YSaC, Vol. 480: Oh Lord, won’t you buy give me…

2009 November 9

Wanted free Mercedes


Hi there, i am looking for a free Mercedes, Must run excellent and have a premiere sound system, under 30,000 miles with new blue paint and new 22 inch rims with new tires on them, (Prefer dunlops) must have mint black leather interior. NO i don’t want your shitty old chevy i am too good for it. please, i don’t wnt to have to clean or wax it as i am quite lazy, so please kindly have it detailed and top off the tank before you deliver it to me I appreciate it as like i said, i am far too lazy to work for it like dumb people. Thank you and God Bless!

Crap.

I have been such a chump. For YEARS, I’ve been studying, earning college degrees (4 at last count), and going to jobs in an attempt to make money with which to purchase things.

WHY? Why did I bother? After all, Craigslist has been around for more than ten years! I could have just posted what I wanted and have people bring it to me.

OK, let’s try this:

Hi there, i am looking for a free Scarlett Johansson… Oh wait, I think I hear the llama. Never mind!

Thanks for the link, macschool!

Edited by drmk to add: Okay, for those of you who are thinking, “This has to be fake — nobody would post something like that!”, I present you with another ad that develish1 sent me just last night:

GIVE AND GET.


I’M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO GIVE ME A MAYBACH BENZ. THE SECRET TOLD ME TO ASK AND I SHALL RECEIVE, BUT ONLY IF I BELIEVE. SO HERE I AM. THIS IS NOT ONLY FOR PERSONAL USE, BUT ALSO TO USE IN VARIOUS UPCOMING MUSIC VIDEOS. THE MONIES EARNED FROM IT’S DISPLAY IN THE VIDEOS WILL GO TOWARDS HELPING TO CREAT PROGRAMS FOR LOCAL YOUTH. I’M AN UPCOMING MUSIC PRODUCER IN NEED OF HELP TO LIFT OFF.

GOD BLESS THE READER AND GIVER OF THIS GIFT.
SINCERELY AND TRUTHFULLY, MR. WEST

And this is in a completely different location — indeed, in a different country — than the original. The second one does sound a bit more sincere than the first one, but given my experiences with humanity in general, and some of the things I’ve seen pass through my email box since beginning this site, I have to believe that both of them, at one point or another, thought, “What the hell? It’s worth a try, right?”

In fact, I might have to start a tag for “It’s worth a try, right?”

Carry on.

292 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 November 9
    jase122 permalink

    Damn…I was looking to get rid of my blue 2008 Mercedes with 12,000 miles on it. Unfortunately, it has 21 inch rims. So I guess I’ll have to find someone else to give it to.

    Adores: 22
    • 2009 November 9
      Ed Snyder permalink

      I’ll take it. Make sure you detail it and fill the tank before delivering it, though cuz I’m lazy.

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 November 9
        jase122 permalink

        Hey there! No problem. Thank god for people like you! Would you like me to put a bunch of free groceries in the trunk when I deliver it to you? I wouldn’t want you to have to move a finger! Funyuns and pork rinds ok?

        Adores: 5
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          Anything that doesn’t need cooking. And no cans–opening them is too much effort.

          Adores: 10
      • 2009 November 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        What would you like the tank filled with?
        I just finished a two liter of Cheerwine, if you wait a bit I’ll top off the tank for you.

        Adores: 3
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          All right, I’ll bite: what’s Cheerwine?

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          sarajean80 permalink

          *gasp*
          You’ve never had Cheerwine?
          Must be a Southern thing.
          It’s a brand of soda that is a little bit like cherry cola, but more cherry, and is a very dark red color.

          Adores: 0
  2. 2009 November 9
    JcT permalink

    Hi, I am looking for my credit card company to write off my debt. I don’t want to work hard and pay it off like dumb people. I just want the balance on the card to show up as zero on my next statement. I appreciate it like I said. Thank you and God Bless.

    Adores: 8
  3. 2009 November 9
    Rick permalink

    Damn, and all I wanted was a slightly used Ford Pinto for experiments in explosives…

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 November 9
      develish1 permalink

      explosives huh? Do tell….

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 November 9
        Lola permalink

        Ford Pintos acquired a reputation in the late ’70s for having the unfortunate situation of the gas tank exploding into flames when the vehicles were involved in certain types of accidents. Litigation of various types ensued.

        Personally, I never liked them because they were ugly, but that’s not technically a concern for danger in terms of accidents – though being blinded by hideousness and causing an accident could potentially occur.

        Adores: 6
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          My parents’ first new car after they were married was a Pinto,a Runabout hatchback. Dad knew about the gas tank problem but his philosophy was (and still is), “Hey, it’s paid for.” That was even after a tree fell on it and nearly crushed my cousin Michael.(my aunt heard the tree breaking, grabbed him from his carseat and flung both of them to the floorboards) He sold it for a dollar in the late Nineties to my cousin Gina ( oddly enough,Michael’s older sister) and it was her first car. It was affectionately referred to as “the deathtrap”.

          Adores: 4
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          sarajean –
          Could have been worse – could have been a Corvair, the subject of a book by Nader titled “Unsafe at Any Speed”!

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          lost_compass permalink

          In Soviet Russia, pintos cause flames to erupt from your rear end.

          Adores: 16
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          lost_compass –
          that can happen here too, if they are pinto beans and you have a lighter.

          Adores: 7
        • 2009 November 9
          Keelhaulrose permalink

          My dad had a Pinto, until my grandparents found out they blew up if the wind blew the right way and forced him to sell and buy a ‘safer’ car. They suggested a Yugo. I wish I was kidding.

          Since then my family has a reputation of owning ‘deathtraps’. There’s one good thing about them, most people give them the right of way without thinking twice about it. Nothing screams ‘liability only’ quite like a grill guard hanging half off a pickup caked in cow poop.

          Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      Do that often enough and you’ll get your own TV show.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 November 9
        Colleen in MA permalink

        We need more cats! I’m changing my avatar right now…I just need to remember my password…this might take a few…shoot – what site do I go to? ha, now that I think about it, can someone do this for me. I’m too lazy.

        Adores: 6
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          More cats! Luckily, the website kept me logged in, so there was no effort required.

          Now just to wait for it to change…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          arallyn,
          I don’t see the cats yet, but have enjoyed your avvie’s ’80s new wave/new romantic mane-style – just wanted to say that.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          Look at the kitty!
          *Makes embarrassing baby noises*
          A-hem. Sorry about that.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          I’m assuming it will change soon enough…gravatar takes a bit sometimes. I, too, am a fan of my hairstyle, though my horns have been partially cut off by the dimension restrictions πŸ™

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          The small human is on facebook, so I don’t know if he’s at school. He is threatening to make my cake out of chemicals. I think he wants me dead.

          EDIT: How did this end up down here? o_O

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          I have a soft spot for tiny, tiny humans in soft shells and doggies. I used to have a cat, and I saw him kill a 20-week-old wild baby rabbit right in front of me.
          Soft spot not so soft.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Colleen in MA permalink

          I changed my avatar to my cat – not even laziness can prevent me from more kitty goodness.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          my kitty brings in headless baby rabbits from time to time and rips butterflies apart while they’re still alive. I must say, I find that to be part of her charm. she lives with my parents for now, though, and I miss her. πŸ™

          Her dandruff, though? Don’t miss that so much. I miss the good ol’ days when she was nice and smooth and didn’t have skin issues. When she hit about 3 years old, she had an outbreak of “feline acne”, greasy fur, and dandruff. We think it was her going through some horrible cat-type teenage years, even though she was fixed as a baby and cat-teens are supposedly around 1 year old in human years.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          Igor – once you see your soft and cuddly pet kill something equally soft and cuddly, it sort of takes the shine off the world. When I was little and had outdoor cats, we would find all manner of “gifts” on the front porch. Snakes, mice, moles, birds, and once in a while a hummingbird. It was like we had won some sort of hellish lottery.
          The worse was the delivery of a partially eaten kitten, one from one of our own cats’ litters that another one(likely a male) had killed. ( The rest of the litter was found dead or dying a little later that morning. It was the only male kitten in the litter that had been partially eaten.)
          I still love cats, and to a lesser extent dogs, but I don’t see them as minature fur-covered humans the way some do. They are, essentially, barely domesticated wild animals.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Colleen in MA permalink

        @Igor the Vigorous I know, so sad! The summer I realized my cat (who I considered my baby) was a hunter was the day my relationship somewhat changed with her. Reality check!

