YSaC, Vol. 514: It’s all clear now.

2009 December 13

Madame X – w4m


I have this assignment about The Portrait of Madame X by John Singer Sargent, but I am a foreigner and I dont know
where to start.
Can someone help me on making an outline for the essay?
The keypoints are shown in the picture.

514

First of all, this was listed in Strictly Platonic, so we know that our enterprising student isn’t going to trade sexual favors for this service.

Really, it’s perfectly fine of her to ask for some help. After all, she’s a foreigner, and foreign countries don’t require schoolwork, or research abilities, or the ability to create an outline, so how is she expected to know how to do these things unless an American helps her?

I’m sure if I enlarge the picture, I’ll be able to read the text so I can help our foreign friend with her assignment.

514c

Oh. Hmmm. Maybe she’ll be better off plagiarizing something off the internet. Or she can always ask this guy for help. Or she could use a random postmodernism generator to come up with something.

Thanks, Pam!

96 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 December 13
    screamer permalink

    Why do the work myself if I can find someone else to do it for me?

    Adores: 4
  2. 2009 December 13
    Windrose permalink

    Poor thing! Hope someone teaches her how to Google. And how to scan clearly.

    Adores: 1
  3. 2009 December 13
    pixie721 permalink

    She had someone else place the ad for her. Work is hard and hurts her brain.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 13
      Lola permalink

      Having read it over again, I agree. It’s written well, and while “she” doesn’t directly claim problems with the language, you have to wonder precisely what her “problem” is with writing the essay. Other than the fact that it’s work, of course.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 13
        Rathy permalink

        Outline:

        Premise: Lola is a Witch

        Evidence: Transformed from Pretty Girl to Black Cat overnight

        Sources: YSaC profile phots

        Conclusion: Witchcraft is only possible answer

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 13
          Lola permalink

          That’s not me, it’s my familiar. In the photo he is enjoying some ‘nip. :)

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 13

          Or is Lola a Shapeshifter?

          Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 13
        Igor the Vigorous permalink

        Lola, I’m not so sure. Do you think an American would be able to spell like this on CL? Nope. Physically impossible. Probably a foreigner, because while they may have accents, at least they’re technically correct more than we are… ;)

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 13
          pixie721 permalink

          Responding to Igor:
          I didn’t say that her helper’s native language was English. That’s why she couldn’t get her helper to write her essay for her; they are an ELL, too. Just two foreigners, sitting around in their bras and panties, brushing each others hair, experimenting with each other sexually, and waiting for a big, strong man to do their homework for them. Will you ride up on your white horse to rescue them and then have a pillow fight?

          The whole ad is made of FAIL. She left a cyber-trail leading right back to her door. She could have found a legitimate tutor on campus, so we know she really wants someone to write the essay for her. If you can’t write the outline then you can’t write the essay either.

          Adores: 3
        • 2009 December 13
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Uhm, what? I wasn’t saying anything about a helper.
          I was talking to Lola. What I was saying was that it was probably more likely that a foreigner wrote this ad because even if they’re not terribly good at English, they usually do a lot better with our grammar than we do… And as for this bit: “Just two foreigners, sitting around in their bras and panties, brushing each others hair, experimenting with each other sexually, and waiting for a big, strong man to do their homework for them. Will you ride up on your white horse to rescue them and then have a pillow fight?”

          A) Totally unrealistic, but that would be pretty awesome. B) What the fuck? You’re sounding like something straight out of /b/.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 14
          Lola permalink

          Igor,
          You can ride a horse? That’s always a good skill.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 14
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          :P I can only ride a horse if it’s got a special indentation for my balls and two foreigners are experimenting sexually at my destination… :)

          Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 13
        pixie721 permalink

        Responding to Lola:
        Her problem is that she’s just a girl! *giggles and bats eyelashes*
        Girls can’t think, silly!

        She’s really lowering the bar for the rest of us.

