YSaC, Vol. 742: No bazooka inspection for you.

2010 July 29

ortofon needle i dont need – $100


i boutgh this stylist a while back cuz i had technics and was slowly biulding up better stuff, well when i got home the day i bought it my tables were gone ,,, i was planing on gettin tech again but why when i have cdjs so im not needing it i bought it for 120 and ill sell it for 100 ive been sitting on it for a while and just reallized im not needing it so ya its a night club slylist better for scatching goes for 60 bucks new u can tell it hasnt been used much the dust is from sitting for so long text me ###-###-####

Okay sparky, let’s review this:

You paid $120 for this “stylist.”
You want $100 for it.

So far so good.

But wait! You’re telling me I can get a new one for $60?

OK, who’s the bigger idiot?
1. Someone who buys a $60 stylist for $120
2. Someone who buys a $60 stylist for $100
3. Someone who, while trying to SELL this $60 stylist for $100 TELLS his buyer that they can get a new one for $40 less than he’s asking?
4. Someone who buys a stylist in the FIRST place, when all he has is CDs.
5. Someone who thinks that a “stylist” is an accessory for a record player at all.
6. It sounds fine to me – trim the sideburns and take a little off the top?

Thanks for the link, Steve!

332 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 July 29

    I have one question for Sparky:

    Are you freakin’ high?

    Oh, wait, no, I have more:

    What in the name of [Insert Religious Deity of Choice] is a cdjs, and why would it cause you not to need this thing*? It can’t be an honest typo, because j is nowhere near either d or s on a keyboard.

    and

    FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL, WHAT IS THAT BLUE EXPANSE YOU’VE TAKEN A PICTURE OF?

    *Oh. A Google search turns up that it’s a record stylus. The only stylus I’ve ever had was for a Nintendo DS, so I had no idea that he wasn’t trying to pass it off as some sort of grooming device.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 July 29
      TacoMagic permalink

      [matt]
      How utterly insensitive of you Astro. Cdjs is a chronic wasting disease associate with those who participate in excessive clubbing. Such disregard for this poor man’s failing health is done in extremely bad taste, Astro. You should be ashamed.[/matt]

      Also, cdjs is highly infectious, so you shouldn’t buy anything from him.

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        It’s transmitted by dust and from touching objects that have been sat on by the infected, right?

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          Sharing infected ortofon needles.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          Yes, SJ. That and sharing infected ortofon needles.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 29

          It is also transmitted ocularly by looking at pictures they have taken.

          Crap, now I’m going to need a vaccine.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          Arrgggghhh. It’s in my eyes, it’s in my eyes!

          Yo yo, Imma gon bust out some fresh beets here people. So hang it!

          *Scrrtcch* *Scrrtch* *Srch* *Scrch* *Screeeee* *Scrtchskr*

          Aww yeah, check dat sound!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          Taco! Noooooooo!!!

          *sob*

          Another brilliant mind Mexican entree lost too soon to cdjs.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          *touches screen*

          I can feel the funky-fresh Wiskansin beets!

          Or that could possibly be this loose wire draped over my terminal.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29

        TacoMattgic:

        Seriously? Also, if you’re not just pulling my leg, does said disease affect the mental capacities of those suffering with it?

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Kae permalink

        Wow. And here I was all depressed about the intelligence of my fellow man after reading the post…

        Now I don’t know if I should feel better or worse.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Litarider permalink

        Sparky has cdjs and technics too? Definitely a goner!

        I had technics once but my doctor gave me a technics shot and it cleared right up.

        Adores: 7
      • 2010 July 29
        Meej permalink

        Cdjs is infectious?

        Oh – that’s what Sparky means by “s’catching,” huh? He just left out an apostrophe. Like Taco might.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          So he has itchy beets?

          That sounds … uncomfortable.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      It’s quite possible he is trying to pass it off as a grooming device. This is Sparky, after all.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      CapnMac permalink

      Astro asks a sensible and reasoned question, so I will [corey] up an answer.

