YSaC, Vol. 1586: Oh no! I’ve been Misqueted!

2013 August 26

****FIRE WOODS MISQUITE**** – $100

TEXT ME ########## OR########## IF YOUWISH TO BE DELIVERED 50.00 MORE

I think this person is somewhat unclear on the concept of “delivered.” Typically, if I purchase a product, and then desire to spend a bit more money to arrange to have myself and the product occupy the same spacetime coordinates, it is the case that I want the PRODUCT moved to ME. Not the other way around. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I’m not really sure what they are.

Now if you excuse me, I have to go play “MISQUETI” on a triple word score.

Thanks for the post, WH!

22 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 August 26

    Mmm, now I want Misqueti and meat balls in a nice marinara sauce!

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 August 26
      P-Rex permalink

      I read that as a nice mariner’s sauce and really started to wonder about you.
      My bad.

      Adores: 2
  2. 2013 August 26
    Aaron of Minneapolis permalink

    …lead us not into textation, but deliver us from Sparky…

    Adores: 7
  3. 2013 August 26

    Normally a good fire will keep the misquetes away.

    Adores: 6
  4. 2013 August 26
    Bratty Innocence permalink

    “Misquite & Misqueti” was a ’70’s dramedy about two hip dudes in NYC who were cool cops by day and hung out in a disco by night. Many of the scenes took place in a hot tub with the beautiful women they danced with in the club. It didn’t last long…America just wasn’t ready for full frontal nudity during prime time.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 August 26

      Wait, FFN male or female? Cause I would have been ready for the first one!

      Adores: 1
  5. 2013 August 26
    CapnMac permalink

    Alas, Dear Oratorio–
    Look here, Yo-Ricky; I knew him well,
    He hath fired wi’ the flame of
    Prairie softwood kilned to charcoal.
    Until dread day ere he stood in stocks
    Under duress for plagerism most vile
    –And Vilely charged ’twas, too.
    So, broght low to this base boneyard,
    Striipped–de-livery-ed–and left
    Don Misquoti, forever Dean of the college
    Of the wrongly cited.

    Adores: 2
  6. 2013 August 26

    How much mesquite
    would a woodchuck misquite
    if a woodchuck could
    misquite mesquite?

    A woodchuck would misquite
    a $100 bundle, $50 extra for delivery
    but only if a serious buyer inquire
    about the woodchuck’s misqueti.

    Adores: 3
  7. 2013 August 26
    CapnMac permalink

    [firewood corey]The wood from Prosopis has much to recommend it, once passed through the oaster thar is a charcoal kiln.
    Until that time, it’s as rude a firewood as green hickory, or pitch pine. Hard to start, prone to popping & spitting, and flinging adhesive embers & brands about. Just not the ticket for a backyard firepit, even if Bob is your uncle.
    As a wood-working material, mesquite is as hard as hickory, but with a far more contrary grain–and without compensatory strength or flexibility.

    Also, wood is sold in specific units, each of a different volume.
    Firewood is sold in “cords” (half; full; face; & ‘fits in truck’).
    Woodworking lumber is sold by the “board foot”–a squirrely unit of measure using a 144 cubic inch volume.

    $100 would be fair for a full cord of (lousy) firewood (that’s about whar green split oak goes for the face cord locally).
    $100/bf is flat-robbery, as Brazillian Ipe can be had for $1-2/bf.
    I’m trying, & failing, to brain some sort of perverse Adult Service this might be, but, all I am drawing is a blank.

    Adores: 3
  8. 2013 August 26
    Charlie B permalink

    Sparky is apparently a wood dealer who does obstetrics on the side. That accounts for the low fee for delivery, undoubtedly higher for a Caesarean delivery.

    Adores: 2
  9. 2013 August 26

    I got up to “Misqueti” and was suddenly attacked by the mental picture of a bundle of logs bursting out of the ground to scream at me for turning my game off without saving.

    I’ve been playing WAY too much Animal Crossing, haven’t I.

    Adores: 3
  10. 2013 August 26
    One Moving Violation permalink


    While I’m thinking about that proposition, I need to go throw the cow over the fence some hay.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 August 26

      One, you certainly don’t look or sound Youwish.

      I know, I know, Benjamin Netanyahu on line 1 for me. Oy!

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 August 26
        One Moving Violation permalink

        There’s nothing like yewish wood. Once you go yew, you never go ash.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 August 26
          Brer Fox permalink

          This thread is dry rotting fast. That’s “degrading fast” for those of you who are not up on the latest wood terminology.

          Adores: 1
  11. 2013 August 26
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    No, you’ve got it all wrong. Pastor Sparky here is offering you a way to heat your home and a path to salvation.

    He’s in my gospel cover band, Mesquite Salvation. Our most recent setlist:

    The Trees
    Norwegian Wood
    Ring of Fire
    Knock on Wood (Floyd/Cropper into the Bowie version)
    Woke Up With Wood
    …and the entire Songs from the Wood album.

    You haven’t truly understood Jethro Tull until you’ve heard them done as gospel tunes.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 August 26
      Aaron of Minneapolis permalink

      Hehehe… 🙂

      I’d almost pay to hear that.

      Adores: 1
  12. 2013 August 26
    Bridgete permalink

    Does the 50.00 more cover preferred method of self-delivery? Am I at least permitted to walk of my own volition between your delivery vehicle and the door? I do not wish to be carried over your delivery man’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

    Adores: 2
  13. 2013 August 26
    Brer Fox permalink

    There once was a grouchy old Yeti
    Who dated a cute young Misqueti.
    The subject of wood,
    and whether he could,
    caused Misqueti to throw some confetti!

    Adores: 3
  14. 2013 August 26
    Ralph permalink

    Misquite can probably disguise herself to look like fur doors, but I preferred the Jennifer Lawrence version. I’d be interisted in bundling with her.

    Adores: 2
  15. 2013 August 27

    Capn Mac, as always, thanks for playing and here’s your lovely parting gift. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Woody!

    Adores: 0

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