YSaC, Vol. 652: First we take Manhattan …
This one is for a “vacation rental” apartment:
$65 / 1br – BEAUTIFUL, CLEAN AND GREAT APARTMENT (Gramercy)
Beautiful Studio located in the middle of manhattan. Perfect for 0 people . Great atmosphere surrounded with lounges , restaurants, bars, shopping mall, central park, broadway theaters, times square, etc.. Subway is only few blocks away. Apartment has a king size bed, a sofa bed, bathroom, kitchen, a private patio, internet and cable with a huge plasma HD TV. Apartment is very clean and is on the 4TH floor.
In the middle of Manhattan, you say? Well, that certainly explains the view out of the large picture windows over the bathtub; when I think of the middle of Manhattan, I definitely think of taking a bath in front of floor to ceiling windows with no window coverings, looking out on the … idyllic forest and my neighbor’s roof?
That’s a large apartment for just 0 people. I’d say that at least .4 people could fit in there comfortably.
Does an studio one bedroom for 0 people not do it for you? Wrong part of Manhattan? How about this?
$575 Share Near to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital Avail.Asap
Share Near to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital Avail.Asap $575 Share Near to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital Avail. AsapIn Washington HeightsRight Away Close to Columbia Hospital
$575 In Washington HeightsRight Away Close to Columbia Hospital
Available Right Away Close to Columbia Hospital
Close to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital Avail. Asap
Share Available In Washington Heights
Close to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital Nice/Clean Area
Available long or short term
Looking for someone quite/clean /responsible….
Looking for someone who is quite keeps to themselves..Not a party person…
I’m really nice person but i like quite and privacy…..
If you have a cat it’s ok….No cat right now in home…
Close to #1 & A Trains
Get back to me with a little info about your self How long you will need it for & a # where I can reach you THANKS 🙂
I work a lot and have little time to be around I will be around saturday afternoon to show the place If you need a place right away
and are ready to move in asap …..Do contact me…ThanksHave a Good Day
Wait, I’m confused … where is this? When is it available? How far is it from Columbia Hospital? Can I move in in a month and a half? Ah, never mind; I was hoping to find something near Columbia Hospital.
Thanks, Rachel … and another Rachel! It’s an all-Rachel day here on YSaC! Rachels for everyone!
Maybe it is Manhattan. Manhattan, KS.
Do they have a Broadway, Central Park and Times Square there? I’m sure they have a Subway. Or a Blimpies at the very least.
We have a Manhattan here in Maryland, too. Manhattan Beach. It’s a development which just may have views of woods, neighbor roofs, and the water view that appears to be out one of the windows as well. It isn’t really a beach, or anywhere near a real beach, and it used to be a decidedly unappealing place to move, but even for that, 65$ is a GREAT deal. Oh, wait…it’s for 0 people. I am 1 person, so what’s the point?
I’m pretty sure it’s a scam article. They’re quite common in SF, so I’m assuming this is the same thing. You know its supposed to be NY because they mention gramercy park, one of the richest, most expensive areas (even though, clearly, the windows are not overlooking manhattan in NY).
Of course it’s a scam, it did everything but list (APARTMENTTRAIT2) and(ERROR:JOKE NOT FOUND).
When did Corey change his name to Dave?
Nobody tells me anything.
It’s just so hard to unplug those ‘whistlies and tinglies’ sometimes.
Not. A. Manhattan.
I’ve never been to New York, but I would imagine $65 would get you half of a locker at the bus station. Maybe a shelf in a linen closet in Jersey.The bad part of Jersey.
To be fair, all those things would fit 0 people rather well.
There’s a good part?
I think they call it “Pennsylvania”.
Onward to Pennsylvania!
I stayed in Newark when I was visiting a friend in New York. The good part of what I saw of New Jersey was the PATH station.
The airport is nicer than JFK. (How’s that for a relative statement?)
de Gaulle is even worse than JFK. I spent a year in hell there one day.
I read somewhere that Marilyn Monroe said de Gaulle was actually better than JFK.
De Gaulle of that woman!
Mr. White, Bianchi Sound, any more comments like that, and I’ll have to punch you!
Punch them, or punch them?
There is no bad part of New Jersey*
*This is not necessarily true.
Maybe it’s $65 a night? It is listed in “vacation rentals.” As for the 0 people, I have no reasonable answer.
kelli,
I think you are right about that amount being the nightly rack rate.
