YSaC, Vol. 630: Dance, 10. Acting, 3.

2010 April 8

NEED CAST AND CREW FOR FILM


WE HAVE A SCRIP
NOW WE NEED THE CAST CREW
THE EQUIPMENTS
AND PASSION BEHIND THIS PROJECT
THIS FILM WILL GO TO THE SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL
NO BUDGET SHORT FILM WILL MAKE
LETS MAKE THIS FILM TOGETHER
PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR FILM
NOT TOO GOTH
CLASSY HORROR FILM WITH HEART FELT CONSEQUIENCES
A GIRL MADE AN EVIL MAN VERY ANGRY AND HE IS LOOKING FOR HER
SHE IS FREAKED OUT ALL THE TIME
LETS DO THIS FILM SO WE CAN ENTER THE FESTIVAL
CONTACT ME
xxxxxxxxxxx@YAHOO.COM
xxx-xxx-xxxx

Boy, I can’t wait to be part of a scrip with no cast, crew, or equipment — or budget! — but that will end up at Sundance. At least they have the passion … oh, whoops, nope. They need the passion too.

But you know what? I have a sneaking suspicion I’ve seen this movie before. Or at least its trailer. I present to you one of the leading candidates for the the world’s worst movie — C Me Dance. It’s the uplifting story of a Christian girl who “just wants to dance” who finds out she has a disease. Oh, and she has to fight the devil. She’s obviously so freaked out all the time that she (and everyone else in the movie) has completely forgotten how to act:

Too bad; now this person’s movie will just seem hackneyed and derivative in comparison.

Thanks, Lynne!

176 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 April 8
    sarajean80 permalink

    I hope they’re better at writing a scrip-less script than they are at poetry, becaused that sucked cold beans.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 8
      tacomagic permalink

      You know SJ, I just re-read it and I think I saw between the lines. This is obviously a scrip written by somebody who wants to star in their own movie. I’d bet we’re talking a full-on Mary Sue heroine here.

      Why would I think that? It’s not like anything like that has been done before, right?

      Right?

      *Hangs head in sadness*

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        sarajean80 permalink

        Ugh. There is such a thing as having too much money if you can afford that sort of vanity project. Please tell me you weren’t forced to endure that piece of dreck?

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          Not only was I forced to endure it, but I did it to myself.

          I have an unnatural and unhealthy desire to watch horrible movies. This one was almost more than I could take though. A bit later the MST3K crew did their magic with the movie and now it is far less painful of a watch.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 8
        eeee permalink

        I want to thank (??) you for that link. Through a convoluted chain of clicking, it took me to the IMDB page for “Manos: The Hands of Fate,” which is apparently one of the absolutely worst movies of all time, EVAH, and – guess what – was filmed in my hometown by a man whose son I think I used to work with. (Oh, the possibilities! I may swoon.)

        A post early on in the discussion board (look for titled “… back in 1966…”) leads to a link with a local review which had me laughing like a loon: “The story concerns a luckless young man with his underwear so bunched up he can hardly get around, and no time to straighten it out because he is beset by Fate…”

        Let’s hope our “not-too-Goth Classy horror” friend reads the blurbs and reviews of “Manos,” learns from those mistakes, and mends his/her ways before it’s too late.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          eeee permalink

          Oh God, I MUST find and see this:
          “Trivia: Filmed entirely with a handheld camera that could only record thirty-two seconds of film at a time. The film was shot without sound; all the lines were later dubbed by only three people – two men and one woman. The little girl who plays Debbie cried when she first heard her dubbed voice.”

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          I have a copy of it, both the original uncut movie and the MST3K version. It is one of my all time favorite bad movies. I’m planning on being Torgo for our next Halloween party, I finally found a cane* worthy of Torgo.

          *Tree Branch.

          Adores: 2
  2. 2010 April 8
    mudslicker permalink

    Let me guess. Name of the film:

    C Me Dance II

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      A. Lion permalink

      C Me Dance II: Only-Slightly-Goth Boogaloo

      Adores: 13
    • 2010 April 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      possible tagline – “It’s like pron, but without the sex.”

      Adores: 16
      • 2010 April 8
        D / DM permalink

        “It’s like Footloose, but without Kevin Bacon… and THE DEVIL is still REALLY TICKED OFF.”

        Adores: 11
    • 2010 April 9
      CapnMac permalink

      C M Dux divil danz, more like

      Adores: 0
  3. 2010 April 8
    A. Lion permalink

    Classy AND heart felt? This HAS to be good. Count me in!

    I volunteer for the plucky comic relief guy. No pay will require.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 8
      mudslicker permalink

      He’s usually the first one to die you know. Unless there’s a black guy in the cast.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 April 8
        A. Lion permalink

        Good point. I’ll have to up my demands.

        I’ll be needing a matching uniform or onesie or whatever.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 8
        sarajean80 permalink

        Just make sure it’s not a red shirt. Those things are death magnets.

