YSaC, Vol. 517: God, I hope this has nothing to do with furries…

2009 December 16

Cat Nanny Required


I am a shift worker and my three cats need tending too.

Due to the pickyness of the cats, you must meet the following strict guidelines:

Female, aged 18 – 25 (proof of ID required)
slim to athletic build.
Outgoing and willing to try new things.
Flexible
good sense of humor
accepting

must be available during odd hours on short notice.

Salary is negotiable based on experience and services rendered.

Hope to hear from you!

Hmm.. Why, exactly, are this person’s cats looking for a prostitute? The key is in the first sentence: “I am a shift worker, and my three cats need tending TOO.” Meaning ALSO. The shift worker needs tending to, and so do the cats. Presumably, the cats’ needs will be addressed in another post.

I’m a bit puzzled about why the CATS are picky about your escorts, however. Our cat’s entire list of criteria for people we bring to the house consists of:

1. Is this person going to feed me?
2. …

…there’s really just the one, now that I think about it.

Thanks for the listing, J.H.!

120 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 December 16
    ToBScholarly permalink

    I wonder how long it will be before someone takes the low road and makes some kind of pussy comment.

    Oops. I think it was just me.

    Adores: 28
    • 2009 December 16

      At least you weren’t a fraidy cat about it.

      Adores: 22
      • 2009 December 16
        Addy permalink

        They probably hope everyone knows they were just kitten.

        Adores: 15
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          I know the feline.

          Adores: 14
  2. 2009 December 16
    sarajean80 permalink

    With my cats, it’s usually:

    1. Do you have food?

    2. Will you scratch my itchy bits?

    3. Do you have food now?

    4. Will you keep my butt warm while I take a four hour nap?

    5. Do you have food now?

    6. Can I sharpen my claws on portions of your anatomy?

    7. Do you have food now?

    8. Are you made of food?

    It sounds more like this asshat is looking for a hooker who likes cats, so he can tell his Mom that he hired someone to look after her pets so she won’t kick him out of the basement and he can still get his freak on.

    Adores: 83
    • 2009 December 16
      queensbee permalink

      winner!

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 December 17
        sarajean80 permalink

        I’m just happy I got to write the words “Will you scratch my itchy bits?” in a completely G-rated context.

        Adores: 9
  3. 2009 December 16
    develish1 permalink

    I agree, although with my cats it’s more like

    1. is there going to be food?
    2. is there going to be food now?
    3. no you can’t sit here, it’s mine
    4. I’m still waiting for the food!

    Adores: 23
    • 2009 December 16
      Ladycrim permalink

      With mine, it’s:

      1) Will you pet me?

      2) Will you give me kitty treats?

      3a) Will you hold absolutely still for hours on end so I can sleep on your lap?
      – or –
      3b) Will you hold your arm absolutely still for the same amount of time so I can settle on it and sleep against your chest while you’re sitting up?

      … Actually, 3b does require a certain amount of arm stamina. Maybe that’s why the guy needs someone of an athletic build?

      Adores: 7
    • 2009 December 16
      develish1 permalink

      oh yes, I’d forgotten one

      5. Can I sleep by your side, using your arm for a pillow, for hours on end? You may not move it, and I will drool.

      Adores: 5
      • 2009 December 16
        sarajean80 permalink

        Firefly has developed a variation in which she will drape herself across the top of my head if I am laying down and reading. When she purrs it sounds like thunder.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          Gaah, I got cut off! There should be another sentence;

          I look like I’m wearing a toupee with feet.

          Adores: 14
      • 2009 December 16
        queensbee permalink

        oh, and i snore, too.

        Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          Have you been reading my diary, queensbee?

          Adores: 0
  4. 2009 December 16
    DervishHeart permalink

    Very peculiar cats he must have. Do they instantly attack anyone over 25?

    Fordy (that’s him on my shoulder) loves me though I am male, 41, slightly chubby, unwilling to try new things and have no sense of humor whatsoever.

    Adores: 59
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      Maybe the cats are ageists?

