YSaC, Vol. 1508: All the fruitless searches.
Mexican Guy Needed for Boom Box Performance
Looking for Mexican dude to stand outside this girls house and play romantic songs through boom box.
Must have your own boom box.
Hours will be evening 6-10. Please be able to prounonce the word cuntmuscle.
That is all. This is serious. Thanks guys.
I’m having trouble figuring this out. It seems like it’s a mix of John Cusack in Say Anything and a Hispanic Cyrano de Bergerac, which I’m imagining being played by John Leguizamo. I’m hoping John (doesn’t matter which one) has been lifting lately, since four hours is long time to stand with a boom box over your head. I’m also hoping that the Johns have selected music that will nicely accompany the romantic dactylic strains of the charming nickname selected by our potential suitor.
Thanks, Dani! (This was under “sales jobs”, in case you’re wondering where you should look for this type of work opportunity.)
Dang, anagrams generator let me down. Uh, gee, look at the time. I’ll post something witty later on. Maybe.
It looks like Sparky has decided to outsource his wooing.
I nominate Jose Jalapeno On A Stick. The ladies love him.
“AYE YI YI YIIIIIII”
Sparky should hire a tango dancer instead.
She is a women! Woo her!
Between that word and having Sparky’s choice of “romantic” music blared for four hours straight, what could possibly go wrong?
Too bad Sparky didn’t post this on Cinco de Mayo. Today is our Day Without a Mexican, can’t help at all.
If ever there was a post that qualified for the “still single?” tag, this is it.
Why does it have to be a Mexican dude? Is it so when a neighbor shoots the guy for disturbing him during Duck Dynasty no one will mind as much? And I’m not even going to address That word. Use it around my daughter and I’ll shoot you myself! Anyway, who has a boombox anymore? Could he use his iPhone? Enjoy the music, Meg.
Oh that’s simple. Then he can be on a Mexican radio.
Ohhh ohhh.
Can he be turning Japanese on Mexican radio?
AHHHHH!!! It’s the dreaded dueling earworms!
THEY’RE EATING MY BRAIN!
I don’t really think so.
Ohhh ohhh.
Although if you consider the euphemism, I suppose it’s possible.
And ew. Ew ew ew.
*takes out snark, checks it for wittiness. shakes head, puts snark back in*
Not yet.
The food anthropologists tell us that most of the culinary influences for food in Baja are of Japanese origin.
There are said to be a number of Chinese influences in Baja musical culture, too–yet another legacy of Union Pacific’s rail-building efforts.
Which suggests that Turning Japanese on Mexican Radio could result in King Fu Fighting . . . [ducks & runs]
If you want a Mexican, you must lure one by using the language of his people:
Chico Mexicano necesarios para rendimiento de Boom Box
__________________________________________________
Buscando amigo Mexicano fuera de este Parlamento de las niñas y jugar canciones románticas a través de la caja de auge.
Debe tener su propia caja de auge.
Horas será de 6 a 10 de la noche. Por favor, ser capaces de prounonce la “cuntmuscle” de la palabra.
Eso es todo. Esto es grave. Gracias a chicos.
Me gusta pastel.
The language of his people being, of course, Babelfish.
Hispanic Cyrano de Bergerac is my Los Lonely Boys cover band.
LLB FTW (“Outlaws Just Aren’t Wanted Anymore”)
[San Antonio music triva] The three brothers and an accordion player of LLB are what is known as a “three piece” band in SA. The reason 4 = 3 is that you can’t play weddings in Bexar County without an accordion player, so it’s “other guys” you enumerate.
It’s also a term of derision for referring to the number of songs some of those bands can actually perform–versus those enumerated on the repertoire.
[/trivia]
This sounds like a job for Bacontini.
He’ll have to change his name to Tocinotini first.
O/C – The spellchecker recognizes “Tocinotini” as a real word. I’m afraid to Google it.
Bacontini as Cyrano? Never!
*bravely asks Uncle Google about tacointini…closes one eye*
S’okay ghostie….it was a ship.
You’re welcome.
Thanks for taking one for the team, C” “J.
Because every job should have the possibility of arrest as a fringe benefit.
So glad everyone is ignoring the box today. D’Oh!
I for one am eagerly awaiting your self-punchity-punching on S. H. I. T’sday morn.
I’m making waffles!
Me too!
Awaiting the shit thing that is.
I’m not making waffles.
I’m making chicken!
I’m hoping self-punchity-punching isn’t anything like turning Japanese…
IF, no. Just. . . no.
BUT I got all those votes due to fraud! I should be brought up on charges!
Why do I picture a wasband about to be brought up on charges . . . ?
Ay, ay, ay, ay
Canta y no llores
Porque cantando se alegran
Cielito lindo, los cuntmuscles….
Nope, doesn’t scan.
Perhaps in the original Cyrillic, пиздамышцы ?
Hmm, maybe not, “pizdamyshtsy” sounds more like a sneeze . . .
With its warm tropical waters, Mexico’s Gulf Coast is an ideal breeding ground for corals. The second largest barrier reef in the world, the Mesoamerican Reef, begins off the tip of the Mexican Yucatan and extends due south and well past Mexico’s maritime borders.
On the lower reaches of the reef, we see the infamous Mexican Guy sea cucumber (бенито Juárezas) seeking its favorite prey, the cuntmussel. Its shell being longer than it is wide, the cuntmussel attaches itself by means of its strong byssal threads (“beard”) to a thongy substrate. This is where the Mexican Guy sea cucumber hunts.
Projecting its boom box hormone signals through the water, it waits and anticipates a response from a receptive cuntmussel. Upon sensing a nearby cuntmussel, the Mexican Guy sea cucumber proceeds with all haste to the chemical scent, lest it is beaten there by a rival. When sensing a rival, the Mexican Guy sea cucumber can defend itself by expelling steel or lead at great distance.
Winning the favor of the cuntmussel, the Mexican Guy sea cucumber begins to devour its prize. Slowly at first, with its muscular hydrostat moving in slow, circular motions, eventually penetrating the cuntmussel’s somewhat nacreous interior. Following a rapid expansion and elongation of its seminiferous tubule, the Mexican Guy sea cucumber will now completely consume the hapless cuntmussel with a short, rapid movement. Satisfied and spent, the Mexican Guy sea cucumber will retreat to a safe, secure area of the reef to recover, avoiding any harsh criticism.
I need a cigarette now…. and a towel.
I feel like someone should apologize to Google Ads.
:fans self:
My, it got warm in here all of a sudden.
It’s such a good thing I am up earlier than most of the commentariat. Me, Punchity Punch Punch! *POW* *BOP!* *ZAP!* Hey, who put the motion detector on the Punchinator?
Good Morning, All the young Dudes!