YSaC, Vol. 422: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka….
Fuji Apple
“I have a craving for a Fuji apple. Unfortunately, I only have this banana. No picture, since my office doesn’t allow photography onsite.
Am willing to trade my banana for a Fuji apple.
Local only, I’m in #### near #### & ####.
Good until 6PM today (Friday, August 28, 2009), or until I eat the banana in desperation. Whichever occurs first.
Harrison sends this, saying: “No pics, but you do have to wonder what kind of priorities this person has – apparently it’s easier to make a craigslist ad instead of buying said apple. Oh well. A little potassium never hurt anybody.”
I beg to differ. For those who are unaware, potassium is the single largest source of radioactivity in the human body. In fact potassium decays by emitting (11% of the time, anyway) DEADLY ANTIMATTER! A typical person actually emits something like 500 particles of antimatter EVERY SECOND due to the potassium in their body.
Now clearly, this poster is part of some sort of conspiracy to INCREASE that amount of potassium in your body. Never mind the Large Hadron Collider, THIS could be the end of the world!
Or else he’s Ms. Pac Man.
Oh wait, that doesn’t make sense… bananas are worth 5,000 points, and apples are only worth 1,000. (see chart)
OK, so it must be the antimatter thing.
****
Addendum: Now look, it’s our job to make YOU folks spit coffee, not the other way around. Having already written this post, I just about cried when I opened an email from Sarah to find:
freeze pops for trade
I have 19 bannana and 13 peach flavored freeze pops. These are the good ones a foot long and 1″ wide (excellent flavors, not watered down). Nobody in the house likes those two flavors so they are piling up. These make a good base for slush type alcohol drinks.
Willing to trade for orange, grape, blue rasberry, cherry, or lime. Frozen preferred but will consider unfrozen depending on flavor.
The kicker is Sarah’s comments:
“Hi, I’ll give you some orange freeze pops for your banana pops. They’re the good ones, right? I don’t want any of those crappy 3/4″ wide ones.”
“Oh no, they’re 1″ wide. Orange, eh? Are they frozen?”
“No.”
“Sorry, if they’re unfrozen I don’t want them. I am very picky about my unfrozen freeze pops.”
“Umm…okay, I suppose I can freeze them tonight. Are your freeze pops frozen?”
“No, I have them arranged neatly in my kitchen drawer. It also seems as if they glow in the dark. There is a slight possibility they are radioactive.”
“Hmm, that sounds fine, but I don’t know if it’s worth the drive to pick them up.”
“That’s okay, I’ll deliver them!”
It’s a CONSPIRACY of radioactive bananas I tell you!
I was unaware that freezer pops were such a valuable trading commodity. Perhaps they withstand inflation better than heat.
“The Radioactive Bananas” – Now THAT’S an AWESOME name for a band!
I’m kind of getting a kick out of knowing I release antimatter. I’m sitting at work grinning like the supervillan I feel like.
“Don’t test me, puny humans, else I shall eat these….BANANAS!!!!”
::::dum dum DUMMMMMMMMM::::
The fact that the second poster prefers the pops FROZEN cracks me up. How desperate must s/he be for an orange, grape, blue raspberry, cherry, or lime flavoured freeze-pop that s/he can’t wait two or three hours for them to freeze? Maybe s/he should also have placed strict geographical limits on potential traders (such as “you must live within two blocks of my house”). I mean, clearly time is of the essence here.
Clearly, this person doesn’t have one of those family-friendly refrigerators in which things get cold in 10-15 minutes.
Maybe her family friendly refrigerator with only the top and bottom has quite an irritable freezer in the middle which doesn’t get things cold as quickly.
“No picture, since my office doesn’t allow photography onsite. ”
Now I have this image in my head of him setting up a little photo studio at work, complete with backdrops and lighting, all set to take professional, artistic portraits of his banana. And then his boss coming along, angry (and presumably shocked and confused), and telling him firmly that he will have to take his fruit photography fetish elsewhere.
Because otherwise, how hard is it to briefly aim your cell phone at the banana on your desk and snap a discreet pic?
Unless he works in a secret spy lab, then it’s totally understandable.
It has been my experience that most guys have taken a discreet cell phone pic of their bananas at some point. 😀
I know someone who used their phone to take video of themselves devouring a man’s banana. Classy.
No one could possibly want a banana so badly that they would schlep out to someone else’s workplace and exchange it for their Fuji apple. It’s less time consuming to go to the store and buy a banana. That’s what makes the CL posting so odd. Who would put in so much effort to get a banana? Why does this guy think that someone will want his banana that much? This isn’t a pre-industrial society where bananas are a rare and exotic comodity. Puzzling.
The freezer pops, however, have clearly been posted by drunk college students who are too wussy to drink their liquor straight. They need to mix more drinks, and they need to mix them now in order to keep their buzz on. That’s why they want their pops already frozen.