      My oldest cat Simon is actually terrified of men, so I could see why someone would be particular about who is taking care of their cats. But if all the woman is doing is putting out food and cleaning up, then he is way too specific and is heading out of “Eccentric-land” and is barreling down the Weirdo Highway towards “Insanity City” on the Fetish Express.

      Adores: 19
      • 2009 December 16
        tacomagic permalink

        “Fetish Express” would be a great band name.

        Adores: 10
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          Or the name of an adult-themed convenience store.

          Adores: 10
        • 2009 December 16
          tacomagic permalink

          With drive thru.

          Adores: 11
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          And both full-service and self-service pumps

          Adores: 24
        • 2009 December 16
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Fetish Express. When your bondage gear absolutely, positively has to be there overnight…

          Adores: 14
      • 2009 December 17

        Your cats are named Firefly and Simon? It wouldn’t surprise me if Simon has a sister named River and a girlfriend named Kaylee.

        …..Nerd alert! 🙂

        Adores: 8
        • 2009 December 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          No such luck, although I am a fan of Firefly. Simon’s full name is Simon Jester, from the Heinlein novel The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. Firefly gets her name because she’s almost solid black with little freckles of orange that remind me of fireflies at night. Fearless got her name because an hour after I got her home she managed to wedge herself into an air-conditioning duct while exploring her new home.

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 17
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          That’s a gorram shame!

          Adores: 1
  5. 2009 December 16

    My brain gets stuck on “Flexible.” I keep picturing a contortionist balancing a pet dish on her head while she folds herself into a pretzel shape.

    Adores: 21
    • 2009 December 16
      canio6 permalink

      I see you deciphered my ad perfectly. I mean, uh….

      Adores: 3
    • 2009 December 16
      develish1 permalink

      it was the “services rendered” bit that caught me Isaac, after all just exactly what “services” does his cat require?

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 16
        sarajean80 permalink

        I guess he expects to pay extra if the kitties get a “happy ending.”

        Adores: 6
    • 2009 December 16

      “Willing to try new things” is what’s got me. Does he want a cat sitter who has never taken care of cats? Or something so much worse?

      Adores: 12
      • 2009 December 16

        He doesn’t want just a cat sitter, he wants a “cat nanny.” Given his other requirements, I suspect he wants something far, far worse.

        Adores: 8
        • 2009 December 16
          tacomagic permalink

          Spit spot little kitties. It’s time to clean your litter box, Marry Poppins style.

          *Poo goes floating through the air towards the garbage*

          Adores: 21
        • 2009 December 16

          At least he wasn’t asking for a “cat nurse.”

          Well, not explicitly, anyway. Probably if he needed a lactating lady, he’d have mentioned it.

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 16
          MsDolfinn permalink

          Thanks Isaac…since you mentioned the “cat nurse” naturally the first thought in my head was nurses give baths and considering the way cats prefer to bath…Eww!

          *Goes to bang head repeatedly against wall.*

          Adores: 7
        • 2009 December 16
          develish1 permalink

          There’s boiling bleach in the cupboard if you need it MsDolfinn

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 16
          MsDolfinn permalink

          I do believe I could use a bit at the moment.

          Adores: 0
      • 2009 December 16
        sarajean80 permalink

        Isaac, it sounds like you should be writing for Penthouse Forum. Or maybe CatFancy Forum.

        Adores: 11
        • 2009 December 16

          I can see it now:

          “Dear Cathouse Forum,

          I never thought it could happen to me. He was the sultry feline with the long whiskers in the corner, licking his furry nether regions with sensual grace. I was the slim, athletic cat nanny who could put her legs behind her ears. Two live catnip plants from Petco later, things got out of hand and we both ended up stuck in the oak tree out back. Thank God I’m so open and willing to try new things…”

          Adores: 51
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      Maybe she has to squeeze herself into a cat costume? That would explain the “slim to athletic build.” as well.

      Adores: 6
  6. 2009 December 16

    I just love the fact that he requests proof of ID. How exactly do you provide that? Oh yeah, I have an ID – see I have a picture of the ID and me on vacation in Reno.

    Adores: 14
  7. 2009 December 16
    Windrose permalink

    Proof of ID. And EGO. Get on the couch.

