YSaC, Vol. 616: $500 ferm, or best offer.
tenner sax jr – $500
i have two bouth realy nice one is a monique the outher a yamaha i want 500 a peice nice horns for a youth ferm one horn about 8 years old outher about 3 also have a corenett which is about 40 years old 250 for that nice shape this was mine played in school gess i need to let anouther young man or gal play it and have some fun also a harmony youth gtar 75 nice leave me a number and we can talk
Naomi, who sends this, pretty much says it all:
“I don’t even know where to start with this one. It violates literally every elementary school spelling rule: ‘When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking’ — that would suggest that bouth might be spelled correctly but you should write uother. ‘I before E except after c.’ ‘Don’t write random words that don’t even vaguely resemble anything ferm that would go in that part of a sentence.'”
I especially like ferm that last one, although I have trouble remembering glumple it sometimes.
Naomi continues:
“I really do think we ought to pitch in and buy this guy’s instruments, since obviously he is so destitute he can’t buy enough punctuation to feed his family.”
Or at least point out to him that it’s more cost-effective to buy in bulk. He should go down to Costco and pick up one of those big five gallon containers of commas, or maybe one of those big party mix bags of mixed punctuation. Just don’t forget to pick out the semicolons… nobody likes those.
Splunge.
I really gotta give him props for getting the CatMath right, though.
But, is there really a market for horns on a youth ferm? I thought those were places you sent kids to when they were naughty….really naughty…and then there’s a crazy lady there that makes them dig hole after hole after hole…looking for onions or something.
And then the freaky-looking aliens with the tiny heads on their tongues show up with their robotic cars and there’s this big fight over a glowing Rubik’s cube.
Or something like that.
Yeah, sarajean, that’s the one!
Or, maybe not.
“Just don’t forget to pick out the semicolons… nobody likes those.”
That sentence is just begging for a semicolon! It would have enhanced the snark nicely.
“Just don’t forget to pick out the semicolons; nobody likes those.”
Hey now — I love semicolons! As a matter of fact, I think they should be called hypercommas instead. ‘Semicolon’ is such a derogatory term.
Semicolons are the black licorice jellybeans of the grammatical world.
I don’t think I would buy a coronet from someone who can’t spell “guess” right, after 40 years the stupid might have rubbed off on it.
On the other hand, you only have to come up with 75 nices (neeces?..just what is the plural of nice?) to get an awesome gtar. Why, if you just had an ottom to sit on while you played…
I think “nice” is a plural, since there are 75 of them. Therefore, the singular must be “nouse” or “nie”, depending on which rule you use. “Nouse” just ekes out the win based on number of words using the rule (and also because it follows normal historical English rules). 🙂
I think $250 for a coronet might be a pretty good deal, especially if it is bejeweled and made of gold or some other precious metal.
But I don’t have much need for a cornet, which is probably what this guy is selling. The chances of resale there are a bit slimmer.
Maybe it’s a ’69 Dodge Coronet. That would just squeak over the 40 year mark.
Don’t forget that it should be made out of some severed and preserved limb too. I’m thinking a giraffe leg
wouldwood be perfect for a bedazzled coronet.hey, don’t be mean to the black licorice jellybeans, I like those.
Ok, does this make me sad person?
I just thought it would be a good analogy, since some people love them, some people loathe them, and most couldn’t care less.
isn’t that Marmite?
Not sure what that is, so…Yes?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marmite
sometimes I crave the stuff; sometimes the thought makes me ill. *see my semi-colon? See it?*
HHNF’s flashing her semicolon at everyone!
yeah, but she only has a small link, not like TM’s huge one.
@ Dev – for added Marmite polarisation try ‘meat tea’, which is just Marmite (or Bovril, for extra oomph) dissolved in boiling water. I used to have a flatmate who would ambush you on hungover mornings with that.
Still makes my stomach flip to think about it.
oh I’ve done hot bovril many times, although not so much of late as our local store doesn’t always have it in stock.
Never tried it with Marmite though, maybe I should
Marmite ain’t nuthin on Vegemite!
Ooops, I’m back in the world of correct spelling and punctuation, but also incredibly jetlagged, so forgive any past and future errors for at least the next 5 days.
