YSaC, Vol. 490: All hail the Dragon King.
Antique Asian Crying Dragon Chandelier – $1 (Airport)
This is a solid brass ANTIQUE ASIAN CRYING DRAGON CHANDELIER, Taking bids and to be shown (unofficially) at [location] Branch Library, [location] County Library system. Located at [location] library phone xxx-xxx-xxxx, staff has no info. I will be there, sitting at table. One will recognize me, as I will have brown cowboy boots with silver tips. I will wear a red shirt each day so folks will not have to walk around library looking under tables. LOL. Showing dates are Wednesday x/x/2009 3:10 to 6:57 pm. Also Thursday x/y/09 1:00 to 8:57 pm. I will be there until closing both dates. Viewers will be flying in to see piece, hence near airport. This is A ONE-OF-A-KIND BARGAIN. Bidding will end x/y/2009 @ 9:12 PM. Decision will be made. Description of Chandelier: The 4 dragon heads each have 2 eyes, each eye is crying, winking, open wide etc. Each Dragon head has, hmm, ok, three horns or maybe it is a Crown, DRAGON KING? The tongues are sticking out of dragon’s open mouth, tongue curled up at end. (Controlling flamed breath) The beauty is awesome. Detail and theme that the artist was declaring is best appreciated when holding in one’s own hands. This Piece is Wonderful, Magical, and Lucky to just simply touch. The ancient metal will send waves of vibrations through your body, which may just change your life. Handle this Dragon Head Piece yourself; I cannot describe it as good as your own fingers running over the Artist work. I reserve the right to inspect fingers, before touching. As surgical gloves are not necessary. (Standard handling procedures). You may email me [email address] seeing, touching is best. I have PROVENANCE back to a Railroad Worker’s Bunkhouse. Before that is ? If one is VERY good at Railroad/Asian History, circa 1905. I am good researcher (hence paralegal) all I found is Asian railroad workers sue for wages. Ok, come see for oneself. another email is [another email address]
So many questions, including: won’t people recognize you not because of your boots, or your red shirt, but rather because you’ll have a huge dragon chandelier on the table in front of you?
But look, everyone! Based on the only thing I can actually read from the red italicized text on the poorly-photographed images, the chandelier casts a shadow! That’s amazing! Only Asian-railroad-worker-provenance chandeliers can do that! [What? Oh, excuse me, I’m getting a message from the research department. What’s that? The ability to cast a shadow is not, in fact, restricted to Asian-railroad-worker-provenance chandeliers? Hmm. You’d think that our ‘good researcher’ would have picked up on that.]
Part of me really wants to sit in the library and watch this guy sit there waiting for the vast hordes of people he believes will be flooding the library to look at his Dragon King chandelier (and touch it, if he approves of their fingers). Part of me wonders if this thing is actually worth anything. And part of me really wants a cup of tea.
Thanks for the ad, Beau!
Ooops; I think that’s “hordes” of people.
Yup. Fixed. Thanks.
Crying, wide open AND winking. Wow, I need this wonderful dragon masterpiece.
I think mattel makes a doll that does this.
It also wets itself and calls you “Mama”.
I think this guy would do the same thing for the right price.
Snort.
I figured that the artist was simply trying to capture the essence of the dragon in the midst of a seizure. That is the only explanation I can come up with it being able to cry, wink with it’s eyes open wide and more all at the same time.
I saw this title, and knew I had to stop in and take a short break from my swallowing-all-of AC2-within-two weeks plan and say, “WHO CALLED ME?!”
/breathe fire
Burninating the countryside…
Burninating… The peasants. Burninating all the people in their THATCHED ROOF COTTAGEEEES!
Igor, Igor: Not Trogdor; Fhqwhgads. See below.
Does the bidding seriously start at a buck? Because I think this guy is going to do a lot of work to unload a lamp that will fetch him five bucks at most. He can sit in a library all day with surgical gloves waiting for people to come see this, but he can’t bring it to an appraiser?
And what kind of library will let him sit at a table all day with this great honking big lamp on the table in front of him?
He’d be better off going to the flea market and trying to trade it for some counterfeit Beanie Babies.
I think the library staff was probably taken by surprise (note the disclaimers: “unofficially” shown; the librarians “have no info”). Just a convenient, warm, FREE place to set up shop.
