YSaC, Vol. 653: Wait, isn’t Babay an elephant?

2010 May 1

Some days, the posts just write themselves.

CAN YOUR BABAY READ? – $50


YOUR BABY CAN EAD! As seen on TV 5 disc DVD box set plus 50 flash cards. The set has not been opened or used. If intrested please call xxx xxx xxxx .

Once your babay works its way through the program, they can apply for this job:

2 Year Old Teacher Needed

2 year old teacher needed at [location] Heigths Early Childhood Program.
Days are Monday through Thursday, 9-2:30
classroom experience is preferred.
Please call xxx-xxxx.

I mean, I realize that your babay will be competing against all of those two year olds who have gone to babay teaching college rather than doing the homeschool version, but there’s always a chance.

Thanks, Becky and Caroline!

98 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 May 1

    Well, sure, you can teach a Babay to read, but can you teach a Babby to read? Well, maybe if he has a teacher that has a year on him, but I don’t know. Personally, when it comes to Babay eduation, I think I’ll just stick to Baytovin and Motesart.

    PS: We only made third, didn’t we? I’ll bet we would’ve made first if we’d realized we could all vote once a day at the beginning of the month.

    Adores: 2
  2. 2010 May 1
    Meredith permalink

    “The set has not been opened or used”. Well, I for one and SHOCKED by that revelation…SHOCKED I say!

    Adores: 22
    • 2010 May 1
      LimeLolly permalink

      Are we sure that Babay needed it and not Momay?

      Adores: 17
      • 2010 May 1
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Momay couldn’t read the directions to open the package, and Babbay refused to help.

        Adores: 10
  3. 2010 May 1
    Windrose permalink

    Poor Babay! If only he could have opened that pack of cards, or figured out the DVD player, he wouldn’t be doomed to following in his parent’s footsteps. Son of Sparky could have been somebody! He could have been a contender for the teaching position!

    Adores: 6
  4. 2010 May 1

    I wonder what runs through a parent’s mind when they spend money on something like this and then decide that they’d be better off with the $50. Very strange.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 May 1
      sarajean80 permalink

      I’m guessing it was a babay shower gift. Anyone who can’t spell “baby” probably would not have thought to buy this for themselves.

      And if they can’t spell “baby” when it’s written on the freakin’ box, they should probably think twice about having one.

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 May 1
        Grampdaddy permalink

        SJ, the operative word in your comment was “think” – don’t remember that necessarily being part of the function of producing offspring. Seems to be especially apparent in high school…

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 May 1

          you’re right, generally Babby happens due to them NOT thinking once, never mind twice

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 May 1

          So that’s how Babby is formed!

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 May 1
          Grampdaddy permalink

          At least in some cases – may want to check with Taco for alternatives. I seem to recall him being involved in a previous discussion about this (re: Tacobox).

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1

          apparently so, at least that’s what I’m told. I’ve never tested the theory, I did think twice.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          I thought twice, and that was the end of that painful process! I’ve been a faithful YSaCer ever since!

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 May 1
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        I always turn down invitations to baby showers. It just seems like that would be a bit painful.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1
          SilvaNoir permalink

          It’s rainin’ babies!

          *hands you an unblubler*

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 May 1
          CapnMac permalink

          In my time riding fence* in the Panhandle, I experienced a wide range of weather, including some atypical precipitation.
          Which included fine gravel and, the one time, shad minnows.

          Which will put a new spin on the old saw of “raining cats & dogs”; but redoubles my never want to be in a precipitation of infants (nor les enfants pluie).

          _________
          *Best way to take the glamour and romance out of a working trade is to actually ply it for a while. Cowboyin’ no different than any other.
          Note, horses, even working and pack horses, are tolerant of “working conditions.” So, they’ll tolerate rain, thunderstorms, hail, even gravel falling from the sky. However, they are pretty much Not Happy about having to walk on small fish. Just saying.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1
          SilvaNoir permalink

          I wouldn’t be happy about walking on fish either, so I’ll take the horses’ side on that.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 May 1
          DontTryThisAtHome permalink

          Cap, I too once ranged across the range on a trusty steed, chasing **cking stupid cranky stupid cows all over the AZ high desert. Not that I had anything against cows.

          BTW, Precipitation of Infants would be a great name for a rock band.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 May 1

          Dunno, sounds more like Heavy Metal to me.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          I like where this is lead-ing.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1
          Grampdaddy permalink

          I don’t know – having been the changer of many infant diapers, I recommend staying out of the Precipitation of Infants. Not.A.Pleasant.Surprise.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 May 1

          Hello, YSaC!
          We are the Diaper Content Aficionados, and we are here to rock your citaaaay

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, the other band name would be Raining BabyZ,
          but, I fear that would tempt fate and the ego-inflation of ‘fame’ and would suggest to too many “Reigning Babies” . . .