    Adores: 10
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      My inner child don’t wanna. She wants a balloon and cotton candy.

      Adores: 9
      • 2009 December 16
        Windrose permalink

        *punches sarajean’s Don’t Suck card* Come back next week, please.

        Adores: 1
  8. 2009 December 16
    Lola permalink

    *rub eyes*
    *read ad again*
    *blink*
    *rub eyes*
    *think it’s time for coffee because … maybe if I have some and come back it will make more sense*
    “odd hours”
    “salary” … salary? salary?!? A salaried, on-call sex worker and cat sitter? What do you call that? Cat ho? Lady of the litterbox? Keeper of the p*ssy?

    What section was this posted in?

    Someone please tell me that this guy’s “cats” are not his genitalia. There are three of them (the “meat and two veg”), and he doesn’t otherwise describe the “cats” at all except to say that they are picky. That’s it, blame it on the cats. As the police lead him away after finding the woman’s body, he’ll tell the media, “The kitties made me do it. The kitties in my pants.”

    Adores: 45
    • 2009 December 16
      tacomagic permalink

      Thanks for expanding on that Lola.

      I’m gonna go brush my teeth.

      Adores: 7
      • 2009 December 16
        EPanther permalink

        and my brain.

        Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          I can never get all the thinking stains out. All those wrinkles seem to trap the thoughts and get all dingy and grey.

          Adores: 11
        • 2009 December 16
          tacomagic permalink

          Boiling Bleach all around.

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 16
          queensbee permalink

          and my eyeballs.

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      …The kitties made me do it. The kitties in my pants…

      I am amused and disturbed on so many levels right now. And I am really having second thoughts about that “I *heart* Kitties” bumper sticker right now.

      Adores: 5
      • 2009 December 16
        tacomagic permalink

        As long as all the cat people here don’t change their pictures to “kitties” I think we’ll all make it through this.

        Adores: 7
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          All those “kitties”…eww.

          I find it intriguing that Lola has turned what is normally a derogatory term for female genitalia into a humorous reference to male genitalia. I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything.

          Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 16
          Lola permalink

          Any cat pictures I post will be of felines, not that kind of “kitties” (a term I hate to the extent I forgot about its use as a euphemism). The closest approximation to that, visually, that I would ever put up would be some Georgia O’Keeffe flower or something.
          … But right now, Mlle. Deneuve is my avatar and I’m sticking with her.

          Adores: 2
  9. 2009 December 16
    develish1 permalink

    maybe he wants proof of ID to make sure she’s “legal”? Perhaps he’s had issues in the past with his previous, erm, nannies, who turned out to be a little under age.

    That might also explain the “short notice” part, the case is pending and he doesn’t know when he be called into court next.

    Adores: 7
    • 2009 December 16
      MsDolfinn permalink

      Or when the next time his Viagra is going to kick in…

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 16

        Well, you know, if that thing lasts longer than 4 hours, he…errr, the kitties..must seek medical attention.

        I’d bet anything he’s got a hidden “nanny cam” in the house.

        Adores: 4
  10. 2009 December 16
    lost_compass permalink

    I wonder if “cat nanny” could mean something like a hootenanny? A little party with a busty young lady fresh from the hayloft, with big stompy boots and a banjo… only with cats somehow involved?

    It does look like he wants to have a ho down.

    Adores: 12
    • 2009 December 16

      Caterwauling + Hootenanny = Cat Nanny?

      Catechism + Lilorfanannny* = Cat Nanny?

      Adores: 8
      • 2009 December 16

        * Lilorfananny = The optimistic belief that the sun will come out tomorrow. Represented by unseeing, white, pupil-less sclera.

        Adores: 12
        • 2009 December 16
          marn permalink

          ouch.

          Adores: 0
  11. 2009 December 16

    Oh yes, she needs a good sense of humor. Maybe these cats need someone to watch their standup comedy act.

    Adores: 9
    • 2009 December 16
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      A Persian, an Abyssinian, and a Manx walk into a bar…

      Adores: 13
      • 2009 December 16

        …The bartender looks at the Manx and asks “Hey buddy, what’s your tail of woe?”

