YSaC, Vol. 593: Shenanigans all around!
Free large paper mache’ Vagina to good home… HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS
Made this a couple of years ago, some of the mache’ is crackly – comes with 5 large tin foil balls. FREE to a good home!
I call shenanigans.
I think someone went to a modern art museum, took this picture, and decided to have some fun. I can’t prove this theory, because I don’t know who did this piece or what museum it’s in. It’s the display that’s giving it away for me. It’s too well lit, and too well-presented. Plus there’s six balls, not five — though that may have just been a Craigslist-normal cat math error.
And, just above it, I swear you can see the reflection of a frame in the floor. If this was CSI-Craigslist I could zoom in, increase the resolution, fill in the missing pixels, deepen the contrast between the somethingtechnicalsounding and identify what painting was being reflected and thus what museum this is in. (Not that anyone can actually do that UNLESS they’re on a CSI show, speaking of calling shenanigans.)
This person sucks at Craigslist, AND at modern art. Why, this is clearly an abstract representation of the breaching of the walls surrounding Athens in the Peloponnesian War, and as such represents man’s inhumanity to man. (Something ALWAYS represents man’s inhumanity to man.)
Wait, I call shenanigans on that, too.
Thanks, Ashley!
MORE FOIL BALLS!
I hope they’re pristine…
Of course they are, it’s a requirement after all.
You can never tell with these craigsList ads. There’s no telling who has had their hands on those balls.
Or that vagina.
They could be Schweddy Balls, for all we know.
TmM: even better than pristine; they’re minty! Hooray for minty balls!
I want comment on this, but cannot think of a way that does not incriminate me in some fashion. 8)
Why’s that…you have experience with minty balls?
I don’t kiss and tell.
Oh, I totally call shenanigans. But maybe, just maybe, it’s a mom selling her daughter’s science fair project. I wonder what grade it got?
I bet it got a +
I bet it got her detention. And a lot of the boys asking for her phone number.
Heehee! I remember detention. It was the most creative period of the day. 🙂
*whispers*
It’s good to have you back, Meredith.
Why shank you!
Reminds me of my rectal exam. I got a straight A.
Nah, couldn’t have gotten a good grade – it’s a one-legged vagina. Trying to stand up on one leg while surrounded by minty balls is just looking for disaster.
Science Project? With no M&Ms? Can’t be.
I feel like a song is in that somewhere…
“With your Cat Math and Chocolate Science…”
Edit: Holy crap, I just got the beginnings of a YSaC song starting in my head, to the tune of FreezePops “Science Genius Girl”….oh caffeine, our love/hate relationship is so bittersweet.
You know where this came from, don’t you? It was in that pile of crap…erm…art installation out in front the government office from a few weeks back.
Some enterprising schmoe bought the stuff and is now selling it piecemeal.
Either that or it’s an interpretaion of a figurative representation of some other snooty words that end in “tion”, all of which represents the downfall of man into the depths of Hades.
Or not.
Actually I think somebody just found a model of platelet cell adhesion and painted it silver.
Oooh!! Band name! And, I think…corey??
“Platelet Cell Adhesion”…now appearing at the 40-Watt! They’ll perform some of their biggest hits, including:
“Don’t Call Us Thrombocytes!”
“We Will, We Will, Clot You”
…and always a crowd favorite…
“Everyone Plasma Good Time”
You forgot “Yo Baby, You’re Just Not My Type”
and their masterful cover remix of Alice Cooper’s “Only Women Bleed”
“Platelet Cell Adhesion”…now appearing at the 40-Watt!”
Would they have Helper T-Cells opening for them?
Supporting acts also on the bill:
The Corpuscles
Royal Hemophilia
Out, Out, Damn Clot
Opening lyrics to ‘Paint it Silver’ performed by Platelet Cell Adhesion
I see a vagina and I want to paint it silver,
I see minty balls and I want to pain them silver,
I see the girls go by dressed in their silver clothes…
From an artistic standpoint, I want to “tion” it.
Egad, just got an email from a lurker not quite drawn into our YSaC web. Said worthy claims this is a depiction of an aneurysm or herniation. To which I have already responded by sendign them a Corey nametag.