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 April 8
          mudslicker permalink

          Unless your name is Matthew Lillard. Then you seem to get a pass.

          Although I don’t remember seeing him on any episodes of Star Trek so I may be misspeaking.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      I found the heart felt!

      Still looking for the passion, though. That may require a trip to the liquor store.

      Adores: 10
      • 2010 April 8
        A. Lion permalink

        Awesome – That’ll go well with my pancreas felt.

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 April 8
        Meredith permalink

        Please don’t mention the liquor store today. I am, for the first time thankfully, still drunk from the night before.

        Waking up with a hangover is bad enough. Being awake for the coming onslaught is another thing entirely. Ugh.

        Adores: 5
      • 2010 April 8
        tacomagic permalink

        Make sure your heart felt doesn’t get Heart Worms.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          I checked with “I’ve Got Worms!” but they ran out in Febuary and haven’t gotten any more in stock.

          (Is it wrong that I think the T4-Bacteriophage is adorable?)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          I gave my sister Syphilis for Christsmas last year. She thought it was pretty cute.

          Next year I think I’m going to give her Herpes.

          (She also got a neuron and martian life… but those aren’t as funny* when phrased as above.)

          (*Creepy.)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Just don’t give her Sperm, that might give people the wrong idea.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Is it wrong that I think the T4-Bacteriophage

          But, you’ll need a splenic felt to circulate the T4Bp . . .

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 9
        jackie31337 permalink

        sarajean: I found the passion, and yes, it was indeed at the liquor store.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 8
      D / DM permalink

      A. Lion,

      Although we apprecate you’re intrest, we regret to infirm you that we think you will make not right this film. All of our rolls require actors who are not A. Lion. We field that casting actors who are A. Lion will not acheve are gold of making to Sundance Flim Festival.

      We hope you understand.

      Sincerely and passionetly,
      The cast and crew.

      Adores: 19
  4. 2010 April 8
    Windrose permalink

    Plucky, heart-felt horror. Somehow, I think they are inadvertantly filming a disaster movie.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 April 8
      LimeLolly permalink

      Maybe the prequel to 2012? I just knew there was a reason the world was coming to an end.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 8
      Meredith permalink

      I just thought they were filming another Nicholas Sparks romance.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 April 8
        D / DM permalink

        I think Miley Cyrus’s acting is all the horror Nicholas Sparks’s stories can handle.

        Adores: 6
  5. 2010 April 8

    Are there tomatoes involved? You know I haven’t been the same since “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” was released.

    There aren’t any tomatoes are there? Well, are there? PROMISE ME!

    I need to go call my therapist, stat.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 April 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      Maybe you just need to relax. Let me make you a Bloody M…err, a Manhattan.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 April 8
      tacomagic permalink

      No, but I’ve heard there might be a giant, sentient venus fly trap…

      *Cowers under the covers*

      Remember, monsters can’t penetrate the sheet.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 April 8
      christina permalink

      No tomatoes, this time it’s bananas with dramatic music ripped off…I mean, inspired by Beethoven:
      BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA!

      Adores: 7
  6. 2010 April 8
    Colleen in MA permalink

    I’m already freaked out a lot of the time, but it’s not because I made an evil man angry.

    Or … wait. Did I???

    Oh. I didn’t think of that!!

    augghhh

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 April 8
      tacomagic permalink

      Well, I’m only partially evil, and I’m more miffed than angry.

      rawr.

      I think I’ll go have a sammich. But I’ll get you… when you’re not so far away, and I have more time, and gas prices aren’t so high, and I remember why I’m miffed.

      But yeah, be frightened and stuff; if you want, cause I’ve got evil stuff to… you know… do.

      Adores: 19
      • 2010 April 8
        sarajean80 permalink

        *(takes notes)*
        “Evil minions are easily distracted by tasty sammiches.
        Next test; shiny things.”

        Adores: 16
        • 2010 April 8

          shiny things ALWAYS work, I thought you’d have known this by now sarajean.

          Speaking of which, hubby bought me a t-shirt last year with the legend;

          “I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly”

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 April 8
          Lola permalink

          Dev, I have a friend for whom I now want to buy that shirt. She collects silver – cutlery, trays, bowls, coffee services, etc. and has compared herself to a crow. It would be perfect for her.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Oooo! I want!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8

          in that case ladies, might I introduce you to MY huge link?

          http://www.smellyourmum.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=908&osCsid=f2219588c740df3527ebb58b7a3eb04e

          and yes I checked, they do ship to the US if you really want one.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          I like your huge link better than Taco’s, Dev!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          Lola permalink

          Awesome massive link. In fact, the whole site looks frankly kind of awesome – good snark on a shirt: how can I resist?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8

          oh they do have some very good snark there, I know because hubby has several of their shirts already and has plans on more of them.

