YSaC, Vol. 353: Tell him about the Twinkie.

2009 July 5

Free Nice Desk

Hey all yee in need of a solid free desk. Look no further. It’s 59′ 1/2″ long, 30′ deep, and 28′ 1/2″ tall. Four deep droors (how the heck do you spell this) and solid wood. call xxx-xxx-xxxx or email to come and pick it up. evenings are better, but we can work something out. does not come with the box under it sorry just happened to be in pic.

Hear “yee”, Hear “yee”… This desk is 59 feet long, 30 feet deep, and 28 feet tall.  That’s a big desk!  I can only think of one thing this desk could possibly be used for.  A really big Twinkie:

It’s probably a good thing the box doesn’t come with the desk, honestly.  I really don’t need any textbooks the size of Oldsmobiles.

Past that, you have to wonder.. if the poster is aware that “droors” is spelled wrong, why didn’t they look it up?  I can only assume they are trying to be cleverly endearing, like a four year old deliberately asking for an “ithed cream.”

Thanks to Belinda for sending this one in.  And thanks to drmk for letting me make my YSaC debut… we’ll see if she allows me back, or if this is the moment YSaC jumped the shark.

39 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 July 5
    bonni permalink

    Free nice desk that’s twice the size of my house + outboard prop motor = BOAT!! I’ll fish for textbooks all day long.

    Adores: 3
  2. 2009 July 5

    Well if it doesn’t come with the box, what about the carpet or walls? Do ya think I could get those?

    Adores: 0
  3. 2009 July 5
    oi! permalink

    The measurement of the desk baffles me. they are down to the details to inches. first i thought she might have confuse inches and feet but that does not make sense either. She picked wrong manual or assemble sheet? is that it?

    Adores: 0
  4. 2009 July 5
    vickie permalink

    good job Dan with the snark – I vote for not having jumped the shark

    and just imagine the trees needed to build that huge of a desk

    Adores: 0
  5. 2009 July 5
    Anne permalink

    Very funny. Good job, Dan.

    Adores: 0
  6. 2009 July 6
    Count Blah permalink

    “does not come with the box under it sorry just happened to be in pic.” This makes it sound like the photograph wasn’t taken specifically for the ad; the poster just happened to have it lying around (“Still Life With Desk and Box”). Which isn’t impossible, I guess; people have all kinds of reasons for taking pictures of things. But it still strikes me as funny.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 August 26
      alex permalink

      ”Still Life With Desk and Box”…. Picasso (Blue Period)

      btw Google chrome has built in spell check (not advertising, just saying)

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 September 3
        Shalindria permalink

        Just so you know, I work as a writing tutor and a student wants me to check over their paper I have to explain to them that if the word is underlined in red, it means that it’s spelled wrong. Even after that the don’t know to click on it to get a suggestion. Not all students, mind you, but just enough to figure that someone like this guy might not know how to check their own spelling in the futuristic computerized society.

        Adores: 0
  7. 2009 July 6
    DooeyD permalink

    Do the mixed-up measurements remind anyone else of the Stonehenge debacle in Spinal Tap? Or is it just me?

    Adores: 10
  8. 2009 July 6
    jackie31337 permalink

    Why is the left front foot of the desk in the top of a printer paper box, and what’s under the right front foot? Is this a sign that the desk is unstable? Or is the floor just not level?

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 July 6
      Cled permalink

      Yeah, I just saw that, too. Is *that* the box it doesn’t come with… (with which it does not come)? Also, the bottom “droor” on the right looks wonky.

      I think there is more to this than meets the eye…

      Why is this person giving away a “solid free desk”, which we all know is way better than those cheap composite free desks?

      What is really inside those droors?


      P.S. Good job, Dan. You’re a keeper!

      P.P.S. Thanks for the edit button. =)

      Adores: 0
  9. 2009 July 6
    Colleen in MA permalink

    This ad writer is a dooshe (how the heck do you spell this).

    Thanks Dan! Looking forward to more.

    Adores: 0
  10. 2009 July 6
    dogface permalink

    You did fine, Dan! However, just one little thing, this post could use a little more cowbell. :O

    Adores: 0
  11. 2009 July 6

    How come we get Dan’s name, but drmk gives us nothing? So far, in all my months of faithful readership and contributions, I’ve gotten only her first initial. And I’m not sharing it with any of you!

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 July 6
      drmk permalink

      Because there’s eleventy billion people in the world named Dan, and only two with my name. (Okay, that last may be a little bit of an exaggeration. There might be three — there’s unconfirmed rumors of a sighting in Micronesia.)

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 July 6
        bonni permalink

        drmk = Doramarykate. –Or have I said too much?? I must have said too much. What I meant to say was drumkit. No — dreemkatcher. . NO! Droormaker! Don’t worry, Xelda, your secret’s safe with me in Micronesia.