But, Tinfoil Aneurysm could probaly take Platelet Cell Adhesion in a Battle of the Bands,ands,ands
Lurker, reveal thyself!!
I’m pretty sure it was surgically removed from that Daniel Edward’s “Pregnant Britney Spears” statue.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH, the memories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pass the brain bleach.
I HAVE AN ART DEGREE I CAN DISCERN WHAT THIS IS.
Wait. No. I can’t. Damn useless degree….
Next on Stephanie’s life: Law school or MBA? You decide!
I was going to join the circus, actually. PLOT TWIST.
Yeah, but there are clowns at the circus. Hope you can sleep.
Maybe I’ll start one of those “clown-free” circuses.
So… you’re going to create a gymnastics meet then?
With a Not.A.Tiger-tamer?
One of our past Prime Ministers in the UK ran away from the circus – how boring must you be to go from circus to politics? (John Major for those who remember him).
I’m still sniggering at Free Vagina to good home has seen better days – isn’t there a woman attached?
John Major? I always thought he was boring, and that’s proof.
It’s not the degree that’s useless, it’s that this is a pile of crap and not art.
Not.A.Art?
Huh?
I hope this is real. I’ve been looking for something to replace the terracotta vagina I broke a few months ago.
My boyfriend has a plaster vagina that he made in high school, if you’d like that.
Could you find out if it’s you know… used first?
I think it was used to clearly point out parts of the female anatomy that his friends were unaware about…. As for being… used, well…. God, I really hope not.
Plaster tends to chafe. I’d go with something like glass or polished stone, dude.
He used it for parties. He made a mean sun dried tomato and bacon dip for it, too. I always seemed to be the only one eating it, though. Their loss, I guess.
The most horrific image popped into my head. Who has the bleach?
That would be me… if you want the boiling variant.
“My boyfriend has a plaster vagina”
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!11!!1!!11one!elebnty
I can’t stop laughing at that phrase.
And does he know you’re telling people about this?
not something I would brag about.
Wait, there’s more… is it a plaster cast?
I just told him about it. He found this conversation amusing.
I hope the porcelain uterus is still intact!
note to self: don’t ask Graham how he broke it
I think we can all pretty much surmise….
Yeah, our games of vagina catch tend to get a little out of control. Last week we ended up accidently tossing his stone vagina out his window and it hit my car.
How did you list that on the insurance form?
“My friend threw his vagina out the window and it hit my car.”
Graham’s terracotta vagina got broken the same way any body part made of terracotta gets broken. He used it to serve dip at a party and someone knocked it off the table.
Given the choice between eating cheese from a terracotta Lionel and eating cheese from a terracotta vagina, I think I’d just give up cheese.
Phrases I can’t unread: “eating cheese from a terracotta vagina.” Thank you, Camille. 😉
Safe bet, though, that it was repaired with duct tape.
I’m surprised it wasn’t made of duck tape.
You know, because he loves it so much.
“Stone Vagina”
opening at the 40 Watt
(or is that “Stoned Vagina”..?)
How about: “Flying Stone Vaginas”
Yeah..like that will happen when stone vaginas fly!
🙂
Or “Graham’s Stone Vagina.”
Sounds like a local indie post-grunge noise/whine band.
Mudslicker “Stone Vagina” opening at the 40 Watt
That was either a terrible or brilliant choice of words right there.
jackie: Oh..you mean the “opening” part? Hehe…
I believe I stepped unawares into that steaming pile of serendipity.
Looks like serendipity, smells like serendipity, feels like serendipity, tastes like serendipity. Must be serendipity. Good thing we didn’t step in it!
duct tape duct tape duct tape
See what happens when I’m not around for awhile? Graham is reduced to using terracotta vaginas and Meredith is forced to say, ‘duct tape’.
You know, there’s an ointment out there for crackly vagina. And? “Crackly Vagina” would be a kickass name for a band.
It would, but I’m not sure I would want to know what sort of horrible medical condition causes “crackly vagina”.
I’m really, really hoping it’s just a product of age and not due to some sort of STD.
*crosses legs*
*(winces)*
Makes me want to find those panty doors from the other day.