          They have lots of nerdy film related ones too, which are also rather fun, but I should mention though, that some of their more “colourful” slogans could be considered racist, sexist or just plain offensive, you have been warned.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        Colleen in MA permalink

        In the meantime, I know how to make you angry again.

        I’m gonna go work on my resume.

        lalalala

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          I hear gamma radiation does the same thing.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 8
        Meredith permalink

        You wouldn’t like me when I’m perturbed.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          What you’re doing is making me bemused, and when Taco is bemused Mr. Fluffykins becomes perplexed, and when Mr. Fluffykins becomes perplexed people become inconvenienced.

          You wouldn’t want something inconvenient to happen would you? Something like say, you’re internet going down for 15 minutes?

          *Dun Dun DUUUUUUUN*

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          Boy, I’m all over the map today.

          That should have been “your”.

          Isaac Issac Issaac Izzy, I need you to field my posts today, I can’t be trusted with a keyboard.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Can we try for pre-turbed; or will that require a scrip?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          I’m in a post-turbed state myself.

          Turbieness, like all things, shall pass.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 8

          TM, I thought you said “Turdiness, like all things, shall pass.”

          Actually, it still makes sense.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 9
          jackie31337 permalink

          TM: I would watch that movie (the one about a maniacal serial inconveniencer).

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 8
      grampdaddy permalink

      I find it strangely comforting that Dev’s link is more huger than Taco’s – not that size should really matter, but then again…

      TM, perhaps your not.a.huge.link can get you a part in the movie. Since they don’t have a scrip (or a script, or a camera, or a crew, or a anything), you can probably write yourself in pretty easily – just show up and show off your link.

      Maybe this should be not.a.movie.

      Adores: 2
  7. 2010 April 8
    tacomagic permalink

    Coming this summer to theaters, winner of the sundance festival’s coveted nice effort consolation prize…

    Teen life was never easy for an invisible girl. Her invisible friends don’t understand her, her invisible teachers don’t think much of her, and her invisible parents don’t respect her. But now, with an invisible psychiatrist stalker watching her every move, life is going to get more difficult than ever:

    “Oh honey, I don’t see anyone at the window, I think it’s just your imagination.”

    “Mom, that doesn’t mean anything! We’re all freaking invisible!”

    ***

    “Hello?”

    “Look out the back door, do you see anything you recognize?”

    “No… I don’t see anything?”

    “Exactly!” *Click*

    “Noooooooooooooo!”

    Nothing will never be more frigtening than “Invisible stalker passion.” Just because you can’t see the evil, doesn’t it isn’t there; and evil!

    Coming to theaters July 2011.

    Adores: 18
    • 2010 April 8
      Meej permalink

      Oh, that’s one to be sure to go not see!

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 8
        sarajean80 permalink

        If you were watching it, how would you know?

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          The lack of cast, crew, and set would give it away.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Not if they’re all invisible.
          (That means you can’t see them, sort of like this picture I drew of a white Persian cat getting lost in a snowstorm.
          *(sniff)*
          She looks so cold…)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          Well, I’ll draw you a picture of it so you’ll recognize it if you happen to watch it. It looks like the picture below, next to the dots:

          .

          .

          .

          .

          .

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Is it beside the awesome T-Rex flying a spaceship over the Astrodome? ‘Cause that’s all I see.

          Maybe I need to refocus my eyes, I can never seem to get these things.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 8

          *Pulls out Super-Secret-Decoder-Spyglass/Bottle Opener*

          Yep, sarajean, that’s it…oh, and hey I see something else…

          Is that Waldo??

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Quick, let’s steal his Lucky Charms!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Sounds of one hand clapping in applesauce; koan, ebrybody noes that!

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      LimeLolly permalink

      In part two, they come back as invisible ghosts haunting the now pissed off stalker.

      Adores: 1
  8. 2010 April 8
    mudslicker permalink

    Review:

    A conspiracy theorists’ nightmare come to life! Three thumbs down.

    -Roger Ebert
    Chicago Sun Times

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 8
      Heather permalink

      Errr…that third one isn’t a thumb.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 April 8
        mudslicker permalink

        You just can’t see it—purposely—-as a government and religious plot—-the horror of it all. Dick Cheney is the evil man. Miley Cyrus is the tortured girl. Armageddon cannot be far behind.

        *This was supposed to go under Taco’s little screenplay synopsis up there, but somehow it landed in purgatory down here.

        Adores: 1
  9. 2010 April 8

    So, this guy has nothing except a (presumably very badly written) scrip, and all he wants is, well everything else, so he can enter said scrip into the Sundance festival?

    To be honest I think I’d rather help TM to make a film instead, at least his plots have some, well plot for starters, and spelling, and grammar, and punctuation and……..

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 8
      tacomagic permalink

      Indeed, I always; fill mei scrip’s’ with! plenty of those.,;”” things.

