YSaC, Vol. 726: I’m feelin’ confused all over.

2010 July 13

HOTEL DESK CLARK


HOTEL FRONT DESK NEEDIT NIGHT AND WEEKEND APPLY IN PERSON AT [address, very poorly spelled]
FULL OR PART-TIMES PHONE [phone number] NO PHONE CALLED PLEASE

* Location: ###########
* This is a part-time job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Pity the humble Clark:

For years one of the most popular candy bars in America, it is now reduced to working nights and weekends at a hotel front desk. And as if that indignity weren’t enough, actually acquiring the job requires a escaping a Gödel-like recursive nightmare of cat-logic, where you must both call and not call to get the job.

Sigh.

Thanks for the link, Jim!

233 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 July 13
    Dave permalink

    Not to intrude on your snark, but clark is the original term. it was corrupted to clerk in the last century.

    This is obviously an ad from the past that’s somehow slipped through the timestream to end up here.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 July 13
      Anomalous permalink

      I don’t want to intrude on your snark,
      But the orginal spelling is “Clark”
      I know it’s a Corey,
      But I’m very sorry,
      You just can’t be left in the dark.

      Adores: 29
    • 2010 July 13
      Windrose permalink

      Dave, 20 pt. penalty for not using the corey tag! For shame. However, you did redeem yourself with the whole time stream theory, so plus 40! 8)

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 July 13
        TacoMagic permalink

        I wasn’t here to see it yesterday, but Windy that calico is adorable!

        I’ve always liked calicoes for some reason.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          Windrose permalink

          Thanks, Taco! That’s my 18 year old girl Rani who just went blind. I hope to have her for a few more years, but still will be hard when she goes. I’ve had her longer than my honey! 8)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Rani is so cute!!!!!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13

          Rani is quite lovely. I love the name, too.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Lola permalink

        Ah, Windrose, you beat me to it. Of course, my thought was voiced by Hal: “I can’t let you do that, Dave.”
        Not without appropriate corey tags, I mean. :)

        Adores: 7
    • 2010 July 13

      However, I’m fairly certain that “needit” is not the original spelling of needed…. And if it is, please shoot me, because I don’t want to live in a world like that.

      Also, since clark was corrupted into clerk in the last century, and we live in not-last century, I am going to assume Sparky is a time traveller.

      Adores: 8
    • 2010 July 13

      I thought it was spelled “clerk”?

      or did someone already mention this? I’m late today and not entirely awake either

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        sarajean80 permalink

        You’ve obviously been corrupted, dev.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13

          I think hubby would say that happened some time ago

          Adores: 2
  2. 2010 July 13
    Charlene permalink

    Coincidentally, “clark” is a phonetic spelling of the traditional English pronunciation of “clerk”.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 13
      Windrose permalink

      Charlene, see my reply to Dave above. I see no redeeming snark here, so you just get the penalty. Tsk, Tsk. 8)

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 July 13
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Oh no – since penalties are being handed out, as well as punches, I have no hope……

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          Windrose permalink

          Just use the appropriate tags at all times, and you will be fine. 8)

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 13
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Holy cow (horse), it’s another Charlene. I hardly ever run into anyone that shares my (real) first name.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13

        Which might be why I kept forgetting it at the meetup and wanting to call you Christine.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        LurkRealClose permalink

        I work with a woman named Charlene, and her nickname is Chuck.

        Adores: 2
  3. 2010 July 13
    Anomalous permalink

    What is it that Sparky needs night and weekend? It seems that he needs the front desk. Perhaps he wants to use the front desk when it’s not being that actively used at a hotel to play at hotels in the comfort of his own house?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 13
      Lola permalink

      Before I started reading this blog, I’d think “play at hotels in the comfort of his own house” was fairly weird. Now, particularly after the people who enact Biblical stories with their housepets and the ones who want to hang out with midgets or have you do weird things in their backyards to freak out the nosy neighbors, pretending your living room is a hotel lobby is pretty benign. I don’t have to look at it and Hospitality Sparky is happy? Win-win.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 July 13
        sarajean80 permalink

        There’s probably a whole “let’s play Hotel!” underground out there, where people dress up as bellboys and carry their own luggage around the house. As kink goes, that is fairly harmless; no real chance for lasting scars, emotional or physical.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 13
          Lola permalink

          I just had a mental flash of Belushi doing “Samurai Bellhop” from the old SNL.

          Adores: 2
  4. 2010 July 13
    Grampdaddy permalink

    OK! OK! OK…. Darn peer pressure…. I’ll join the kitty avatar mafia!

    It’s a cougar.

    What??