[I feel a corey coming on]
Last summer I was helping a friend who was moving in from out of town find a place. I found a lot of these and was mystified as to the low pricing. I know of a few instances (well, one, really) where families on Central Park West have held onto a 20-room duplex in a prewar building for decades because rent control laws decree that they can have it for $678.54 a month until great-grandma finally dies, and first thought these cheap but nice places were room-shares in these. They aren’t. I finally saw an ad that specified the nightly rate, and that made a lot more sense. I guess they think that “vacation rental” should imply that, though clearly I’m not the only one who was initially confused.
[corey state dissipates]
Gramercy Park has foliage, but I’m convinced those pictures were taken somewhere suburban. I have no coreysplanation for those.
Even if it is the nightly rack rate, in a city where a crappy motel room can go for $200 a night, $65 is ridiculous — especially for a 1 bedroom studio with windows on three sides that can fit 0 people and has a tub that looks out over the great forest of Manhattan.
It’s not a forest… it’s the jungle of Manhattan.
It’s a jungle out there
Disorder and confusion everywhere
No one seems to care
Well I do
Hey, who’s in charge here?
It’s a jungle out there
Poison in the very air we breathe
Do you know what’s in the water that you drink?
Well I do, and it’s amazing
People think I’m crazy, ’cause I worry all the time
If you paid attention, you’d be worried too
You better pay attention
Or this world we love so much might just kill you
I could be wrong now, but I don’t think so
It’s a jungle out there
Had to throw that in there…
Maybe time travel should be considered here… I mean, Manhattan USED to have a forest. Maybe this is a 1 bedroom studio for 0 people that can travel through time! And maybe space, too! Bedknobs and Broomsticks style! Which makes $65 a night a heck of a deal.
Your logicks make Sparky’s brain cry, Stoppit!
SOMEbody must be sad that Monk is off the air!
In the jungle the mighty jungle,
The lion sleeps tonight,
In Manhattan, dirty Manhattan,
the lion flees for his life.
Oh Nooooooooo-oo-oo-oo-oot. a.Li-i-ooon…
A Not.A.Lion
Not.A.Lion
Not.A.Lion
Not.A.Lion…
As for what $65 would probably get you, if you don’t have to use the room more than a couple of hours, you *can* get accommodations here. And the desk guy will probably be happy to introduce you to “vendors” and “service providers” also at the hotel, if you tip him nicely and don’t look like a cop. And if you aren’t fussy about the room being clean or even made up.
Or not sticky.
That last nice guy sounds desperate, but not serious. The first one is unreal! Wait, after I move in there will be 0 people? It’s a trap!
I can’t get through the second one. Makes me feel like I’m trapped in a room with a strobe light.
I kind of was feeling this whole post was recorded on vinyl and the Close to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital parts were skips in the record.
Have a Good Day. Have a Good Day. Have a Good Day. Have a Good Day. *can somebody please put a penny on that tone arm?*
I think this is the perfect place for a red table for sale.
I wonder if they recently had the roof done?
More than likely somebody slipped her a
ROOFER!!!!ROOFER!!!!ROOFER!!!!ROOFER!!!!ROOFER!!!!ROOFER!!!!ROOFER!!!!
**gets the
preventativepreventional mop, in anticipation of an assplosion.**Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
DeGaulle….
Preventional….
Oh No! – it’s the dreaded French Preventional Taco Box.
The French Preventional Taco Boxes opening for the Manhattan Turingfails?
I think you’d have to divide yourself by 0 in order to fit. That means…
Oh, shi…
*Quickly multiplies by zero to collapse the vortex*
Well, SJ may have been sucked in… but I think we managed to save most of the comments section.
Say Hi to Graham while you’re out in whatever dimension that sends you off to!
*cue dramatic music*
*(After floating for an eternity in endless nothingness, lights begin to rush forwards, filling the field of vision. Colors dance and twirl.)*
(very emotional)My unspecified-deity, it’s full of…COOKIES!
*cue dramatic cresendo*
(mouth full) This is the best universe EVER! Oooh, white chocolate-macadamia nut!
And bring back a Cap’n to English Dictionary!
I could only find Volumes 1, 3, 5, and 7.
… that’s 1, 3, 5, and 7 FIRM.
*Ice blue*
No, ice green. Water blue. Sky blue,too.
You nurse, me patient, him Doctor.
and vodka.
Me, Nurse?
I think the first poster was in the middle of his/her fifth Manhattan when s/he wrote this.
Oooooh, so the apartment is at the bottom of a bottle? THAT explains the price. Lovely, though.
