YSaC, Vol. 610: Housing carousing.

2010 March 19

There’s never a shortage of crazy when it comes to housing and roommate ads on Craigslist. Here’s a small sampler of folks who are offering free or low-cost roommate situations — but of course, there’s always a catch, isn’t there?

Free room to a stripper


I wonder if this will work. I own a 2 bedroom townhouse. My roommate just moved out, and I really dont need to get any money out of the extra room. So I will give it away to a stripper. I know you dancers are down on your luck and need a helping hand. No physical interaction is required. I just live a boring life and would like to have a stripper hanging around my place. I’m 35 and work as an accountant (see? doesnt that sound boring?).

Well, that’s not so bad. I wonder if this guy thinks that strippers walk around naked in their platform shoes all day long, swinging mindlessly from the load-bearing support joists? ‘Cause in my mind, accountants walk around all day wearing their pocket protectors and the glasses with the tape on the nosepiece. Sounds hot, doesn’t it?

But of course, there’s more ads like this …

I didn’t get the title for this one, but the ad itself isn’t subtle:

This apartment is 90 years old, with tons of historic charm. It’s big, and artistically decorated. I live here alone, and have done so ever since my GF left me for my best friend. I have one room free, and am looking for a female roommate. I do better with women around. You have your own bathroom, your own room, come and go as you please…

Rent free….

All you have to do is give me one blow job a day, no more, no less. Nothing romantic. Just that. And only that.

Oh, gosh, is that all? That’s almost not even creepy. No, wait, yes it is. Good try at playing the sympathy “my girlfriend left me for my best friend” card, though.

And just in case there’s any guys out there looking for a questionable housing situation for little to no money …

$250 1 Bedroom for rent (Male roommate ONLY please)


If you are interested, please E-Mail with your NAME, AGE, & PHONE NUMBER: E-mail to: XXXXXXXXXXXX@Yahoo.com

I am looking for roomates who is interested in renting out a room with me. Please allow me to intorduce myself.
My name is Daniel!! I live in a 2 Bedroom Apartment in [very expensive location]. Normally rent is $250.00, but I lowering it to the first two roommates who moves in by [date]. The rent for this room will be ONLY $175.00 a month and this also includes ALL utilities. So it’s $175.00 Flat a month! I am looking for SERIOUS roommates.
This ad is SERIOUS, so please reply if your serious and can ACCEPT all the rules & guidlines!

I am looking for only GUY roommates, between the ages of 18-30. I am very strick, but I do have rules & guidelines you MUST follow, in order to move in, but its up to you wheather you can handle the rules and guidelines and take this amazing deal of renting a room for $175.00 a month!

I am renting out 1 bedroom for $175.00, but like I said, I have rules…

Here are some of the rules!!

1. You must obey all rules in the house. If not, you will be spanked. Recieveing a spanking will help you learn your leasons from not breaking anymore rules. (must agree to get spanked when rules are broken) You will be getting a spanking just for discipline.
2. All roommates, MUST wear regular underwear briefs. Roommates CANNOT wear boxers or boxer-briefs, but only to wear regular underwear briefs. (if you wear boxers or boxer briefs, you MUST switch. If you choice NOT to switch, you will be getting spanked. till you choice to switch)
3. All roommates must respect each other.
4. Rent must be paid on time.
5. Rooms and the house have to be clean. (pick up after yourself)
6. MORE RULES BUT WE CAN DISCUSS THAT LATER…

These are just some of the rules, and if you want to live in a nice house, but can handle my rules, and handle getting a spanking when I say you deserve one, then e-mail me. REMEMBER, $175.00 RENT ONLY….

If you are interested, please contact me. I live in a great neighborhood.
The Community Amenities include,
[blah blah blah — boring and longwinded stuff edited by drmk]

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE CALL ME OR E-MAIL ME. (Please only serious roommates)

If you are interested, please E-Mail with your NAME, AGE, & PHONE NUMBER: E-mail to: XXXXXXXXXXXX@Yahoo.com

Ah, the spanking is just for discipline, then? Not because you get any satisfaction out of it whatsoever? And let me guess — you’re not going to randomly come up with new “rules” that your roommates will break — like, “No using the phone on Tuesdays! Time for a spanking!” No, of course not.