    Adores: 18
    • 2010 July 13
      Windrose permalink

      Doesn’t count, no pointy ears. No fur to speak of. No sharp parts.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Grampdaddy permalink

        No sharp parts — possibly the [Taco Corey] ‘shoulder knees’ ? [/Taco Corey]

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          If it gets cold enough we’ll start seeing some pointy bits.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          Yup, sharpness of the shoulder knees is inversely proportional to the temperature.

          Who’s got the ice cubes?

          What?

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Few things as sharp as language used by cougars scorned

        (And a distressing percentage seem to show a predilection for sharp nails and stiletto heels–rendering them “pointy” at least two ends.)

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 July 13
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Gives the “Mom Look” to Grampdaddy …… Does Grampmommy know that you are playing with that Avitar?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 13
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Of course she does – that’s Grampmommy!

        Well, OK, it isn’t really Grampmommy, but it’s OK – I like Grampmommy better.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 13
          LimeLolly permalink

          Yay, you won’t have to sleep on the couch tonight, Grampdaddy!

          (but better sleep with one eye open tonight, just in case she doesn’t believe you)

          Adores: 4
  5. 2010 July 13
    Anomalous permalink

    Is that Superman manning the hotel desk?
    Oh no, that’s not Superman, it’s only that Clark Kent bloke.

    Adores: 6
  6. 2010 July 13
    MandaB permalink

    “Don’t throw me down, Clark!”

    “I’ll try not to, Aunt Bethany.”

    Sorry. No snark. Only movie lines. No sleep bad. Make Manda go something something…

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 July 13
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Go crazy?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        MandaB permalink

        Don’t mind if I do!!!!

        (Thanks, IF!)

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          Ay laddie! You’v got the shinning!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 13
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Been there, done that, got the kids t-shirt to prove it.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          MandaB permalink

          Today is one of my 2 extra kid days, too. Just to add to the crazy. Woo.Hoo.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          I could loans you a couple of extra older kids (since I’m pretty sure Social Services will be knocking at my door if I mention selling them) to help with the younger ones today. For some reason, I always seem to have more than my allocated 2.5.

          knock, knock Don’t answer that!!!!!

          Adores: 3
  7. 2010 July 13
    Windrose permalink

    I think I would ask a friend to call for me. I would ask the same friend to go apply for me. I would ask the friend to interview for the job. I would lose the job to the friend. Whew! That was a close one!

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 July 13
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Is this one of jobs (or job application) where you get a life line?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        LimeLolly permalink

        I’d like to buy a vowel, please.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          No Whammys!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 13
          LimeLolly permalink

          You have 20 seconds to guess the most popular answers…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          Aardvark!

          Wainscoting!

          Hedgehog Biscuits!

          That’s my final answer!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 13
          MandaB permalink

          Oh I’m sorry but you didn’t phrase your answers in the form of a question!

          Adores: 3
  8. 2010 July 13
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Kitty avatar WAY too painful. I promise I will not do that again. Can I come back now?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      Yes, please. It was disturbing on many levels.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 13
        Lola permalink

        And we’re not even his kid. MandaB may have been sleep-deprived last night for other reasons, but if my father suddenly became that type of cougar, I’d be kept awake tonight for certain.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          My Mom has a picture that she took of my dad (a big, bearded, Grizzly Adams type) in a slinky black sequined dress. (He found it somewhere in her stuff and was holding it up and “modelling” it for her, when she bet him ten dollars he couldn’t actually wear it. He got ten bucks and she got a prime blackmail photo that still haunts me.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 13
          MandaB permalink

          I’ve seen him in worse. That’s all I can say.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          LimeLolly permalink

          And he has problems with red nighties? WTH?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Reaches for his TacoThong*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          Lola permalink

          *covers eyes*

          NO! DOWN, BOY! STEP AWAY FROM THE THONG, TACO!!!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 13
          LimeLolly permalink

          *readies the videocam, unbubler and super-soaker*

          I feel like I’m forgetting something….

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 13
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          hides under the bed, after moving cats out of the way Way tooooo much information for me this morning…………..

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          *hides condiments from Taco*

          I’m not enduring that again.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 13
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Looks around for permission note from Grampmommy …. something is missing

        Adores: 0
  9. 2010 July 13
    TacoMagic permalink

    The first rule of being a Hotel Clark is that you don’t call anyone asking to be a Hotel Clark.

    You do not call interviewers about Hotel Clark. Here is the phone number, do not call it if you want to be a Hotel Clark.

    Now, I want you to Clark as hard as you can!

    Adores: 6
  10. 2010 July 13
    sarajean80 permalink

    Let’s break this puppy down.

    HOTEL DESK CLARK
    Hi, I’m the front desk! My name is Clark!

    HOTEL FRONT DESK NEEDIT NIGHT AND WEEKEND

    I may be just an inanimate object, but I have needs. LOTS of needs.

    APPLY IN PERSON AT [address, very poorly spelled]

    I want to make sure you’re not a dude. Again.