(Wink,wink, nudge, nudge) Want a banana, little girl? hur hur hur. Once you go yellow, you’ll always want mellow. hur hur hur.
It was a social experiment _and_ I really wanted a Fuji apple.
< claven >
It’s a little-known fact that the Large Hadron Collider is actually powered by bananas.
< /claven >
There’s such a thing as a Non-Disclosure Agreement and a workplace that requires no video or audio recording equipment (except that issued by said workplace) on the premises.
Banana freeze pops? Gimmeh. You can have allll the blue and red ones.
*wonders why they don’t sell banana freeze pops here, and cries a little*
50 cool nerd points for the Ms Pac reference!
I love the “excellent flavors, not watered down.” Oh, I hadn’t realized I was dealing with a freeze pop connoisseur!
I imagine one can hear a host of angels sing when they slide the banana freeze pop drawer open.
While they do make good bases for alcoholic drinks, I think I’ll go pay the buck-fifty for the hundred pack so I can have all sorts of flavors of adult type beverages. Stop trying to pawn off the least favorite flavors. It’s like when people handed out Jolly Ranchers, and by the time you got the bag they were all friggin’ peach.
WHY did you edit the phone numbers?! WHYYYY?!!!! There needs to be an underground/black market trade of fruit for better fruit and FreezPops for Otter Pops. much better than those honda parts trade sites.
I didn’t even know they made those flavors. Freezer pops sure have changed since I was little…
Well, you know, they aren’t actually those flavours, so it’s anybody’s guess what they’re supposed to be; like the Ridiculously Sweet Purple-Coloured Freezer Pop That Everyone Calls Grape Because They Can’t Think Of What Other Edible Thing Is Purple “flavour”, or the Ridiculously Sweet Yellow-Green-Coloured Freezer Pop That Everyone Calls Lime Despite the Fact That Limes Aren’t Sweet Because “Radioactive Waste” Just Somehow Doesn’t Sound Quite As Appetizing “flavour” (then again, I could be remembering incorrectly, and these were supposed to be kiwi or something).
Given a blind taste test, would anyone actually be able to tell the difference between the flavours, much less what flavour they are supposed to represent?
But then, I’m one of those strange people that actually likes their lemonade sour (otherwise, why make them out of lemons? It’s not as though there aren’t plenty of sweet juices out there)…
True. The only one I think I could identify are the pink ones because they have a very distinct taste.
I also heart sour lemonade, with a little bit of pulp. Newman’s Own has it down pretty well.
What [imagined] flavour is pink supposed to be? Pig flavour?
I think I’ve tried Newman’s Own before, but I can’t recall what I thought about it.
Fortunately for me, I currently live at a place with a Meyer lemon tree, so I can make my own (sans sugar, of course; just water and lemon juice (though on occasion I will use Granny Smith apples instead of water – very good stuff).
)
I believe pink is strawberry. But I could be wrong. It could be watermelon. I may need to purchase a pack to sate my curiosity.
Pink is watermelon for sure. That is my husband’s favourite one.
poor rejected banana!
It needs to start a support group with the inflatable banana.
I ended up eating the banana.
Time to group this with the inflatable banana for a special banana tag? J/K!
i wasn’t aware you COULD water down a freeze pop.
They water them down on the black market. That’s how you know you’re dealing with a legitimate freeze-pop connoisseur; there’s none of that funny watering-down business.
Are you willing to take some money for these popsicles? Oh, you’re not? You only want to barter for more appealing popsicle flavors? Oh, I see. Have a good day then.
” one foot long and one inch wide”
I’m currently split between shouting “That’s what she said” and “Wow, I’d love to shove that down my/my lover’s/somebody’s throat.”
Oh and woot! I achieved minor fame on the internet! I was totally not picturing that Pac-Man connection. haha
I like how banana-trader person specifies “Local only.” Don’t they know most fruit is imported?
Besides, if s/he wants it right away, how far does he think people are going to go for this trade? “Fanshawe, dear boy, fire up the Gulfstream V so I can pick a Fuji apple from Mt. Fuji and then trade it for this cubicle schlub’s unseen banana.”
I rather think not.
Yes, I know fruit is imported, but at the time I wanted a Fuji apple and all I had was a banana, and by local, I meant the implication of someone local to me because I did not have vehicle transportation. I used to work in downtown SF, and only took public transit to work since I didn’t want to pay bridge toll or daily parking fees, let alone battle the traffic.
There was a Safeway down the street, and when I posted this ad, I was newly employed and did not have the money necessary to buy an apple. I had just enough to get me to work via BART weekly ($45) and nothing else until I was paid. I also really wanted the apple.
Also, “Fanshawe” isn’t a Japanese name.
Ok, at first I was just gonna post that these two ads cracked me up and the Pac-Man reference really had me in tears, but then you all had to go comment and I’m crying sitting here at my desk and hoping my co-workers don’t think my great aunt died.
