YSaC, Vol 470: Some type of snark

2009 October 30

A few fun spambots for today:

Country Girl Stuck in Town


Hello my name is natasha and I live in san diego. Im 19 going on 20 April 1st and I’m about to start going to some type of school lol so I’m pretty excited about that.I like to hang out with friends and travel to new places one day I will go to London!!!

Lol indeed. Actually, for even better effect, imagine “Lol, indeed” said by John Houseman:

471

Need a Submissive Guy


I dislike someone that is struck on themselves. I like someone that has a great personality, someone that can be open and say what is on their mind. I am a woman that enjoys life. I have hair, and hazel eyes.I work days a week, my weekends are free. There is one thing for sure I Love Erotic Chat.

If you want a submissive guy, I can see why you wouldn’t want someone who is struck on themselves…. it’s more fun to strike them yourself.

Here’s my theory. All of these spambots are actually advertising for each other. They’re using Craigslist to try and find other spambots they can date, spend time with, maybe form a long term relationship and raise a family with. Then they can have a BREED OF DOG, live in a TYPE OF HOUSE, and drive an ERROR: CAR NOT FOUND.

I didn’t say it was a GOOD theory.

Thanks to Susannah and Izzacone for the submissions!

50 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 October 30
    Rick permalink

    “I have hair and hazel eyes” Sorry, have to turn you down, I prefer the bald women myself. Sinead O’Connor? Grrrrrowl baby.

    Adores: 10
    • 2009 October 30
      Just Me permalink

      I actually read that as “I have hair-and-hazel eyes,” which opens up a fascinating area for conjecture.

      Adores: 8
      • 2009 October 31
        lareina permalink

        And by fascinating, you of course mean horrific and nightmare-inducing, right?

        Adores: 7
  2. 2009 October 30
    tigprincess permalink

    When natasha comes to London can she drop through Canada and bring me my lottery winnings? I need to give it to this great Nigerian bank I’ve been told about.

    Adores: 9
  3. 2009 October 30
    Keelhaulrose permalink

    Aww… I’m kind of hoping it’s a spambot romance. Come on people, even cold, inanimate objects need love, too.

    Adores: 6
  4. 2009 October 30
    neverfirst permalink

    If all you need is hair to get a submissive guy, then I’ll stop bleaching my moustache and plucking my chin and sit back and wait for the guys to line up and rake my lawn. I actually mean ‘rake my lawn’ – this is far too serious and big a job for an inneundo. Lol, indeed.

    Adores: 41
  5. 2009 October 30
    Meredith permalink

    Don’t write it off just because she seems too stupid to be real. Maybe she’s just really excited to be going to “some type of school”. Could be a liberal arts college, could be a private Bible school, could be clown college. Who CARES…it’s SCHOOL!!!!

    I’ve GOT IT: Natasha just left her position as cherr coach to go to “some type of school” because she got “some type of scholarship”. THAT’S why they’re looking for a replacement.

    Oh, and “LOL, indeed” has already become my groups new catchphrase in the five minutes this has been up.

    Adores: 13
    • 2009 October 30
      queensbee permalink

      i vote for clown college!

      Adores: 4
  6. 2009 October 30
    PrincessLuceval permalink

    Hey! I have hair, too! And I work days a week, too! SQUEE! We have so much in common!

    And also? The picture of John Houseman above the title “Need a Submissive Guy” makes me picture him in some sort of bondage gear. Not pleasant. LOL indeed, indeed.

    Adores: 12
    • 2009 October 30

      I like “LOL indeed, indeed.”

      Maybe that could be the B-side on the Panty Splinters’ first hit single.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 October 30
        sarajean80 permalink

        It would pair nicely with “Rake My Lawn”

        Adores: 4
  7. 2009 October 30
    JcT permalink

    I just can’t decide which one is the better catch. The one who is going to go to some type of school lol or the one who has hair. I really like a girl who will work days a week, so that’s a big plus for her, but the other girl is going to go to London!!! some day. I think I’ll do Erotic Chat with both of them, and perhaps that will help me make up my mind. I’ll ask one what she likes to do with her hair and the other how she gets kinky in some kind of school lol.

