YSaC, Vol. 1579: Nineteen for you and one for Sparky.
So, this was posted in “jobs.”
re.auto detailing
Scumbag asking my lady her bra. Size and telling her she is no. Fun. U dumbass put ur number on here I can find u and meet up with u
If I understand this correctly, Sparky here believes that someone insulted his girlfriend, and would like that person to identify themselves on Craigslist so that Sparky can go and beat them up. And apparently, this is a job. So the question is, what exactly is billable here? Can the other person (Let’s call them Sparky #2), bill for the time they spent hitting on the girlfriend in the first place? Can they bill for the time they spend responding to the ad? Does this job come with a 401(k)?
And now that Sparky #1 is an employer, can they write off the bra as a legitimate business expense? And would that be on Schedule DD?
Thanks for the post, Jeanann!
ATTN: Hiring Partner
Dear Madam or Sir:
As you can see from my enclosed résumé, my skills include auto detailing, asking clients their bra sizes, telling clients that they are no fun, and not accepting stupid dares that clients’ significant others post on Craigslist. I hope that you will consider me for any open position for which I am qualified.
You men are all the same! You only think about one thing. F-U-N.
Wasn’t the girlfriend supposed to give the details automatically? No wonder the client is not happy.
Damn, that’s a nice set of headlights you’ve got there!
*kapow*
Wow, that was easy. Guess I didn’t need a Craigslist ad after all.
Okay, true (1980’s) story.
I took my sister to the grocery store. It was early evening. After she bought her stuff, we came back out to my vehicle. There in the parking lot, we saw a car with the driver’s door wide open and the headlights were on. I said, “I hope she doesn’t take too long shopping or she might come out to a dead battery.” My sister asked me, “How do you know it’s a woman’s car?” I said, “Okay, we’ll just sit here and wait. You’ll see.” Oh, it was on then. We had to sit there until she came out. (or he came out per my sister) Soon enough, a woman came out and got in the car and left. I said, “See?” My sister looked at me kind of disgusted and asked, “How did you know?” I said, “Easy, I could tell by the headlights.” That made her laugh, but she was constantly testing me after that. Up to date, I still have a 100% on my headlight to gender test.
Okay, One. You left out some details. Are the head lights uneven? One is larger than the other? Turned slightly inward?
Heeheeheehee.
*points at Windy’s vehicle*
A woman drives that one. I can tell by the headlights. I mean, look at them. Isn’t it obvious?
Well, gotta go to work. be gone for about 11 hours.
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Only on Wednesday.
Hope the scumbag see this.
So odds on Sparky #2 contacting Sparky #1 for this job are 5 trillion to one, and falling.
Certainly madame I will accept your $20 bet. What’s your name? Cell number? Bank details? Bra Size?
I love when William Carlos Williams gets all macho on Craigslist!
This is just to say
I have seen
The bra
That was on
My girlfriend
And which
You were asking
Sizes
For fun.
Email me.
We were insulted.
Scumbag
So dumbass
Dear re.auto detailing
…..I’m sorry you didn’t appreciate my little joke…I won’t do it again…no, really ..I promise, I will try not to do it again…well, I may do it again…but I’ll apologize again…and I’ll then try not to do it again, again. O.K.??? Please vote for me…..Carlos D.
U dumbass put ur number on here I can find u and meet up with u
Will the real dumbass please stand up?
[matt]You know, you shouldn’t make so much fun at Sparky here. I mean, he just found out that his girlfriend isn’t fun. So “you” might be difficult to spell at this time. Maybe it’s “ewe” because his girlfriend is a ewe. Or maybe it’s “yew” because he wood not want to make a bad spelling eyore and that would make him the dumbass. So until we get this thing all sorted out, why don’t you go sit down over there on the group double U bench.[/matt]
Um, I didn’t just stand up to say that.
Strictly speaking, I was referring to the fact that Sparky 1 thought Sparky 2 would actually respond. But I see your point. I’ll be over on the bench.
“U Dumbass” is my U2, Dixie Chicks mash up band.
I thought that was the Chixie Dicks…
And liddle lamzy divey
Mairzee Doats?
Qxthlrtpl.
Cannot help “hearing” this as surfer-speak, which means read as Keanu Reeves crossed with Sean Penn . . .
Scumbag asking my lady her bra.
[Non-surfer] inquiring, rudely, of my significant other’s friend
(Bra = brother = close friend/compatriot)
Size and telling her she is no.
Sighs, and insists that SO does, indeed have that knowledge.
Fun.
Contrarian expression.
U dumbass put ur number on here I can find u and meet up with u
Duud, chill, I’ll tall’ya, but not in front of her, catch me later, down low, dude.
It sounded more like Shatner-speak to me, what with the clipped. Sentences.
Okay, here it is.
42
But I still don’t think that will help you find me. Before you can find a dumbass or a smartass or a fatass or a big ass or a crazyass, you need to start with the basics. You probably couldn’t find your own sorryass with both hands tied behind your back.
Hmm, “ur numbers”? could “bra.size” be a number in base26?
a = nominal 1
r = 19 * 26!
b = 2 * 26!²
+
20**-1
9*26!**-2
26*26!²**-3
5*26!³**-4
Carrying the eº and a ear scratch, that ciphers to smoked salmon treats (e.g. lox stolen from counter)
This was clearly meant as a job for a beat poet. Can’t you hear the bongos?
re.auto detailing
by Sparky #1
Scumbag asking my lady her bra.
Size and telling her she is no.
Fun.
U dumbass put ur number on here I can find u and meet up with u
The fee is payable in more mic time.
Whaaaaa?
There’s a minimum bra size to be fun?
So it wasn’t me doing it wrong all those years…
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up, so I can punch you?
Digi! Welcome back! Now, get out of my brains!
New!!! In theaters soon!
Das Booty, follows a group of young German co-eds aboard the U-Dumbass, watch them compare bra sizes and determine who is more “fun” under the high seas.
Don’t miss the underwater underwear high jinks!!
One, did you have a good day in the box with a giant talking smart-ass spider? Good thing he’s your close, personal friend! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Fun Size Snacks!
I get so excited when one of my submissions gets posted. My life is very exciting.
You could cram in more excitement were you to show up every day to check. 8) Just a thought.