YSaC, Vol. 496: I think I need a little more information first.
Babbysitter needed
I am looking for a wonderful person to help out our family. There are actually two types of “help” that I am seeking, and maybe both types are of interest to you and maybe just the one.If you’re interested, please e-mail. Let me know if you’re applying for the first position, the second, or both. Please tell me a little bit about yourself and your experience with kids. Thanks in advance for taking the time to respond to the post.
So, if you’re like me, when you read this, the first thing that comes to your mind is, “How is babby formed?”. But the second thing that comes to mind is, “I wonder what the second kind of “help” is and why it requires quotation marks?” And then your brain goes here, and here, and then you have to go take a long, hot shower.
And then, there’s this:
Need to find a ‘dishonest’ person
I need a dishonest person to help me pull off something. There is nothing illegal about what I’m doing, but it requires some strong will and a strong face.
E-mail me ([emaildeleted]) or AIM me (s/n [deleted]) for more details.
Squee actually took one for the team and emailed this person to find out what was going on. Sadly, there was no reply, so we will never know what the something was. The mind boggles.
maybe it is just me, too. i need a “bath” now. and my face isnt strong enough.
shudder.
“How is babby formed?” happens to be the first thing I thought of as well.
Me too. It was going to be my comment and it was going to be so awesome.
Dang! I was really looking forward to reading that, Emsy!
Alas, it was just not meant to be.
Okay, the “babbysitter” ad, I have no idea. But the other one is obvious. Someone got a bargain, back-alley face-lift and needs help to “pull off” the bandages. The “strong will” is necessary for steeling oneself from what may be underneath the bandages, and the “strong face” is needed so as not to betray one’s emotions after seeing the horribly botched job that was undoubtedly performed. As for being “dishonest”, well, afterwards you are required to tell him how good he looks.
No? Well then I got nothing.
The first poster needs professional “help”, and lots of it.
The second post has a creepy “it fell of a truck” sort of quality.
I feel icky after reading that first one, and guess what?! I’m on my way to my job, where I babysit, for the next 11 hours. This ad is going to haunt me all day, I won’t be able to stop wondering what this special kind of help is.
I think the extra help involves a hidden camera and a jug of petroleum jelly.
You can’t unthink something no matter how hard you try.
I so did not want or need that image put in my head.
A pox upon your house, tacomagic.
The image I came away from tm’s comment with involved putting the petroleum jelly ON the hidden camera.
Ahem.
Well, my brain was poisoned and I couldn’t be the only one. Misery loves company.
Why, oh why, do I picture an adult “babby” when reading the first ad? I must scrub away these mental pictures. Luckily, today is the day I normally wash my brain, so I shouldn’t need to do it twice this week.
Can you recommend a new shampoo, Kelli?
Clorox-ipital ain’t working any more. I’ve been having black-Spidey-suit flashbacks all week.
Cerebro-glow will help get out those stubborn brain stains! Just remember to use the delicate cycle and tumble dry.
Adult “babby” mental picture here, too.
*gets in line for boiling bleach shower*
I’m interested, but only in the first position. What is it?
Isn’t it obvious? They need someone to stand in ballet’s first position.
“In the first position, the heels are together, with toes turned out until the feet are in a straight line. In the second position, the feet are in a parallel line, separated by a distance of about 12 inches (30 cm) and both turned outward, with the weight equally divided between them”
Oh. I don’t think I could do that long enough to justify making the commute. Never mind.
I can’t get my feet to twist like that. My joints make a popping sound like ice in a glass of warm soda pop.
Darn, and I was looking forward to sitting on the Babby.
I’m confused. Is the first type of help “babby”, and the second type “sitter”? I could probably be the “sitter”, since I am a wonderful person and a highly qualified Couch Coach. Unfortunately, I’m not sure about the “babby” part, since my workplace Naughtiness Filter blocked me from the Babby link. 🙁
I really want to send them this:
“Much experience have I with “babby”. Have degree of education of higher in “babby”. So much for “first” “position”! HA!! Am also familiar with “second” “position”. Sadly, “second” is illegal in states numbering 14 and all US territories which are neither “States” nor “United”, but I am guilty of much “digression”.
To sum up, “babby” I can handle with much greatness, “second” “position” I can “handle” with much “grace”, but little “dignity” due to use of “mayonnaise”. Call me! We “talk!””
I believe I have now gone into innuendo shock. All further conversations must be straight forward and direct otherwise I can not be held responsible for any miscommunications resulting in unintentional injury.
My brain started bleeding before I got to the second “paragraph”.
Im going to go have a nice snack of this yummy rat poison I found under the sink now.
CKoi, I wanted to vote for you a few more times, but the site won’t let me. I’m almost afraid to find out if you really talk like that in person.
Obsequiously much thanking of you with many gratitude and much happy. “Happy” but no spitting. Never spitting except for the fullness of the moon. MUCH spitting then at rising of tides and wettitude for even bigger happy than your comment of kindness whose greatness only eclipsed by fullness of moon. And spitting. No spitting now, though.
In other words, only when the doctor-ordered drugs wear off.
… and after making of chicken water.
Put the two ads together, and you have the plot for Vin Diesel’s latest movie.
Vin Diesel movies have plots???
Hey all, I am back from having babby! My mental capacity is greatly diminished from lack of sleep, but here I am. This post has given me endless ideas in regard to hiring a sitter, too! So helpful you are, YSAC.
So, Heather, maybe *you* can tell us, now that you have one – how *is* babby formed?
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
The first 20 minutes to an hour involve various meats and fluids and for the next 40 weeks it gets even more disgusting. There’s this whole thing with haploid cells and diploid cells, meiosis, mitosis, and several other oses.
