YSaC, Vol. 691: Ball of confusion …
NEED SOME FLYERS PRINTED OUT AND PASS OUT
OK IF YOU CAN PRINT OUT SOME FLYERS AND PASS THEM OUT YOU DO GET PAID ON COMMISSION THAT ME WHEN YOU PASS THEM OUT AND SOMEONE RESPOND TO IT AND WE ME UP AFTER I MEET HER AND EVERY THING PASS WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU TO PUT ON THE FLYERS THE THATS A $100 TO $200 COMMISSION SO MORE DETAILS CALL DAVID AT xxx xxx xxxx
Ow. I just … ow. After about the tenth time through this, it starts to make sense, but the mind boggles at what David is looking for, though. Maybe he just needs some hi dusting.
Have Wire Hangers For You & Need More Also
I have many wire hangers for free that are older.
Will also take any newer or older wire hangers you may have.
I use them for a craft project and then can no longer use them, but I also need new ones. I know sounds weird, would take
too long to explain.
You’re right. That does sound weird. What kind of craft project involves using wire hangers in such a way that you can no longer use them, but they’re fine for you to give them away to someone else with the assumption that they can use them as wire hangers? This doesn’t involve Joan Crawford in any way, does it?
I’m so confused, wchutt and Jooley!
So David is looking for the lady with the wire hangers, because he has to stop her from building a LHC and then dividing by zero — *poot*
*sprays air freshener to cover the ‘poot’*
Here is a craft project for wire hangers that leaves them unusable but requires more, but makes you want to give them away:
Cut off the hook of the wire hanger.
Pull your hand into your long sleeve shirt so it looks like it isn’t there.
Hold the hook in that hand.
Go “Arrrrrrrrrrrrr”.
May require eyepatch.
I want to add the word “eventually” to your last sentence there, Taco.
I want to add the word “pronto”
I want to add “multiple”.
I hear the parrot is a goner. Needs more than a cracker.
Maybe a little gravy and some garlic mashed potatoes.
are you saying it’s an ex-parrot?
It is no more.
And I hear it tastes like chicken.
I understand it was a suicide. Heard it hangered itself from the rafters.
*squawk*
What do you call a dead parrot?
A polygon.
I wonder whether David’s flyers concern a lost frog.
Isaac, my mind, it is blown!
The mug-shot style drawing is my favorite part!
The whole thing is cute, actually.
My favorite is the Green Frog vodka. I’d totally buy it… provided it didn’t actually have a frog in it.
I like the Lolita pastiche (and P’shopped Hopkin in the Nabokov portrait).
What drugs are you on today Isaac, because I’d like to get a contact high.
*Shakes vicodin bottle*
You know, I thought this felt a little light…
(Vaguely related but off-topic, I was talking to my Mom and it seems she gave me one of the fancy bars of chocolate we bought at Ikea and I ate it, but I was under the influence at the time and have no memory of the event. I don’t think I like any medication that makes me forget chocolate.)
Ikea sells chocolate bars? Do you have to assemble them?
No, but there does seem to always be a piece missing.
After their successful season this year I can see why the Philadelphia Flyers might feel the need to pass out, but why do they have to be printed first? And he wants to meet them, but he thinks they’re female?
I’m not the only one who’s confused here, I think …
Well, after an unsuccessful campaign of license plate collection, he obviously thinks flyering will meet with more luck. Especially if he pays his flyering people on commission.
I wonder if there will be a sliding scale for commissions.
“HER THAT CALLED FROM WHAT YOU PASSED WONT PRETTY. THE THATS A FIVE BUCKS.”
After a little more thought but no caffeine yet:
This guy either doesn’t know about CL’s “Missed connections” or it hasn’t worked. So, he’s going hi-tec! He’s hiring someone else to leaflet the area to help him find his dream
womanwomen! And you’ll get paid if he meets her/them! Genius. Someone else does the work, he gets the girl of his dreams, and I bet he stiffs you on the “commission.”I’m going to need coffee to figure out the wire-hanger thing. My mind keeps going to back-alley abortions, which is not a topic for snark, regardless of one’s opinions on the topic. I’m hoping for snark infusion with my caffeine …
Tasteless response to your post: Don’t Go there! Abort! Abort! Abort!
You are a bad person, Windrose.