And wait a minute — it’s a two bedroom apartment, but you’re looking for two tighty-whitey wearing roommates for $175 each, instead of 1 for $250? Or are you looking for just one? Argh — subject-verb agreement is your friend!

Can I just pay the $250 and not take the spankings? The $75 savings really isn’t worth that much to me.

Thanks, Corinna and Courtney!

157 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 March 19
    Charlene permalink

    The first is hilarious – he should try offering a hooker on the street $10 (works out to $300 a month) and see what she says.

    The second is just creepy as all hell, unless it’s meant to be an ad for d/s in which case…it’s still creepy as all hell.

    Adores: 14
  2. 2010 March 19
    Camille permalink

    Am puzzling over how landlord #1 believes that “no physical interaction is required” given his, um, other requirement. I think maybe he’s doing it wrong.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      I’m guessing it has something to do with a vacuum cleaner.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 March 19
      Chazz permalink

      THANK you! I could have sworn I was the only one that noticed that.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 March 19

      Oh — I see. Those are two different ads — not by the same person! I didn’t make that clear enough.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 March 19
        Camille permalink

        Ah, so much for my reading comprehension. Thanks for clearing that up!

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 March 19
        TacoMagic permalink

        If it helps Llamanun, I understood the seperation.

        Then again, I’m used to it. My sister likes to change topics mid-sentence. You get used to deciphering when a subtle, yet new topic jumps into the fray.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          Mine does that, too. I don’t know why she…

          Oh, look! Peanut brittle!

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          BANANA PEEL! Wheeeeeeee!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19

          It really annoys me when people switch gears in the middle of their…ooo look a rainbow!

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 19
      TacoMagic permalink

      For some reason I can’t get a certain song out of my head. I think the title is, “When I touch you I think about myself.”

      Adores: 15
      • 2010 March 19
        Lola permalink

        [corey]
        “When I think about you I touch myself,” from “I Touch Myself,” by the Divinyls. Ca. 1989.
        [/corey]

        I think both of these versions might apply to all of these ads, variously.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          My Brother-in-law had two versions of Divinyls song that he used to sing when it hit the radio. One is the one I typed above, and the other is: “When I think about me I touch myself.”

          And yes, he’s extremely gay.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 March 19
          Lola permalink

          I’ve known some narcissists who probably go with version two.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 19
      Phira permalink

      I noticed that, too. No physical interaction … but you have to give blowjobs?

      Also, free rent in exchange for sexual favors … I think our brilliantly boring accountant is mistaking strippers for hookers.

      EDIT: Oh, wait, they’re different ads. Less funny, but still!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 19

        I know — it would have been way better if they WERE one ad.

        Sadly, I can’t lie and pretend they were. I mean, I COULD, but I can’t.

        You know what I mean.

        Adores: 7
      • 2010 March 19

        It sounds like “no physical interaction” landlord and “gimmie a hummer” landlord are different, from two different ads.

        Adores: 2
  3. 2010 March 19
    sarajean80 permalink

    You can see the evolution of Sparky in these.

    In Phase 1 he is delusional, but sounds mostly harmless. Of course, there have been countless interviews with the neighbors of serial killers who said, “He was so quiet…”

    In Phase 2 his stripper girl, sick of paying her daily “rent”, has fled from his home like it was on fire, running into the arms of his “best friend”, that guy down the hall who gives him a nod sometimes and once held the elevator for him.

    Fed up with the flighty whims of women, Sparky decides to play the other side of the fence in Phase 3. He adopts a strict totalitarian regime that quickly earns him the nickname, “el Presidente Sparky”.

    I can’t wait for Phase 4, when the police show up to investigate the “bad smell” coming from his apartment.