      The “nite klub” scene has been dominated by replacing taped or live music with a “live dj.”
      The ‘instrument’ the dj uses is a dual turntable “deck.”
      One of the bigger makers of such decks is Matsushita Electronics, specifically under their “Technics” brand name.
      To make a turn table work with vinyl records one requires a stylus or needle, which is installed in a cartridge which is on the end of the tone arm. The needles/styli used for “srcatchin’ ” are more robust than ordinary playback needles; the cartridges of a different sort of weight than those used in radio play.

      Given the complexity of using a stylus in the groove of a vinyl record, and the rise in value of good-condition vinyl, and the eclipse of vinyl in the recorded music world, the deck makers now have models which use CDs.

      Using a CD for playback has many advantages (other than the “scratch” is an electronic artifact). One of those advantages is in neither needing a stylus which wears out while wearing out the vinyl it is “played” upon.

      Which is now hugely frightening to me, that I could read and comprehend a CL ad clearly composed on a phone using thumb-texting and “short hand” argot. The contractor-to-audiophiles in me ought to be aghast. {sigh}
      [/corey]

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        I’m a little frightened that you knew all of that too, Cap’n.

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 30
        mudslicker permalink

        You have a contractor and [multiple] audiophiles inside you?

        I see the workings of an episode of Monsters Inside Me materializing. I’m aghast as well.

        Adores: 1
  2. 2010 July 29
    Grampdaddy permalink

    I can see your point Dan, but if you bought two new ones at $60 each, that would cost you (gently taps catulator) Umm, $150. So, if you buy this one at $100, then you save $50.

    *I’m so glad we have catulators…*

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 July 29
      MandaB permalink

      You know, I really don’t understand why mom didn’t want you helping me with my math homework back in school. You explain it so clearly and it makes perfect sense.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 July 29
        mudslicker permalink

        Ooh…the snark. Aren’t you glad he can’t threaten you with “Santa won’t come visit you if you don’t watch it young lady” anymore?

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Why not, what’s wrong with Santa? Is he sick!?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          The reindeer are on strike, or so my parents tell me.

          Damn quadroped unions.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          No snark. His explanation fits pretty closely with my comprehension of math on any given day. Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration. Math was fine until it started involving letters. “Solve for x?!?! It’s the letter after w and before y.”

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          The ultimate ironic twist: my husband was a math ed major. At least there is some math hope for our children.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          That sounds like occurrences in my Algebra class.

          Teacher: Find “X”
          Me: *drawing arrow* It’s right here!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 29
          kelli permalink

          Laurel and sj – As my oldest told her K1 class many, many years ago, Santa is dead.*

          *This may be entirely true

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Manda was being generous also. Math and I were not good friends until I became old enough and with enough authority to make up answers and have them be accepted (you have permission to read that as “corporate budget projections”). When Mrs. Grampdaddy was going to evening school to get her Masters, I frequently was the only one home during “Homework Time”. The conversation often went like this:

          Grade school-aged child: “When will Mom be home?”

          Me: “Couple hours. Why? What do you need?”

          G.S. child: “Help with some homework….”

          Me: “I’d be glad to help you, sho…”

          Interrupted by child, “It’s math.”

          Me: “OK, then – finish everything else, and I’ll get you up when Mom gets home.”

          (Child and Daddy breathe BIG sigh of relief…..

          This also explains why I am the one with the creative bedtime stories and fairy-tales.

          Adores: 7
  3. 2010 July 29
    sarajean80 permalink

    I was a night club slylist once; I couldn’t get better than 60 bucks for scatching though, so I gave it up.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 29
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Cool SJ — could you do my hair?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        Sure!

        *sounds of weed whacker being started*

        You like the emo look, right?

        Adores: 8
    • 2010 July 29
      LimeLolly permalink

      slylist = ?? undercover spy?

