YSaC, Vol. 510: The price of vanity.

2009 December 9

Vanity with seat


Date: 2009-11-14, 11:43PM EST

$150 or Best offer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opens on both sides and has a draw all nice!

510a

You know, as far as vanities go, this one isn’t awful. It’s not worth 61 exclamation marks, but it’s not that bad, either. But just wait … the rest is behind a cut because it’s long.

Lovely Vanity great for Christmas!!Queen Head board too!


Date: 2009-11-15, 9:51AM EST

Opens on both sides and has nice draw in the middle, aeat included. $100

510a510b

510c510d

No mention of Depressy the Clown or what he has to do with anything, but notice that the vanity (and aeat) is now $100, a mere ten hours after its original posting.

Very pretty Oak Vanity with matching seat


Date: 2009-11-15, 10:05PM EST

Just $150

… and, thirteen hours later, it’s back up to $150. This one had the same picture of the vanity.

Going fast


Date: 2009-11-16, 8:58AM EST

Solid Oak vanity with matching seat just $150

Has 2 hidden compartments on both sides and a great draw in the middle.

Leave your name,phone number and when you can come get it,where are you coming from? When replying, thanks

Going fast? This is the fourth ad in two days. Same picture of vanity included.

Solid Oak Vanity with matching seat!


Date: 2009-11-17, 12:22AM EST

Great like new condtion.

has 2 hidden conpartments for storage and 1 middle draw .

Great for a women who is getting ready and wants to look extra good, yes this vanity helps!

Get Christmas gift for anyone any age!!!

Your grand daughter would LOVE IT!!!!

Same picture included. Wait, how does the vanity help me look extra good? I think the desperation of trying to sell this vanity is starting to affect the spelling cortex of this person’s brain.

I miss Depressy the Clown. I hope he’s okay.

If you responded about it


Date: 2009-11-18, 11:40PM EST

If you responded about the vanity I’m have problems with my account. Respond to this posting and it will go throug to a new working email.

Selling tomorrrow no matter what

Solid Oak with hidden storage on both sides and a draw in middle(would make a amazing xmas gift)

Come get it tomorrow!THANK you

$150 or best

510e

Yes, that must be the problem — nobody has responded to your ads about the vanity because your email isn’t working. And what a lovely new picture of your vanity. Too bad it’s a professional picture of a different vanity.

Glad to see you’re selling it tomorrow no matter what; at least then these listings will stop. Although, please learn to spell the word tomorrow. Oh, and drawer. Thanks.

I didn’t get your email,please try again responding to this post


Date: 2009-11-19, 10:46AM EST

If you responded about the vanity I’m have problems with my account. Respond to THIS POSTING and it will go through to a new working email.

Selling tomorrrow no matter what

Solid Oak with hidden storage on both sides and a draw in middle(would make a amazing xmas gift)

Come get it tomorrow!THANK you

$150 or best

510a510b

Ah, we’re back to the first picture of the vanity. But you’re selling it tomorrow no matter what. Just like you were yesterday. Is this like one of those signs you see at bars sometimes that say “Free beer tomorrow”?

Reply to this posting, if your trying to contact me about the vanity


Date: 2009-11-19, 9:54PM EST

$150 or best offer, If you emailed me once about it email me agian I lost some information on my computer. Thanks everyone

The ad included the first picture again. Seriously, dude — I don’t think your computer is the problem here.

Everyone wants this Vanity!!!OMG!!


Date: 2009-11-20, 11:10PM EST

Well, first person to come get it tomorrow will leave with it.

$130 or best offer

510a510f

510g510h

OMG!! Um, no they don’t. But you lowered the price to $130, and learned to spell tomorrow!

And look! It’s Depressy the Clown! You came back! I was so worried about you! Oh Depressy, how I love you.

And then, to add insult to injury, comes this response from the Craigslist peanut gallery:

Re: Everyone wants this VANITY!!!


Date: 2009-11-21, 7:34AM EST

If everyone “wants” your vanity,then why is still on craigslist? Try lowering the price,its not that nice,and you can get a brand new one for around your price!! Get off craigslist,your annoying!!!

