YSaC, Vol. 602: I ain’t (a) lyin’.

2010 March 11
by drmk

Not much is wrong with this ad, except for one important thing, which I’ve bolded:

High end childrens zoo animal decor bedroom or playroom – $400


I am asking $400 or best offer for all of these beautiful zoo animal accessories for a childrens bedroom or playroom. [blah blah blah] A large stuffed leopard. A lion rug, a zebra shelf … [blah blah blah]

Somewhat impressively, this person managed to correctly identify a leopard AND spell it correctly … and then ran afoul of the Not.A.Lion rule. But of course, they’re not alone …

Collectible Lion Heads – $10


For Sale
Two Lion Heads
$10 Each

That’s right, boys and girls! Collectible Lion Heads! Collect all two! Swap them with your friends! Collectible Lion Heads are your friends! You’ll have hours of fun while Collectible Lion Heads stare at you with that creepy glassy stare that makes you wonder if they’re going to come alive and kill you in your sleep! Do not taunt Collectible Lion Heads! Wear appropriate clothing when playing with Collectible Lion Heads! Collectible Lion Heads, Inc. is not responsible for any death or dismemberment that comes as a result of playing with Collectible Lion Heads. Offer void in Canada and anywhere else.

Thanks for the submissions, Liz!

150 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 March 11
    sarajean80 permalink

    It looks like someone shot that poor child’s favorite stuffed animal and then decided to mount the skin.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 March 11
      Lola permalink

      Maybe that’s why they’re getting rid of it – it’s giving the kids nightmares.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        Meredith permalink

        Dad told you what he was going to do if you didn’t shut up and go to bed. You brought it on yourself, Calvin.

        Alas, poor Hobbes, I knew him well.

        Adores: 45
        • 2010 March 11
          Tacowagic permalink

          Daddy wasn’t lying when he claimed to have a steamroller hidden in the garage.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 March 11
          Meredith permalink

          You mean he wasn’t LION, don’t you???

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          For some reason my comments keep getting eaten.

          http://www.noob.us/humor/robot-chicken-calvin-and-hobbes-the-untold-story/

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          Hobbes does get his revenge though.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11

          Maybe Dad just got tired of the Bad Dad protests…..

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          Hobbes does get his revenge, though.

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrSQHw6ZvQc

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Alas, poor Hobbes, I knew him well.

          “Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.
          Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment,that were wont to set the table on a roar?” (H5:1)

          Surely this is not cheese, nor plush, nor polythene foam my digits raise from thy revealed fundament?

          What vile rath hath raised in Ire to fire thee ceramic, once the evervescent, ever-changing Hobbes, zenith of Not.A.Lions ambulant in portfolio-league Bootes . . .

          Adores: 9
  2. 2010 March 11
    PrincessLuceval permalink

    Ooh, I want the Not. A. Lion heads. Can I serve chips and dip out of them, or is that strictly the Not. A. Lionel head’s job?

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 March 11
      Tacowagic permalink

      I’m totally buying those and giving them Cream Cheese afros. Think of the party I could have!

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 March 11
        Meredith permalink

        When Craigslist gives you Not.A.Lion heads, what do you do???

        If you’re Taco, you make a fucking mess.

        Adores: 34
  3. 2010 March 11
    Windrose permalink

    *checking encyclopedia, wikipedia, ZooBabies, YSaC t-shirts* Seriously, this is a classic example of Urban Legend becoming Fact.

    Adores: 5
  4. 2010 March 11

    Clearly Timmy got a hold of the leopard and pulled all the stuffing out of it, rendering it into the sad shape you see here before you.

    The Not.A.Lion rug was left out of this picture, as were many other items…too many to list.

    Adores: 3
  5. 2010 March 11
    Colleen in MA permalink

    Playing with Collectible Lion Heads may cause temporary blindness, tremors, and anal leakage.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 March 11
      Meredith permalink

      Also apparently hallucinations.