As Jami over at Date Wrecks says…”Clank!” That is the sound of a vagina slamming shut.
I heard the ointment works pretty well, though.
Large is such a relative term. Are we talking “large” as in Paul-Bunyan-large? Or are we talking “large” in Lilliputian adjectives?
I will also need to know the provenance of this wicked jiffy pop masterpiece. I need to be assured that the 50′ foot woman will not be coming back to attack me looking for her missing lady parts.
I require knowing all these missing details because I have a sorta-kinda large coffee table I think it will look fab on.
I think you’re safe, I know for a fact that the 50′ woman never had a hysterectomy. Now as far as the thing that ate the Bronx, she’s kept her medical history pretty much to herself, so I suppose…
HIPAA laws should prevent prying eyes from delving into her private-lady-medical history Taco.
So it’s like the wild west out there with just guessing about the Quick and the Dead.
Not.A.Vagina. Clearly, it’s a fallopian tube under the influence of fertility drugs – see all of the eggs?
drmk – it may be from a museum, but maybe this was actually done as part of a class’s assignment or an art competition and then they were displayed. It’s the best picture, because at this point the tinfoil balls have all been compacted into one blob (which is why they are hard to count, they can’t remember) and the ‘gina is flattened and folded up for storage.
This person has the chutzpah to put this on CL, but what makes me think this is shenanigans is that they didn’t put it on Etsy (and then get it featured on Regretsy). Not because it’s not handmade, but because they didn’t make it with their own hands.
I think this fallopian tube is doing an alpha strike.
This looks like some craft project the kids would have done at one of our history co-ops. Actually, I think the kids probably would have done a better job and I know they all could count to six.
I’m pretty sure a monkey with a glue gun would have done something with more artistic merit.
I think “Monkey with Glue Gun” should be SilvaNoir’s next project.
The folks over at Regretsy would probably love it.
I second this.
Although I was kinda hoping for a collage type painting, with the nacho fountain, Jumbo Spidey, maybe a mine hors…that sort of thing.
Or Not.A.Lionel.
Not.A.Lionel with a nacho cheese fountain coming out of his head?
Jumbo Spidey riding a mine hors?
The Cat Math cats curled up in a giant vagina?
And a bunch more, too many to list.
ooohhh, Cat Math would make a funny picture.
Yes, something with cats and elebenty hunnert and Not.A.Lionel…ooh..Silva, are you getting all this?
I think you guys are making a mistake with all meme-fusions. If Silva combines them all, we have one really cool shirt/mug/etc.
But if we keep them separate (but equal), we could get a whole new wardrope. wordrobr. pile of clothing.
I was thinking that, emsis. And I need a whole new pile of clothing. My piles are looking all old and uninteresting.
What’s with all the aluminum Ben-Wa’s?
They seem to be uncomfortably textured, don’t they? But perhaps some ladies prefer that sort of thing.
“For her pleasure”
This would look great displayed with my penis collages.
I ran across a company that sells giant condom pillows. Get some of those and your collection will be covered.
I know a gal who has some. She also has alphabet pillows that spell out a less than flattering term for female anatomy….on her couch.
Yeah, I don’t think her parents visit much.
You must mean NUT-C.
As opposed to NUT-A
and NUT-B.
She has pillows that say “Barbie”?
No, no, Vagoo.
Or “va-jay-jay.”
Speaking of which…anyone seen the article on Vajazzling? Yeah…I’m not saying whether you should or should not check that out. I’m just saying that some people have worse jobs than you.
Meredith, please. I commented extensively on TheChive’s Vajazzling article. It. Should. Die. And the fuel should be boiling brainbleach.
“Fine china.”
Except it’s actually kind of a nice euphemism.
I don’t know about you, but that’s what I went to collage for.
Here we have a painting done in post classical style of the left testis. You can see the fine attention to the Tunica Dartos here that would later be the focal point of the artists future work. A little known fact is that Hanz Fontner painted this piece entirely by blowing paint out of his left nostril.
Next in our little tour is this bas relief of the fundus, carved by Efrim Mankey in the early 18th century. Many thought he was mad for even attempting such a large scale relief, but as you can see the effort paid off in this beautiful depiction.
