YSaC, Vol. 416: Whatever you do, don’t cross the … drawers.

2009 September 6

5 Drawer Dresser – $30


5 Drawer Dresser. In good Condition. We are moving soon and need to sell it. Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx if interested.

416

The ordinary reader would look at this and think, “They obviously made a typo and meant to say a four drawer dresser. Twice.” But we, we are not the ordinary reader, are we? We recognize that this dresser is obviously owned by someone who is not constrained by simple physical principles; someone who is capable of postulating spaces and dimensions — and drawers! — that don’t exist. That’s right, as improbable as it may seem, this dresser is owned by, and most likely intended for, a string theorist.

So what do we put in our imaginary drawer? (The Imaginary Drawers would be a great name for a band, wouldn’t it?) Oooh, we could put our stuff in the imaginary drawer! But if we put real stuff in the imaginary drawer, that might cause a total protonic reversal. Or something.

Let’s see if anyone else has any ideas about what we can keep in magical dressers.

Dresser


Looking for a decent dresser if anyone wants to get rid of one…could use one for my son and my clothes. Please email. Thank you.

This person could use four drawers for her clothes, and the extra magical fifth drawer to keep her son in. It’s like something straight out a Seinfeld episode. It’s perfect!

Thanks to Christine and Eric for the posts!

36 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 September 6
    drbtx1 permalink

    Clearly the space between the side of the dresser and the wall is the 5th drawer.

    Adores: 18
  2. 2009 September 6
    JcT permalink

    See that little arch at the bottom? That is the fifth drawer. It is where Dad kept his “special” reading material. I’m shocked you didn’t see it.

    While I’m there picking up the 5-drawer dresser, can I go through that huge pile of jeans crammed between it and the wall to see if any of them fit me? What, were they thinking they were “out of sight” and no one could see them?

    Adores: 9
  3. 2009 September 6
    Cled permalink

    A drawer to keep her son in following right on the heels of friend Billy is pushing the creep quotient way up.

    Couldn’t we have some French Prudential or a sperm pyramid scheme or something for light relief? Maybe a sex addict/control freak/wilderness camper/survivalist looking for baby making machines?

    You know, the lighter side. 😉

    Adores: 11
  4. 2009 September 6
    KatieMB permalink

    That dresser is not worth $30, 5th drawer or no 5th drawer. Believe me, I know. Billy taught me all about dressers when he tucked me in last night.

    Adores: 16
    • 2009 September 6

      Katie MB,
      I am so jealous that Billy’s stalking you now! But I have to know, although it might break my heart, which drawer did he tuck you into? He swore (from the bushes outside my house) that I would be the only one he would tuck into the invisible drawer.

      Adores: 3
    • 2009 September 7
      jackie31337 permalink

      Billy is a bookcase. What does he know about dressers?

      Adores: 9
  5. 2009 September 6
    Windrose permalink

    Imaginary Drawers are for guys who don’t want to admit they go commando. Or that’s what I’ve been told. By Billy, of course.

    Adores: 8
  6. 2009 September 6
    My Evil Twin permalink

    The dresser was storing 2 1/2 pairs of drawers (which are now packed beside it to show the astute CL observer). 2 1/2 pairs of drawers = 5 drawer, right?

    OK, so maybe that was a bit of a stretch.

    Anyway, I notice the the left side (which is actually the right side) appears to be taller than the right side (which is actually the left side). Maybe it’s an Escher dresser, and the 5th one is actually an inverse optical illusion (i.e., you can’t see it, but it’s really there), or possibly one of the drawers is a babushka drawer?

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 September 7
      jackie31337 permalink

      My best guess is that the top drawer has a divider in it, and is effectively two drawers in one. Still weird to call it a 5-drawer dresser though.

      Adores: 1
  7. 2009 September 6

    Sadly, I am just relieved they’re not advertising/looking for “draws.”

    Adores: 2
  8. 2009 September 6
    Mrphysic permalink

    I thought I would be suitable for the 2nd ad but in truth I’m probably more of a snappy dresser than a decent dresser.

    Oh – and I think we have to give credit that the first ad manages to spell drawer correctly – unlike some of the other laughable examples we’ve seen in previous posts (cue link?)