You know it’s bad when you’ve been handed the smackdown from someone who doesn’t use spaces after their comma splices, and can’t spell you’re. But yeah … this person’s right, Sparky.

But our hero continues on undeterred:

What everyone wants for the Holidays – $5


Date: 2009-11-25, 6:37PM EST

Solid Oak Vanity with 2 hidden storage compartments and a nice drawer

$130 or best offer

Same picture included, and we’ve kept the reduced price at $130. But hooray! At least we’ve learned to spell drawer! I count this as a success, overall.

SOILD OAK VANITY with STORAGE and MATCHING SEAT


Date: 2009-12-02, 6:07PM EST

Solid Oak Vanity with 2 hidden storage compartments and a nice drawer

$130 or best offer

it makes a great gift. Use it anywhere. For make up, Jewelry, getting ready in the morning has never been so easy !!

Same picture included. Will this saga never end?

Thanks, Emily!

143 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 December 9

    It’s vanity insanity!

    Adores: 54
    • 2009 December 9
      tacomagic permalink

      And Vanity Spamity.

      Adores: 39
      • 2009 December 9
        Lola permalink

        Vanity Spamity = my early pick for band name of the day.

        Adores: 7
        • 2009 December 9
          PrincessLuceval permalink

          Definitely. Vanity Spamity Insanity Inanity. Next with Sean Hannity.

          Adores: 41
  2. 2009 December 9

    Looky..there’s been a change to the listing!

    “What everyone wants for the Holidays โ€“ $5”

    See? Everyone wants $5 for the Holidays!

    Whew! That’ll shrink my holiday budget a LOT.

    Adores: 13
  3. 2009 December 9
    Ed Snyder permalink

    So much to critique. So little time. Won’t someone please buy this vanity to stop the madness. For the children?

    Adores: 6
  4. 2009 December 9
    DervishHeart permalink

    Pretty self-evident what is happening here: the vanity won’t sell because it’s cursed by Depressy the Clown.

    Depressy was once involved with the original owner of the vanity, a young girl called Aeat. Unfortunately Aeat had been married off to her evil stepmother’s humpbacked brother Draw. When Draw discovered the young lovers in flagrante delicto he ratted them out to his evil sister who then imprisoned the girl in the vanity’s mirror and turned Depressy into a useless and …well, depressing coffee mug.
    His final words were: “I will never be parted from Aeat!” and then he mumbled something that sounded like: “Please let it be viewed“.

    It’s so obvious, really.

    Adores: 98
    • 2009 December 9
      Heather permalink

      This sounds like the epic romance of our time. BRB need popcorn.

      Adores: 3
    • 2009 December 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      How did you find out what happened to my older brother?!
      I’ve been looking for Depressy for YEARS!

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 December 10
        Meredith permalink

        IGOR!!!! So happy to see your glowing face back in our midst.

        Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 10

      Hee, this sounds like a furniture backstory from The Sims. Awesome.

      Adores: 3
  5. 2009 December 9
    JAMen permalink

    You know…I used to have a nice draw in the middle. Then I had a baby. Now my vanity will never be the same. Oh, Depressy the Clown, you’re there for me! Only you really understand the vanity.

    Adores: 48
  6. 2009 December 9
    CanonicalKoi permalink

    The multitudinous postings are easy to explain:

    “Vanity plays lurid tricks with our memory.” – Joseph Conrad

    Adores: 49
    • 2009 December 9
      GrahamT permalink

      Joseph Conrad quote FTW.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 December 9
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        “Knock this vanity off my shoulder. Come on, I dare ya.” – Robert Conrad

        Adores: 8
        • 2009 December 9
          GrahamT permalink

          Lulz.

          Adores: 0
  7. 2009 December 9
    tacomagic permalink

    I think somebody will probably buy the vanity just to shut this person up. It’s really a brilliant marketing strategy… if you have all kinds of free time on your hands.