    Adores: 36
    • 2010 March 19
      TacoMagic permalink

      Is Phase 4 also the “Acid Tub” phase? Or are we starting to get into Phase 5 there?

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 March 19
        sarajean80 permalink

        Depends on if he wants to get his security deposit back.

        Adores: 10
    • 2010 March 19
      Languagegeek permalink

      ITYM “Spanky.”

      And the full title is “Not-So-Benevolent-Dictator-Of-This-House Spanky,” thankyouverymuch.

      For failure to use the proper title, you will receive a spanking.
      Assume the position!

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 19
        sarajean80 permalink

        Sure thing, Spar… I, mean, “Spanky”. Just stand in this minnie poddle and hold this exposed wire for a second, will you, sugar?

        Adores: 6
  4. 2010 March 19
    Windrose permalink

    *checks Tenant’s Rights, sub-heading Rent Reductions, sub-paragraph Spankings* Looks like Sparky read the rule book correctly!

    Adores: 6
  5. 2010 March 19
    TacoMagic permalink

    Man… my roommate blows.

    Adores: 50
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      Dammit, TM! I think I scalded my sinuses with coffee. Now everything will smell like Cafe Bustelo for the rest of the day.

      Adores: 9
    • 2010 March 19

      Yeah. And paying the rent every month totally sucks.

      Adores: 32
      • 2010 March 19
        TacoMagic permalink

        Niiiiiiice!

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 19

        Bad pron name
        The Rent Man Cometh

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          is that a re-make of
          The Rent Man Cumeth (1978)?

          Adores: 1
  6. 2010 March 19
    coyttl permalink


    And here I’m paying $800 for 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a living room without any spankings.

    I’m getting ripped off. 🙁

    Adores: 16
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      Most people usually charge extra for the spankings. I don’t think it’s considered “normal wear and tear”.

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 March 19
        TacoMagic permalink

        He probably pro-rated the average expected spankings into the rent.

        By the looks of it, he must be charging $50 a month for the spanking services.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          PrincessLuceval permalink

          “Sparky and the Monthly Spanking Service” is my nomination for Band Name Of The Day.

          Adores: 20
  7. 2010 March 19
    LimeLolly permalink

    I need a room to rent, let’s see: Change professions, or invest in tons of mouthwash, soap and personal wipes or change sex and wear briefs with corporal punishment as a bonus… I choose…. door number 8 please. Oh look, it’s a roommate who constantly writes bad ads on craigslist…. shoot me please.

    Adores: 14
  8. 2010 March 19
    Lola permalink

    OP #1: “I am so socially inept when it comes to girls that this is the smoothest move I can imagine.”

    OP #2: “I am so socially inept when it comes to girls that I’m trying this in a desperate bid to not die a total virgin. It’s not intercourse, but it is oral sex.”

    OP# 3: “I am so far in the closet I’m actually in the next apartment.”

    Adores: 47
    • 2010 March 19

      Lola, he’s so far in the closet he’s seeing lamp posts.

      Adores: 17
      • 2010 March 19

        He’s so far in the closet he’s in Narnia.

        Adores: 12
      • 2010 March 19
        Lola permalink

        Lamp posts? Heck, now that you put it that way, I’m pretty sure he’s shipping out on the Dawn Treader as we write. Sailors, you know. (“In the navy …”)

        Adores: 14
        • 2010 March 19

          My comment was for those who didn’t get HHNF’s “lamp post” reference. Which includes myself.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          Word has it, he switched ships in Casablanca, Morocco and is now a buoy boy on the Tighty Whitey Tramp Steamer. I hear he runs a very strick ship.

          As Eric Massa once said*, “I and 10,000 seaman can’t be wrong.”

