YSaC, Vol. 636: In heaven, there are no hats.
beer boxes
500 or so cases, make great cowboy hats, ir whatever.need space in storage unit,
I wonder how much of that beer you need to have consumed before writing the post in order for the single most intuitive use for a beer case to be a COWBOY HAT? Seriously. I’ve worn some odd things as a hat in my life, including, but not limited to, our cat. But I’ve never looked at a case of beer and thought “Huh. The single best use to which I could possibly put this is to wear it on my head as if I were going to go rope cattle.” And that’s why I’m not a cowboy, I guess.
Do you suppose different cowboys wear different brands? American cowboys wearing Coors hats, Mexican Charros wearing snappy Corona hats, Argentine gauchos riding across the pampas wearing Quilmes ten-gallons, and lonely Hungarian cowherds in the puszta wearing, er, some sort of Hungarian beer.
Thanks for the link, sarajean!
You know, a beer box resembles a cowboy hat about as much as a lampshade resembles a hard hat.
To be fair though, both have a cavity into which a head can be inserted… speaking of which I think the original poster needs to re-evaluate into which cavities he habitually sticks his head. Specifically his own cavities.
Trooper: Do you know why I stopped you?
Driver: [wearing beer box cowboy hat] Why no, ossifer. *hiccup*
Cud it be becuz of my spiffy brim?
*hiccup*
Trooper: Step out of the truck, sir and we’ll start by having you remove your hat as well as the matching one off your horse.
Driver: But he’s ‘spose to wear safety gear while opin…opper… while he’s workin’ a motorated veecicle!
Trooper: That may be true, but laminated cardboard does not generally meet DOT regulations for safety equipment. Also, I believe Main Street is designated a no wake zone so he’ll have to park his JetSki elsewhere.
Driver: But iz wetter reziztent! (Falls down)
I’m intrigued…what does this cowboy need storage room for? More beer boxes?
Well, he did just get a whole load of vintage cereals that he has to put somewhere. Not to mention all those Taco Bell sauce packets he just scored.
Right…and the chips, don’t forget that truckload of chips he scored.
From the dumpster behind the convenience store.
“Not to mention all those Taco Bell sauce packets he just scored.”
“Right…and the chips…”
Don’t be daft, people. Those all go in his Taco Box™.
Sometimes when I’m reading our comments, and the steady stream of referential jokes are pouring in one after another, I wonder if we’ve started our own form of YSaC Tourettes syndrome.
I highly doubt it.
For one… HYPNO DOGS!
Yeah, that sounds…
spinach toothpaste catculator
…a bit far-fetched to me.
Spocktastic shenanigans!
I know, I realized I was overeac….MINTY!!!
I agree, I think you’re way off….Not .A.Lion
Aw, I don’t know, I think you might have a…bedazzled deer hoof!
Don’t be silll…
In Soviet Russia, duct tape band name rot iron armwa french prevential cat math don’t suck punchity punch mine hors boiling bleach sorry for not apologizing [female traits] get a room sammich lionel richie dip head sheep camp 40 watt bees be upon you unblubler ROOFER!ROOFER! ROOFER!
a bunch more, too many to list.
/corey
He just borrowed some alpacas, and needs the room for them, I’m sure.
of course, because his yard if already full of mine hors
A better question might be: why does he have 500 beer boxes to begin with?
He was really, really thirsty?
Would a David-Allan-Coe-Cowboy-type ever ask?:
Does this beer box hat make my beer gut look big?
Maybe his drinkin’ problem left today. She packed all her stuff and moved away.
Ir. Whatever.
Please tell us the story about the cat-as-a-hat. Pllleeeease!
I have a story about a cat as a hat. Sorta. We have three cats, one weighing 15 pounds. I know, I’m certain half of the cat owners out there reading this think “15 pounds? That’s nothing! Mine’s 30!” The point of me saying she’s 15 pounds is to give you an idea of her size. Every now and then she decides she wants to share my pillow with me as I’m trying to go to sleep for the night. It would really only work comfortably for both of us if I were using one of those body-size pillows, but I use a normal pillow. If I were to be able to continually pet and scratch her while at the same time falling asleep, we’d both be content sharing the pillow; as it is, she curls up on every inch except for where my head is and purrs for a few minutes, and then leaves.
Simon does that sometimes. He will also knead the back of my head while he’s getting settled in and sometimes lick my ear.
That’s nice, but what does the CAT do?
Simon is my cat. Or one of them, anyway. I can see how that would be confusing.
My cat has a ritual of jumping over my head and off the side of the bed when I roll over to go to sleep. There are many easier paths off the bed, but this is the one he chooses. I think he’s protesting the fact that I’m ignoring him to sleep.
