YSaC, Vol. 400: Birds of paradise?

2009 August 21

looking for a A-bird or two


I am looking for an Attack Bird or a pair of Attack Birds to watch my home while I am at work. I have bad allergies and cannot have an attack dog or cat so I thought a bird would be my next best choice.
Maybe an attack snake but I dont think you can train those like a bird? If you can please let me know.

thanks Thomas

I’ll get to the bird thing in a minute; I’m kind of stuck on the concept of an attack cat. I mean, I’ve known some mean cats in my time, but short of having a panther in your living room, I’m not entirely sure that a cat will fulfill the function this fellow is looking for. I have two cats — yes, I’m halfway to crazy cat lady — and if someone they didn’t know came into the house, their reaction would be to think, “Are YOU going to feed me?” while they fell on the floor and exposed their soft floofy underbellies to the intruder.

Okay, the bird thing. An attack bird. That you can train. Hmmm. Well, let’s see what we’ve got out there, shall we?


Jessica sent this one in from the online classifieds section of what appears to be a local television station:

$35.00 Frills PIGNEOS $ for both, 4 ring neck dove 25.00 FOR ALL

FOR BABEIS RING NECK DOVE/ 2 babeis frills pigneos
FOR SALE 4 RING NECK DOVE THEy ARE 1 MONTH OLD.

I’ve seen some pretty vicious pigeons in my time, but I don’t know about PIGNEOS. And doves — doves are the international symbol of home SECURITy, aren’t THEy? That’s why they release doves at weddings — to keep the bride and groom safe. *nods wisely*

Okay, okay. Pigeons and doves aren’t your idea of home security systems. Fine.

cockatwo


we .would like. a rehoming fee of 100.00 with cage.and other ? please call xxx-xxx-xxxx or xxx-xxx-xxxx sarah

400a400b

I. would like. to know what is up.with the random punctuation ? Anyway, cockatwos are attack birds, right? Eh, forget it. I keep hearing the word “cockatwo” in Mae West’s voice. “I like myself a cockatwo … or three, or four.” For some reason it then morphs into Groucho Marx’s voice, and that’s just weird.

Luckily, I think we might have a solution to Thomas’s problem, although it was under the Lost & Found section:

Red Tail Hawk Kills Another Pet


Another one of our pets was killed by the Red Tail Hawk last week. I found her two feet and some intestines, that was all that was left.
I woke up this morning to find the hawk waiting to kill another one of our pets or the neighbors.
Sad to have to live under such constant fear of being attacked by these birds. Always having to worry about any of the aniamls going outside or even the kids playing outside is so dangerus. The bird doesn’t have a nest near here, but they are here everyday to hunt and kill what ever they like. It is never ending. Some days there are 7-8 in the air, over our house wating to gang up on one of the pets. So sad we and all of our neighbors can not live in peace. We are all under attack everyday!!!
The Federal Goverment doesn’t care about the People or their pets. Just pay your TAXES!!!!

Okay, Sir/Madam, I’m very sorry that your pets are being killed by a hawk.

I’m also very sorry that the hawks are now waiting to kill your neigbors.

But, since you seem to know where to find birds of prey that Wikipedia (the arbiter of all knowledge!) claims are easily trainable, I think Thomas would like to have a word with you; I think the two of you could come to a mutually satisfactory conclusion.

See? We at YSAC are all about helping.*

Thanks to Vicki, Jessica, Krisha, and Isabel for the posts!

*This may not actually be true.

91 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 August 21
    Olivia permalink

    just a small point, the pictured bird isn’t a cockatoo, it is a cockatiel, much smaller and less vicious ๐Ÿ™‚

    Adores: 7
    • 2009 August 21
      Windrose permalink

      I have about 20 cockatiels, and let me tell you, they can be vicious! Some of the worst bites I ever got came from trying to save one of these little feather brains from themselves. 8) Gotta love ’em.