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Sarajean-I disagree! It shows their true nature! I would be aghast to find a dead or dying kitten, but cats are barely domesticated as it is! When they bring me back dead sparrows or chipmunks or rabbits, I think “hey, this bastard isn’t going to eat my garden anymore! good cat!”

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          Mine catches mice, which he is very,very good at. He was stray for a while and I think his survival depended on his skills. He’s never been loose outdoors since I got him, and I never want him to be. Not because I think he’d run away, but because I like songbirds, butterflies, baby birds, etc.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Luckily, this cat I own now can’t catch a bird to save her life. She’s front declawed (not my first choice, but she ripped apart an $800 chair), and while our old cat was fully declawed and could still kill CROWS that were at least as big as him, she’s mostly reserved to bunnies and butterflies.

          The moment my cat kills a songbird is the moment she doesn’t get to go outside again. Cats are such a threat to songbirds, and I refuse to be part of the problem.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          “Not because I think he’d run away, but because I like songbirds, butterflies, baby birds, etc.”
          Lola, when I read this, I missed the birds part and thought you said “babies, etc.”
          Scary moment, there.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 10
        2Sly4You permalink

        See, we, at one point in time, had 6 cats. Now we have 4. We *still* have mice. Our cats are the *worst* hunters evah!

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 11
          sfaye permalink

          When my hamster turned up missing a few weeks ago, we watched the cat. Logical, right? He should know where the hamster is. Turns out he was more interested in watching us. I ended up putting out plates of diced apple and checking them periodically to look for little nibbles. When I found out which room she was in, I set her cage down with the door open. Sure enough, a few hours later she was happily sitting inside with the still subdued cat right next to her. My cat has no kill instinct, except when it comes to my legs as I walk up the steps – that’s killer. His nickname has since been changed to Little Monster, Hero to Hamsters.

          Adores: 1
  4. 2009 November 9
    Ed Snyder permalink

    FRIST!!!!!

    (I’m a fan of anyone who says they’ll only serve two terms, and actually only serves two terms)

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 9
      Colleen in MA permalink

      You can’t yell frist if you’re not frist. Unless you’re really lazy.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 November 9
        Meredith permalink

        I asked him to write it for me.

        Adores: 3
    • 2009 November 9
      Ed Snyder permalink

      I am THAT LAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!111!!!!!11111!

      (I’ve now combined multiple elements of anti-style that I hate: the stuck caps lock key, the repeating final letter, multiple exclamation marks, and the numeral “1” mixed in with the multiple punctuation for some freaking reason)

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Igor the Vigorous permalink

        Ed, we do that all the time on punditkitchen, but for the exclamation you should be saying “!!!!!!111!!1!!!!!elebenty!!11!!”

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          I’m waaaaay too lazy to type out elebenty.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Count Blah permalink

          YES! I do that too. It makes me giggle. πŸ™‚

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        he’s right, you can’t miss off the “elebenty!” it’s just not the same without it.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          wtf…elebenty?

          kids these days…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          It’s the sound a moaning idiot makes while typing “111” on his keyboard really hard, because he can’t just say “eleven” or “one” or “exclamation point”, and he has to read it out loud to himself.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          develish1 permalink

          I blame cheezburger, oh and I’m not a kid, although at times my behaviour might confuse on that score

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Sorry, sarcasm doesn’t translate well over the internet…I know you’re not a kid, and I know what it is! After all, I played World of Warcraft with what I’m sure were 10-year-old ingrates, given their language skills.

          I say “kids these days” a lot, simply because I’m not long out from being a kid myself. Plus people find it funny coming from a 5-foot-tall person who looks like a dwarf πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Arallyn, you can be more than sure. I played with them too. That’s why you’re supposed to go Horde- there are more mature people there.
          It’s cause all the 10 year olds want to play as A) a pretty purple night elf B) a gnome c) the human girl! she has big booooobies see! that means she must be 1337, guys! lets go ride bikes!

          That sound like them?

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Yeah but I WAS horde.

          I just played on the “Anus of Warcraft” or the ghetto of warcraft, depending on what other server you were on. Dethecus was riddled by idiots and assholes on both sides.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          I played Firestorm, and started out on alliance. Then I rerolled with my friend and quit about 5 months ago with the best gear that was out at the time.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          I quit about 9 months back, at the end of last spring semester. Full T4, some T5. Not the very best out there, but it was pretty good. There were some incidents that started on WoW and rolled over into real life that precipitated my leave, and I don’t really ever want to go back.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9

        Well, if they’re too stupid to realize that holding down a button will repeat it, the “1” appears because they’re actually hitting the Shift + 1 key each time and sometimes Shift doesn’t factor in. I like the alt version of this as:

        LAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!11ONE

        Adores: 1
  5. 2009 November 9
    sarajean80 permalink

    Wow, that is super lazy. Apparently this person is so lazy they can only use the SHIFT key when they feel like it. It’s just too much effort to hold down a button, type a letter, and then release it. I’m guessing they are too lazy for things like a job. Maybe they will put in another posting:

    WantedfreeMansion
    Hi there, i am looking for a free house,Must be a minimum of 20,000 square feet with new siding, new roof, and new carpet and paint inside.NO i don’t want your shitty trailer, i am too good for it. please,have the staff ready to cater to my every need as i am quite lazy and have no idea how the real world works. send the car to pick me up at:
    1234 entitlement lane
    dreamworld, usa
    Thank You and God Bless!

    Adores: 12
    • 2009 November 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      Pft. I’d advertise that I need this pampered freak to come serve my every whim, but I’m too good for them. πŸ˜‰

      Adores: 1
  6. 2009 November 9
    sarajean80 permalink

    Mad props to the ostrich/emu for the Joplin referenceβ™₯

    Adores: 2
  7. 2009 November 9
    Cyrus permalink

    Whoever raised this son of a gun needs to get a firm kick in the ass. Maybe they watched too much of “My Super Sweet 16”?

    Adores: 3
  8. 2009 November 9
    Windrose permalink

    Hi, fellow dumb people! I might have a hard time believing this ad if I didn’t meet people like this every day in the lobby at work. But if we set up a PayPal account and each chip in a few bucks, we could deliver that new Mercedes to this deserving soul. Or not.

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 November 9
      develish1 permalink

      I’m voting “not”

      Adores: 3
    • 2009 November 9
      Sherri permalink

      I’m thinking of some other worthwhile things that could be delivered to this particular person, all of which could be digitally recorded and turned viral on Youtube, creating for all of us EITHER untold wealth and success in the mass media industry or — depending — 7 to life.

      Adores: 6
    • 2009 November 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      Or we could have a wild party in Vegas instead. It could be a YSaC “conference”.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 November 9
        Meredith permalink

        That might be fun. I’ll bring the cake.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          develish1 permalink

          did someone say cake? I’m be right there

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          We need to get someone to jump out of it!
          (Where’s Igor when you need him?)

          Or lost-compass can do a dramatic reading of The Penis Collages Song.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9

          Oh! I’ll bring sammiches, what kind does everyone want?!

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          Igor – Concord.

          Edit: Wait, how did this get up here? I’ve done like someone else did the other day and answered a question in the future!

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          Jami –
          Italian mix hoagie/sub is usually:
          Assortment of salame, plus other Italian cold cuts (e.g., sopressata, cappicola), provolone, lettuce/tomato/onion, and while you can have mayo/mustard/salad dressing/whatever, I prefer the olive oil and vinegar (esp. if the vinegar is balsamic, which is rare; I make them that way at home), and maybe a dusting of oregano.
          Yummeh.

          Later edit: Dude, it happened again! I don’t get it.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        Tuna? on the other hand my cats would run off with those, erm, let me think a while.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Just no “tea sandwiches”. Damn baby shower food. BRING ME A MAN SANDWICH. With an Igor in it.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          “man sandwich”
          *snicker*
          I can picture that, complete with a chedder G-string to hide the salami.

          I need a cigarette now.

          Adores: 11
        • 2009 November 9

          No need to worry arallyn, in my kitchen tea sammiches do not exist. When I go into the kitchen the general ammount of food prepaired is enough to feed a small army. You will never be subjected to crust-less cucumber sammiches if I have any say in the matter.

          I may have a hard time with the Igor sammich though, he seems to be hibernating again. πŸ™ It is still early (ish) though…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          I would think that the hibernation would make it easier!

          Wouldn’t he have school right now? it IS a weekday…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          I, too, think he’s probably at school still, but you could try luring with cake.

          Hell, forget him in a sandwich, see if he can jump out of a cake, as suggested. It is Vegas, after all – we can step things up a little.