Having infilicted Vegemite on my many non-Aussie friends, I can assure you that unless you have grown up with it (or spent a past life as a horse with a love of Salt-Lick) you will never enjoy the stuff. It is a salty black gooey mess that is absolutely heavenly on top of fresh white bread with butter and a slice of good cheddar.
@ sweetbiscuit – it’s also surprisingly good spread very very thinly over fruit toast. Strange but true. Mmm, salty/sweet.
I’ve actually never tried Vegemite sweetbiscuit, perhaps I should though. Since I’m rather fond of both Bovril and Marmite I’m thinking I wont be too horrified by it.
slightly off subject, but related, try marmalade on toasted bacon and cheese rolls – absolutely divine – especially when camping on the beach and waking up as the sun is coming up. I will give the vegemite/fruit loaf a go. a friend of mine loves marmite spread thinly on slices of granny smith apples – i quite like it. One last cullinary tip: avocado and marmite/vegemite on toast – yum!
oh come now, there’s really no such thing as off topic here is there? I thought that was the rule rather than the exception.
Strawberry Cheesecake jellybeans are my favorite. Followed closely by Tangerine.
*is now hungry for sweets*
Jelly Belly Juicy Pear jellybeans. Mmmmmmmmm
Oh, geez, sj. Did ya have to? Now I’m salivating.
Those darn pear jellybellies. SOOO good.
Orange Crush Jelly Bellies. Yup, I just ruined your diet.
corey/
Did you know that 27 jellybeans can spur a diabetic fit? When I was pregnant and testing for gestational diabetes, they told me to either buy the $30 special syrup drink or eat about 30 jellybeans, and jellybeans work faster. /corey
I imagine the jellybeans taste better too
That’s a fun doctor, though. Take 30 jellybeans, call me in the morning 🙂
30 jellybeans would put me into a diabetic coma!
I thought he was a fun doctor, too. But he just wanted to watch my face go from ‘happy’ to ‘barfalicious’ within a matter of minutes. Revenge for having to look at my girlie bits, I suppose.
So sad to see jumble this poster saying goodbye to his ferm youth. I’m sure he had lots of commas and periods in bargle his younger days. But as one ages, cheddar punctuation is the first thing to go. Albatross.
Okay…I think I’ve figured out what made me laugh to tears about this, Windrose.
You said ‘Albatross’….*snicker…snort…guffaw…*
can’t quite put my finger on it either, but whatever it was left me with a monitor screen in need of a clean. Damn coffee gets everywhere doesn’t it?
“Cormorant!”
Blue-footed booby!
Merganser!
Rough-faced Shag!!!
Lorikeet!
Yes?
Auk! Auk!
Albatross! Albatross!
It’s a bird, innit? It’s a bloody sea bird… it’s not any bloody flavour. Albatross!
Yer killin’ me Smalls!! *wipes the tears*
And a chocky-ice, too please.
I didn’t know Van Gogh had a comma period.
I’ve had comma periods. They scare the &*%$ outta me.
So, given the current generation’s overuse of punctuation (as in ZOMG!!!11!!!, 🙂 🙁 :*-(, N*Sync etc.), will they lose their ability to punctuate (however rudimentary it may be) earlier, or will they retain it longer, having exercised it the more? Is punctuation a one-off commodity, like teeth, or more enduring, like muscle elasticity?
I think it depends on the punctuation. An exclamation point is fairly one-off, over-and-done-with explosive, but I hear a colon can be pretty elastic.
I like semi-colons!
I do, too; in the profession of pedantry an ambiguous connector is sometimes very useful.
I love semicolons; as well. But I can never seem; to use them correctly;. And improperly placed festival; semicolons bring my brain to a screeching; halt.
Ironically, improperly prepared tacos bring my colon to a screeching halt.
Ughghgh… Too early in the day for my brain to be stuttering like that!
TM: “Using a semicolon isn’t hard; I once saw a party gorilla do it.”
Jackie, you are a lifesaver. The white, yummy kind. That is the bestest educational tool on colons that I’ve seen since pron. I mean, School House Rock.
*continues to want candy…*
Speaking of lifesavers and colons, LifeSavers kindof look like….
do you still want some LifeSavers, Silva? Red?
Kurt Vonnegut apparently did not.
