YSaC, Vol. 382: Heeere, leezard, leezard, leezard…
Mummified Lizard!!! Perfect Condish!!!
Perfect Lizard Mummy!!! Circa 1997ish
I did not starve or harm this reptile. I Found her in an old broken car!
Will not run away from you!!!Toes = 10
Fingers = 10
Tail = one complete
Eye sockets = two GOOD’URNS
Numerous other detailed parts that you would find on any of today’s Lizards.
Beautiful Collector Item!!!
No cracks, scratches or broken parts. 100% Complete!!!
This one was sent by Blake who points out that it was listed in the barter section, without any particular indication of what the poster wanted in trade.
Frankly, I’m not sure I want to know. Perhaps they would like a nice raccoon?
For that matter, I want to know why the poster is referring to this lizard as “her”? I suppose after conducting a detailed lizard inventory to produce the post (Toes? 10. Fingers? 10. Eye sockets? two GOOD’URNS!) he may have collected enough other data to infer a gender. Then again, I’m not sure how you’d figure that out for a LIVE lizard.
I’m glad it has all the parts one would expect on one of today’s lizards. I know some traditionalists scoff at all the newfangled gewgaws on modern lizards, but I for one support the march of progress as it applies to dessicated reptiles. (I am somewhat stunned, however, by the rare correct use of an apostrophe in “today’s lizards.”)
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I’d be interested, if it weren’t so difficult to find those mummified flies to feed her. I’d name her Lindsey.
I’d name her Alli – as in Alli Gator since that is what it looks like.
A dull, boring dead alligator brought to you by the various preserving agents found in cars and car cleaners. LOL.
Does the car come with? I mean, I’d need a place to put her and all, and she is used to the environment of the ol’ clunker and all that.
Plus I love how they’ve placed it on some artificial leaf that already looks a little ambiguous in terms of the SIZE of the ‘foliage’ they’ve put poor Alli on. I suspect it’s some kind of Fakis palmus, a species simialarly related to Fakis ficus, so it could be a 3-4 foot tree, making the possible size of our poor Alli maybe a foot in length since she does have a curled up tail posture and all that lol.
But on the plus side, naming it Alli would be cool, I mean if in fact it turned out to be a male, you could just shorten the name to Al I. Gator…
this person doesn’t suck at craigslist–that’s a damn good description of a decayed lizard.
That’s why we’ve instituted a new tag — “possibly awesome”.
This one is very definitely possibly awesome. The details, the proper grammar and punctuation, the reference to “today’s lizards” (hee) … all awesome, and YET it’s an ad for a damn lizard mummy. With a picture of said lizard mummy. The hell?
Exactly our line of thinking.
I agree completely.
I also think the “bowl of cereal” post should get the “possibly awesome” tag… but this one is far more (maybe) better.
By the by, there is a way to sex live lizards, although I’m not sure it would work with dried-up dead ones. Reptiles of both sexes have something called a cloaca, within which lie the reproductive and excretory organs.
Is there a very big market for dessicated liazrd corpses?
You would think not, but actually, you’d be right.
“…Today’s lizards”..?
I’m sure they’ve jumped exponentially on the Evolutionary Scale since CARS were invented! How much can only be determined by the year the car was made…or the terminus ante quem date the poor thing met its demise.
The word circa ususally means an approximate date. How uncertain of the date is he to post “circa 1997ish”? 1990? 2007?
The poster found the lizard in “an old broken car”– probably at a junkyard or covered in grass in a now deceased relative’s yard. I can see how the date of death could be uncertain.
Jeeze, I found a dried up old mouse in my shed, maybe I should put it on CL. I had no idea they were going for..well, what exactly? If only he’d set a price, there might be a whole new market out there for dessicated critters!
Well, it WAS under “Barter” – maybe you can trade!
Is your mouse in “perfect condish”??
*I did not starve or harm this reptile*
Does that mean that a large number of available mummified lizards are victims of horrific animal abuse? I wonder if PETA is investigating…
On a more serious note: EWWWWW!
PETA started to investigate this, but they realized that the bombs they were using on the homes and businesses of people who were forcibly mummifying lizards actually did more harm than good, in that they frequently killed entire colonies of bees inside walls.