          I’d like an Italian mix hoagie, oil and vinegar, no onions. Ta.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9

          In theory hibernation would make it easier, but tracking him down becomes difficult as I only have a vague idea as to where he is. Hell, Massachusetts isn’t that big, I’m sure I could probably find him.

          The chances of him being at school are great, that should help to narrow the search.

          Anyone want to give me a plane ticket? I deserve it. (Note: needs to be first class, I’m too good to sit with the commoners in business and coach.)

          @Lola: What goes on an Italian Mix? I have never had the pleaseure of encountering such a sammich.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Hint- the town where the shot heard round the world was fired?
          Minutemen? Name of a certain type of grapes?
          πŸ˜›

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Now, now…
          -Is waiting inside a strangely circular multi-layered object in Vegas for the rest of YsaC’s get-together-

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        ooops, did we leave Igor sitting in the cake?

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Yeah, d’you guys know how hard it is to breathe through this delicious, moist food? It’s so thick! πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        sorry Igor,

        I got sidetracked by a rather large plate of lasagne and a bottle of merlot

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 11
          sfaye permalink

          Am I the only vegetarian on YSaC. I feel left out. I will not be eating sammiches. On the other hand, that leaves more room for cake. *licks lips* Now all’s I need is a big glass o’ milk.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 11
        arallyn permalink

        Wait, being vegetarian makes it so you can’t eat sammiches? I was under the impression that peanut butter and jelly was a sammich! Unless peanuts are really small animals in disguise and have been fooling me this whole time πŸ™

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 11

          The problem isn’t the PB&J; it’s the bread: bread is made from the bones of little lambs and calves and ducklings, you know.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 11
          arallyn permalink

          Awesome! I haven’t been able to stomach lamb since I was little and I’ve been in need of more calcium! Able to eat a forbidden meat AND getting my daily dose of Ca! Hoorah!

          Adores: 0
  9. 2009 November 9

    Are people actually taking this one seriously? I’m pretty sure it’s a parody. Come on, he called himself “lazy.”

    I’d be interested to see the ads that spurred this one on, though I suspect they’re less extreme and probably don’t stand out quite so much.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      I know several people who refer to themselves as lazy. Personally I would say that’s like calling the sun “a little warm” or the ocean “damp”, but I digress.

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 9
      Count Blah permalink

      I definitely think the first one is a fake post. Dude is probably bitter because of a golddigging ex wife or some friend who’s cheating welfare so he’s using Craigslist to vent about people who expect free stuff. It’s performance art.

      The second one is probably serious; the guy is taking The Secret way too literally, though. I’ve read the book: it does say that you’ll get whatever you ask for if you believe hard enough, but a) you’re not supposed to ask people, you’re supposed to ask the universe/God/whatever, and b) the universe might provide it by causing you to see a job ad from a company that lends employees a car during their tenure; or you might happen across an ad for an estate sale where a Mercedes is being sold really cheaply; or maybe you’ll pass by a flaming building and rescue some person who turns out to be rich and extravagant and gives you a car for your heroism.

      The “god bless” at the end of that ad really irks me. I’m not religious in the least and even I’m familiar with the phrase “God helps whose who help themselves”. And I’m sure that quote doesn’t refer to “helping yourself” to other people’s stuff.

      Adores: 11
      • 2009 November 9
        My Evil Twin permalink

        Uh, you do know that “God helps those who help themselves” is not a religious tenet, right? According to wordpress.com, it was originally coined by Benjamin Franklin.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          I don’t think Blah meant it as a religious tenet, she just said it was a quote.

          I favor the deity-neutral TANSTAAFL, myself.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Count Blah permalink

          Oh. I actually thought that WAS a Bible quote, based on hearing elebenty-thousand pious Christian-type people say it.

          Still. It’s a good quote, and an apt one, and it’s still annoying to see someone asking for free stuff.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        My Evil Twin permalink

        Well, OK, but in that case I fail to see what that has to do with whether or not one is religious.

        TANSTAAFL looks familiar… What is it?
        There (are?) no such thing as a free lunch?

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          You are very close, it’s not in proper English:

          There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

          It appears in many of Robert Heinlein’s books, most famously in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (my favorite book of all time), and also shows up in economics to demonstrate opportunity cost and in computers in connection with problems in search and optimization.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          I had a free lunch just a few days ago. That old saying is wrong.

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 9
          My Evil Twin permalink

          Well, since “aint” means “are not”, it’s really saying there are not no such thing as a free lunch, which would mean that there IS such a thing as a free lunch, so that old saying is still true… I think.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          Keelhaulrose permalink

          I was about to say that I get a free lunch every day at work, but I realized how incredibly dumb that would be. Not thinking someone is going to deliver a detailed Mercedes with a full tank into my driveway because I asked for it on CL dumb, but pretty dumb regardless.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          Procrastinator permalink

          A fellow Heinleinite! Nice to see another Stranger in a Strange Land.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 11
        sfaye permalink

        I’m pretty sure I remember “the gods help those who help themselves” showing up in Aesop, so I think it must pre-date Ben Franklin. If I remember correctly, a fox was involved, but with Aesop, wasn’t there always a fox? Anyone remember this particular fable?

        Adores: 0
  10. 2009 November 9

    I don’t think the poster expected anyone to take this one seriously, folks.

    Mocking this post for unrealistic expectations is like being the vicar who complained to the publisher of Gulliver’s Travels on the grounds that some of the incidents in the travelogue were obviously exaggerated and possibly untrue.

    (What G. said.)

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 November 9
      Heather permalink

      Damn…and here I was ready to get rid of this unsightly Mercedes that’s been sullying my driveway yea these past few months, Dunlops included. Guess I’ll hang onto the beast for a bit longer…

      Adores: 0
  11. 2009 November 9

    Yeah, I doubt that this is a serious request, but that brings up the question of…why? Why write it in the first place? It’s not funny, so it can only be to spark outrage/ maybe make it to best-of-craigslist for the chutzpah it would take to seriously make a request like this. Or they’re actively trying to get on this site, in which case this is a prime candidate for the ‘trying-too-hard’ tag.

    Oh, in case tigprincess or any of the other people involved in our little conversation about cricket the other day are interested, my username now links to my cricket blog. It’s no great shakes, but there are lots of pictures of beautiful men and commentary that is often moderately amusing!

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 9
      tacomagic permalink

      I think this is the Craigslist equivalent of a ragequit.

      Maybe a “Sarcasm?” tag would be called for.

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      Ed Snyder permalink

      I looked and saw the picture of Shep. He is quite handsome.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9

        Heh. He was adorable, truly, but the more I post the more a trend will emerge, and that trend will be pictures of Daniel Vettori, because by god is that man a sexy, sexy beast.

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9

        Aw, he was adorable, wasn’t he? I was so sad when they made the announcement that he had passed on. All the teams who played a match anywhere in the world that week observed a moment of silence and wore black armbands in tribute. He was one of the greats, for sure.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          We can all hope to make 68 and still appear to have so much life in us despite battling lung cancer.

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Igor The Vigorous permalink

      /RAGEQUIT!

      Adores: 0
  12. 2009 November 9
    develish1 permalink

    Seems this kind of thing is not that unusual a post on there at the minute though, I sent in a similar one yesterday asking for a free car. It was a little more detailed than this though and at least attempted to give excuses why you should give them a car.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      develish1 permalink

      as you can now see above. (note to self – refresh is your friend)

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9

      Yep, just got it up. Thanks, develish1!

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        you’re welcome, and please just call me Dev, it’s far easier to type

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Igor The Vigorous permalink

        Drmk got it up?
        How does a nun get it up?

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9

          Force of habit.

          Adores: 10
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          Which, naturally, then forces OFF the habit.

          Adores: 6
      • 2009 November 9

        Snort.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          Double snort.

          Yes, folks, they’ll be here all week. Try the veal.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 10
          Cled permalink

          *snort* *choke* *gasp*

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          Meredith permalink

          SO glad I turned away from the new lappy before spitting Orange Crush all over my workplace.

          And so glad I checked back today to read this.

          BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

          Adores: 0
  13. 2009 November 9
    Lola permalink

    What makes this remotely serious to me is that there are people out there who really do think that life should just hand them stuff, and not having stuff isn’t “fair” to them. I just finished reading “The Man Who Loved Books Too Much” which is a new nonfiction book about a guy who stole rare/expensive books and had no qualms about doing so, because he wanted them and didn’t have them and it wasn’t fair that others had things and he didn’t. Seriously, that was his justification. Other people had nice, big and (key word here) impressive libraries that he wanted and stealing books from booksellers (who have expensive books and must be rich – not actually true) made things more fair, to his thinking.
    So, even if this person is kidding, it’s no stretch to think that there are people who (a) think they are entitled to pretty much anything/everything and (b) lazy enough to not even try and steal (it’s truly sad when planning and executing theft makes you appear favorable to the seriously lazy-ass, since you are willing to include thought and effort in your endeavors).