        Adores: 7
  12. 2009 December 16
    Colleen in MA permalink

    Don’t even think of hiring a cat handler for me. You know where to find me – up in the attic smoking and writing in my diary. I’ll come down when I need some head scratching.

    Misty T. Cat

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      Just don’t visit with theGreen Fairy too often or we might have to confine you to the cat asylum.

      Adores: 4
  13. 2009 December 16

    Advert for a cat house?

    Adores: 7
  14. 2009 December 16
    Kate permalink

    Clearly, this guy has some rare and exotic breeds, due the specificity of their desires.

    One of them is clearly a Bouncer Kitteh. They like to hang out in your porch or on your front lawn, and will demand ID of any and all visitors. Unless you’re on the list, only the pretty ladies are getting in. Since this guy works shifts, he has no time to update or approve the list, so he’s just making it easy on himself.

    Everything else is just to ensure that his Bartender Kitteh and Table Dancer Kitteh aren’t taken in the wrong light. It’s hard to own a rare breed, people just don’t understand the joy they can bring to the right owner.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 December 16
      Lola permalink

      Is the Table Dancer Kitteh breed any relation to Scratching Post/Pole Dancer Kitteh? Because I think I’ve known some people who owned those.

      Adores: 1
  15. 2009 December 16
    Ed Snyder permalink

    I’ve had plenty-o cats. None were this discerning. I’ve never actually had a cat that would listen to my jokes at all so I’m mostly caught up with the whole “must have a good sense of humor” thing.

    Do the cats roll there eyes when they hear bad jokes? I get that a lot, but only from other people. Never from cats.

    Adores: 6
    • 2009 December 16
      Ed Snyder permalink

      In Soviet Russia, eyes roll you.

      In Soviet Russia, cat humors you.

      Adores: 6
      • 2009 December 16
        Rathy permalink

        NEWS FLASH:

        Retired Navy man Ed Snyder discovers a hidden stash of unused Yakov Smirnoff jokes! Apparently he had stored them his cold war era bomb shelter “…for when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.” He then added: “In Soviet Russia, monkeys turn radiation into you!”

        Adores: 11
        • 2009 December 16

          In Soviet Russia, Party comes late to you!

          Adores: 5
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          In Soviet Russia, stash finds you!

          Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 16
          Lola permalink

          In Soviet Russia, it’s actually Stash who finds you. Stash is short for Stanislaus*. And you don’t actually want him to find you. This is the man who made “disappear” into an adjective – to be “disappeared.”

          *This is actually true.

          Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 16

          “Monkeys turn radiation into you!”

          So that’s how the transporter beam works! Infinite Monkey Drive!

          Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          I can hear Scotty now;
          “I canna do nao moor, Cap’n, the moonkies, they arr flingin’ as fast as they can!”

          Adores: 19
      • 2009 December 17
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        In Soviet Russia, cat LOLs you!

        Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 16
      Ed Snyder permalink

      And everyone, thanks for not pointing out my “there v. their” typo. I noticed it a little too late to edit it. (I almost typed “a little to late to edit it” just now which would not have been good.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 December 16
        arallyn permalink

        I wanted to, but I figured that it was a slip-up and not just ignorance 😛 If somenoe uses the wrong homophone because of ignorance, THAT’S when I correct! 😀

        Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 16
        Windrose permalink

        Ed, you almost got sucked into a Grammar Self-Slap loop! You post to correct a typo, and make another typo, so you post AGAIN to correct that, and make another typo! Oh, the humanity!

        Adores: 4
        • 2009 December 16
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          In Soviet Russia, typo corrects ED!

          Adores: 7
      • 2009 December 16
        Jen permalink

        *coughcough-unclosedparentheses-coughcough*

        And agree with arallyn – slipups aren’t mock-worthy, but general ‘tardedness is.

        Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 16
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          *coughcough-slip ups-coughcough*

          Unless you’re correcting someone else…

          Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 16

          *coughcough* slip-ups takes a hyphen *coughcough*

          Adores: 3
        • 2009 December 16
          Windrose permalink

          *hands out vit. C and cough drops*

          Adores: 5
        • 2009 December 17
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          *coughcough* In Soviet Russia, hyphen takes slip-ups *coughcough*

          *coughcough* Air is so bad here in Soviet Russia *coughcough*

          *coughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcough*

          Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 17
          FireManSteve-O permalink

          You guys intimidate the shit out of me. I post with a great amount of fear and trembling, for fear of a beating. Thanks for taking it easy on me so far.