          *sorta

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 March 19
          Lola permalink

          “Tramp steamer” being, in this case, particularly appropriate.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          So true. I would wager that Freud is spinning in his grave with all the innuendo running rampant here today.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19

          Mudslinger, one and sometimes more of those ‘seaman’ are almost always right. Especially when you really, really don’t want them to be.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          HHNF: yeah…once you get 10,000 of them together…the seamen all look like one big fat Cthulhu seaman with a barnacle up his ass.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19
          lost_compass permalink

          (corey)“I would wager that Freud is spinning in his grave”….

          Freud was cremated. (/corey)

          Not sure what the equivalent would be. “I would wager that Freud’s ashes are going all snow-globey”?

          Adores: 17
        • 2010 March 19

          By ‘snow globe’ I’m sure you’re referring to your mother’s breasts, even though you have repressed your memories of them.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 March 19
          CapnMac permalink

          HHNF, sometimes a sno-globe is just a sno-globe.

          unless it is a bobblehead not.a.lion sno-globe cheese head fountain

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 March 29
          Angel Blue01 permalink

          I was wondering if Caspian et al. will encounter him on their way to the Last Sea, it might explain why the seawater is suddenly sweet.

          Maybe he’s a flying hazard to Eustice and Jill on their to Narnia from Aslan’s Country!

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 March 19
        EclecticBlue permalink

        Mini ash tornado?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          “I would wager that somebody is snorting Freud’s ashes right now.”

          Adores: 11
    • 2010 March 19
      TacoMagic permalink

      The best part about OP2’s plan is that once he’s gotten the BJ, he can evict his tennant if he doesn’t like the service.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 19

        The ad does say “come and go as you please”.

        Adores: 11
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Bu-dum Ching*

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      OP#1 – “I watch too much pron and think this is the way you meet girls.”

      OP#2 – “Hillary’s away a lot.”

      OP#3 – “I’ve been banned by court order from being within two hundred and fifty yards of any school.”

      Adores: 13
    • 2010 March 19
      Zodiac permalink

      OP#3 – is so far in the closet that he’s having adventures in Narnia

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 May 21
        Steph permalink

        Closets and wardrobes are NOT the same thing. *sniff*

        Adores: 0
  9. 2010 March 19

    When I first read “a spanking will help you learn your leasons” in #3, I thought the poster meant “lessons”, but now I think maybe he meant “lesions”.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      I think roommate #2 will be getting the lesions.

      Adores: 3
  10. 2010 March 19

    Uh. I didn’t know paint strippers were into giving blow-jobs.
    I’ve met some strippers *onslaught of bad jokes* and all this guy really needs in his life are a few fatherless children, shady boyfriends from work and drugs running through his house. He could just convert his apartment into the welfare office.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 March 19
      BigUncleJohn permalink

      He’s been watching too much TV — unrealistic expectations doesn’t begin to capture it.

      In reality, she’ll be leaving for work before he gets home, so he will be missing those key evening visit sessions. No, they’ll be having those at 3am when her and her entourage arrive to continue the party. Imagine how much fun it will be for him with three or four belligerent drunks in the front room eating his food, drinking his booze, and laughing at him until somewhere around 7am, by which time he’ll have to leave for work. He’ll have nothing to worry about, his stuff will be in good hands while he’s not there. Yeah, right.

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 March 19
        mudslicker permalink

        He can probably say goodbye to his complete ABBA album collection too; while his precious minnie poddle Tootsie will be shotgunning some schwag with Roscoe the pimp.

        Was that RACIST or was I just over-thinking?!?!?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19

          I don’t think we implied any particular ethnicity. Although, if it makes for more jokes, we can.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 March 19
        mudslicker permalink

        So then Roscoe is okay? GR8!

        Adores: 1
  11. 2010 March 19

    I don’t think he’s strick at all. I think the roommate will be strick with the spankings and, you know, shame.

    Adores: 2
  12. 2010 March 19
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    So if the stripper roommate gives me a bad blowjob, I get to spank her? Did I get that right?

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      *pulls out Cat Math calculator*
      Only is she’s not wearing tighty-whiteys. Or you are wearing them and she has on boxers. Or boxer briefs. Possibly made of tin foil. Or neither one of you have underwear on but are wearing sporty party hats.
      Wait a second…
      *shakes Cat Math calculator*
      Damn it!