    Adores: 4
  8. 2009 December 9
    queensbee permalink

    ok. got it. now stfu. i’ll give you 5 bucks for it if you ship it to me in albany. you’re are annoying yes.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      Uhm… you know they can’t hear you, Queen… right?

      Adores: 0
  9. 2009 December 9
    Heather permalink

    I think this is one of my favorite posts ever.

    Dare I compare this artistry to that from the days of Victorian serial novels (oh yes, I DARE): published increment by increment in a magazine or newspaper, each part leaving the reader yearning for more. In this case, the only thing it leaves me yearning for is a delete key so I can go medieval on those exclamation points.

    Adores: 9
    • 2009 December 9

      Totally OT, but–I am actually writing a serial novel on-line where the reader gets to choose what happens next–kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure AND the serial novels of old mated and had a virtual baby. ๐Ÿ˜›

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 December 9
        Igor the Vigorous permalink

        Meheheh. I love the Choose your own adventure parody included in Over the Wall …. It’s definitely my favorite, spent hours on it as a kid.

        Adores: 1
  10. 2009 December 9
    Lola permalink

    Is anyone else tired after reading all of that?!? The high emotion induced by a string of exclamation marks that long alone has me exhausted, then there are (I’m too tired to scroll up and count accurately) multiple follow-up postings. You’d think this inane poster/seller would be tired. I already need to get more coffee.

    Funny thing is, I actually want a vanity. The one I had growing up is not worth (monetarily if not sentimentally) what it would cost to ship it cross-country, so my parents are selling it and I want to get a new one. Not this one, though. I’m partly not buying it just to spite this insistent twit, and partly because I’m afraid I’ll catch the crazy off of it. That, or I’ll be haunted by the spirit of Depressy the Hobo Clown. ๐Ÿ™

    Adores: 8
    • 2009 December 9
      Heather permalink

      …that and it’s CURSED.

      Adores: 5
    • 2009 December 9
      develish1 permalink

      I’d go with ones of those at the other end of that professional photo link Lola. They’re nicer, brand new, don’t include Depressy the clown, and don’t come with an exhausting amount of exclamation marks either.

      Shall we form an orderly queue?

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 9
      CanonicalKoi permalink

      He sees you when you’re sleeping
      He knows when you’re awake
      He tells you to buy cutlery
      You’re possessed by Depressy, for goodness sake!

      Adores: 22
      • 2009 December 9
        PrincessLuceval permalink

        Ah, a festive tune just in time for the holiday season. Now where’s my Snuggie?

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          Oh, you mean this?

          Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 9
          Marta permalink

          Did you know that they now have zebra and leopard print snuggies? I saw the commercial today, and it made me want to hurl….

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 10
          emesis permalink

          My friend* is trying to coordinate a snuggie bar crawl. Should I be worried about the amount of rage this is generating within me? Or is rage the appropriate emotion for this situation?

          *Will soon be ex-friend, considering.

          Adores: 3
        • 2009 December 12
          Marta permalink

          Actually not a bad idea, now that I think about it. Personally, I would have to be drunk to wear a snuggie in public

          Adores: 4
    • 2009 December 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      Are you kidding? That gorgeous mug is one I’d PAY to be haunted/stalked/killed by.

      Adores: 2
  11. 2009 December 9
    Windrose permalink

    Hmmm, getting things to sell by annoyance. That’s a great idea! If only I had Depressy to make the deal sweeter.

    Adores: 1
  12. 2009 December 9
    Colleen in MA permalink

    when you can come get it,where are you coming from?

    Isn’t that a Dave Matthews song?

    Adores: 7
  13. 2009 December 9
    Ed Snyder permalink

    This vanity belongs on the bonfire.

    Adores: 34
    • 2009 December 9
      Windrose permalink

      *gets out the marshmallows and pointy sticks*

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 10
        Addicted Reader permalink

        Or we could just use the pointy sticks on the poster directly.

        Adores: 7
  14. 2009 December 9
    Meredith permalink

    “Selling tomorrow no matter what”

    Is this seller trying to conjure the power of the Hypno-Dogs?

    “I AM selling this vanity tomorrow. You WILL buy my vanity…and Depressy the Clown.”

