YSaC, Vol. 620: Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow….
I have a siamese cat
give me a call ###-#### Roy
Really? You have a Siamese cat, do you? How interesting.
Is there some reason you are posting this fact to Craigslist, or do you just like to volunteer random bits of information? Is that why you want us to call you? I can just imagine the conversation:
Me: “Hello, I read your ad on Craigslist”
Roy: “I have a Siamese cat!”
Me: “Yes, you mentioned in the ad. Are you trying to find a home for it?”
Roy: “I like cheese!”
Me: “Yes, but about the cat…”
Roy: “This one time, I got to go on a ROLLER COASTER!”
Me: “Okaay”
Roy: “I like Jell-O”
Roy’s Mom (in the background): “Roy, sweetie! Nap-time!”
Of course, given that this is a Siamese cat, there’s another possibility. The authors of this site live with a Siamese cat who occasionally allows them onto the bed. In fact, she’s sitting on my lap as I am writing this. But the defining trait of Siamese is that they are noisy little buggers. They talk constantly. Sometimes they even sing opera at three in the morning while you’re trying to get some sleep. I mean, really, you have to go to work in the morning, and the idiot cat decides that 2:30 AM is the PERFECT time for a medley of Puccini’s greatest arias from under the dining room table, and holy COW why won’t she STOP….
Excuse me, I digress.
The point is, I wonder if the point of the ad is so you can call and talk to the cat.
Thanks for the link, girlcandream!
I lived with a Siamese cat, and frankly I find that having survived the ordeal a badge of honor. Maybe Sparky feels the same way.
I really did love that cat, but geez-louise he was very opinionated! If his eyes were open, he was offering his version of everything from dust bunnies to world events.
Sigh…….I really miss him……
I have a Siamese Cat,
Her name is Tiny Kim.
I put her on the phone,
so she could talk to my friend Jim.
She chatted all the morning,
she chatted all the night,
she tried to chat him up for days,
but Jim was bored, all right?
So if you’re feeling lonely,
and need a little chat,
Call ###-####, ask for Roy,
and talk to his Siamese Cat (cat cat cat).
This will be stuck in my head all day long. Add a plus one because sadly, I can’t 🙂
Nice JAMen. Now I can only hope this song pushes the “gimme back that filet o’ fish” song out of my head.
I aim to please. Anything to jostle an earworm. ew.
Agh, Colleen! I try so hard to limit my exposure to that vile tune, and now it’s in my head! And since I don’t know the tune that JAMen is referring to, I can’t use that to exorcise it…
ooops – EclecticBlue, my sincere apologies!!
I had a Siamese cat then many cats later, a Birman (long-haired version of Siamese with brain removed and fluff provided instead). I loved them both. They tolerated me. They both liked to talk to my friends on the phone, often not letting me get a word in edgeways. If only our llama-nun had left in the phone number I could have relived my days with Choy and Misty by phoning long-distance to talk to Roy’s cat.
*slopes off for strong coffee and wipes away tears*
PS Awesome poem, JAMen.
*blush* thanks.
I never had the honor of being owned by a Siamese…but a very dear friend of mine in college had one. And I loved her. She really couldn’t have cared less about me, except that I bore treats. Yeah…I’m cheap like that. Come to think of it, a more recent dear friend has a Siamese who gave me the stink eye until I started treating him, too. I’m so easy.
Our neighbour before we moved had a Birman, very chatty and yes, rather brainless too.
Many years ago, I had a 1/4 Siamese cat named Sushi who is still a legend in my family. When I returned from Okinawa, Japan (where I’d gotten her) and moved back in with my parents for a while, I let her out of the crate and showed her the litter box – which she ignored – food and water, etc. Then I carried her back out to the kitchen. The very first thing she did when I set her down was to stalk over to my mother’s handbag and pee, noisily and extensively, in it.
Sushi was unbelievably loud and talkative, to the point that we sometimes had to go into another room to carry on a conversation. (She was also lazy, so she’d seldom get up and follow us.) Her favorite things in the world were to be spun around on an office-type chair, and to be manually spun on the kitchen floor. Hmm… that sounds a bit naughty, but what I mean is that she’d flop down on the floor, then screech and howl until someone would come hook a hand or toe in her “armpit” and spin her in circles on the floor until she’d finally shut up.
At least twice on any given day, someone in the house could be heard yelling over the yowls, “For God’s sake, will someone PLEASE go spin that cat?” and we always wondered what the neighbors must have thought we meant.
