If there was EVER a post designed to receive the “This can only end badly” tag, it’s this one:
tazzer – $25
its a home made 1 butt dose the job real good. will aso make more if some 1 wants more. eazy to hide. call me @ ### ### #### jake
I’m not sure which would scare me more, someone who writes like this TRYING to build a tazer, or someone who writes like this SUCCEEDING.
Either way… yikes.
Thanks for the post, (and the title) Hope!
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I would rather not receive any butt dose, especially not one (1) that comes from a homemade tazzer.
Yikes!
Aww, man, beat me to it.
Why does this make me think of some redneck who saw a picture of one. “It duz tha job REEEEEAAAALLL GOOOOOOODDD!!!!”
Actually, the flash from a disposable camera does make a pretty decent taser, but I wouldn’t pay this guy $25 to do it for me, or trust his work.
I got the same image in my head as well… What I want to know is, who/what did he test it on to determine it worked? Also, I’d like to see his scale for how he measured success– where exactly does “real good” come in? Is it somewhere between “Wear ruber gluves, ‘cuz it stangs” and “Weeeeeeeeee dawgie!!!1!”
I say every tazer should come with a lens, if only to capture the look on your face when you realize you’ve just made one Soviet Russia joke too many as you fall to the ground in spasms of agony.
In Soviet Russia, butt tazzes you!
Hear Hear! The sooner that meme runs its course, the better.
Mmmm, a “home made 1 butt dose”. Just like Mama used to make.
I get all teary-eyed just thinkin’ about it.
1 butt dose…um no, thanks, it’s an exit, not an entrance
Only for the unenlightened like you…
1 butt = 2 hogsheads = 126 US gallons
That’s a buttload…
According to my brother, the measure of “a buttload,” depends on whose butt AND who’s loading it.
Usually I associate home made things with either housewives or little children. After viewing the picture however, I realize those are old man hands.
Hands of a man who should know better.
I wonder if this guy has posted these lovely handmade items on etsy.com? That is the perfect showcase for this level of craftsmanship.
And then it would be posted on Regretsy.com.
Wouldn’t that be more appropriate if he had knitted a tazer?
At Etsy you can probably find at least a knitted Taser cosy! And very possibly one shaped like a vagina (especially if the maker wants to be featured at Regretsy).
I only want the crocheted tazzer cozy with vaginal aspect if it is fashioned so I can hide the tazzer inside.
I like how he used a clear disposable camera case to hold this monstrosity. Maybe the people at Duracell will see it and use it in their next ads. I’ve often wanted to tazz that annoying pink bunny.
And mentioning that it’s “eazy” to hide makes me picture the idiot who would buy this bad idea sticking it in his pocket, it would stun him and then catch his pants on fire.
When you need to protect yourself with a homemade camera/taser, trust what the experts trust. Trust Duracell.
All I can think of (after a “butt dose” — thankyouforthinkingofme,but NO!) is what kind of creepy stalker/abductor guy will use this on someone. Easy to hide/pretend you are taking a picture of the stalkee, get real close, and then tazz them in the butt? WTH?
I mean, I know a couple guys who wanted to give me a butt dose, but it did not involve a “tazz.” (suggestively raises eyebrows)It was something else that ended in “z.” 🙂
Believe it or not, that thing is probably legit. A friend of mine jury-rigged one of those up back in high school and I can tell you from experience that it’ll shock the crap out of you. Why not cut out the middle-man and make one yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epaMq1vee_c
You’ve got the right idea… why pay for self-defense products when you can make them yourself? This inspires me to share my mom’s recipe for homemade Mace.
1/4 cup Off mosquito repellent (DeepWoods is best)
1 tsp Tabasco
2 tbsp LiquidPlumr
1 Camel or Lucky Strike (unfiltered), julienned
2 tbsp Britney Spears “Believe” perfume
pinch of Old Bay
1 cup Thai fish sauce
12 oz can Coke Zero
Puree in blender for 30 seconds. Don’t forget the goggles. Pour into old Clorox Spray-n-Wash bottle. Eazy to hide and works great and I really didn’t know that old lady was from the census bureau.
jeebus compass, that sounds dangerous as all get out. when I was a kid, my dad and I would make beer in the basement, so we had all kinds of bottling equipment. When I would get bored, me and the neighbor kid would find chemicals in the garage and mix them in the bottles and cap them. We’d come back and see what happened in a month.