      However, I do have a psycho Half-moon conure that has repeatedly chased my husband around the house with murder in his eye. The bird’s eye, not my husband’s. But as they say, love me, love my murderous psycho bird.

      Adores: 13
      • 2009 August 23
        Nathan permalink

        My ex-girlfriend had a cockatiel that could definitely be termed an attack bird. If I didn’t have glasses, I would be short an eye thanks to that bird.

        Adores: 4
      • 2009 November 16
        arallyn permalink

        I remember reading a Dave Barry column about a parrot that belonged to his friends who had an IQ of 260 and learned to talk simply so it could get people to come close enough so that he could take chunks out of their body.

        It pretty much describes every bird I’ve ever dealt with.

        Adores: 6
  2. 2009 August 21

    Bwahahaha! Pay your taxes!

    Adores: 3
  3. 2009 August 21

    I respectfully disagree on the cat issue. My aunt had a cat who had to be locked in the basement when guests came over. Otherwise, you could expect shredded ankles for the horrible offense of SITTING IN A CHAIR (any chair – didn’t matter).

    Adores: 10
    • 2009 August 21

      Me too. I was a vet tech and we had many cat patients who were so mean that they’d viciously attack any “intruders” in the owner’s home (and us, but we had anesthetic drugs on our side).

      Adores: 6
    • 2009 August 21
      Gary permalink

      I have a cat like that. He hates pretty much everyone. He’s usually locked in one of the bedrooms when anyone comes over – repairmen, guests, etc. I mistakenly thought he would be good one New Year’s Eve, and let him go downstairs. He jumped up onto the back of the couch, and then onto someone’s back! Yikes.

      He’s also an ankle biter. The worst thing you can do is turn your back on him, then you’re fair game.

      Well, actually he’s my roommate’s cat. But he likes me better, so there. And he’s such a big baby with me, he will headbutt me, he likes to snuggle, sleep on my side, and he’s usually at the foot of my bed. He used to nurse on my shirts when he was younger (I think he was taken away from his mother too early).

      At one point he was declawed, I think that just adds to his fury. But at least it saves people from getting scratched to death.

      He also hates new things, odd smells (like if one of the others goes to the vet), and any type of broom/vacuum/sweeping device. He also hates the cat carriers. He will let out a big hiss when he sees any of those things, and goes running.

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 August 21

        Sometimes if they have a very high fever when they’re babies it can damage their brain and make them super aggressive. Also bottle-fed babies are more likely to turn out mean because they don’t have littermates to teach them bite inhibition.

        I looooove mean cats. They used to call me the cat whisperer because I wasn’t afraid to reach into a carrier with a hissing, snarling, spitting beast inside. I actually think it’s adorable when they hiss and spit. But honestly, I don’t know if I could keep one in my home – I like being able to sleep without fear that something will try to eat my face.

        Adores: 4
      • 2009 August 21
        sweetbiscuit permalink

        this sounds like my cat Daisy-May Brown. She smokes and carries an uzi (no, not really – it just occurred to me that i now sound like a CL pet-torturing psycho) but in my head and hers, if she had opposable thumbs and access to weapons, the human race would have much to fear.
        Sorry to just jump straight into discussion – i’ve been reading the blog for a week now and every day is LOL for something. Keep it up.

        Adores: 6
    • 2009 August 21
      Katy permalink

      My MIL had a cat that went for the eyes- I so wish I was joking on this one. The first time I visited I walked into the ‘wrong’ room, and immediately had fourteen pounds of feline jumping at my head. It knocked me over, then started clawing my face like it was trying to get my eyes.

