(actually, the only thing retro is the Roman numeral in the title)
BABY FACES
MAKE OFFER – BEST OFFER
Did you know that another term for the familiar “Comedy and Tragedy” masks you see associated with theater is “Janus Masks?” Isn’t that interesting? Let’s all think about that instead of this post, which scares the bejeebers out of the staff here at YSaC, as well as Jeff, who sent it in.
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
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Make Offer? Best Offer? I’d offer my soul, but that’s been taken after looking at those.
Sulphurous stench fills your nostrils, vapors that could only come from one place: Beelzebub’s backyard.
You notice an odd little table, sculpted to look like mini-skeletons clawing their way out of purgatory. You shrug and move on.
Then you see them.
The foulest abomination beholds you in the shape of twin newborns. Their little ‘babby’ mouths open simultaneously and with eerie synchronicity they speak. Oh God, they speak:
“There are actually two types of “help” that I am seeking, and maybe both types are of interest to you and maybe just the one…”
This comment has brought me the closest ever to opening multiple browsers so I could vote a gazillion times.
Well done! Bravissimo!
I offer to put them in a bag, take a sledgehammer to the bag, and then bury the bag in the back yard at midnight, with certain rituals (including salting the ground). I will then never speak to anyone of what I have done, for fear of summoning their hideous power, even despite the ritual burial.
Other than that, I got nothin’.
Your are in need of a septic tank liner……
Ok, here’s a thought. Why don’t we go and buy that septic tank, put these and the skeleton table in it, let Lola do as many cleansing rituals as she can think of over it, then we take them out to sea and drop them overboard? Preferable over somewhere nice and deep, like the Mariana Trench maybe?
so, who has a boat?
I know where you can get one…
They seem to have only one ear apiece. Any speculations as to what that might mean?
I hadn’t noticed that Issac,
but in all fairness, I am trying not to look at them for fear of being scarred for life.
Baby portraits of Vincent Van Gogh by someone who couldn’t recall which ear and wanted to cover all their bases?
They only have one ear because the seller collects the ears as trophies. If you think those faces are disturbing you should see his Bluebeardesque ear room.
It means Paul is dead.
I started to think about this but I scared myself.
They were separated siamese twins?
Janus is the roman god of… January? And has two faces, one looking forward and one looking back.
These, however, are just terrifying faces of babies. Why would anyone own these? Why would anyone MAKE these? Are they ACTUAL baby faces?
If one believes that the Antichrist is on the earth, perhaps it would be believable that these were (for whatever infernal reason I cannot imagine) cast from his damned infantile face.
For any items of that nature: See my disposal suggestion above.
He’s the Roman god of beginnings and endings, gates and doors, if I’m remembering my mythology correctly. But he definitely had two faces and got a month named after him.
If he had these horrifying baby faces, I’m pretty sure he’d be a contender for Pluto’s job. Or possibly Cerberus’ – I wouldn’t want to try anything with these faces guarding the gates to the underworld… *shudder*
Oh, classical studies. And they said we’d never use thee…
Herakles is my superhero. I believe you just uttered a blasphemy.
I think I should buy these for my college-aged sister. Much better than giant pots of coffee when it comes to those all-night thesis writings.
As a college instructor, and perhaps on behalf of drmk as well, I must object to the plan outlined above. I would not subject any of my colleagues to a thesis written under the influence of those things.
I think I’ve already read that thesis.
and how bad were the dreams?
drmk, you’re remarkably intact-seeming, if that is the case.
It’s an illusion. I’m pretty good at seeming as though I’m coherent and put together properly. I can even make it look as though I’m functioning in polite society. But it’s all a sham.
I’ve written some essays like that…. At 3am, I was amazed by the brilliance of my observations and writing ability. When I turned the paper in later that morning, I wasn’t sure if I had even written it in the correct language (I was a Spanish major), or any language known to man for that matter.
Best comment from an instructor ever:
In 12th grade English, I had written a paper about the moral development of a character and how she defied the social mores, only I wrote it as “morays”, consistently throughout the paper. My teacher circled the first occurrence and wrote “A moray is a large, aggressive eel, not usually known for being social. You are probably thinking of ‘mores’.”
That reminds me of a cartoon I once saw, showing eels wearing party hats and so forth. Caption: “Social Morays.”
I haven’t had 3-am writing jags in about 12 years, and don’t miss them (a couple of times I didn’t even realize I was up very late until the garbage men started to come around and collect). I am sure that our collective instructors would prefer we never did that sort of thing because coherence in a paper helps to grade it, though I feel slightly better after the confessions on this blog of drmk, isaac, etc., admitting that on occasion their comments weren’t written as coherently as they might have been, either.