        Adores: 2
  4. 2009 December 13
    arallyn permalink

    You know, I thought the stereotype was that foreign students always were the hardest workers. With this and my S.O.’s former roommates (one of whom disappeared from school and we still get calls about from immigration, one of whom would come in drunk and force my SO out of his own bed), I’m starting to highly doubt this. If I can’t believe in stereotypes, what CAN I believe in?!

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 December 13
      develish1 permalink

      Cheese. You can always count on cheese in my experience.

      Adores: 10
      • 2009 December 13
        arallyn permalink

        Dev, I believe that I will subscribe to your notion of belief in cheese. Would that be Cheese with a capital “C”, or the generic cheese, with a lowercase “c”?

        Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 13
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      Yuo cn alwys beleive ni yuor spelcheker, tahts fuor surre!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 February 15
        Steph permalink

        I feel so ashamed. I could understand that, no problem.

        Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 13
      Igor the Vigorous permalink

      You can always believe… in TOMORROW… Bet yer bottom dollar that tomorrooooowwww….
      Oh, right. Nothing. My quote in psych class: “Although, if you’re sure you’re being open-minded about something, then you’re not being open-minded about your open-mindedness. Therefore, you’re being close-minded. I think the only way to ever be right about anything is to never claim you’re definitely sure or correct about anything…”

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 13
        Lola permalink

        Igor, was that psych, or philosophy? ‘Cause it might work better as the latter.

        Adores: 0
      • 2009 December 13
        junejenny permalink

        I’ve always preferred closeD-minded to close-minded. Is that just a weird thing I came up with, or is one more correct than the other?

        Similarly, I like old-fashionED rather than old-fashion.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 13
          Lola permalink

          I think you’re correct, JJ; however, keeping one’s mind close isn’t a bad idea either. I’d hate to lose track of mine!

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 13
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Lola and Jenny, I didn’t think of this before, but they both apply. If you’re so desperately dedicated to the belief that you’re A) sane and B) right, then you’re probably either wrong or being right ineffectively…

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 14
          Lola permalink

          Not so much sane as just wanting to know where my brain is and what it’s doing …

          Adores: 0
  5. 2009 December 13
    canio6 permalink

    The scan is a visual representation of her fuzzy grasp on the English language, which is perfectly understandable being a foreigner and all. And of course she does not know how to do an outline. Come on, in Soviet Russia essay outline you.

    Adores: 16
    • 2009 December 13

      You know, maybe the image is fuzzy because she’s a Foreigner, and she has Double Vision.

      Adores: 10
      • 2009 December 13
        Lola permalink

        Augh! That’s where I was afraid that link was going! Some things from the past should just be left there.

        Adores: 2
  6. 2009 December 13

    It’s certainly convenient that the title of the painting lends itself so easily to a post heading that sounds like a personal ad.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2009 December 13
    Lola permalink

    I have a print of this painting hanging in my house right now (and can go see it in the museum here with minimal effort), no joke, and am a Sargent fan, and wouldn’t lift a finger to help this lazy cow no matter what country she was from. What a lazy-ass.
    A friend who asked for help understanding a critical text and/or help with editing a paper so that it read better would be one thing; I’ve helped with both (“help” being the critical concept, not “do”). This chick? Wants you to do the work for her. For that, she can twist in the wind for all I care.

    *grumps off to find day’s first cup of coffee*

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 December 13
      Jinx permalink

      Well, you know, Sargent WAS an AMERICAN artist. Just as we Amurkins can’t understand all them sculptures and drarwrings and sech like over in the Yurp, them Yurpeens cain’t unnerstan OUR Illustrious Artistes!

      But then, she needs an outline. And only has keypoints. Ummm, I think my AP English teacher would beath this chica down with a thesaurus!

      Adores: 2
  8. 2009 December 13
    arallyn permalink

    At least she’s not crying home to mommy because the assignment is too hard and either having mommy call and complain or having mommy do it for them.