    FULL OR PART-TIMES PHONE [phone number] NO PHONE CALLED PLEASE

    Call if interested, but not if you’re one of those phone-people. The manager cut up my credit card so I can’t afford it anymore.

    Adores: 14
  11. 2010 July 13
    abwh permalink

    Do not taunt Happy Fun Clark.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      Do not get Happy Fun Clark wet.
      Do not feed Happy Fun Clark after midnight.
      Happy Fun Clark does not play well with others.

      Adores: 10
      • 2010 July 13
        abwh permalink

        Happy Fun Clark does not do nights or weekends.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 13
          Lola permalink

          Happy Fun Clark does not do windows, either.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          Happy Fun Clark contains 0% happiness. May contain peanuts. If you experience itching, burning, oozing, redness of the mouth or eyes, spontaneous horn growth, or trouble passing urine, discard remaining portion of Happy Fun Clark immediately and consult your physician, local poison control center, or morgue.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          Happy Fun Clark should not be played with as a source of fun. Harmful if swallowed, handled without protective wear, or looked at for more than 5 minutes. If swallowed, isolate individual immediately and wait for onset of death and zombification. Apply shotgun liberally to exposed area and call the CDC, the National Guard, and your state senator.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          SJ: Was that an Elfen Lied reference hidden in that disclaimer?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          Ummm….Yes?

          (No idea. I just thought it sounded funny.)

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          Grampdaddy permalink

          If you have a Happy Fun Clark that lasts more than four hours, consult your front desk immediately, or permanent grinning may occur.

          (Crap – thought evil cougar lady had gone away – must be a zomb….)

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      CapnMac permalink

      Wait, is this Happy Fun Clark W Griswald?

      Adores: 2
  12. 2010 July 13
    Grampdaddy permalink

    I think understanding this ad just requires a bit of added punctuation. Let’s try this:

    HOTEL FRONT DESK. NEEDIT NIGHT AND WEEKEND?

    Ah, much clearer now – Sparky needs IT night and weekend.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      If commercials (and Weird Al) have taught me anything, it’s that you can get IT on eBay.

      I guess Sparky put an add on the wrong website.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 13
        abwh permalink

        ARTHUR: Oh, Robin!
        ROBIN: My liege! It’s good to see you!
        KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
        HEAD KNIGHT: He said the word!
        ARTHUR: Surely you’ve not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?
        MINSTREL (singing): He is sneaking away and buggering up–
        ROBIN: Shut up! No, no no– far from it.
        HEAD KNIGHT: He said the word again!
        ROBIN: I was looking for it.
        KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
        ROBIN: Uh, here, here in this forest.
        ARTHUR: No, it is far from–
        KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
        HEAD KNIGHT: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word!
        ARTHUR: Oh, stop it!
        KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
        HEAD KNIGHT: Oh! He said it again!
        ARTHUR: Patsy!
        HEAD KNIGHT: Aaugh! I said it! I said it! Ooh! I said it again!
        KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!

        Apology to the Pythons…

        Adores: 6
    • 2010 July 13
      LimeLolly permalink

      I could use IT on nights and weekends, too. As long as it gets a bath…

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 July 13
        TacoMagic permalink

        Doesn’t IT live in the sewer system?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 13
          LimeLolly permalink

          No, you’re thinking about that other It.

          A really good IT stays above ground, and is really useful.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          You know, now that I think about IT, I think I’ve got a cousin with that name…

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 13
          CapnMac permalink

          [Addam's Family corey] the cousin’s name is “Itt”–something I learned from crosswords {sigh} [/corey]

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 July 13
        Grampdaddy permalink

        LL – what happens if you scrub it in the bath?

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 14
          LimeLolly permalink

          Strange and mysterious things, Grampdaddy. Strange and mysterious…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 14
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Well, I’ve got the strange part down pat…

          Adores: 0
  13. 2010 July 13

    If this was in Ish, I just might consider applying for the job. Location, on the other hand, is just too far.

    Disappointing. I really thought this might be just the break I’ve been looking for. You know, a chance to hone my “people” skills….and I use the term loosely…very loosely.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 July 13
      LimeLolly permalink

      People? Aaaaagggghhh!!

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 July 13
        sarajean80 permalink

        She said the word!

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13

      Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing Zow Zing!

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 July 13
      Jen permalink

      It’s very early and for some reason my brain amended ‘hone my “people” skills’ to ‘hone my “people” skill-saw’. I think I’m still a bit Jeffrey Dahmer…

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 13
        LitaRider permalink

        There, there. Just put on your babby clothes and your refrigerator leakage will stop.