Now, some 15-20 years later, I was given a part-Siamese kitten for Christmas. (Apparently the rule about not giving presents that eat or, um, defecate doesn’t apply to parents, no matter how old their children get.) The kitten, Cambria, is already the most personality-laden cat in the house – and she loooooooves to be spun in my office chair. She’s not too vocal yet, though – I’m torn between hoping she lives up to Sushi’s legacy of high-volume eccentricity, vs. relishing the peace, quiet, and relative normalcy.
I think that has to be my quote of the day
“For God’s sake, will someone PLEASE go spin that cat?”
A friend of mine has said her father and his wife have a cat who loves to be spun on the cardboard tray that beverages come in – they’re in the low tray which is then covered over with plastic. They took the plastic and the Snapple out of it and the cat laid in it. Just to see what she would do, her father spun the cat around in the tray, and she loved it! She’s now so pudgy that she overflows the tray, but when they can spin her around on the floor, she closes her eyes in pleasure. I’m so amused to hear of other cats that like that motion as well!
I’m pretty sure Roy is trying to start an “I have a Siamese Cat!” club. Or a web site. Or a blog. Good ol’ Roy.
That was my thought too… Siamese cat club.
P.S.
A drawing for you:
http://silvanoir.deviantart.com/art/Windrose-158823185
🙂
Silva, that is lovely! Too funny! I hope WR thinks so, too!
I sent a copy to her phone, otherwise she wouldn’t get to see it until tonight. 🙂
She likes it. Of course. 🙂
Very awesome!
That is awesome!!
Silva, that is awesome!!+elebenty!
Poor Isaac is going to be looking a little rough; two in a row with those things!
brilliant Silva, great work
Ahahaha I love it!! See, this is why you can’t go away, Silva – everything’s better with pictures (or pictures of pictures)!
I love the sunglasses!
Hilarious! I love it! *plus*
I love it! It’s so me! And it’s so this list! 8) Thank you, thank you, thank you! May I please use it as my avitar?
sure, use it however you’d like 🙂
Silva, you are so talented … and so gracious!
Wait, shouldn’t that be a conjoined-cat club, to use the presently preferred term-of-art?
Which must needs evince:
Ran-n-the Siamese playing the Conjoined-Cat Klub 2Nite (Dams Free; Toms $5)
Or a Dam plus a Tom for $7?
(Hey, can’t hurt to try some CraigsMath, right?)
“We are Siamese if you please
We are Siamese if you don’t please
We are from a residence of Siam
There is no finer cat then I am!”
~ Lady and the Tramp
Sorry, cat math attack with a serious dash of Disney tossed in.
This song, incidentally, is how I learned (and subsequently became obsessed with) the word “domicile” when I was 3.
That song had a bad ass bass line. I think I’ll bump it when I roll through the ‘hood.
This ad was Roy’s last attempt to save himself before he was drawn and quartered while swimming in the pond out back.
Do you see that thing swimming round and round
Maybe we can reach on in and make it drown
If we sneaking up upon it carefully
There will be head for you and a tail for me.
We are Siamese if you please because there are no finer cats than we am.
Given what you folks have been saying, I wonder: How will Roy hear the phone?
Roy was obviously an idiot.
The cat is holding him hostage…making him type…under threat of claw to the nostril. Devious they are, these Siamese cats.
The cat, no doubt, will answer the phone.
Well, there’s no area code given, so the Thai-cat is only going to get local calls.
Or, this is the final clue to the ongoing feline conspiracy, and the cells all have the same number in every area code.
And, we humans ne’er the wiser, as the phone will be answered in m’r’-Lao
I was the submitter of Roy’s ad. There is no area code because this state only has one!
A Whole State? With only one area code? Oh, did you feel that? My mind just boggled! Dude! A bunch of talented people I knew in the early 70s in a Sci-Fi club performed a skit about Colonizing Wyoming. It was so funny. 8)
I once worked with a guy who claimed that no one actually lived in North Dakota and that the tourism ads they played on television were a trap to harvest organs.
We’ve just got the one area code here in Vermontland. But we don’t have many people up here.
I like chocolate miiiilllk…
Gummy Bears!
Nallekarkkia! Viikset! (Sorry, I saw that movie in Finnish, so I don’t know the lines in English.)
According to the All-Knowing Google, it’s “Moustache!”
Now I wish I could’ve seen that movie in Finnish!