      The demon spawn has since been de-clawed, but he still bats at your eye sockets whenever you go in ‘his’ room

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 August 22

        drmk – my cats are very much like yours. they’re my little greeters. they don’t always expect food, but you described my boy right down to the floofy underbelly. sigh =)

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Mine’s like that too. I was broken into last year and I’m pretty sure he laid on his back, showed his fluffy stomach, and pointed the way to my jewelry with his tail. (I can’t prove it, so I still keep him. Plus he’s cute.)
          As for attack cats – I think he’d been mistreated at some point. He was very sweet but mistrustful when I first got him (rescue). Pet him the wrong way and the next thing you know you’d be getting out the peroxide and antibacterial ointment yet again.
          Fortunately for both of us, he’s mellowed nicely.

          Adores: 2
  4. 2009 August 21
    Colleen in MA permalink

    Ya’all are bringing back my Alfred Hitchcock-induced bird phobia back. I’ll be inside for the rest of the weekend.

    Adores: 4
  5. 2009 August 21
    Jane permalink

    OMG, they’re keeping that COCKATIEL in a CLOTHES CLOSET! That’s the most cruel thing you can do to a bird. Where’s a red-tailed hawk when you need one??

    Adores: 3
  6. 2009 August 21
    dan permalink

    A good friend of mine had a cockatiel. They named it, “Fruit”. As in “Fruit Cockatiel.” See, if you say it out loud, it sounds like…

    oh, never mind.

    Adores: 25
    • 2009 August 21
      Tim permalink

      We had a cockatiel in college that I wanted to call “Molotov”… As in “Molotov Cockatiel”.

      Ba-dum-bum

      Adores: 28
  7. 2009 August 21

    An Attack Cat? What, like Battle-cat from He-Man? Yeah, they do molt way too much.

    By the look of that ad, I’d say Thomas has a reality allergy.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 August 21
      blake permalink

      Ahh…too late. that was going to be my comment.
      What are the odds multiple people would see that ad and think of He-Man’s pet.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 August 21
        Weezer132 permalink

        Let us not forget that Battle Cat without He-Man is merely Cringer. Without He-Man, he’s just another wimpering 600lb green and yellow-striped cat. Subsequently, you’d need to find a He-Man. Although if He-Man is anywhere, he’s certainly on Craigslist.

        Adores: 7
        • 2009 August 30
          OriginalDavid permalink

          yeah, under m4m.

          Adores: 10
  8. 2009 August 21

    I don’t understand what the person in the last ad wants, exactly. Some kind of bird more vicious than a red tail hawk? Lower taxes? That bird is (those birds are?) pretty scary, though. Apparently it can multiply and divide at will! First it’s “the Red Tail Hawk” (the only hawk you’ll ever need, Thomas!), and it “doesnโ€™t have a nest.” Then it morphs into the “they” that “are here everyday to hunt and kill what ever they like.” Freaky.

    I think the first step in defeating this “never ending” evil is to figure out how many birds we’re dealing with.

    Adores: 8
    • 2009 August 22

      also – it’s posted in lost and found. do they want someone to come and claim their red tail hawk(s)???

      Adores: 3
  9. 2009 August 21
    PrincessLuceval permalink

    There are “7-8 in the air” over their house? I’m sorry, that’s not hawks. They don’t hunt in groups like that. Must be buzzards. Time to get rid of the dead IRS agents’ bodies, Mr. Taxes!

    Adores: 13
  10. 2009 August 21

    Please note that while the “doves” released at weddings are technically doves, they are actually trained white homing pigeons. Only unethical businesses and those who think they can save money use ringneck doves. Any ringneck doves that are released will not be able to fly far and become easy prey for predators, nor will they be able to forage on their own. /steps off soapbox/

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 August 27
      Mental Mouse permalink

      Pigeons are doves! The wild form of the classic city pigeon is called a “rock dove”, they just got used to brick and concrete instead of stony hillsides. (Some have been toyed with by breeders, but all those fancy breeds will quickly revert to wild type if allowed to interbreed.)

