YSaC, Vol. 1576: Malicious in tent.
2013 August 12
canvas tent
9’x11′ green canvas tent. Its got a few issues. It was moldy, and I scrubbed it down with vinegar which helped a lot. Its missing a pole, but has a piece of scrap wood that works as an excellent replacement. The roof has torn, leaving a hole along one edge that is about 2 feet long. Oh, and I spilled oil on a section of the floor.
It could come with a pile of blankets that can help insulate it for the winter, if you were interested.
Along with the tent that smells like moldy salad dressing and termites, this person also has a sleeping bag that was used as a raccoon bed for three weeks, a canoe that is only partially cracked in half, and a camp stove suffering from ennui.
That Winterbagel is sounding better and better.
Thanks, Kim
This one time, in YSaC camp, we were beveraging around a campfire. . .
…when a gighugic storm came through…
…the trees swayed in the wind, their branches threatening to break with each gust…
We were about to bundle into the tent with blankets and such…
And Mr. Ranger came by to tell us to move along!
…when suddenly six fur door trees fell onto the tent, breaking the piece of scrap wood that was an excellent replacement pole…..
…and then we woke up in a bathtub full of ice with our kidneys missing, and there on the door handle was a bloody hook, because we got charged $250 for the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe!
Hey TC !!!.. that Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe thing really happened to my grandmother’s bridge club partner’s cousin’s next-door-neighbor’s aunt… just so you know…it’s been verified…on the interwebnet thingie.
..and then it hit us that we really didn’t like Neiman-Marcus cookies at all and don’t like to camp even more than we hate to lose our livers.
…and the transplant patient died on the operating table, because when they opened the kidney-liver box in the OR, it turned out it was full of gerberts, and they were covered in bees.
50 ways to lose your liver?
After which everyone simply went inside, as the YSaC campsite is adjacent to the tropical resort with sparkii-less rooms <G>
I’ll pay you in Zimbabwean currency that has been through the washer a few times. Either that, or an expired credit card from a bank that has since gone under.
[Corey] Actually, nothing beats real canvas for winter camping; it absorbs condensation and doesn’t belly in when it’s windy if it’s pitched properly. You would probably throw a plastic tarp over it anyway, so the roof tear is not critical if you keep it from spreading, and could be used for a stovepipe. I’d worry more about the condition of the canvas; once it starts to rot, it’s useless.[/Corey]
You could always put another tent inside this, if you don’t mind a reputation for a two-tents existence.
Excellent [corey], except you are presuming that Spark’ has given us accurate information. So, the [cory] will be much spoilt if, on inspecting this treasure, the canvas is either vinyl or polyethylene, and the dimensions are really 48″ x 84″ x 60″ (y’know, one them sqaure wall tents).
That, and the 30 SAE weight oil is not going to be nice to try and get out of the tent floor. Nor, as I suspect, the “give-away” blankets that have been stored upon said stain.
If you’re feeling two-tents, cut back on the coffee slices, or switch to de-craptacular.
Pervert! Going around, feeling tents.
Are you proposing a Two-Tents Compromise, Ralph?
And cue Admiral Ackbar!
Sparky should pitch this tent. By which I mean, he should just throw it out.
Oh! You found the Brokeback Mountain prop closet. Good. Now, I’m in the mood for a fishing case filled with marital discontent, and a plaid shirt covered in hidden man-tears. Can you dig those out for me?
Hi guys! I missed you!
Rebecca? You look . . .different! But welcome back, good to see . . . you.
I will see your moldy/termite-y/ripped-y tent and raise you one set of plastic containers, with lids, dropped under the seat of a 3o yr. old Winterbagel in ‘storage’ in the hot Texas sun for the last 5 summers.
Each container has a surprise science experiment inside.
Open at your own risk, or delight.
So THAT’S where the dead hobos were moved to!
Are you sure they’re dead?………(several swings of a tiretool)…..there, now. we’re. sure.
Like anything that can survive 100+ Texas summers would be subdued by a mere tire tool . . . <G>
But Capn…they’re Texas tire tools….”built Ford tough” or whatever.
You have clearly not stopped to help people with flat tires around here <G>
Nor, discovered, the hard way, that the Fusion Hybrid does not come with a spare, nor tire-changing tools for same (the need for the second, collinear, drivetrain using up both space and weight on the vehicle).
Which is why some of us travel around with spare jacks, tire tools, and even a plus-sized Mr Crowbar.
[corey] Lots of hybrids no longer have the spare tire. Was there at least a can of sealant? Usually they have that in place of the spare. [/former dealership employee corey]
Capn (again), as a native Texan AND a former O.F.Patrol member,(anyone who is familiar with the B.S.A. knows what that is) I am well aware of the phrase “BE PREPARED”. In addition to the stuff you listed, I also carry rope, buckets, flashlights, hazard lights, sockets and adjustable wrenches, collapsable chairs, blanket, tarp, first-aid kit, water, 4way tire iron (to fit different lug-nut sizes), and a portable cellular car phone device to call Domino’s if I’m going to be stuck somewhere for a while. Like I said,”BE PREPARED”.