I only fall asleep while writing paper comments because I am so dedicated.
Also, because I am so torpid.
Huh. I thought it would make really good birth control.
Am I supposed to wear it on my penis? The resulting lack of sexual relations would definitely reduce future opportunities for procreation.
That image is wrong on oh so many levels.
You, sir, clearly possess that special genius that the insane lament…..I would like to sign up for your newsletter.
You made my eyes bleed remotely, Ed.
DO NOT PUT PENIS IN BABBY FACE ED
REPEAT:
DO NOT PUT PENIS IN BABBY FACE
BABBY FACE NOT FOR PENIS
I am never going to be able to get that image out of my head.
Never.
No matter how many recreational substances I obsessively indulge in.
I’m going to blame you in the suicide note, Ed.*
This will teach me to read posts I missed.
*with a footnote for Isaac for saying “PENIS” and “BABBY FACE” so many times in so few sentences.
Frank could never understand why people were hesitant to view his “trophy collection”.
I’m sure that an “artist” from Regretsy could do wonders with these.
To quote MST3K: “I don’t know how but now I’m sterile!”
Much as I’ve enjoyed all this nightmare-inducing merchandise, I hope we soon get back to the person to person, shower in boiling bleach types. Those are my favorite. Not that anyone should pay attention to me. I’ll just sit here quietly in the corner, muttering about young people and their new-age rapers.
Now, now. The very next entry could be, “m4w: Guy with babby face collection seeks woman with tormented skeletons on fire table for possible LTR. Tantric tattoos a plus, especially those involving eldritch cephalopod gods. No freaks.”
And that’s how I met my husband. Good times. 8)
The tragedy is that there is some sick person out there who will see the comedy in hanging these in a prominent place in their home and scaring the bejeezus out of visitors.
On the other hand, such a display might put an end to those annoying “When are you going to have children?” questions.
“On the other hand, such a display might put an end to those annoying “When are you going to have children?” questions.”
*buys freaky baby faces and displays during parental visit*
Actually, those a brilliant ideas from both of you!
I’m the type of person who keeps squirrel bones and inflatable turkeys and zombie-making supplies around my apartment…this would be a good addition to that! And drive away the few people that still come in and don’t just ask me to come outside to talk!
Baby face, you’ve got the cutest little baby face…
In Soviet Russia, scary little baby face is yours.
Superb – my prayers have been answered. About 3 months ago I wrote a comedy script (for which these masks would be ideal) for a sketch featuring Mickey Rooney and Winston Churchill. There are endless laughs about the fact that they have both had an ear cut off and that they can’t hear each other when they are on each others deaf sides:
Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches!
Rooney: bite them on their features? why would we do that?
Churchill: This is the kind of English up with which I will not put
Rooney: who….? what….? What’s a what?
(and so on – look out for me on Broadway)
Sooooo… Did they cut the faces off real babies and shellac them or something?
So, say you were actually *into* making dolls. Why, oh why, would you choose faces such as those to slave over for hours in your craft? They would give me nightmares, they would.
Speaking of dolls, anyone heard of the people that take regular baby dolls and paint them so they look real? Real talent there (and no kidding) but sometimes real talent can be real creepy! http://www.reborn-baby.com/
You know, some people say that Himmler had “real talent” for organized genocide, but that doesn’t make it a GOOD thing. Those realborns are far more terrifying than these, though I could think of a good practical jokes to pull with those real-but-fake babies…
GAHHHH
Man, those babies with their eyes open look like aliens. CREEEEPY BABBY
I actually have 2 “reborn” dolls. My mom has a couple as well. I would never want to see a before/after comparison of them, however. Out of curiosity in 8th grade, I took pictures of myself holding the boy doll that I had…I fooled my entire class into thinking he was my little brother. It’s AMAZING how realistic he looks.
There’s one at Regretsy that will haunt my dreams for years to come (the babies in the post I’ll get over – in a few weeks). http://www.regretsy.com/2009/11/13/sunglasses-not-included/
I think I would prefer the gruesome twosome to a reborn baby. Those are creepy (but the woman definitely has artistic talent).
ugh, eyebleach please, dollface.
I’m still wondering why the faces are ‘landscape’. Lola your disposal technique gets my vote and as for real baby dolls, nooooooooooo!
*goes for rest in soft duvet with cup of hot chocolate*
You have staff now? Can I be an unpaid intern? 😀