One time we mixed Clorox and some early version of Kaboom cleaner. That was a horrible, horrible mistake.
When I was younger and stupider, I tried to make wine using bread yeast and a bottle of grape juice. I think the reasoning was, “Hey, they do it in prison.” I hid it in the clothes hamper, since I had to do my own laundry and Mom wouldn’t look there. I did not know then that you had to release the build-up of gases every single day. I did manage to get everything cleaned up before my parents started asking questions about why my dirty clothes were purple and smelled like sour juice.
http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000373.php
The whole “Dont eat it, Steve!” series is pretty funny, but this article on hootch is incredibly informative 😛
That was…wow.
The photo of the sock stuffed with moldy bread floating in juice…I think I gave myself an aneurysm trying not to laugh out loud.
I feel very sorry for his wife.
Oh, that recipe is awesome!! Need to run to Wally-World and pick up all the ingredients today – must mace the boss and a few other coworkers right away!
Just remember – don’t mention me, or YSaC, at the bail hearing. KTHNX
Thanks to Meg, I am not addicted to “Don’t Eat it, Steve!” I don’t think I’ll eat for a few weeks though after seeing the infected corn.
*truly LMAO*
lost_compass:
was that a pinch of Old Bay or Old Spice? And just a pinch?..really?…just a..?
sarajean:
when you were younger…”hey, they do it in prison”…??? I have to admit, when I was younger I had NO IDEA what “they do in prison”, let alone how they made Jesus Juice. I hope, hope, hope that when you said younger, you were referring to your late teens just before you moved out of mom’s house and had an oinochoe..er, hamper…of your very own..
I was about fourteen or fifteen I think, old enough to know better but young enough to try it anyway.
My parents never censored my reading material, (neither one is what you would call a big reader, so I learned about “adult stuff” pretty young.)I think I read a discription of the process in a book and wanted to see if it would work.
The same streak of curiosity led to me to short out one of the wall sockets in my bedroom when I was twelve. I stuffed a table lamp’s bulb socket with Juicy Fruit wrappers and turned it on.
If you’re curious, it makes a big blue flash that sets off the smoke alarm. Then the lamp and socket don’t work anymore.
It’s a freakin’ miracle I survived to adulthood.
Sarajean I was the same way when I was a kid. My mom got me a chemistry set that was meant for college age students, when I was 8… I managed to kill the entire front lawn and melt some plastic tupperware. I also had a habbit of leaving my mold experiments in odd places for people to stumble upon. My mom quickly learned to give me age appropriate science experiments which is how I learned to cook and bake.
Ewww how did my name get changed to meg? Damn computer moving saved data between websites…
i hear that Britney Spears “Believe” perfume is all you need to have to prevent attack. When you wear it they just decide not to attack you.
I have an old bottle of “Electric Youth” that repels even the most insistent criminals. Also works on skeeters, bears, and ex-boyfriends.
This recipe is just begging for a legal disclaimer. I can see the headline now: Inmate 7456310 New Owner of YSaC website and Everything That Used to Belong to Lost_Compass
hah, awesome~ a friend of mine made one, too, and that thing was PAINFUL.
thing is…he made it wrong so when it shocked me, it shocked him too! xD
Funny how fast karma works sometimes, especially if you’re not very good at electrical stuff.
He wanted to be an electrical engineer. He studied circuitry and everything. Then he failed miserably at making a taser.
I think he ended up being an art major. Poor guy. I think his confidence was crushed.
Sounds like every other art major I know.
It’s even more embarrassing the first time you’re electrocuted by a painting.
Ditto my friends in college. They work, strangely enough. Ours didn’t have the jazzy plastic case, though.
I’m sorry but I require 2 butt doses
Little junk in the trunk?
When you get all fired up in “attack mode” 1 butt dose may not be enough. Enough adrenaline can overcome butt dosing.
Actually, 5 butt doses is the doctor recommended amount.
5 butt doses is the recommended amount by 4 out of 5 doctors. The 5th doctor recommends you stay the f*** away from home made tazzers.
And the 4th doctor must be Ben Dover, M.D.
The 4th Doctor is Tom Baker. The 5th Doctor is Peter Davison.
p.s. i also gots a butt dose 2 home made potaytow lawnchair. will aso [is this japanese?] make more if some 1 wants more of deez. not so eazy 2 hide but make u poplar wit da’ laydeez! i supplie pvc pipe. u supplie spudz!