      Also noted by Gary Trudeau, who once had Mr. Trump release “the 1,000 pigeons of peace”. I suspect that doves are associated with peace because they can’t effectively hurt a human. I’ve had someone’s “tame” pigeon pecking at my hand, and I took a while to realize it was trying to attack me.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 September 7

        Wood pigeons aren’t doves though…

        Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 30
      OriginalDavid permalink

      homing pigeons are extinct. google it.

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 September 7

        “Homing pigeons were still employed in the 21st century by certain remote police departments in Orissa state in eastern India to provide emergency communication services following natural disasters.”

        Plus http://www.homingpigeons.co.uk/ and related sites probably wouldn’t exist if that were true…

        In actuality, the passenger pigeon is the extinct one. Passenger pigeons were one of the species used as homing pigeons, but not the only one.

        Adores: 4
  11. 2009 August 21

    Attack Bird Security System:

    Take the doves. Cover them in double-stick tape. Rig up them up to spring- loaded launchers. Hook up the trigger to the door. Let the red tail hawk have the run of the house during the day.

    How it works:
    When a burglar enters the home, the dove-launcher fires a couple of sticky birds at the burglar. The birds stick. Now the guy has flapping birds stuck to his body. The red tail hawk, hanging out on top of your entertainment center, sees the birds and opens up a can of whoopass on the burglar.

    Adores: 48
  12. 2009 August 21
    Caro permalink

    As country dwellers, we enjoy watching the three pairs of red-tailed hawks that hunt our cove. We also have a couple of horrid neighbors. Hmmm.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 August 22

      hahahaha. i’m with you, actually. you should fear being on the road anywhere near me because i think watching hawks flying, soaring, hunting is the most fascinating thing EVER. i shouldn’t drive.

      Adores: 1
  13. 2009 August 21
    dissimilitude permalink

    I’m still wondering what kind of “pet” she found two paws and some intestines from….a bunny? A Great Dane? a llama?

    Adores: 12
    • 2009 August 21
      Jami (no "e") permalink

      I kinda hope it was a llama just because that would be pretty amazing for a bird to accomplish.

      On a serious note though, it is sad they lost a pet ๐Ÿ™

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 August 21
        kristen55 permalink

        Far more likely it was a coyote that killed their pet than a hawk, unless the pet was something in the mini-chihuahua-type size. The Red Tails around here are looking for field mice or small rabbits, in fact our local hawk will follow us when we’re mowing with the tractor and pick up any field mice that get mowed over – easy lunch.

        Mentioning llamas reminded me of the time I went out to feed our llamas and there was a bald eagle in the field with them, just walking around. His head came up to the bottom of their bellies. They didn’t seem worried. You think bald eagles are big, but when you see one on the ground – they are HUGE!

        Adores: 4
      • 2009 August 21
        dissimilitude permalink

        True, that is sad that they lost a pet. ๐Ÿ™

        It cracks me up a little that she thinks the hawk is going to swoop down and eat one of her kids if she lets them play outside, though.

        Adores: 8
        • 2009 August 21

          nothing would eat my smelly, sticky, bug-bite encrusted kids. i’m not sure if i should be thankful or embarrassed.

          Adores: 10
  14. 2009 August 21
    StarryNight permalink

    Soooo… just to be clear here. They are angry at the “Federal Goverment” for not doing something about the hawks in their neighborhood and at the same time are complaining about the taxes, presumably because the government is doing too much and the taxes are too high. That does fit in well with someone who would post a rant about neighborhood pests on craigslist’s lost and found section.

    Disturbingly, I can’t help but wonder what their “pets” are that there could be so little left of them. Wikipedia says that Red Tailed Hawks largely eat rodents, but if you have a pet gerbil would you let it go out???

    Adores: 3
  15. 2009 August 21
    Alex permalink

    On a serious note, the sacred geese of Juno’s temple (according to legend) alerted Rome to encroaching Gauls. Maybe a goose is what they’re looking for? Or maybe it only works with sacred geese.