    That said, if you have a husband who is in good shape but you don’t need any more … I don’t want your shitty, schlub-type, only independently wealthy international supermodels, please …
    *rolls eyes*

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 November 9
      JcT permalink

      Sounds like you are hoping for “The Continental”. Bah ha! Be careful what you wish for! You would like a glass of champagna, no?

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        Lola permalink

        Seriously, JcT, the men I have met who are even remotely like that are usually high-maintenance in some way(s) and/or a general pain in the ass (keep reminding you how great they are and what a favor they are doing you by acknowledging your presence).
        An average-looking guy, slighly used, with a good job, decent credit, and who doesn’t think all women are gold diggers would be acceptable, in the end.

        Adores: 3
        • 2009 November 9
          tacomagic permalink

          This is this what we call “expectation management” in the engineering buiseness.

          Well done Lola.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          JcT permalink

          Heh heh, slightly used. Not fresh off the banana boat. Heh heh.

          I’m not sure why that cracks me up, but all these thoughts keep going through my head. Rough edges sanded off. 2007 Ford Focus. No more than two ex-wives. Understands how life works, but not too cynical about the reality of it. Heh heh. Can have had some lovers, but fewer than a couple hundred. I could go on and on, but my grin is starting to hurt my face.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 10
          Cled permalink

          Thank you for “expectation management”, tacomagic. I see all sorts of workplace applications here…

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      tigprincess permalink

      Hi Lola some while ago there was one of these “send on to 5 people within 10 miutes” emails going around which simply asked you to pack up your husband / partner and send them on to the name at the top of the list. The incentive was that within 4 weeks apparently you’d get about 12,867 of them at least one of which would be better than the one you’d parcelled up.
      My problem was that he kept wriggling and refusing to stay still in the little cardboard box. Divorce was cleaner

      Adores: 9
      • 2009 November 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        They are much quieter if you don’t poke holes in the box first. Oh, they still wiggle about at first…

        Adores: 3
      • 2009 November 9
        Lola permalink

        tigprincess –
        *cough* 12,867?!? *cough*
        I only have a one-bedroom apartment, and enough storage issues, already. Guess I’ll pass on that one.

        JcT –
        “Understands how life works, but not too cynical about the reality of it.”
        Possibly the best part of your “ad.” Much better than those guys who try to tell you how great they are, or what their unrealistic expectations for women are.

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Keelhaulrose permalink

        It might be worth spiking the drink if I got that one out of 12,867 that might pick up a stinking dishrag every once in a while. Honestly, I don’t care if they’re physically cute. Clean my dishes without reservation or complaint, and I’m yours.

        Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      arallyn permalink

      Ooh I heard about that book on NPR a couple weeks back. I wanted to read it, but I’m too poor to buy books and I think I’m banned from our local library for owing over $40 in fines. πŸ˜›

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        Lola permalink

        That’s where I first heard of it, too. Good book, if you ever get the chance to pick it up.
        As a librarian, one who professionally keeps (not takes) books for others, that sort of thing interests me.

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        maybe you could post a “send me one free” message on CL arallyn?

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Dev-Genius!

          Lola-I really liked how the book was presented on the radio, though I’m not positive I’d love the book in real life. I’m an avid reader, though, so I’ll probably pick it up next time I head to the school’s library…assuming they have it.

          Adores: 0
  14. 2009 November 9
    Meredith permalink

    I would say this is a joke, if I didn’t work with people for two years who asked other people for EVERY single thing they ever wanted. In this case it was part of this “new punk” thing. They worked, barely, and spent the money on booze and drugs and tattoos. Then when they needed (or wanted) anything, they put out a post saying “Hey guys, I really NEED a place to live. Not looking to rent, just crash somewhere. Come on, you LOVE me, help me out!!!”. For some reason, it worked for several of them. One was given a car, one a place to live, one was given free groceries whenever he asked. It was like they cultivated these persona’s, and people bought into the character, so they contributed to them.

    Of course, this is being brought to you by the woman who mentioned she could really use a laptop, and had someone drop it off at work for her. THAT was not asked for, though.

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 November 9
      Heather permalink

      Meredith, I find that FreeCycle is much, much worse than CL in this regard (people asking for absurd things). Want a Wii and a new IPod? Look no further than FreeCycle, where some poor sod will believe your story about your five starving children having no Christmas! Grrr.

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9

        Speaking of which, I WILL post ridiculous FreeCycle ads if folks send them in, but since you have to subscribe to them locally (at least I have to subscribe to our local one and prove I live within a “reasonable range”), I can’t search for them outside my region.

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9

        I love FreeCycle, I furnished my first apartment with stuff from there and it was awesome, albiet miss-matched.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          tacomagic permalink

          Ohhh… so that’s what that smell is…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          Is it dead auntie juice?

          Adores: 3
    • 2009 November 9
      Lola permalink

      What the hell is punk about asking for handouts? I thought punk was about DIY – the Y standing for “yourself.” Not GSETDIFY, or Get Someone Else to Do It For You.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        My Evil Twin permalink

        I thought punk was DSSY: Do Something Strange Yourself.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          No, that’s do something stupid yourself.

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      bonni permalink

      Yup, the new punks//gutter punks. (drmk, even yer town of residence has a small squad of them. They would sit in the 500 block of the main drag and ask for money.) The thing is that, like, tattoos are really expensive, so you can SEE that they had $200 x 5 at some point in their lives. Anyway, some new punks asked me for money once. I pulled the crabby-old-lady-talking-to-Halloween-trick-or-treaters spiel and said “In MY day, kids had to perform some kind of song, or demonstrate a skill, to get any reward from me!” It completely shut them up.

      Adores: 2
  15. 2009 November 9
    Nicole permalink

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this person was only posting to make fun of other ads. However, if they were serious and they do receive such a vehicle, I request that they email me ASAP so I can start asking the Santa Claus of CL for a shiny red corvette with tan interior, heated seats, and an endless supply of free gasoline.

    Adores: 2
  16. 2009 November 9
    Meredith permalink

    Methinks they are unaware of the term “sugar daddy” or “sugar mamma”. (See also:Gold Digger)

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      Or they are too lazy to find one.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        Meredith permalink

        And that’s just not respecting the work I put into grooming a man to be a good Sugar Daddy. It’s a careful process and can take months to cultivate a profitable relationship like this. This person must have received one of those “Get a Sugar Daddy in 3 Easy Steps” books. Seriously, some people think it’s sooo easy.

        Oh, and I could really use a new laptop skin for my brand new laptop. An optical mouse, Windows Office Pro, and a padded carrying case would be nice, too. Thanks for getting right on that, folks.

        Adores: 1
  17. 2009 November 9
    lost_compass permalink

    Does anyone else find it sad, and a little disturbing, that the second poster has apparently embraced Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret as his guide to life?

    Someone gave me the audio version of this a while back, but I couldn’t even get through the first CD (probably because I was muttering “what a load of crap” every thirty seconds or so. The spooky-assed/mystical sound effects didn’t help either).

    I have nothing against the power of positive thinking, but not packaged like this: wishing and believing will attract anything you want to you. If that worked, Scarlett Johansson would be here right now, wearing only an apron and fixing me French toast.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 November 9
      Meredith permalink

      Uh….I’ve done that for a man. Guess the book works…although I’m no Scarlett. (and I think she has an alien head)

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Lola permalink

      I too thought that if they were serious about that, then it was really sad. If I could believe and wish and make it come true, I wouldn’t be writing this at work. I’d be dictating it to my personal assistant from my penthouse apartment, and Jon Hamm would be shirtless and feeding me grapes. None of those things are happening, even if I wish so hard I have to squinch my eyes shut tight!

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 9
      Count Blah permalink

      There were aspects of The Secret that I liked. But when the author started saying that she used positive thinking to correct her vision and lose weight without changing her eating habits, I tuned out.

      It’s hilarious, though, because the book says you can literally do anything if only you believe, and describes crazy shit that happened to people (like a guy imagining a feather with very specific markings and then finding it on the sidewalk later that day). Then it’ll have an inspirational quote from someone. Usually someone from a long time ago. With their birth and death dates after their name. So…none of these people thought to ask for eternal life?