*sigh* Where’s Billy Mays when you need him? This guys got shit to sell people!
I had to read that twice (it hurt just as bad the second time) to figure out the lawnchair was a launcher. I thought you had discovered some new perversion using outdoor seating and tubers.
Ya, me too, on the lawnchair confusion. I was horribly disturbed by the image of being poplar with the laydeez because of your daily butt dose of tubers.
Ah sarajean and emsies, alas, apparently I’ve been visiting YS@C for too long. In my mind, “lawnchair” was a TOTALLY viable Craigslistian Suckalish term for “launcher”.
I honestly didn’t mean to scare anyone; merely follow a natural/unnatural progression.
Oh BTW, In Soviet Russia, lawnchairs butt dose YOU!
Oui, oui, mon chere. J’aime le po-tai-toe lawnchair.
*blink*
Were you just going Pepe Le Pew on me isaac?
I just think “lawnchair” sounds like “launcher” in a bad French accent.
I’m French! Why else would I have this outrageous accént, you silly king?
Isaac: Holy Grail for another win!
The lens is clearly to capture all of your tazzing moments and post them on Youtube. That’s what tazzers are for, right? For shocking yourself, your friends, your enemies, neighborhood squirrels, etc and then maybe winding up on Web Soup? What other purpose could there possibly be for tazzing sum1? I don’t know why all stun guns don’t come with a built in camera. Get with the times, weapons manufacturers!
That is simply brilliant! Patent it asap!
That way you can knock your would-be rapist/mugger/blind date on his ass, and then record the moment for your scrapbook.
I wonder if they could have them in the stores by Christmas?
I know what I’m asking Santa for!
Ooh! then we could have a new website! yousuckatfelonies.com
A butt dose with a tazzer? That would be an interesting experience sitting on his lap…
If CSI is to be believed (yeah right), law enforcement tasers have a built-in camera that takes a picture of the target when the taser is fired.
Oh! It’s eazy to hide is it, jake? Sure looks that way. Now, what’s say you hide it in that special place until I get to my phone to call you.
That’s the real butt dose.
I’m not buying it, jake. If you can’t even spell it correctly, how can I trust that you wired it properly?
Given that there appears to be a binder clip clearly visible, which I don’t think is approved for electrical use, I would say that’s a very real possibility.
That was one of my first thoughts as well. I’m pretty sure binder clips aren’t best used for something like this.
I think this also kind of deserves the “humanity is doomed” tag as well, you just know people are going to make these and go around shocking people and stopping their hearts. The pictures will be great though.
Or maybe a “Darwin Award Candidate” tag?
“1 butt dose” – my vote for today’s band name. First single (or album) is, of course, “Don’t tazz me, bro!” (TM dan).
I think that “1 Butt Dose” would be a better song name than band name. But “Don’t taze me, bro!” would be a great album name.
The band (1 Butt Dose or other name) could have their own dance. It would feature “tazz hands.”
For some reason, now that I have typed that, I have “Safety Dance” going through my head, edited to “You can tazz if you want to, we can leave your friends behind, because your friends don’t tazz and if they don’t tazz then they’re no friends of mine” …
The band name for that is probably Men Without Pants (although I’m pretty sure the Chili Peppers covered that ground ages ago).
I am so buying this! Everyone will think I merely have a disposable camera on me at all times. The random visible wires, binder clip, and lack of a flash bulb won’t tip them off at all. Totally legit.
Not to mention how popular disposable cameras are these days. All the kids have them. Perfect cover. Happy Tazzing!
See? and here’s where I was getting all excited with a cheap-o disposable camera. But noooooooo….
Although, with some of the earlier suggested hiding places…you could get REAL excited about this “disposable camera.”
I think I received a butt dose once of something.. it definitely left me jolted.
>.<
Everyone is reading this ad all wrong. The device is actually a camera that has been modified so that instead of taking pictures of random junk, it perfectly reproduces little Warner Brothers’ cyclonic devils.
Ed, Taz reference ftw! I was working on that all morning, and couldn’t come up with anything. Guess I need another butt dose.
I scanned the replies before I made mine and couldn’t believe no one had said something similar yet with such a witty bunch.
And another thing… since when did all stun guns become “Tazzers”? Tazer is a specific brand with a specific design. This… thing is clearly just a rip-off of the stun guns that were popular for “personal defense” in the late 80s/early 90s, in case some hoodlum wearing parachute pants tried to shake you down for your Walkman and Nikes.