          Adores: 4
  16. 2009 December 16
    Rathy permalink

    “Salary is negotiable based on experience…”

    Is this an inverse scale? Because when it comes to hookers – pardon me, “cat nannies” – it seems like less experience would be preferable.

    Adores: 6
  17. 2009 December 16
    GrahamT permalink

    I can only take comfort in knowing that most slim, athletic build 18- to 25-year-old females have developed enough of a sense to detect deviant perves who overestimate their own cleverness.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 16
      tacomagic permalink

      You’ve never been to a sorority rush party have you?

      Adores: 7
      • 2009 December 16
        GrahamT permalink

        I have been but I couldn’t get any, for some reason…

        Adores: 1
  18. 2009 December 16
    sarajean80 permalink

    This has low-budget horror film written all over it.

    A young, bubbly and not-too-bright co-ed answers a CraigsList ad, not knowing it would end in terror.
    “Oh, I love kitties! I’d love to take care of the sweet little smootchie-wookiums.” a Marty Feldman look-alike opens a creaking door to a falling down house that resembles Bates Manor.
    “Right this way, my dear. The kitties are in the basement…”
    Fade to black to the sounds of blood-curdling screams, insane laughter, and theremin music.

    Adores: 12
    • 2009 December 16
      GrahamT permalink

      DO IT.

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 16
      Lola permalink

      Anything with theremins = I’m in.

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 December 16

        There: I’m in, too.

        Adores: 3
        • 2009 December 16
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          There, there!

          Adores: 0
        • 2009 December 17
          Windrose permalink

          YSaC, Now with Theremin!

          Adores: 0
  19. 2009 December 16
    jackie31337 permalink

    Am I the only one who “charitably” interpreted this as a post from a crazy cat lady seeking a body double for herself to cater to her cats’ every whim while she’s at work? It’s still strange and creepy, but in a different way.

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      If the OP was asking for a tall 30s-ish beet farmer with glasses and no sense of humor, I would think it was Angela.

      Adores: 5
    • 2009 December 16
      Colleen in MA permalink

      Huh. Well, I didn’t see it that way but I guess it’s possible. I think you just called all of us out on being horribly jaded Craigslist cynics!

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 December 16

      But what Crazy Cat Lady would describe herself (or her doppelgänger) as being 18-25 years of age? That seems weirdly specific.

      Adores: 1
  20. 2009 December 16
    Cled permalink

    How on earth is the web boss llama-nun ever going to pick the best comment out of this lot?

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      I would like to nominate Coco’s Cathouse Forum letter. I think I dislocated a rib laughing.

      And on a side note; Yay! I get to punch my “You Don’t Suck” Comment Card! 🙂

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 16
        Cled permalink

        And a well deserved punch it is, too. Wait. That doesn’t sound right.

        Adores: 2
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          Thanks, Cled! I know what you mean 🙂

          Adores: 1
      • 2009 December 16

        I’d second that nom-nom-nomination. Coco shoots and scores.

        Adores: 2
      • 2009 December 16

        *bows slightly self-consciously*

        Thank you! I’m here all week. Try the Friskies!

        Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          I was looking forward to Chinese food. Do you have any Mao Mix?

          Adores: 6
        • 2009 December 16

          No, but we do have Purina Phở Plan, if I could tempt you with some Thai.

          Adores: 1
  21. 2009 December 16
    GrahamT permalink

    Aww, it looks like the listing has been flagged for removal already. I was really looking forward to getting to know this chap.

    Adores: 2
  22. 2009 December 16
    TigerShark permalink

    “must be available during odd hours on short notice.”
    Basically, when I’m lonely and horny, you better be ready!

    And, the good sense of humor I’m sure refers to the joke that’s in his pants.