Dude, that made tea come out my nose. I had to fake a coughing fit to cover up my laughing, now everyone is asking if I have the flu.
Welcome back to YSaC, Heather! Happy Babby days. I am sure, like all sane and responsible adults, when you need a babbysitter, you will post an ad on CL. 8)
Congrats on your new babby, Heather!
Welcome back, Heather! Congratulations!
Yay, you’re back!
How is the little glowing jell-o mold?
The jello mold is faring very well and seems to be fat and happy. The other little jellos are taken with him. Thanks for all the well-wishes, guys and gals!
You have an array of mini-jellos? Aw! How cute!
She must have collected the whole set ♥
Um, so the first ad is looking for a wonderful person to help out their family, but if the second kind of “help” is anything like the “adult babby/sex slave kept locked in a pre-fab shed decorated like a dungeon” images we’re all getting from it, I’m pretty sure “wonderful” would not be the proper description for the ideal candidate.
Unless it actually means “a person sporting fresh ‘born to get high’ tats and piercings where the sun don’t shine”, in which case it should really be more specific. I mean, one person’s “wonderful” is another person’s “restraining order”, after all.
Oh. That didn’t help any, did it? Sorry.
Thanks a lot for the link back to the picture of the “maid,” drmk. (rolls eyes) Is it just me or does she have a seriously deformed posterior? And is that pose supposed to be attractive?? I think I need a male’s perspective. Igor, we need you!
The first ad sounds like they’re looking for a surrogate, maybe? With … uh … benefits? Great shades of Handmaid’s Tale, y’all. *shudder*
“Dishonest” with a strong will/ strong face … maybe they’re looking for a boxer to take an l in a rigged fight? You’d definitely need a strong face for that.
Multiple Choice: The second ad is looking for:
A) Someone to meet the family at Thanksgiving and pretend to be the father of her unborn child.
B) A negotiator in divorce settlement.
C) A decoy in a drug smuggling operation.
Please explain your choices.
The second ad makes me think whatever it’s for, you will end up getting beat in the face.
Poker face, or poker to the face? It’s too bad Squee couldn’t find out for us.
I’m guessing poor Squee is on a watchlist somewhere now…
Obviously the second post was not written by Diogenes but by his lesser known brother Pathologicles.
Anybody know where I can get a lantern cheap? *grammar slap*
Cheap lantern – you bet ya……
My face can bench 250 easy, but in Soviet Russia face benches you.
Dude, I’m looking like an idiot sitting here laughing at my monitor.
Repplyer needed
I am looking for a wonderful person to help out my comment. There are actually two types of “Reply” that I am seeking, and maybe both types are of interest to you and maybe just the one.If you’re interested, please hit the Reply button. Let me know if you’re repplying for the first position, the second, or both. Please tell me a little bit about yourself and your experience with repplying. Thanks in advance for taking the time to respond to the post.
I’m good at reapplying “sunscreen” but my rate’s $3.99 a minute. Additional “texting” fees may apply.
Superb – sounds like you qualify for the “second” position I have in mind. Also – could you bring an open-minded friend?
How about a Modell with an Urban Completion? You can pay her in peanut butter.
“open-minded friend” = personals-speak for “the one you know likes kinky threesomes”
Lola sounds like the open-minded friend then……so that’s both positions filled, I’m happy. And I guess afterwards we could talk about cats or something – I might be asleep by then……you can let yourselves out.
Oh – and same time next week?
Did they cook you a hot meal of their choosing?
Whilst I switched the light on and off repeatedly……happy memories.
Nearly as good as that time I got shut in an industrial sized tumble dryer by the chick with massive FEMALETRAITS2.
And way better than that time I tried to offer naked home help to my friends’ elderly relatives – those false teeth are sharper than they look.
I’m thinking of writing an autobiography – wonder where I could sell it?????
Is it the autobiography of a rooster and his twin? Because if so, I have your answer.
I saw the second one – was in my local craig’s list – I did respond, and it was a bloke wanting to pull a prank on his friend… pretty boring really. sorry all.
Why did you have to ruin the illusion? 🙁
I reject your reality and substitute my own.
+1 for Mythbusters.
Yes – GO MYTHBUSTERS
I think I can help with the first post. My friend, Kristy, had this great idea when her mom was trying, unsuccessfully, to get a babbysitter for her little brother, David Michael. What if there was one phone number that you could call only during two desgnated times a week where ou could find half a dozen unlicensed teenage girls to watch your babbies? And thus The Babby-Sitter’s Club was formed.
Need a Babby-sitter? Save time! Call: The Babby-Sitter’s Club!
Why do I get the feeling if one were to “interview” for the first position, the interviewer would be standing closer to said person than one’s own skin and fondling one’s hair?
Of course, the interviewer would be wearing Playtex Living gloves, an adult diaper, and would be holding a spatula and a jar of Goober Grape.
Uhm. Ew?
For some reason it’s the Goober Grape that puts that image “over the top” for me. Plus one point for frigglesnitz.
Is Goober Grape that stuff that’s peanut butter premixed with grape jelly?
I believe it is. That stuff was AWESOME.
If by “awesome” you mean “oily and disgusting”, then yes, yes it was.
The name always put me off trying it. Nice to know I wasn’t missing anything. Also – no need to use past tense, because you can still get it in the stores here!
It hurts my OCD. I know the the jelly and the peanut butter will eventually be mixed in my sandwich but they *have* to be separate before they become a sandwich.
STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!
Though the future may be murky,
sit right down and eat some turkey,
mashed potato, yam and biscuit,
or maybe a nice piece of brisket,
Merlot, shirraz or chardonnay,
Red or white or just rosé,
Have some stuffing, have some carrot,
Thanksgiving is full of merit.
May all your holidays be sweet
as honey, thanks, good God lets eat!