YSaC, Vol. 1532: I yam sorry.
2013 June 11
Crady lady at Safeway yelling about candied yams – m4w – 45
I was in line at Safeway today and you were a few checkstands over screaming for someone to help you with candied yams. I don’t even know what the hell they are, but I was definitely turned on. You: 50’s or 60’s, crazy as shit and apparently really like yams. You settled on fresh ones when you realized the store didn’t carry the candied variety. I wanted to pretend to go look at onions and stare at you while you picked out a choice yam, but I had to get going. Maybe we can get together and candify them? I’ll bring the sugar…
It’s nice to see that Karen Finley is still working. (Warning: just … warning.)
Thanks, jg!
Well, I yam what I yam.
I don’t need praise; I don’t need pity.
I scream about yams. Some say it’s noise. I say it’s pretty.
..”Yams–fly from Cupid’s bow / screaming for someone to help / but I was turned on”…………Haiku…(poem, not the porn star)
You can’t make me click that. I have to do it all by myself.
*click*
Ah. Oh. Hmmmm. Eh. Bai Bai.
I don’t think the climate for people like Karen Finley has changed at all. She’d still be an attractive woman with an unconventional act; no one would care about what she had to say. …which was probably her point.
So, yeah. I linked to that particular article because it was the most concise explanation of why I was making a Karen Finley reference, because I know not everyone had a class on Avant-Garde Art and Literature … but I am kind of appalled by the “KF is a pretty woman who could have just married rich and been happy, but for some reason she’s not content with that” bit in the article. Even more appalling is that it was written by a woman.
Yes, but…the article was written in 1986. I think a lot has changed since then.
Nowadays, I hear it’s all about the rutabaga…but what do I know. I’m not the one who put avant in avant-garde.
Rutabaga? I barely touched her!
Here in the checkout line beneath the Bough,
A candied yam, some onion bulbs – and thou
Beside me screaming in the Safeway store –
And Safeway is now Paradise enow.
Mark but this yam, and mark in this
How little that which Safeway lackest ist.
It ripened first and now sits free
And with my sugar sweet this yam will be.
Thou know’st that it cannot be said
You prefer yams in cans instead.
Hark, Hortense, gaze upon poor Yam
Ne’er upon this gaze t’were eyes
E’er boorne–
Yet, I hear the screeches and wailing still.
O, gravedigger, how longst hast this tuber
Lain so?
Four score and twenty full minutes you say?
Hortense, O Hortense, hoist high fair monocot
And be not worthy in thine
Lusty attractions
Your swains vegetable today
[exeunt]
A candied yam is somewhat, but not entirely, unlike a sweet potato, π.
…and she wasn’t screaming, she was yammering on about them.
big difference.
OMV – and now I’m hearing my late grandmother. Thank you for the nightmares.
Stephen King’s got nothing on me. You’re welcome.
Presumably, Safeway has security cameras. Can we get the video from the yam cams?
Yam cam, thank you ma’am!
Is that anything like HamCam?
*puppy wanna belly rub?*
Yam Can Kook!
it’s the naive assumption that Crady Lady would be looking at Craigslist AND looking for some pervert that amazes me. Pickled cucumber anyone?
Not to mention, looking for some pervert who characterizes her as crazy. Or crady. Even screaming yam ladies want a little more respect than that.
(Screaming Yam Ladies is IF’s Barenaked Ladies cover band.)
This is code, right? This has to be code. It’s one Chinese spy sending a message to another.
Please, that’s about the only way I can resolve this to make my head stop hurting.
“You settled on fresh ones.”
*definitely code*
Yeah, flies usully settle on fresh ones too.
你這個傻圓形眼，我們沒有使用代碼，普通話足夠的含義模糊。
Mudsey! Mudsey! Mudsey! Punchity Punchity Punchy!
Good Morning, Gnarls Barkley!