A bad person who made me laugh after all.
Don’t worry Lola, I laughed too.
Yup, ’cause that’s surely a way to a girl’s heart… pay a stranger to hand out flyers trying to get more strangers to point you in the right direction, as if she were a lost cat or dog. Can’t see that going wrong at all.
Hey, I got an idea! Maybe he can put her picture on a milk carton too.
Perhaps you could volunteer to do the drawing for the flyer and/or the milk carton.
Having someone call her up with a song obviously didn’t work. Maybe he lost her number????
…and he’s not sure what truck stop bathroom he found it in.
*sniff*
It’s a tragedy, like Romeo and Juliet, but without the suicide part.
… and without the William Shakespeare part…
…and the people having different names, and the stalkeresque overtones, and the complete lack of iambic pentameter. Other than that it’s exactly the same!
*sniffle
The part where Romeo freezes to death and Juliet turns into an old lady with red toenail polish always makes me cry…
Don’t forget about the whistle!
*Jaaaaaaaaaaack!*
I always cry before I get to that part. Mostly, because I hate that movie….unfortunately, I’ve seen too much of parts of it, so I can’t say “I’ve never watched it”.
Oh? So we don’t need to announce a Spoiler Alert?
*I had Davy Jones’ locker in high school*
If anyone doesn’t know how that movie ended, I want to know where their cave is, because it sounds like a nice vacation spot.
He should post an ad looking for a women with… ummm…
[Insert Fancy Italian-Sounding Name Here] handbags.
Lola, I do believe you are on the right track with “the girl of his dreams”. I’m only on my first Java infusion, so it isn’t completely clear to me yet.
However – I think Sparky’s problem is that he can’t drink coffee, which means he can’t lurk at Starbucks, which means he can’t identify his subjects by their brand of purse or car. What other option does he have except flyers?
The coat hangers are easy – you twist the hook around and straighten it out. Then you can pound the hook part into telephone poles and use the hanger part to hold your flyers. I know this sounds weird….
Grampdaddy and Lola, I was thinking the same thing..that Sparky had failed at this last attempt to find the girl of his dreams and was now resorting to handing out flyers.
Is “Java Infusion” a band name?
I think it is.
Or a scripting instruction.
Oe would that be a Perl jam?
Maybe – I think they’re traveling with “Cut and Contusion” and “It’s just an Illusion”
But it could be my confusion…
if I looking for girl
I hope the girl read this
Love, Terry
P.S. who took my girl
who found my girl
Poor Terry, no girl and no frog. It’s like some kind of alt-country song.
I’ll find my frog.
I bet the girl took his frog – Terry knows that girls are like that – yucky!
And Isaac – I don’t want to hear another thing about you finding your “frog”.
Mmm Crunchy Frog.
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Crunchy Frog.
That wire thing…. I can’t figure that out. It’s like catmath has expanded into cat art-projects.
My cat thinks hangers are the Debill! Doesn’t stop him from trying to vanquish any that enter his realm (*the floor) though.
*yes, he’s fat and lazy and wouldn’t dream of extending his reach to vanquish anything…he practicallly has to trip over a bug/fly/edible goodie to even think about going after it.
Srsly. What art project renders wire hangers unusable, but still usable as wire hangers?
I’m guessing some sort of performance art?
Or maybe the poster is a tie-dyer, and advertises each piece as having dried on a unique hanger?
I know, I know. Call on me! Call on me!
First you take the coat hangers. Then you paint them with pretty colors and put sparkles on them. Then you can’t use them for art projects anymore ‘cuz they’re already done so you have to get some more, then you paint the NEW ones with pretty colors and…. that’s why.
I know! I know!
http://www.thriftyfun.com/images/feedback_image.lasso?id=80409219
My Gramma had tons of these things.
That sounds like a Confucian riddle, oh great Llama Nun. Or confusion.
I made the mistake of scanning this too quickly and thought that said “Crucifixion riddle”. Yeeeesh…
J: “Peter, guess
who’swhose house I can see from up here.”P: “Gee, I don’t know JC.”
J: “You’ll be perfect as Pope! I’ll explain later.” *wink*
P: “What’s a pope?”
I sat here trying to think of every possible kind of art that might answer the riddle…. but I got nothin’
Closest I can think of is… bubbles. You can bend wire hangers into different shapes, dip them in bubble solution, and make giant bubbles.
