YSaC, Vol. 430: Shave the whales! (…and the cats.)

2009 September 20

Is this wrong


I mean legally I dont give two shits about morals.My ex-old lady took off and left her cat.She is lucky I am a good guy and Im still feeding the shit bag.Anyways I cant get rid of this thing to save my life would it be wrong to shave the bastard call it a sphinx so I can pawn it off on some sucker?(for free of course) Im not a thief.I just figure by time it grows its hair back they might like it.

Let’s see, what were those seven deadly sins? Happy, Dopey, Sleepy, Grouchy… wait, no, that wasn’t it.

A quick check of the web reveals that they are Lust, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Sloth, Anger, and Greed. I don’t see cat-shaving on the list anywhere, so I suspect it is probably only a venial sin.

However, it would seem to come under the heading of Fraud, which, while not one of the classical seven, would still confine you to the Eighth circle of Dante’s hell. Within that circle, there are 10 different bolgias. Again, while Dante does not specifically mention cat-shaving, I suspect that would put you in bolgia number 10, reserved for falsifiers (such as alchemists, counterfeiters, and people who write astrology columns). So you will have to march in a circle for all eternity while afflicted with a painful disease.

That’s not too high a price to pay to get rid of the little “shitbag”, now, is it?

Thanks Tara!

55 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 September 20
    Jami (no "e") permalink

    I’d like to see what he looks like after trying to shave the cat. Last time I tried to simply brush a cat I got the shit scratched out of my arms and face.

    Also, has he not considered posting an ad about the cat to give it away? Sure he’d have to drop the “shit bag” and “bastard” descriptions of the cat, but unless the cat is the devil incarnate I don’t think it’d be much of a problem.

    Adores: 9
    • 2009 September 20

      Free to whatever kind of home you got: Cat (shitbag breed), eats whatever I have laying around, has abandonment issues. With minor grooming, could look like one of the Seven Wonders. Possible pedigree problems.
      Who knows? You may like the stupid thing and keep it.

      Adores: 25
  2. 2009 September 20

    As long as he gives teh cat away for free, which he plans to, how would he be a theif? And what kind of shave turns a cat into a sphinx? You can shave wings and human face onto a cat…can you? [Gets cats, mousse, slippers, and lots of glue…]

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 September 20
      dan permalink

      I looked this up. There actually IS a breed of hairless cat called the Sphinx, so that part of the post does at least have some sort of internal consistency. This does not make the poster any less of a jerk, however.

      Adores: 8
      • 2009 September 20
        Count Blah permalink

        ‘Course a sphinx cat has a very distinctive body shape and skin texture, so a regular cat with its fur shaved off wouldn’t resemble one. Plus the reg’lar shaved cat would suck at telling riddles.

        Adores: 48
  3. 2009 September 20
    JAMen permalink

    I know the satisfaction of inflicting humiliation on the animal of someone who does not care about it or the douchebag posting this would be lost, and that is sad, but he could consider driving the shitbag to the animal shelter. What is lost is that personal, vindictive touch, but it is a time saver.

    Adores: 2
  4. 2009 September 20

    I think we can all agree that this guy deserves to shave a whole entire cat as punishment. But let us remember to set aside a portion of blistering rage for the girlfriend, who abandoned her cat in the first place.

    Adores: 31
  5. 2009 September 20
    neverfirst permalink

    Wow! He IS a good guy – why did his old lady leave? I mean, he doesn’t give two shits about morals and apparently thinks shaving a cat would be a simpler solution than dropping it off at a shelter. This one’s a keeper (I mean the guy, not the cat).

    Adores: 16
  6. 2009 September 20
    DanTM permalink

    Phrases that make as much sense as “legally, I don’t give two shits about morals”:

    “Astronomically speaking, I don’t give two shits about horoscopes.”

    “As far as fashion is concerned, I don’t give two shits about baking.”

    “Speaking of football, I don’t give two shits about the Yankees.”

    “As they say in French, Ich gebe nicht zwei Scheissen uber deine Katze.”

    “Gastroenterologically speaking, I don’t give two shits.”

    Okay, that last one maybe sort of made sense.

    Adores: 77
    • 2009 September 20
      Raoul permalink

      Yes, why give two shits when one largish one will do?