      Adores: 2
  10. 2010 April 8
    Lola permalink

    I need a scrip, too, after reading that ad; Demerol for preference, but I’ll take Darvon instead. (Used to have a Darvon scrip … mmmm. I miss Darvon.)

    I’d like to offer this dude some “equipments” – is it me, or is that word usually singular? – I’m not fussy, just as long as it’s Not.A.Computer and Not.A.Camera, because if this person makes films like they write, then you know there’s going to be better drama and acting in any random Youtube clip featuring a cat.

    I grew up “getting” to watch stuff like that clip. Sometimes I’m surprised I’m not atheist as a result. They seem to have better taste (but then so does almost anyone who’s not fundamentalist, so Anglicanism is fine by me).

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      Maybe they are hoping to trade the scrip for cast, crew,”equipments” etc. That would be on par for CraigsList.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 8
        CapnMac permalink

        Well, one presumes they were well into the use of the scrip, first. Even enough to make it the first premise listed.
        Which suggests this exgesis to me:

        WE HAVE A SCRIP
        You have been medicated for some reason.

        NOW WE NEED THE CAST CREW
        Hmm, maybe they want documentarians rather than gaffers, best boys, et al.

        THE EQUIPMENTS
        Could this be a local band for the score?

        AND PASSION BEHIND THIS PROJECT
        Well, that suggests the scrip is for paxil, and the doseage is too high

        THIS FILM WILL GO TO THE SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL
        So will the Park, CO grocery sale circular; this could be the random non sequitur of the over-medicated. My tabel is Real, the squiggly lines are FUN!!!!!!!

        NO BUDGET SHORT FILM WILL MAKE
        Well, that is a QED. Hey, buddy, how much film stock for this caveman chase?

        LETS MAKE THIS FILM TOGETHER
        See, meds have kicked in; we should DOsomething, anything

        PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR FILM
        Well, horror is psychological, so that is a QED; hmm, “Dispassionate Horror for $200, Alex”?

        NOT TOO GOTH
        Many things are; but, I suspect hubris is what will GOeTH before this fall.

        CLASSY HORROR FILM WITH HEART FELT CONSEQUIENCES
        Exactly, gauche horror is so passe. Scrip is really kicking in, needing those quinces for a pi, perhaps?

        A GIRL MADE AN EVIL MAN VERY ANGRY AND HE IS LOOKING FOR HER
        Now, this could be interesting. Golem wrought irate might seek out the authoress of such poisoned penning.

        SHE IS FREAKED OUT ALL THE TIME
        Well, yeah, you need to cut back on the meds, dude.

        LETS DO THIS FILM SO WE CAN ENTER THE FESTIVAL
        Not merely inter-dimensionality, but alternate causality, too

        CONTACT ME
        See, it’s a plea; sky over there is not pretty, and the natives unpleasant (Lectroids are like that, just ask Bucaroo Banzai).

        Adores: 4
  11. 2010 April 8
    Snicker permalink

    Seems to me someone is celebrating 4/20 a bit early.

    “Hey, hey, you guys listen, HEY LISTEN.
    WE SHOULD MAKE A MOVIE. There’s this woman, who has angered a VERY BAD MAN. And shes like, totally freaking out! Don’t worry though its not TOO goth or anything like that.
    There’s totally more, i wrote it ALL down on the back of this Denny’s menu. This is SUNDANCE material, you guys. All we need is all the movie stuff!”

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 April 8
      D / DM permalink

      *giggles*

      Dude… dude…

      *giggles*

      …you wrote a MOVIE?

      *giggles*

      ………..that is AWEsome.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 April 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      You know what?

      Hey.

      Hey.

      Hey.

      (long pause)

      Hey. You know what? You should totally put an ad on you computer. Then, like, someone would read it and, like, call you and give you that movie stuff.

      (long pause)

      You know? Just, like, write it on there and they’ll give you stuff, man. Kinds of shit.

      (long pause)

      Right? You can use that thing with the things.(points vaguely at trashcan) The button things, with all the, like, letters? That thing? And the numbers? Hey, man.

      (longer pause)

      You got any Cheetos left? (begins giggling uncontrollably)

      Cheetos.Cheese-toes. They’re cheesy toes, man!

      (much longer pause)

      I taste batteries. You taste batteries, man?

      Adores: 19
      • 2010 April 8

        OMG!! I can see the basement room, black paint on the walls, blacklight, Iron Butterfly posters, and me…giggling uncontrollably at everyone else’s freakishly-white teeth.

        *wipes tears from eyes after laughing*

        Yep, good times….

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Ahh, memories. How I wish I had some.

          Look, a Lava Lamp!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 April 9
          jackie31337 permalink

          With a slight re-write, that would make for a decent haiku:
          Ahh, the memories.
          Oh, how I wish I had some.
          Look, a Lava Lamp!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 April 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think that’s my first accidential haiku. Cool.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 8
      CapnMac permalink

      Dang it, I hate it when I have modem connection woes; y’all have beaten me well to the punch.