    Adores: 4
  9. 2009 September 6
    Brian permalink

    Wouldn’t it fit perfectly if the son’s name is Chester? Then you could put him in a drawer and it truly would be a “chester drawers” 🙂

    Adores: 10
  10. 2009 September 6
    frozen_midwest permalink

    And here I thought the 2nd was for a straight trade – I give her my dresser and in return I get her son and her clothes

    Adores: 7
  11. 2009 September 6

    Oh, gross, that dresser just flashed me! It’s not wearing any drawers!
    Also, it seems to have a tail.

    Adores: 1
  12. 2009 September 6
    Lola permalink

    Erm, the fifth drawer is a pair of underpants left inside of one of the other, wooden drawers, perhaps?
    … Even if in the pant-related case, the drawers are plural even if it is a single pair? (I never thought about how confusing that was before.)

    Adores: 0
  13. 2009 September 6
    TigerShark permalink

    I heart YSaC.
    Whenever, I read the comments, I think nice it’d be to have a coffee shop where the YSaC fans could gather to pick on the losers of CL. It could be filled it “French Prudential” and “preventional” furniture, a lovely badger attacked table, and walling hanging of “lions.” Even a “surf practice area” could be created. All while we wait for FemaleTraits2 (if she’s not a spambot) to show up and wow us with her dance skills. AND we would be safe as long as we have our life sized Spider Man and giant inflatable banana to protect us.

    Adores: 15
  14. 2009 September 6
    Cazio permalink

    Are you guys telling me that no-one else uses their square-root of negative one-st drawer?

    Adores: 5
  15. 2009 September 7
    corn flakes permalink

    If i understand my dimensions correctly (and i’m sure i don’t) than the 5th drawer is a gateway to time travel.
    So now the question is if you can kill Hitler as a baby, would you?

    *sources- H.G. Wells & Jesus

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 September 7
      My Evil Twin permalink

      Well, babies can be very unscrupulous; but I don’t think I would have the upper-body strength required to kill Hitler if I’m just a baby.

      So you’re saying this is TARDIS furniture?

      *sources- Doctor Who & insanity

      Adores: 10
  16. 2009 September 8
    Legion, for we are many permalink

    AWESOME Ghostbusters reference in the title, Egon….

    Adores: 1
  17. 2009 September 9
    Unpossible permalink

    2 + 2 = 5 according to George Orwell. Obviously these people have been properly retrained.

    Adores: 3
  18. 2009 September 24
    emily permalink

    i have a dresser from IKEA that looks like it has three drawers, but there is a hidden drawer inside the top drawer for like jewelry, etc… maybe this is the case?

    Adores: 0
  19. 2012 March 25

    Instructions included.

    Step One: Open drawer.
    Step Two: Insert son.
    Step Three: Close drawer.
    Step Four: Celebrate job well done.
    Step Five: …Profit!

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 25
      valarie permalink

      Just watch out those pesky underwear gnomes don’t come in the middle of the night.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 March 25
        Windrose permalink

        val, ew?

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 25
          valarie permalink

          Oh sure. The one time I mean something entirely innocent with no double entendre. Except for the South Park episode. Sigh.

          corner is lonesome

          Adores: 2
  20. 2012 March 25
    valarie permalink

    My only question is why does the dresser seem to require a source of power? I checked my dresser just now and it is cord-free. What is the Energystar rating?

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 25

      The power is needed to keep the wormhole around the fifth drawer from imploding.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 25

        That, and to make sure the beer in the 3rd drawer stays cold.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 25
          valarie permalink

          Yes! A dresser with a cooler. I’d almost never have to leave the bedroom.

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 November 17

        no, that’s for the flux capacitor.

        Adores: 0
  21. 2012 March 25

    Dee is in the box today. Which actually is the 5th drawer on the Dresser of Infinity. Good luck there, dude!

    Adores: 3
  22. 2012 March 25
    D / DM permalink

    Why is it so dark in here? Where are my eerily luminescent Mason jars?

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 25
      valarie permalink

      Cap’n did some remodeling. He may have moved them.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 25

      Luminescent Mason Jars for album name of the day!

      Adores: 0
  23. 2012 March 26
    Windrose permalink

    D/DM, here’s your fresh, just out of the box Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Chester!

    Adores: 0

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