That’s nice, Roy. I used to supervise a woman (30ish) who lived with her parents and who would periodically call home and ask her mother to hold the phone by her cat so she could meow at it (totally not making this up, wish I were). Are you asking us to call your cat when you’re not able to do so, Roy?
Did we fire that woman later for repeated inappropriate behavior? Yes, yes, we did.
My last cat was a real talker and singer, to the point where people would ask if he was siamese; he wasn’t, not as far as anyone could tell. He totally did aria singing at 2:30. Wanna-be siamese, I guess.
OMG!! Now I have to clean my monitor screen, Lola!
I have three cats and I have never called any of them on the phone. If I ever do, you have permission to taze my ass until the desire passes.
Just as well. They probably wouldn’t give you their cell phone numbers, even if you did buy the phones for them………
And then there’s the whole lack-of-opposable-thumbs thing.
Most cats would probably let it go to voice mail rather than waste the energy to answer the phone anyway.
I think my cat would have crank called the four dogs that used to live upstairs from us in our old apartment.
Ya wanna go out??!! Ya wanna go for a ride??!!!!! [click]
“Squirrel!” {:click:}
*(Skittering sound of doggie toenails followed by the sound of cats laughing)*
As we all know, dogs come when called but cats let it kick over to voice mail, take a message, and get back to you later. Maybe.
I’ve talked to my dog on the phone.
More than once.
*hangs head in shame*
But I didn’t specifically call for the dog, and never from work. It was while on vacations and talking to anyone who was at home and asking them to put the phone up to the dog for a minute so she could hear my voice.
So I’m only a tiny bit crazy. I think.
When I first moved away and my parents would put me on speaker phone, sometimes they’d ask me to say hi to the dog and the dog would run around and freak out because it could hear me but not see or smell me. But I never called to talk to the dog, specifically, and I always communicated in human speech, not barking. It was mainly for the amusement factor, not because I actually thought the dog would understand me or anything.
Until my mother figured out that voice mail is not an answering machine (a period of about 6-12 months) I often got fascinating voice mail for the cat:
“Honey, are you home? hello? HELLO? pick up the phone! Edward, it’s Grandma! meow meow meow meow meow! Get mommy to pick up the phone! meow meow meow meow meow…”
Of course, even if it had been an answering machine, I highly doubt the cat would have “got mommy to pick up the phone,” he’s not highly motivated.
And yes, my mother, having given up on my producing grandchildren anytime soon (hey mom, PhD before b-a-b-y) calls my cat “her grandkitty”…. sigh.
My mom does that, too. She doesn’t even have the lack-of-grandkids excuse, since my sister has three kids.
And she calls her cat my “little sister.”
When my mom calls she sometimes asks me to hold the phone up for my dog (who spent much of his earliest puppyhood with her because she works from home), and it terrifies him. He cowers in the back of his crate and barks at the phone. I have never heard her bark back, though, so I suppose it’s not so bad…
We’re all a little mad here…
To quote Bubba, if we weren’t all crazy we’d all go insane.
My parents are firmly not fooled by “fur babies” or whatever else you want to call them. They want a real husband and grandbaby – human!
Me, I’m taking my time … bio-clock be damned.
That’s where having a baby-factory sister comes in handy.
I’m an only, sarajean, hence the parental franticness re: reproducing.
You must be mad, or you wouldn’t have come here.
*ahem* I have called home to talk to birds. Sometimes they talk back. *tries not to miss Bella, who went back to her real mommy and daddy a week ago*
We’re all here cuz we’re not all there tonight.
Windrose: birds can actually talk back and might recognize your voice. That’s a bit different.
HHNF: +1 – Possibly the unofficial motto of this site.
I thought my Misty (my avatar) was the only non-siamese who did middle of the night songs Lola. I guess she’s not quite as weird as I thought she was.
dev, mine was also almost completely deaf, so it was loud and atonal. Perhaps not opera, more like … Yoko Ono, really.
maybe the deaf part is the reason then? My Misty is 21 years old, a little arthritic and rather deaf, and the older she’s gotten the loader the songs have been.
I had a tortie named Misty too! Her mother was Siamese, so she was very…chatty when the mood struck her. My dad called her Goat-Cat because she sounded like a goat when she meowed.(or so he said)
Happy real birthday, Dev!
Thanks sarajean 🙂
As for my Misty, I’m not sure I could even begin to describe what she sounds like she “sings” I just know it’s damn loud.
I’ll swap you one of mine. Fearless has a “broken meow-er”, she sounds like she has very bad laryngitis and makes a sort of raspy squeak. If you’re not looking right at her, most of the time you can’t tell she’s meowing.
