YSaC, Vol. 1533: Don’t use the light saber.
2013 June 12
And sometimes, it just gets weird.
Jedi Needed To Induce Labor
I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.
I was hoping that tonight’s full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.
I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.
If you are a master in the way’s of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you!
… I got nothin’.
Thanks, Heff!
Sometimes, we are grateful there were no photos with the ad. This is one of those times.
“I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.”….Be careful what you wish for…ever see “Alien”?????
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
That’s pretty much the mantra for everything pregnancy-related, isn’t it?
Feel sorry for this child, for its mother will be using Jedi mind tricks for parenting skills.
You love brussel sprouts
I love brussel sprouts.
You want to eat a whole plateful
I want to eat a whole plateful.
You don’t like chocolate cake
Get real mom!
*Waves his hand* This is not the uterus you’re looking for.
This isn’t the uterus you’re looking for. Move along.
Get out of my brain, Ferrets!
This is not the crosspost you’re looking for.
The Uterus of Scum and Villainy!
I know of a great way to induce labour using Jedi powers. All I need is my trusty “lightsabre”.
Get out of my head, Lou!
Everyone knows one tried and true method to bring on labor does involve the use of a light saber. Like grandma always said, do it the old fashioned way!
I’ll be over in the corner if anyone needs me.
True Story*…
Baby #4 was born after a night at the Mos Eisley, drinking Colt 45s with Han, Chewie, and Guido (poor Guido…never saw it coming).
I suggest, babymama, you try it.
Or, you could..you know wait until the appropriate time, like the other 99.9%** of the women in the world do.
*may not be ‘entirely’ true
**an utterly bogus statistic, made up on the spot
Dude, that baby’s already nine pounds. I’d be getting antsy too.
*True Story – my baby #3 weighed 10lbs, 4 oz.
*yep, this is true
O.O
Bridgete weighed 8 lbs. 15 oz. She was late too. 10 days late. Stubborn from the beginning.
I don’t remember how much I weighed, but I was 22″ long. My mother was under 5′ tall. I paralized her when I was born. She got better. I think that was my first moving violation.
She told me I kicked her alot too. Left bruises. But in my defense, there wasn’t much room in there.
I also went flying that day, but my mother wouldn’t go with me. She was afraid to fly.
This is all true.
Pshaw!
The Russian wrestler Aleksandr Karelin was born as a 6.8 kg (15 lb) baby.
Two words for you: Lightsaber C-section.
The C-section is where you find the comics, right before the obituaries.
Thus the saying- “A funny thing happened on the way to the Mortuary…”
Heh, heh, Life, it’s what’s for breakfast.
*recalling scene from Prometheus*
Sometimes what’s in should stay in.
Note: Four stanza’s beginning with “I.” Coincidence? I think not.
Contractions, placenta… a Jedi craves not these things.
It’s a trap!
There are laws against child labor. There are no laws concerning infants and labor. Go figure. Maybe congress needs to pass more laws.
Try the hottest curry you can find – EAT it Sparkii, EAT it !!
Totally off-topic. Got a work email a short time ago. The stated purpose was to clarify the confusion caused by the previous clarification. No, really. That’s probably not the end of it. Stay tuned!
Well, Windy, did it clarify the confusion? Or did the latest clarification create more confusion than the previous clarification which purported to clarify confusion previously created? So which came first, the confusion or the clarification?……(I think my head hurts) This is why I try not to open work e-mail. I just browse YSaC.
Oh!…. I mean,uh, you know,..I teach!.. yeah, that’s right, teach. Disregard that other thing….
Uh-huh. Noted. You teach. Too soon to tell about the alleged confusion which was clarified in the confusion memo.
snug as a bug in my uterus.
Some bugs can live anywhere.
I was thinking she shouldn’t be too public with information about bugs in her uterus.
Sparkles doesn’t need a Jedi, she needs a Terminex man.
We always just took the impatient mother-to-be down a bumpy road in a truck with no suspension. Works every time.
I had no idea that was Jedi stuff!
I knew of an expectant mother who got the privilege of being in the co-pilot’s seat of a fighter with bad hydraulics that was taxied back and forth on the airfield to help induce labor – very unofficial Air Force Reserve method perk. LOL
We take them out snowmachining if it’s winter.
Gluing this in the baby book will be I.
p+Ctrl+ alt
“Get clear, Wedge. You can’t do any more good back there!”
People who will not be answering this CL:
– Prissy from “Gone With The Wind”
– me
– Darth Vader (already has too many children)
– Captain Kirk
People likely to answer this CL:
– all of the Republican Senators
– bad magicians
– Gary Busey
– the Verizon “can you hear me now” guy
Thank you, Powers That Bee, for bringing Ralph and One into our fold, spin, and snarlulate. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mace Windy!