      Adores: 19
      • 2010 March 19
        TacoMagic permalink

        If she put tighty-whiteys on, but then puts boxers on her head you enter a self-canceling spanking situation.

        I think the only thing you can do then is provide her with oral sex while spanking yourself.

        Adores: 15
        • 2010 March 19

          Best. Party. Ever.
          Where did you say this advertiser was located?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 19
          Lola permalink

          HHNF, do you want to drive, or is it my turn?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          Road Trip!

          I’ve got the rum!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19

          I’ll drive! Volvo wagons are teh best!
          Rum: check
          I’ll get the drugs and costumes….why are you looking at me like that?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          Lola permalink

          No reason … but I now have a guess where the money I loaned you went …

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19

          Lola, please don’t send Tony again. I…I’ll get the money. I have some of it. if I put on this squirrel costume and hang out on Main and 11th, I’m sure I can pay you back tomorrow. Anything, Lola, just not Tony. My bunnies still won’t come out form under the couch after that last visit.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          Who had the squirrel costume last?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19

          Oh, fedge. I can’t even remember. I’ll have to boil it in bleach.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          HHNF- Just give Tony the blowjob and no one gets hurt.

          Oh, yeah, except your soul…

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 March 19

          Hahahahaha! I don’t know why that’s so funny, but I can’t stop laughing.

          Adores: 2
  13. 2010 March 19

    This entire post is just ripe with perverted jokes for the picking and misconstruing. I see that Graham, Lola and I have influenced drmk well.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 19
      TacoMagic permalink

      How much misconstruing can there be with “I’ll rent you a room if you pay for it in blowjobs.”?

      Other than maybe: “Sure, I’d be happy to inflate your raft for you.”

      Adores: 14
      • 2010 March 19
        sarajean80 permalink

        I will say the open solicitation of prostitution is a refreshing change from the skeevy, barely-veiled innuendo that CraigsList is known for.

        I can picture the hamster wheel turning in his brain;

        “I’ve got a knob that needs polishing and this empty room that’s just going to waste…”
        *feeble lightbulb flickers on*

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          Is that hamster wheel 2 x 2 x 4 and missing the wheel part? Or just missing the scruples part?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          It’s more of a hamster rhombus.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          I love that word rhombus. It’s so much more user-friendly than parallelogram.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          Maybe a hamster Klein bottle.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          Yeah..a Klein bottle wearing CFM pumps and hanging out under the lamp post on the Möbius Strip.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 March 19

          I just love doing the rhombus to flamingo music.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 March 19

          She strips to Moby?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          LOL…her favorite song is “Why Does My Self-Esteem Feel So Bad?”

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 March 19
          Lola permalink

          Mobius stripper = also a contortionist, and able to twist around and … do certain things for an additional fee.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 March 19
          CapnMac permalink

          Rhombus pi R good, but better with hard sauce* rather than whipped cream.

          *[corey]hard sauce is fun, take cream and beat lightly with confectioner’s sugar to beginnings of soft peaks, then add apropos distilled spirit, rum or bourbon being classical. Then beat to medium stiff peaks. Dresses up a plain slice of pund cake or pie like going out of style.[/corey]

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          CapnMac: [corey] you’re getting awfully demanding there with that hard sauce big boy. First you beat it twice (into various states of stiffness) and then make it dress up as a slice of pound cake (leaving *ahem* pie out of it)!?!?

          You’re HARD CORE and STRICK! Have I got an apartment deal for you…

          [/corey]

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 March 19

          All this beating, whipping, soft peaks and dressing up is making me want pie real bad.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          Or be very bad to pie. There’s a apple brown betty that’s been looking at me funny…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          Oh yeah baby, that’s it. Whip that hard cream. Ohhh yeah. Now, use the spatula and spread it on the cake. Yes, spread it slowly. Now, cut me a slice of that cake. Yeah, that’s it, nice and big…

          *OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM*

          Aww damn, I just spilled my Bacontini everywhere.