Buuut… if you have a good bubble wand, why toss it in favor of trying to make a new one?
Sigh…I feel old….Girl Scouts, circa the 60’s, and we used wire hangers, wrapped in yarn, to attach pictures pasted onto cardboard and hung by more yarn, from…then we connected two or more wire hangers together to create a “Mod Mobile”…Gawd…I feel old…
I picture Ms. Sparky there as an aging Girl Scout in a faded, green uniform. Creepy.
There’s nothing like a skin tight Brownie uniform to make a man feel sexy.
Taco – please to clarify the skin-tight Brownie uniform comment, so I know if I want to just splash a little boiling bleach on, or if I want to immerse myself in a whole boiling pot of it – is skin-tight uniform for you, or for the Brownie?
*Why do I think I might need steel wool to scrub with?*
Don’t ask these questions Grampdaddy, you’ll ruin the birthday surprise I have planned for you.
You DON’T want to know.
“You see, I created this new artform called urine-infused coat hanger painting…”
Warhol actually did a series called “P*ss Paintings” based on oxidation – anything’s possible.
I postulate that certain wire hangers have a protective plastic coating on them. That may render them unusable for this particular art endeavor, thereby giving CL poster many old wire hangers to get rid of… or vice versa.
I don’t know. Haven’t had my coffee yet. MEDIC.. bring that I.V.
I think you’re on to something there, LimeCorey.
I remember from my days as a fire-eater that there’s a big difference between coated and non-coated coat hangers when fire is involved. (The straight part of a wire hanger is a component of homemade fire-eating torches.)
*blink, blink*
You’re a fire-eater? That’s amazing… I’m a firestarter.
Other components are cotton gauze (only cotton, not polyester) and cotton (not plastic) twine.
Get yourself some charcoal starter fluid, and you’re all set.
I’m totally seeing the pedantic monk in a new light.
The light of fire!
Great Balls of Fire.. and confusion.
**takes notes**
You might want to check and see if you can text a call to 911 before you try anything.
I don’t think an accident during an amateur fire eating attempt would leave you very articulate.
*blink, blink*
That’s amazing! Steve-O is a fire-man!
[PC/AP-style corey] Grampdaddy, since at least the early-’90s, the preferred, inclusionary term is firefighter. [/pedantry corey (is that redundant?)]
Oops – sorry Lola. I forgot that we are always PC on this site. I’ll try to remember that from now on.
*sits in corner for ‘time-out’*
It’s very simple. The poster has wire hangers that she has used for a craft project. They’re now all covered with bedazzled deer hoofs and other dead critter parts, and the original poster can no longer use them because they’re too damned creepy. But YOU can use them!
I think you have the answer
Have this nagging notion (least of my nagging worries, ailments, and lemaents today)
That Sparkie is doing some craft on the paper-wrapped wire hangers some cleaners use.
If that paper is broken (gnawed by rodent in the garage; got mouldy in the attic, whatever), then they are no longer suited to Sparkie’s craft project, but are still intact hangers, if with tatters of paper on them.
But, that is my guess, which is mine [cough], that I, A. Elk (brackets Not Miss brackets).
Does that mean the hangers are thin at one end, much MUCH thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end? (Sorry, but that particular Monty Python routine was burned into my brain during one long family car trip in the 1970s.)
Once you use them for the Summoning, they are empty of their magical powers. But they’re fine as hangers. Just do NOT try to use them for the Ritual ever, EVER again. Just don’t.
Zuuuuuuuuuuuuuul!
Are you the Keymaster?
Are you the Gatekeeper?
I think I’m a god so if anybody asks me….
I think our dear iSack has come down with MPD. (Yes, I know there’s a better name for it, but I don’t feel like using it)
My mother always told me that it’s just as easy to NOT be possessed by the minions of Gozer.
Easy yes. More fun? Nada!
What about the Twinkie?!
The Beatles’ new record is a gas.
Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear device on our backs…
{baby corey}Fourth child, false labor for TWO weeks, not eating, not sleeping…one morning contractions are much more organized and regular…I go to doctor, he suggests castor oil and walking (this was 1984) to jumpstart labor. I do just that, we go to the mall and “Ghostbusters” is playing. We go in and sit down to watch it about the same time the castor oil starts to, erm..”work”…so I only see about half the movie. Next morning baby girl is born, and to this day “Ghostbusters” is still her favorite movie.{end baby corey}
I’m just glad you didn’t name her “Ugly Little Spud”.