I have a feeling the “bidding” probably ended about 4 PM on Wednesday. On the curb outside the library. Right after the police officer said, “Let’s move it along, Bud. You and your little lamp, too.”
NO! It’s a big lamp! And it’s solid, not hollow.
Gee, I hope my finger passes inspection! I MUST touch the lamp! The dragon king compels me to TOUCH IT! Either that or a nice hot cuppa.
Just think, it would make a lovely perch for your feathered babies!
And if dirtied by their waste, you can probably discard it without qualms. Regardless of provenance.
The waste would improve it, in my opinion. Cover up those scary dragon-things.
True, my birdies could only improve it. I would be more concerned about what that magical vibe might do to them! Also lead poisoning would be a strong possibility. But I have to wonder, stalactites or stalagmites?
Remember, you might think stalagmites hang from the ceiling, but they don’t.
Just the thing for my Railroad Worker’s Bunkhouse/Dungeon! But sadly I am not good at Railroad/Asian History circa 1905, so he probably won’t sell it to me. And I really wanted the Wonderful, Magical, and Lucky to just simply touch Piece of …
I do have a finger he can inspect, I’m sure he’s seen lots of them in his lifetime.
Sometimes they make it too easy.
So much, so much… Where to start?
With the first part of the first sentence I guess. This is a solid brass ANTIQUE ASIAN CRYING DRAGON CHANDELIER, Taking bids and to be shown
OK, I am impressed. I have never, ever, ever seen a chandelier taking bids, let alone a solid brass antique Asian crying dragon one taking bids. It’s worth going to the library and looking for the dude in the red shirt and the silver-tipped cowboy boots just to see that.
The next thing that grabbed my attention is the adjectivorrhea. Anyone else out there do any ESL or EFL teaching? Remember those units on adjective order in English? (Example.) This guy’s got it down!
The authoritative explanation of “controlling flaming breath” to explain the turned-up tongue. I suppose, but he just looks thirsty to me.
There’s more, but I need to go out in the fresh air and look at my flower garden right now. My eyes are complaining.
Oh, one more thing – I’m kind of disappointed at the three horns, to tell the truth. It looks more like the king of the billy goats than the dragon king. Poop. Guess I won’t buy it after all.
I was more impressed with his assertion that people would be FLYING in to see it. But then again, the economy is so good right now I’m sure loads of people would be willing to spring $300 for round trip air fare in order to be privilaged enough to see this piece. I can see the conversation on the plane now now:
“Are you flying home or going on a trip?”
“KING DRAGON!”
*Rings call button* “Stewardess, can I have a different seat?”
Maybe he meant the little people he sees in the park would be flying over to see it.
If I had a dime for every time some creepy guy has invited me to change my life by touching his Magical hanging fixture…
Yeah, they always say they have Lucky vibrations which may just change your life, but then they never call you.
“Handle this Dragon Head Piece yourself”
No thanks, I think I’ll find the guy who was selling the 10-foot pole the other day (aka the “basketball goal”), and specifically not touch it with that.
I feel like this guy took something to “Antiques Roadshow” and got a decent appraisal, but instead of doing the smart thing and selling it to a reputable antiques dealer who won’t rip him off too badly is instead thinking he’s going to be smart and cut out the middleman – just think of all the money he’ll save from the top bid if he doesn’t have to pay commission.
I’ve got 67 cents and a little flexi-barette in my pocket. That’s my bid.
I’m so conflicted. Worship the Dragon King or worship the Hypno-Dogs?
There’s no conflict of interests there, Ed. Just obey the Hypno-Dogs, but worship the Drag–ALL HAIL THE HYPNO-DOGS.
In Soviet Russia, citizen Dragon King and Citizens HYPNO-DOGS are exactly like you and m–ALL HAIL THE HYPNO-DOGS.
I think the Hypno Dogs sit at either side of the throne of the Dragon King.
Gotta hire an artist off CL to whip that up on a tapestry for me.
You mean it hasn’t already been featured on Regretsy?
Lemme check, it’s on my scheduled daily web route.
Let’s see….woman touching herself inappropriately with mittens on….giant condom pillow….old lady dressed as fairy….nope, no hypno dogs and dragon king.
thanks for that Meredith,
now if anyone wants me, I’ll just be over in the corner, shuddering slightly at the mental imagery.