    Maybe this needs to be re-listed by Hypno-Cat.

    Adores: 9
    • 2009 December 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      I don’t need any tomorrow, but I would like some last week if they have any left.

      Adores: 9
      • 2009 December 9
        Windrose permalink

        Hmm, I don’t like the look of their last week. All wilted and starting to rot. Better stick with the month-ends.

        Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 9
      asthehind permalink

      ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-TOAD.

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 9
      Hypno-cat permalink

      All must buy the vanity now!

      Adores: 9
      • 2009 December 9
        Lola permalink

        Wait, we can’t all buy it! Unless you’re offering to chop it up and we all get a piece. Can I have the mirror? $5.

        Adores: 2
  15. 2009 December 9
    queensbee permalink

    is it french providential by chance, also?

    Adores: 4
  16. 2009 December 9

    Now that the poster has mentioned it, I DO want to look extra good…. And I don’t have a vanity…. Hmmmm….

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 December 9
      GrahamT permalink

      The “extra good” part is because the vanity is possessed, making you think you look good. It also distorts your perception of how much items are worth, whether your email is working, and whether people actually want your bizarre item.

      Adores: 8
  17. 2009 December 9
    mudslicker permalink

    Make it stop.

    Adores: 4
  18. 2009 December 9
    lizmcg permalink

    I’m concerned about the fact that the last listing refers to the vanity as “soild”…

    Adores: 8
    • 2009 December 9

      I know, right? I decided to leave that one alone because the implications frightened me.

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 10
      tardis_stowaway permalink

      Someone put Depressy the Clown in the draw with the cutlery and then opened it up again without precautionary measures. Now the vanity is soild. Out, out, damn spot!

      Adores: 3
  19. 2009 December 9
    develish1 permalink

    I wonder if Depressy the Clown is for sale too. I wouldn’t mind that, if only to use to scare away all those unwanted visitors over Christmas.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 10

      I would buy Depressy the Clown, if only for the fact that it made my husband smile while he was trying so hard to have a bad day.

      “Look, Honey, It’s Depressy the Clown!” *tries desperately to hide smirk before leaving room to continue bad day*

      YSaC, I thank you.

      Adores: 4
  20. 2009 December 9
    tigprincess permalink

    This individual obviously never grew out of the persuasiveness of childhood “I want a XXX now!!” “Now!” NOW!” “I want it!” … OK so Mom and Dad gave in but buyers from craigslist have an element of discernment and are not persuaded by hysterics such as these (especially Virtual Hysterics – lead singer Tantrum Fitt).

    *anyone else got “Search Granny Personals” as their ad? I’m not sure I’d want anyone searching my personals and I’m nowhere near being a granny … yet *

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 9
      Dan permalink

      I’m getting “Muslim local singles.” ?!?

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 9
        Lola permalink

        I was getting that too. Last week it was “JewCanoodle.”
        I’m Episcopalian.

        I’m totally going to see Virtual Hysterics. I love it when Tantrum Fitt pretents to bash his/her guitar.

        Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 9
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          But does he/she do that only until the crowd cheers louder?

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 10
          Meredith permalink

          “JewCanoodle” sounds like kosher Hamburger Helper to me.

          Adores: 9
      • 2009 December 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        I get the intriguing mix of “Men2Men gay singles”, something about ending world hunger that I forgot to write down,and “Indoor TV Antennas”.

        Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 9

        I’m getting “Muslim Singles” here too, along with “Quality Used Transmissions”

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 9
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I’m getting quality used Muslim singles!

          Adores: 9
        • 2009 December 9
          CanonicalKoi permalink

          Great. *I* don’t get the “quality” Muslims, only the “local” ones. Harumph. There’s a problem here–I’m an atheist and I’m married. But I have a lovely personality. ๐Ÿ˜‰

          Adores: 3
    • 2009 December 10
      chronologically gifted permalink

      I AM a granny and nobody searches my personals without a permit!

      Adores: 8
      • 2009 December 10
        emesis permalink

        Or a check for five dollars.