    True story: my own mom (who wouldn’t stand up for me unless I was comatose or possibly dead) picked up her first undergrad class as an econ professor two years ago. She had an analysis assignment that was given TWO MONTHS before it was due, talked about at least once a week in class, and when she failed a student who didn’t turn it (or anything else) in, she actually got threats on our home phone from his mom. Scary as hell.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 December 13
      Lola permalink

      I can’t stand/don’t understand parents like that. Mine would have said, “It’s your fault, you knew it was coming, and you didn’t prepare! You had time to ask for help! What’s wrong with you?!?” All valid points and questions. I suspect, based on personal observation, that these parents are overly-invested in the success of their children and either push them too much to do things they can’t, or the kid figures out that they can screw off and mommy/daddy will throw their weight around and get them out of it and so doesn’t try. Possibly both. The only time they would have gotten behind me over a grade would have been if I had been able to demonstrate via marked papers that my grade should have been significantly better than what I got (even figuring in class participation, etc.), and even then they would have been supportive, not proactive like that mom.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 13
        arallyn permalink

        I count threatening physical violence less on the “proactive” scale and more on the “why do you have a kid” scale.

        Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 13
          Lola permalink

          Violence? Wow, you didn’t specify that. It’s a grade, FFS! Yikes! Parents like that really are scary as hell.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 13
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Weird. My parents would (at most) e-mail the teacher asking if I could turn it in a day late and get some credit. And that was sixth grade.
          And Arallyn, I don’t think I’d stand for someone threatening me or my friends/family with violence like that. I’d probably either drive them insane or get them to try it on me first. :)

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 December 13
        arallyn permalink

        Well, she reported it to the dean and went about her business. The kid wasn’t punished for his mom’s actions, but was put on academic probation because um…he sucked at school anyway. Nothing ever came of it, and we’re not the type to go to the police to dignify ridiculous threats.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 14
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          Pft. Who said anything about police? I am IGOOOOOR, Guardian of the Great and Mighty Gate to the Gene Pool!
          (Just kidding, of course. :P )

          Adores: 0
  9. 2009 December 13
    Addicted Reader permalink

    I have some labwork to do today in order to get my Ph.D., but I’m lazy and it’s raining out.

    Can someone help me on going in to the lab for me?

    There’s a map below.

    X–|
    | |———-X
    | ——–|

    Adores: 9
    • 2009 December 13
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Hmm, the map looked better in the typing box. I guess I should have checked while I could still edit.

      |-X
      |_____________|——X

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 13

        So wait, after I turn left at the sheep farm, how far is it?

        Adores: 8
        • 2009 December 13
          Windrose permalink

          Well, according to this map, you can’t get there from here.

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 13
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          According to that map, there are two treasure chests buried at the lab. I gotta get moving!

          Adores: 3
        • 2009 December 14
          Runescape Dweeb permalink

          Well, yes, but be sure to bring a super anti-poison potion because when you dig at the right place a Saradomin wizard will appear. You have to defeat him before you can dig again for the chest.

          Adores: 2
  10. 2009 December 13
    PapaSloth permalink

    I did your assignment for you
    http://64.105.86.154/pics/outline4.jpg

    Adores: 25
    • 2009 December 13
      develish1 permalink

      excellent work there PapaSloth. I’ll give that an A.

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 13

      I am SO tempted to email this to the person who posted the ad.

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 December 13
        screamer permalink

        Oh, please do!

        Adores: 2
  11. 2009 December 13
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    “Madame X – w4m”

    Not one of our female commenters is going to notice/ be offended by the fact that the poster is looking for a man to do the assignment for her?

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 13
      develish1 permalink

      actually, I think I’m glad she’s leaving me out of it.

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 13
      Lola permalink

      I did (later, not enough coffee at first) and suspect, particularly given that the writing is so well done, that the school work is secondary. The male helper is the main thrust of the ad.