          Mind you, I met some over-self-esteemed ersatz musicos who had been talked into the band name of , yes:
          d’Enfants Terribles
          They lived down to this title–think Vogon poets at Disaster Area volume

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1

          **Shudders, and goes through his daily assplosion**

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1

          assplosions are just what we were talking about!

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 May 1
      tigprincess permalink

      @Steve-O : I’m hypothesising but perhaps what goes through the mind of these parents is *in Homer Simpson voice* hamburger, beer, cigarettes, dohnuts ?

      Adores: 1
  5. 2010 May 1
    MandaB permalink

    Heigth me Babay one more time?

    Adores: 7
  6. 2010 May 1
    Meredith permalink

    I’m looking very closely at the picture, and it really looks like it says, “Youl baby can read”. Can anyone confirm that it’s actually an R, because I can’t see any way that it is.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 May 1

      Well slap me silly with a lacawates valtrus-suka. It says “Youl baby can read.”

      I’m guessing they’re employing these babays in the sweatshops as packaging designers.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 May 1
        penguin permalink

        Maybe they meant Yul as in Yul Brenner. Perhaps it was the King’s last attempt to show up Anna in teaching. English is a difficult language especially if it isn’t your first one.

        In Russia, babies teach you to read.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 May 1
          Windrose permalink

          “The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary.”
          – Dave Kellett, Sheldon, 02-01-09

          http://www.sheldoncomics.com/

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1

          In Soviet Russia, babay puts nobody in corner!

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 May 1
      sarajean80 permalink

      It’s possible, I tried enlarging it but it just dissolves into pixels before I can get close enough to tell. Common sense says it’s “Your”, but then when has common sense applied to CraigsList?

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 May 1
      Meredith permalink

      Maybe it’s directed AT the baby????

      “YOU! Baby, Can read!”

      And then the baby is all, “Really, I can? Oh, wow! That worked so well, I don’t even have to open the box Thanks, Babay reading trainer!”

      Or maybe that’s directed at the parents, letting them know their children are already capable.

      “You! Yeah YOU! That little pooping gremlin can READ already, so get him on Oprah and start his career as a public speaker!”

      Adores: 7
    • 2010 May 1
      PrincessLuceval permalink

      I looked up the same product on Amazon, and it is Your Baby, not Youl Baby.

      “Youl Babay” sounds rather festive, though, doesn’t it? And it would make a good holiday cover band name.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 May 1
        tigprincess permalink

        PrincessLuceval – loving your Hyacinth Bucket avatar. She rocks! I especially like her candlelit suppers!

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1
          PrincessLuceval permalink

          And waterside suppers with riparian entertainment! Oh, and that’s “Boo-kay.”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1
          Windrose permalink

          I have always felt inadequate that I never measure where my stamps go on my envelopes. Sigh.

          I especially love her relatives. “Our Rose” is adorable.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          No, you may not have chicken with string beans, and no, this is not the Chinese takeaway. This is a private slimline pearl white telephone with no oriental associations whatsoever!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 May 1
          CapnMac permalink

          There are days when I’d like to grow up to be Onslow.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1

          There are days when I think I have grown up to be Onslow.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 May 1
          CapnMac permalink

          Only bad if Mrs Isaac objects to comparisons with Daisy.
          Or suggestions that your FiL is madder than a haberdashery of hatters.

          Adores: 0
  7. 2010 May 1

    Did anyone notice that the first line said “Your baby can EAD!”

    Also, that second one for the ’2 year old teacher’ keeps popping up in my local Craig’s List. I wonder if that’s where this one came from, or if they need 2 year old teachers everywhere. LOL

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 May 1

      I would’ve mentioned eading, but my Snarkolator’s still warming worming up.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 May 1

        You should upgrade to the SnarkUtron 9000, it worms up with 50% less coffee.

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 May 1

      Your baby would be able to work for EADS, I believe they are hiring…Babay rocket scientists seem to be a dime a dozen though.

      http://www.eads.com/eads/int/en/work-for-eads.html

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 May 1
      Windrose permalink

      D, There’s a [location] Heights in my part of the world, too. I will have to check the CL employment section. I know I’m a bit old for the position, but perhaps they can make an exception. 8)

      Adores: 1
  8. 2010 May 1

    Hey Babay, that’s hot!

    It’s to teach your child how to read Parez Hilton’s blog.

    Adores: 1
  9. 2010 May 1
    Mel permalink

    Well, if I were a 3-year-old, I’d be outraged at the second ad. Far too many schools today are trying to stretch their budgets by hiring younger teachers who cost less. This is blatant ageism, and my hypothetical 3-year-old self wouldn’t put up with it!

