You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 313: Then again, Fergie is probably a spawn of Satan as well.

Written by

drmk

in

FREE FEMALE BLACK LAB

WE HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD FEMALE BLACK LAB “FERGIE” THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO FIND A GREAT HOME. WE GOT HER BECAUSE FRIENDS HOUSE BURNT DOWN AND SHE WAS DISPLACED AND THEY NEEDED TO GET HER A HOME. SHE IS SUPER SWEET AND HATE TO GET RID OF HER BUT SHE HAS STARTED KILLING OUR NEIGHBORS AS WELL AS OUR CHICKENS. WE HATE TO KEEP HER IN A PEN ALL THE TIME. SHE WEIGHS ABOUT 80 POUNDS AND LOVES TO SIT IN YOUR LAP, SHE IS GREAT WITH CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER PLEASE CALL STEPHANIE AT 843-xxx-xxxx.

This dog sounds a bit problematic. First she burnt down your friend’s house (I’m conjecturing there, but it seems like a reasonable conclusion to me), and now she’s killing your neighbors and your chickens? And yet, you say she’s good with children? (As long as the children don’t taste like chicken, I’m assuming.)

I think I’d have to rename this dog Cerberus.

Thanks for sending this in, Katie!

Comments

36 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 313: Then again, Fergie is probably a spawn of Satan as well.”

  1. kt Avatar
    kt

    ohhh that dude with the 180 chickens or whatever finally has a solution to his problem

  2. DrugserBad Avatar
    DrugserBad

    Kills the neighbours… but he’s good with kids! DEAL!

  3. j Avatar
    j

    http://panamacity.craigslist.org/zip/1178547988.html

    I almost sent the above Saturday!

  4. dissimilitude Avatar
    dissimilitude

    Oh, man…one of my dogs dug under the fence once to get into a neighbor’s yard to chase & kill chickens. It was a little embarrassing. If the neighbor had greater proficiency in English (the conversation was mostly in rapid-fire, angry Spanish…) I might have pointed out that although it was true that my dog shouldn’t have been in her yard, it was also true that we live in a CITY, not in Dogpatch, and what the heck did she have chickens running around her yard for? (I found that a nice layer of cement in the hole she dug discouraged the dog quite nicely).

    Killing the neighbors, now that could be a liability.

    1. MoxieHart Avatar
      MoxieHart

      Where do you live? I live in Newark, NJ & both my neighbors have 5 feet chicken coops in their 8 feet yards. I hate it, their roosters wake me up That’s how epidemics get started, people living amongst their damn chickens and getting bird flu.

      1. Amaia Avatar
        Amaia

        I hate to quibble on a humor blog, but it’s been pretty well shown that the industrial factory farms are the problem, not people keeping a few backyard chickens.

        Not that I’d want that dog, either in my house or next door. Yikes!

        1. MoxieHart Avatar
          MoxieHart

          Smallpox jumped from cows to humans by people living too closely with their livestock.
          It’s disgusting, as gross as living with 20 cats in your house.

      2. dissimilitude Avatar
        dissimilitude

        Want to borrow my dog? (You’ll have to come get her, though, I’m in Memphis, TN and it’s a bit of a drive!)

        I don’t have any great issues with chickens in particular, I just think that raising your own livestock is more appropriate to a rural or at least suburban environment. It’s like…a little vegetable garden is fine, nice, even, but if you want to get out the John Deere tractor and plant your entire yard in corn or wheat…..maybe you should move to the country?

        1. MoxieHart Avatar
          MoxieHart

          I just don’t like them because theyr’re loud and smelly. Oh, and one pecked my hand when I was 3 and terrified me. Sorry to get passionate, chickens just freak me out with their beady beady eyes.

      3. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        One of my best friends has partial blindness due to ocular histoplasmosis – even though she’s never kept birds of any kind, indoors or out. I can still see fine, and if I didn’t live in an apartment I’d take that dog just to be safe.*

        *Of course, I live in NYC so having a dog who can take out annoying neighbors as well as chickens, but is good around kids (not that I have any) would be a total bonus!!!