      I shall back to perusing Walpolian.

      Adores: 1
  12. 2010 April 8
    sarajean80 permalink

    I’m getting an ad for “Full Sail University”‘s “FILM degree program”. Oh, how I wish I could forward it to this asshat.

    Adores: 0
  13. 2010 April 8
    Hartster permalink

    They have scrip? That means either the audience (and the cast) will need some serious drugs to watch this film, or the cast will be paid in Depression-era dollar equivalents.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 8
      CapnMac permalink

      [corey]Back when military pay was in cash, scrip was often used in foreign ports. There was a concern that US military personnel paid either in cash or specie or both could devalue the local currencies. Cynical types might contend that such practices were a handy way to keep some parties rich in currency exchange tares; but, that is a cynical sort of world view. And just the sort of reason disbursing officers were issued sidearms

      There was a cool bit of furniture called a disbo (from DISBursing Officer) which had folding legs and a drawer that slid open from both front and back.
      [/corey]

      Adores: 0
  14. 2010 April 8
    Hartster permalink

    This reminds me of the time someone approached me, needing help in writing a Star Trek: Deep Space Nine script in which Quark, depressed because he wasn’t making any latinum, organized a talent show on the station. I think it would have featured Major Kira and Jadzia Dax singing the B-52s “Love Shack.” I advised the person that they should get one of them software packages which would automatically format the script.

    But to think, I coulda been at Sundance. I coulda beena contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a YSaC poster….

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 April 8
      Heather permalink

      YOU TURNED THIS DOWN???!!!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 8
        Hartster permalink

        You know, it’s not too late to steal, ah, use that idea. I’ll just put a post on CL (points if you get the FoxTrot comic strip reference):

        NEED EVERYTHING FOR FILM

        ———————————————————————–
        I HAVE AN IDEA
        NOW WE NEED THE SCRIPT CAST CREW EQUIPMENT AND PASSION BEHIND THIS PROJECT, AS WELL AS THE BUDGET
        THIS FILM WILL GO TO THE SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL
        LETS MAKE THIS FILM TOGETHER
        PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR FILM
        NOT TOO GOTH
        CLASSY HORROR FILM WITH HEARTFELT CONSEQUENCES
        ON DEEP SPACE 9 A GIRL WHO WOULD BE IN QUARK’S TALENT SHOW SINGING ’80s MUSIC DESPITE THIS BEING THE 24th CENTURY MAKES AN EVIL MAN VERY ANGRY WITH HER POST ON CRAIGSLIST AND HE IS LOOKING FOR HER BECAUSE SHE IS USING RANDOM PUNCTUATION MARKS, CAT MATH AND MISSPELLINGS
        SHE IS FREAKED OUT ALL THE TIME
        THERE IS ALSO AN APPEARANCE BY MULDER AND SCULLY DRIVING THE CAR FROM KNIGHT RIDER
        LETS DO THIS FILM SO WE CAN ENTER THE FESTIVAL
        CONTACT ME
        xxxxxxxxxxx@YAHOO.COM
        xxx-xxx-xxxx

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 8
          Lola permalink

          You know, this whole thing made sense until I got to the Mulder and Scully part. Now I don’t think anyone would watch it. Too random.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8

      And the networks wonder why people don’t watch their shows anymore……

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 April 8
      tacomagic permalink

      My sister once wrote a Fanfic script of DS9* where Odo falls madly in love with Jadzia’s twin sister but she’s only interested in Quark. Odo is schooled in the art of wooing by Diana Troy and ends up wooing Jadzia on accident. Worf is pissed and they battle, etc etc.

      She sent it in to the writers and recieved a dead fish head signed by the cast in return. Never were quite sure what that meant.

      *This might not actually be true.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 8
        Hartster permalink

        Is Diana Troy any relation to either Princess Diana of Wonder Woman or Helen of Troy? 😉

        And why would Worf battle? He was dating Troi and married to Jadzia. So he could have a Klingon – dare I say it – menage’ a troi. Now there’s something I would pay good money to see.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          Crap. Let’s all pretend I spelled that correctly.

          Damn English names and their pseudo-homophonics.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        Hartster permalink

        Hey, at least it wasn’t _Doctor_ Spock. And to quote Letters to Star Trek: “Is Lieutenant O’Hura Irish?”

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 8

        “recieved a dead fish head signed by the cast in return”

        Would’ve expected that from the cast of Babylon 5*

        mmmm, fish head sammiches

        *Oh, i see Mumy did appear in an episode of DS9 though

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 8
        CapnMac permalink

        Yeah, and Mariana Sirtis’ character is Diana Troi, not a famous fallen Aegean city

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          Hartster permalink

          Gentle Geek correction: It’s Marina Sirtis as Deanna Troi. Mariana Sirtis sounds like a new Italian spaghetti sauce (“gravy”.) 😉

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          Man, everyone’s fumbling all over the Star Wars names today.