My all-black cat is definitely a Siamese wannabe. His usual babysitters when I’m out of town insist there’s some Siamese in his background. I have no clue, he was rescued from a bag on the side of the road, but he definitely has the talking gene…2:30 am arias and all. At least he has a rather pleasant voice.
As for the deafness theory…Severus is 4 and nowhere near deaf.
Bridgete, my deafie was nearly all black (v. small white streak on throat, a few other dots, and random hairs). I wonder if that has some kind of connection, too. My current one looks very much like him (not intentionally, he just had the best personality) and while he doesn’t really sing, he will talk at you. A lot. He does do something that I call “Narnia check” where he will investigate inside of the closets, and in the biggest one will make tiny baby meows, like he’s lost. I think it’s like a kid freaking themselves out on purpose. Eventually he runs out like he’s escaping from something, probably his imagination.
Drama queen.
Screamer shakes her head at the mind-picture of sarajean reading the cats lips!
Hey Lola,
Huh, maybe the all-black thing does have something to do with it. My family’s cat when I was growing up was very vocal, he was a tuxedo. A friend of mine also has a tuxedo. Neither one is quite as vocal as my Severus, though…maybe those little spots of white counteract it. 😉
The only other all-black cat I ever knew was my Aunt’s cat, Flash…so named because he was very skittish. I never heard him meow…but that doesn’t mean he didn’t, he was just very uncomfortable around unfamiliar people.
I just had to come out of lurkdom to say that my cat, Sam, is 21 and deaf, and she sings her tiny orange head off at 3 am. Misty is gorgeous, develish1.
*slips back on cloak of lurker invisibility*
welcome out of the shadows Lara,
the pic I use for my avatar is about 2 or 3 years old, and she’s a little thinner now, but still very cute.
Oh and just call me Dev, everyone else does.
I thought I had the only cat who does the “Narnia” thing! I have several cats and my mother gets quite concerned when she hears one particular cat making those pitiful “lost” noises. I’ll often get called upon to go “save” the cat from wherever it is. I’ll never actually FIND the cat, though, just turn around and there she is; sitting there as if nothing happened. Crazy cat.
We currently room with an Abyssinian/Mau mix…and he’s frighteningly intelligent….and chatty…when he gets in trouble, he backtalks, when he wants to go to bed, he talks…apparently thinking we can’t manage to go to bed (or the bathroom, now that I think of it) without his assistance.
He is fond of brushes – hairbrushes, blush brushes, you name it. He’ll steal them, and then stash them under this one chair in the living room. I lifted it up once to find 5 brushes under there.
He loves clothes, particularly soft sweaters, and will drag them out of the drawer – left a tiny bit open by mistake – put his head inside and then push the clothing article across the floor until he’s wearing it. He will then proceed to prance about the house, looking very pleased with himself.
One day the cat and I were home alone. I was sick in bed, when I heard what sounded like the front door knob being turned. Frightened, I jumped up out of the bed and walked into the living room only to be met by the sight of my cat hanging from the knob trying to open the door.
He’s not a cat, he’s an alien in a fur suit, and if he ever grows opposable thumbs I’m in trouble.
In addition to the songs, our Siamese also engages in what we’ve come to call “closet inspections”. As we’re preparing to go to bed, she has to go into the closet, yowl a bit, and then come back out; apparently then it’s safe.
Why is this in barter? Is Roy hoping to trade his cat for a few more words, maybe a paragraph or two?
Maybe the cat wants to trade Roy for something.
Some premium ‘nip, I bet. Maybe a mouse or two for when the munchies hit.
Just gave my twisted brain a whole-new take on “thai stik”
But I just cleaned the litterbox, too . . .
It’s a dare.
Barter by extortion.
Ray: I have a shook-up chocolate soda
Ree: I have stinky socks in my shoes
Roy: I have a Siamese
So, next should be:
Ren: I have a hedgehog
Ron: I have a lettuce
Shouldn’t that be a cabbage?
¿Un Webb’s Wonder chou peut-être?
cabbage works,
actually the only reason I went with lettuce is because I was eating a sammich at the time.
Ray: I have a cucumber.
Rex: I have a mug.
I have a pug.
Maybe this kid posted the ad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y.
I have a comment.
Give me a call. kelli xxx-xxxx
I have a siamese twin…
What are you doing, Ray?
Nothing, Jay.
Is that a craigslist ad?