      Adores: 8
  6. 2010 March 11
    KansasWizard permalink

    Now has the Happy Fun Ball sketch stuck in his head. *goes off to get a better earworm stuck in his head*

    http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/happy_fun_ball/229058/

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 11
      Mimi permalink

      hehe “Do not taunt the happy fun ball” is officially one of my family’s memes. (Can a family have a meme?)

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 11
        LimeLolly permalink

        Ooo family meme’s… my family has ‘It’s Sam’s birthday’. The meme for clueless moments. Poor sister-in-law still gets horribly embarrassed whenever that meme is dragged out… which is every family get-together.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 11
          CapnMac permalink

          In my family the inexplicable was always assigned to “Fred.”
          Fred recieved equal amounts of credit and blame.
          There are days I wish I were Fred.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        sarajean80 permalink

        Ours usually involve my dad.
        The longest running one involves my dad pointing to something over your shoulder and saying, “Look, a hot air balloon!” You turn to look and he thumps you in the throat. While I learned not to look where Dad pointed pretty quickly, my sister still gets “got” on occasion.(Most memorably she was inside, nowhere near a window, and it was night. I’d crawl through razor wire for her but she’s not the sharpest tack on the bulletin board, bless her heart) We now use “Look, a hot air balloon!” to express our disbelief in something.(And its usually something Dad is saying. He likes to spin yarns.)

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 11

          My family’s involves a relative who lies about everything. We have gotten to the point where we add ridiculous things to his stories while he’s telling them, and he totally goes along with it. our favorite is, ‘and then a saber-tooth tiger came…’ from a story in which he supposedly outran a bear. While he was visiting us. In Uganda. Besides the fact that it’s more likely to happen here in Washington, the fact that my brother threw in the phrase, ‘and then a saber-tooth tiger came’, and he totally ran with it. Yeah, Micah saw the saber-tooth tiger, too! Wait, it wasn’t saber-toothed, but it was a tiger. And it scared the bear off my trail, but then I had the tiger to deal with.
          I wish I were making this up.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 11
        Lola permalink

        I think our family while we are growing up is one of the first places we experience memes.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11

          They’re called “inside jokes” in the real world, guys.

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 March 11
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          What is this “real world” you speak of?

          Adores: 12
  7. 2010 March 11
    PrincessLuceval permalink

    What else is in that group of zoo animals that would lead someone to think that $400 is a reasonable price for all of it? Seriously, not. a. bargain.

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 March 11
      Lola permalink

      The stuffed leopard (which, given the posters zoological knowledge, is probably actually a cheetah or jaguar), in contrast to the rug, is real?

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 March 11
        PrincessLuceval permalink

        Not. a. jaguar. Probably just a Saab.

        Adores: 20
      • 2010 March 12
        CapnMac permalink

        HHNF: Now I have to get the Alan Jackson cover of Buy Me a Mercury out of my head . . .
        And will probably take either Bartòk Concerto for Orchestra or Cross Canadian Ragweed Live at the Wormy Dog, hopefully not both.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 11
      Tacowagic permalink

      Well, drmk did cut some of it out.

      Maybe among the list were things like: “Golden sculpture of an emu, authentic unicorn horn, jade monkey…” much more, too many to list.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 March 11
        Meredith permalink

        I think she just left out the things she was planning on buying for herself.

        ::one eyebrow raise:: Well, drmk??? Hmmmm??? What IS it you denied us the opportunity of purchasing, so that you yourself could hoarde it? A gilded portrait of an alpaca? Does the emu know?

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 March 11

          The golden emu sculpture is all mine!!

          That, and the cheap curtains and matching wallpaper border. No, really.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 March 11
          Meredith permalink

          OOOOHHHHH, I WANT LEOPARD WALLPAPER BORDER!!! It’ll go with my bright pink walls, black lace curtains, and numerous candles with scents like “Musk Intoxication” and “Vanilla Seduction”. Also…cherub sculptures.

          I go for class in my decor. Class all the way.

          Adores: 19
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          Ah, the always lovely Early American Bordello look.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 March 11
          Lola permalink

          As my friend says, Meredith, “Klassy, with a ‘K’.”