          *Flees in terror*

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 April 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Eeek, posts late and letters short, woe, alas, and alack.

          Adores: 0
  15. 2010 April 8
    Heather permalink

    “Not too goth”-well, thank goodness. How ’bout some Juggalos then? Wait, then it would be a comedy.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 8

      I was wondering about that too, how can something be “not too goth” surely you’re goth or you’re not?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        sarajean80 permalink

        You’d be emo, the goths would beat you up and then you’d be all sad about it.

        Adores: 11
      • 2010 April 8
        christina permalink

        I dunno Dev, I could be considered “not too goth.” I spent most of my teens and twenties as a goth, but discovered colors when I neared thirty. I’m still pale and somewhat morbid, does that count?

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 8

          I suppose so, as long as the colours are not too eye watering.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Just don’t forget to wear plenty of sunscreen.
          Glaringly bright pink is decidedly “not goth”.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Oh, something morbid! I came home from work yesterday and went into the kitchen and there was a vial of blood sitting in a juice glass on the kitchen counter. With my mom’s name on it. I asked her about it (I believe my exact words were “What the hell is this?”) and it seems they drew samples of their own blood to practice using the centerfuge and she decided to keep hers. It was still there when I got home tonight, right next to the macaroni we had for dinner. I was going to mention it earlier but I forgot about it until I got home.

          (I feel I should mention she’s in school to become a nursing assistant and is not some undead creature of the night. Please do not hunt down and stake my mom.Thank you.)

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 April 8
          Lola permalink

          Sarajean, my mother was a hospital lab tech for years. I used to go see her all of the time when she was at work and there was blood, urine, and occasionally body bits about, but in containters, not strewn or anything. On a couple of occasions when I was sick she would draw my blood and it was not at all scary (and she was good – I’ve since encountered people with lesser phlebotomy skills). I can easily imagine the centrifuge you mention. In any case, being around that environment, it seems like you can get a bit blase about that sort of thing. I love this story! Including the undead reference – lab techs have been making vamp jokes ever since Lugosi, I think.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 8
        CapnMac permalink

        Dunno, if one was avid in Caledonian Games would that be invisigoth or infitesmallygoth?

        And don’t call me Shirley.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          Dr Rumack permalink

          Dammit. Missed my cue again.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          Hi Shirley!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 8
          Steve-O permalink

          Phlebotomy use FTW!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Being a good phebotomist being such an un-ottom thing to hear lauded.
          Probably better to be a bicycle repairman or unbubler-maker.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          Lola permalink

          Suffer at the hands of a poor phlebotomist and you’ll laud a good one, as soon as you’re able to raise your bruised (from the blown-out veins) arm again …

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          Steve-O permalink

          Guilty as charged. I have tortured a few poor people, but I feel bad every time.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 9
          CapnMac permalink

          I count myself a decent needle-driver, better than some left unsupervised with syringe and trocar. Never skilled enough to dare so lofty an appellation as phlebotomist, though.
          Have railed at a few proud of title and poverished of skills a time or two.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          Mom’s doing pretty good, she practices on green beans and hot dogs so she doesn’t go too deep, but she’s come home with some dandy bruises from class when they have to practice on each other. (Not all of the girls practice at home as much as she does.) I’d let her draw mine.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      Meredith permalink

      Speaking of Juggalos AND humor:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQYhr6Zt6mw

      Adores: 2
  16. 2010 April 8
    sarajean80 permalink

    This is off topic, but I had to share the awesome.

    8 bit Dr. Horrible

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 8
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Ahahahaha! That’s hilarious! *loves it*

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      Heather permalink

      HA! I saw that on urlesque yesterday and enjoyed it thoroughly.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      Mimi permalink

      That was AWESOME sarajean! Thanks for the link. But now I have to re-watch all the Dr. Horrible shows. 😉

      Adores: 0
  17. 2010 April 8
    Meredith permalink

    I have seen the majority of these “Christian” films over the years, and I can’t believe I missed out on that one. Usually I got stuck in front of one involving a child, their pet, some kind of tragic circumstance, and how it’s all okay in the end.

    I clearly remember one my mom thought would be a good idea as a “family” movie. In one of the final scenes, the main character (a boy around 10 or so) is playing in his house, takes a sharp turn in the kitchen, and goes through the glass sliding door. SUCH a wonderful movie for a ten year old girl. And of course the acting in these is fabulous.

    I started a lifelong habit of asking my mom, “Does anyone die?” whenever she would/does suggest a movie.

    Adores: 3
  18. 2010 April 8

    Oh, hello George Clooney! How nice to see you in my ads. *clickety* *slurp*

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 8
      Dan permalink

      You do know I read this blog too, right?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 8

        You’d be doing the same thing if it was showing Scarlett Johansson.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 8

          Oh, Suhhh-Napp!