If you rub the chandelier three times, the spirit of an underpaid immigrant railroad worker will emerge from it and give you three wishes, as long as those wishes involve building railroads, creating chop suey, or demanding an apology for early twentieth-century American imperialism. Or possibly wandering the American West and seeking kung fu justice while being played by David Carradine.
Let’s not forget the apology for Mickey Rooney’s character in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Oh, was that out of line? I didn’t see anything strange about it.
Oh wait, now that I go back and look, that is totally horrible. They are totally making fun of people with glasses! They should be ashamed!!!
Grasshopper! You forgot the part about the fireworks, gun powder and Hai Karate cologne.
Why do I suddenly feel compelled to skip the airport rendezvous and zap some Orvilles and settle in for a long session of Richard Chamberlain in Shogun instead?
Shh, the Calgon commercial’s on now. “How do you get shirts so clean, Mr. Lee?”
“My husband, some hotshot, uses ‘ancient Chinese secret’ Calgon.” I haven’t seen those ads in at least 25 years and can still remember the dialogue.
Thanks, Princess, for the trip down memory lane!
Also thanks to Mudslicker – Hai Karate! My eyes water at the remembrance!
Canoe cologne [for Men–of course] by Dana trumps Hai Karate (which ain’t sayin’ much)!
“Canoe…canoe..makes you smell like wet birch bark and slimy aluminum”
Yes, but aren’t they both trumped by Brut?
When I was a kid I always wondered my mother never let me buy that for my father as a gift.
I don’t wonder any more.
Oh, Lola, have you forgotten Drakar Noir??? Or my all time fave…Stetson….shudder.
Meredith,
The combined smells of Drakkar Noir and cigarette smoke always brings back college memories … it was unfortunately very popular at that time.
I think my dad still has a flacon of Stetson moldering away in the bathroom cabinet. Not worn that much, thankfully.
Sadly, I actually *like* the scent of English Leather (the first boy I dated who wore aftershave wore it) and it brings back such sweet, silly memories…erm.
Now back to my regularly scheduled middle age.
Alas.
Drakkar … I’m actually allergic to that stupid cologne, and it sounds like we were in college at the same time, because I swear guys used to drown themselves in it before they went out to the bars. It was a good excuse to not have to go to that type of bar, though!
Dan just smells like his fresh emu/ostrich self, and that works for me.
When I smell “Polo” I still have brain seizures >.<
Placing it on its side next to an empty milk jug adds just the right amount of class it needs.
I couldn’t decide if it was an empty milk jug or an empty water jug and I’m not sure which is classier.
Very true.
I’m not nearly as classy though. I would have used a 6 pack of beer, a 2 litre bottle, or a dead opossum. Because, you know, I have all those things on my porch already. Well, except for the beer.
But dead ‘possums can differ in size, especially if they have been out in the sun for a while before you got them off the side of the road.
Stop, y’all are makin me hongry.
SHUT UP, the milk jug has PROVENANCE!!! I can date it back to an early 80’s Food Lion. It sat there on the shelf, then was bought by a dehydrated hobo. He drank RIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE.
If you show me your fingers, I might let you touch it.
(and there goes the most unplanned dirty sentence of the day)
“If one is VERY good at Railroad/Asian History, circa 1905. I am good researcher (hence paralegal) all I found is Asian railroad workers sue for wages” – I just did a quick Google search I found much more than “Asian railroad workers sue for wages.” It came up with 3,790 results. I really don’t want to know what law firm would hire such a “good researcher.”
On a side not the Llama-nun should be happy to know that YSaC was the first result.
YSaC comes up for a lot of the random searches I do. This site is like the god of random searches. It must be the work of the Hypno-Dogs. ALL HAIL HYPNO-DOGS!
Hence Paralegal would totally kick ass as a band name. Now opening for Condom Flotsam.
BRA-vo.
There are paralegals who are smarter and more competent than the lawyers for whom they work, and then there are ones who make me homicidal (like when they try to make me to their busy work; spreadsheets are not the library’s job, honey). If this guy really is a paralegal, then he’s the latter kind. I’m willing to bet he doesn’t even have a paralegal certificate; he probably ran the copy machine at a 2-guy ambulance-chasing firm.