Next on our tour is our show piece: A paper mache’ vagina, complete with balls. It was constructed by a blind monkey named Jojo who used a combination of his own saliva and fecal matter to create the paste. Currently this piece is being offered for free, so if you would like it please speak up. Anyone. Anyone at all? Ok moving on…
What’s all these comments about? You got it, it’s the “large paper mache’ Vagina monologues”!
Just what qualifies as a “good home” for a crackly paper mache’ Vagina? Would one need a bronze nude table to display it on? A tv set on the 24/7 nude cooking show channel? Alien pron printed out and bound into a book for perusing?
I believe Alex might find a suitable home for it.
http://www.letswowwowwow.com/2010/01/porcelain-penis-that-rocks.html
This reminds me of that Everybody Loves Raymond episode in which the mom makes a giant free-form sculpture, but everyone sees it as a vagina. Too funny!
And tries to give it to the nuns! Hahhaa!
*it’s okay, llamanun, those nuns were no match for you*
What exactly are the “better days” for a paper mache’ vagina?
Why am I mysteriously attracted to you?
Chicks dig the beard.
You mean: Chicks dig the Beardo.
No…no…no…I am thinking it’s something about the eyes….
Chicks dig the Birdo?
Proportionally, those are very large eggs, and what exactly is supposed to fertilize them?
Tadpoles.
Tadpoles is a winner.
A vagina sculpture that creates the illusion of producing foil balls. Why, it’s, it’s…
It’s Taco Magic!
Presto! Alakazam! Shenanigans!
So that’s why they call him SexyFingers!
Okay, here we got, back in action…
::cracks knuckles::
::looks ad latest YSaC post::
::…::
::looks again::
uuuuhhhh….WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH?????????
Poor baby. Your first post back and this is what there is.
I’ll get the rum.
Make mine a double.
Seriously, accosted by vagina right away. drmk must have known I was coming back.
Also, “vagina” is being typed here so many times, it’s almost getting to be the new duct tape.
“vagina. vagina. vagina.”
There was at least one “uterus” and a couple “fallopian tubes” as well.
Anybody wanna throw in a “cervix”? Anyone? Anyone?
I’ll get the emergency Cadbury eggs out of the freezer.
I’m surprised no one has said “clitoris” yet.
It’s not that hard to find.
*Runs to window
*Opens it
*Yells down the street:
“Delores!”
Which I’m sure Graham will have no opposition to loving as well.
Meredith, no way! How on earth does one fix a broken anything with a vagina?
Windrose, there are very few, very important things that can be fixed with vagina.
Wait, you mean those guys were lying? DAMMIT! I KNEW vagina didn’t do anything to get rid of that burni….I mean….nevermind.
“I’m surprised no one has said “clitoris” yet.
It’s not that hard to find.”
You’d be surprised, sarajean, at just how difficult it is for some people.
You’re telling me….
I think we need to throw in some vagina euphemisms to our conversation. I want to see how high we can get on google for those looking for porn!
I’d almost love it if “HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS” is actually the name of the “art” piece.
Cause I mean, really…ain’t it the truth?
I’ve yet to have balls of tin foil fall out, though. I guess that’s a good thing…
Or… is it?
I heard about balls dropping, but I didn’t know what it meant till now…
Psssst. See that box up there? That’s me! Anybody seen Windrose?
*holds out card for punch number two*
*trails wildly behind, both in punches and in wit*
I really think you picked the wrong post in which to say, “see that box up there? That’s me!”
Zing!
That is a very good point, Ed. A very, very good point.
made. my. day.
Really more information than we needed, JuneJenny. Here’s your punch, in any case. And congratulations!
1.63 deciTacos, JuneJenny!
… and 20 Parsley Ocelot Moonmountain, according to my Cat Math subcalculator.
Gotta say thanks all around, to drmk and dan for this incredible post, to all you commentors, and even to the Craigslist itself. I did not enjoy my day at work, did not enjoy dodging creditor phone calls, but in a few minutes you have all shown me there will always be something to smile about. Thank you.
But did you enjoy the green eggs and ham?
I second that. I was tired, a little cranky, and completely out of sorts.
Until I started reading this. Now I can’t stop laughing.