I do, too! But then I have pedantic tendencies* and also like black jellybeans, so I guess it’s not too surprising.
*Pedantic Tendencies = Suicidal Tendencies cover band, playing songs with slavish attention to detail and nuance, including musicians’ instruments clothing, etc.
Wait… is that “musicians’ instruments’ clothing, etc.” or “musicians’ instruments, clothing, etc.”? I like the first one, because then you can knit little outfits for the guitars.
If you knitted them using musicians’ hair then I would go with “musicians’ instruments’ clothing, etc.”
Er! Sorry, apparently the editing part of my brain was insufficiently caffeinated at the time of posting.
While I meant to say “instruments and clothing,” I have to say that your idea of making clothes for the instruments is appealingly inspired. It might not fit with the dogma of the Pedantic Tendencies, but they need to lighten up.
Penguin, the idea of manufacturing anything out of the hair of some musicians I have known just pushed my Skeeve-O-Meter into an infernal and alarming shade of red. Go on, I’m not stopping you if you want to do it, but will pass on it myself.
Pedantic Tendencies…Yeah! I have their Black/White Album…sooooooo rocks, man! I love their cover of “You May Be Right, I May Be Anal”!
Y’think we can get Pedantic Tendencies to open for A Yute Ferm 2-nite?
Or are they liekly to get a bedderer offer?
Mind you, A Youth Ferm has no instruments–they are all for sale, so they need a gig for accappuellar.
CJ, my favorite tracks from their Anal album is ‘I’ll Show You How to Use a Semi-colon’
Yet another good one HHNF…
Have you heard their rendition of Led Zeppelin’s “The Song Remains the Same; No Matter How You Punctuate It”? Totally.Awesome.
They are so nice, oven roasted with herbs; spices; the least hint of brown sugar.
I’m off all day working and when I check back in there’s a humorous thread about semicolons. I love you all!
Since he is (or was) a musician, I think we should read “ferm” as short for “fermata.” Apparently this means we are supposed to hold the previous word for longer than usual. (Though holding a youth for longer than usual is probably a bad idea, unless you’re in the Cougar Life ad.)
And, I’ve heard it said, there are laws against that in some states.
Not in the one that guy is living in, for sure. Probably Alabama.
Oh man, huge slam on Alabama out of nowhere.
Alabama! Alabama!
It’s a state, innit? It’s a bloody southern state… it’s not any bloody flavour. Alabama!
win.
Ummm..I believe this is way too soon after that Unblublefish speedboat ad. We all need some detox time.
“…young man or gal…”??? Really???
Calling Bill Kaulitz and Lady Gaga…
“…old man or gal..”
Calling Ru Paul and David Bowie; maybe Richard Simmons..
I just had a conversation, last night, about whether the term ‘gal’ is offensive or not. For the record, yes, very offensive to black women of a certain age.
[/The more you know ]
I’m reading this while my gtar gently weeps for the future of humanity.
Your gtar is welcome to join me and my flask as I do the same thing over here in the corner.
Wouldn’t that be the “correner”?
No, the correner is what I’ll need if my brain rebels and kills me with an aneurysm from reading this stuff. S/he will get to do the post-mortem.
I laughed so furm I almost had a correnery.
Are you seated upon ottom strumming a gtar for the chords (chourds?)
Or, have you retreetd bhind the squiggly withe lines hoping the stoopid goes ‘way?
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping.
I’m giving Dan 5 of my hard earned internets for the correct usage of the word splunge.
Spluonge; ferm.
obo
“i aslo have a obo for sail 80 nice ferm gess some kid cna have a compleat wodwin secsion or hole band if they got more instermints call me xxx-xxx-xxxx no calls pleas only email”
I like it. But maybe I don’t. And I’m not being indecisive.
Eye half a bieg instruoment dat i waunt tou give th kids to touch one of the buttoms you ned umplinky teh goud skiles and hav been leaning in hig skooul then you kan touoch mie instrumant an burmisting you bei it frum mee 4 free;: 500$!
Childran anly i liek thems too have of my instimint!
intecrastically
The problem I have with this ad is the guy’s pricing. I think with the rest of his spelling missteps “ferm” obviously is “firm”. So he’s firm on his price, or best offer. Is he thinking somebody’s going to offer more?