      I’d like to sprout an enormous pair of wings from my back. If The Secret could make that one chick lose weight without diet or exercise, surely it will allow me to sprout flight appendages. And if it doesn’t happen, it’s my own fault because I didn’t believe enough.

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 November 9
        My Evil Twin permalink

        You can lose weight without diet or exercise: it’s called a tapeworm.

        Adores: 13
        • 2009 November 9

          You can lose even faster if you wish for Rotavirus along with your tapeworm!

          Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        Ed Snyder permalink

        What the author neglects to say is that what is real to you may not be real to the interns and nurses who force those little pills down your throat four times each day.

        Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 9
      develish1 permalink

      I suppose self-belief can be a useful tool in achieving your life goals, self-delusion on the other hand……

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      dan permalink

      Hey! I saw her first!

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      Okay, I want to try this.

      *Closes eyes tightly*

      When I open my eyes I will not be at my desk, I will be in my lush country estate and Patrick Fugit will be bringing me breakfast in bed, wearing nothing but Hershey’s chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and a strategically placed cherry.

      *opens eyes*

      Damn it.

      Adores: 5
      • 2009 November 9
        Count Blah permalink

        Okay, I know you guys are all probably just being silly and flippant but The Secret isn’t really about that–it’s not about wishing for things and then magically getting them (see my post further up for a better explanation of how this “asking for stuff” thing is supposed to work). Well, aside from the weight loss and eyeball-prescription-correcting bullshit. That bullshit was BULLSHIT.

        Parts of the book were idiotic and infuriating. But other parts rang true for me. Whether there are actual “cosmic forces” out there or not, it can’t be argued that figuring out what you want in life is a vital first step in eventually obtaining your goals–and that when your eyes are focused on said goal, you’ll probably notice relevant things happening around you that you might otherwise have missed.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          My Evil Twin permalink

          Count Blah: “[…] figuring out what you want in life is a vital first step in eventually obtaining your goals–and that when your eyes are focused on said goal, you’ll probably notice relevant things happening around you that you might otherwise have missed.”

          So it looks like you pretty much summed up the arguably useful bits of the book: Figure out what you want and pay attention for opportunities. How many pages is the book?

          Anyway, I take a rather dim view of supposedly non-fiction books that contain ANY amount of BS (i.e., blatant fiction) purporting to be truth. Shouldn’t I?

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          My Evil Twin permalink

          [continuing…]
          My mother likes the “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” books, so she had me read one. I got to his advice on how you should “pay yourself” before you pay the people/companies/whatever you owe (isn’t that how one digs themself deeper?), and I couldn’t continue much after that (not to mention a few other “anomolies” that at the very least made me question the veracity of his stories). They sell very well, though, don’t they?

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9

          Then again, “pay yourself” can also mean things like “contribute to your company’s 401(k) plan or to your own retirement fund”, which are really important; if your company has a 401(k) match, it’s like turning down free money if you’re not contributing up to the match amount.

          And I think his grand point is that you need to build up an emergency fund, so even if you’re contributing $50 per month to that fund, you need to remember to do it.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          My Evil Twin permalink

          @drmk:

          Well yes, but even if that was the case, if you don’t pay the people you owe, you could ruin your credit rating, get penalties and interest applied to the amount that is owed, etc. The time to build an emergency fund is when you have extra resources to save, is it not? Otherwise, I’ve been completely naive by actually paying my bills.

          “Pay yourself first” means that before you pay any bills, you save/invest/do whatever to some money for yourself (which is fine, if you have enough money (but in that case, which order you do them in is largely irrelevant, as far as I can see); he claimed he was “barely scraping by” at the time he came up with this gem of a philosophy). If you’re saving $50 a month but paying $100 in late fees and interest and what have you, I can’t see how that would be helpful. The down sides to not paying your bills greatly outweigh the upsides from most investments available to the general public, I think, unless you get exceptionally lucky — but who knows, I could be wrong. After all, I am silly enough to always pay my bills first.

          Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        Igor The Vigorous permalink

        I know, Sarajean, wasn’t it a shock when you just found Igor wearing nothing but a strategically placed banana peel?

        Adores: 3
        • 2009 November 9
          Meredith permalink

          What a delightful surprise. I’m going to have to try that.

          :::::I’m squinting…I’m squinting::::

          ::::Opens eyes to dirty apartment with rogue mice::::

          dammit!!!

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          -Is lying on floor wearing nothing but a strategically placed rogue mouse-

          Adores: 4
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          I guess they don’t call you “The Vigorous” for nothing β™₯

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          I don’t think that laying around with mice on him counts as vigorous…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          He’ll be plenty vigorous once Meredith’s laptop Romeo finds him lying on her floor… just not in the way he would want.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          He can help with her rat infestation! πŸ˜€

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          -Hums- Always look on the bright side of life…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          Meredith permalink

          Igor should be glad I no longer have a cat to catch those rogue mice….ouch.

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 10
      jackie31337 permalink

      lost_compass: something along these lines?

      1) Scarlet Johansson enters your house in a manner you see fit.

      6)Scarlet Johansson cooks you a hot plate of her choice (you will decide on the attire Scarlet Johansson will be wearing while cooking)
      7) Scarlet Johansson leaves.

      The only problem I can see with that is that it won’t guarantee that you’ll get french toast.

      Adores: 13
  18. 2009 November 9
    Cled permalink

    Well, I don’t know. I think the second one, at least, is serious. Using that word in the loosest sense.

    There is this… this… this thing described in a book called The Secret that’s been making the rounds hereabouts, and I suppose it is making the rounds in whatever country that second ad comes from. I haven’t bothered to learn much about it, but it seems to involve a lot of visualizations and affirmations and that sort of thing.

    Ah, here we go, Wiki says: “The Secret is described as a New Age spiritual self-help book, with the basis of the claims of the “Laws of Attraction” originate through understanding the cosmos and how an individual can influence it for their own personal gain and benefit.” (I don’t know how to embed a URL, so http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Secret_%28book%29 )

    So that’s it. All you have to do to influence the cosmos for your own personal gain is to post a Craigslist ad. Why didn’t I think of that?

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Meredith permalink

      This “Secret” is sounding better and better.

      Can we get it to work backward? I’d like to drive away all this weight I need to lose, but I hate all this pesky “exercise” required.

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 9
      develish1 permalink

      the 2nd one is from the UK Cled

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Cled permalink

        I’m in Israel, and I see from the Source of All That Is Right and True (Wikipedia) that The Secret started in Australia, if I read that correctly. The UK makes sense.

        I also see that several others have commented on it. Sigh. Note to self: Read all the comments before waxing snarky.

        Second note to self: Don’t wax Snarky too much. She doesn’t like it.

        Adores: 13
        • 2009 November 9
          develish1 permalink

          you could try just a gentle buff, she might prefer that to a full wax

          Adores: 8
        • 2009 November 9
          tigprincess permalink

          Cled – I was drinking tea! Waxing Snarky indeed.
          *pauses to get tissue to mop up desk and screen and keyboard*
          If anyone out there has a spare Lotus Elan I really need it, fully insured of course, and one of those limitless credit cards that you’d be happy to pay for me?? please? pretty please?
          *shrugs*
          I can’t even get the magic cleaning fairy to come and blitz the kitchen…. but I’m very good at attracting weight and tiredness … and weirdos on public transport …”has anyone seen my camel?”

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Igor The Vigorous permalink

      Oh, I thought “The Secret” was “The Bible”, and that they thought God would do all their work for them.

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Meredith permalink

        Hey now. Let’s not go there.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          No, I really did. I thought they were talking about the whole “Ask and ye shall receive” bit. Not trying to be insulting, despite the fact that I don’t buy into any religion, including atheism.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          No, I really thought they were talking about the whole “ask and ye shall receive” bit.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          WHARRGARBL! Sorry.

          Adores: 0
  19. 2009 November 9
    mudslicker permalink

    Check out the cajones on that first pathetic dolt. He/she brings the concept of vapid cyber panhandling to a whole new level.

    I’ve got a Secret for them. Their driveways will still be free to shovel by Christmas.

    May god bless the reader (and the beasts and the children) indeed!

    Adores: 2
  20. 2009 November 9
    Stephanie permalink

    These people are like Calvin asking Santa for a flamethrower and RPGs. Man are they gonna be upset when all they get are socks….

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 November 9
      Heather permalink

      I’m still waiting for my flamethrower. Sigh.

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      I asked for a catapult so I might smite my enemies with flaming plague victims, raining firey death from above.