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 8
      Lola permalink

      That must be a benefit accorded only to llama-nuns … I’m getting Edward-Pattinson-Twilight-Don’tYouOwnAComb-numpty. 🙁

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        EclecticBlue permalink

        I’ve got pictures of sushi in Salt Lake City. Though, to be fair, SLC is the closest big city to me :-p

        …oooh, and then the refresh gets me George Clooney

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          …oooh, and then the refresh gets me George Clooney

          If only.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Netflix, then fullsail, NYC film school, and Movietone–not one ad for anti-depressants or the like; cool.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8

        Pattinson here too, yuck

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          tacomagic permalink

          I’m apparently going addless today.

          My internet feels so naked.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8

          well cover it then, you shameless hussy

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 8

          I’m getting an odd combination of film and flight school…on the same ad…weird…..

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          I had the flying-film school one before lunch, now it’s Nexflix with that chick and the other guy from New Moon; Tailor, Tyler, something like that. The werewolf one, not the glittery one.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        Lola permalink

        Clearly, the ads hate me. Now I’m getting Vince Vaughn (No-Longer-Swingable Size).

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8

      You all HAVE noticed that they’ve stopped serving us the Cougar ads though, right? ‘Cause I pitched a big ol’ fit about that one.

      Now here’s the irony; those ads paid the most. (Sigh.) But I hated them, so they’re gone.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 April 8

        But drmk, just keep telling yourself this, hunky men are better than cougars.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 8

        Well, they’d of been perfect if they had some CatMath thrown in…then, like I don’t think we’d of been quite so creeped out…maybe…

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 8
          SilvaNoir permalink

          If it was for actual cougars -the feline variety- but instead used photos of say… cheetahs … then it would have been perfect.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 8
          MrWhite permalink

          Maybe Jesse James will be up there soon. Then you’ll have your cheetah.

          Adores: 6
  19. 2010 April 8

    Ohohoh I have an audition tape I can use for this film!

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 April 8
      BigUncleJohn permalink

      *Waiting for youtube link to audition tape*

      Adores: 3
  20. 2010 April 8

    Awesome! I’ve been waiting for my chance to see a musical, semi-goth horror film with heart featuring a hysterical teenager and a vaguely evil dude who’s mad at her for reasons as yet unspecified!

    Adores: 2
  21. 2010 April 8
    sarajean80 permalink

    Heather still has her delicate velvety pile in the Don’t Suck box.

    (EDIT: that looks a lot dirtier than it did in my head…Oh, well. It’s not like it will ever be taken out of context.)

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 8
      tacomagic permalink

      Hehe, you said “Heather still has”.

      *Snicker*

      SJ’s been hanging out with HHNF too long.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 8
      Heather permalink

      My velvety pile is gone!! Comgwadulations to Ham Can.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 8
        Windrose permalink

        Your day of glory is over, Heather, but I have faith that you will soon return. 8)

        HamCam, if you please, present your card in the office for a punch.

        Adores: 0
  22. 2010 April 8
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    *RING RING*

    Hello, Robert Redford here, answering my own listed phone…

    Hello, Mr. Redford, my name is Sparky and I have a film for Sundance.

    Well, Sparky, please submit it to my home address. It’s xxxxxx xxxxxx Street, XXXXXXX, XX XXXXX. I’d love to see it. And please, call me Robby.

    OK, Robby. But here’s the thing: it’s not quite done. I only have a script.

    That’s OK, Sparky, that’s the most important part. And remember, we in the biz call them scrips… It’s how we separate the pro from the amateurs. Do you have a pencil and paper?

    Sure, Robby…

    Write this down. You’ll need the cast crew, the equipments, and passion. Don’t worry about a budget. Can you make it a psychological horror film?

    Sure.

    Not too goth, though…

    Oh, OK…

    Maybe a classy horror film with heart felt consequiences.

    Consequiences?

    You heard me. It means a girl made an evil man very angry and he is looking for her she is freaked out all the time. Google it. C. O. N. S. E. Q. U. I. E. N. C. E. S.

    Consequiences. Got it, Robby.

    All right. Go do it so you can enter the festival, Sparky.

    Yes sir, Mr. Redf… Robby!

    Good job, Sparky!

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 April 8

      “Yes sir, Mr. Redf… Robby!

      Good job, Sparky!”

      And as the phone settles into its cradle, “Robby” walks in…

      “Hey, lawn boy! WTF are you doing on my phone…again?”

      “Nothing, Mr. Redford, nothing at all…”

      Adores: 13
  23. 2010 April 8
    LimeLolly permalink

    Does the video on a cell phone count as equipment? I think it has enough memory to fit all that passion into it. The freaked and evilness might have to be on different equipment though, as I can only do 60 second video.