I’m truly disappointed that this ad didn’t also say “i have a nice obo 250 obo”.
Probably because the poster thinks “$250 obo” means that whatever they’re selling is priced at $250 AND an oboe.
Or the price is 250 oboes.
Yancy, “ferm” is in the ad. “Or best offer” is in Dan’s title, but not in the ad. “Firm or best offer” is something that we see a lot in Craigslist ads, but it’s not actually in this one.
No! Duon’t, go. too Cost’co two- by punctuation: than the pounctation, will be “randuomly apearing” everyweeir.
nice try son but i had the locks chainged so you wont be stealling my music stouff to sell any more just so you can bye more drugs you lazey bastard you’re brother alto god rest his sole never treeted me this way
It’s too early in the morning for me to even begin to pretend like I can say something witty about this.
All my life I’ve been told that a person who plays instruments becomes a faster ‘lurner’ and more adept at, say, everything and gains superpowers and such. Just yesterday, I enrolled my 4th grade daughter in violin lessons. Then I see this. I am terrified.
Purrpare yusef fer lotz of vurzens of Twank Twank Littel Stir.
Ferm.
They’re having them practice on ‘One Day Like This’ by Elbow. That’s fine by me, but I’m afraid it will ruin it forever.
For what it’s worth, I play a whole pile of different instruments. However, drmk won’t let me operate the accordion in the house.
She’s lucky it’s just an accordion. I have a friend who once had a bagpiper for a roommate. Did you know there really isn’t volume control on those things?
But you can poke hundreds of tiny holes in the bag and blame it on the cat.
YOU can, sarajean; I don’t think that enraging a Scot, even passive-aggressively, is a wise move, particularly if one is cohabiting with them.
[corey]Making a piper cranky not a good idea at the best of times. Especially if they’ve been using their parlour pipes; getting out the war piped until the smaller set get repaired tends to have an impact upon the neighbors.
[mcCorey]They make an electronic set of pipes, that sends all the audio output to a jack, so it can be fed to either headphones, or to the maps for the band.[/McCorey]
[/corey]
Perhaps it’s the Polka dancing that you insist go along with it that she’s opposed to.
I’m much more interested in Tango or Klezmer or Tejano or Cajun or Roma or…
Didja ever notice just how MANY styles of music use an accordion?
Zydeco! A good zydeco band can make the dead jump up and dance.
Anyone who’s against accordions is against Weird Al, and anyone who’s against Weird Al is against everything awesome.
Edit: we must have a picture of you in polka attire, complete with funky shorts and awesome hat and socks with wooden shoes.
..and Judy Tenuta. Although I never could stand that ferm.
Dan, that’s only because you need the accordion to stay put so as not to throw off the balance of the 3-legged sofa.
It’s allergies.
Wow…you’re allergic to accordions? Bummer…so, like what happens if you’re subjected to one? Hives?
Polka dots.
Beautiful.
Well plaid, Mr. White, well plaid.
Why does this ad seem like a thinly-veiled description of child trafficking?
I see that your screen name is ‘Sax, Jr.’ and you’re interested in young guys or gals. Have a seat over here. We have your ill-formed ad printed out and police are surrounding the house as we speak. Agents have found instruments in your trunk. Are they for torturing the guys and gals you plan on saxing with?
Please leave the iced tea on the kitchen island and explain yourself.
Love,
Chris Hansen
His punctuation was flushed out at his last semicolonoscopy.
Q: “Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can’t locate a tenner sax jr. off a Burger King drive-thru menu. Why do you think this is?”
Miss South Carolina: “I personally
believe, that U.S. Americans, are unable to do so,
because uh,
some, people out there,
in our nation don’t have such small
musical instruments and uh…
I believe that our education like such as in South Africa,
and the Iraq,
everywhere like such as…
and, I believe they should uh,
our education over here,
in the U.S. should help the U.S.
or should help South Africa,
and should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”
Host Mario Lopez: “Thank you very much South Carolina.”
Mudsy, I love this. It’s frikkin’ genius.
Venturing a guess, I would bet Miss S. Carolina has placed more than one or two Craigslist ads in her time.
Ms. S. Carolina is on the current Amazing Race with her boyfriend who is as bright as she is. It has been interesting.