          Adores: 16
        • 2010 March 19

          Apple Brown Betty is so my alternate-universe foldout name.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 19

          Why do I suddenly feel as if I walked in on something private, Taco?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          I create feelings in others that they themselves don’t understand.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          That would be… confusion or indigestion?

          ‘Cause I sorta understand both. Maybe.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 March 19
          mudslicker permalink

          Funny…cause I was thinking…panic.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19

          Oh, Taco, you always get my insides roiling and my heart burning. I know it’s unhealthy, but I keep coming back for more.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          A rather accurate portrayal of my relationship with Mexican food too, actually.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 March 20
          Windrose permalink

          Refrigerator.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 19
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      “I see that Graham, Lola and I have influenced drmk well.”

      Where the hell is Graham, anyway? He is going to be kicking himself if he misses out today.

      Unless…

      Maybe he’s auditioning stripper roommates.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 March 19

        I think so. Haven’t heard anyhting from him in ages, aside from here, and even then, he doesn’t seem to be at 100% Graham-ness. Hm.
        Probably busy. He got a shiny new important job.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 19
        Lola permalink

        … Or maybe he is the “Rm & bd 4 BJ” guy, and also “auditioning.” Didn’t he move fairly recently? Now we know why he hasn’t been around. He’s been getting that roommate situation settled.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19

          He already has roommates, and he’s pretty settled, last I spoke with him. I wonder if they wear boxers or briefs?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19
          Lola permalink

          If they wear briefs, I’d offer even money on them soon calling him “El Presidente Deadpool.”

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 19
          TacoMagic permalink

          Duct Tape Briefs. They chafe.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          Taking them off must be hell.

          On the bright side, no more paying for bikini waxes.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19
          GrahamT permalink

          I miss you guys. 🙁

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 March 19

          We miss you, too, G!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 19

          I miss you, too!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 20
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I miss telling you guys to

          GET A FREAKIN’ ROOM!

          Oh and Graham’s witty rep-partay!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 20
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          OK Graham, you know the first rule of ySac Club: You Don’t Show Up on Stripper, Blowjob, Spanking Roommates Day and say “I Miss You Guys.”

          The second rule of ySac Club is: There is no ySac club.

          The third rule of ySac Club is: The bands at ySac club always have stupid names.

          The fourth rule of ySac Club (strangely enough) is: All commenters, MUST wear regular underwear briefs. Commenters CANNOT wear boxers or boxer-briefs, but only to wear regular underwear briefs. (if you wear boxers or boxer briefs, you MUST switch. If you choice NOT to switch, you will be getting spanked. till you choice to switch)

          The fifth rule of ySac Club (even more strangely) is: Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

          The sixth rule of ySac Club is: If this is your first night on ySac, you have to comment.

          The seventh rule of ySac Club is: No identification of self or mission. No interference with the social development of said planet. No references to space or the fact that there are other worlds or civilizations.

          Plus some more, too many blah blah blah.

          Adores: 12
  14. 2010 March 19
    mudslicker permalink

    I’ll take a stabby-stab at guessing why Knob #2’s girlfriend left him. His Valentine’s Day card to her contained the poem:


    Baby,
    all you have to do
    is give me
    one
    blow job a day,
    no more,
    no less.
    Nothing romantic.
    Just that.
    And only that.

    Love,
    Dick
    <3

    Adores: 20
  15. 2010 March 19
    CapnMac permalink

    “…There is NO Rule Six!”

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 19
      mudslicker permalink

      No pooftahs Bruce!

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 March 19
        CapnMac permalink

        “No not drinking in rooms before Lights Out” too (aside: Crack Two, Bruce!)

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 19

      Are there….
      too many to list?
      I think we”ll skip from 5 to 34.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 19
        CapnMac permalink

        Nope. Not too many. Unless one is a stuck-up silly-beak.

