YSaC, Vol. 1556: Moo.

2013 July 15
by dan

Want to be human livestock in a photo shoot?


Models needed. Male/female any age/race. Need you for two shots. One. getting rounded up in the street. Two, put in the back of a van.

The shoot is about people being gathered like cattle and slaughtered.

Should be fun. May be slightly messy. Everything will wash off! Promise.

Early Saturday afternoon in [Neighborhood].

No. No, I do NOT want to be human livestock in a photo shoot. No.

Despite the fact that my anthropomorphic personification on this site is an ostrichy/emu-y thing, and my coauthor is a camelid in a habit, I can pretty much guarantee that neither of us wishes to be photographed in such a fashion.

Also, what’s with the old guy? No, wait, you know what? I don’t want to know.

Now go away.

(Thanks for the post, Cori!)

63 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 July 15

    May be slightly messy.

    Are we talking Pulp Fiction messy or Magic Christian messy? Or maybe even Shaun of the Dead messy. On a scale of one to ten, with one being Spirited Away and ten being Cannibal Holocaust, how messy are we talking here? The clothes may wash but the brain takes special handling.

    Adores: 7
    • 2013 July 15

      Er… Maybe “Princess Mononoke” messy?

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 July 15
        CapnMac permalink

        Or “Paprika” messy?

        Adores: 2
      • 2013 July 15
        HamCan permalink

        “Ménage à Trois” messy?

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 15
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Lwaxana was a bit of a slob.

          Adores: 3
    • 2013 July 15
      nojazzhere permalink

      Good Monday morning, Windy!!!!…..high expectations?….nah!!!!!!!!

      Adores: 3
    • 2013 July 15
      mudslicker permalink

      Sharknado II messy.

      Adores: 3
    • 2013 July 15

      How ’bout High School of the Dead messy? That anime is super-gory.

      Adores: 3
  2. 2013 July 15
    Hips_of_Steel permalink

    “Should be fun.”

    In my experience, the type of people who organize and/or participate in a photo shoot that portrays the human existance as being gathered and slaughtered like cattle usually are not carefree, fun loving people.

    Adores: 4
  3. 2013 July 15

    Soylent Green is Sparkies!

    Adores: 15
  4. 2013 July 15

    Fine, I’ll go for the shoot.

    But only if I can dress up in a lion suit and hold a sign over my head proclaiming that I am Not.An.SC.

    Because SCs are not cattle, thank you kindly.

    (Actually, I think I’m a type of plant the Joker uses in his laughing gases.)

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 July 15

      Ooh, I can corey that!

      [Joker corey] Joker toxin is primarily comprised of hydrogen cyanide and a strychnine derivative; the cyanide could come from the pits of fruits such as cherries or apricots and the strychnine would come from the fruit of an Indian tree called nux-vomica. [/Joker corey]

      Why do I know that?

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 July 15

        Why do I know that?

        Ghostiiie, do you happen to be acquainted with a Mr. Bruce Wayne?

        (Also, Joker Corey isn’t making nearly enough horrible puns to be called Joker Corey.)

        Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 15

          They would be Riddler Coreys then.

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 15

          I think I’ve heard that name somewhere before. Maybe.

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 15

          Heeey, why does it sound like Arkham Asylum on your end of the comment?

          Adores: 1
  5. 2013 July 15
    Ralph permalink

    Rounded up how — lassos, whips, cattle prods, dogs, bulldozers, SWAT teams, or Justin Bieber music? There are some things I can’t tolerate even with a shower afterwards.

    Adores: 5
  6. 2013 July 15

    “Hey kid. I run a special school for wizards, and you’re a wizard! Now c’mon, get in the back of the van.”

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 July 15

      Oh, great, now I can never watch Harry Potter again.

      My childhood; it weeps.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 July 16
        Kaziganthi permalink

        You should be thanking TC for that service!

        Adores: 0
  7. 2013 July 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    The shoot is about people being gathered like cattle and slaughtered.

    Should be fun.

    Uh-huh, I’ve heard how fun the holocaust was. Do I get to wear a party hat?

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 July 15
      One Moving Violation permalink

      In Soviet Russia…
      Photo Shoot You.

      Adores: 9
      • 2013 July 15

        *POW!*

        Gah! My kidneys!

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 15
          CapnMac permalink

          And if you were Ensign Kenny, it’d be your spleen.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 15

          Well, thank god I was in a blue shirt, then!

          At least they don’t die quite as often!

          Adores: 3
  8. 2013 July 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Need you for two shots.

    I’ve already had my shots. One. got it right in the arm. Two, put it in the backside of my can.

    Adores: 3
  9. 2013 July 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Early Saturday afternoon in [Neighborhood].

    Will we be done by Prevening?

    Adores: 6
  10. 2013 July 15
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    I mean, it was the only logical follow-up to the Human Centipede franchise.