      Adores: 5
  4. 2010 July 29
    Lou Stool permalink

    OK, I was thinking about actually buying this for $100, but you can’t even fit a pickup into it. $40 for the extra parking space would have been totally worth it.

    Adores: 2
  5. 2010 July 29
    TacoMagic permalink

    Don’t forget:

    7. Who buys a stylist from a guy who admits to sitting on it for a lengthly period of time.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Thanks Taco — I didn’t really to know where it had been. Now that you brought it up, how DID the dust get there?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        Since it appears to be in a box with fitted compartments that also seems to have a nice, tight-fitting lid, I can only guess that Sparky must live in a vacuum cleaner bag.

        Adores: 7
    • 2010 July 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      And of course;

      8. If I stare long enough at the Square of Blueness, will I seen Hendrix playing at the Fillmore East with Ghandhi on drums?

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 July 29
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        9. What did Sparky do with the rest of the parts that go in that red box. Did they run away with the tables?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          I think they disappeared when DJSparky sat on them. An X-Ray could easily pinpoint them.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Windrose permalink

        10. How badly did Sparky treat his tables for them to all abandon him at once?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          Maybe he scatched them too much. Tables can be very sensitive.

          Adores: 3
  6. 2010 July 29
    MandaB permalink

    1) I have a tent he might be interested in purchasing.

    2) I predict an onslaught of Corey today.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      LimeLolly permalink

      I was predicting a whole bunch of songs.. but I appear to be wrong. :shrug:

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29

        Funny you should ask…

        The hills are alive (and it’s kinda scary)

        Ortofon, Ortofon
        Every night you’re screechy
        Small and dusty new not rusty
        You, Sparky are tryin’ to cheat me
        Needle or stylist you may ruin and scratch
        Ruin and scratch my records
        Ortofon, Ortofon
        Play at my night club forever.

        Adores: 9
  7. 2010 July 29

    Silly boy, he bought the stylist because he had technics? Everyone knows if you have technics, you need da minty shell…unless, of course, there’s a rash associated with it in which case you need…

    :consults catulator ironica encyclopedia:

    ….fresh kibbles for your bits….

    Adores: 6
  8. 2010 July 29
    Innana permalink

    What is scatching?
    Is it more scat?
    Shoo-doo-shoo-aaa-da-da-bee-bee-ohhh!!

    Or more like “ka-ching!”?

    Or like “cat scatch fever”?

    I need a corey!

    Adores: 0
  9. 2010 July 29
    MandaB permalink

    I think we are missing the most troubling aspect of this ad. When Sparky got home, his tables were gone!!! Who would take his tables while he was out buying this…thing? Or did the tables run away? Think about the tables! The poor poor tables!!!

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 July 29
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      When Sparky left the room I think the tables ran away (maybe with the fork and the spoon). Run tables, run; don’t look back just keep on going.

      Adores: 8
    • 2010 July 29
      Innana permalink

      Hamlet revisited…
      My tables [are gone!! I’ll miss the red, free one]– Meet it is I set it [my ass] down [on the stylist].

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29
        mudslicker permalink

        … on your bare bodkin?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          Oh, the slings and arrows ortofan!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          HEY LOOK! IT’S INNANA! FOR SOME REASON I CAN’T STOP SHOUTING! HELP! I THINK I HAVE THIRD STAGE CDJS!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          Taco?? I think you scared me.

          Did I do something wrong?

          Or is it just the Chronic Distraught Jeebus Syndrome?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          Nothing, you just vanished for a few days. I get separation anxiety and pee on the rug when people… leave… for…

          Uh…

          Never mind.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think you dazzled him with your shoulder knees.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          Aww, does that mean you missed me? (not just my knees?)
          That’s so sweet!… I guess, even from a serial killer/stalker.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29

      Someone broke in and posted pictures of them on Craigslist. Unless they were red. Then someone obviously broke in and sold them for free.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 29
        Litarider permalink

        I’ve been looking for a low-cost way to make money. Hadn’t considered this one.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      He was going to sell them but someone took them for free.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29
        TacoMagic permalink

        The irony is that he wasn’t able to give them away for free on Craigslist, and then somebody stole them.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          Would you have to fill out a police report if someone stole something you were trying to give away for free?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          Value-new: $250
          Value-condition when stolen: $30 for the garbage company to haul it away.