I’ve always said that you can fit as many 0 people in a bottle as you want. And I stand by that.
You can only save Time in a bottle, silly.
Coors Light is made from people, PEOPLE!
TM,
You used the correct preposition, but I would replace *made* with *excreted*.
Coors Light: The fresh taste of construction worker back sweat now with a refreshing twist of gym sock!
Our ingredients are all natural and squeegeed off only the most rugged construction workers after a hard day at work!
YIKES! Thanks, TM. I was thinking I might have a beer or several this evening to kick off the weekend; nope – Scotch it is. Scotchy-scotch.
I’m a helper!
“Coors Light is made from people, PEOPLE!”
That’s my favorite scene in Soylent Green. When Kanye West interrupts Charlton Heston, and Heston shoots him.
Coors Light is redundant.
Coors Light abbreviates to CL–coincidence?
It’s not the worker sweat so much as the Ecotrourists from california wallowing in the Giardia and Cryptosporidiosis in the other-wise innocent rocky mountain waters.
I wonder how you get an apartment in a bottle. Do they do it the same way they do ships and kittens?
There is a genie that lives in there. Or Jeannie… she had a nice place.
Yes. They build it in the basement and, if it was a man who built it, they discover it won’t fit up the stairs and through the door when it’s compete.
I think the first post is photoshopped.
Because: the text says there’s a king-sized bed, but in the pictures it looks like a queen at most.
Yeah, you can totally see the pixel distortion in the center of the bed where the middle was cropped out.
Shame on them making me think I’d get a smaller bed at no extra charge.
Maybe they pixelled out the naked man who comes with the place. You know, to fix your computer and fence.
I bet the second one is a first year resident at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital who somehow got a copy of the key to the dispensary. Looking for a non-party roomie so they don’t have to share.
Most likely also looking for a roomie who won’t be there because (s)he’s living with their secret “other” in fear of their parents finding out.
Ha, I was remembering that one, too. Maybe it’s just so you can have a postbox, or say you “live in Manhattan”.
Heh.. studio apartment that’s at least 1800 sqft, with park and water views, windows on at least 3 sides, different kinds of hardwood floors, and different ceiling styles, in Manhattan.
Oh, and of course it has a fireplace.
I have lived in Manhattan for 27 years, ten of them in a studio apartment. I’ve never seen a studio with so many different styles of window, not to mention so many corners with window on both sides.
I used to have dreams that I’d open a door in my studio apartment and magically find another room that also belonged to me. This poster has clearly stumbled upon my magical dream apartment. Alas, I am more than 0 people, so it is not perfect for me.
Maybe it’s a Tardis studio apartment. Technically only one room, and that’s what shows in the schematics for the building, but when you get inside … it’s whatever you want your Magical Dream Apartment to be.
I think 0 is an adjective not a number; as in, studio for people who are zeroes. (You’re still disqualified, though.)
You’re on to something with the adjective thing, but I don’t think it’s a zero at all. It’s an “O.” They’re looking for Oprah people.
Look under your chairs!
You get a studio apartment!
And you get a studio apartment!
Every!Body!Gets!A!Studio!Apartment!
Look under your chairs!
You may notice that each one of you is sitting on a claymore mine rigged up to a pressure switch hooked up to chair of a different, randomly selected person in the audience.
Now, our guest today is bomb diffusion expert James Twitchy, who will be demonstrating how to negociate for the lives of several hostages while simultaneously disarming 137 seperately wired bombs.
If he succeeds, you all get to live!
You!All!Get!To!Live!
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
(I have this dream occasionally.)
I was thinking (having been in line at the Tax Office to get renewed tags for the ride) that it might actualy be a shape of person
It could just be a rounding error.
I mean, not the kind of rounding the Capn’s talking about.
Quite! Quite, everyone! Sheesh, I can’t hear myself think in here.
Well, if you’d take that megaphone off your neck and plug your ears up with your paws the ROOF ROOF ROOF sounds won’t be so loud…
Not. A. Megaphone. It’s a mane.
More like a satellite dish.
A mane? But that’s not a lion. (And not a Not.A.Lion.)
Clearly. A. Lion, SJ.
Ah. So that’s not a lion or a Not.A.Lion but a Clearly.A.Lion.
Got it.
*(brain asplode)*
I think we have a studio equipped with Star Trek’s holodeck.
I’m waiting for my free Rachel. Don’t tell me you’ve run out already, drmk.
I know where you can get a slightly used Vincent with latent stalker-esque qualities.