        Adores: 2
  14. 2010 July 13
    LimeLolly permalink

    I see a new movie:
    National Lampoon’s ‘Family Career’

    The adventures of the Griswold family’s foray into the being a hotel desk jockey on nights and weekends, and all the crazy mishaps that will occur.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 July 13
      TacoMagic permalink

      I’m glad I wasn’t the only person who thought of the Griswalds.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        LimeLolly permalink

        MandaB is also apparently channelling them.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Lola permalink

        The Griswolds, or, comparatively, Fawlty Towers with the ad penned by Manuel (he’s from Barcelona).

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 13
          Litarider permalink

          “I speak Hotelish. I learnedit from a book.”

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 July 13
        MandaB permalink

        Thanks for getting it, LL. My snark is lacking mightily today.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13

          Mine too. I think I’m still recovering from yesterday’s Bridgetesplode.

          Adores: 0
  15. 2010 July 13
    Mindfield permalink

    Well, I have to admit, if I were in this guy’s position, I’d much prefer a Clark to a Butterfinger.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      As hot as it has been I’d rather have a Klondike Bar.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 13

        What would you doo-oo-oo?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          Go down … to Food Lion and pay $2.50 (plus tax) for a six pack. Heath Bar Crunch if they have them.

          Why, am I doing it wrong?

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          Actually I’d probably buy Drumsticks instead, since I don’t really like Klondike Bars.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          Wal-Mart has a store brand chocolate-covered coffee ice cream bar that I am partial to.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          Thanks SJ, now I’m going to have to stop by Walmart on the way home and see if they stock that.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          CapnMac permalink

          Just do not get the wild idea to DIY drumsticks.

          It’s far too much fun, for one.

          But, you also need great patience, and room in the freezer for trays of stuff. Which will lurk there just begging to be nibbled upon before completion.

          So, out of an entire box of cones, the whole jug of hard-shell sauce and the like, you might actually have enough parts to make 2 or 3 after all the nibbling

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          Moira permalink

          I am partial to It’s-Its, myself. They are local, yummy, and have a fun name.

          Adores: 0
  16. 2010 July 13
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    It’s a little-known fact that A Phone Called Please was actually the original working title of The Jam’s A Town Called Malice.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 July 13
      Lola permalink

      Earworm + “Billy Elliot” flashback time; thanks!

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 19
      Bombdude permalink

      Was that in the same nature of “A Streetcar Named Desire”?

      Adores: 0
  17. 2010 July 13
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    You have a opening at your hotel?

    Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      There’s lots of openings in a hotel, there’s a door for every single room. Wouldn’t be much of a hotel otherwise.

      Adores: 1
  18. 2010 July 13
    Lola permalink

    “HOTEL FRONT DESK NEEDIT NIGHT AND WEEKEND APPLY IN PERSON”

    The complete lack of punctuation encourages my uncaffeinated mind to put in its own:
    “Hotel front desk. Need it night and weekend? Apply in person.” This then encourages a scenario where a hotel front desk is not needed by the hotel during nights and weekends – what the hell kind of hotel is only open weekdays? anyway – and if you need it, you can physically apply it, as if it were some kind of topical application (lotion, medicine, Nutella, etc.). So then I’m imagining the person lying under the desk, the desk being applied on them, nights, and weekends.

    Coffee seems like a good idea right now …

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      It rubs the desk on it’s skin…

      Adores: 9
    • 2010 July 13
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      HOTEL FRONT DESK
      APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD

      HOTEL FRONT DESK
      APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD

      HOTEL FRONT DESK
      APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD

      Adores: 28
      • 2010 July 13
        TacoMagic permalink

        In case of stupidity repeatedly apply desk to head.

        Adores: 5
      • 2010 July 13
        mudslicker permalink

        Must be the Hotel Yorba and you may be Jack White, IF.

        Adores: 2
  19. 2010 July 13
    Windrose permalink

    I knew someone who worked in a hotel like that. She could remember the hourly rates, but the half-hour and minutes were more difficult. I think she had to divide by zero once –pooft!

    Adores: 3
  20. 2010 July 13
    TacoMagic permalink

    *Scene opens on a panicked man on the phone in a cheap hotel room.*

    Blake: Everyone I’ve told about the Clark position is dead. I don’t know who to turn to, Rogan. This has gotten out of hand!

    Rogan: Don’t worry, Blake, we’ll come pick you up. Where are you? *Sound of a bell ringing in the background*

    Blake: Rogan, what was that? It sounded like one of those bells they put on doors to let you know customers have arrived.

    Rogan: Ignore it, it’s a street vendor.

    Blake: *Dramatic Pause* Oh God, you’re in a hotel lobby! You’re one of them! *He hangs up the phone and jumps out the window. The Motel 6 explodes behind him.*

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      LimeLolly permalink

      That doesn’t sound like ‘Dirty Dancing’, TM.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        TacoMagic permalink

        To be fair, I’ve only ever watched about 15 minutes of Dirty Dancing. It activated my gag reflex and I had to leave the room.