          Yup, looks like you owe the insurance company $30 plus a $50 co-pay.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29
      LurkRealClose permalink

      They were spraypainted by a nearsighted epileptic badger with an anger management problem. Then he set them in the driveway to take pictures and left them there while he posted the pictures on Craigslist. While he was inside, the badger came back and took them for his art opening.

      Adores: 5
  10. 2010 July 29
    Lou Stool permalink

    [corey] Scratching is apparently the thing that people that don’t know how to create real music on their very own use to get a scratching sound on the vinyl and turntable. Go to a club to hear this tpe of “music”. Or, go to somewhere they actually play real music with real instruments and forget the dance club thing altogether. [corey/]

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      Innana permalink

      Aha. But what is “scatching”?

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29

      Yes, but that still doesn’t answer as to what scatching is, without an r.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29
        mudslicker permalink

        That’s Ebonics for “pooping”.

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 July 29
        Lou Stool permalink

        Shucks to my dyslexia! Sometimes I don’t even notice missing letters. My apologies for unnecessary [corey]ing. You see what YSaC does to a man’s brain at 6am?

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        MandaB permalink

        [Corey] scatching is what you try to do when you go sfishing. Sfss = no(no) [/Corey]

        Much clearer now, right?

        Adores: 11
        • 2010 July 29
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Don’t make me tell them what you do when you go fishing, Manda!!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          You be nice or I’m bringing Suzie a welcome gift. Bagels and margarine.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          LimeLolly permalink

          Manda… bagels and margarine? Intriguing…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Margarine is good on bagels. Especially cinnamon raisin bagels.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        TacoMagic permalink

        Bow dum bow do do wop waaah bow da bow do do do budu wop wop dow bow *SRRRCCCCHHH* bow do wow bow *SCCCCRRRRRRCCCCHHHH* do do woooaoh do wop bow *SCRRRRRRCCCCCCHHHH* *SCCCRRRRCCCH*

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          This actually sounds like a serenade by Hypno dogs!!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29

          Sounds like the Hypno dogs could use a flea bath.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          LurkRealClose permalink

          “Serenaded by Hypno Dogs” would be a great name for an album.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Lou Stool permalink

        Ah! I got it! Scratching is the aforementioned. Scathing is *almost* the same thing, but it’s done by someone who is NOT a pirate. Hence, no “arrr”. Hope that clears that up.

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          But a pirate would have the “Cs” (seas), wouldn’t he?
          [corey] scathing is missing a C [/corey]

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          More like butt pirate.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          Arr. We sail the deep poo sea hunting for booty.

          Arr.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Your jolly roger is showing Taco….

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          Will he make prisoners “walk the plank”?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          Eventually. But not until after they slush the mast.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Probably not because he forgot the combination to Davy Jones’ locker.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          Davy Jones is a big meany head. He dumps my books and then when I’m picking them up, he gives me a wedgie!

          Jerk.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Aaahhhh…the slings and arrows of outrageous pirate bullying. At least this didn’t involve “sleeping with the phishes”…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          I’m sure Davy Jones can tell you more about that. He was known as the school yacht. Everyone went fishing with him. I think he ended up getting crabs.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          [Pirate]Aye? Did ‘e make ’em inter Krabby Patties, then, ‘r did ‘e trade ’em ter tha’ Sparra feller fer ‘is immartal soul, th’ scurvy dog? Arrrr!!![/Pirate]

          At least, I assume that comes across like a pirate dialect. It might just sound like a wannabee generically rustic English accent.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          You just sound like CapnMac on a good day.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Arghh.
          Ae bae naeding rhum t’day, arrgh!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Your jolly roger is showing Taco….