    Either way, they’re smelly, vicious things. My university’s campus is covered in the things (you’re sent down if you harm one, which I’ve wished to do many times). Ugh.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 August 21
      Skinny permalink

      I was just going to say get some attack geese, those suckers are vicious! I’ve been chased away by a squadron of geese and they DO NOT FOOL AROUND! Hard to run when laughing that hard…

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 August 21
        Galadriel permalink

        Yep, people have historically used geese as protectors of property.

        Wouldn’t want them myself; they’re MESSY. Eew.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 August 21
          Cathy permalink

          I had a goose come up to my sliding glass door while I was sitting in front of it, and that vicious animal went straight for my face. Multiple times. Like, he didn’t even care that the glass was bruising his beak, my eyeballs looked that delicious. Cree. Pee.

          Adores: 8
      • 2009 August 21

        Ugh, I was chased by my uncle’s geese when I was about seven. Creepy birds!

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 August 24
          Lola permalink

          I used to have a coworker who had a gander on her little ranch … and then they had him for Christmas dinner because he was so mean. She said “no mean animals on my farm” and meant it.

          Adores: 3
    • 2009 August 21

      i’ve heard that they despise the smell/flavor of grape, and some golf courses somewhere sprayed grape bubble gum flavoring on their lawn to keep the things off. i’d love to play golf if it smelled like grape Hubba Bubba! (and there weren’t any goose poop to step in)

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 22

      Odd. I’ve had nothing but good luck with geese. They walk right up to me when I have my camera in hand and simply want food. If I don’t have any food for them, they just walk away. No scariness.

      Adores: 2
  16. 2009 August 21
    Jami (no "e") permalink

    My fiance and I were just discussing attack cats. I feel they would be ineffective, but he swears they would be excellent. Attack birds is a new one though. Hawks would be the best bet but they’re a little temperamental and hard to train. It’s also very rare to see them hunting in groups as they don’t tend to travel or nest together. They are loners by nature.

    Also, did the second ad confuse anyone else? I get that they have some birds for sale, and some are doves and other are pigeons, but beyond that I’m perplexed.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 22
      Heather permalink

      The second ad also perplexed me. All I could think of while reading it was “how is babby formed?”

      Adores: 5
  17. 2009 August 21

    Would a lecture about the necessity of predators in the ecosystem be warranted here, or would this person just threaten me with a shotgun?

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 August 21
      Colleen in MA permalink

      Yeah, let me guess – that person lives in a brand new development and doesn’t understand why nature won’t go away.

      Adores: 9
    • 2009 August 21
      Josie permalink

      Seriously. I mean, they’re hawks. Not their fault you’ve been leaving your delicious looking pets outside even though you know they’re there…

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 August 26
        Shark Blank permalink

        Reminds me of a video from AFV, where a father and son were outside with a new pet mouse. They had put the little mouse on top of the cage, and Guess What!! A hawk swooped down, snatched up the mouse, and was gone. I think they won first prize too.

        Thank you edit button!

        Adores: 3
    • 2009 August 21

      Haven’t you seen that food-chain chart where all the arrows point to the human’s mouth?

      Adores: 2
  18. 2009 August 21
    cornflakes permalink

    I’ve solved it. A pet guard-gator!
    Alligators don’t have fur and will eat burglars.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 August 27
      Cyrocco permalink

      they would also eat pets
      and, if angry enough
      eat YOU

      Adores: 1
  19. 2009 August 21
    Kathy permalink

    I so thought the last ad was going to end “So if anyone wants to come pick the hawks up they are only $5 each. You have to catch them yourself.”

    Adores: 8
    • 2009 August 21
      Em M. permalink

      I wish. Sounds like something you’d find on craigslist, anyway…

      Adores: 1
  20. 2009 August 21

    Craigslist does totally suck!!! They are always bogus ads and when you try to warn people craigslist bans you. Apparently they want to remain in the news for being a sleazy shitty website that you might get raped on.. and if not just not paid. Total bullshit.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 21

      You… don’t get this site, do you?