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 11
          Meredith permalink

          The worst part is…I describing a home of someone I’m slightly aquainted with. Makeup artists are not always known for our reserved sense of style.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 11
          Lola permalink

          Early American Bordello is one idea; I was thinking more like Retro Burlesque Venue or even just Stripperina Style.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 11
          Oh-Steve permalink

          Is that like Krab with a “k”?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11
          christina permalink

          Meredith, you just described one of my former roommate’s bedrooms. All you forgot was the decor-matching bottles of Exclamat!on and Debbie Gibson’s Electric Youth perfume. Granted, this was the early 90s and my room had a black and red ‘Ode to Dracula’ motif. Gee,I wonder why we didn’t get on better?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 11

          “Musk Intoxication” sounds like the kind of thing you might find in pride of place on the counter in a ‘Deliverance’-themed cosmetic store.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 March 11
          Lola permalink

          “Musk Intoxication” would also double as hunter scent as well as an alluring perfume, in that setting.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          CapnMac permalink

          Wait, did I misread the marquis? Isn’t Musk Intoxication opening for Zoo Animal Accessories at the 40Watt tonite?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 11
          Oh-Steve permalink

          Musk intoxication? I know elk urine when I smell it! You aren’t going to fool me.

          Adores: 2
  8. 2010 March 11
    Lola permalink

    For the second ad, I keep thinking “Sigfried and Roy must be downsizing their household.”

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 March 11
      Meredith permalink

      If they don’t sell on here, they can always donate them to the Museum De Fingerhut in beautiful downtown Waldorf, Maryland!*

      *May or may not actually exist. The museum, not Waldorf, md. That place is real. And scary.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 March 11

        …………Do they offer internships?

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 March 11
          Meredith permalink

          As a matter of fact, they do! You just need to show up at the *Dollar Lion on Main & 9th Street. They’ll hook you right up!

          *This place also exists. Can’t believe I forgot about a giant wharehouse sized **dollar store called Dollar Lion until now.

          **Many things are not an actual dollar. The name simply means you may pay for the items WITH dollars. This was the actual explanation given by an employee.

          Adores: 19
        • 2010 March 11
          Lola permalink

          aka Dollar.Not.a.Tiger?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          This is vaguely related so I’ll bring it up.
          I was in the dollar store the other day and found a little bag with four rubber duckies in it; an elephant, a zebra, a Not.A.Tiger, and a Not.A.Lion. It is so freakin’ cute! Looks just like this -

          http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=9547253

          but without the melt-and-pour soap around it.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          mudslicker permalink

          sarajean:

          wouldn’t those be four Not. A. Rubber. Duckies?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11
          Meredith permalink

          Holy-Island-of-Dr.-Moreau, Batman!!!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          They still look a bit like duckies, they have the beaks and wings, but there are added features. They’re like mutant duckies.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        jackie31337 permalink

        Some of my college classmates were from Waldorf. They would agree with your assessment.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Thirded on the Waldorf assessment. I always wondered if that was where the eponymous salad came from.

          But if you go ‘cross the pond to Maryland’s Eastern Shore, there are some places there that make Waldorf look civilized.

          *cues banjo music*

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          [corey]I think the salad comes from the Waldorf Astoria hotel.[/corey]

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          Lola permalink

          Corey credit, sarajean. You can still get it there, too. (I work about 5 blocks away, and have eaten there, but not the salad.)