          Mudsy, was he wearing the black micro-mini sans thong, again?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          A sansy thong?

          But wouldn’t that chafe like crazy?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 30
          mudslicker permalink

          Silly Gramps. Pirates don’t wear black micro-minis or thongs. They wear hot pants to show off their peg legs.

          Adores: 0
  11. 2010 July 29
    mudslicker permalink

    3. Someone who, while trying to SELL this $60 stylist for $100 TELLS his buyer that they can get a new one for $40 less than he’s asking?

    Well, the difference in price reflects all that extra dust DJSparky is willing to include. Dust is like gold. Gold dust! Duh!

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 July 29
      kelli permalink

      Plus he’s sat on it, so it has the added bonus of possibly having been inside of Sparky. That makes it a collector’s item.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        And by “collector” you mean “trash collector”, right?

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          kelli permalink

          Exactly.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      mudslicker permalink

      Vintage DNA does raise the stakes doesn’t it?

      Adores: 0
  12. 2010 July 29
    Mindfield permalink

    I think I need to translate this from Sparkese into English, so let’s see how my linguistic skills are today:


    “I bought a stylist a while back because I had technique and was slowly getting better. Well, when I got home the other day after I bought my stylist, my furniture was gone! Can you imagine? I was planning on obtaining more technique, but why would I do that when I have Conjunctive Dyspeptic Joint Syndrome? So, it turns out I simply do not need my stylist anymore. I bought him for $120, but I will let him go for $100. I have been sitting on him for a while and only just now realized that I just do not need him. He is a night club stylist, so he is much better for scratching, and he goes for $60 brand new, and I can tell you he hasn’t been used much. The dust is because he sat in one place for so long. Text me, 555-SPA-RKIE.”

    Alright! That ought to clear things up.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 July 29
      mudslicker permalink

      Technique = Technics turntable

      Oh! Wait! I see what you did here….

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 29
      TacoMagic permalink

      Ahh thanks mindfield. I couldn’t remember the full name of cdjs. Look, Astro, there it is!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 29
        Mindfield permalink

        Indeed, it’s a sad and crippling syndrome that causes ulcers to develop in the connective tissues of the fingers, causing the hands to involuntarily contort into gang signs whenever in the proximity of other people with cdjs or, especially, cameras. There is a similar affliction of the facial muscles that causes the mouth muscles to contort into a duckface.

        Adores: 14
        • 2010 July 29
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Whacks Mindfield with a hefty door.*

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          *hands Mindfield a Hefty bag to keep the hefty door in*

          There you go, it’ll keep the dust off.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          Stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky!
          HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY!

          Sorry, couldn’t resist.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 29
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Do you have to type with mugs when you get cdjs?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Actually I think you have to remove your brain before typing. Nearly the same thing.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          [über corey]”CDJ” comes from the name of the Pioneer CDJ-500.
          “CDJs” is some form of spurious plural.

          Although, I have heard it described as C(ompact disc) DJ System, too, but without any sort of reference to justify that other than hearsay and/or apocrypha.
          [/corey]

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          Now you’re just being scary.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, I’d had some a/v work with some serious audiophiles. The sort of people who only buy “playback devices” as components. So there’s one bit to spin the CD, the “bit” that converts the binary off the disk into music to wend throught maze of preamp, amp, signal rectifiers and such, being separate.

          Oh, and all of this requires custom cables, preferable the most expensive kings available in the galaxy, but all hidden in a cramped closet.

          Although, there is a sub set, that is proud to show off the $3 per meter speaker quad-ax cable (one braid for a shield, the other for a Faraday cage) that has been measured for length to the millimeter and thus ‘balanced’ for resistance to the milliohm or the like.

