YSaC, Vol. 590: And in the ‘perpetuating stereotypes’ category …
2010 February 27
jeff fox werthy – $25
I am selling a Jeff foxwerthy complete read neck dictionary
Call text xxxxxxx
There are two things that horrify me about this. The first is that Sparky can’t spell Jeff Foxworthy’s name — or the word redneck — correctly, even though the book is right in front of him.
The other is that Jeff Foxworthy is still milking the “You might be a redneck if” shtick. And has multiple books published on that theme. I guess it proves the rooster with a typewriter theory.
Wait, I’m sorry, there’s a third thing … the fact that Sparky is trying to sell this book for $25, when it’s listed for $13.60 at Amazon.com. (The Kindle edition is only $9.99!)
You might be a redneck if …
Thanks, Erin!
Obviously, the OP’s family tree doesn’t fork. 8/
Ew.
And/or the gene pool needs chlorine.
Just give the word.
Got it.
*whispers*
What is the word this time? I forgot it.
The bird. The bird is the word.
Crap. I thought you said “grease is the word.”
It does explain why my car stopped squeaking though. Thanks, Graham!
The instructions I got were very clear about this. We’re not supposed to tell anyone that the password is swordfish, no matter how nice they ask. So, sorry, Lola, I can’t tell you the password.
Isaac: Pratchett password corollary proven – or referenced, either is fine. Plus elebenty internets.
Would that be the Death of Passwords? (or offsping of same?)
No, no, Lola. Not Pratchett, Marx.
Pratchett’s obviously referring to that – his take is that no matter the circumstances where or when, people always come up with “swordfish” as the PW. I had forgotten the primary material, though – thanks for the edumacation. 🙂
There’s actually a Wikipedia page about just this phenomenon. And what other password could there be? Sturgeon?? That’s ridiculous.
I thought the word was New England clam chowder
I didn’t realize it was that prevalent, though I do remember noticing it in the Mad Men ep as well. What hath Marx wrought? Groucho, of course, not Karl.
I always wanted to mess with my IT dept and use “what” as my password. Then, when someone needed to access my computer, they could ask, “What is the password?” and I would reply “You got it.”
I think it’s actually a redneck trap. Sparky bought the swing set but failed to read that it didn’t come with a deer. He happened to have a copy of the book that his Aunt Myrna gave him for Christmas and thought it might be good bait to get a redneck to fill in for the missing deer. He would have gone out and hunted a deer but after that incident last fall…..
Found another typo: It should be dichshen airy, not this ‘dictionary’ crap he’s going on about. People seriusly need skooling.
If TacoMmMmMagic were here, I’m sure he’d be able to correct all the spelling problems.
I only realised a couple of days ago the new spelling of his name. Or speeling. Either way.
Actually, the book is free – they’re just trying to cover the expenses. $20.00 for the photo in the ad, and an additional $5.00 to remove the monkey shot.
Maybe he has the book tattooed on his “read neck” and he’s charging $25 for a look…
Makes sense if he used the previously mentioned “tattoo artiest with 16yrs experence”
“… Jeff Foxworthy is still milking the “You might be a redneck if” shtick.”
I think he’s moved on to more general redneck jokery. And anyway, isn’t that kind of like saying it’s amazing that Eddie Izzard is still milking that transvestite thing?
The difference may be that Izzard is funny in or out of women’s clothing. Or that he’s funny at all.
I bet Jeff Foxworthy in drag would be pretty funny.
Especially if he were just strolling down the main street of Branson in a flower-print muumuu, getting pelted with empty cans of Miller hurled from the passing pickups.
Except the transvestite thing really isn’t a “schtick” for Eddie Izzard. And he performs in men’s clothing, too.
I fail to see the difference. Granted, Izzard is way funnier than Foxworthy is or ever was, but still… write what you know.
I don’t think dressing up in women’s clothing is considered “drag” for a British comedian. It’s more like putting on your work clothes.
Don’t forget Canadians.
Wish my neck could read. Then I could get homework done in my sleep.
I much prefer if my butt could read. After all, my cat sits on the Sunday paper I would like to read, so she must be doing something right.
“If you sell my book on Craig’s list for way more than it’s worth and spell the title wrong even with the book in front of you…you might be a redneck.”
the level of asshattery never fails to amaze me. i gotta go get some chlorine.
What situation would you be in that you needed to consult a redneck reference library, including this particular work? Does this cover all dialects? We have 5 dialects just in the county I live in, so I am going to need a complete volume of works, and what if I travel to the Palouse? Oh man, there is another volume there too. Just kidding Lola, 😉
There IS another dialect there, Steve-O, no need to apologize for a fact! I lived in the Silver Valley before I lived in the Palouse (long enough ago that it was probably before you were born, now that I think about it) and while the difference may not be noticeable to those from elsewhere, it exists.