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 11
          jackie31337 permalink

          Irregular Fractal: my parents have a house in Ocean Pines, but we’ve spent some time driving around middle-of-nowhere Eastern Shore towns trying to get places. There are some cute little towns (Berlin is adorable, and some of Tuck Everlasting was filmed there), but there are also some that you wouldn’t want to visit even long enough to buy gas.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          I played many a gig in Ocean Pines back in the late 90s with the Mid-Atlantic Symphony. Lovely little community. Berlin is fantastic as well (played a few shows there) – I was on the set of Runaway Bride when they filmed it there. I love Easton and St. Michaels and would go back often were I closer – but the drive across the peninsula towards Dover and the like? Scary.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 11
          CapnMac permalink

          Eek, “waldorf salad” triggers the Fawlty Towers sketch . . .
          http://www.fawltysite.net/waldorf-salad.htm

          Would an unstuffed Boa be a zoo accessory?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 11
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Congratulations! You’ve just earned the “You’ve Been Coreyed” badge on You Suck at Craigslist!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 12
          Meredith permalink

          Wow, I didn’t realize there were locals to me on here. I’m up in Glen Burnie, md, right now, but lived on the Eastern Shore, the, West Shore, I guess (1 mile from the bay bridge, and I grew up in Calvert County in southern maryland. Where are you currently, Irregular?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 12
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Mer, I’m currently in the wilds of mid-Michigan, but I lived in Glen Burnie for 3 years ’99-02, most of it in the Cromwell Fountain neighborhood. Lived in Easton 3 years before that. We’ll have to have a Maryland YSaC meet-up next time I’m down Balmer way…

          Adores: 0
  9. 2010 March 11
    lost_compass permalink

    That one on the right is a great example of the very rare Albinot. A. Lion.

    Adores: 19
    • 2010 March 11
      mudslicker permalink

      What I can’t understand is why they mounted both of those Collectible Lion Heads on a stack of pancakes.

      *please pass the Mrs. Butterworths*

      (feel free to equally interpret this as a L B Sambo reference—RACIST!!!)

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 11
        Lola permalink

        Is that what that is? I thought it was really, really sturdy bobblehead springs …

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 11
          mudslicker permalink

          hehe…bobblehead not. a. lions…..

          they’d be perfectly awesome if they were bobbleheads inside of snow globes.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 11

          I had no idea how complicated it was to shop for kids. I’ve been buying my nieces cute hats and kiddy sunglasses and classic kids’ books for their mums to read to them. How was I supposed to know that kids need the heads of giant feline predators mounted on hunks of fake wood to stare at them dead-eyed while they play with their other actual toys?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 11
          Lola permalink

          Bobbleheads inside of snow globes? Mudsy, I think my brain’s tchotchke-cortex just exploded. That is tack-tastic.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 March 11
          mudslicker permalink

          You just can’t bobble them too vigorously or, well, you know…….so much for the snow globe.

          It builds hand-eye coordination (for playing checkers!), character, discipline, moderation and humility.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        sarajean80 permalink

        Those swirly bits look like the fatwood knot my mom uses to prop open the laundry room door.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 11
          mudslicker permalink

          Either that or cow pies.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          If I saw a cow leaving pies like that, I would check it’s feed.
          Cattle feed should not be 50% Not.A.Lion, it’ll give them hairballs.

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 March 11
      Tora permalink

      Woah. As soon as Torza heard snowgloabe bobbleheads, Torza got seasick!

      Adores: 1
  10. 2010 March 11
    Meredith permalink

    I’m back on mornings at work, can ya tell?

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 11
      Lola permalink

      How early? You seem … well caffeinated. (Not.a.criticism, as it’s a state I often wish to achieve.)

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        Meredith permalink

        Yep. I’m natually a morning persona anyway, so the earlier I’m up, the more chipper I start out. It’s some weird carryover from being a kid, when you got up for trips and knew you weren’t really “supposed” to be up that early, but were anyway. My body kicks out far more adrenaline then I need. You should see me if I need to get up at 3. WHOOOO!!!

        Also, hazelnut latte. Since I don’t usually do caffeine and am on day 3 of the coffee binge, I’ll probably be detoxing all day tomorrow. Bring on the caffeine hangover!!!

        Adores: 4
  11. 2010 March 11

    The only thing I could think to do with those Not.A.Lion heads would be to put funny hats on them.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 11
      Meredith permalink

      oooohhh, I still have a tiny straw hat with ribbons and feathers!!! It would look AHmazing!

      What? I REALLY liked Colonial Williamsburg growing up.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11

        We clearly had very different childhoods….