I’ve had cat-as-a-coller on occasion, and even cat-as-a-halo whilst sleeping, but never cat-as-a-hat
Yeah, I’m totally intrigued now. “Photos, or it didn’t happen!” 😀 The closest I’ve come is like Yancy – semi-pudge kind of cat deciding that my pillow is The Place to Be on my bed that evening. While my head is attempting to reside on the same pillow.
When my Rani was an inside cat, she loved to sleep next to me with her body under the blankets and her head on the pillow. I swear she was a human not long before becoming a cat. When we lived in an apartment with a balcony, I was afraid to let her go out there. She would fall off the arms of the couch!
http://thebloggess.com/?p=6040
Old hat. Pun intended. 8)
That dead cat will haunt my dreams and all my waking hours now. Thanks, Windrose!
Sorry, Lola. Maybe this will make you feel better:
http://www.the-whiteboard.com/autotwb1206.gif
Me, and everyone! It’s like this site on speed, with just one extended comment.
*snort,giggle*
I was holding it in until “Will it emasculate a wombat?”
*Collapses into fits of laughter*
Wait. We’re supposed to be doing this without speed.
I knew that…
No problem…
*Whistles and walks away slowly. Suspiciously slowly.
I am hearing the caller in that comic as a mix of Sherlock Holmes and Eddie Izzard.
This has made my day. Where else am I going to get to read about wombats?
Jane, don’t know if you picked this up, but the strip takes place in Alaska, USA. I don’t think wombats roam in herds up there. 8) That makes it funnier to me. Glad you liked it.
You mean there are not vast herds of marsupials roaming free on the tundra?
I’m kind of disappointed now.
Nah, just lemmings, Sarajean. And I hear that they’re not only not.a.marsupial, but that the legendary lemming mass suicide was faked for a film. So if there is anything stampeding in massive herds, it’s ungulates or similar.
Lola, No! Now the Disney hit men will track you down and torture you with. . . something torturous!
It’s a Small World After All. That is the worse torture ever invented; I’m pretty sure it was banned by the Geneva Convention.
Band Name; Emasculated Wombats.
Scary, I’ve been in Taylor, and I think I recognize the road the T/S is on . . .
I, too, really want to know how the cat was worn as a hat. I’ve worn my cat as a *scarf* before, but never a hat…
I would like to know why he felt he had to rent a storage unit to store these “valuable” boxes and what he’s going to put in it once these treasures are gone.(Empty salsa jars, perhaps? Assless chaps made of carpet remnants?)
He could have just as easily flattened the lot and taken them down to the recycling center, rather than advertising the fact that he personally consumed 12,000 beers. (Assuming they were cases of 24.)
You’re assuming he rented a storage unit solely for the storage of his hats. That’s not likely.
I would guess he has other things in there, too. Like an old newspaper (make an offer!) that doubles as a dog saddle, an extension cord that makes one hell of a noose (for suicidal purposes only) or a lasso, and a few cases of microwaveable XXL burritos (trail food).
Hey, there’s no proof he drank all the beers for those hats. He could have just as easily retreived them from those green hat collection containers everyone puts at the end of their driveway once a week.
I’m not sure where all those hats go, but I’m pretty sure if I walked down my block on Monday night I could probalby score a hundred or so hats (this being Wisconsin).
I think the proof is that he posted this on CraigsList.
sarajean: 12,000 beers! Brings new insight and meaning to the words:
“You are too much for me Guinness, you sonofawhoreson brew! I wish I knew how to quit you …”
Yeah, but I don’t know if Guinness comes in those boxes. It’s usually 4-packs, or wrapped flats of 4-packs.
Work with me here Lola/corey.
I was trying to find a beer name that was close to Ennis, to keep with the Brokeback theme.
Sorry for [not] understanding. 😉 I got it, now.
WooT! Lola did it!
*Swoon*
Pre-caffeine coreys sometimes occur. Sorry for being literal and antihistamine-addled. 8)
Now appearing at the 3.41 Btu/Hour club, 12,000 Beirs! Performing their hit single “12,000 Bottles of ROCK on the Wall”.
12 kilobier?
Heard them called suitcases, but not coffins.
Or, perhaps in the sense of 12 kilopyres?
Now do we use the term “assbeerbox”?
Gives a new meaning to “ten gallon hat,” doesn’t it?
Strictly speaking, each case would only make a 2¼-gallon hat ((12 x 24)/128). /corey
Doesn’t roll off the tongue, though, does it.
Damn. I immediately did the human math to figure out that a case of beer is 2.88 gallons, for the 2.88 Gallon Hat Joke, knowing that one of the quick-witted regulars would have already gotten it.
