YSaC, Vol. 1794: I gotta crow.

2014 December 12

Sleeping Beauty: Crow Edition - w4mm (My neighbor's house)


Maleficent has struck again. Princess Aurora (or prince, not yet verified) has yet once again been cursed and has been in a deathlike sleep for the past 4 days. Maleficent has kicked it up a notch this time. Aurora is trapped in the body of a crow, sleeping peacefully on a tree swing in my neighbor's front yard. So, I am now seeking a Prince Phillip to provide a true love's kiss. Looking for someone with a good immune system, just in case this is just a random dead crow that happened to die in a really cool way. Yet, I'm pretty sure it's Aurora. Kinda.

To apply, just show up to my neighbors house and start kissing the dead crow, I mean Aurora, and hopefully you'll have the magic touch!
(If an older man comes out of the house and starts shooting at you, you didn't get the job).
Good luck!

Most of the time, we don't use this type of post on YSaC. This type of Sparky doesn't really *suck* at Craigslist, they're just trying a little too hard to be funny. It raises the question of why they pick Craigslist as their medium of choice in the first place, instead of a bathroom wall or the New Yorker, but whatever.

In this case, however, I am intrigued by their choice of category. "w4mm", as far as I can figure it, is intended to be used by women looking for two men for a threesome, and not, for example, for people seeking romance with a dead crow. I'm pretty sure I don't WANT to know what category that goes in, and if you bring up rule 34, I will punch you in the neck.

Thanks for the post, Zippy!

17 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 December 12
    CapnMac permalink

    Dunno, it's pretty clear Spark' here is not exactly in tune with reality. If a person sucks at reality can it not be postulated that they would then suck at CL, too?

    Mayhap the play's the thing, and I ought wax upon mad princes, their wacko sisters, and dead birds in Notlob, Denmark.

    Adores: 1
  2. 2014 December 12
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Prince, not yet verified is the name of my the Artist Formerly Known as Prince cover band.

    Adores: 4
    • 2014 December 12

      This is the backstory of my Artist Formerly Known as Prince/Counting Crows mashup band.

      Adores: 5
  3. 2014 December 12
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Close scene: Sparky disheveled and wild eyed, crowing at the moon.

    Tv clicks off. Teacher turns to a bored room of teenagers.

    Teacher: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should NEVER take hallucinogenics.

    Adores: 4
    • 2014 December 12
      nojazzhere permalink

      "Teacher: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should ALWAYS take hallucinogenics."

      There M2N2, fixed it for ya.

      Adores: 6
  4. 2014 December 12
    Ralph permalink

    Nevermore.

    Adores: 1
    • 2014 December 12

      He's just a Poe boy, from a Poe family.

      Adores: 10
  5. 2014 December 12
    HamCan permalink

    necrowphilia?

    Adores: 11
    • 2014 December 12
      Meg permalink

      Necrowmancing the stone?

      Adores: 3
      • 2014 December 12
        Capn Mac permalink

        The stone cold parr-er, Crow! WINTER IS COMING!

        Adores: 2
  6. 2014 December 12

    And it gives me great pleasure to announce that RALPH has to leave the box. Punchity Punch Punch! You're such a loon.

    Good Morning, Raven Lunatics!

    Adores: 0
  7. 2014 December 12
    Brer Fox permalink

    *towards full moon*
    Aurrorrorrorrorrorra!

    Adores: 0
  8. 2014 December 12
    One Moving Violation permalink

    IRVING!!

    *sob*

    And this jerk keeps calling him Princess Aurora.

    Adores: 1
    • 2014 December 12
      One Moving Violation permalink

      By the by, would ya have a wee bit of mustard up in the fridge?

      Adores: 1
  9. 2014 December 12
    Capn Mac permalink

    To kiss or not to kiss,
    That is the question
    would well vex a Prince
    To humble Notlob royalty;
    Hath yon crow Gone Beyond,
    Join't the Choir Invisible,
    To become A Dead Crow!?
    Mayhap only Ned Stark
    Knows whether the play's the thing,
    Or it's all just our febrile Imaginings
    Of sisters most Ophelia.
    Hark then, stout Horatio,
    Here, far from boneyard's rusty swing
    See the beak I'm loathe to kiss.
    Forfend, Horatio, mayhap
    You are meant to menage
    But neighbor's rusty swing
    Would be a Troy for all.
    Let us not join dear Yorrick
    Just ye, but away to Outrageous Fortune
    Anon!

    Adores: 4
  10. 2014 December 12
    Brer Fox permalink

    (Continued from post #1793)

    I am an ex-printer princess

    All right then, if she's restin', I'll wake her up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Miss Aurora Princess! I've got a lovely fresh sloppy-kiss for you if you show...

    (owner hits the cage)

    There, she moved!

    No, she didn't, that was you hitting the swing!

    I never!!

    Yes, you did!

    I never, never did anything...

    (yelling and hitting the swing repeatedly) 'ELLO AURORA!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

    (Takes princess out of the swing and thumps her head on the tree. Throws her up in the air and watches her plummet to the ground.)

    Now that's what I call a dead princess.

    No, no.....No, she's stunned!

    STUNNED?!?

    Yeah! You stunned her, just as she was wakin' up! Norwegian Crows stun easily, major.

    Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That princess is definitely deceased, and when I picked her up not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to her bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squat.

    Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

    Well, I’m sure you get the idea.

    *patiently awaits post #1795*

    Adores: 0
  11. 2014 December 14
    HamCan permalink

    If there was more than one I would suspect murder...

    Adores: 7

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