      Adores: 11
      • 2009 August 21
        dan permalink

        I believe this qualifies for You Suck at You Suck at Craigslist.

        Adores: 34
        • 2009 August 21
          o rly permalink

          Awesome. AWESOME.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 August 21
          Linda permalink

          I hate when you people make me burst into uncontrollable laughter here in the office. Major points for “You suck at You Suck at Craigslist.”

          Adores: 3
        • 2009 August 21
          dissimilitude permalink

          Add me to the list of people helplessly laughing at their desks over “You Suck at You Suck at Craigslist”.

          Adores: 3
    • 2009 August 21
      janey permalink

      Perfect juxtaposition of clueless comment and slutty photo. Congrats!

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 22
      Alex permalink

      I’m always getting raped or not paid as a result of my Craigslist ads.

      Adores: 13
    • 2009 August 24
      Maureen permalink

      Pedantic of me, I know – but it is impossible to get raped on a website, no matter how sleazy it may be. Trying to figure out how that could be accomplished did cause me to laugh out loud, though.

      Adores: 5
  21. 2009 August 21
    Amy permalink

    Good for the hawks. I love the hawks in my neighborhood. We haven’t had near the problem with feral cats since the hawk family moved in down the block.

    But I have to laugh about the whole “kill the neighbors” and “the kids aren’t safe” thing. Hawks don’t attack people, at least people who aren’t trying to get to their nests anyway. Everyone is perfectly safe outside even with those evil killer hawks around.

    Thomas might want to look into another animal for protection. I hear alligators are popular these days.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 21
      dissimilitude permalink

      Mockingbirds, on the other hand, will divebomb you viciously.

      Adores: 3
  22. 2009 August 21
    Hiyame permalink

    I don’t know, I think that small rodents would be the best attack creatures. No one would see it coming, and man… When gerbils are feeling vicious, they are VICIOUS. Imagine a horde of small critters rushing for the freedom of the open door and devouring anything that tries to block the way… Ah, that’s why my gerbil lives in a cage. She doesn’t bite me as long as I arrive with food.

    Adores: 1
  23. 2009 August 21
    janey permalink

    I find that an effective way to keep my cats safe from predators is to just not let them go outside. But maybe for this guy the hawks are actually breaking into his house or something.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 July 29
      Canola permalink

      This x10. If your pet is small enough to be eaten by a hawk, then it shouldn’t be left outside unattended. I feel bad for the pet that got eaten, but not for the idiot human who let it run around free to be a meal for predators.

      However, I AM amused at the thought of hawks using their talons to jimmy locks on houses and breaking in to eat Floofy the housecat, leaving only feet and intestines in their wake. Hee. I smell a chicken-like autobiography coming on!

      PS: I have been pretending to work/reading the archives for several weeks now. I’m in love. Keep up the awesomesauce.

      Adores: 0
  24. 2009 August 21
    Kyle permalink

    I think that “.would like.” was meant to be read as something like “*would like*” or “_would like_”. That’s how I read it anyway, but I may just be spending too much time on IRC.

    Adores: 0
  25. 2009 August 21
    brashieel permalink

    Honestly, a flock of geese make a decent home defense system. But they’re messy, smell bad, and will attack you as well.

    As to the killer “Red Tail Hawk”… well, I’m pretty sure the birds are getting a bum rap. And probably being misidentified as well. Red-tailed hawks aren’t likely to go after anything much bigger than a squirrel. Still a really hungry one might go after a small dog or cat. The kids are safe, though.

    But… the Federal Government? How are they even relevant? Does she expect the Feds to stick the FBI or the armed forces on this problem? This is something you take up with your civic club, or at most your city government. Or Craigslist, apparently.