        Adores: 3
    • 2009 December 10
      Meredith permalink

      You know what? I don’t get anything. It says, “A word from our sponsors” but there’s nothing under that. I never really paid
      any attention to it before people started commenting.

      Adores: 1
  21. 2009 December 9
    Karen permalink

    Yeah. This is in my top 10 now. Kudos.

    Adores: 0
  22. 2009 December 9
    jackie31337 permalink

    I think the desperation of trying to sell this vanity is starting to affect the spelling cortex of this personโ€™s brain.

    I think the desperation of trying to read this post is starting to affect the spelling cortex of MY brain: I was getting ready to call you on affect/effect, when I realized you were already using the correct one.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 9
      Heather permalink

      You know, back in the olden days when I was an English Lit major, I asked my very traditional, grammar-nazi creative writing prof about affect/effect, and she insisted that there is no difference. I still think that there is. Humph.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 December 9

        There absolutely is. You *AFFECT* something, which has an *EFFECT* on that something. As in:
        I was affected by this ad, the effect being that I now need to lie down in a dark room and a cold pack to rid myself of this exclamation-point induced migraine.

        Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 9
          Lola permalink

          FWIW, in my experience there’s definitely a difference. What about psych conditions where someone has a certain affect? That’s not the same as them presenting a certain effect, for certain.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 9

          Just to add some confusion to the bonfire, there are other meanings of both words.

          The ordinary meaning of effect, as in special effects, is a noun. But it can also be a verb, meaning to cause to happen, as in The policy effected a major change in the world situation.

          The ordinary meaning of affect, as in It doesn’t affect me at all, is a verb. But it can also be a noun, meaning overall or visible emotional tone, as in the young woman had an offputting affect.

          Weirdly, in literary criticism, you tend to see the second senses of both words about as often as you see the first senses. It can get pretty confusing.

          Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 9
          GrahamT permalink

          Regardless of context, I always pronounce the noun form of affect.

          (Isaac – Kudos for referring to XKCD. Sadly, XKCD is my most often cited source in class [the second is, of course, Wikipedia].)

          Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 10
        chronologically gifted permalink

        Yes, Heather, there is a difference. When you affect something, you influence it. As in,”The Vanity Insanity” ad is affecting my ability to drink coffee without flooding my keyboard.” When you use effect, you are dealing with an outcome, as in, “The effect of drinking any liquid while reading YSaC may be a flooded keyboard.” Hold your ground. There is a difference.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 10
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          ๐Ÿ˜‰
          http://xkcd.com/326/
          Isn’t English such a dear little language?

          Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 10

          Igor, see link in post above.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 10
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Oi! I clicked that.
          And for some reason, when I clicked it, it had a quotation mark after the 326 when it tried to load (No, I didn’t hit anything). Weird, eh?

          Adores: 0
  23. 2009 December 9
    Ethan permalink

    You actually counted all the exclamation points. What is worse, you caused me to count all the exclamation points.

    Adores: 10
  24. 2009 December 9
    Addicted Reader permalink

    In the ads, I’m getting:

    CL Auto Poster Software?
    Learn How to Auto Post to Cragslist Robot Posts 1000’s of Ads Per Day!

    This could explain the above overload of posts.

    (I’m trying to to twitch from the lack of a hyphen in “auto-poster”. Lack of hyphens in compound adjectives is one of my biggest grammatical pet peeves.)

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 9
      Heather permalink

      You may just have discovered the origin of femaletraits1 and 2! Historic! Or should I say, hsytorical?

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 9
      Lola permalink

      I, too, require the presence of the hyphen. Without it, I think it’s referring to automotive-related postings.

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      I’m actually afraid to use hyphens, sometimes- I use them far too much.
      Need an example? Look above, because I’m an idiot…

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 9
        Lola permalink

        Igor, I think you’re using a dash, not a hyphen, in that instance.

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 10

          I think he should be using a dashโ€”what he typed, however, looks pretty hyphen-like.

          Adores: 3
  25. 2009 December 9
    Ed Snyder permalink

    “Draw all” is how you say drawl when you have one.

