YSAC, Vol. XXVI

2008 September 7
tags:
by drmk

Parade Float Castle – FREE


Have an upcoming parade? We built this castle for a “candyland” themed parade. It is light-weight (made of tissue and chicken wire) and built on pallets for easy lifting to your trailer or wagon. It stands a little over 6′ tall and about 5 feet wide. Hoping someone can use…it was a first place winner! If you pick up up….it’s yours!

Wait … if someone buys a pre-made parade float, how are they going to do the obligatory montage scene in the movie? You know the one — first you show the kids hard at work on the float, then you show the clumsy kid knocking something over and everyone laughing with (not at) him … then you show the hero and heroine conveniently working on the same part of the float, and something cute happens and they both smile and fall in love instantly … someone decorates something differently than what they’re supposed to and everyone comes over and looks at them disapprovingly but lovingly … and all the while, a catchy, peppy rock song is playing in the background. At the end, everyone collapses in exhaustion onto their impossibly perfect float, with flowers and sawdust impeccably placed in their hair to make them look adorable.

Seriously, you can’t just BUY a parade float … you have to montage one. Everyone knows that.

Also: Why is Santa dressed as the Pope of Candyland?

24 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 July 28
    Anonymous permalink

    Santa is dressed as the Pope of Candyland because it’s Sinterklaas, for whatever reason.

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 November 27
      Windrose permalink

      Dear Anonymous early version of Corey, that still doesn’t explain why Santa was in Candyland! Sure, I haven’t played the game in some years, so maybe it has changed, but to my best recollection Santa was not Pope of anywhere except the North Pole.

      Adores: 5
  2. 2009 August 29

    Wish I’d had this for the prom, way back when… now *that* would’ve been an entrance!

    Adores: 1
  3. 2011 November 27
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    But you forgot the part of the montage where someone decorates the float in an obscene and anatomically correct way! That’s the best part! At least in the Monkey Household! *pouts* Christmas is ruined.

    Adores: 4
  4. 2011 November 27
    Windrose permalink

    The float says “How Sweet It Is” on the side, so I expect it was made of real candy and was eaten shortly after those photos were taken. Now that would be a montage, especially when the fat kid falls into a sugar coma and they have to call the paramedics!

    Adores: 5
  5. 2011 November 27

    I know what I want to be when I grow up. Uhh… How does one become the Pope of Candyland?

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 November 27

      First you need a large windowless van with “Free candy” painted on the side…

      Adores: 9
      • 2011 November 27
        Windrose permalink

        I think you have to start your own religion, and like worship Milton Hershey. Communion with Necko wafers, and everyone throws Good ‘N’ Plenty at weddings. Babies are dunked into soda fountains, and eating a chocolate Easter bunny once a year is required. When you can make flawless taffy without a thermometer, you are confirmed and given the Holy Cook Book of Aunty Oaks. I could keep going. Because I have too many days off and can easily procrastinate the things on my to-do list.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 November 27
          CapnMac permalink

          After which you will need to raise bishoprics, which will then require a peerage system to raise archbishops. Who will then need Cardinals elevated.

          Once a College of Cardinals is raised, then, they will convene, and only after serious contemplation and meditation and inspiration, will nominate a Legate.

          If the entire College of Cardinals agrees, the candy wrapper fires will cease burning with black smoke from overheated sugar, but will, instead burn white in the miracle of hard-crack glass sugars.

          Papa vivit diu vivere Papae!

          (We will make no mention of the schism of apostate white chocolateers; nor of the heathen carob infidels.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 January 20
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Cardinals don’t need to be raised. They can raise themselves. They got wings.

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 January 20
          CapnMac permalink

          “Heathen Carob Infidels” just has to be IF’s TMBG/REM cover band.

          Adores: 1
  6. 2011 November 27

    *Music begins to play as Taco walks up to the CandyLand float*

    *Music continues as Taco surreptitiously reaches into his inner jacket pocket*

    *Music reaches a heroic sounding climax as Taco pulls out a small butane torch and lights it*

    *The scene transitions to a wide shot of the float fully engulfed in flames. Music fades out as the scene fades to black*

    I’ve always wanted to do a montage!

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 November 27
      Windrose permalink

      Are you still carrying a torch for Innana?

      Adores: 4
  7. 2011 November 28
    Windrose permalink

    kelli, see if you can decipher this code: Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Pasadena!

    Adores: 0
  8. 2013 January 20

    It’s true what they say: a man’s [mobile] home is his [parade float] castle.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 January 20
      One Moving Violation permalink

      That is so true D/DM, and it so touching too.
      *wipes away tear*
      *walks over to float and grabs a tissue*

      HOOOONK!

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 January 20

        One, I’m gonna put you in the box of kleenex.

        Adores: 1
  9. 2013 January 20

    (puts on a sun hat and sings)

    Wanna be the Pope of Candyland.
    Wanna be the queen of the parade.
    Let’s meet and make a castle now.

    Adores: 2
  10. 2013 January 20

    I’ve never been the Pope of Candyland, but for a brief time I was the Prophet of Battleship. (That was before the H-6 Incident, but I’m not allowed to talk about that.)

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 January 20
      CapnMac permalink

      (deliberately does not mention the Mike BayPete Berg movie . . . )

      Adores: 1
  11. 2013 January 20
    P-Rex permalink

    …and when you’re down here with me, you’ll float too!

    Adores: 4
  12. 2013 January 20
    Brer Fox permalink

    (made of tissue and chicken wire)

    Sweet! This castle would be a good place to keep my chickens!

    Adores: 2
  13. 2013 January 20
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Who lives in a castle
    Mounted on your truck?
    It’s smaller than an outhouse
    But he don’t give a fuck,
    The Candyland Pope
    The Candyland Pope

    Adores: 6
  14. 2013 January 20
    limelolly permalink

    *starts practicing the pretty princess wave*

    Adores: 5

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