        It was one of the parts where they were dancing I think.

        Adores: 1
  21. 2010 July 13


    ‘Tis but thy ad that is my enemy;
    Thou art thyself, though not a Clark.
    What’s Clark? It is nor shoulder, nor knee,
    Nor bike, nor bee, nor any other snark
    Belonging to a bot. O, be some other name!
    What’s in a name? that which we call a Clark
    By any other name would snark as sweet;
    So Clark would, were he not Clark call’d,
    Retain that near punchity perfection which he owes
    Windrose that title. Clark, doff thy name,
    And for that name with its misspelled parts
    Take the job.

    Adores: 32

    • 2010 July 13
      Lola permalink

      Elebenfinity doors, HamCan.

      *is in awe*

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 13

        *Blush*

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 13
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        HamCan for YSaC Poet Lorriette*.

        * Official TacoMagic ™ Brand [sic] footnote

        Adores: 14
        • 2010 July 13
          LurkRealClose permalink

          I second the motion.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 13
        abwh permalink

        *clap clap clap clap clap clap*

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 13

      HamCan, you are becoming the Bard of YSaC. A bunch of doors, too many to throw!

      Adores: 9
    • 2010 July 13

      Ever so many doors from me as well!

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 13

      we’ll run out of doors at this rate, surely?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Moira permalink

        We’ll just steal more doors from refrigerators which may or may not have caused leakages.

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      Windrose permalink

      HamCan, I was just going to post that! Maybe not exactly word for word. I was going with the Gettysburg Address, but nearly the same.

      *wanders off muttering about never posting again, the bar has been set too high*

      *realizes there’s no way I can stop snarking, no matter how low the humor thereof*

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 July 13

        I wouldn’t worry about that high bar Windrose, you’re welcome down here in the gutter with us any time you like.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          We have cookies and special brownies!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 13
          LurkRealClose permalink

          And I think I have a bike!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 13
          Moira permalink

          But… I wanted to see Windrose and Bridgete in a steeplechase over bars. Do we have a YSaC official sport yet? I’m imagining a sort of Ninja Warrior sport involving bars and gutters and unbublers and freestyle punctuation placement.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 13
          Windrose permalink

          *sets up deck chair in the gutter*

          Wow, you have a nice view of the snark down here! Any hedgehog biscuits left?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 14

          Hahaha, I like the idea of a YSaC sport. Definitely must involve bars. Of various sorts.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 13

        “HamCan, I was just going to post that!”

        Sorry Windy…next time send me a telepathetic message

        “We have cookies and special brownies!”

        cookies? Nom Nom Nom!
        Can I haz some too?

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 13
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Brava, Sparkiette!

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 14
      Anomalous permalink

      HamCam, I am in awe. There I am noncing around with limericks while you’re snarking in iambic pentameter. Kudos, mate!

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 15

        Limericks are my favorite!
        :-)

        Adores: 0
  22. 2010 July 13
    LimeLolly permalink

    Do you wonder if the reason someone must apply in person is because this is in a bad area of town?

    If they can survive the gauntlet of bullets and drunkards, they qualify for the job! Any live, breathing body is a good clark candidate.

    I wonder what the turnover rate is on this position?

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 July 13

      Obviously why they need Clark (Kent) to apply, anyone else wouldn’t last one night.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 13
        LimeLolly permalink

        I don’t know Hammie. You should see and talk to some of the hotel folks in my city. I think they are more than capable of handling it. Sometimes, I’m too scared of the hotel people to even disturb the covers on the bed… so I sleep in the tub.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13

          They have tubs?
          Classy!!!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13

          Nope. It’s even better than that, HamCan. It’s “calassay.”

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          Perfect for a luxury woman or man.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          LimeLolly permalink

          And…. we finally got to ‘position’. Yay.

          Adores: 3
  23. 2010 July 13

    Oh man, [address, very poorly spelled] is right down the street from me!

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 July 13

      Oh so you are the one that lives at [address, very poorly punctuated]

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 13

        Might be! But there are a lot of [address, very poorly punctuated] in Location.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 13


          Goin’ to Location
          Location here I come
          Goin’ to Location
          Location here I come
          Got some crazy little Craigslist ads there
          I’m gonna snark me some

          Gonna be standin’ on the corner of
          [address, very poorly spelled]
          I’m gonna be standin’ on the corner of
          [address, very poorly spelled]
          With my Location babby
          And a little bit* of wine

          Well I might take a Not.A.Lionel train
          Might take de-plane
          But pretty little babby
          Gonna get there the same

          Goin’ to Location
          Location here I come
          Got some crazy little Craigslist ads there
          I’m gonna snark me some

          Gonna find myself a babby
          And make her mine(obo), yeah

          Got some crazy little Craigslist ads there
          I’m gonna Laugh at one
          Yeah yeah yeah yeah

          *A LOT!