        “This is the wattle/Symbol of out Land,/You can put it in a bottle/or hold it in your hand.”

        Amen, Crack Two!

        Adores: 2
  16. 2010 March 19
    Heather permalink

    “Helping hand” indeed.

    Adores: 1
  17. 2010 March 19
    EclecticBlue permalink

    Is it just me, or is today’s bonus Craigslist ad particularly appropriate? I’m guessing Sparky the Accountant will probably want to pick up the used stripper pole.

    (“Blew out” the implant, heh heh…)

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 19
      Lola permalink

      Likewise, I noticed the potential connection as well …

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 19
      CapnMac permalink

      Blew Out the Implant at the 40Watt 2Nite!!11!!

      (or, should that be “Blü Øut the Implant!”?)

      Adores: 0
  18. 2010 March 19
    Lizzy permalink

    I actually think the first one has the whiff of a rom-com to it. Perhaps this ad was placed not by the accountant, but his n’er-do-well friends who, seeking to relieve him of his boring environs, go for the old “live-in stripper” ploy.

    Of course, the woman who answer the ad isn’t really a stripper, but a gorgeous, down-on-her-luck artist, who fills the accountant’s life with excitement and whimsy — at least until they begin to fall in love, when all sorts of hilarity ensues!

    Or not.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 March 19
      jackie31337 permalink

      But she has to pretend to be a stripper so she can get the room, and he has to catch her and discover she’s not actually a stripper at all, and hilarity ensues.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 March 19

        You guys have so much faith in humanity! I love it!

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 20
        jackie31337 permalink

        Oh, I know! Since she’s an artist, maybe she’s actually a paint stripper and exaggerates to get the room, and then the guy walks in on her stripping paint at his friend’s house when she’s supposed to be at work stripping.

        Adores: 2
  19. 2010 March 19
    Lola permalink

    In coming back to my desk, it just now occurs to me that OP #3 might be some kind of revenge setup, e.g., someone hates their ex-roommate or soon-to-be ex-roommate, Daniel, who is possibly homophobic and/or deeply closeted, possibly deeply and repressively religious as well, and have chosen this venue to wreak revenge on the unsuspecting, if perhaps not exactly innocent, Daniel, probably hoping he’ll have an inbox full of submissively-posed guys in tighty-whitey pics that will tempt and torture him.
    Just a thought.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 19

      Seems like somebody *cough* Lola, *cough* has put a lot of thought into this.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 19
        TacoMagic permalink

        It makes me ashamed of all the time I spent dancing around in my tighty-whities singing about how I love them.

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 19
        Lola permalink

        A lot of thought? Well, I’d returned from a dept. birthday party, so let’s just call it “inspired by lots of good coffee and a cupcake.”

        Adores: 1
  20. 2010 March 19
    Hartster permalink

    I’ll take the free room! Ever since the housing market crashed (and that minor incident involving the Dawson’s cat, a laser-guided bomb, and a puppet at the local mall), it’s been hard for me finding work as a paint stripper. I used up almost all of my savings, and I’m down to picking change off the floor.

    Oh, waitaminnit. Not that kind of stripper? But I’m the Big Dutch Boy, I rap and breakdance while paint stripping! Oh, waitaminnit. Not that kind of dancing?

    As for the blow job ad, I’m reminded of what a friend told me when she was asked for a blow job, and the guy would give her $5. She pursed her mouth, went “Foo!” and then “There! You owe me $5.”

    As for the third ad, what if I want to do the spanking? Especially if I have a voice like Edna from The Incredibles and love repeating “There! I ate your piece!”

    Adores: 4
  21. 2010 March 19

    You know, it’s posts like today’s that lift my ‘happily married homeowner with common sense’ status from mundane to epic.
    Though I do have this strange urge to buy my husband some tighty whities…

    Adores: 5
  22. 2010 March 19

    Best.String.Ever.

