YSaC, Vol. 1575: Brrm Brrm Brrm BRRM!
VALENTINE SPECIAL – $45
BACKPACK LEAF BLOWER, GAS POWERED, AND NEARLY NEW. SHE WILL LOVE IT, OR SO WOULD A HE. REDUCED TO $ 45.; COST $ 150. LAST FALL.
This just worked out terribly, don’t you think? It’s not that the recipient didn’t like the leaf blower. The large, noisy, stinky, gas-powered leaf blower. No, the problem is that she loved it.
“Honey, look what I got you for Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh, wow – it’s JUST what I wanted. This is amazing!”
“So, how about we go upst..”
*BRRROOOOMMMM, BRRRMM BRRM BRRMMM BRRMMM BRRRRRMRRMRMMMM!!*
“HONEY, DO YOU HAVE TO USE THAT NOW?”
“WHAT??” (BRRRNBNBNMMMBMBRBRRMRMRMMBMBMRMMMM!!)
“I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO SNUGGLE!”
“YES, I THINK IT’S A GREAT GIFT TOO, THANKS!”
“THAT’S NOT WHAT I…”
*BRRMBMRMBM BMRMRMBMRmBMRM BMRRMM!!!!*
Of course, this is all just idle speculation.
DAN AT ###-####
Er.
Thanks for the post, Lynnette!
“Leaf me alone, you rake!”
I’ll show myself out.
And that’s why you were looking for a more comfortable couch on Craigslist. The rest is Interwebs History!
Wow, the box is at capacity today! And Full Box is my Crowded House cover band that IF rejected. *sigh*
I’m single and alone, so I always wait to buy my leaf blowers until the day after Valentine’s Day. Home Depot always has a big shopping cart full of the unsold ones, and they’re marked way down.
“VALENTINE SPECIAL-$45”
She will love it..nearly new…
Also available…radial arm saw…ginormous screen TV…bass boat rig…large collection of porn DVD’s…wife’s just not very romantic or sentimental. Maybe you’ll have better luck….Dan at ###-###-####
If you have a Sawzall, I’d be interested.
“I’m sorry, honey, I thought you said you wanted a blower for Valentine’s Day. You shouldn’t mumble next time.”
*blows many doors in Ghostie’s direction*
You win the comments today.
It’s better than a woodchipper full of chocolates, I suppose
I don’t know,SilvaNoir, in my experience a compost barrel full of chocolate will send most women swooning…don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.
if your compost is making people swoon, you may need to add potassium, teenaged virgin tears, and a good forking to reduce the ammonia outgassing.
Capn…. I find if it’s full of chocolate, it leads to a good forking…in spite of my outgassing.
Somehow I doubt this with seem a divine comedy.
Not without invoking Hieronymus Bosch as a hallmark card illustrator.
Hmm, or are we to apply Sr Alighieri to this as an endlessly-repeating, ever-worsening cycle spiraling deeper and deeper into a Perdition of our own making? Where is that Webb’s Wonder cabbage . . . ?
[gahk! pre-coffee speelink–please substitute “will’ for “with” in the first line, above[/back to regularly scheduled programming]
Somewhere in here, there’s a joke about giving a woman a Valentine’s Day gift that does the blowing for her. . .
Or how this is certain to get her motor running…
I wonder if it runs in reverse…
Just what the world needs, another sucker.
[slightly o/t]
I recently learned that the fellow who anchored “ponzi scheme” into our language was also the same fellow who made selling bits of Florida swamp land to the gullible into a meme.
P.T. Barnum is proved right again.
[/sucker o/t]
That’s sweet, but I was really hoping for one of those pipe snake cameras.
Every year for Christmas I would ask Santa for two things; a pony and a Dremel tool. I eventually got the Dremel tool, but I’m still waiting on the pony.
Ghostie…Ronald Reagan recommended digging into large piles of pony poop to find said pony. Have you tried that?..maybe you could use the Dremel….be optimistic!!!!
Dear Sparky,
The accepted Male Privilege culture counterpoint to Valentine’s Day is Steak and Blowjob Day, occurring precisely one month later.
Please note the spelling.
It is not Stake and Blow Job Day, which is the accepted pre-Arbor Day celebration, occurring precisely one month earlier to prepare your yard and garden.
Mulch Love,
IF
The pron will find us now, I fear.
Yay for power tools!!
I love blowing le….
Uh, what I mean is, it’s so much fun to see the swirling….
Oh, come’on guys, this is hard!!
dammit
I can picture the scene now.
Their first Valentine’s Day together. Her anticipation – jewellery, perhaps lingerie. She’d settle for flowers and chocolate of course, after all it’s the thought that counts. She’s prepared a delicious meal, champagne is chilling in the fridge.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, darling. I bought you a gift. It’s a leaf blower. You know, for your yard. I bet you didn’t even know you needed a new one.”
Thirty seconds’ extremely tense silence.
“Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. Darling.”
I would like to amend this to read, “Thirty seconds of extremely violent mauling.”
Who’s that snarking in the box? C””J, ghostie, One! Good Job! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Home Improvement Fans!