    Adores: 4
  24. 2010 April 8

    I’m heading off for the night now to go lounge in front of the TV with a take-away and bottle of wine, have fun all.

    Adores: 0
  25. 2010 April 8
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I was going to say it was hilarious how I was getting Twilight ads, and this pretty much sums up Twilight:
    PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR FILM
    NOT TOO GOTH
    CLASSY HORROR FILM WITH HEART FELT CONSEQUIENCES
    A GIRL MADE AN EVIL MAN VERY ANGRY AND HE IS LOOKING FOR HER
    SHE IS FREAKED OUT ALL THE TIME

    …but I was beaten to it. Oh well, saying it anyway.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 April 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      Actually…
      (quickly reads posts)
      Yeah, you’re the first to see that. And you’re totally right.
      Neat.

      Adores: 3
  26. 2010 April 8
    LimeLolly permalink

    /corey

    Deanna Troi

    /corey

    * wrong location — headdesk

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      tacomagic permalink

      [corey]
      Hartster already beat you to this correction of my name salad. But I’m glad to know we have some trekkers on here.
      [/corey]

      EDIT: I was gonna point out that this was in the wrong place, but you beat me to it :).

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        Hartster permalink

        I’m even more of a geek by preferring “trekfan” over trekker v. trekkie. Just sidesteps the whole debate.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 8
          CapnMac permalink

          And, one also as to be careful lest we be understood to be “tek fans” which has several other connotations.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        LimeLolly permalink

        Actually, I have been practicing to learn to be more laid-back about stuff (it doesn’t matter if people can still understand the meaning). The grammarian in my head has learned to shut up and take another shot of whiskey. I missed the geeky nerd, though. Which is why I fumbled on the reply. Sigh. Still have 40 other voices to fix too.

        Adores: 0
  27. 2010 April 8
    Astrognash permalink

    I’d say neat too, but I make a point of avoiding T******t at all costs, because I need my eyes and ears for Marching Band. On the bright side, I’m getting an ad for a coupon advertising Sushi in Raleigh for 90% off. The best part? The coupon is a Groupon! So I either only can order sushi made with Grouper, or I can only go with my family!

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      I’m getting that sometimes,too. It looks like they rolled them in sesame seeds.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 8
        Lola permalink

        I was looking at the ones shown here (probably the same) and trying to figure out if it was black roe or poppyseeds.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8

      I first read that as Gropeon (as in Grope-on) at which point the thought “Oh my god, it’s worse than the cougar ads!” flashed through my mind.

      Then I realized it’s Groupon…

      And I love sushi…

      And it’s only Thursday…

      And I need either new cheater glasses or a less dirty brain…

      *sigh*

      P.S. Thanks, drmk, for ridding us of the cougars 🙂

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 8
        Astrognash permalink

        No, silly, they weren’t cougars, they were Not.A.(Mountain)Lion.s

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 9
        Mimi permalink

        Grope-On: Apply directly to your… (nevermind)

        Adores: 4
  28. 2010 April 8
    Astrognash permalink

    Click For Art

    SilvaNoir’s recent CatMath piece has inspired me. I realize my art looks like cave paintings next to what she does (Granted, I spent five minutes, max, on this sketch), but I thought I should contribute to the recent posts in some way…

    Bonus pints (no, that’s not a speeling prolbum) to anyone who can find all the references to stuff I put in there.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 8
      Lola permalink

      I can’t begin to get them all, but I enjoyed that, Astro … thank you.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 8
      Supreme Ruler permalink

      Love the cheesy pup tent.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 9
      CapnMac permalink

      “Pints” you say? My beer is full of friege, enou, I believe (ever so nice a quantum of 3/4 pints of Shiner Black) to not dance about the legalities suggested even if ever so slightly.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 9

      Astro – that li’l worm toasting a marshmallow is sooooo cute!!

      Adores: 0
  29. 2010 April 8
    Steve-O permalink

    Well, after my excursion from Idaho to Alabama over the last two weeks I have determined two things. Cat-math is rapidly becoming a standard, and no one knows how to use apostrophes. We are doomed. It is good to be home to quality snark.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 April 8
      Lola permalink

      Steve, per your apostrophe observation, if you have never read Eats Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss, you may be interested in it.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 9

      Steve – welcome back!! I feel your pain, buddy. Parents live in Alabama…a very small town, and OMG…every time we go there I swear it’s in the Wayback Machine…positively weird.

      On the plus side, it’s beautiful country.

      Ooooh…look, I used apostrophes..and not gratuitously. 🙂

      Adores: 0
  30. 2010 April 9
    Windrose permalink

    It seems to be almost guaranteed that if someone is in the Don’t Suck box, they have a 75% chance of not coming in to comment on that day.

    Adores: 1
  31. 2010 April 15

    after reading this post, i added C Me Dance onto my netflix instant watch. i’m watching it RIGHT NOW. it is a must-see. oh yes.

    Adores: 0

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