      *sigh*

      Now I’m banned for life from three local malls. I would have gotten that last one but he cheated. I don’t think it’s right for Santa to be packing pepper spray, and the taser was overkill.

      Adores: 6
  21. 2009 November 9
    JcT permalink

    “The Secret” sounds to me like just another take on the books from the 80’s that said you just need to write down your needs over and over and they will magically come true. “I weigh 165 pounds with six-pack abs” (written as you shove down that third eclair), “I will be CEO of this company” (written as you trudge off to your job making french fries at the local Choke And Puke), I will drive a Lexus (written as you get ready to replace the innertube of your 20″ Schwinn)…

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 November 9
      My Evil Twin permalink

      The Secret is to write a book about whatever rubbish you can scrape from the bottom of your cognitive processes and get millions of gullible people to buy it.

      Adores: 12
      • 2009 November 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        Shh, don’t tell! I won’t be able to make millions with my “Have A Sammich” Diet books.

        Adores: 5
        • 2009 November 9
          Heather permalink

          Hey, I *just* ate a sammich! Do you need any testimonials?

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        arallyn permalink

        So it’s basically like modern art?

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 9
          Meredith permalink

          OMG…CUTE kitten!!!!

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          My Evil Twin permalink

          @arallyn: Yeah, only popular.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Modern art may not be popular, but if a man can make $6 million on a painting of an “L” on a black background, it’s gotta be the most profitable form of work for the least effort, short of being an heiress.

          Seriously, modern art is ALL marketing. And I’m not talking “modern” like Edvard Munch or Toulouse-Latrec or hell, pretty much anything before WWII. I’m talking people who take an old toilet they found in the trash, attach a pretentious story to it, and sell it for milions.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9

          I’ll disagree respectfully. I think SOME modern art is about marketing and shock value (Damien Hirst comes to mind), but I think there is a lot of very interesting modern art out there.

          And psst: the Duchamp Fountain was from 1917.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          I do like rather a lot of modern art; just don’t get me started on performance art, though.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          There are always exceptions πŸ™‚ I can see a pure black canvas representing hopelessness and whatever else the artist said it was when I was at Minneapolis MoMA. I also can see how many types of abstraction can appeal to people. I am a big fan of figuratifs, myself.

          Duchamp seems to be who a lot of “modern artists” seem to take after. Except…HE was original. It was something new! Novel! These guys…just want money.

          As someone with a lot of friends in the theater department, in the same building as our art department (both here and at UW Madison), a major issue I have with “modern artists” is that I have seen so so many go up to realist art, or ancient art styles like fresco, and just…pretty much everything short of spitting on it! They slander it, call it shallow, everything horrible. I have never ONCE seen a classical artist slander or do anything bad to modern artists. They give them funny looks, and they don’t always understand them, but they live and let live! They just seem so much less bitter, less hateful.

          /end rant

          Adores: 1
  22. 2009 November 9
    Ed Snyder permalink

    I give most of my spare Mercedeses to NASA so they can use them in music videos to make money to help their new projects “lift off.”

    Adores: 7
  23. 2009 November 9
    Mimi permalink

    I think these guys have read “The Attractor Factor” and really do not “get” it. Yes, you are supposed to ask The Universe for what you want. But I don’t think The Universe reads Craigslist.

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 November 9
      My Evil Twin permalink

      Looking 4 a big bang – u4g

      Hey there. I am 156 lite years wide univers and expanding but im trying to go on a diet lol.
      Want a hot galaxy to share space with. Ive got a Big Dipper. LTR OK but no drama.
      Hit me up.

      Adores: 20
    • 2009 November 9
      Count Blah permalink

      Exactly the point I’ve been trying to make.

      Adores: 0
  24. 2009 November 9

    That first ad sounds like something my sisters would do. Especially my younger one. The day she turned 16 she came down for breakfast and asked our mom what kind of car she should be expecting in the driveway. She threw a fit when she found out there was no car for her and demanded she get mine (which I had paid for myself). I was without a car for 2 weeks until my mom bought her one… Needless to say I was not a happy camper.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      arallyn permalink

      Oh my god….I would have shoved her down a flight of stairs! My 16th birthday consisted of a cake, some nice earrings, and a new set of strings for my viola. And that was WAY more than I expected (especially the earrings part)! If I had thrown a fit about no car, my parents would have just laughed ad then told me that I should be grateful that they even feed, clothe, and shelter me.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 November 9
        Igor the Vigorous permalink

        Agreed, that’s ridiculous! For my 16th birthday, I paid for me and some of my friends to go out to the movies, and as a present I got a 70 dollar check and a laser gaming mouse that I only had to pay for half of.

        Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Meredith permalink

      My folks “bought” me a car…which I had to pay them back for. My mom drove it for four months before I was allowed to. When I was in an accident, they decided I would be taking the check from the insurance company instead of getting it fixed. She then decided that half of it should go to her, which I found out when only half of it cleared my bank account.

      Oh, did I mention that my sister demanded a car and refused to get a job until she did. So half my check went to buying her a car…which wasn’t what she wanted, so she refused it and told my parents she was taking their car when she wanted to go anywhere. I was never allowed to drive their car.

      Somehow, this has worked out okay for her all her life. My parents fully supported her when she had a baby, and she’s now married, with two kids, living in my parents house and never having had a job in her life.

      Oh, and my parents see me as the daughter that’s disappointed them….cause I used to live with my boyfriend.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        arallyn permalink

        KILL IT WITH FIRE.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          Meredith permalink

          My sister? That’s a little extreme, even if she is demon spawn. I think my folks would frown on that.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          This site is getting a SIBLING WIPE. IGOR WILL ERADICATE!

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Lola permalink

        Reading/hearing things like that make me glad I don’t have siblings. My parents were relatively fair most of the time. I never had a car of my own but I could use the second-best one after school and on weekends for reasonable trips and if they didn’t need it at that time. One day a week (Friday) I got to drive it to school (giving rides to my friends, which was allowed) and back, because my father was already retired and was kind enough to do his errands the other days. I was also allowed to drive it to work in summer if they didn’t need it then.
        I thought I had it all right.

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9

        Your sister sounds like mine. She reciently found out she’s expecting, has no job, and is living in an apartment my mom pays the rent on. Yet I am the terrible child for not having completed college yet. (Note: the princess reciently graduate from beauty school, what takes most people 9 months took her 2 1/2 years and she still isn’t licensed, and my mom paid for all of it, but refuses to pay for me).

        Also, I must note that my 16th birthday involved theatre practice. That is all. Much like my birthday this year minus the theatre practice.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          I am so grateful for my little brother. He and I didn’t get along terribly well as kids (I scarred him from an early age what with my violent outbursts, so he sorta resented me) but now that we’re older, we get along very well. My parents were very fair with both of us…definitely no favorites, though my brother DOES get to use their totaled car since he lives in town. But I wouldn’t consider that a huge boon to him.

          I’m a disappointment because I’m sucking at college because of depression, he was a disappointment for sucking MAJORLY at high school despite his brains…we’re all disappointments! πŸ˜€

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          You sound like my sister, but you’re not as evil. I get an A on every test I take, but I don’t remember my homework or occasionally skip too much for them to actually think I may be -gasp- somewhat more intelligent than they assume.
          I think it’s the correct grammar that gets to them most.
          She, however, hates college and just wants to start working.
          Oh, and you don’t try to act like my mommy. πŸ˜›

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          *shrug* Sounds like me in high school. I graduated with high honors and was accepted into schools like Ithaca, Northwestern, and UW-Madison (my dad was all about me applying to every school that sent us anything….)

          Yet here I am, in a podunk hick town, sucking at college and wanting to get back to my old job at the lab. BUT! I have to get a degree to get a higher-paying position…so I’m stuck here until I stop hating it enough to get a couple degrees.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Ed Snyder permalink

        My dad went half on a car for me. I only had $200, though, so I ended up with a $400 1970 Olds Delta 88 (this was in 1986). The only problem with an old Delta 88 is that the back seat is big enough for me to now be 40 with a 23-year-old daughter.

        Adores: 5
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          23? They look like BABIES!
          (Your avatar)

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9

          My first car was a ’91 Geo Storm (that I paid for myself). It was so small my boyfriend who was 6’5″ barely fit in the frot seat. I once gave him and two of his friends (both well over 6′) a ride home, that was the most cramped ride I have ever taken, I was almost in the steering wheel.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          Igor, the boy on the left (my right) is my now 4-year-old when he was 3, and the boy on the right is my now almost-3-year-old grandson–the son of my 23-year-old daughter. I also have another son who is 5 months younger than my grandson who didn’t make this picture for some reason (probably my lap isn’t quite that big).