          Which winds up absurd, as the $30 the spool 16ga speaker wire from Radio Shack gives near-equal results (just not to audiophiles who insist as few thousand more will let them hear the flake of dust on that 1938 deutshe-gramophone analog pressing mahler’s least favorites . . . )

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          Grampdaddy permalink

          OK, but what is the correlation between C.D.J.s. and W.W.J.D?

          Hah – that reminds me of a short joke:

          WWJD = Who Would Josephine Do?

          Ans. : Napoleon

          What?!

          *slinks back down by the sewer grate*

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 July 29

          Admit it Cap’n, you’re throwing light-switch rave parties in your basement.
          *The system is down!*

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Nope, cannot do that, not at all.

          No basement.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          Random Person permalink

          Christina – Doors for the h*r reference! Hey, what if Homsar is writing some of these CL ads? That would explain a LOT.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      [translation corey]I’m pretty sure he meant that he had technique and was getting better equipment, but then he came home with the needle thingadoo and someone had stolen his turntables.[/corey]

      Or he sold his turntables so he could buy his thingadoo, and then when he got home he realized his one-man gift of the magi, but didn’t want to admit it. D’oh!

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 July 29
      Random Person permalink

      Oh, thanks, Mindfield, now I understand. Of course a used… er, experienced stylist goes for more than a brand new one, fresh out of beauty school.

      Adores: 0
  13. 2010 July 29
    TacoMagic permalink

    With sparky flying around so much today, I’d like to share this Sparky song (Ver 2.0):


    No one posts like Sparky,
    No one’s gross like Sparky,
    No one tries to sell dirty doll ghosts like Sparky,

    There’s no-one on the net quite a slimy
    A stalker who looks at your purse.
    He may seem a harmless old limey,
    But you’d be hard pressed to find anyone worse.

    No one’s able like Sparky,
    To sell free tables like Sparky,
    No one’s as creepy and unstable as Sparky
    He’ll sell you that couch that has urine on it.
    My what a guy that Sparky!

    No one’s an asshat like Sparky,
    Does math like a cat like Sparky,
    No one’s wears a beer box as a hat like Sparky,
    “I use deer hooves in all of my decorating!”

    My what a guy, Sparky!

    My apologies to Disney for that one.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 July 29
      mudslicker permalink

      Walt just threw up in his coffin a little bit.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29

        You mean Walt’s severed frozen head threw up in its liquid
        nitrogen canister, don’t you?

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29

          Man I bet you could sell frozen Walt chunks on Craigslist for lots of oboes!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          And then, in the ultimate irony, use said oboes to perform the songs from Fantasia!

          EDIT: Darnit! I forgot to change the name box back to Astrognash.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      *tosses doors* Thunk!

      Adores: 0
  14. 2010 July 29
    TacoMagic permalink

    I’m still trying to figure out what the deal is with the blue box.

    I mean seriously? You don’t check what pictures you’re posting and include a blue..

    ALL HAIL BLUE BOX!

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 July 29
      mudslicker permalink

      I think it’s pretty.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        it’s not shiny

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          That’s the downside.

          I have a feeling to see shiny, I would have to be looking at this guy’s grill (provided it’s not dusty) and so I’ll pass.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        Reminds me of my Lava Lamp.

        Or a bug zapper.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      LurkRealClose permalink

      It’s the sky. Don’t you know that all pictures have a blue sky at the top?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        But where are all the happy little trees?

        I want my happy little trees, dammit!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          Lou Stool permalink

          Maybe I can help?