/professional snobbery
Looking at all those commercials for online courses… I’d hazard a guess that the second kind is getting more common and the first kind harder to find.
I think he’s confused, he means parasail.
“This Piece is Wonderful, Magical, and Lucky to just simply touch. The ancient metal will send waves of vibrations through your body, which may just change your life. Handle this Dragon Head Piece yourself; I cannot describe it as good as your own fingers running over the Artist work. I reserve the right to inspect fingers, before touching. As surgical gloves are not necessary. (Standard handling procedures). You may email me [email address] seeing, touching is best.”
Uh, are we sure this isn’t an ad for a sexual encounter?
It seems pretty obscure for that, even for CraisgList. Most of the “special services” are fairly easy to decode.
If it is, then at least he’s honest;
“…I cannot describe it as good…”
Well, I know standards for handling art and antiques and never have I been told that “gloves aren’t required” and that “touching is better than seeing”… Just seems like something a street walker might say.
Touching is ALWAYS better than seeing.
Meredith, what about in the dark? Or if you’ve been … imbibing and are not sure of your company?* ALWAYS?
*Not that this has ever happened to me before or anything.
What gets me is that he’s showing it at the library “unofficially”, and the staff know nothing about this. I’m picturing someone lurking at the back of the stacks, wearing a cowboy costume and trench coat, saying “Psst! Wanna buy a chandelier? Wanna touch the dragon?”
I think saying “Wanna touch the dragon?” would result in a quick trip to the hoosgow. Especially if he’s got on a trenchcoat.
Hoosgow is such a great word.
Hoosegow, rather improbably, comes into English from Spanish.
Juzgado, pronounced sort of like “hoose-gah-though,” means a tribunal. It comes from the word for to judge.
ahhh…etymology. I think I’m in love…
He used the word omphalis one time and I got all swooney.
That made me go all tingly.
am I going to have to get my dictionary out again?
This is why I keep a dictionary next to my desk.
The American Heritage is like a Spanish fly around these parts.
Not to be pedantic, but isn’t it just “spanish fly,” not a spanish fly?
*swoons*
Now look what you did Lola. We’re going to have to step over him now for at least half an hour I imagine
I think it depends on context. There is the Spanish fly, a species of blister beetle, and then there is spanish fly, the aphrodisiac. (prepared with ground up blister beetles)
etymology + entomology = FTW
*re-swoons*
oh dear, he’s gone again. Can someone please fetch a bucket of water?
I love the time frame, too. Showings have to stop at 6:57, and 8:57. Because he needs three minutes to pack up his solid, gold-colored, gallon milk jug-sized dragon chandelier which may or may not be winking or crying, spouting horns or a crown.
He doesn’t mention a bodyguard, which is sadly lacking. However, maybe one (or all) of the librarians will volunteer for that job.
At first, I was so befuddled by the (Airport) in the title that I couldn’t focus on much else about this mess. However, as soon as I realized the author was simply a crackpot, I moved on and became uncomfortably aware that this guy is quite possibly in love with his chandelier.
Full disclosure ending:
“Lucky winning bidder may wish to autoclave the magical dragon king chandelier before use because I have had several magical sexual encounters with it.”
The little bit in parens in craigslist ads is usually reserved for the seller’s location. So apparently the town town has set up an all-in-one library/airport/auction house.
Oh, now it all makes sense!
Well, not really.
Two words:
“Eww” and “Ouch”
Also: “Ick”
I wonder if the librarians there bother shushing the patrons if the planes are flying over; I think that noise would drown out one’s ability to think.
Lola: I hope it also drowns out the sound of him starting the bidding:
“Now, we have the item you have all been waiting for…the Dragon King. You’ve all seen it, you’ve all touched it, you’ve all felt it’s magical vibrations flowing through you. It needs no more introduction, so let’s start the bidding off at one. One one one do I get one one one can I get one dollar one dollar one dollar anyone with one dollar one dollar one dollar just ONE dollar one dollar one dollar….”
I like to picture this taking place in the children’s section at one of the tiny, brightly colored tables they have there. Maybe little Tommy will get his mommy a great Christmas present on the cheap.
p.s. Why isn’t “children’s” a word??? Neither is “childrens” acknowledged.