    Adores: 18
  8. 2009 October 30
    sarajean80 permalink

    Heh,heh,heh
    This is going to be a good day.
    *rubs hands together*
    Where to start?

    Missed half a day when they covered proper nouns, didn’t you, Natasha? It’s that or you’re harboring resentment towards the city you now live in and yourself.
    “Some type of school”? I’m betting it’s a real ‘special’ place.
    You were born on the right day, because you are an (April) fool.

    “I dislike someone that is struck on themselves.” All I can think of is someone making money out of themselves, weird little meat coins. I might dislike that, too…Unless it would get me a new car.
    “I am a woman who enjoys life” Me too! Because if I did not enjoy life, I would be enjoying death, which I hear is less fun than it sounds.
    You want a submissive guy who is open and speaks his mind? Did you skip a day in dominatrix school?

    Maybe that’s the special school Natasha is enrolled in.

    *deep sigh*
    I feel so much better now.
    I hadn’t said anything sarcastic for almost an hour and it was starting to build up inside.

    Adores: 21
    • 2009 October 30
      Count Blah permalink

      Nothin’ wrong with a submissive speaking his mind. “Wait. What are you doing? What’s that pointy thing? NO OH GOD PLEASE NOOOOOOOOO” is way hotter than silence, and if it weren’t then that’s what gags are for.

      Adores: 11
      • 2009 October 30
        sarajean80 permalink

        That is also what a safe word is for.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 October 30

          Whoa, sarajean, that smacks of experience! 8) I suspect you have had your lawn raked a time or two.

          Adores: 4
        • 2009 October 31

          My safe word is owww.

          Adores: 2
      • 2009 October 30
        Lola permalink

        I was amused by that part, too. The guy can say anything – so long as he knows he’s going to get disciplined!
        “Shut up, you filthy little submissive! I do not look fat in this costume!”

        Adores: 9
    • 2009 October 30

      I was going to say something about that April Fool’s Day birthdate, too. Except that then I thought, “This is pretty boring for the setup for a prank. If she really wants to make a fool of someone, she should target her audience more specifically.”

      I am nineteen, going on twenty. I am planning to undertake an advanced degree, either in linguistics or in library science. I’m smokin’ hot in a miniskirt, and I wear my auburn hair up in a bun, usually with a couple of pencils in it. I’m prone to quote lines from old Cary Grant movies, or lyrics from Violent Femmes songs, and none of the people my age seem to understand me. Won’t you please spice up my Erotic Chat with some literary allusions?

      Now, see, that is an April Fool’s Day prank waiting to be sprung.

      Adores: 16
      • 2009 October 30
        sarajean80 permalink

        The spambots should get you to write their posts, they’d catch more creeps that way.

        Adores: 1
      • 2009 October 30
        Meredith permalink

        Isaac, how did you know? That’s an exact description of me before my last relationship….right down to the pencils and Cary Grant quotes.

        If you ever want to see how a man can wreck you, I’ve got pics.

        Adores: 6
        • 2009 October 30

          Before and after pics?

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 October 30
        Ed Snyder permalink

        I’m ready to respond to that ad, Isaac.

        Adores: 0
  9. 2009 October 30
    sfaye permalink

    I didn’t realize San Diego was considered the country…thanks for clearing that up for me natasha.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 October 30

      She lives in the sleepy little hamlet of San Diego, Kentucky. Population: INTEGER.

      Adores: 28
    • 2009 October 31
      Windrose permalink

      I sometimes think San Diego should be it’s own country. Sigh. Jar-heads and junkies and whores, oh my!

      Adores: 1
  10. 2009 October 30

    I’m very intrigued by the first girl – she knows the future! “One day I will go to London!” Hey, country girl, am I with you in London? That’ll be a real time-saver for me in terms of deciding whether or not I should contact you. Come to think of it, why do you need to post an ad if you can see the future? Plus I’m not sure if I’m okay with the idea of you already knowing if/how our relationship is going to end. No, no, this’ll never work.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 October 30
      dan permalink

      Or will it? Only she knows for sure.