Wait, you forgot the fluorescent hit-me “safety” vest, hard hat, & traffic cone <g>
(I also will get the ultra-cheap–$1.95–“space blankets” in the 4×5 packets to keep for ground cover for when tire changing involved wet ground.)
I used to have a couple of emergency, cut-to-fit, fan belts, too.
No, what I forgot was the box of condoms….you must be ready…no, really…it could happen!!!!
If you were interested in—but could overlook—the smallpox that I spilled on several of them. Oops.
Yup, nothing like going camping in a tent in the winter. Not like those wimpy summer campers. You know, maybe that’s why I always had to go to summer school. Naw, that couldn’t be why at all.
When one goes camping is rather different in Texas, than, say, Idaho.
Here in Texas, the low daily temperature has not been below 78ºF since early May–this is sub-ideal weather for sleeping in a windproof shelter.
That, and I have little risk of a heavy snow in February-March.
Storytime!
Just said goodbye last week to a summer intern from Rochester, NY who thought it would be a *great* idea to come down and camp out all summer in a tent in Cleburne.
Not a well-thought out plan, according to her, and she called ‘uncle’ a few weeks ago and moved in with one of the operators and her family for the duration.
She also drove a car with no air conditioning.
I asked her if she had a death wish.
She said she can go back to Rochester, and when the locals complain of 80-degree weather she can regale them with stories of when the temps never got as low as 80 most nights here.
I told her she was turning into a Texan, what with them tall tales and all.
/endstorytime!
Saw a car the other day, motoring down 161, that caught my eye for having Idaho plates (which made me think of dear Lyle). The boys within were clearly relying upon the “2-60 a/c” in their ride, and were unhappy that, even at 70mph, it was not enough cooling.
Pshaw!! I’ve been tent camping in the winter with my Dad in Hatcher’s Pass, Alaska! That is true winter camping! Not like wimpy lower 48 winter camping. (‘cept maybe N. Dakota and a few other cold spots for a month or so each winter.)
I don’t think the god of camping, Tentacles (tent’-uh-kleez), is very happy with Sparky not taking care of camping equipment. I see a snow storm a-comin’.
Mold will tend to do that to most things. I bet that if you licked it, not only will your tongue turn green, I bet your whole body will too.
This tent was neglected by its guardian, a Mr. Sparky, thus resulting in corpus moldeus, a severe condition that may only be partially cured by a vinegar scrub. It also suffered numerous physical abuses at the hand of Mr. Sparky and has lasting damage in the form of a large scar on its head and the loss of one supporting limb, for which Mr. Sparky has only provided a wooden replacement rather than an appropriate prosthetic, as well as the accompanying emotional damage. The tent is severely in need of a loving home and possibly some counseling to deal with the emotional suffering it has endured at the hands of Mr. Sparky.
[psst, counselor, the speelcheck ought have offered you “mucidus” (possibly suggesting “socodris culpidae” in suffix)]
Or I’m just a lawyer making up words again, as we do.
That almost sound like a phrase which might be construed as an admission against interest. Luckily, I can presume, with sufficient conditionals, that is not the case.
There, I fixed it for you.
Why didn’t I see this before? This is CODE! Solve for ‘X’ and you get 9-11! The tent has a tear in the roof means that terrorists will be parachuting in from stolen planes! Quick. who has the roll of heavy duty aluminium foil???
Not sure if Sparky is using past tense or subjunctive, but he seems pretty sure you are not currently interested.
Does this post? WP is evilness today
YAY! Now why can’t I just sign in dammit
Ok, so I have the WP account and it will let me sign in there, it posts here if I give the info, but it wont let me sign in so that I don’t have to keep saying who I am. Anyone have a suggestion that doesn’t require Word Press shoving something large into an orifice cause I think I’ve got that covered.
Dearest Llama Derp, I don’t have a suggestion except for the removal of all cookies and cache and restart the internets. Good to see you! When I get home again and have access to the Command Center ™ I will see if I can pull any strings on that end.
Question, does the device you are using, offer the “Name”; “Email”; and “Website” fields above the Reply Box?
If so, are those fields “repopulating” with the correct data?
If you are on a mobile device, you might check to see if you are using the Mobile version versus the desktop version (or vice versa).
On my phone, it makes a difference whether I use the Google brpwser vice the Firefox one to get to YSaC. The latter more cleanly offers me the choice of how to view the site, with the desktop version allowing nesting of comments.
Capn, Dave, Hammy, nojazzy, ghostie, and myself had a lovely time in the box yesterday! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Campers of Happiness!