Of course children’s is a word. It works the same as men’s or women’s. Don’t trust every red underline you see.
It wanted me to use “children s”. Of COURSE, how could I forget that “s” is a word unto itself there???
My spellchecker is on crack.
Those Dragon Kings look rather sickly.
And I’m convinced that those ‘waves of vibrations’ going through your body when you touch the ‘ancient metal’ are actually due to faulty wiring.
Maybe it’s an early-twentieth-century homemade tazzer. Looks a little unwieldy for the 1 butt dose, though.
well when it comes to “controlling flaming breath” I thought they looked like they were throwing up
And perhaps he ? If one is VERY good at Deciphering/ You Suck at Craiglist, circa 2009. I am good commenter (hence funny) all I found is Craigslist advertisers suck at English language. Ok, come read for oneself.
I’m not sure about this magical/horny dragon king description. It looks like more of a vomiting duck king to me.
The “winking” is probably a result of the duck’s roommate opening the bathroom door and turning on the light, causing the duck to squint up at him from where he is emptying his stomach into the toilet.
“Vomiting Duck Kings” would be a great name for a metal band!
Sounds more like a skapunk band to me.
Emesis, I was totally thinking the same thing…at the very least it looks like a VERY ill dragon.
Especially if it suffers from Emesis.
Best typo ever.
Whoa. I had to look that up, since I am not smart like you. I think a name change is in order. Especially since that rat, Emsy, came on the scene.
hehehe I’ve been reading your name as “Emesis” since you started commenting here. I had to look again just now to realize I was incorrect.
Isn’t there some sort of Atari dragon/duck sprite that crops up on Homestar Runner occasionally?
Ah, yes, indeed. Meme memory has not failed me. Here it is.
That is no duck dragon….you speak of TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR!!!
And now I kind of want this fixture…who wouldn’t want a Trogdor light????
Nah, it’s the other, less awesome, Homestar dragon that appears in videogames. (See the link in my comment.)
ha ha. I forgot about that dragon/duck….seahorse????
And here I thought Puff [that mighty dragon] merely slipped into his cave. Who would have known?
Provenance: a Land called Honah Lee.
BTW, the plastic milk jug to show scale is so cutting-edge classy! I’d have used Mt. Rushmore.
*Pulls out his folk guitar*
Touch the magic dragon
Down by the sea
You’ll need to have your fingers checked
By a guy who smells like pee.
The bonny milk jug
Loves to touch him so
And covers him with Ceiling wax
Then out to sea they’ll row.
Touch the magic dragon
Down by the sea
You’ll feel dirty when your finger’s checked
By the guy who smells like pee.
I really can’t decide if you have an amazing mind, or just too much time on your hands. Either way, I like it *chuckle*
I think it’s new baby sleep deprivation.
And he’s a freakin’ genius.
I had considered doing the full length of the song, then realized that would have been way more creepy than amusing.
you could be right there
Then again, the story of the love affair between the milk jug and the magic dragon (chandelier) that I had planned may be worth writting and posting somewhere. If only I could get the forum to work.
it wont work?
Whever I enter in information into the two boxes to create an accout it tells me that I need to fill out both boxes. I do so and it tells me to fill out both boxes. I do so…
So yeah, not working correctly.
how odd, hopefully our Llama nun will be able to check it out for you later. Have you tried emailing her?
It did the same thing when I tried to sign up. The llama nun fixed it right up!
It seems to be working now all of a sudden. I think the Llama nun may be working in the background.
All hail the Llama-nun Queen!
(and Her Prince-Consort, the Ostrimu)
I always wondered what he was, an Ostrimu you say? Interesting
I can’t teel if Dan’s an ostrich or an emu, so;
Ostrich + Emu = Ostrimu
“All hail the Llama-nun Queen!
(and Her Prince-Consort, the Ostrimu)”
Oh jeebus, that made me laugh so hard my abs hurt. Then again, my abs hurt anyway. Stupid abs exercises …
No, no no!…that’s SEALING WAX!!!
*used by professional surfers everywhere*
Are you an archaeologist?
…or was that professional seals?
@Graham:
I received a degree in Classical Studies in Art & Archaeology. I’m not arch-ing but currently working in a university Fine Arts department.