        Adores: 3
  12. 2010 March 11
    Meredith permalink

    Homeschooling + Colonial Williamsburg + No regular tv for 5 years = Fan-freakin-tastic imagination and above average social skills.

    Also, lot’s of ways to make people think I’m one of those “weird homeschooled kids”.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 March 11
      Oh-Steve permalink

      Hooray for homeschooling!

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 11

      Actually I get that a lot too, since I grew up outside the US.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 12

      You’re telling me.

      Adores: 1
  13. 2010 March 11
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Enough already! Admit defeat! We’ve lost! Those are lions! They’re all lions! Repeat after me, “Those big stripey giant cat-like animals are lions! Lions, lions, LIONS!”

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Coming soon to Bianchi Brain Reprogramming: “Cat Math: Free – 1 = $80″

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 March 11
      Lola permalink

      No! Never surrender! In fact, I’m planning on having a gravestone with a tiger on it. Even before my name will be “Not.a.Lion.Dammit!” and an arrow pointing in the appropriate direction.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 11
      jackie31337 permalink

      I have to confess that the brainwashing already took for me. I was looking at tiny stuffed animals at the store with my daughter the other day, and I called a tiger a lion. I never understood how people could get them confused, and then I went and made the same mistake. Craigslist is ruining my language skills.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        Tora permalink

        Exagerated Sigh.Should Torza get the holy Brainbleach and recite the Ysac prayer?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          Windrose permalink

          Yes. Yes, you should, Tora-Torza.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 11
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      There… are… FOUR… Not.A.Lions!

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 March 11
        sarajean80 permalink

        I spot a ST:TNG reference. Right ^ there.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 11
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Spot? Curse me for agreeing to watch her while Data was away, that bloodthirsty feline.
          (And with bloodthirsty felines, we’ve wrapped right back to the start of the comments.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 11
          CapnMac permalink

          Kzin, perhaps? Bipedal, spacefaring, more than 2m tall, striped felinids? All Larry Niven’s fault if so.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 11
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Wow, I was thinking of that scene when I wrote my post, but thought it would be too obscure a reference. Silly me. So many geeks around here…

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          Hartster permalink

          More like Seven of Nine than Spot or Kzin or whatever M’ress was. After all, Jeri Ryan did wear the catsuit on ST:Voyager….

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11
          Hartster permalink

          …And the geek in me will point out that Spot at one point was male, and somehow switched genders. As well as switched breeds.

          I will also admit that the geek in me, as part of my writing career, actually interviewed the trainers for Spot, as well as got to see Spot (or at least, one of the characters that played Spot) at a local cat show. It’s one of the highlights of my journalism career.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 12
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          I’m just happy someone caught the reference. I walk around shouting that all the time in various contexts and most of the time, people look at me like I’ve lost what little I had to begin with.

          Adores: 1
  14. 2010 March 11
    Camille permalink

    On the Craigslist, the mighty Craigslist,
    The not.a.lion sleeps tonight.
    In the bedroom, the children’s bedroom,
    The not.a.lion sleeps tonight.*

    * Apologies if someone else has already done this one on another thread.

    Adores: 20
  15. 2010 March 11
    lost_compass permalink

    I feel sorry for the first poster – having high-end children is a curse. It’s not just the whispers from passersby, the stares and the finger-pointing… it’s also hell trying to find pants to fit them.

    Adores: 21
    • 2010 March 11
      sarajean80 permalink

      The bargain basement ones are no better, you play with them a couple of times and they just fall apart.

      Adores: 6
  16. 2010 March 11
    Meej permalink

    Well, that rug *is* lion’ on the floor… (You can tell – clearly, it’s not an aerial rug.)

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 March 11
      jackie31337 permalink

      I think the aerial rug may have been listed by my future mother in law. When my partner saw that post, he thought both the vaguely attractive floral rug and the aerial rug looked familiar.