    Adores: 5
  10. 2010 May 1

    You know, real reform will never be possible in academia if universities maintain their practice of hiring two-year-olds as casual labor.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 May 1
      CapnMac permalink

      Well, it is an interesting strategy.
      Pretty expensive to take out all those loans to go to college to take all the state mandated education classes; then to student-teach for 5¢ a day. Which means your applicant pool will have all sorts of demands (or their collective-bargaining rep will).

      So, let’s specify a minor.

      Now, before anyone goes to storm out with EEOC complaints, they’d have to show that a 3 y/o could become a state-qualified teacher (with or without a note from their mommy).

      Considering the number of teaching certified 2 y/o out there allowed to cross the street, an employer could then make a legal case that a failed Elbonian mud collector would be as qualified as a 3 y/o to teach.

      This could be a dark day for the future of teaching curricula (or of people living parasitically from the collective bargaining)

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 May 1
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Ah, this would be our Governor and State Superintendent of Education. They both are taking a strong stand that educators do not need an education. Qualified individuals could receive a teaching license by showing they have experience in the subject. So, if you have ever slept through a Powerpoint presentation, you are qualified to teach Communications.

        I am SO glad that I’m a real teacher in Indiana….

        *Stomps off muttering and cursing*

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 May 1
          CapnMac permalink

          Apparently it’s just as confusing for others as well.
          Had a neighbor who was a fully qualified and degreed techer in Texas.
          Trouble is she didn’t actually know anything other than how to have been in school long enough to get a B.Ed.
          She wandered off to Alaska to teach in a village school, enticed by the starting pay (without researching CoL in remote AK).

          Oh well, none of it will ever make sense I fear, being at the cruel intersection of public need and public bureaucracy.

          Adores: 0
  11. 2010 May 1
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Wanted: 2 year old teacher to instruct infants to compose CraigsList ads. Must complete intense training course “Yur Babby can Red” and “Reemedul Speeling”. Graphucs or fotagrafax ability wood be nice so you can make pitchers for the ads.

    If intrested, send resum to us and we’ll red it and call you something.

    Adores: 7
  12. 2010 May 1
    Grampdaddy permalink

    To be fair, this is true: My Baby Can Read!

    Of course, he is 24 years old, we unplugged the TV, and used real books to read together. Hmmm, what a concept. Wonder if that concept is marketable?

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 May 1

      Is your baby single? By now, ‘knowing how to read’ is at the top of my list of requirements.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 May 1
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Why yes, yes he is. Also employed. And takes after his mother (not psycho like GD). Even acts his age (also unlike GD).

        Where did I go wrong?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 May 1

          Ah, chillens, they put our best reputations ta shame, they does.
          And employed? He must be marriage material, criminal history be damned!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1
          Grampdaddy permalink

          *Buttons lip, walks away whistling*

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1
          sarajean80 permalink

          HHNF – You forgot the most important question – Is he straight?
          In my not-very-vast experience;
          single+employed+mature+educated+sane=gay

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          You forgot really really ridiculously good-looking.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1
          Grampdaddy permalink

          HHNF & SJ – Yes, he is – and a decent looking Irish lad, too. (Takes after his father, there)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          We will return to our Special Presentation on Homo sapiens venditor after these commerical messages.

          Adores: 1
  13. 2010 May 1
    Windrose permalink

    Happy May Day, Everyone! Blessed Be! Ring in the New Year with a May Pole and and scatter rose petals around your dwelling! 8)

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 May 1
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      This would be different from my usual Saturday how?

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 May 1

        It involves Windrose dancing, that’s how.
        And children dancing around a pole, instead of women.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 May 1

          And more clothing.

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 May 1
      CapnMac permalink

      As long as I do not have to listen to half-embalmed Sovs fulminating in alcohol-impaired Rus; all while having to not what hardware is (and is not) paraded ever again; then all will be good.

      Oh, and if I do not have to wear “lederhosen”

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 May 1

        The satyrs must wear lederhosen. Their legs are just creepy.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          And lederhosen will make their legs less creepy??

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 May 1

          At least they’ll be ‘funny’ looking, not just nightmare-inducing.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 May 1
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Fudge – I got busted for littering (something about illegal scattering of rose petals). Next year I’m just going with the rocket launchers and military troops in the village square – and the ladies dancing around the pole.

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 May 1
      sarajean80 permalink

      Merry Beltane, WindRose!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 May 1
        Windrose permalink

        Thanks, sarajean! 8) You, as well.