As in, “Brah, I almost got eaten by a Great White shark ‘cuz I was sealing so much.”
@mudslicker — Thanks for the clarification. You mentioned “going on a dig” in another post so I was just wondering. I return you now to your regularly scheduled postings…
For the record, I did know it was sealing wax in the original song. However, I thought it would be nice to tip my hat to the 4 decades of kids who asked the question, “What the heck is Ceiling Wax?”.
I was one of them.
..and I knew that you knew. I was just being ornery and wanted to beat a dead horse.
*wink wink*
I suspected that you knew that I knew. But now I know that you knew that I knew. So the question becomes… do you know that I know that you knew that I knew?
From here things start to get a bit hazy. I think I’ll pour myself a Gaggin Dragon.
If you’re read this the way I wrote it (with an innocent mind) go back and read it as if “Magic Dragon” was a euphamism.
I can’t stop giggling now.
“*Pulls out his folk guitar*”
tacomagic, how is a folk guitar different from a regular, acoustic guitar? Or is it?
A folk guitar is to a regular guitar is as a salad fork is to a regular fork.
I just had a flashback to the SATs.
I get the analogy, and now it makes sense. I did not know that was what that was.
“Smaller guitar” was my name for it.
I was one of those “what is ceiling wax?” kids, except that I never asked, b/c it made perfect sense to me.
When I read this, I thought, “No, you should have intentionally mistaken it for ‘sealing wax’!” I had to think about it for a minute to realize that “ceiling wax” was in fact the intentional mistake. So, bravo!
Had to keep this post open in one window and refer back to it, there was so much I wanted to comment on.
1) “library phone xxx-xxx-xxxx, staff has no info”
—“Go ahead, give ’em a call. They don’t know jack shit about this, but ring up if you get bored. People LOVE when someone gives out their number to everyone, especially for something they know nothing about.”
2)”I will be there, sitting at table. One will recognize me, as I will have brown cowboy boots with silver tips. I will wear a red shirt each day so folks will not have to walk around library looking under tables. LOL.”
—“Only One will recognize me…the ONE. Oh, and don’t worry about looking for my well described boots. I sent out a memo a few weeks ago asking that today be designated as MY Red Shirt Day. No one else will be wearing one, trust me. Oh, and if by chance they are…I’m the one carrying the BRONZE dragon light…not the PEWTER dragon light, the BRONZE one.
3) “Showing dates are Wednesday x/x/2009 3:10 to 6:57 pm. Also Thursday x/y/09 1:00 to 8:57 pm”
—“Yes, I will be sitting there on Thursday for almost 8 straight hours. I’m SURE no one will say anything it…I’ll bring cookies just in case.”
4)”Detail and theme that the artist was declaring is best appreciated when holding in one’s own hands”
—“It’s meant to be carried around. Best if you don’t try to plug it in or use it. But hey…TOUCH it. HOLD it. Just let me inspect your fingers first.”
5)”As surgical gloves are not necessary.”
—“Is a great name for a band…but it’s mine already. Don’t try to steal it.”
6) “(Standard handling procedures).”
—“So it this. It’s my second band’s name. Don’t take it, either”.
7) ” seeing, touching is best.”
—“This is my third band’s name. We only play church functions…again..no stealing.”
8)”Before that is ? If one is VERY good at Railroad/Asian History, circa 1905.”
—Here, he seems to be saying that before 1905, the world was a mass of chaos and confusion. It is “?”….so profound.
That’s all from me today, I think. I get on a roll sometimes.
“It’s meant to be carried around.”
You could get the “basketball goal” from earlier and attach it to the end. Then you would have a real kick-ass mace, if you could not find all the ingredients for lost_compass’s recipe.
Maybe this is part of a quest from an old computer game.
“I’ve GOT the dragon lamp. Now I must travel to the ice world and find the Phoenix candle sconces. Then I must go to the jungle world and pick up the last piece…the lion pictures.”
Boy, isn’t HE in for a surprise when he get’s to the jungle world….
Not. A. Lion.
The rub I have with this chandelier is it’s not very Eastern looking at all; looks like something you’d find from in Western lore, and if I’d really want to step out on a limb, I’d guess Northern Europe. For that dragon head looks very familiar to dragons I’ve seen in European heraldry.