    Adores: 0
  26. 2009 August 21

    Who needs guard animals? Just get some sheer curtains from Craigslist and position your life-sized Bea Arthur cutout behind them. Then put your life-sized Spider Man on the couch and hang your inflatable banana from the ceiling. No one will ever rob you, they’ll be too scared.

    Adores: 15
    • 2009 August 22
      Clovis Sangrail permalink

      Don’t forget the horribly soiled rugs that might also keep people away.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 August 22

        No one goes near me because of my truck that’s covered in bees. ๐Ÿ™

        Adores: 17
    • 2009 August 22

      It will also keep you from having any normal friends, but don’t worry, you can pick out some abnormal ones from the strictly platonic section.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 August 22

        Who needs friends when you have Spidey, Bea, and Banana?

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 August 24
          Colleen in MA permalink

          This has to go on a T-shirt.

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 August 24
          drmk permalink

          If you people keep coming up with t-shirt ideas I’ll never actually get them ready, you realize.

          Adores: 1
    • 2009 September 17
      emily#1 permalink

      don’t forget the baker sofa with the dead auntie juice…that will really keep them away!

      Adores: 0
  27. 2009 August 25

    My little brother carries the scar of a parrot attack 40 years later. There was this parrot at a hotel in Mexico, and being as cowboy hats were the thing for 6 year olds back then, he waved his at the bird. Ran down hat, ran down arm, got him right between the eyes. Blood everywhere, stitches. The scar is still quite visible. Decades later my parents went back to that hotel and the owners were annoyed because the kid gave their bird a taste for blood.

    Yeah, that could be trained for home defense. Animal home defense is about fear and noise more than actual injury. A parrot could give you the injuries and the noise, but the fear, well, not proportional to the threat.

    Attack cats pretty much have their own agenda. I can see the most vicious ankle-biter rolling belly up to a burglar.

    Redtail hawk (any raptor) is heavily protected – requires years of training before you can get a license to own one. And I doubt it would attack who you want it to. Their concept of territory is a bit different from ours.

    Adores: 2
  28. 2009 August 25
    Amy permalink

    Maybe he could get one of those plastic owls and put it in his window???
    Everyone’s scared of owls.

    Adores: 0
  29. 2009 August 27
    sfaye permalink

    I had a Welsh Harlequin duck that diligently protected our back yard. He’d chase after anyone he didn’t know who dared to enter (and did a better job than the collie, actually). He also protected his people. The poor cats and the collie were astounded that they were no longer permitted to approach anyone. The duck would wedge himself between you and anyone that dared to approach. I recommend Thomas find himself a good duck.

    Adores: 3
  30. 2009 August 28
    Rappenwolf permalink

    Had a friend whose uncle’s cat was VC for Viet Cong. Used to slither under doorways at night and attack while you were sleeping. Vicious and very scary!

    Adores: 1
  31. 2009 September 5
    Ben permalink

    I would like to mention that the Tax lady is very confused. Red Tailed Hawks do not gather in groups. Like most raptors they are solitary hunters. She is most likely getting the birds circling her house confused with Turkey Vultures or another similar carrion bird. Most likely she and everyone else in her house Are To Scared to clean up the mess left from a cat dismembering something in their yard and now the vultures are waiting for what’s next….. Life is so rich.

    Adores: 0
  32. 2009 September 7

    The phrase “looking for a A-bird or two” conjours up images of some kind of obscure nuclear weapon based upon the pigeon-powered-homing-missles developed (but sadly not used) in WWII…

    Adores: 2
  33. 2009 September 10
    KikiMayMay permalink

    Concerning Thomas–
    I have no idea whether or not you can train an attack snake like an attack bird, however, this bird has amazing attack skills, especially if you live in a mountainous region.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e2AINr0kJE
    In advance, you’re welcome.

    Adores: 0
  34. 2011 May 9
    funky monkey permalink

    I used to have an attack. He chased a guy out of my apartment once, growling and hissing. Poor Joe.

    Adores: 0

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