        Adores: 1
  14. 2010 May 1
    CapnMac permalink

    Ok, a bit of corey here, I’ve been around those whose accents make the pronunciation “babay”. Been around those who sound it as “BUY Bee” too.
    Oddest is when I hear it as “bibbi” which has all together another connotation. Bad when I have to keep mentally translating that to airgun ammo rather than infants swaddled in sari.

    Ugh. Someone get more Stoli in the samovar pazhalusta.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 May 1

      Bad Scottish accent: I say ‘bouy-bay’

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 May 1
        CapnMac permalink

        Och, lass, the sassenach tong’ nae fit frae man ae mousevitch t’day.
        Ane braw’ lass ought e’eer utter “Bairn” and use the t’bless’t Erse as t’wa ge’en us.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          I dinnae ken a word ye be utt’rin’ o’er there, Cap’n!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 1

          That’s what I told the Feds.
          They didn’t believe me.

          Adores: 1
  15. 2010 May 1
    DontTryThisAtHome permalink

    Anybody else seeing the Zulily ad: For Moms, Babies and Kids, 70% Off! Geez, I just might end this single life and pick up a whole family for deal!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 May 1

      It’ the keep-up payments they don’t tell you about. There should be an asterisk there.

      Adores: 0
  16. 2010 May 1

    My youngling tried this and still cannot ead.

    I shall try again omorrow.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 May 1
      CapnMac permalink

      Wait, I thought youngling were six to the pack?

      Or could this have been an orphaned hefeweis?

      Adores: 1
  17. 2010 May 1

    Next thing you know, Homer will be trying to sell ill eads. I can’t even understand the healthy ones I bought.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 May 1

      I am holding out for the sequel, myself. (That’d be the odd issy, I imagine.)

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 May 1

        ‘E is pre-ey odd, I’ve read some o’ ‘is adventures!

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 May 1
        CapnMac permalink

        Oh, Œdipus your hoity-toity cultural references, and their hellenic equines inclusively.
        Y’all clearly are practicing the Arts of Darkness, no matter how you try to Kurtz-ie it up with Marlow-made, O Hagar O Hagar

        Adores: 1
  18. 2010 May 1
    Grampdaddy permalink

    ATTENTION: Distaff YSaC Members!

    Public Service Announcement!

    David Tennant Alert – PBS “Hamlet” – 5:00 – 8:30 EDT.

    *No drooling on the keyboard, please*

    Adores: 5
  19. 2010 May 1
    Windrose permalink

    I love Weekends! drmk and Dan are too busy to update the Don’t Suck Box all the time, and I just realized I can punch Bianchi Sound over and over and over! *polishes brass wingtips in anticipation*

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 May 1

      Damn it.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 May 2
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! ROOFER! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

        Adores: 7
  20. 2010 May 1
    Grampdaddy permalink

    (corey) Ligers are the cross of a male lion and a female tiger, and they are the largest of all living cats and felines.(end corey)

    Yikes – Not.A.Lion. and Not.A.Tiger. What is the world coming to? Back in my day, we didn’t have any of this intermingling of the species – well, except for Montanans and sheep!

    *shuffles off, shaking cane at youngsters on the sidewalk.*

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 May 1

      Ooh, we did. We just didn’t talk about it in ‘civilized’ company.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 May 1
      sarajean80 permalink

      Are they bred for their magical abilities?

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 May 1
      CapnMac permalink

      And we prairie apes are probably very lucky that lions are pride-orients and tigers are solitary, as eithre Tigons or Ligors would make th Ghost and the Darkness seem mere feral tabbies.

      Something about an apex predator for direwolves that is unsettling at best.

      And if the hairs at gentle readers do not yet twitch, consider happy-to-swim, escalade-sized feline carnivores in packs. The short-toothed, non-arboreal, hominids would have been far better anti-hairball treats than even axis deer.

      Adores: 2
  21. 2010 May 2
    LimeLolly permalink

    Once Babay learns to read, he will NOT want to work at [local] heigths. Instead he’ll just pass the material onto up and coming 2 year olds that thought Babar the Elephant was a rebel for not wearing pants.

    Goodnight folks, enjoy the show.. try the veal.

    Adores: 2
  22. 2010 May 2
    CapnMac permalink

    Can your Babay read?
    [blues riff, with extra saxophone]
    My Babay can.
    [repeat riff]
    Read me like a book [take up 1:4 rhythm time]
    Taught me like a crook
    [melodic insert]
    Took my money
    Left me, honey
    [melodic insert]
    Was opened and used
    Such terrible Twos
    [melodic insert]
    [solo riff]
    In the Heights I can’t teach
    No more cookie jar in reach
    [melodic insert to cresendo]
    [chorus]
    I got the Babay blues, the Babay blues
    None so blind as can’t see
    The Babay blues got me, baby.

    Adores: 3

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