Kudos to you, MrWhite. Kudos.
I tried Cat Math, but all I got was the usual – tuna sammich
Well, and if we must [Corey] the term comes not from the liquid measure, gallon, but from the spanish term for guilded lace, galon.
Only a serious vaquero would invest in a sombrero con diece galon embroidered upon it.
Maybe this is relevant. He’s not the first person who’s thought of this.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2217958_beer-box-cowboy-hat.html
That’s both awesome, and written by somebody who failed math.
[corey]
Wrap your head in measuring tape to get its circumference and divide that number in half. You’ll use this measurement–your head’s diameter–as your primary tool when constructing the hat.
While this does work (because it’ll produce a hat ~30% larger than your head) the math and terminology is broken. piD people, piD![/corey]
Silly Taco. You can’t make pie out of a cardboard box.
You can take it out of a cardboard box, though.
Yeah, I was a bit confused by d = (1/2)c myself. But still.
Maybe the error (and the author’s enthusiasm) is a result of the mental state one has to be in to think about making a beer box cowboy hat in the first place.
In CatMath, d = (1/2)c = beer box hat. Duh.
Maybe the directions were written by someone whose head isn’t circular in cross-section. His bean might indeed have a “circumference” equal to twice its “diameter.”
(Taco is probably already visualizing it, but I’m pretty sure this would mean that the directions were written by someone with a noggin pancake-flat and paper-thin. Not much room for math skills in the flounder’s skull.)
I, too, floundered in the Sea of Numbers and Math Skills. Good thing I can use a catculator at work.
I’m amused by this sentence: “If you try to pull this off in public and without irony, you are either completely insane or completely awesome.” Yes.
And ashamed that I read the comments and clicked this link: for the lazy or over-inebriated, you can buy your beerhatboxes premade. Original style! Stetsons! Top hats (for your redneck prom/wedding/christening, of course). WTF.
http://www.beerhatbox.com/
*weeps for humanity, then forwards link to friends for snarkfest*
Awww, I was just a second too slow.
Sadly, I have many friends who have worn beer-box hats. This was usually as a result of spending a day at the Gabba in the sun watching cricket (starts at 10am, finishes somewhere around 5pm – and that’s just the first day), drinking many many Fourex Beers and then being in desperate need of shade (and more beer). What else to do but make a head-sized hole in your beer box and go for it. If you have enough mates on the hill, you can get a whole Roman Soldiers-Square Shields-Marching in Formation thing happening.
If they’ve drunk that much, probably anything sounds good, even changing their name to “Frisky McWhiskers.”
Somebody’s been to Wisconsin.
Or a NASCAR race.
$40???? WTF?
Maybe it’s hat cat math.
Cat hat math?
“Paging Dr. Seuss.”
Taco – here’s your intro to the next installment of Dr. Taco-Box Seuss visits YSaC:
It’s cat hat
Hat cat math
Your turn…
p.s. Silva, maybe you could add a hat to one of the cats in your drawing? A box-hat…kitty litter box…listen to me, acting like this is all sooooo easy…
CJ, I accept your challenge!
Cat Math
It’s cat hat,
Hat cat math!
O’ joyous of joys,
O’ wondrous day;
When fish plus cat toys,
Equals two bushels of hay!
But drat cat,
Drat cat’s wrath!
Who cannot add right,
Who never will too,
Creates his own type,
Useful not even for you.
So Cat Math,
Cat Math has!
Now adding away,
Now the happy one,
He now maths all day,
Eating the answers for fun!
Credit to CJ for the first two lines.
(On a side note, keeping that meter in all 3 stanzas was HARD!)
Dr. Taco – That.Was.Awesome.
I agree, TM FTW!
oh dear, I keep slipping into txt-speak today, maybe I need a holiday?
I was lost after wrap your head in measuring tape. And I used to be pretty good at math word problems. I don’t think that means what he thinks it does.
Step Three: Using that diameter, cut an oval–a little more than half as wide as it is long–from the center of one of the three unfolded beer boxes.
Um, what? Did I somehow miss the instructions on finding the diameter of an _oval_ in geometry class? Or maybe he meant I should cut the oval _with the diameter_? Literally or figuratively?
I think I need more steps to explain the steps. And some aspirin. And a strong vodka collins.
Dude, there’s a place that sellsthem!
My favorite there is the Molson hat… unclear on the concept?
I’m gon’ buy me one o’ them and wear it t’ the Shania concert.
The top hats look rather spiffy. I can picture some clueless groom buying one to go with his camouflage tuxedo. (They are also water-resistant, which is what I look for in my cardboard beer-themed headgear.)