The Rockstar Recovery may have helped a little, but only a little.
Yay, All. 🙂
I know how you feel. I was required to spend all of yesterday and last night with a person I hate so we could ‘learn to like each-other’. Including a day trip and a pub trip. In which we only learned things about each-other to fuel the harsh jabs and endless ridicule. YSaC was my saving grace yesterday evening and today.
Forced? By what, a court order?
Duct tape! Duct tape! Duct tape!
My mom used to tie my sister and I together. I think Bianchi is indeed right.
I spend my days denying my boss the “favors” he tries to demand, and suffering the professional setbacks because of it. This place makes me feel like maybe my ENTIRE life doesn’t suck so much.
Yeah, my new job I told you about? The other guy and I hate each-other with a small and mighty passion. He thinks that the ‘no gang-affiliated clothing items’ doesn’t apply to his friends, and that thieves are okay as long as they pay him in weed. He’s turning the place into a slum. we need our own security team to keep us from ripping each-others’ head off. So the boss told us to spend the day at my favorite place, we’d learn to love each-other *riiiight* and then come to work and see how we like each-other. But hey, I got a shiny new Gravatar out of the trip. shortly before he pushed me into the Pacific Ocean.
I saw feminism exhibit at the Pompidou last summer and while I do not recognize this vagina, it could have easily slipped my mind. What impressed itself most upon my psyche was a six foot tall burlap vagina. Did it make me feel empowered? Hell no. I went home, kicked off my shoes and fixed my ol’ man a sammich and a beer.
Burlap Vagina. Wow. Only two thoughts: 1). SO could be a band name. 2). Shave!!!
I’m worried about the ad ‘Find Roomates for Free’ that accompanies this post.
*hits head with stapler*
Of course, its a womb with a view.
*OK I’ve a head cold, can I be excused please?*
That is the scariest looking vagina I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen a lot. Because as a straight female I don’t make a habit at looking at other women’s vaginas.
What is the purpose of the foil balls? Because I doubt paper mache needs to masturbate.
Karmyn, not even in the locker room? Ahem. Oh. Yeah, neither have I.
I think I know what it is. And Shenanigans is right.
It is actually an artistic rendition of a pea-pod, the foil balls are the peas.
It is clearly not the posters work. The poster just thought it would be funny if it was posted as a vagina.
Hmm, he’s right, it is funny.
Unless one is a gynecologist, one rarely actually sees vaginas. In the locker room, you’d be looking at the mons pubis and a slightly more intimate view would reveal the labia… Wiki tells me those are all parts of the vulva.
So this is actually Not.A.Vagina.
Being an inconsistent lurker, I am not certain if this warrants a [Corey] tag or not.
*Pedantry Activate!*
Can we get a “speeling prolbems” tag for this post?
Because, vagina or not, that is no way to spell (or punctuate) papier-mâché.
This would look perfect on the tits aside table!
For certain values of “perfect.”
It doesn’t just represent man’s inhumanity to man. In fact, it’s pregnant with meaning.
Finally!
A use for my rice paper condom!
Strangely, I’m in the mood to play lacrosse and I’ve no idea why.
That is odd. I want to make pasta. http://www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/userfiles/image/May10/Kitchenware/PASTA-SERVER_HT.jpg
I’ve made pasta before. 8)
I think this is a euphemism for golf. The size of the balls in comparison to the “vagina’ as per the joke, “I’ve seen holes big enough for a horse and a wagon.”
So, now it’s the future, and we CAN do CSI-style lookup of these things (thanks to Google Image Search) which suggests Sparky’s sculpture is this: http://www.nba.fi/fi/Image/12753/10008_57.jpg?350
…check back in another three years, I guess.
Wait, don’t you mean the artwork reflected in the case is that image? Or did YSaC really end, and I’m just dreaming this?
Sorry Drmk (BBUY), but there are actually 5 balls. The thing you think is the 6th is just a wart.
The comments on the original post are so perfect that I refuse to sully them by commenting now. Oh, wait…
Must be nice. I forgot when I was and left a comment all the way up at the top.
TC, don’t know if you were interested in art, or vaginas, but here’s something you’ll really like! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Art Critics!