But hey, what do I know, right? LOL
agreed, it does look much more like the kind of thing you’d see on a coat of arms with that crown it’s wearing.
And the crown is definately circa 1972 Burger King.
Oh, yes! Thank you, gentle poster. I was too afraid of sounding pedantic to comment on the obviously European pedigree of these dragons (I did a research paper on animals in Christian art in college). The tongues lolling out of animals’ mouths are signs of submission — you usually see dragons or lions bending their heads’ down to a monarch’s foot — or in the ancient picture of Gilgamesh they are being held out while they display their tongues.
Oriential/Chinese dragons don’t do that, any more than they cry, wink, etc.
The crowns are a giveaway too. Not that it matters. No self-respecting medieval Christian would spend an ecu on this strange looking thing. But thank you for the chance to pontificate.
Innana,
This place is full of pedants (see etomological/entomological discussion above). Please feel welcome to inform away! 🙂
*etymological
Makes me think of these —
http://cd7.e2bn.net/e2bn/leas/c99/schools/cd7/website/images/VikingShipFigurehead.jpg
“Bidding ended at 9:12 PM. A decision was made.”
“But my flight was delayed.”
“Decision has been made!”
“But it’s only 9:14pm”
“Decision made!”
“I just flew in from Hong Kong. I must return with this chandelier or face certain death…”
“Show me fingers.”
Dramatic pause while fingers are examined…
“Fingers not worthy. No chandelier for you! Decision made!”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!”
Okay, so in the picture of the hanging chandelier, the dragons are at the very top, right? So what’s all that other jazz around the bottom?
And those dragons appear to be gagging, more than anything else. Gagging Dragons … now THERE’S a band name.
Ohh, I like that one! Gagging Dragons…it sounds sort of dirty.
Or like a shot.
The Gaggin Dragon:
1 part Aftershock
1 part Goldschlagers
1 part Sailor Jerry Rum
Red Hot candies.
Place 3 Red Hots in glass. Layer ingredients in glass. Light on fire. Shoot it, throwing the Red Hots down your throat as you do.
I think I’ll try that one this weekend. I’ll let you know if it has the desired effect.
Is the “desired effect” having your digestive system explode? Meredith, it sounds like you’ve done this before.
Nope, made it up on the fly. Just tried to think of things that’d burn the mouth going in, sear the throat going down, and singe the stomach. Oh, and the Red Hots are for that nice “gaggin” effect….cause that’s what you’ll be doing when those little buggers hit the back of your throat!
Hmmm, my husband once said the reason he liked to drink Ouzo was that it tasted almost as good going up as it did going down. I wonder if that would be true with the Gaggin’ Dragon?
Ugh. That would have me on the floor before the porcelain altar so fast, there’d be two of me for a picosecond.
It might just be the infrequent-shots-drinker in me, but wouldn’t drinking flaming liquor hurt?
Probably not any more than that concoction already does by itself.
first album to be called “inspect fingers before touching” perhaps?
Particularly appropriate for the Gagging Dragons.
I’d have to make sure it’s one of a kind. I wouldn’t want my dragon chandelier to be a mass produced item.
OR MAYBE I WOULD..
I’ll take 3. 🙂
You’re sending them out as Christmas gifts aren’t you? Please, please, for the love of all things, don’t send me one, I beg you.
Oh I’m gonna.
Gaggin Dragon’s are the new coal.
dammit, Misplaced Apostrophe strikes again!
I need a cigarette after reading that description.
I’ve just pictured your cat avatar smoking.
He appears rather suave.
Don’t just imagine it Lola. That’s why Photoshop was created.
tacomagic, I’m photoshop challenged and not even good enough to be laughably bad at it. I’m still stuck on low-tech “using my imagination.”
So how does that seperate you from most people who use photoshop?
Oh snap. The photoshopping masses just got told.
No … I meant I have to picture it in my head only and can’t share it! Anyone who can competently* photoshop is better at it than I am.
*anyone who actually knows how to use the program
If you add round glasses, the little beard makes him look like a beatnik.
Oooh, oooh, or just draw a little beret between his ears!
Cosmic!
Hmmm – looks like we have a candidate for a Kitler right here:
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl
I pictured a monocle. And the cig was held by a long holder. He looks so dapper to me.