    *wiping tears*…whooo…

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 19
      Shark Blank permalink

      I agree. It’s nice to know there are other people with the same weird thoughts as me… o.o

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 19
        Hartster permalink

        It’s not weird thoughts. It’s thoughts that I wish I could express in my real job but can’t because I’d get fired.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 19
          sarajean80 permalink

          I got to do something the other day that I have been wanting to do for years. It never fails, on a holiday that normal banks are closed but we are open,I get about ten million people who call to see if we are open. Like I would traipse into work for the sheer hell of it. I was helping on on a Saturday, a day we are never open, because my branch was participating in a program to help students fill out financial aid forms. Someone call and asked The Question. I got to say NO. It felt so good!
          Now I kinda want to break in on the weekends just so I can tell people we are not open. I’m pretty sure that’s a felony, though.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 March 21
          Hartster permalink

          I’ll do you one better: I got written up for not coming into work on a day when the governor declared a state of emergency. It seems we were considered essential personnel… except that my job at the time was to answer incoming home-delivery questions about the newspaper. On a day when there was NO home delivery. Yeah, I’m gonna come in just to tell people they ain’t getting their newspaper but if they could venture out six feet of snow to the nearest store, they could buy a copy.

          I left the company not too long after that.

          Adores: 0
  23. 2010 March 19
    CapnMac permalink

    “Strick” is nagging at me.

    If it is some perverse conjugation (NPI, for a change), which word might it be?

    Ok, I know some hard Corps people, in “The Old Guard” (aka Third herd) who are proud to be “strack.” But even they know the term is a construct.

    Oh well, I’ll just toss this in with those who assign “whatever” to the differences between “duct” and “duck” (which probably goes in the “tales from the office” folder on people wanting “duck repair”).

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      A farmer visits an engineer, carrying a large burlap sack.
      “I hear you fancy city folk can fix all sorts of things.” he says. The engineer replies in the affirmative and the farmer reaches into his sack, pulling out a large white duck.
      “I need you to fix my duck, he broke his beak on a rock.” The engineer examines the bird’s beak and discovers a small crack in it.
      “I think I have just the thing for it, an experimental biodegradable adhesive. It’s very expensive, though.”
      The farmer just smiles.
      “That’s okay, you can just put it on his bill.”
      *pause for groans*
      I now return you to the regularly scheduled snark already in progress.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 19
        TacoMagic permalink

        I’ll supply you with at least one:

        *groan*

        Adores: 1
  24. 2010 March 19
    queensbee permalink

    yah. alduce me to introlow myself. and what if i want a bj AND NOT A SPANKING???? i am still laughin.

    Adores: 2
  25. 2010 March 19
    Ed Snyder permalink

    I’m 6’2″ and 220 pounds. I can take a spanking if you can take a punch, Roomy.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 March 19
      sarajean80 permalink

      I’m 5’3″ and it’s nobody’s business how much I weigh. I’ve got a baseball bat and a stun gun, so I better be getting the bigger room; ‘K, sunshine?

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 March 19
      Ed Snyder permalink

      I wanted to start an anonymous Gravatar with the ugliest bucktoothed woman I could find and make a post pretending to respond to the BJ ad, but then decided it wasn’t worth the trouble.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 19
        sarajean80 permalink

        Would’ve been funny,though.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 March 20
        Lola permalink

        Maybe not worth it, but I like the way you’re thinking.

        Adores: 0
  26. 2010 March 19
    Windrose permalink

    Tacowagic –MmMmMmagic. Whatever. Punchity punch. Yeah. Whoop. 8) Honestly it was very funny and so wrong it made it right. You are close to elebenty-hunnerd punches now, I think.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 20
      Tacomagic permalink

      Thank Windrose. I’m one punch closer to that coffee. 🙂

      Adores: 0
  27. 2010 March 20
    Amaia permalink

    What’s the going rate on blow jobs? I mean, that has got to be one hell of an apartment.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 20
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      Alter boy: “Two snickers and a coke.”

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 20
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        That would be “Altar.”

        I wasn’t even drunk… Crikey!

        Adores: 0

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