    Now, for the taglines:
    One head, four legs, four stomachs, and a thirst for blood.
    Because someone said we couldn’t name it Slaughterhouse Six
    Wait, Animal Farm was an allegory?

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 July 15
      mudslicker permalink

      name it Slaughterhouse Six

      That would have to be Slaughterhouse Tom Six .

      Adores: 3
  11. 2013 July 15
    andy permalink

    “Should be fun. May be slightly messy. Everything will wash off! Promise.”

    Probably not a great idea to respond to any Craigslist ad that contains these words.

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 July 15
      nojazzhere permalink

      I don’t know, andy…maybe in a “w4m” posting….

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 July 15
        andy permalink

        Yeah, but this is Craigslist we’re talking about.

        Adores: 3
    • 2013 July 15
      Brer Fox permalink

      Probably not a great idea to respond to any Craigslist ad that contains these words.

      Used toilet?
      Babby stoller?
      Table?
      Can?
      Pure bread?
      Vintage cereal?
      Stuff?
      #2 meat gerberts?
      Grandma’s teeth?
      Hot butter carpet burrito?

      I think you are right andy, I don’t think I’ll find any ad that works with that.

      Adores: 5
  12. 2013 July 15
    HamCan permalink

    Not.A.Serial.Killer

    Adores: 15
    • 2013 July 15
      mudslicker permalink

      “It rubs the cattle blood into its skin….”

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 July 15
        Brer Fox permalink

        That’s where they get Red Bull.

        Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 15
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          It gives you wings! Also, Hepatitis A.

          Adores: 5
  13. 2013 July 15
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Hey, I’ve got a lot of friends that would love to be a part of a film shoot like this, if not myself; what with The Walking Dead filming in Atlanta I’ve heard of stranger calls for extras.

    It’s a film shoot, right? They’re going to let you out of the truck, right?

    Adores: 3
  14. 2013 July 15

    Want to be human livestock in a photo shoot?

    Nope.

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 July 15
      limelolly permalink

      Too many ‘horny’ males ?

      Adores: 6
      • 2013 July 15
        HamCan permalink

        Sounds like a lot of bull to me…

        Adores: 6
        • 2013 July 15

          I’ve herd worse……

          Adores: 8
        • 2013 July 15
          Windrose permalink

          Moo.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 15
          HamCan permalink

          That’s udderly ridiculous!

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 15
          andy permalink

          We wouldn’t steer you wrong!

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 15
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          What if there’s porking involved?

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 15
          limelolly permalink

          You are going to keep milking this, aren’t you?

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 July 15
          DigitalAxis permalink

          I always suspected this thread cud get ridiculous.

          Adores: 3
      • 2013 July 15

        I hope the weather’s cloudy. Or you’ll end up bacon in the hot sun.

        Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 15
          andy permalink

          OK, now you’re just hamming it up.

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 15

          What? No, we’re just keeping the topic mooving, andy!

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 15

          We have quite a range of jokes to cover still. Don’t hoof it out of here too soon.

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 15

          Puns we spawn.

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 16
          HamCan permalink

          Buns with spam.

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 16

          Run-slip-bam.

          Adores: 3
  15. 2013 July 15
    Brer Fox permalink

    It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighboorhood.
    Hello children. We are going to learn about cattle prods today. That’s right. You are going to learn about being a cow. No, we’re not going to the land of make believe today. You know why? Because today is going to get too real for you. Yeah, now get in the van.

    Adores: 6
  16. 2013 July 15
    Brer Fox permalink

    Also, what’s with the old guy? No, wait, you know what? I don’t want to know.

    Well I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s for your own good. You see, he’s the van driver. After you get rounded up and herded into the van, he will pay the “director”. He will then drive all of you to an undisclosed place. (probably an abandond farm. I’m sure you know about an abandoned farm near where you live.)(See? You do know of one don’t you? That proves I’m right.) But before he slaughters you, there are much worse things he has planned for you.
    See, I bet you are wondering how I know this stuff. Well I’ll tell you for your own good. See, you are expecting movie cameras to be there but there won’t be any. That is because movie cameras are expensive. Unlike the Polaroid camera they are likely to use for the “photo” shoot. Being rounded up and herded into a van is better translated into video rather than still photography.
    That is why you will be really sorry if you get in the van with Mr. Creepy. Being a photo shoot is just a ploy.

    Adores: 3
  17. 2013 July 15
    Meg permalink

    It’s a PSA.

    If you don’t want to be herded like cattle and slaughtered, avoid [Neighborhood] in Ish.

    Adores: 4
  18. 2013 July 16

    zero.nada.none, you have all the qualities we look for in a commentator around here. You aren’t easily offended and you made a funny! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Mr. Spielberg!

    Adores: 0

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