And then I thought “Hey! I’ve got a bunch of the other flavor freeze pops from my kid’s birthday!” If you hadn’t deleted the number, I’d’ve called up and done a swap! Damn.
Who else thinks the Fuji Apple guy is not in any way advertising fruit?
I see. Just me, then.
Ahem.
I’ll leave quietly.
Fuji is not a brand, it’s a type.
I had exactly one reply for my apple, and it was man asking who I was and how bored I was. Well, I ended up forgetting about the banana and leaving it on my desk over the weekend. When I returned, it had ripened. I updated the ad, but still had no takers to my social experiment.
I present to you proof of my craziness, as taken from my Twitter updates:
http://twitter.com/eccentriclee/statuses/3588394269
http://twitter.com/eccentriclee/statuses/3589575205
I’m just a little insane, and Safeway was just a bit too far that hot week.
That’s okay, we don’t require proof of insanity. That would be like a condemned prisoner asking to see the warden’s security clearance.
Except, the crazy condemned prisoners do ask for the Warden’s security clearance. I would.
Oh.My.Llamanun. (BBUH)
The best part is XN3City/Puddlecub claiming responsibility for the ad.
Oooo, ooo… I get to sing the song I just taught my son!
I like to eat, eat, eat – apples and bananas
I like to eat, eat, eat – apples and bananas
I like to ate, ate, ate – aaples and ba nay nays
I like to ate, ate, ate – aaples and ba nay nays
I like to eat, eat, eat – eeples and ba nee nees
I like to eat, eat, eat – eeples and ba nee nees
I like to ite, ite, ite – eyeples and ba nye nyes
I like to ite, ite, ite – eyeples and ba nye nyes *
*finish if you dare
Oddly, I always want to smack people who sing that song and tell them to sing something less inane, like John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, his name is my name too…
And whenever we go out, the people always shout, “There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, lalalalalalalala”
REPEAT!
This sounds suspiciously like a collection of the worse pick up lines ever.
“Hey, baby – wanna swap freezer pops?”
“Damn you’ve got a fine apple! You wanna see my banana?”
I have a hand of bananas on a stand over my microwave. Do you think it’s safe?
Omnomnomnomnom, Oh were you saving those?
Uh oh…. Radioactive puppy!
You say that like it is a new or unique thing . . . <g>
Didn’t Gallagher make a
HardonHadron collider for fruit?Shopping time and after work is done
Daylight come and me wan’ some fruit
Stack banana by de metric ton
Daylight come and me wan’ some fruit
Come mista apple man, trade me my banana
Daylight come and me wan’ some fruit
Ate too many, now banana I don’t wanna
Daylight come and me wan’ some fruit
Harry bela Smiley?
Harry Peelafonte?
XN3City/Puddlecub desperately needed a humor transplant or [corey] tags for stuff like”Fuji is not a brand, it’s a type,” as those comments were factual but not actually relevant to the comment he was replying to.
So nyah!
(Imagine me sticking my tongue out here.)
I have a sense of humor. It’s just very selective. So nyah! 😛
Hooray, you showed up! And you made a funny! 8)
Moira, I dropped him an email from his web comic site, telling him we were here again and picking on him. Wonder if he will come to make unfunny comments again?
Isn’t he a regular/ lurker?
Not that I am aware of. 8)
I don’t lurk. I RSS. It’s lazier lurking.
I thought he was a good sport about it. He’s the only person who’s actually realized that their ad was being used on the site, and he didn’t even demand that we remove it!
colorful freeze-pops
bricks of icy fruit goodness
summer is happy
Haiku!
(Oh, excuse me, it’s been raining for three days, and all sorts of things are blooming spores into the air–here, I’ve a tissue, now.)
Ugh, I hate when it’s rainy for days straight. I’ll send you some sunshine, if you’ll send a little bit of warmth back in exchange.
Glowing freeze pops to go along with my fluorescent yeast!
Sounds like the beginnings of an excellent nefarious plan.
Fluorescing Vegemite pops. Official snack of Australian raves.
Fluorescing Vegemite Pops is the name of my Oingo Boingo/Men At Work/Freezepop cover band.
Remember, kids. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Man, it’s so quiet in here on the weekends.
::is bored::
I suppose I could go to work and get something useful done….
Nah.. it’s the weekend!
Not that I need any support to be completely lazy, but it’s good to know I’ve got you guys backing me up. I’ve been watching football and reading Not Always Right all day. I cleared the dishdrain, that’s the extent of useful stuff fort the day.
Same here, I did laundry, shoveled out the big aviary, watered the birds, and went shopping, just lazy lazy lazy. 8)
I didn’t even make it out of the house yesterday…
Okay, Sarajean, I am calling it a night. Here’s a Punchity Punch Punch from the future!
Mindfield, it is a great honor to give you this Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, ####!