No. Um, maybe…
Are you trying to barter me, Ray?
No, I’m just looking for someone to talk to besides you, Jay…
You know I’ll hear whatever you talk about.
I know.
Besides, no one says Siamese Twins any more. We’re conjoined…
Whatever, jay…
You better change that title or I’ll be pissed, Ray.
I have a siamese cat…
I read this as a desperate plea for help. Unfortunately for Roy, kitty walked in just as he finished the first sentence. Roy quickly added his name and number, hoping that kitty’s lack of manual dexterity with the keyboard would keep her from flagging the ad.
Alas, too late! For when the first curiosity seeker called, all they heard was a strangled yelp and what appeared to be a Siamese cat singing a suspiciously cheerful requiem.
drmk & Dan: I am shocked that you haven’t taught your cats the Duetto buffo di due gatti! I’ve tried to get my ragdoll to sing it with me a few times, but he’s not much of a singer.
On the other hand, it amuses my daughter when I sing with my “opera singer voice”. Her most-requested piece is Marilyn Horne’s version of “C is for Cookie” from Sesame Street.
I’m familiar with the piece, but kitty doesn’t take direction well.
I heard this beautifully performed at a high school music competition once… by two men. In tuxedos. And cat ears and tails.
now that’s just freaky.
That sounds awesome. I know some guys who would have done that, but they’re probably not the same ones you saw.
It was amazingly awesome. There’s (rather low quality) video of them singing it on youtube, actually. It always amused me, because as a female tenor, I can’t comfortably hit most of the notes they were singing…
Who let Ralph Wiggum on the internet?
Me fail English? That’s un-possible!
My cat’s breath smells like cat food.
It’s no good, there is absolutely nothing I can come up with to say today that’s anywhere near as good as Dan’s comments.
Once I’m done cleaning the sprayed crumbs out of my keyboard though, I’ll give it a try. Will I even learn? No eating or drinking while at YSaC!
/corey
page 61 of July 5, 1993 issue of The New Yorker, (Vol.69 (LXIX) no. 20)
“On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog”
corey/
So, obviously, the poster is apologizing for all of the math errors, creative spelling, horrid punctuation, and mad take-over-the-world-schemes that have been posted using their Craig’s List Account.
See. He has a Siamese Cat; ’nuff said.
Oh god… The post title reminds me of a story I wrote in high school, in which one of the English teachers was put under a spell that forced her to sing the Meow Mix jingle while dancing the Charleston.
As for kitties that use the telephone, I had a Russian Blue lookalike that used to knock the phone off the hook and paw at the number pad until somebody answered, then meow at them. We got some nasty phone bills before we started keeping the phone in the drawer…well, until he opened the drawer, that is…
Dinner cooked by Mike, eaten by all, washing up done? Check.
Cats fed, box scooped, tucked in for the night? Check.
Birds having a fly about in the living room? Check.
Okay, time for YSaC bidniss. Here’s your punch, Isaac. I’ll be as gentle as I can. Or do I mean Gentile? Whatever! Punchity Punch!
Happy Birthday Dev! Break out the champagne and cake!
Thanks windrose, bit late for cake for me now though. Or should that be bit early since it’s actually Tuesday here now?
I knew there’d be a punch in here for me somewhere, if I read all the way to the bottom of the thread.
Thanks, Windrose. I’m not sure I deserved this one either, but I seem to be up to like … hm … how many deciTacos is a Swiss walrus wrap?
You guys, I want to switch back to the cat abacus. This catulator is too silly for the important stuff.
Or, you know, if you think you’re abstract enough for it, you could get a good old chalkboard and cat’s claw, and work it out in your head.
I have two siamese cats. Mimzy McMegaClaws and Charles Windsor. They like to sing to eachother… kind of like small children having a screaming contest. They also have a special aversion to closed doors of any kind, but they particularly despise the bathroom door being shut. We used to have the kind of door handles that you just push down to open… but had to have them all replaced when the cats figured out how to open them. Naturally, they learned this fancy trick when we had guests over and my friends mother was using the restroom off the living room… Mimzy and Charles must have decided that since their litter box does not have adsolute privacy, then the humans don’t get any privacy either.
I would sell them, but I doubt there is anyone out there stupid enough to put up with midnight screaming and bathroom door howling. Despite being spring-loaded and getting a sick pleasure from knocking breakable items of shelves, I do love them… I suppose. 😉
we have different office chairs in the office and i love to use those office chairs with clothe cover `*~