As a professional aside, your phrase “redneck reference library” makes me cringe. I’m a librarian, and am boggling at what books would be included in the collection. Suggestions? 8)
Flattened Fauna, Revised: A Field Guide to Common Animals of Roads, Streets, and Highways by Roger M. Knutson
..
Grandma Trixie’s Moonshine Grape Wine (Moonshine Recipes) by Grandma Trixie
The Jumbo Duct Tape Book by Tim Nyberg
Roadkill Cooking for Campers by Charles G. Irion
Art & Science of Dumpster Diving by John Hoffman
Decorating JunkMarket Style by Sue Whitney
Well for starters you’re gonna want “Vermin Is Good Eatin” by Squirrely McCoy, Delbert Fixit’s “101 Uses For Ductape” , “Don’t Toss That Broken Sofa: A Redneck Guide To Front Porch Decor”, and “Trucks On Cinderblocks ThroughThe Ages.”
Of course you would want to display your collection with pride. I suggest bookshelves made from rotted plywood and bricks, artfully lit with Christmas lights, just below your prized velvet Elvis Last Supper. Throw in some beer can and fishing lure garland and you might just be the envy of the trailer park.
Whoops, should have refreshed before replying. Penguin’s list is far more comprehensive 🙂
The scary thing is that those are actual books I found listed at Amazon.
I would also include some classics:
The Tail of Two Trailer Parks
Daisy Duke
Crime and Plea Bargaining
Far From the Maddening Crowd (surviving Black Friday at WalMart)
The House of the Seven Junkers
The Importance of Being Employed
Withering Hops
This Side of Parole
The Turn of the Screwdriver (how to break into to your own home after forgetting your keys in your wife’s sister’s bedroom)
A Double-wide With A View
In the multimedia section: DVDs of the entire seven-season run of The Trailer Park Boys (speaking of Canadians).
http://www.trailerparkboys.com/
OT: I’m listening to streamed BBC Radio 4 right now and they just had some tape from a political figure (name missed) dropping f-bombs all over the place. I’ve never heard that in the States.
There’s a bar in Dallas called The Doublewide. The decor is exactly what you would expect, including 70s era velour cushioned sofas and a few velvet nudes with some classy Loretta Lynn hairstyles. They often have redneck inspired drink specials, which I’ve never felt inclined to try, such as white russians made with yoohoo.
Pictorial Guide to Auto and Truck Repair
Wage Rates for Welders
Current Scrap Metal and Recyclable Materials Prices
Field Dentistry
Coping with the Tragedy of not being a Grandparent at 40
Copin’ Wit Educated Kids
If we are adding DVD’s and Canadians then the entire run of the Red Green show is a “must include”
Agreed, HamCan, Red Green, plus:
http://www.amazon.com/Vernes-Northern-White-Trash-Etiquette/dp/1583485422/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267299615&sr=1-1
I gave it to a friend’s husband who is from Minnesota. He (typically) quietly loved it.
Hey Graham, Red Green is another guy that loves duct tape.
A rival? Hmmm…
Not a worthy adversary in the looks department, just the awesome department.
Just when you begin to gain faith in humanity once more, this kind of person strikes.
Punch me, punch me!
But not in the face. I’m still a little sore from the wisdom teeth thing.
*gentle punchity-punch-punch* Congrats, Isaac, and next time you get the first comment box, I’m going back to bed. 8)
Yay! That’s three punches for me, plus something that looks like a hanging chad.
So … according to the M&M abacus, I’m up to 1.81 deciTacos.
1.81 deciTacos? Wow! That’s 4.68939 Spinach Toothpaste in Cat Math.
$20 this is a stealth parody of the people that would apparently buy/enjoy this book.
OT – cat math at its finest:
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
What was all this about “red necks”?
Yours is terracotta, N.A. Lionel. Not the same.
On a somewhat related note, N.A. Lionel is a fantastic alternative to O’Doul’s for those who get hurt dancin’ on the ceiling.
Banner ads: local asbestos removal, acoustic tile removal, and stucco fixing. Don’t get the connection with red necks.
I’ve got custom stadium cups and coffee mugs, presumably triggered by that of our omniscient overseer, bees be with her.
I got Austin singles, stadium cups and drywall. And I can connect all three to Willie, bbq, and football.
Austin singles, stadium cups and drywall. And I can connect all three to Willie, bbq, and football.
LoL!
Teach ya to live too close to Travis Co.
Mine is stadium mugs, coffee cups and ragtag sales. Or, your average drywaller’s Saturday out shopping
I got “Sublimination Blanks”…which I think should be band name of the day.
I went down to Kyle today. First time I had been on the south side of Austin in at least three years. Southpark Meadows is now a shopping center. When did that happen?
Oh – the friend I went to visit told me the guy she had been seeing was a former guitarist for Willie. I just can’t seem to get away from the guy.