        Adores: 5
  12. 2009 July 6
    Lola permalink

    Solid what? Solid crap? I’d bet an Ikea catalogue that this thing is solid wood-grained particle board.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 July 6
      dissimilitude permalink

      But those wood particles are glued right together to form SOLID wood, you know?

      Actually there’s a desk/workstation type thing sitting in the back room of my house right now that I think might have the dimensions given in this ad. I despair of ever finding a decent place to put it where it’s not blocking a door or something.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 10

      It’s solid, man, far out

      Adores: 5
  13. 2009 August 29
    Kenya permalink

    I feel that the “does not come with the box under it sorry just happened to be in pic,” does not imply artistic intentions. “Just happened to be in pic,” is what someone says when their cat leaps into the picture at the last second.
    So, when the box “just happens” to be there, it implies that the photographer was powerless to prevent the box’s presence. It is immovable, inevitable, and unpredictable.
    Watch out for those photobombing boxes!!

    Adores: 3
  14. 2012 March 10

    Dan, even though you dated this redux for tomorrow, we decided to keep you on anyway. The Llama-nun (MBBUH) is somewhat attached to her Ostrimu, lucky for you. 8)

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 10
      One Moving Violation permalink

      The end of the decaday is nigh.
      Long be the hendecaday!

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 10
      CapnMac permalink

      Blame it upon the impending Daylight Savings Time change, and it’s all good.

      Adores: 2
  15. 2012 March 10
    LimeLolly permalink

    Ginormous desk has no feet.

    All it would do is take up the entire room and swallow everything you owned. Like a black hole. Or a teenager.

    Adores: 4
  16. 2012 March 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Paradox: How does a desk that is solid free have solid wood?
    Is the wood flacid most of the time? I think that is why the box is there.

    Adores: 2
  17. 2012 March 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    “(how the heck do you spell this)”
    T.h.i.s. See how easy this is?

    Adores: 2
  18. 2012 March 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    This ad reminds me of a truck stop that had an ad on their front door for several months.
    19′ color television $249.99
    There was no way I could fit that in my truck.

    Adores: 2
  19. 2012 March 10
    CapnMac permalink

    [comparative volume musing]
    “It’s 59′ 1/2″ long, 30′ deep, and 28′ 1/2″ tall.”

    Above volume, 300.5 x 360 x 336.5″ is 21,066.302 cubic feet.

    A large SUV will fit into a volume of 8′ x 18′ x 6′; or 864 cf.
    Ergo, the supposed desk is 24 1/3 “Suburbans” in volume.

    28′ tall is three residential 8′ tall stories including the structure for the floors. So, this desk as apartment house would be 1770sf per floor, a total of 5310 gross square feet. Call that three 1100sf(rentable net) apartments at a cheap $1.48/sf (no utilities), is a gross income of $4917 per month. A tidy sum to be given away for free.

    Let’s call this single-family house, instead, so, that would be 2-2.5 floors for 3500-3750sf. Built for $210/sf, that desk represents a $750,000 McMansion. (Presuming a 80′ x 90′ lot might be acquired for a mere $75K–tough to do in some cities.)

    A Twinkie™ is 1.1 x 3.9 x 1.5″ (or 2.7 x 9.9 x 3.8cm) or 64.35 cu.in (101.574cm³)
    Sparkie’s alleged free solid desk is 565,696.503 Twinkie™ in volume.
    At $1.12 each, that’s $633,580 9¢ (not incl. tax)
    At 1.28oz (36.4g) each, that’s 45,396# or 20.26 long tons.

    A ‘super’ (largest size) container is 53x8x8.5 for around 3500cf net internal storage. The desk would be 6 super containers (at 2.65 each, that’s 15.9 TEU).

    Hmm, let’s take 21,066cf, and presume it to be 82% empty volume. That gives us 3792cf of “solid” material. If it were willow or poplar at 26#/cf, that’s a piddling 39,592# not quite twenty tons. If this,as Lola wisely suspects, laminate on particle board, that’s 31#/cf for 117,552# or 59¾ tons.


    Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 10
      One Moving Violation permalink

      In layman’s terms that’s “Aaaaarghh! My brain! Make it stop!”
      Thanks Capn’ I needed the stimulation. You know, squeeze out some brain juice.

      Adores: 0
  20. 2012 March 10

    Hey, how did this guy get my pecil measuring device??

    Adores: 2
  21. 2012 March 11
    One Moving Violation permalink

    *eyes sofa in snark lounge suspiciously*

    Adores: 1
  22. 2012 March 11

    Time to Punchity Punch Punch, ghostcat and funky monkey!

    Good night, Brobdingnag!

    Adores: 0

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