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 December 13
        Windrose permalink

        *giggle* You said thrust!

        Adores: 5
    • 2009 December 13
      arallyn permalink

      Girl: *running down dorm hall waving papers around* SEXUAL FAVORS for anyone who does my sociology paper! It’s due tomorrow and I don’t want to do it!

      Guy: What’s it on?

      Girl: How far feminism in america has come! Are you in?

      Guy: ….

      —-

      I have no idea where I originally read that, but it made me hit my head on a wall.

      Adores: 11
      • 2009 December 13
        Jinx permalink

        Hubby says this is an example of true feminism. The woman has power, something to trade for something. I think it’s only true if she’ll have sex with ANYONE, not just a guy.

        I point out that old thing “I bought dinner and a movie, now it’s your turn” and women who cry to get things.

        He does agree she’s kinda missing the point of feminism. She has the power to get someone else to do her work for her, but she’s resorting to a not so equal or uplifting manner to get them

        Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 13

      Although, as I pointed out, it is in strictly platonic.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 December 13
        develish1 permalink

        maybe so, but we all know the people who post in that section actually mean “strictly platonic for about an hour”

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 13
          arallyn permalink

          Or “strictly platonic unless I can get something for sex”. They’re not gonna give it up for free, damnit!

          Adores: 1
      • 2009 December 13
        Lola permalink

        Based on my perusal of Strictly Platonic, in my area it appears to equate all too often to NSA hookups. :S

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 14
          GrahamT permalink

          You live in the DC area? :P

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 December 13
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        In Soviet Russian, Strictly Platonic means sex!

        Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 13
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          In Soviet Russia, Sex means YOU!

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 14
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Not JUST in Soviet Russia, baby…

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 14
          Igor the Vigorous permalink

          ;) WIN!
          And if that’s the case, Bianchi, then we’ll have to make special rules for you.
          In Soviet Russia, YOU wear forcibly attached chastity belt!

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 14
          Traveler permalink

          In Soviet Russia, forcibly attached chastity belt wears you!

          Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 13
      Amber permalink

      Hi. I’m the OP. As I chick, it didn’t offend me that she was looking for a male to complete her assignment. Why? Because I think she has no fucking idea what W4M means. Maybe she thinks it’s American code for “Write 4 Me!” or something. Do you think she understands the meaning of “Strictly Platonic”? “Platonic? Must have something to do with Plato. There sure are a lot of academic types on Craig’s List. Maybe someone can help me with my outline. After that, maybe I can pay someone to take my LSATs for me.”

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 December 14
        Traveler permalink

        The confusion about “W4M” seems possible, but “platonic” applied to relationships is not used only in English (“relación platónica” in Spanish, for instance). In fact, I think it must be a very widespread expression, so it’s difficult to believe that she was confused about that part.

        Adores: 0
  12. 2009 December 13

    If I squint JUST right . . . I can make out the words ‘penis,’ and ‘monkey.’

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 13
      develish1 permalink

      That’s nothing, I know people who can do that whilst looking at a blank wall.

      Adores: 7
    • 2009 December 13
      arallyn permalink

      The bottom part says “Evaluative” “The paper will be evaluated on the precumen and acne of your description and eight button acumen”

      I think. Maybe.

      Adores: 2
  13. 2009 December 13

    Hey, btw, how do I get one of those nifty picture icons?

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 13
      pixie721 permalink

      I cannot figure it out, either. I’d appreciate any suggestions from the people who’ve solved the avatar puzzle.

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 13
      Lola permalink

      Gravatar is your friend. You connect an uploaded photo with an email address and then whenever you post and also include that address, the piccy comes up.