      Adores: 1
  17. 2010 March 11
    LimeLolly permalink

    Jumping right into the fray:

    I am seriously thinking I want that Not.A.Lion rug. It would make a great behavioral modification tool for my cats. “Quit sitting on my head while I’m sleeping or you’re permanently on the floor!”

    But, I’m betting it won’t do any good. I’ll probably still get the stares of boredom and sneaky ’round the corner attacks. Maybe one of the Not.A.Lion heads would get the message across, and at a fabulous price of $10.. whoohoo.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 March 11
      LimeLolly permalink

      Oh, by the way — Hey ya’ll. I felt so much at home here, I just jumped right in. :) It appears the water is nice, and not too deep. And I’m seriously contemplating a mug, it’ll look great next to my TEAM achievement plaque. That is all, carry on.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        Lola permalink

        Welcome!

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 12

        Yay! Hi LimeLolly!

        Adores: 0
  18. 2010 March 11
    Hartster permalink

    It is so a lion rug. What do you call the stripes on the animal? That’s write, their lions. I shore hope the zebra shelf has draws to put my stuffs in….

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 March 11

      It’d be perfect if it were part of an french prudential amore, wouldn’t it?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 11
        Hartster permalink

        If it’s French, like a fry
        And it’s in the prudential style
        That’s amore….

        Adores: 8
  19. 2010 March 11
    Savannah permalink

    Here’s what I can’t figure out. Everyone I know got the lion/tiger thing when they were doing: “L is for lion”, “T is for tiger” in those stupid alphabet books. Why have so many people lost it since then? Is it one of those use-it-or-lose-it things?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 11
      screamer permalink

      Being able to think, speak, write and spell (coherently) are all matters of use it or lose it. And like so many others we get to snark at here, these people have obviously lost the plot. Sigh.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 11
      BigUncleJohn permalink

      If the population of the US is 308M, then there are probably 30M who cannot read this post. A survey in 1993 found that 40% (or 123M) would be unable to calculate a tip in a restaurant, find an intersection on a street map, or understand the main point of a news article.

      Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then you must recognize that half of them are even stupider.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 11
        CapnMac permalink

        Was waiting for an interview and was exposed to a conversation from the other side of cubicle partition. One oxygenthief was lamenting to the other that calling an average “mean” was, well, not-nice!

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 11
          mudslicker permalink

          *snicker*

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        Jane permalink

        That survey depresses me, given that 123 million idiots alone is several times the entire population of my country… :(

        Adores: 1
      • 2013 June 1

        Once, I said to an acquaintance, “Half of all Americans are of sub-median intelligence.”

        He responded, “Sometimes I think it’s at least that many.”

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 11
      Hartster permalink

      Because in my school, it was “L as in should, T as in castle”.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 11

      “L” is for “lazy”.
      “T” is for “thick-headed”.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 March 11
        Hartster permalink

        Hey! I resemble that remark! It’s “motivationally challenged” and “differently-opinioned,” thank you very much. ;)

        Adores: 4
  20. 2010 March 11
    mudslicker permalink

    Okay people. Let’s all be brave and just say it. Say the “T” word!

    Ttttrrrriiipppping…

    Here’s a great idea: let’s attach a large stuffed head to something that people put in the middle of the floor to walk on.

    “Looks like junior split open his head on the fireplace hearth again, honey. Wish we could figure out how to prevent him from doing that.”

    Adores: 6
  21. 2010 March 11
    tigprincess permalink

    What’s the address of this zoo that has childrens’ bedrooms? Why didn’t I know about it when mine were growing up? I could have sent them there – one way tickets only,obviously.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 March 11
      sarajean80 permalink

      Mom always said we belonged in a zoo…

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 11
        LimeLolly permalink

        My siblings and I were apparently born in a barn.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          sarajean80 permalink

          We were raised by wolves.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11

          Remus, is that you?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 11
          Hartster permalink

          …It’s me, Margaret. (OK, now I have this bizarre idea of Judy Blume writing a Star Trek episode – because Remus’ twin was, obviously, Romulus. All we need now is for J J Abrams to make such a movie – the ultimate Star Trek reboot.)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, for snark, we’d have to pester Harlan Ellison out of retirement into the tall grass again.