Used to be a right noce smokehous in Kyle, couple decades ago. But, that was back when the frontage road sprawl did not extend from Austin to San Antonio. Or, for that matter, when it was not built up solid north of town from Roundroick all the way in.
Dang, now I have a hankerin’ for Artz Ribs (should not have stood in all that smoke at the Texas Independance celebration at Washington-on-the-Brazos State Park; I smell like a Smokehouse Shiner tastes).
penguin, I think that shopping center cropped up some time in 2008. It was there the last time I was home for Christmas, and it hadn’t been there the time before.
I cannot believe you posted this today, because last night I finally got to see Foxworthy live. I had great seats, to the side granted, but 4th row. He came waaay back in 2003, but I was on a trip. And even though my mom got to go, she had just undergone major surgery and was afraid of busting a stitch. I nearly busted my gut too. This is just hilarious. And he isn’t doing much standup anymore, now that he has “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?”
Admitting you went to see Foxworthy is the first step to recovery. Good job. We’re all rooting for you.
Now, I don’t know if I should ask, but recovery from what?
If you have to ask, you might be a redneck.
Hi kids! I know, a rare Saturday appearance of yours truly…so, please contain your excitement.
OT…and I think the universe has tilted in some manner, for I bring you another installment in “CAT MATH IN ACTION”…
And, I swear I don’t go looking for these…but yesterday whilst undergoing the torture…erm…treatment…that is necessary for my seriously effed up neck – hey YOU try having FIVE car accidents and one horse accident and see how your neck feels – anywho…whilst lying there, swathed in moist warm towels, I looked up…on the wall…above my head…was this:
“Did you know? 9+7=4”
It was on some poster for some local high school’s basketball team.
I lie there, blinking, unable to figure out how basketball teams used the equation…I’ll admit, I’m not a sports genius, but seriously??
Not sure if I should cry for the children or laugh…either way, we are doomed.
It does, in mod-12.
I’m sue the corey answer involves the school’s division, or the jersey numbers of the star players, or the number of wins. But I’m going with the assumption that this is probably an acceptable answer for an athlete who must maintain a certain GPA to stay on the team.
Similarly off topic: Yesterday’s post actually inspired my husband to solve a home remodeling dilemma we’ve been having. I spent the morning shopping for Waynes coating (which my husband kept calling Wayne Sporting because he couldn’t remember the correct wrong name). Cat math was definetly involved in Lowes’ pricing schemes.
Am I the only one who thinks the poster is Foxworthy desperately trying to get some free publicity?
is Foxworthy desperately trying to get some free publicity?
Except he doesn’t need any. He’s a elbenty-aire in residutals and royalties now, above and beyond having decent-paying gigs, plus the game-show announcer bit.
He’s said that he’d almost like to have another “schtick” but he really can’t avoid the one he created by accident. Even when he tries, people bring him more material.
I saw Foxworthy once in Vegas. It was a trade I had to make so my husband would go with me to see Mamma Mia! I actually liked it more than I thought I would. He was pretty funny and he didn’t do a lot of Redneck jokes. (and my husband liked Mamma Mia! more than he thought he would too-but then we are old enough to remember when ABBA first came out).
I’ve been resisting the urge to do this, but there’s never enough weekend comments anyway so here goes:
If you’re friends can’t figure out why tigers make you point, laugh, and say “Not.a.lion”…
You might be addicted to YSaC
Now come on, you know you want to add to the list…
If you can’t see an armoire without bursting into song, you might be addicted to YSaC.
If you ask the car salesperson if the shell is minty, you might be addicted to YSac.
If you recognize the abstract quilty-avatars of regular posters and know when the ones with graphic ones change their picture (and possibly even the story behind them), you might be addicted to YSaC.
If a situation that makes no sense arises, and you refer to it as “cat math,” you might be addicted to YSaC.
nevermind.
If you are up at 6 fricking am on weekends and days off because you can’t wait for the new post, you might be addicted to YSac.
If you’re sitting in your favorite pub with your bestest friends on a Saturday night, engaged in a conversation with a raving hottie and ignoring them while you search your blackberry for YSaC postings, laughing like a madman at a tie-dye bird and cats before having drinks, you might be addicted to YSaC. that would just be sad.
If you’re sitting in the ICU waiting room, have your brother bring up YSaC on his lap top, and make everyone around you look at Not.A.Lion posts, you just might be addicted.
OK – maybe not funny, but I really did do that. It was a lot better than staring at the clock waiting for the next visiting session.
True, it’s been a long time… but he’s feeding his family and contributing to the national GDP, so that’s more than a lot of us are managing. And he’s doing it without forcing us to watch him chase blondes and go to prison.
And, his interview with Craig Ferguson, in which they discuss French rowers’ chances on Georgia rivers, is a thing of beauty. One in a hundred thousand southerners’ are quick-witted — fox werthy got lucky.