Would it not be hilarious if you ordered one and only recieved a few flattened boxes and the link to the website on how to make your own?
Yes… for $22.50 + shipping that would be hilarious!
@sarajean80,
If you’re wearing a camouflage tuxedo to your wedding, I’m not so sure that wearing a beer box top hat with it qualifies as clueless.
If you’re wearing a camouflage tuxedo to your wedding, it must be because nobody told you about the Bacon Tuxedo!
Thank you, Camille. One of my coworkers is engaged to his partner, and he just might wear that. I have forwarded the link. I think it would be really brilliant if both guys wore them, frankly!
If I could have a groom that smelled like bacon, I would totally get married. Alas; I have no man, either bacon or regular scented 🙁 I wonder if it comes in womens’ plus sizes?
Well, Bacontini tink he know somebody who might smell of de bacon.
*Wink Wink*
(Bacontini talking about himself by de way. Sometimes Bacontini is being too subtle and people not understand.)
I do kinda like the way the light gleams off your oil-slicked surface like a rainbow, but I don’t know if I’m ready for a long-term relationship with a pork-infused mixed drink. Although your meat does look very tasty…
Bacontini is also available for a casual fling. Just you, Bacontini, and a bottle of middle shelf vodka.
And den, when things start to get fun, Bacontini show you why he skim de grease off his surface.
Honey, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m not that kind of girl.
It’s top-shelf or nothing, baby.
You would soak de bacon in top shelf?
Nice to see someone filling in so nicely for HHNF sarajean, well done. Where is she anyway?
Hmm, maybe HHNF is fashioning headwear out of her daughter’s juice boxes for their angora bunny?
Sometimes Bacontini is being too subtle and people not understand.
Joins chorus of
“I Am Bacontini!”
Well, and to [corey] a bit more, I’ve met three people who all claim to be either the inventor of the 12-pack beer-carton ‘cowboy hat’ or the first to hang out at concerts selling same.
I’ve generally merely nodded and stuck to imbibing my own cerveca frio.
Off Topic:
Right now, my picture ad is for CouponMom. Because Taco’s Dr. Seuss pastiche is in the box below it, I initially read that name as a sequel to Hop on Pop.
It seems mean to count coup on your on mother, but then I suppose jumping trampoline-style on your father is no worse.
Click on CouponMom to get half off your next Cougar!
I think people, as a rule, don’t want to appear too easy. Or presumptuous. So, it might be too obvious if the lister said something like,
“500 or so beer boxes…would be great for someone moving! You know, to pack your stuff in.”
So get them with the quirky.
“500 or so beer boxes…you know, for dioramas. For the kids.”
Oh, hell. Who am I kidding. People LOVE to appear easy and presumptuous.
In heaven, there are no hats
That’s why we drink our Blatz
And when it’s all gone
The cartons live on
And end up on an ad on y-sac.
Ah, now I need pivo and a tuba player (and a deft polka partner; the better to miss my feet, wrong-placed with gusto)
Roy oh Roy, this ad sure Triggers my thirst. I don’t want to stirrup anything, but having herd this, I feel spurred to drink even more.
Are you a long, tall Texan? You ride for Justice and the Law!
Dunno about Compass, but I’ve jammed a Tac-Team in my ride in exercises.
Just not much like having 6 folk in raid vests and kevlar shoe-horned in to marvel at how they spring out like released elastic
Perhaps the poster saw the movie Airplane, or whatever one it is where one guy goes during an emergency, “What do you make of this?” Response: “Well, I can make a hat….”
… or a brooch … or a pterodactyl!
Shirley not!
It is so, and don’t call me surely.
Make me a bazooka and you got yourself a deal.
They gave Johnny the funniest lines, dammit.
Well, Doc, take this gladiator movie to the Cockpit, Roger? Over? Out!
These would also make a great beer box man, wearing a beer box hat. Effigy burning anyone?
*Zippo*
Bic is cheaper.
But it doesn’t have the same staying power. You have too keep pressing the right buttons or it just fizzles out.
*(EDIT: That’s a bit more suggestive that I usually feel about cigarette lighters.)
But Zippos have that rasp on the flint, and you can hold them a lot longer before your hand gets too hot. (How’s that for a little sinuendo?)
Plus there is the satisfying click when you snap them shut. No, I don’t even smoke, but I’ve always wanted a nice chrome or brass Zippo. I don’t think I’m a pyro either – the occasional pricey candle is about it for me.
I have a couple and they are nice. I could just sit there and flick the lid back and forth, back and forth, listening to that click. Makes me feel like I’m in a movie.