    Adores: 7
  23. 2009 December 16
    Colleen in MA permalink

    I once had a cat sitter for Misty who picked Misty in the middle of a nap. My cat woke up, freaked, and bit her. How do I know this? The sitter called me during my vacation to let me know she had to go to the emergency room – she is horribly allergic to cat bites. The doctor wanted to know the name of the cat and the cat’s owner but the cat sitter declined. Called me on vacation to tell me all this.

    So let’s look at the scorecard:

    female, aged 18 – 25 – no
    slim to athletic build – no
    outgoing and willing to try new things – she didn’t see a conflict of interest between watching cats and being allergic to cat bites
    flexible – she offered to watch my cat again, continued to send me marketing emails, is available on holidays
    good sense of humor – hard to tell through the martyred tone in her voice
    accepting – yes, she didn’t sue me for medical reimbursement

    If I can get the original poster to see beyond this retired lady’s appearance and see her qualifications, we might have a match!

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 December 16
      sarajean80 permalink

      You think that would be something the sitter would disclose.
      “I’d love to watch your cat, as long as it doesn’t bite me, because then my throat could swell close and I could die.”

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 December 16
        arallyn permalink

        Maybe she didn’t know until she got bit! I mean, it’s not generally something you test for on an allergy screening…cat dander, sure, but cat saliva? Who the hell tests for cat saliva?

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 16
          sarajean80 permalink

          You have a point, but isn’t cat dander made partially from dried cat saliva? Aren’t they pretty much soaked in the stuff?

          Adores: 1
        • 2009 December 16
          arallyn permalink

          shit if I know. I know it took my brother forever to get an accurate diagnosis that he was allergic to rat saliva, which is why his forearms were constantly swollen.

          rats lick themselves more than cats and he wasn’t allergic to their dander, so I guess it’s separate?

          Adores: 0
    • 2009 December 16
      GrahamT permalink

      The mark of a professional cat sitter is unwillingness to disclose the name of one’s client even while undergoing anaphylaxis.

      Adores: 7
      • 2009 December 16
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        I LOVE the new cd “Cat Nanny” by Ana Phylaxis!

        Adores: 5
        • 2009 December 16
          GrahamT permalink

          I felt like she sold out after “Mine Hores.”

          Adores: 6
    • 2009 December 17
      Alex permalink

      Your story reminds me of a story that is not really all that closely related at all. I’m a pet sitter (a legitimate one). This guy called me at the last minute to ask me to sit for his dogs over the weekend–wife out of town, he had the opportunity to go on a camping trip with his pals, etc. I agreed, dashed out to meet him and the dogs right before he left on his trip. He seemed like kind of an ass, but the dogs were nice (Goldens), and I wasn’t going to have to actually interact with him beyond the one meeting that was already happening, so I agreed.

      When I took the dogs out for the first time, I made the startling discovery that his backyard was *full of beehives*. Previously undisclosed beehives. I expect I would still have taken the job if I had known about them–really, the only reason I would refuse the client would if I were allergic (which I happen not to be, although I have relatives who are).

      If you raise bees, you have to know that they’re a hazard, right? You know that lots of people aren’t especially fond of them, and some people can be killed by even one sting. And this asshole decided to just *not mention them* so that I wouldn’t have a chance to decline the opportunity to work near this hazard. And he lived in the country, too, with no neighbors within shouting distance. If I were allergic, and had been stung, he’d have come home to find my bloated corpse in his yard.

      (Additionally, for those not in the know, modern beehives basically look like file boxes. I saw them and thought, “Huh? Are those stacks of file boxes, or–yup, beehives.” But many, if not most, people aren’t going to recognize a beehive from a distance, and wouldn’t know to be careful to stay away from them.)

      Adores: 2
  24. 2009 December 17

    Typical conversation twixt me and my cat goes like this…

    Me: Hello there little man, how was your day? Miss me?

    Cat: Meow – which roughly translated means – “I don’t hear ‘tuna’ in any of that…the litterbox is dirty, my water bowl needs cleaning and filling, and if I can’t have tuna at least fill the food bowl with those kibble-thingies so I can turn my nose up at it, show you my arse, and hide under the bed for another two hours.”

    Adores: 12

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