YSaC, Vol. 565: Will they also have to Get It On?
I know that a lot of folks are looking for jobs on Craigslist. We here at YSaC are all about helping out.*
*This may not actually be true.
Looking for someone to ring a gong in my living room when prompted. Part time position, I imagine mostly weekends. Experience not necessary, but history of gong-related ceremony in bloodline preferred. Serious inquiries only.
As I understand it, proper gong-ringing does not just involve thwacking the heck out of the thing with a stick. It needs to be prepared properly so that it resonates fully. I applaud this person for seeking someone who is biologically adapted to the high-pressure environment of living room gong playing.
But maybe sitting around in someone's living room waiting to spontaneously percuss isn't your ideal vocation. Perhaps you prefer something a little more ... supernatural. I've got just the jobs for you behind the cut.
I need a certified vampire hunter immediately, I fear for my life everyday. There is someone in my presence who I suspect is a vampire. For non believers, you need not reply, as you are of no concern to me. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.. I will demand a copy of your certification, and will pay you $50 per hour for your time and investigations.
I wonder if this guy was actually successful, and this post was written by his aunt?
What? It could happen.
Seeking someone to check home for ghosts
I believe my house may be haunted with the ghost of a 12 year old boy who died of syphlis in the 1930s. Each night once the sun goes down I suddenly hear a loud grunting coming from one of my bathrooms followed by screams and someone yelling "ouch it burns". This has now gone on for 2 weeks and I have also found some items such as my bottle of rogaine and deodorant misplaced throughout the house. I know it is no one who lives there as we are all gone during the day. I am looking for someone who can come and search my home for ghosts and if possible remove them. I would like something similar to the ghostbusters movie where you can capture this ghost and remove it from the premises right away. I cannot sleep at night as I constantly stay awake in fear that the ghost may take advantage of me sexually in my sleep. I do not care what you do with the ghost once you capture it I just don't want it here.
Wait, let me make sure I understand what you're saying. You're afraid that the ghost of a 12-year old boy who died of syphilis might take advantage of you in your sleep. And you're convinced of this because at night, you hear someone yelling "Ouch! It burns!" and then find your Rogaine misplaced.
Well, that makes perfect sense, then. Carry on.
Thanks, Coyote Al and Katherine!