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 December 13

        I don’t think Gravatar is working for me. I still can’t see my icon. >.<

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 13
          Lola permalink

          You may have to clear your cache or – as happens in my case – sign off and sign on again. I can see at the side preview that it’s different from what I see here (it’s done that for me before, too), so you probably did do it right. It will eventually appear. :)

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 13

          There we go. :-D

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 13
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Man, you’re lucky you got that to work yourself. I had to find an American on craigslist to do mine for me…

          Adores: 13
  14. 2009 December 13
    ed snyder permalink

    When you aren’t familiar with something and don’t know where to start, the beginning is always an option–especially when dealing with outlines. Another less tested option is to take a lousy picture of the subject matter, log onto your Craigslist account, and try to get someone else to [platonically] do it for you.

    Adores: 1
  15. 2009 December 13
    ed snyder permalink

    In Soviet Russia, essay outlines you.

    Adores: 2
  16. 2009 December 13
    tigprincess permalink

    “I am a foreigner” reminds me of a T shirt worn by John McEnroe once which read “There’s no such thing as a stranger in paradise”. The word student derives from the verb “to study” ie do the f*ing assignment yourself. Now I know why I left university teaching

    Adores: 1
  17. 2009 December 13
    Cyrus permalink

    Post-modernism gives me a headache. The writers in that link could have condensed that down to a paragraph in least. I wonder if they speak like that offline.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 13

      Um, the postmodernism link is a gibberish generator — it automatically generates postmodern-esque nonsense.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 13
        PapaSloth permalink

        But is it a lion yet?

        Adores: 7
  18. 2009 December 13
    Texchanchan permalink

    Here, copy this, misguided one: http://jssgallery.org/paintings/Madame_X.htm
    You’re welcome.

    Adores: 0
  19. 2009 December 13

    Reminds me of the Laura K. Krishna saga.

    http://www.aweekofkindness.com/blog/archives/articles/the_laura_k_krishna_saga/

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 14

      That whole story is kind of horrible and fascinating. I have busted a lot of plagiarists in my time, but none of them ever gave me a paper that referred to Dharma & Greg or included the sentence “I made a doody.”

      Adores: 1
  20. 2009 December 13

    John Singer Sargent is a little bit out of my field of expertise, but I could write up a quick outline for an essay on Professor X instead, if that would work.

    Or Malcolm X. Or the X-Files. Or Malcolm in the Middle.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 13
      Lola permalink

      Can I get one, please Isaac, on Malcolm X-Files? TIA. ;)

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 13

        . . .

        I like ‘Family Guy.’

        . . . thank you.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 13
          arallyn permalink

          I have no idea what you’re talking about with Family Guy, but your blog = superfunplus. Your writing and tastes show a striking resemblance to my significant other, to an almost baffling degree.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 14

          Uhm . . . thank you. Heh. *blush* I appreciate that.

          Always wanted to make a blog that was enjoyable and fun for other people to read, not just for me. So, I did. :-D

          So, again, thank you.

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 14
          canio6 permalink

          Now that is comedy. My wife said, “Dang, you could have written this blog.” It is nice to know someone is writing a blog for me since I am foreign and all.

          Adores: 2
  21. 2009 December 13

    Once again I am obviously not using CL for ALL of the uses it appears to have.

    I just had my boyfriend help me with my homework.. I could have asked someone on CL to do it for me so that we could play Lego Indiana Jones instead. :’(

    Adores: 3
  22. 2009 December 13
    Jinx permalink

    I was unaware of the painting. What first came to my mind was “The Divorce of Madame X”, as performed by Turkey Television. I wonder if that would get an A?

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 14
      Lola permalink

      One hopes that a precis of that is what she turned in – for the FAIL, of course, which is what is deserved when one cheats so blatantly.

      Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 14

      I miss Turkey Television.

      Especially the guy that kept trying to eat different foods with a straight face, while the ‘food’ kept screaming in horrible pain.

      Adores: 0
  23. 2009 December 15
    Shane-For-Wax permalink

    Let me get my glasses… oh wait it’s worse.

    Adores: 0

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