And I can hook you up with a couple
usedpre-owned Tuba players for 3 easy payments of $9.99, or one payment of $50.42. Which do you want, Toby, Jose, or Paco? (We have to keep Brandon, he’s not house-trained yet.)[insert Adm Akbar: “It’s A Trap!”]
it is, get over there with my twenty bucks and it’ll be another $300 for “rehoming” the sousaphones [wanders off muttering, trips on discared mouthpiece…]
No, no, I stick the $300 in under the cost of the Tuba or Sousaphone that comes with your new furry friend.
The Rainman lists his apartment.
When you want to rent a house near an apartment near a hospital quickly, I believe the correct term is “STAT!”
I LOVED Rachel Rachel when I was growing up!!!
Of course, there aren’t many options in the Christian “rock” market, and even less in ’91.
Meredith,
You have put your finger on the exact reason I chose to risk my otherwise then-Bible-school-y soul for real rock ‘n’ roll.
… I have taste.
Meredith,
Keep your fingers to yourself, please.
I didn’t mind until you said that. Now, I’m ticklish.
No more finger-pointing, we’re all friends here! Living in one studio apartment. Last one standing gets the apartment to his or her self and all the Rachels you can eat!
Yes, anymore arguing, and people will have to start sleeping in the Magical Mystery Bus and the Chartreuse Submarine!
No, no rachel today, it is fabulous fajita friday, or CJ will have Lolly lob limes at you!
No! No more Fajitas! I had far too many at the Fabulous Fajita Friday Fiesta Fiasco of O-Five. I’m sworn off the stuff.
You can never have too many fajitas …. or limes.. 🙂
Especially shrimp–those skirt steaks are TINY!
Not that the cummerbund on a hen is that easy to cook, either
Hey, Cap’n, you wouldn’t have anything to do with this, would you?
Nope. He’s among the several out there using the same or a similar appellation to mine.
Happens. Mine used to include an apostrophe, but that’s a pain to type into login edit boxes.
There’s a boring tale involving convolutions of Seas Service ranks and titles that explains it all; but I’ll not waste the electrons here to tell it.
Look out across the ocean bay in the 3rd or 4th photo; this is in the Sierra Florida.
Since people go to F-L-A for the beaches, not the mountains, that’s why the rent is so cheap. That, and you are time-sharing.
Also explains why the ginormous tub is so clean; every one has to use the shower on the deck so the amount of sand in the rug is reduced by 10 or 20%
All fun and games until someone has an assplosion, eh, Astro?
Hey, nice Leonard Cohen reference. One of the few times that I get the reference without googling.
I never google… you people scare me. 🙂
Google doesn’t have to be scary.
You don’t have friends like mine, then. I prefer to stay as innocent as possible, within reason.
CapnMan, are you responsible for either of these, which I found upon following my own link:
http://www.capnmac.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/capnmac
Meetcha’ at the Chelsea Hotel.
Anytime, Suzanne!
There are heroes in the seaweed….
and Greeks in the Trojan horse, looking for….
That’s pretty funny! I think when it comes to booking a place to stay in Manhattan, I’ll stick to http://www.newyorkluxuryhotels.com. I may be paying more but at least I know what I’m getting into!
But you do know! It’s a luxurious studio apartment for Opraharians, with many corners and styles, that on one side has a glorious ocean view, and the other a majestic swamp vista! And, buy now, and we’ll throw in a free ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! for an extra $70!
I’ve also got a red table for sale. You can take it for free.
Yay… a place to put my chikun stachue!
Isn’t it ADOREable?
Only if it is of REAL(Fun!!!!)WOOD with cadaver-concealing squiggles; but in a tasteful minty shell sort of green, set a little bit apart, with a Path, so it makes a split-level effect…
it has a bathroom AND a kitchen? whoooohoo
[corey] Some Manhattan apartments don’t. (Unless you call a closet with a microwave and dorm fridge a kitchen.) And then there are those weird old apartments downtown that have the bathtub in the kitchen. Not kidding. [/corey]
Reading this on my iPhone makes it an even weirder experience than normal. Lolly lob some limes my way will ya? I’m having my ‘ritas on the patio this evening.
Comin’ atcha! I had to stop and get me a ‘Sexy Lady’… that’s plebian for Sex on the Beach and a ‘rita mixed. I feel snarky… woohoo.
Or at least … really good!
Oh, another piece of snark. It says it’s on the first floor, yet if you look at Picture Numero Uno, you can see it is a picture of a first-floor room.
