YSaC, Vol. 1554: This may even require rule 35
Free for a few hours
Crutches, shower chair, ironing board, wood dolly, mat, wooden stretcher board
Go to [address] or call [phone number]
King sized bed $125
As we have stated, here at YSaC we are not going to judge anyone’s fetishes. As long as what you enjoy is relatively safe and fully consensual, then you can do whatever you want. I have no idea why the author of this post thinks that someone might want all these items for just a few hours. But if there happens to be someone out there who has decided that their day won’t be complete without the temporary addition of crutches, a shower chair, an ironing board, a wood dolly, a mat, and a wooden stretcher board… well, go nuts.
And the first person to invoke rule 34 in the comments gets kicked in the shins.
Thanks Yancy!
Dunno which would be more sad, that Spark’ writes enough “Casual Encounters” ads that the Subject Line is a default; or that Spark’ sees idle medical equipment and can only imagine an idyl pro tempore assignation.
Oh, yes. Oh ghod, yes! Yes! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*blink*
Sorry, what were you saying?
I don’t think it’s the right kind of dolly, and I’m just not into Matt.
Beth, I hear you callin’,
And I wish I could be there.
Me and the boys are playin’
With the mat and shower chair.
Just a few more hours
And we’ll have to give them back.
But now I’m on these crutches
And this wooden stretcher rack,
This wooden stretcher rack.
I’m crying my eyes out here, Smalls. *long live Peter Kriss*
Beth was his dog.
Nothing like a good wood stretching first thing in the morning…
Say it with me, CORNER!
Yes…so glad it’s free for a few hours. Then it goes back into its cage.
😀
If your wood remains stretched for more than a few hours, please consult the user’s manual.
It’s printed in braille…
Random assortment
You may use it all for free
Please don’t tell me how
I’m imagining some really trippy interpretive dance involving these items.
And not a good one, either.
Although I COULD use a new king size bed…
I don’t think “new” is an appropriate adjective.
Probably not, but it must be better than my crappy old too-small queen size, right?
…Please?
I suppose that depends on whether or not you’re supposed to use the free items with the bed. It might be a king-size, but it’ll get a bit cramped with all that crap on there.
You should see my current bed.
(Grah! Where the hell are my pillows under all this crap?!)
(Note: SC’s bed does not literally have crap in it. That would stink so bad.)
I have a currant bed! It’s made out of raisins.
I have a current bed! it’s made from electrons, it matches my photon.
I’ve got a current bed; it’s lined with rocks and filled with a river so I guess that makes it a water bed as well.
*SC leans back in his chair, wondering how in the world “current bed” spawned such a chain of puns.*
*SC also refers to himself in third person in Asteriskland.*
*makes note to remember that SC is of the male persuasion*
1. Welcome to YSaC, SC. In addition to snark, spawning puns is our stock in trade. (Spawning Puns also being IF’s left coast underground Phish ironic performance trio, of course.)
2. Ditto what Windy said. Sometimes it’s a hard on to tell who is which or what here. *Shout out to Bianchi Goddess!*
3. Profit!
“I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE AUTHOR OF THIS POST THINKS THAT SOMEONE MIGHT WANT ALL THESE ITEMS FOR JUST A FEW HOURS.” Well, I know I don’t have the stamina and endurance I once had when younger…I probably wouldn’t need them more than a few minutes…then to collapse onto the king size bed. But please don’t tell all the ladies in the lounge.
Your secret is safe, bro.
Unless you type it on the interne-
Oh. Oh, you’re screwed.
For brief intervals.
You all need to go to separate corners.
I was led astray, Mama Windy.
Day one on YSaC, and I’m already in the corner.
This has not been a good showing from me…
But Windy!!! that’s the reason for most of my problems….separate corners…(whimper)
SC, actually the corner is where all the cool kids hang out. We like to go to the corner. Nojazzie, I didn’t say you had to be alone in your separate corner. Now scoot over and hand me a coffee slice while you tell me all about it. 8)
Oh! Well, previous statement retracted, then.
Dang… I must be too prurient in my fetishes. I can’t even imagine alternative uses for crutches.
Wouldn’t a rubber dolly be better? Splinters, y’know….
It depends on the type of “wood” you use.
This is a very evil get-rich-quick scheme. The person offering these items made the length of time you have free access intentionally vague. Sure, these perfectly clean, gently used, non-disgusting* things are yours free for a little while, but when that little while ends you get charged astronomical fees. If you can’t pay the fees, the “legitimate businessman” sends his goons to your house and…
Well anyway, the king-sized bed is for sale because they figured that’d be a cheap, easy way to get rid of evide- I mean extra furniture. Be warned though, some of the blood from the severed horse head soaked through all of the sheets into the mattress.
You know, sometimes I feel cell phone companies practice the same type of billing policies.
*probably not true.
Hey, all we need is a few hours with those items and a lighting crew, and we can film most of “Bloodening IV: Return of the Matron”.
Sparky never specified the condition of the items at the end of the free period, right?
[crutches] available from 3:00 a.m. until 6:00 a.m.[/crutches]
[chair]shower available from 9:00a.m. until noon[/chair]
[board]ironing available most of the day except from midnight until 6:00 a.m.[/board]
[dolly]wood available at 6:00 a.m. until 6:15 a.m., 7:00 a.m. until 7:15 a.m., 8:00 a.m. until 8:15 a.m., 3:00 p.m. until 3:15 p.m., 4:00 p.m. until 4:15 p.m., and 7:00 p.m. until 7:15 p.m. unless you bring a blue pill with you. Then wood is available from 7:00 p.m. until midnight.[/dolly]
[board] wooden stretcher will be available from midnight until 2:00 a.m. if you brought the blue pill[/board]
[mat]BYOB (Bring your Own Bed) otherwise I will have to charge you $125 for the use of my King sized because not everybody just has money lying around for rent and pizza and beveraging and sexy unmentionables and butter and carpet remnants.[/mat]
Rule 34!
OOOh! Yes!
Kick those shins again!
Now grab the ironing board! Quick!
You better not let the Llamanun* catch you “ironing” with her Ostrimu*, Kazi.
*BBUH
TC, you may exit the box now, but I have a feeling you’ll be going straight to the corner like the rest of us. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Office Despot!