Oh don’t ruin it and pull out the Technical jargon now Graham!
Tazer can’t even TOUCH the features on this gem. This 1 Butt Dose is like the Swiss Army Knife of Tazzers! (apologies to Zurich)
I’m just trying to figure out where you keep the toothpick….
On behalf of Zurich, apologies accepted, though they don’t actually make the Swiss army knives IN Zurich.
Well, my first inclination was Basel, but thought it was a bit obscure so I decided to take a stab at it [pun!] with the more recognizable city.
I knew a guy from Basel a few years ago and he was always sending me the more obscure versions of the knife that were hard to get here in the States. It was awesome since I was really into climbing and caving at the time and one even arrived right before I left for a dig in Cyprus. Come to think of it…Rolf was awesome!
*I shower homage on the Victorinox gods*
Hello, Graham? Did you not see the sign? Reality needs to be left at the door, and all disbelief suspended until you exit YSaC. Thank you.
Probably around the same time all tissues became “Kleenex”, adhesive bandages became “Band-Aids” and lip balm became “ChapStick”. Hell, some people are already referring to all mp3 players as “iPods”.
See?! Our society is spiralling hopelessly out of control.
Yeah…let’s tazz ’em all.
and let YSaC sort ’em out.
At first, I parsed Graham’s comment as “hoodlum-wearing parachute pants”, meaning that the parachute pants were wearing a hoodlum.
No, that would be the joke: In Soviet Russia parachute pants wear hoodlums.
Looks like this taser only takes photos.
Although if it does tase, I hope the flash still works.
Maybe it’s the next wave in smart phones: it phones, it takes photos, it plays music, it has internet access, and it’s a personal protection device!
Coming next year from Apple: iTaze!
(sarcastic) You should buy this quick! Not like airport security would think there is anything suspicious about this camera 😛
Yeah, I was thinking about that. Round about where I live, a semi-concealed homemade electrical device with random wires, binder clips and… and… stuff hanging out of it will get you a quick trip to a remote location for some lengthy, intense and probably “enhanced” conversation with serious young men with very short hair and dark sunglasses.
Actually, you can often buy disposable cameras from shops inside airport security. If you could get the right tools past security, you could make one of these at the airport.
I could see this being handy:
“Ma’am is that you darlin’ lil boy over there stomping on ketchup packets? Yeah?! Would you mind if I took his picture he is just adorable!”
:: Zap ::
Or when tourists ask me for directions on my way to work:
“Michigan Avenue, you say? Well, I’ll point you in the direction, but first you MUST let me get a picture of you two!”
:: Zap:: Zap::
If they could make it in the shape of a cell phone, you could slip it into the pockets of people who don’t turn off their phones in the theater.
Let’s see how loud and obnoxious they are with a fried tongue and severely impaired cognitive functions.
Maybe you all have commented on this, but I for one sure miss seeing Catherine Deneuve every day.
Noted.
& thanks for noticing; I didn’t realize anyone but me cared overly much. I don’t know how soon she’ll be back but it’s now my selected graphic.
It’s showing up in the Talk Among Yourselves section in the side bar. How very odd. How very, very odd. How very, very, very, very, very odd!
At work, it was showing up in the Talk column as CD, and on the thread as Seb. I thought that was odd too … but it was time to leave work and I wasn’t going to hang around and comment. Thanks, Windrose!
I like the kitty!
I’ll bring the kitty back from time to time. I have an extraordinarily couth one where he’s lying on his back, legs apart. His only other white spot is known as the fig leaf and you can see it. 😀 That’s my next choice.
Actually, I miss seeing the “real” Lola, and some of the other non-feline real faces around the comments. I don’t cotton to kitty convo.
I rather liked seeing people’s actual faces as well, but I’m also not overly comfortable having my real face on the net (even if I do post under a name that is not even remotely similar or connected to my “government name”), so if others prefer not to do so, it makes complete sense to me.
If I get a newer picture that I like, I might put it up for a while.
If you register several emails with Gravatar, you can switch back and forth without having to actually go to the site and change it. It also will only change the comments made when you used that email, instead of changing all of them.
I don’t believe it – a home made “tazzer” – that’s just shocking.
(comedy drum beat)
oh, I don’t know…currently, I get a charge out of the idea.