Not only is this ad possibly awesome, Dan’s commentary is awesome as well. I’ve decided to officially add the word “gewgaws” to my daily lexicon.
Hot Christ! Thanks for the new gewgaws, YSaC!
Liking the new tags. WTF x possibly awesome nails it.
Depending on species, sexing lizards can be fairly easy. Not sure about dried lizards, though.
Hee, I know what “sexing” actually means in this context, but I can’t help thinking of some poor Craigslister trying to get it on with a lizard mummy (complete with satin sheets and Color Me Badd playing in the background). I’m sorry, I’m twelve.
“Will not run away from you!!!”
Ah, the many selling points of mummified lizards. That and the two GOOD’URNS for eyesockets.
See, I wasn’t sure if that meant the lizard wouldn’t run away or the seller wouldn’t run away. Either is possibly awesome.
I’d be interested to see how this lizard was going to be transported to the buyer. Wrapped up in bubblewrap and thrown into a box for the post office to destroy?
I have a turtle, a scorpion and a frog in the same condition. I think all of mine trump lizard, esp. the frog which still retains its eyeballs in the sockets (this is rare! Only found when mummification conditions involve certain extreme environmental conditions and chemical residue!) so if this guy wants to barter he’ll have to up the ante a bit… maybe toss in a nice stag beetle or giant cecropia moth or something…
Awesome listing. ^5
See, turtle and scorpion often trump lizard, but people rarely bid frog, since it’s a minor suit, and you have to go up to the five level for game.
I have been looking for something like this. All of my pets run away from me, this one won’t be able to leave me- EVER!
Though im not sure if this lizard can compete with “today’s lizards”, that’s some tough competition. And thank GOD, the eyesockets are GOOD’URNS, I was pretty concerned about that. And the last mummified lizard I had only had half a tail. What a loser. This one has a *complete* tail! Please oh please be in the Atlanta area!
Just the fact that the poster feels the need to say, “I did not starve or harm this reptile,” and ” Will not run away from you!!!” makes me think that one of those sentences is a lie.
Intact tail means he didn’t try to catch the lizard.
Trust me on this. I have cats.
Confirm. As a child, I had a lizard tail collection.
I’m too distracted by the fact that the poster abbreviated “perfect condish,” but then added THREE exclamation points — thus typing the same number of characters as he would have if he had just written “perfect condition!” It’s like when people actually say “O.M.G.” out loud, even though it has three syllables, exactly as many as it takes to say “Oh my god.” I no longer understand my own culture! OMG!
“Perfect condish” is a Rachael Ray reference. Didn’t you see the episode about her delish $6.00 dried lizard salad?
I’m not interested in it unless you drizzle the lizard in EVOO.
Yummo!
For that matter, I want to know why the poster is referring to this lizard as “her”?
Is there any reason to assume it’s male rather than female? I’m not a lizard professor, but I don’t think the males outnumber the females. It’s just as likely to be a lady as it is to be a dude.
I actually find it kind of funny, aside from the word “condish” in the title, which curls my toes. Oh, and the exclamation mark freakshow bonanza.
This is awesome. We have a dried toad in perfect “condish”. The lack of any scale marker makes me think this thing is wee, though – plus it looks like an anole, and they don’t get very big. If I’m going to be buying mummified things off the internet, they need to be big enough to stick in a display case.
So this completes my museum of mummified animals.
If anyone wants to visit, I can post the junkyard where the museum is located.
It’s awesome, like a really boring zoo.
But you save a lot on feeding the animals.
Anyone here visit Go Fug Yourself? You know how they have those polls where you can vote fug or fab? I think it would be fun to have the same thing on here. Awesome or Awful? Or maybe Suck or… uh… Doesn’t Suck? Hmm, not quite as catchy.
Anyway, I vote awesome on this one. If I were in the market for mummified lizards (or mummified ANYTHING for that matter) I would definitely be contacting this person!
Nah.
I like the sense of round-table discussion here. We’re all here to be as funny as we can be. I think YSaC works well this way, without gimmicks cluttering it up.
I’m posting this a few days too late, but happy 1 year anniversary YSaC!