Well, you could go long with a garden lighter.
I just love that innuendo. Well, not personally love… but, it is pretty easy to light up.
Burning Man, FTW!!!
Does just clicking on the ads down there make our web-boss some money??? Or do I actually have to buy or use or date something advertised?
I can click on links with the best of ’em!
Meredith, just clicking generates revenue. I loved it on Worm Quilt day. I could browse bed linens for half the day.
Oh boy! Oh goody gumdrops! clickety click click click!
I feel like I’m…like I’m magic right now! I’m making money show up for drmk!
Have I mentioned how much I love Meredith? 😉
Ahh, you and me both, Windrose. 🙂
I must say, drmk, the ads have become a whole lot more click-worthy and enjoyable. Your “suggestions” to the ad server have proven effective. *doesn’t ever want to meet the llama-nun in a dark alley*
Edit: Should have been ^ there under Windrose.
Thanks to Meredith, I had to go look at the ads to see if i could justify a click, and the only non-picture ad was:
“Poodle Training”
Proven Method Trains Your Poodle to “Behave” in 6 Days Guaranteed!
i LOVE that “behave” is in inverted commas….makes me really want to buy the product.
The one up right now is scarcely better than the meet.a.coug ads: “MeetREALGuys” (yes, total lack of spaces) and “A playground for women!”, with a picture of a guy who looks like he got bodily ejected from the “Jersey Shore” auditions. I don’t want to play anywhere with that guy. I prefer men who use less hair gel than I do and who don’t telegraph “Tool Academy is too good for me.”
odd, as I’ve got Sharpen Your English – The Expert Writing Solution.
Maybe it’s aimed at the CL posters?
Coup On Mom has new episodes every Thursday! LOL
oh, in case anyone is wondering, Jen, who has become quite a regular of late, is having net access issues at the moment but will be visiting when she can
Thanks, Dev! I always wonder where people have gone off to.
You’re welcome windrose,
she popped in at my blog earlier and it seems she’s having some trouble getting online at work lately, as they’ve started limiting access, and she has no access at home right now either, although she’s working on that.
hopefully she’ll be get things sorted soon though, so she can get back to the snarkfest.
Give her my best — we hope she can make it back online soon!
I have an email address for her so I’ll let her know she’s been missed.
I’ve no idea when she’ll be on next for long enough to visit here or my blog, but I’m hoping she can at least access her emails.
Ditto, I can only connect with my tablet PC; both the other desktops give up a 400 Bad Request error either on open YSaC or on attempting to navigate.
Dan/dmrk; current testing still suggests it’s a whitelist/blacklist issue; but (significant-sized but) it may also be either ligitsearch or wordpress cookies, and may be from visiting chezeburger-land–but I’ve no verifiable breadcrumb-ing (egads, the techcreole one uses) to verify this.
Let me know what you find out, please!
Why’s it always gotta be a black and white thing, yo?
Count Down! 16 Days (PST) until Silva Noir’s BIRTHDAY! Hooray! Whoop Whoop!
Will there be cake? I like cake, preferably chocolate.
I’m certain those Hungarians are wearing Dreher, Soproni, Arany Aszok, or Borsodi. Probably Dreher, the most widespread of Hungarian beers. Although the name of Soproni’s bock translates to “Black Demon”, which is suitably badass for wandering about the puszta, cooking gulyas and eating it out of your beer-box hat…
My only thought is the possibility that they were being metaphorical.
Unfortunately, that gets me no closer to an explanation.
Strike that idea.
I’m going now.
The beer box hat exists! I was in line at airport security a couple of months ago and saw a dude wearing one. As the line snaked around I got close enough for a good look. Sure enough, beer box hat. He told me he made it himself. I thought it was pretty impressive, in a dumbshit kind of way. Sadly, I did not get a photo.
I’m caught up in the forums for the Don’t Suck boxes! Hooray, etc. And jackie31337, did I punch you yet? I forget but just in case, here it is. Punchity-punch punch!
Thanks, I don’t think you got me for the latest one yet, but I hadn’t gone back and checked comments on earlier posts to make sure.
Beer boxes.
Hats.
Beer. Box. Hats.
And no one uses the term “ASSHAT” all day?
Really?
Princess Luceval comes closest with her “assbeerbox” comment.
Somehow I missed it until it turned up in the Don’t Suck box. That’s what I get for pointing fingers…
If you’ve ever been to a Saskatchewan Roughriders game (CFL), you’ll see a lot of people wearing Pilsner beer boxes as hats. Also watermelons as hats.
I have the answer!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdv7OnhaSIg
What was the question? Are you a bot? *sniff, sniff*