          Adores: 12
  24. 2010 July 13

    By Clark, I think I’ve got it! No phone calls + very poorly spelled = texting*

    *because phoning is SO last century.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 July 13
      Lola permalink

      I’m now imagining trying to contact the front desk from one’s room in a place that doesn’t take phone calls, only texts. And is so cheap they probably don’t have phones in the rooms (I stayed in one of those in the Catskills once – technically a motel rather than a hotel). You either have to text from a cell, or walk to the office (because I really doubt it has a lobby; this isn’t the Waldorf). And get a reply that is at least as carefully worded as this ad! Now, that’s customer service! 8)

      Adores: 2
  25. 2010 July 13
    SilvaNoir permalink

    All the (mostly dark colored cats) is making it confusing to tell people apart now (at first glance)

    I’m the only rat in a sea full of cats. I feel like I should find a hole in the baseboards and hide in there.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 July 13

      You could hide in the can with me…Nom nom nom

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        TacoMagic permalink

        It’s a trap!

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13

          No it isn’t!

          *Drools

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      LimeLolly permalink

      I have room in my plant. :)

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      I can switch back if it’s easier.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        I think the cats will go back into hiding on Wednesday.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m gonna keep mine. I don’t really have pictures of anything else.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          LurkRealClose permalink

          Mine is pretty sick of being a moose, and the robot moose is getting a little tired of hiding. So, yes.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13

          I feel out of the loop. If I was at home, I’d kitty-fie my Dalek. ME-OW.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 13
      Windrose permalink

      http://ihasahotdog.com/2010/07/12/funny-dog-pictures-we-kant-stop-here/

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 13

        brilliant Windrose, have a door

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 13
      CapnMac permalink

      be careful of the sheep in Wainscoting.

      Adores: 3
  26. 2010 July 13
    abwh permalink

    Oddly, [corey] hasn’t shown up at all today…

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 13
      abwh permalink

      until now
      *dagnabitall*

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      It’s like when you play that thing, what is it called? Starts with a “g”. The G…

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        TacoMagic permalink

        The gomb-

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13

        The Glass Armonica?

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 13
        Grampdaddy permalink

        G-String…

        C’mon Taco, you should have gotten that right away – the G-string is next to your thong.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13

          I thang a thong oneth…

          Adores: 2
  27. 2010 July 13
    mudslicker permalink

    I hardly recognize the place. Everyone looks like they’ve had a makeover. I think I left my snark on the beach. Lifeguards say they had a snark sighting. Everybody had to get out of the water.

    My fridge is leaking and the doors appear to have run off with a candy bar. Oh…and I have no principals!

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 July 13
      LurkRealClose permalink

      Hey Mudsy! We were taken over by the cat avatar mafia. Here, have a door and a slice of coffee. You’ll feel better soon. You want to go sit in the truckofbees for a while?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        mudslicker permalink

        So the place is run over by a bunch of pussies, eh? I feel another Heroic epic coming on in a Friskies commercial.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 13

          Yup, just take a peek in my can!

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      :waves:

      Welcome back, Mudsy! I assume you look very well-tanned and rested.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        mudslicker permalink

        I am very tan as I picked a fortnight of sweltering heatwave on the East coast in which to have my vacation. I could be coaxed into another 2 weeks however. I hate the end of vacations…almost isn’t worth taking one as the days dwindle.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Pounces on Mudsy and Glomps her*

          Welcome back!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          mudslicker permalink

          I’m glad you didn’t go all pussy-galore Taco. It will probably take me 3 weeks to catch up on the new memes that were burned into this place while I was gone.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          You might want to skip last Wednesday’s Taco Thong incident.

          It wasn’t pretty.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          mudslicker permalink

          Massive linkage in a thong? I might wait and savor that on another day….a slow day. *evil wink*

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 13
      Lola permalink

      Mudsy! Nice Jersey shore oompa-loompa color tan! Are you going by “Snooki” yet?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 13
        mudslicker permalink

        I did go to the boardwalk and even took a pic *sheepishly* of that damn mtv house. But as the Boss says, ‘down the shore everything’s alright..’

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        mudslicker permalink

        Nice avatar Lola. I hardly recognized you. You resemble my little Zebb.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          Lola permalink

          Thank you. Apparently I/my cat avatar resembles several cats known to YS@C-ers. I have yet to formulate the theory – do we find them, or do they find us, and control our minds?*

          *Don’t answer that. The feline overlord doesn’t like me talking about him.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 13
          Moira permalink

          They found us.
          [corey]Kitties domesticated themselves (the only critter that did so, I hear) in order to secure an easy food supply – namely, the rodents infesting our granaries when we went agricultural.[/corey]

          They continue this fine tradition today and have no desire to control our minds as long as we continue to provide easy food, tummy rubs and ear scritches.