      Adores: 3
  11. 2009 October 30
    Heather permalink

    Oh sure, she-spambot has hair…but does it have FemaleTraits 1 or 2? No. I’m sorry, but Chuck Woolery says that there’s just not enough of a foundation here for a love connection.

    Adores: 8
  12. 2009 October 30

    OMG we have so much in common! I have hair, too! I also work days a week! Wow! And I am a woman WHO enjoys life! But not “that enjoys life,” because i’m a person, not a robot. So i guess that part we don’t have in common. Darn. We could have been friends.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 October 31
      Heather permalink

      I am pleased to meet the acquaintance of someone who knows the difference between using “who” and “that.”

      Adores: 2
  13. 2009 October 30

    I need instruction on the purpose of automated posts (by spambots). Is it merely to waste space on the server & some hard up (no pun intended) guy’s time, looking for love? Or are they nefarious snares to wheedle $$ out of people somehow?

    jack-the-net-naive.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 October 30
      sarajean80 permalink

      They are like fishing trips; a bunch of sad, pathetic people(normally men) will respond. The spammer will collect the email addresses in a list and sell it to less-than-honest salesmen, or send the spam themselves in the hope that you will attempt to buy something or some service that will give them access to your card number.

      Adores: 0
  14. 2009 October 30
    Colleen in MA permalink

    i dunno i”. sittin’ here atrer my office halloween party after drinking most of the rum punch and somehw this website makes ense.

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 October 30
      Colleen in MA permalink

      if natasha and dominant girl and submisive guyy want to get teogether it will be a beauitfuol thing.

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 October 30
      Colleen in MA permalink

      quit yer squaiwkin.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 October 30
        PrincessLuceval permalink

        Colleen’s durnk pstnig!

        Adores: 6
      • 2009 October 30
        lost_compass permalink

        Damn. Just when I was going to have her come over and sit on me for half an hour.

        Adores: 2
      • 2009 October 31
        Windrose permalink

        checks her bird. “Wasn’t me.”

        Adores: 0
    • 2009 October 30
      sarajean80 permalink

      I’ll take a glass of whatever you’re having! I’ve got a hundred or so brain cells that I’m not using right now.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 October 30
        Lola permalink

        I’ve been cleaning all day and a glass of something inebriating sounds great. I’ll still have to scrape SOME KIND OF GELATINOUS GOO off of the fridge wall, but I’ll mind less.

        Adores: 2
    • 2009 October 30

      I want to know how long Colleen remained conscious after making these posts.

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 November 2
        Colleen in MA permalink

        Ah, I can’t keep anything from you … I went home from the party, fell asleep on the couch, and woke up in time for dinner. All in all, a great end to the work week.

        Adores: 0
  15. 2009 October 30
    ??? permalink

    For both of you lovely “ladies” looking for a love connection- there is someone out there for you, if you like to ride in the back seet of a HARLEY-DAVIDSON MOTOR CYCLE with MIFFY…

    Adores: 13
  16. 2009 October 30
    queensbee permalink

    hair! that’s the clincher. without that, who’d give her a second look.

    Adores: 0
  17. 2009 October 30
    Cyrus permalink

    howdy y’all i gots me some hair. yay!

    drunk posting as well.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 October 30
      Windrose permalink

      Yes, but hair today, gone tomorrow.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 October 30
        Little Bunny Foo-Foo permalink

        No, no, no! That’s hare today, goon tomorrow!!!

        Adores: 5
  18. 2009 October 31
    madkathy permalink

    Thankfully, there’s a way for you to find out if your love interest is a spambot: http://vkcouplestesting.com/

    Adores: 0
  19. 2009 November 5
    Yutolia permalink

    “Im 19 going on 20 April 1st”

    I understand when kids under the age of 10 say this. But someone who’s 19 should expect people to know that 20 comes after that…

    “I’m about to start going to some type of school lol so I’m pretty excited about that”

    Some type of school, huh? Wow… apparently I expect too much of spambots…

    Adores: 0

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