*blink*
You didn’t did you?
Nope, mudslicker, that’s just her nickname. I tried to get baby daddy to name her Egan, but he wasn’t about to go along with it…he says I only suggested it due to the loopified brains from all the pain meds after she was born. Me? I’m not so sure…
You just made me realize that Tron (TicoTaco) and I haven’t sat down and watched Tron together yet!
[Nickname corey] His nickname, Tron, is actually derived from the vengeful “Metatron” who is the sword of God and sits upon his right hand. I find it extremely funny that the highest ranking Angel of the entire celestial host has a name that sounds like it belongs to a Transformer. Metatron, Megatron; seriously, one letter between leader of the Decepticons and God’s wrathful angel. The fact that nobody I know understands the reference is all the more glee inducing.
“I call him Tron, short for Metatron.”
“Is that one of those Transformers you like so much?”
“Ehehehe.”
I also enjoy the movie “Tron” more than I should, so I get a twofor.[/Nickname corey]
Egads, CJ, glad I didn’t live in Texas back in the 80s. My last daughter was two weeks late with absolutely NO indication of impending labor. MD suggested a late evening hot fudge sundae. Have no idea if it was based on medical fact or desperation, but she was born less than 24 hours later. Only one who has dark brown eyes, too. Hmmm…
My friend’s a midwife and she reckons threatening to induce women works 95% of the time – she tells them their induction is scheduled for Thursday and they go into labour on Wednesday evening.
But I totally would have made my grand entrance earlier for a hot fudge sundae. Mmmm…
“All circuits are full. Please try again.”
I hate it when you try to summon someone or something and get the recording – but I think you’ve solved my problem, Meredith! I need new hangers. I wonder where I can get some. Clearly, this guy’s are all used up.
Empty of powers? Well, then I don’t want them. I’m working on a spell that will attract all my clothes directly to their hangers so I don’t have to put anything away.
This is relevant to my interests. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
CJ-
So, as a not.a.father, could you shed some light? Is Babby bustin’ similar to atomizing unwanted ectoplasmic beings?
Did you guys have to cross your streams?
NEVER cross the streams, Spacebug!! Crossing the streams is bad…
Babby birthin’ is like…well, it’s kinda like pushing a watermelon through a peephole…
Sparky uses them for roasting Stay Puft body parts.
Mmmm. Dee-licious!
In fifth grade we made scary bird mobiles using wire hangers and bandage plaster. This happened during same week that Mommy Dearest was on tv so a lot of jokes were made at my expense.
Brain is not reading properly – saw that as “bondage plaster”….
*goes to sit quietly in the corner, trying to empty mind of all thought*
Here, have some brain bleach…there was some left over from the last time…don’t know why, that almost never happens.
I think we accidentally supersized our order last time.
I think it was Taco mentioning that brain bleach would be subject to Rule 34, and that there is a hole in the jug…
Yeah, you can have mine, I’m done with it. I’ll just go back to the old-fashioned method of bashing myself over the head with a brick.
How mid evil of you!
Here, SJ, have a brick..it’s leftover from some former Tenannts…it was on the counter, right next to the kitchen god.
I’ve ruined brain bleach for all.
*starts wrapping wedges of lemon around his gold bricks*
Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters for everyone!!!
i know where the wire hangers are, in teh rose garden…. wow. today’s group are really strange. scuse me i gotta pass out something.
I think the wire hanger post took too long to not explain.
*prints flyers, passes out* zzzzzzz
“A Cycling Tour of North Cornwall”
aww… I get ‘url not found on this server’. 🙁
sarajean, kelli, into the office. NOW! *ahem* Punchity punch punch!
G’Night, Philly!
Ahh! Not again !
*runs and hides behind couch*
What, am I the only one here who ever made a Christmas Wreath using a wire hanger and tissue paper?
Yes, Karmyn. Only you.
*shifts eyes back and forth*
You didn’t see nuthin’
They’ll never be able to prove it.
i love the Bazooka of Megatron, i don’t understand why they did not include it on the movie ;””