          Oh, wiki tells me that a “group of cats is referred to as a “clowder”, a male cat is called a “tom” (or a “gib”, if neutered), and a female is called a “molly” or “queen”.”

          (Waves at kitty overlord… “How’d I do?”)

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      MandaB permalink

      Welcome back Mudsy! The snark is good, the jam is delicious (strawberry today), and the brain bleach Jacuzzi is fired up and bubbling away.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Moira permalink

        No jam today! Jam yesterday and jam tomorrow but never jam today!

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 13
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Never Jam Today is the name of my Faith No More cover band.

          Adores: 2
  28. 2010 July 13
    TacoMagic permalink

    HamCan got me in a Shakespearian mood:

    Now is the posting of our discontent
    Made glorious humor by the snark of comments
    And all the posters that pass below the day
    In the word play of dark requests made light.

    Now do our posts ring with playful music,
    Our brain bleach heated upon the pyre of snark,
    Our stern coreys now happy shadows of merriment,
    Mind images once burned in now but chortling meme.

    Grim-visaged pedantry hath the posters plowed beneath;
    And now, instead of posting gibbering sales
    To scare currency from thoughtless wanderers,
    We make light the noodling of clever fools
    And, upon their announcements, frolic.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 July 13
      mudslicker permalink

      Tag! Yer it!

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        TacoMagic permalink

        Yay my Muse is back!

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          mudslicker permalink

          I’m just peeking in today. Tomorrow is Bastille Day so I’m officially back to work *ugh* but I couldn’t wait any longer. The parental units don’t have weefee and I couldn’t snag a signal strong enough for my Firefox to kick in. It was internet rehab I tell ya! *big hugs TM*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          CapnMac permalink

          Only problem with 14. Juliet is how few people respond to a jolly “Vive jour d’Bastille!”

          And that far too many are sans culottes, and not in a good way.

          Fireworks for un et tous!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          Jen permalink

          [football geek] I wonder if Sarkozy will resurrect the “Bastille Day pardon” thing to obviate Les Bleus, the laughable excuse for a football team that crashed and burned so spectacularly at the World Cup… I kind of hope not, seeing such a smug and unapologetic team (“Handball? What handball?”) suffering such ignomany is balm to my bitter, twisted soul. [/only undefeated WC team football geek]

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 14
          CapnMac permalink

          Jen’s tags are antipodean {G}

          Adores: 0
  29. 2010 July 13
    Litarider permalink

    I got here late today but I’m wondering if we could get back to the “parts time phone.” Running with the theory that our Sparky is a time traveler, I’m wondering if a “parts time phone” is able to divide the time stream, thus allowing the Clark to call and not call while applying in person and to needit nights and weekends (but not week days).

    Also maybe, they don’t want you to call any phones while you are the night and weekend Clark?

    “Come work for our hotel. You don’t have to make any reservation confirmations! That’s right, no phones called.”

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 July 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      It’s an absurdist’s retreat. No phones called, no beds slept in, no sanitizing for your protection, and random strangers will jump out of the shadows to pelt you with dumpster snacks and oboe jam.

      Adores: 6
  30. 2010 July 13
    Chilly permalink

    It doesn’t look like anyone else has done so, so it’s my duty to commend Dan for the Dave Clark Five reference in the title.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 13
      LurkRealClose permalink

      Hear, hear.

      Adores: 0
  31. 2010 July 13
    Windrose permalink

    I KNEW IT! I’m pa-sychic, that’s wot I am! I just knew Usually-Lurking Janett would be in the Don’t Suck box today. Pithy, funny, and a new poster! It all adds up! Where did all these exclamation points come from! Welcome to the Delurking Side, Janett. Hope you come back often.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 13
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Are you sure you don’t still have control Windy?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Windrose permalink

        Uh, you mean I could have updated the box in my sleep and not remember it??? Gee, Artsy, I hope not! The Llama-nun would be very unhappy with me.

        Adores: 0
  32. 2010 July 13
    CapnMac permalink

    “Parts Time” phone?

    Is that like the Parts Desk, and only open 9 to 4 (and two hours off for lunch)?

    Or is this some sort of Transformers phone requirement? Mine already can do more things than I can count (or want). What other things should Applicant’s phone be capable of? Time warps, matter transmogrification, auto-correcting grammar–what, O what, sparky sparkcase?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      Jen permalink

      I thought it was like a party-time phone, all Lindsay Lohan hair and confetti in its clothes, but with worse spelling.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 13
      Windrose permalink

      Okay, buddy, who are you and why are you using CapnMac’s handle? *waits to see permission slip*

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 14
        CapnMac permalink

        ¿Que? Oops, for the day, “J c’est moi.”