    Adores: 6
  26. 2009 December 9
    sarajean80 permalink

    I had a picture of Depressy when I was little; for some misguided reason my parents thought I would like staring at a possibly-suicidial homeless man dressed as a clown during my formative years.

    That could explain a lot, actually. For instance, my fear of clowns.

    I remember the nose most vividly. The way it had been highlighted made it look like someone had smacked that poor man in the face with a dirty sock full of nickels until his nose was oozing blood from the very pores. I had nightmares about that nose.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 9
      Ed Snyder permalink

      It’s called coulrophobia. Fear of clowns, that is, not having insane parents who would put you in a room with that thing.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 December 9
        Igor the Vigorous permalink

        Brings me back to Zombieland… “Why did it have to be a clown?!”

        Adores: 2
  27. 2009 December 9
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    “The Vanity Project”

    11/14/09

    OK boys, we’ve got a vanity to sell, what have you got?

    We need to create excitement, boss!

    Good idea Simpson, put some exclamation points in the ad. A lot of them!!!!!

    Oh, and we need to point out the features- check out the side drawers.

    That’s good, but we need to make it seem down-home. Spell “drawer” like Scarlet O’Hara would say it- “draw.”

    It’s practically sold already!

    11/15/09

    Not much buzz yet on that vanity…

    Maybe we should throw in some extras, boss.

    Great idea Stevens. We’ll throw in that head board, and I’ll even sweeten the deal with this clown mug.

    What about one of those aeats we’ve been trying to move?

    Brilliant, my boy. You know what? Lower the price, too!

    11/16/09

    Simpson, get in here! Have you been telling people to include their contact information in that vanity ad?

    No. Sorry, boss.

    Goddamn it! Raise the price and post it again!

    11/17

    We need a new angle on the vanity project boys. Push the holiday angle. You know family, good cheer, all that crap…

    11/18

    All right, people are obviously waiting to see what happens with the vanity. Let’s make them feel like they’re missing out. Set a deadline. Oh, and put up a picture of a different vanity. We’re selling the IDEA of a vanity here, boys!

    11/19

    Legal says we ARE selling a vanity, not the IDEA of a vanity. Lousy pencil pushers…

    11/20

    We need our own Black Friday madness with this vanity. People will line up overnight if we say that it goes to the first person here. Throw in a different chair and get a new picture of the clown mug. And change the price to $130 to really make the public crazy!

    11/25

    Time for the “old bait and switch.” Put $5 in the headline!

    Also, the Scarlet O’Hara angle ain’t doing it. Change the spelling to “drawer.”

    12/02

    OK, Legal says we can’t do the “old bait and switch,” and we have to tell people about the damage in the ad.

    Should we say “soiled oak vanity,” boss?

    Yeah, but spell it “Soild.” People may think we just spelled “solid” wrong.

    Adores: 36
    • 2009 December 9
      Windrose permalink

      “Has two hidden compartments on both sides.”

      So that’s four hidden compartments, two on each side? I don’t think the seller is charging enough.

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        Well, they are not really secret anymore, not after telling everyone on CraigsList about them multiple times. That would affect the price.

        Adores: 3
  28. 2009 December 9

    I’m still trying figure out how the kitchen chair fits into all of this. This is just too much for me to handle the week before finals

    Adores: 3
  29. 2009 December 9
    sarajean80 permalink

    “Great for a women who is getting ready and wants to look extra good, yes this vanity helps!”

    So if I need help with my hair, this thing will come alive a la Beauty and the Beast and do it for me? Maybe dress me like a doll while singing a little tune that will make me forget all my troubles and wrap me in a feeling of goodwill and friendship? If I normally get ready standing in front of the bathroom mirror with a cup of espresso in one hand and my toothbrush in the other, could I train it to vacuum the carpet and make the bed instead?

    Adores: 12
    • 2009 December 9
      Heather permalink

      So help me, I will mudwrestle you for this magic hair-doing vanity, sarajean!

      Adores: 10
      • 2009 December 9
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Espresso toothpaste will free up one hand to do the vacuuming.