And yes, I am totally ignoring the fact that this is probably a computer. Because that would suck out some of the fun in the snark.
Hey, Band Names.
Big Friday Nite 2NiTe at the 40watT
Perfect for 0
opens for
Washington SquareASAP
and special guest
Rachels O’Plenty
Big Friday Nite 2NiTe at the 40watT brought you by:
Taco Box!
Yes, it’s Taco Box, the magical wonderful way to eat your Meximeals!
[Cue annoying jingle music]
Taco Box, Taco Box,
Oh, it’s gonna rock your socks!
[End annoying jingle music]
Taco Box: More than just a meal, it’s a bundle of rabid ADD without an off-switch!
Now available in these flavors: Spicy, Snarky, and French Preventional
Tonight’s surprise special guest at the 40 Watt Club: Rabid ADD.
We are still getting beat in the Blog Interview voting, which I can’t believe. We are the site that has put up over 1000 comments in a day. We are the snarkiest of the snark. It can’t be over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Lurkers and regulars, please! Vote!
If we lose this I’m calling Jimmy Carter.
Yeah! We oughtta be able to beat a guy who gets 90 hits a day, half of which come from his two sisters!
I went to the doodle site that’s currently beating us in the voting, and not to sound like a jerk, but I draw better than him.
Heck, it’s my birthday, I’m allowed to be a jerk: I DRAW BETTER THAN HIM.
CatMath > Caricatures
CatMath>CatMath.
I used CatMath to describe CatMath.
**Astrognash Assplodes**
HAPPY BirthDay!!11!!
elebenty
They say it’s my birthday, well happy birthday to me.
I turned 28.
Celebrated by going out for icecream and spending most of the day enjoying the nice weather and reading comic books while lounging in the hammock in my yard. Which actually is bordered by woods on one side, and a pond on the other, but is not in Manhattan.
Happy Birthday, SilvaNoir!
Happy Birthday, Silva! I got you all these cakes!
Happy Birthday!
**showers her with vintage crisco, rare cereals, and unblublers**
Snarky Birthday!
‘S Happy Birfday! (hic)
Very happy birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! I hope you’re feeling fine! Next year will be 29! You’ll have to paint a sign! Your artwork is divine! Sends shivers up my spine! *BIG FINISH* Happy Birthday TOOOOO YOOOOOOOOUUUU! 8)
We should go have some wine.
And we’ll be feeling fine.
But don’t fall off the vine.
*I think I lost my mind*
Nicely done, Windrose!
Happy Birthday Silva!
Happy Birthday to Silva,
Happy Birthday to Silva,
Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy,
Birthday, Birthday, Birthday, Birthday
Birthday Happy Silva!
*holds up sign with 8.5 on it* 8)
…. out of 100?
1000?
Is catmath involved? I hope not because I think I fed mine the wrong thing and now have a flatulator catulator – not usable currently.
For the answer to that, you must slay the Dragon of Hunger with the Sword of Lasagna.
Nuts – all I’ve got is the butterknife of plastic. Guess I’m spread pretty thin right now.
But is it a “standard” butter knife, as used by our other 28 y/o?
I just changed my last will and testament to bequeath all of my unused punctuation to the second poster.
May they always hold it close to their heart.
We’re Sgt. Pepper’s Happy Birthday Band,
We Hope You Had a Special Day.
We’re Sgt. Pepper’s Happy Birthday Band,
Although it’ll soon be going away.
We’re Sgt. Pepper’s Happy,
Sgt. Pepper’s Happy,
Sgt. Pepper’s Happy,
Sgt. Pepper’s Happy,
We’re Sgt. Pepper’s Happy Birthday Band,
We’d like to say it one time more.
We’re Sgt. Pepper’s One and Only Happy Birthday Band,
Happy Birthday to you SilvaNoir!
Ok, had a scary thought (while trying to excise a decade’s worth of boud lounge bands slaughtering helpless Sgt Pepper from my head):
Wonder if the Columbia Presbyterian Sparky used to have a roommate who was sort of pre-med and was looking for a woman-servant/domiciliary partner/cohabitrix?
Figuring he’d likely wind up unable to pay rent ASAP and would leave a roommate ASAP who would nedd help with the rent ASAP, but works a lot, so, leave a message so he can show you the room ASAP.
Ah well, this is late for me to be up. So I will be punching softly. Bianchi Sound, goddess of manly things, you don’t suck! Punchity punch punch.
G’Night, Manhattan!
We love you, Wisconsin!