          Might be easier to go rattle Jim Baen’s cages and see which of the Baen Barflies tumble out.

          Ouch, mave hve sprained my nerd there–mental image of Star Trek authored up by Dave Drake, Steve White, John Ringo & David Webber in tag-team episodes. End result might be more like Firefly (the tv series, not SJ’s cat) than any berman ST has. Irk, may need a splint and medicinal applications of distilled potation, as the Barflies might could get it done all as fanfic in real time

          Thae Cap’n, haes gone! Faded in’ta interdinsional flux ane gane awry

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Yay to CapnMacky for the Harlan Ellison reference!!!!

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 11

      Kind of reminds me of that Bradbury story… The Veldt? All I remember is that the dad ended up getting eaten by a virtual lion, or something.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 March 11
        Lola permalink

        I loved that story in jr high. I thought that both of the parents were eaten or otherwise disposed of, or at least that was my understanding.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11

          Maybe. I read it in 6th grade, and never again since. I’m sure a quick internet search would yield answers, but I’m still sick, and oh so lazy….

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 13

        the virtual lions became real I think … Loved that story.

        Adores: 1
  22. 2010 March 11
    kristen55 permalink

    I just adore these Not.A.Lion. posts! I can’t believe so many people on CL make a mistake any kindergartner could spot!

    Adores: 2
  23. 2010 March 11
    queensbee permalink

    tiger. lyon. whatever, just some big cat, right? dumbasses.

    Adores: 2
  24. 2010 March 11
    Bavec permalink

    Maybe it’s just because I wasn’t that demented as a child but does anyone else find the concept of skinned Not.a.Lions and decapitated Not.a.Lion heads rather odd decor for a child’s bedroom? Such disturbing articles have more appropriate homes. (On playground equipment, for example.)

    Adores: 5
  25. 2010 March 11
    Jane permalink

    I was a big Winnie the Pooh fan as a kid, so having what looks like road-kill Tigger in my bed room would have been upsetting!

    Adores: 6
  26. 2010 March 11
    Windrose permalink

    Miki, badda-boom, badda-bing! Or however it goes. Anyway, punchity punch punch! Congratulations on Don’t Sucking! Maybe your professors will give you extra Corey Cred for this honor?

    Adores: 0
  27. 2010 March 12
    TelcaCat permalink

    How can this BE??? Did no one else watch Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom?? How can they be unable to identify a TIGER? How can this be a meme? I think all of these should be tagged “humanity is doomed” because really, if you can’t identify a TIGER, you deserve to be ET! (sic!)

    Adores: 4
  28. 2010 March 12
    Windrose permalink

    Well, it’s Friday AM and I can’t wait any longer for the new post to arrive. Somebody say something snarky in my honor. 8)

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 12
      Camille permalink

      Bees be upon you, Windrose.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 12
      LimeLolly permalink

      something snarky

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 12
      mudslicker permalink

      Man…Windrose has absolutely no self-control mechanisms in place today.

      Heads up: Beware the ides of March—they’re coming up!

      Just call me Plutarch.

      *hands you a fruit loopy bobblehead Toucan Sam snowglobe”

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 March 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      You want someone to do what in your where?

      * re-reads Windrose’s post*

      Ah. Never mind then.

      Adores: 2
  29. 2013 June 1

    Not.lions and not.collectible “collectibles” and shelves, oh my!

    Adores: 1
  30. 2013 June 1

    I would love to have the lion skin rug, I’m in a stripe mood today. I wonder how they spotted the leopard?

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 June 1

      I’m guessing it involved a Sharpie.

      Adores: 1
  31. 2013 June 1
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Looks like Dr Moreau is having a yard sale again!

    Adores: 1
  32. 2013 June 2

    kelli, kelli, bo-belli, bonana fanna fo felli,
    fee fy mo melli, kelli! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Marlin Perkins!

    Adores: 0

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