        Unless you mean the avatar–go check the Deadliest Catch web page.
        Tonight’s After the Catch was dedicated to the late Capt Phil Harris.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 14
          Windrose permalink

          Ah. I don’t watch telly, so I miss lots of pop-culture references. Carry on, then.

          Adores: 0
  33. 2010 July 13
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

    Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address Your email address

    Hunh – guess that shoots the heck out of that rule!

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 July 13
      Windrose permalink

      Manda, did you ever hear back from “The Home?” It might be time.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 July 13
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Windrose – Please don’t tell Llamanun (may her fur be praised) that I broke the rule. Our secret, OK?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 13
          Windrose permalink

          Well, okay. I promise I won’t tell. This time. 8)

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Grampdaddy permalink

        “Home, home for derange…
        where the sheeps and the not.a.lions play.
        Snarky Coreys absurd, and Windrose got the bird,
        and the Llamanun lets us all play.

        Home, home for derange,
        SJ thought my avatar strange,
        There’s a snake in the couch, and the plastic outhouse,
        and Astro says that I’m to blame.”

        Windrose, can I go “Home” now?

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 14
          Windrose permalink

          Yes, Grampdaddy, that might be a very good idea. Say hello to Grampmommy for me.

          Adores: 0
  34. 2010 July 13
    Windrose permalink

    In case this is your first time on the planet, here’s a little helpful information:

    http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html

    Adores: 0
  35. 2010 July 13
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Hi guys, I’m back!

    After a couple months of technical difficulties and then a couple months of catching up from the very beginning of the archives, I’m ready to snark in real time!

    I missed you guys when I couldn’t load YSaC!

    Edit: Hmm, I seem to have caught the exclamation point infection! Will some bleach get rid of it?!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 13
      Lola permalink

      Hi, AR! Welcome back. Bees be upon you. I saw you comment from time to time on back posts, but not recently – glad you have caught up. Have a slice o’ coffee and mind the ‘splodiness (an unblubler may help) while you get your corey tags ready. I can pass the flask if you want – just ask.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 13
        Addicted Reader permalink

        Thanks!

        I’ll avoid the coffee, since it’s nearly bedtime, and my general avoidance of caffeine means that it has a strong effect on me.

        A shot of something sweet before bed, however, sounds lovely. Shall it be Bailey’s, butterscotch, or Godiva? Tough choice.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 13
          Lola permalink

          The great thing about the flask is, due to its virtual nature, it has whatever you want it to have. ;)
          Though if you like butterscotch, I can whip up a caramel appletini.* If that’s what you want, that’s what is in the flask.

          As for the slice of coffee – just wrap it up and take it out for a sniff once in a while and that may be all you need.

          *Actually have ingredients in own freezer and am seriously considering it.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 14

          Lola, I really must try this caramel appletini you so often make.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 14
          CapnMac permalink

          A person could take equal parts of Bailey’s, Godiva, and Kaluha and have a very mocha-coffee-like shot. Would not be bad over rocks in an old-fashioned glass, either. (and far, far, healthier than duck farts).

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 14

          I’m not sure I can do shots anymore. Although I suppose “shooters” such as what you describe aren’t quite like straight-up shots. But, just to be on the safe side, I’ll take a White Russian instead. ;)

          Adores: 0
  36. 2010 July 14

    Alright people. So, apparently, as a “reward” for paying in full for my BarBri class by April 1st (which I believe was the deadline, so it’s just a reward for being a responsible adult), I get, for free…*drumroll* an additional day of class!

    Oh joy.

    Not that it won’t be useful, but really, that’s not much of a reward.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 14
      CapnMac permalink

      Well, no matter how low you can go, just be careful not not to run into that bar
      (especially if it’s limbo in Desdmona’s spaceport and bar–she has a passion for cookies and crew of rookies, you know.)

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 14

        I just got back my lowest score on a practice essay…but as I’d barely glanced at the material in between the lecture and writing said essay, it only served to prove that I do actually need to study, as I’ve been doing. So, s’all good.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 14
      Lola permalink

      That sounds like evidence that no good deed goes unpunished! Woo. 8)

      Adores: 0
  37. 2010 July 14
    Windrose permalink

    Come out, come out, wherever you are, Usually-Lurking Janett! I have a little punchity punch punch for you. It doesn’t hurt, ask anyone! 8)

    G’night, England!

    Adores: 0
  38. 2010 July 14
    alex permalink

    Hmmm so we have conflicting states of call or not-call, neither of which can exist in the same space. More like Schrödinger’s cat-math!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 14
      LimeLolly permalink

      …in a cardboard box.

      Adores: 1
  39. 2010 July 14

    If my name was Principal Clark (which it isn’t), I suppose I might consider calling for the job. Or not.

    Adores: 0

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