Ooh..I smell trouble if maps are involved!
Or public speaking.
That’s one of the best freeform poems I’ve ever read.
Bouth and outher might be the Op’s attempt at adding a little intercontinental flavour to the add.
Although reading it aloud makes me wonder if he’s from New Foundland
i just can’t help but have cher mouth when reading this ad. ouh baouby!
Hey, I’m back. I have all the staples and stitches out of my stomach and the scar is healing on it’s own, so I can now freely laugh without it hurting or worrying about tearing anything 🙂
I read through all the posts I missed while I was away last night. All in a row. I think I gave myself a headache. And am now tempted to draw that Flamingo with a guitar, a Whooping Crane setting up the speakers, and perhaps an Ostrimu with an accordion . Have there been any other bird-related YSAC posts? I’d like to make a whole bird-scene.
As for today’s post, I can’t make any sense out of it. I think it’s about ferns.
Welcome back, SilvaNoir!
There’s always Tahiti Sam!
ìFernwood Tonight! Elebenty!
Yay! I’m so happy that you’re feeling better. Never leave us again. It was a cold, dark time. We don’t like to speak of it.
What!?! No (non) musically gifted penguin with a techno colored mohawk and dressed in a bedazzled faux not.a.lion jacket?
Oh well. Maybe next time.
Glad you’re feeling better. Do continue to take it easy.
Yeah, I’m still on house-rest until the middle of April. I kind of feel like a lazy bum.
(I’ll sneak a penguin into the drawing for you)
My favorite bird will always be the lost Macaw these people found and kept for several years, then decided to look for the real owners. Sheesh! 8) So good to see your little mousey face, Silva!
Welcome back, Silva! Any chance we could get a CatMath drawing?
great to see you back silva, we missed you hun.
Don’t think I mentioned it last time, but use Vit E oil on the scar if you are not already doing it. After my first surgery, my husband found a small bottle for around $6. I think it was called Jason’s. I had two surgeries (same spot) about 4 months apart and the bottle lasted until about 3 months after the second surgery. Much easier than breaking open those little capsules.
So glad you’re back!
Somewhat OT, the ad at upper right for something called IXL and featuring faux children’s drawings (pictures drawn in a faux-childlike style, not pictures drawn by faux children) of people is offering “Twenty free problems!” Um, no thank you. I don’t want any free problems, I have enough of the expensive sort.
As the spokesperson for literary atrocities, Jay-Z, said, ‘I got 99 problems but a faux-child drawing ain’t one.’
Hey! I love Jay-Z! The Jeff Gordon of rap, back to claim pole position.
But aren’t you tempted to pick up some “kindergarten skills”? Like don’t eat the paste?
Yeah, but I don’t eat the paste, Silva (welcome back). It just doesn’t taste like it used to.
I know the one named Monique! That’s Monique Lewinsky. She believed in sax on the first date….
Bill did play the saxophone.
Yeah, but she blew Bill, not the other way around, so I don’t think Monique is the saxophone in this context.
Aw, snap!
I am proud and happy to be in the same virtual room with Lola, Isaac, and sarajean! Special guest star, Hannah Rural Montana! Punches all around, good people!
can you give yourself a punch though? I mean is that technically or indeed physically possible?
To quote William Shatner, “I’ve done it before.” 8) But actually, I didn’t get in the Don’t Suck box. I’m just in the virtual office handing out the punch.
Sing Ho! for a punch!
Yipee! Punchity-punch me!
I think this is the first on-topic(ish), non-OTC medication fueled one I’ve gotten in a while.
OT, but is anybody else getting those Orb Audio ads? Personally, I couldn’t care less about the speakers, but I would really like to know where I can get a pair of those red high heels.
Jackie, I didn’t see the ad, but you might find something you like here:
http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Shoes?page=1
8)
Tenner, huh? I don’t think we alphapotomus have one of those in our band. I mean, we have a /tenor/ saxophone, but he’s quite the arrogant little prick. Perhaps a try of the tenner will mellow him out. And a correnet, too? Now all we need is a Seussaphone and our band will be nice and ferm.
+1 to Naomi for the commentary.
+1 to Dan, too, for the additions.
And -1000 for the OP.