LOL you guys are cracking me up! One the one hand – my cat is a girl not a boy, on the other hand – I have Photoshop and I know how to use it!
If you add round glasses, the little beard makes him look like a beatnik.
or our stud-monk I/isaac.
Decision will be made. I love that. So many things are running through my head about what decision, exactly, will be made. That there will be a buyer? That he’ll sell it? That he’s really selling this thing for $1? Why- because he couldn’t GIVE it away? And yes, the milk jug just sealed the deal for me. That and the out of focus pictures.
AWFUL PUN ALERT:
This guy plans on sitting in the library for 2 days solid……
“I am good researcher” – the EUROPEAN style of the chandelier would indicate you are a liar……..
He is planning on holding his unofficial auction within a library whilst keeping the staff there completely in the dark….
sooooooooo:
SLOUCHING LIAR HIDDEN DRAGON……Chandelier.
Thanks for the warning, Mrphysic.
The Dragons aren’t the only ones crying after reading the post.
Ummmmm, another day….and again a severe lack of Igor-ness. What IS that boy doing???
Oh, what was that? I don’t understand. What did you call it? …..What is this “life” thing you say he has??? I’m confused.
Alright, let’s try this again. Trying to change my picture.
why won’t it WORK???
It’s changed now. Takes time. It felt like it took two days to get the baby marmoset on here. Maybe it has to do with server caches or something else about which I am woefully ignorant.
But it’s changed now.
And who is she?
Yes, do tell who your new aspirational representation is (at least, that’s who Mlle Deneuve is for me). At first I wanted to say Rita Hayworth, but it’s just small enough I’m not sure.
*rubs screen*
My screen needs dusting.
It’s my favorite actress, Deanna Durbin. She was an amazingly talented opera singer from a young age, and went into acting around 10 or so. She was the highest paid actress of her time…and then she just gave it up and walked away…at age 27.
It doesn’t hurt that I’ve been told I hold a resemblance. Doesn’t hurt at alllllll….
Would Aspirational Representation be a good name for a band?
I don’t even know how to change my picture in the first place….
Come, join the forums, where enlightenment awaits! Log in now! Register now! The hypno-dogs compel you!
God bless the hypno-dogs!
Finally.
Sometimes it takes a little while. Patience, my dear … patience!
I know not this word “patience”…what means it???
Hola DRMK, How do I upload a picture for my profile? Am I missing the obvious?
Go to gravatar and upload a picture, and link it to an email address. When you comment here, put in that email address. The picture should show up.
ok, I admit it,
boredom and insomnia can drive a person to google. As a result, I’ve just spent about half an hour looking at dragon pictures, and the closest I could find design-wise to this, this, (oh lets just leave it at thing shall we?) are these two
House of Vere Crest
Carmarthen Council crest
both of which are definitely not even remotely Asian in origin
“Asian” railroad workers, huh? Does he think he’s going to get busted by the PC Police if he says “Chinese”? Because it’s really not offensive to call Chinese people Chinese, last I checked.
and here was I thinking that if I was permitted to rub the dragon lamp I’d release the genie within and be granted all my wishes and marry the prince ….so much easier and more hygenic than kissing frogs…..goodbye Craigslist and back to Grimm’s Fairy Tales and childhood fantasies.
Asian dragons don’t breathe fire. They are water creatures (mostly) and have whiskers like a catfish. This is what I remember from goodness knows what sources. Wikipedia has lots more under “Chinese dragon.” It looks like the seller here, while looking up railroad workers, somehow missed looking up dragons.
This chandelier cannot be handled by un-inspected fingers, but it CAN be balanced precariously on a cement ledge next to a gallon of water. It is THAT VALUABLE!
ah but don’t forget, he knows where that ledge and contained have been. Hopefully he doesn’t know where your fingers have been. Or does he?
* wanders off to eat another brownie*
These are not Chinese dragons, maybe something from Europe, but definitely not Asian.
“I will wear a red shirt each day so folks will not have to walk around library looking under tables. LOL.”
Everyone knows that if you’re not wearing a proper red shirt, you’ll just have to hide yourself under tables in shame. It is good to know that he thought this through. However, someone buying this hideous junk might actually prefer that the transaction be done under the table.