      Actually, the phrase has been simplified from, “I wouldn’t give a bucket of pig shit for that,” with the number and source of defecation, of course, changing according to locale, need, and possibly preference. In this case, I suppose the fecal matter in question would be cat shit, although accumulating a bucketful might take some time, unless the bucket is very small, or the cat has a prodigious output.

      Then again, laughing boy does refer to said cat as a ‘shit bag,’ so the latter may well be the case.

      It’s all starting to come together!

      Adores: 6
  7. 2009 September 20
    JcT permalink

    I look at my cat (see avatar) and contemplate shaving it. I consider that sometimes I sleep on my back. While sleeping that way, my neck is wide open; in fact an animal with good night vision could probably see my jugular vein pulsing. One cat claw (those things are very sharp) and one ‘snik’ and my carpet changes from light-blue to deep-red in my bedroom.

    There will be no cat-shaving in this house.

    This person has mental problems beyond cat-shaving. I am sure the “ex-old-lady” probably left a lot of stuff behind when she got out of there.

    Adores: 31
  8. 2009 September 20
    Windrose permalink

    I tried to Google some helpful information for this guy on shaving, uhm, cats, but the results have me quite confused. Could it be in code? I think I better go bleach my eyeballs now.

    Adores: 14
  9. 2009 September 20
    Sarah permalink

    You can’t shave their little faces, anyway. No one’s going to think a cat with a lion cut is a Sphynx.

    Also, my cat’s name is Dante, and I think he would reserve a special ring of hell for cat-shavers. And probably people like me, who attempt to brush their long-haired cats…

    Adores: 8
    • 2009 September 20
      Count Blah permalink

      “You can’t shave their little faces, anyway.”

      Don’t tell the OP that; he’ll wind up tossing the cat into a bucket of Nair instead. It’d be faster, easier, and more thorough.

      WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS? 🙁

      Adores: 9
    • 2009 September 20
      Anonynmious permalink

      Maybe my cats are weird, but they both love being brushed.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 September 21

        My kitty loved to be brushed. You just have to start them at a young age and have a good brush.

        Adores: 0
      • 2012 December 2

        My cat loves being brushed. He loves being brushed on the parts where his fur doesn’t mat. He has an unerring instinct for being difficult.

        Adores: 1
  10. 2009 September 20
    My Evil Twin permalink

    “[…] I dont give two shits about morals.”
    “She is lucky I am a good guy […]”

    Well, if nothing else he wins Contradictory Statement of the Year.

    And the fact that he has to ask “is this wrong” in itself nullifies the latter statement.

    “My ex-old lady took off and left her cat.”

    My guess is she was either very desperate to get away from this obviously outstanding individual (in the same sense that a debt can be outstanding) or “took off” is a euphemism for him killing her and dumping her body somewhere — or both.

    “and Im still feeding the shit bag.”

    Well, you have to eat, don’t you?

    “I just figure by time it grows its hair back they might like it.”

    Does this make sense to anyone else?

    Hey, I’ve got a new way to get women interested in me: Shave my head, and they might like me by the time my hair grows back.

    Adores: 16
    • 2009 September 20
      Count Blah permalink

      If you shaved your head, would you look like an entirely different, exotic, sought-after breed of human? Because that’s the only way the shaving thing would work.

      Adores: 14
      • 2009 September 20
        My Evil Twin permalink

        I might.

        Anyway, “by the time the hair grows back they might like it” implies that it is the time interval that is creating/enabling the affection, not that they like it in the first place and would still like it even after the hair grew back.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 September 20
          Count Blah permalink

          Well, yeah. The OP thinks that he can get some shallow person to adopt a cat solely on the basis of its exotic breed; eventually the cat’s hair will grow back, revealing the fraud that has taken place, but by that point the new owner will hopefully have fallen in love with the cat’s personality.

          There are a lot of weird and stupid things about this Craigslist post, but this specific sentiment (screwed up as the whole theoretical-cat-shaving context is) doesn’t especially confuse me.

          Lots of people decide they want a really cool-looking pet and target a certain breed without researching its typical personality traits first. Some of these people end up giving their pet away because of incompatibility issues they hadn’t known about; I’m assuming others grow to like their pet’s foibles.

          Adores: 3
    • 2009 September 22
      Igor The Vigorous permalink

      My Evil Twin, you’ve won at logic. Congratulations, here’s your prize- a bag full of depression! Just don’t look at the world, Craigslist, or the idiots in both and it won’t activate itself…

      Adores: 2
  11. 2009 September 20

    Ugh, I harbor a burning hatred for the woman for leaving her poor kitteh with this guy and this obvious winner.