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        Wanna trade?

        When I learned how to drive I got Mom’s old broken-down POS and my sister got a newish one. Not brand new, she is the world’s worse driver (She once got her bumper stuck on a chainlink fence)

        She was married and knocked up by her 18th birthday(barely and not in that order), I get flak because everyone wants to know when I’m going to, “get a man and pop out a few grandkids”. (Like that’s a good reason to have children.)

        She loses or quits every job she’s ever had because of “mental issues”(she’s a manic-depressive, which is SO much fun to be around, like Russian Roulette is fun)I am a productive, tax-paying citizen despite have “mental issues” of my own,(I have pure-O OCD) but I’m considered the “odd sister”. (I’ve also been refered to as the “possibly queer” one, despite evidence to the contrary.)

        She constantly asks me questions, despite the fact that’s I’m almost two tears younger than her and had significantly less schooling, and then calls me a “know-it-all” because I’ll actually try to find out the answers for her.

        She’s living in a house my parents paid for, rent-free, and I live in a RV in the driveway. And I pay her rent. HER, not my parents. And my rent goes towards the cable, internet, and phone bill(which is several months overdue, like most of her bills), instead of things like power or groceries.

        I’m moving out and into an apartment in my parent’s house because she’s “borrowed” most of my savings(she has the financial savvy of a lima bean), leaving me broke. Since my RV is starting to fall apart my parents said I could stay with them for a while, since Sisterzilla doesn’t want me actually INSIDE “her” house, just paying for the things inside. I’ve come to the conclusion that she sees me as the First National Bank of SaraJean.

        *sigh*

        Anyone want to adopt a slightly used little sister? I make kick-ass molasses cookies πŸ™‚

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Good lord, that sounds terrible. I have terrible mental disorders that are just *barely* manageable, but I would far sooner work my tail off than be in school. I just wish schooling weren’t a requirement for advancement in my former job.

          To be honest, family ties or not, I would probably just pick up and move across the country from them. Maybe say hi once or twice a year. Send some food stamps for christmas. But I don’t take family as seriously as I’m told I should. 😐

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          The only reason I’ve stayed as long as I have is the kids, 12,5, and 3 year olds. Family is very, very important to me, I’d shoot the Pope if it would help my nieces and nephew.

          Her main problem doesn’t seem to be the manic depression,she just seems to feel that since she is sick, she deserves special treatment. Most of the time she lies in bed, watches TV (that I pay for) and complains about different things, mostly in the vein of,”If only we had more money, we could do/have this, or this, or this…” She loves to play the “If only…” game.

          I know it is a serious disease, but she doen’t even fight it. She just lays there and lets it win, and it breaks my heart. If not for herself, she should fight it for the kids. What kind of memories of childhood are they going to have if Ant Sawa can play “name that play-doh animal” but Mama watches TV in her room all day and complains about money? They have actually slipped and called me Mama before.

          There are days I find it hard to get out of bed, but I do it.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          JcT permalink

          If you lived in Texas I’d say come on over. Between my daughter’s 1st and second years of college, she brought her stuff down and she lived with me over the summer. Then this past summer, she got her own off-campus apartment, so now all that stuff is in that room, (which used to be my office), so there is a bed, dresser, desk and even an old desktop computer that no one uses except when my son came down to visit, but now HE is off to college and the room sits empty.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        JcT permalink

        I’m not going to tell you about my siblings. They are all quite broken, except my little sister, who is a wonderful angel. But if I talked about the other three, well, you’d think I was lyin’ just to one-up you all. So I won’t, except to say that my years of experience has taught me that ALL families are dysfuntional. And if you think your family is not, then YOU are the one the rest of the family is talking and laughing about. πŸ˜‰

        Adores: 3
        • 2009 November 9
          My Evil Twin permalink

          @sarajean80:
          I hear lima beans are more financially savvy than some recent CEOs…

          Anyway, days when it’s hard to get out of bed are called …well, “days”.

          Adores: 1
  25. 2009 November 9
    arallyn permalink

    But…but…then the demon spawn will spawn more demons! And the demons will be raised to be like her! AND THE WORLD WILL BE DOOMED! If you kill it with fire you might be able to salvage the little demon…

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      Arallyn, we’re going to need more than fire…
      Napalm, anyone?

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Ed Snyder permalink

      arrallyn, “podunk hick town” sounds like you settled for NIU. It doesn’t get much more podunk than Dekalb, IL.

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        arallyn permalink

        Oh good sir you are mistaken! I actually have a friend there that I visit from time to time. I live in River Falls, WI. I have had guys chewing tobacco and spitting into a bottle next to me on an exam. I have been held up in traffic because a cow got loose while they were moving her. I have very nearly hit a flock of sheep that weren’t in their pen on the farm. Guys here figure that if a girl doesn’t chew tobacco and talk like a hick, she’s a stuck-up city girl that doesn’t belong here. THIS is podunk.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          Ah, I know hundreds of people who went to UWRF, having gone to high school in Osceola, WI. At least it isn’t far from Eau Claire or the Twin Cities.

          I was once (briefly) a cop at NIU which is why I joke about that school and town. On the other hand, Dekalb isn’t far from Rockford and the Chicago metropolis.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          25% of the students here got less than a 19 on their ACT. Very few that I’ve talked to legitimately were intelligent but tested poorly (though there are some). It does not make me happy to be amongst them.

          Originally I wanted to study cows, maybe do vet med. Then I realized that vet school costs more than med school and you make MUCH less in the end. Yeah, yeah, it’s supposed to be about the “love of the animals”, but you don’t see doctors giving away services because they “love humanity”, do you?

          So now I’m pretty much done with a Dairy Science degree, and finishing up a Biology degree. Because my home is in the lab. I can’t wait to get back to it.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          Vets aren’t controlled by the Federal Government, whereas Medical Doctors may be before long. Having a little bit of control over your own practice must be worth something, and I would think that alone may be cause for some premeds to consider Veterinary Medicine as an alternative.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          The fact that they don’t have to work with human patients must be a reason, as well. Vet medicine is regulated on the state level, though, and they MUST have a DVM from an accredited university to have access to the vast majority of the supplies and drugs they need to use.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Lola permalink

          arallyn,
          I know that out of state tution can be a prohibitive consideration, but have you considered vet school somewhere else?
          I went to a state school (different major) that had a well-thought-of vet school with both small and large animal practice, and the town wasn’t *that* podunk.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          I am so over the whole vet-school thing…I wanted it at one point, but then I realized I was rubbish at chemistry and didn’t have the energy to pour into it. If I ever went to vet school, I’d probably have wanted to go to Iowa State. That school was pretty much amazing when I visited it.

          As for now, I’m just hoping to get out of here with two degrees at the end of five years and get a job. I’ll be back for more schooling, but for now, I just want to work.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Ed Snyder permalink

          There’s always animal husbandry, but then you have to marry an animal (nyuk, nyuk, nyuk).

          Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      Meredith permalink

      I cried the day I found out my sister was pregnant. I was dreading watching her raise children with the bitterness she lives the rest of her life, and I cried at the idea of having nephews or nieces who I wanted to love so much, but who hated me simply because their mother does.

      I’m so lucky. My nephews (5 and 2) are amazingly charming, sweet, and actually brilliant. I don’t say this just because I love them, but based on what their pediatricians say…they’re each more than a year beyond the maturity of their age group. Loving them actually gets on my sister’s good side, too, so I get to spend time with delightful little men and still live my single life.

      Family relationships are usually screwed up in some way. I’ve just resigned myself to this one, since it’s not like I can change my family.

      I do plan on breaking the cycle of dysfunction with my own life, though. Which is another reason this man I’m seeing is pretty perfect.

      Adores: 1
  26. 2009 November 9
    Cled permalink

    Fighting losing battle with unbearable urge to ask people to play nice.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Sorry for all the sibling stuff. My little brother suffered way more from me than I from him.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      arallyn permalink

      We don’t really want to kill siblings…well, at least I don’t. I simply have an abhorrence towards privileged, whiny, and greedy slobs. It’s all in jest, trust me. πŸ™‚

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9

        I’m with arallyn, I love my sis to bits, just sometimes the “I deserve everything” aditude is annoying.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          Same here. I love her, but I just want to grab her and shake.