        Adores: 11
        • 2009 December 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          But then I would have to do extra flossing to get the grounds out from between my teeth.

          “Espresso Toothpaste” is getting my vote for band name of the day.

          Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 9
          Lola permalink

          Espresso Toothpase and Vanity Spamity are playing on a double bill this weekend. Let’s go.

          Adores: 5
        • 2009 December 9

          Dan and I came up with a great name for an album earlier today: “Groundhogs and Greyhounds”. What’s even more worrisome is that that phrase occurred naturally in our conversation.

          Adores: 7
      • 2009 December 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        I don’t want a tussle with the new momma, you probably need it more than me!

        I don’t think it’s housebroken, though – it seems to have “soild” itself. For some reason I am picturing it dropping little piles of cosmetics on the floor, mostly lipsticks and mascara tubes with the odd blusher or eye shadow for color.

        Adores: 3
        • 2009 December 9
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Groundhogs and greyhounds and fun mine hors rids
          Skeleton tables and roommates who stay hid
          Nice soapy loafahs on my girlfriend’s dad’s thing
          These are a few of my favorite things

          Baby face wall art and elegant art frames
          Old rusty stoves and pitbulls that aren’t tame
          Spider man suits that will make your eyes sting
          These are a few of my favorite things

          Homemade Tasers
          Dogs with laser
          Eyes that hypnotize
          I just want to sit on my dinning room chair
          Just sit in the nude, and cries…

          Adores: 35
      • 2009 December 9
        Igor the Vigorous permalink

        So help me, I would DIE to record this mud wrestling, Heather! I need a ticket!

        Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 10
      mstmompj permalink

      Sarajean, not only will it do all that (and more!), it you can use it anywhere! In the grocery checkout line! In the car! In the shower! Anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

      Adores: 1
  30. 2009 December 9
    Brandy permalink

    So is “Soild” supposed to be soiled or solid? Not sure I really want a soild vanity.
    What did they do since the last post to “soil” it? Is that considered an added value?

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 9
      Lola permalink

      “What did they do since the last post to ‘soil’ it?”
      Brandy, are you sure you want to ask that question? This is Craigslist, after all.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 December 9
        CanonicalKoi permalink

        (Spartan voice) This. Is. CRAIGSLIST!!!! (/Spartan voice)

        Adores: 14
        • 2009 December 9
          PrincessLuceval permalink

          Vanity, thy name is woman!

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 February 3
          DigitalAxis permalink

          Wait, they’re selling Woman? Last time we had to pay a rib for that.

          Adores: 1
  31. 2009 December 9
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    They should just wait until summer and try again. After all, vanity comes before the fall.

    Unless of course, they are in Soviet Russia…

    Adores: 24
    • 2009 December 9
      Windrose permalink

      I hope you’re proud of yourself!

      Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 9
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      In Soviet Russia, Vanity comes post-fall, after you!

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 December 10
        Jane permalink

        I thought it was, in Soviet Russia, vanity falls on you?

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 10
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          I know. I couldn’t find a good way to reverse all three subjects.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 February 18
      Steph permalink

      *chokes on tapioca* Bianchi, that was… Oh, Lord. That was side-bustingly funny. XD

      Adores: 1
  32. 2009 December 9

    Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun? One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever. The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose. The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits. All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full: unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again. All things are full of labor; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us. There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.

    I think that about sums it up.

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 December 9
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      I think it sumeth it up!

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 9
      edgar permalink

      I was waiting to see if someone would post this.
      Good job.

      Adores: 0
  33. 2009 December 9

    How do you use a vanity anywhere?

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 9
      Windrose permalink

      Ping, you gently perch on the aeat, open the secret compartment of your choice, and whisper to Depressy the Clown what you want. Jewelry, make-up, hair. Then you tell the other secret compartment where you want this done. London, Paris, Madrid, New York, Athens, GA. Anywhere!