    Adores: 10
  12. 2009 September 20
    Kelly permalink

    Has anyone thought that perhaps this guy is trying to be funny? I don’t mean to suggest that animal abuse is in any way amusing, I’m just thinking the guy is trying to write an ad that will generate enough interest to get his cat adopted. I don’t get the impression that he’s actually going to shave the cat, just that he’s trying to write something he thinks is funny in the hopes that it will make someone want to take the cat off his hands.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 September 20
      pixie721 permalink

      I hope you’re right Kelly, because this post makes me sick to my stomach. I’d adopt the cat if I could just to make sure that he doesn’t hurt it or take it to a high kill shelter. Or, to save the cat from being returned to the cunt who abandoned it.

      Adores: 5
      • 2009 September 20
        Mrphysic permalink

        IS THIS WRONG?

        I mean legally. I post fictitious moral connundrums on Craigslist purely to get a rise out of animal lovers and crazy old cat ladies. The ads also get me special mention on YSaC so surely the benefits far outweigh the costs?

        Adores: 7
    • 2009 September 21
      Ladycrim permalink

      Maybe he could put a wedding dress on the cat …

      (http://www.snopes.com/love/revenge/weddress.asp)

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 September 23

      I think it’s some kind of reverse psychology: if people think he’s going to be mean to the cat, they’re more likely to show up on his doorstep wanting to adopt it. Same with the lady who wanted a $250 adoption fee for her 14 year old cat because she was “tired of it”.

      At least that’s what I tell myself. 🙁

      Adores: 0
  13. 2009 September 20
    bonni permalink

    Looking ahead to the future . . what will we see next from this guy?

    “free fpsinx to a good home
    already shaved so you dont have todo it, its a real nice shit bag who has ben taken good care of over the years.
    need to get rid of it before my upcomming surgery ( wrist and partial hand reconstrucion.”

    and he will still be just as much of an idiot.

    Adores: 27
  14. 2009 September 20
    Elizabeth permalink

    This is sad (for the cat, not the person who posted the ad).

    Adores: 0
  15. 2009 September 20
    ??? permalink

    Is this wrong

    Where was this posted? I didn’t realize there was a “moral dilemma” page on CL. I do like the missing question mark- it implies a complete lack of interest in the answer.

    Adores: 6
  16. 2009 September 20
    Mrphysic permalink

    Oh come on people – it’s all there in the Bible:
    “…that whoever will create and sell their own dry-wipe pet shall not perish but have everlasting life….”.
    QED NOT A SIN – Case closed – next!

    Adores: 9
  17. 2009 September 21
    Alex permalink

    But he’s a good guy — says so right here on the tin!

    Adores: 2
  18. 2009 September 21
    RequiredName permalink

    Save yourself some time (and cat-inflicted injuries)! Tell this “sucker” that it is a very rare breed of sphinx … a hairy sphinx! Ooooh!

    Adores: 2
  19. 2009 September 21
    Colleen in MA permalink

    I love learning on YSAC!

    Adores: 0
  20. 2009 September 21
    sarajean80 permalink

    Why would the idiot feel the need to shave the cat, if he is just going to give it away for free? He could save himself a lot of pain and transfusions and just offer it as-is.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 September 21
      Count Blah permalink

      I’m pretty sure “I cant get rid of this thing to save my life” means he already tried that.

      Adores: 0
  21. 2009 September 21
    Lola permalink

    In a just world, this scenario wouldn’t happen.
    In a sometimes-just world, this d.bag would try to shave the cat, the cat would swipe with a needle-sharp claw (example: like my cat has) and have lucky aim; the db would bleed out and, a couple of days later when the police or morgue come calling after the neighbors complain about the smell and the cat has eaten its fill (yes, they will do this), one of the EMS people brings the cat home to their family.
    I know, I know, but I can dream …

    Much as I do wonder about a woman who would go off and leave a pet, I have had a relative and a friend who were both in relationships of the type that declined into a situation where they knew they had to get out or die trying, and ended up leaving pets in order to save themselves.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 September 21
      JcT permalink

      Nice answer Lola. I prefer to believe that the “ex-old-lady” hit the door running and regrets leaving the cat to this day.