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      Meredith permalink

      Truth is, I adore my sister. I don’t deny it at all. She has a problem with me, and even though I’m brutally honest about the way she acts, I truly don’t have any bitter feelings about her personally. She’s been through traumatic experiences as well, and I hope that one day she will be able to see people and the world in a realistic way.

      Family’s complicated.

      Adores: 0
  27. 2009 November 9
    GrahamT permalink

    At least the second ad wasn’t for an “up incoming” music producer…

    Adores: 1
  28. 2009 November 9
    Innana permalink

    Hoorah! I just found two friends from grad school because of this site!

    Adores: 1
  29. 2009 November 9
    develish1 permalink

    ok, at least 2 people have changed their avatars today, yet I still see their old ones, any ideas why?

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      arallyn permalink

      Close your browser, or clear your cache, then refresh the page. You should see the new ones.

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        I’d already done that, but it seems clearing the cache wasn’t enough, had to lose the cookies too. Shame, coz I like cookies.

        Adores: 0
  30. 2009 November 9

    Dunno about a Mercedes, but here’s a free BMW:

    http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/08/28/funny-classifieds-free-1998-bmw/

    It appears that the 2nd person is trying to get someone to “donate” their car to him by pretending to be a charity. That’s many kinds of illegal.

    Adores: 0
  31. 2009 November 9
    Mrphysic permalink

    SO ADAM WEST FROM FAMILY GUY READS “THE SECRET” AND THEN THINKS HE CAN GET WHAT HE WANTS BY ASKING FOR IT ON CRAIGSLIST. CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THAT EPISODE.

    ALSO FINDING IT ENTERTAINING THAT THIS HAS TURNED INTO MORE OF A CHAT SITE.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 November 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      I thought of Adam West when I read that second one, too.

      Sorry about the chatty stuff, I’ll try to cut back πŸ™‚

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        Mrphysic permalink

        No – stick with the chat – I think it’s awesome – I’ve been commenting on this site for a while and I’ve enjoyed watching it grow. 234 posts so far is an amazing tally and it’s comforting that people have a similar sense of humour to myself.

        I’m based in NZ so I feel a bit cut off from the main chat (it’s probably about 4am here when a new ad goes up on the site) but it’s good to see the way people have suddenly clicked with each other.

        Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9

      We do have the forums now, and that might be a better place for the personal stuff. Not that I mind you folks particpating on the site, mind you … but holy cow, the last few days have been a bit crazy!

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 November 9
        Ed Snyder permalink

        On the forum we have to worry about that whole registration thing and some of us are Luddites when it comes to registration. Not me, mind you, but I’m sure there’s a Luddite somewhere.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9

          If you (=global, nonspecific “you”) have problems with the registration, let me know. There were some issues where people didn’t get passwords when they registered — if that’s the case, please email me and I’ll reset your password so you can log in.

          Again — I’m thrilled that folks are participating on the site, but I worry that non-regular contributors to the comments might be dissuaded from participating based on the last few days. We have the forums — let’s use them! (I’m also looking for ways to make the forums easier to use, too.)

          Adores: 3
        • 2009 November 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          The llama nun rules! I had problems getting to the forums at first but she fixed me up like that(insert finger snap here).

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          My Evil Twin permalink

          Ooh! Ooh! Me! I’ll be a Luddite!

          Well, not really… Does just being too lazy to bother count?

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 November 9
          arallyn permalink

          Agreed-let’s use the forums more! Don’t scare away newcomers! I am much more of a fan of forums, but no one is over there *cry*

          *shoves people towards forum room*

          GO NOW OR I GET THE PRODDING IRON

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor The Vigorous permalink

          Go Ludd!
          (Is this how to be a Luddite?)

          Adores: 0
  32. 2009 November 9
    Meredith permalink

    May I say, holy crap guys…over 200 comments in one day.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      arallyn permalink

      Because you all hate forums so much πŸ™

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        There’s no one over there most of the time. The comments gets tons more traffic. Maybe if there was a daily “random post” in the forums, where you could just post whatever you felt like. Just have a new one every day.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Meredith permalink

          Lack of traffic is my reason for barely using the forums, although I will wholeheartedly support them if that is what our Supreme LLama Nun Web Boss asks. I’m one of the one’s who asked for forums in the first place, so I should probably use them a bit more.

          New daily goal: read and comment on forums!!!

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        develish1 permalink

        I visit the forums, In fact I’m in there now, it’s just that no-one else is πŸ™

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          I’m there every day πŸ˜›

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      JuneJenny permalink

      I thought the same thing, Meredith. 230 comments, that’s gotta be a record!

      Adores: 0
  33. 2009 November 9
    Ladycrim permalink

    I would actually be willing to give away my car … if it was old and no longer worth driving … and the Mythbusters wanted to take it and blow it up …

    Adores: 6
  34. 2009 November 9
    PapaSloth permalink

    Step 1: Commit vehicular Homicide
    Step 2: Give vehicle to asshat
    Step 3: Report vehicle stolen
    Step 4: PROFIT!!!1!

    Asshat: But honestly, officer, he just gave me the Mercedes Benz for free! It already had the cracked windshield and blood splotch on the bumper.
    Policeman: Oh really, he gave you a car for free, did he? Watch your head getting into the squad car.

    Adores: 9
    • 2009 November 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      Papasloth, if you’re trying to imitate the meme, step 4 is supposed to be “???” and 5 is “PROFIT!!!1!”
      πŸ˜‰

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9
        PapaSloth permalink

        A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
        -Ralph Waldo Emerson

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          If yer gonna quote a meme, at least do a good job of it.
          -Igor the Vigorous, 11/09/09

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9

          Igor, be nice to the commenters.
          -drmk, 11/09/09

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          I’m not trying to mean, but it’s so much fun to quote, innit?
          -Igor the Vigorous, 11/09/09

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9

          Seriously, Igor: trolls is as trolls does.

          Adores: 3
        • 2009 November 10
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Seriously, Isaac: I didn’t hear you since you didn’t make a quote. Hrmph!
          -Igor the Vigorous, 11/10/09

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          PapaSloth permalink

          @igor

          I’m sorry you didn’t like my comment. At SlothCo, we strive to provide only the freshest, most intertube-worthy comments made from only the finest, hand-grown, organic ingredients. Sadly, our Quality Assurance department has been wracked with layoffs, due to recent unfortunate economic conditions. Please return any unused portions to the manufacturer for a full refund, with our sincerest apologies, and please consider SlothCo for any future comment purchases.

          Sincerely,
          PapaSloth
          VP New Comment Development
          SlothCo

          Adores: 10
        • 2009 November 10
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Igor. Love. Sloth.
          Sloth. Love. Igor?

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 12

        It’s actually

        Step 1: Steal underpants
        Step 2: ???
        Step 3: PROFIT!!!!!

        It is the business plan of the gnomes in South Park’s Season 2, Episode 17

        Adores: 0
    • 2009 November 9
      ed snyder permalink

      Papasloth, there should be a Taser in there somewhere, too. Cops don’t like to do anything these days without tasing someone.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 November 9
        Igor the Vigorous permalink

        Don’t tase me, bro!
        AUUUUGGGHHHHH!

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 9

        Heh. Hold that thought for a couple of days.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          -Thinks this is an upcoming YsaC hint-
          -Feels happy-
          -Wags tail-

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          Meredith permalink

          Something good is coming, I can feel it.

          Spoiler alert…it involves a Taser.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 November 10
        PapaSloth permalink

        @ed snyder

        Well, of course, but seriously now… What aspect of life couldn’t be improved by the judicious use of a taser?

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 10
          sarajean80 permalink

          “What aspect of life couldn’t be improved by the judicious use of a taser?”

          That made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 November 10
          Lola permalink

          I want one for the subway. I’ve been groped entirely too often and too personally for it to be accidental. Men would think twice about that if they knew we were taser-totin’!

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 November 10
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Lola, I’m personally in favor of more than a taser, unless it’s clearly accidental.
          I’m leaning towards hamstringing…

          Adores: 0
  35. 2009 November 9

    wishful thinking i guess.

    Adores: 0
  36. 2009 November 10
    queensbee permalink

    no car for you, bad speller!

    Adores: 0
  37. 2009 November 10
    Windrose permalink

    Dang. Sorry I missed out on all this great commenting. Another good reason to think about retiring.

    Adores: 0
  38. 2009 November 11

    I sooo need a free Mercedes, what with my friends all owning Porsches.. Plus I need to sit by the phone in case Dialing for Dollars calls me. πŸ˜‰

    Adores: 0
  39. 2009 November 14

    I just really have got to read “The Secret,” apparently.

    Adores: 0

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