      Adores: 7
      • 2009 December 9
        Lola permalink

        Athens, GA reference FTW

        Adores: 0
  34. 2009 December 10
    Windrose permalink

    Is anyone keeping track of the length of posts on YSaC? I think this one is in the running for, if not the, longest one yet.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 10
      Depressy permalink

      All who mock me face certain peril!

      Adores: 24
      • 2009 December 10
        emesis permalink

        *In high-pitched, whiny voice*

        All who mock me face certain peril!

        Adores: 8
        • 2009 December 10
          Certain Peril permalink

          Look deep into my eyes…

          Adores: 6
  35. 2009 December 10

    I watched your Elegant Art Frame it’s very beautiful.

    Adores: 0
  36. 2009 December 10

    This was in my local CL. I’m glad it made it in, it was annoying to keep seeing.

    Adores: 0
  37. 2009 December 12
    dddarrien permalink

    I definitely had that exact same vanity when I was a kid….it was definitely not solid oak and DEFINITELY not worth $150…I think we bought it for $30….

    Adores: 1
  38. 2009 December 12

    Isn’t a ‘draw’ considered half of a pair of underwear?

    If that’s the case, I have a draw, too . . .

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 12
      pixie721 permalink

      I knew you’d been tom-catting around at other blogs! *weeps*
      That band names comment was a dead give away.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 December 12

        >.< I'm allowed to roam, dammit!

        Get off my back, woman!

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 13
          pixie721 permalink

          You need to learn how to turn the tables. Don’t you wonder what I’m doing here? Your S.O. must play you like a harpsichord. ๐Ÿ˜‰

          Adores: 2
  39. 2010 May 27

    If only more than 49 people would read this!

    Adores: 0
  40. 2013 February 3

    Vanity of vanities, saith Depressy the Clown, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a Sparky to have a vanity that everyone “wanteth” if there be none who actually buyeth it? One posting passeth away, and another posting cometh: but the price abideth for ever.

    Adores: 3
  41. 2013 February 3
    P-Rex permalink

    Vanity?

    Adores: 1
  42. 2013 February 3
    Brer Fox permalink

    Great for a women who is getting ready and wants to look extra good

    I NEED THIS VANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*pant*!!!!!!!!!!!!!*pant*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Aw, heck! +11
    I was just driving down the road, minding my own business, wearing my eyeglasses, when all of a sudden the prescription ran out. Now I dont look (at stuff) so good. This vanity could be less expensive than a new prescription. You need to look extra good when you’re driving or you might run over stuffs.
    Oh wait, it’s only great for women? Well, just forget it. A sex change operation plus the cost of the vanity would cost way more than new prescription eyeglasses.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 February 3
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      Hee hee! You have a pair of pants in your exclamation. *points*

      Adores: 2
  43. 2013 February 3

    Vanity, thy name is Sparky. I am glad to revisit the dawn of Depressy. I am not glad to revisit the unending tale of the vanity that everyone wanted but no one would purchase.

    Adores: 3
  44. 2013 February 3
    Brer Fox permalink

    Going fast

    Well, I’m drivin’ down the road. I’m a vanity load.
    With two hidden compartments on each side.
    One for stashing cold cream, the other for your best meme.
    and a middle draw that’s not to wide.

    Buy me from her. Buy me from her.
    Save me from her insanity.
    Buy me from her. Buy me from her.
    So I can avoid another calamity.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 February 3
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      I’d have a meme, but some clown drank my coffee.

      Adores: 3
  45. 2013 February 3
    Brer Fox permalink

    Well, you posted this on craigslist
    like you were posting as if you cared.
    You had strategically said that on each side,
    were hidden compartments there.
    Well you stared into its mirror as
    you claimed it goes anywhere.

    You had a dream. There’s a clown for my coffee. Clown for my coffee.
    (And) You’re so vain. You probably think this vanity’s for me.
    You’re so vain. I bet you think this vanity’s four me. fore me. for me.

    Adores: 2
  46. 2013 February 3
    Lizzi permalink

    So that’s where Depressy came from….

    Adores: 1
  47. 2013 February 4

    OMV, I know what you were doing in the box on Superbowl Sunday! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Homeless Furniture!

    Adores: 0

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