      I have a buddy in TN who is now a fire chief, but started out as an EMT, and he would tell me EMT stories until I made him stop. One vivid story was was about a place where the cat had “eaten its fill” as you so delicately put it. Even some of the fire fighters were heaving over it, but of course, the EMTs were cracking jokes like, “Hmmm, tastes like chicken!” Urrgh!

      Adores: 2
  22. 2009 September 26

    Sphynx cats are a breed to themselves, not just a “hairless cat”. That means they have a special look as well as having no hair.

    I got the feeling he was hoping his ex would see the post and rush back to grab her cat, rather than any serious attempt at cat shaving. If this guy IS serious, then I despair for the human race…or at least the American male version of human 🙂

    Adores: 0
  23. 2009 October 6

    “the Cat song” by the Keefe’s teaches us that ‘there are no cats mentioned in the Bible’.

    http://www.themadmusicarchive.com/samples/j/o/Joe_and_Sharon_Keefe_-_The_Cat_Song.m3u

    Therefore the cat IS of the Devil – and this fellow is doing us all a favor!

    Adores: 0
  24. 2010 October 3

    No I don’t think shaving a hairy cat will pass for a Sphynx cat! And i’m not sure but it will probably look horrible!
    Sphynx Cat Community

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 3
      Addicted Reader permalink

      You must be new here….

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 3

        … and I doubt we’ll ever see them again, unless we invoke the sphynx again.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 3
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I was bored, commenting on old posts for no good reason seemed like fun…

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 December 2

          Isn’t Invoke the Sphynx Again IF’s seventies art-rock cover band?

          Adores: 2
  25. 2012 December 2
    limelolly permalink

    I once shaved my legs. It was a horrible experience. The screaming… the blood… the never ending nightmares of sharp implements.

    If the cat shaves this guy, will he look like a mummy?

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 December 2
      Tankerbell permalink

      LL has hit my thought on the head. I am thinking the cat should shave this guy and advertise him on CL as, say, the reincarnation o f Yul Brynner or Telly Savalas. When kitty gets rid of the morals-impaired d.bag, ex-girlfriend can move back in and they can sell all d.bag’s stuff on CL. Everybody wins!

      Adores: 1
  26. 2012 December 2
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Anyways I cant get rid of this thing to save my life

    Well, it’s been two years now. Do you think this guy is dead yet?

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 December 2

      Or has the cat gone on to happier hunting grounds? We better call a psychic!

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 December 2

        I still have my ten free minutes for the Psychic Passing Acquaintances’ Hotline.

        Adores: 1
      • 2012 December 2

        :puts on spangled turban:

        I am in the now, which is Sparky’s future.

        It’s kind of fuzzy, but … Yes, I see him talking to a cashier at the drugstore! He’s asking her which depilatory works best on cats. There are flashing lights somewhere… She called the cops and he’s being arrested! The cat is safe; I repeat, the cat is safe!

        It looks odd with half its fur missing, though; like a tiny Harvey Dent.

        Adores: 3
  27. 2012 December 2
    Tankerbell permalink

    Quiet and peace is what I thought I would find
    When I got finished shaving the cat
    Well now here I lay, just a cold bleeding corpse
    And kitty is happy and fat

    I bought these new shears, cut my nails
    laid down a tarp just right
    I thought this new plan was a sure bet
    For kitty tonight
    Well it’s perfectly clear, between the mayhem and blood
    It won’t result in quiet bliss
    As I head for the light I turn around to be sure
    Did I shave my cat for this?

    Now when we first met I thought that I’d get
    Some nookie if I took the cat
    Well the lady took off and the kitty’s still here
    And my begging on Craigslist fell flat

    I bought these new shears, cut my nails
    laid down a tarp just right
    I thought this new plan was a sure bet
    For kitty tonight
    Well it’s perfectly clear, between the mayhem and blood
    It won’t result in quiet bliss
    Maybe Craigslist fake Sphinx was not the route to success
    Darlin’, Did I shave my cat for this?

    Adores: 3
  28. 2012 December 2

    Wow, that visit to the box was like being on a Slip’N Slide. Thanks for the ride, Mama Windy!

    Adores: 1
  29. 2012 December 3

    Digi and DAFT, at least you can go to the office or wherever you spend your Mondays and brag that you were chosen for the box on Sunday! Imagine the odd looks that will get you! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Lonely Cats Club!

    Adores: 0

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