YSaC, Vol. 1672: If I only could, I’d be running up that… bicycle?

2014 March 3

Recently, I purchased a treadmill. I don’t actually like running, but it beats the heck out of actually having to pay attention to what I eat. And you know what? Treadmills really are great exercise. Those suckers are heavy.

What’s even more terrifying is that even after five years of writing for this blog, I still bought it off of Craigslist. But not from this person:

Nordic track treadmill – $150



Rarely used!!!! In good conditions :)

It may be in good conditions, but one of those conditions is not actually the condition of being a treadmill. On the other hand, I’d still rather have that one than this one:

treadmill for sale-genitally used – $400

I am getting ready to move and am not going to have space for this any more. It has been genitally used however it is in good shape. It folds up against the wall to have a smaller foot print in the room. I am unable to haul and it is not really light so be sure to bring someone with a truck! Cash only…first come first serve….if it is on here it is NOT taken!
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

Treadmill. You’re doing it wrong.

Thanks for the posts, Bev and Chance!

22 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 March 3
    kelli permalink

    I’m not buying anything that is genitally used.

    Adores: 8
    • 2014 March 3
      CapnMac permalink

      Pretty sure the CL terms-of-service cover even renting genitally-used items . . .

      Adores: 6
    • 2014 March 3
      zero.nada.none. permalink

      “I’m not buying anything that is genitally used”…….

      Well, of course you’re not, kelli…….you’re not a guy.

      Adores: 3
  2. 2014 March 3
    kelli permalink

    I’ll only buy the first treadmill if it comes with someone to work the pedals so I can pretend to be in chair sedan.

    Adores: 7
  3. 2014 March 3
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    I didn’t think you were allowed to sell things for genital on craigslist. I’m pretty sure Chris Hansen is going to jump out from behind that yoga ball.

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 March 3
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      “Would you mind explaining to me what interval training means in this context?”

      Adores: 4
  4. 2014 March 3
    Ralph permalink

    Which device to use depends on what you want to exorcise. If your treadmill is leaving footprints, pea soup may be next.

    [Corey] Neither one is actually a treadmill, since they don’t mill anything. They’re also too small for a horse, which was the usual source of this type of mill power. /end Corey

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 March 3
      kelli permalink

      If you’re exercising, you don’t really need a treadmill. Well, unless your demons like to keep their meat suits fit. Try a bit of holy water and these words, “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus,
      omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii,
omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.

Ergo, draco maledicte.
Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire,
te rogamus, audi nos.”

      Adores: 3
      • 2014 March 3
        CapnMac permalink

        That turned me into a newt!

        Adores: 11
      • 2014 March 3
        SilvaNoir permalink

        Too much to remember. I’ll stick with “The power of Spice Christ compels you!”

        Adores: 3
  5. 2014 March 3

    treadmill for sale-genitally used

    John Waters is taking notes.

    Adores: 5
  6. 2014 March 3

    Guys, RUN from that genitally used treadmill. Not only did it turn one ball blue, but look at the swelling!

    Adores: 16
  7. 2014 March 3
    Windrose permalink

    Yeah. Sparky, your exercise program needs work. Twenty reps a day doesn’t mean what you think it means.

    Congrats to the new people in the box, and Punchity Punch Punch to the ones who were there only yesterday.

    Good Morning, La Fitnesse!

    Adores: 2
  8. 2014 March 3
    limelolly permalink

    Exercise…you’re doing it wrong.

    Adores: 5
    • 2014 March 3
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Well, I do imagine pushups become significantly easier if you’re got a third appendage to help.

      Adores: 4
      • 2014 March 3

        And now “one-handed push-up” sounds like a euphemism.

        Adores: 4
        • 2014 March 3
          Bombdude permalink

          Yep, one handed push-up/pull-up… It’s possible.

          Adores: 2
  9. 2014 March 3
    Chthulhu permalink

    Grosstraining?

    Adores: 8
  10. 2014 March 3
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

    That’s what the treadmill said, but did Sparky listen? Now it just stays folded up against the wall, genitally rocking back and forth.

    Adores: 6
  11. 2014 March 3
    Frigglesnitz permalink

    Fairly certain- if you’re advertising on Craigslist about your genital usage- you’re going to get unsolicited offers about your services.
    And how much extra it would be to leave those aforementioned small footprints in unmentionable places.

    *offers a round of brain bleach shots to all*

    Adores: 7
    • 2014 March 3
      Windrose permalink

      Pretty good Frigging comment there!

      Adores: 3
  12. 2014 March 4
    Windrose permalink

    Blah. Blah blah blah. DU du du blah. Oh, yeah. Blah.

    Adores: 0

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