  5. kristen55 Avatar
    kristen55

    I think it’s great that they didn’t mind when it killed the neighbors, but when it started killing their chickens, that was just too much!

  6. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    THAT IS A GOOD DEAL

  7. HappyNat Avatar
    HappyNat

    Being as I don’t like my neighbors I think I need this dog.

  8. Katie C. Avatar
    Katie C.

    She’s great with children!

    (Just not the neighbor’s children)

  9. casualencounters.com/blog/ Avatar
    casualencounters.com/blog/

    It’s a tough one. How would you construct that sentence to convey the same information WITHOUT having it sound awkward and WITHOUT any potential ambiguity.

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      She has started killing our neighbor’s chickens as well as our own.

      I don’t think that was that hard.

      1. Katie C. Avatar
        Katie C.

        Yeah, but maybe she really is killing the neighbors!

        Big silly dog that she is …she just needs some obedience training to get her over that little problem she has.

  10. dingobully Avatar
    dingobully

    Without an apostrophe on the “s” in “neighbors” the meaning differs more than slightly. Fun for posting, though.

  11. Erika Avatar
    Erika

    It’s called a misplaced modifier.

    1. isaac Avatar
      isaac

      This really is a punctuation (or spelling) problem, not a misplaced modifier.

      “She has started killing our neighbors’ as well as our chickens” isn’t graceful (drmk’s version is much better), but it’s perfectly clear as far as modifiers are concerned.

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Isaac, you’re approaching my man-lump category in Igor Points.
        (Don’t worry, that’s an office of high esteem on my mental hierarchy.)

        1. isaac Avatar
          isaac

          That’s not the kind of modification I was talking about…

  12. Slager Avatar
    Slager

    MISPLACED MODIFIERS ARE THE BEST

    They turn normal statements into sentences on a collision course to wackiness! Anyway. I enjoy this.

    1. Martha Avatar
      Martha

      /snort

  13. Peta Avatar
    Peta

    I had a dog like this once – we called her man-eating lion… because, well – she was one

  14. Mandy Avatar
    Mandy

    A little concerned that a RAT TERRIER could kill a goat. That’s like my hamster taking down my German Shepherd.

  15. kristin Avatar
    kristin

    so it’s an 80-pound LAP dog?

  16. Crazy konrad Avatar
    Crazy konrad

    i want this dog but i wont let him go to my neighbours will probably kill his sheep and the dogs but hell go well along with my sister at least

  17. Eric Avatar
    Eric

    oh god… this is too funny! Maybe if you put neighbor’s chickens as well as ours…. instead of neighbors as well as ours. Gotta love the shit you find on craigslist

  18. MM Avatar
    MM

    How about saying she doesnt get along well with the chickens in our neighborhood?
    Doesnt that seem more logical?

  19. Hiyame Avatar
    Hiyame

    Oh my goodness… This is the single most hilarious thing I’ve read all day, and I’ve been reading the archives of this blog for many hours. So funny… I think that guy with 520 chickens, like the first poster said, would seriously enjoy this dog. Though, chickens aren’t so tough. My gerbil has fought one of those things. Though… she’s frighteningly vicious, so maybe that’s not a good example.

  20. tigprincess Avatar
    tigprincess

    I think this post should have come with a Government Health Warning. I’ve been unable to breathe with the vision of the arsonist dog killing neighbours and chickens indiscriminately then sitting happily on my knee. Were it not for the fact I live in a flat (apartment) I’d buy it Wonder Dog instantly.

  21. Chari Avatar
    Chari

    I all but died laughing at this one!

  22. RC8e Avatar
    RC8e

    I have some neighbors that would probably be quite yummy.

  23. Aly Avatar
    Aly

    I can’t stop laughing at this one. The comments are great too “Fergie” needs to meet Fat Willie and help out with the chickens.

  24. Jigglypuff Avatar
    Jigglypuff

    I love when 80-pound dogs sit on my lap…

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