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29
      Jen permalink

      Well, despite Dev not turning up at the mention of Blue Box, I’m positing it’s a cunning reference to the TARDIS. This is _obviously_ an alien life form trying to lure in the peoples of earth. Having monitered our satellite transmissions, it knows that alien-human contact usually occurs around a Blue Box, or William Shatner. But ET-flavour-Sparky isn’t totally silly – he knows Shatner can’t possibly be real.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 July 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      I want a blue box. Is it bigger on the inside? I hear blue boxes are usually bigger on the inside…

      Edit: And apparently I jumped in late on that game, THANKS Jen :-p

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 29
        Jen permalink

        Well, you probably posted first where you live, just looks like I did ‘cos of the whole time-travel thing.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29
      Random Person permalink

      I think it’s an extreme close-up of the oil fider warch. Look, it’s the same color and everything.

      Why Sparky needed a picture of an oil fider warch in his posting about a slylist is unanswered and unanswerable, but no more so than many other questions about this posting.

      Adores: 5
  15. 2010 July 29
    SpamCan permalink

    Well, there Sparky’s problem…

    He’s got a Ortofon needle in the fider warch compartment.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 July 29

      Hey, gimme back my can!

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 July 29
        mudslicker permalink

        OMG…it’s matter and anti-matter. We’re gonna ‘splode!!!

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 29
          LimeLolly permalink

          It’s sad when your split-personalities start fighting with each other.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          But if you can get them so mad they stop speaking to each other, you can get yourselves yourself some well-earned quite quiet time.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 29

          “What is she talking about?”

          “I have no idea, but I still want my can back”

          “No, it’s my can!”

          “Mine!!”

          “Oh be quiet!”

          “Very well, I’m not speaking yo you anymore”

          “Stupid Spam!”

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          Spam – The Other Canned Meat.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Do Not Make me Stop This Internet!
          I will embarrass you in front of all your (imaginary) friends!
          Now Sit and Be Quiet, or no one will have any cans to cry about.

          [HarumphHarumphHarumph at wheel 1556 miles to go in this SuperVista-TravelKruiser . . . ]

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29
          Grampdaddy permalink

          OMG…it’s matter and anti-matter. We’re gonna ‘splode!!!

          Is OK, Mudsy – it’s really ‘matter’ and ‘it doesn’t matter’ – ‘anti’s’ on vacation with ‘uncle’ – no ‘sploding….

          Adores: 1
  16. 2010 July 29
    tigprincess permalink

    Taco I so loved your song until the ‘harmless old limey’ reference! As a limey=Britisher I take offence and will endeavour to find a suitable substitute.
    I have just been declared old since a partially sighted man offered me his seat on a Tube journey just now *checks pits for Old Woman Smell*

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 July 29
      mudslicker permalink

      It’s just so he could get a closer look down your *ahem* lion shirt.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        He was totally trying to scope out your … stripes.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      T-Miggles permalink

      It had been intended as a sailing reference rather than a British one. In the area where I grew up, anyone who spent a lot of time on the water was called a “Limey” (My friend and I fished a LOT so we were the Limey boys).

      But feel free to find a less offensive substitute.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        LimeLolly permalink

        So glad you clarified…

        *licks eyeballs*

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          I hope you were licking YOUR eyeballs.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          LimeLolly permalink

          Be grateful it was EYEballs.

          Dang it… you MADE me say it.

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 July 29
        CapnMac permalink

        Besides, there’s no greater umbrage at appelling “limey” than to do so upon the ANZACs, and, with some good POM cause, too.

        Adores: 2
  17. 2010 July 29

    I just whipped out my massive link Ham decoder ring.

    i boutgh this stylist a while back cuz i had technics and was slowly biulding up better stuff, well when i got home the day i bought it my tables were gone ,,, i was planning on gettin tech again but why when i have cdjs* so im not needing it i bought it for 120 and ill sell it for 100 ive been sitting on it for a while and just reallized im not needing it so ya it’s a night club slylist better for scatching goes for 60 bucks new u can tell it hasnt been used much the dust is from sitting for so long text me ###-###-####

    *C-aptain D-umb J-ackass S-parky

    Adores: 1
  18. 2010 July 29
    Moira permalink

    Well, whaddya know… Sparky spelled *something* right

    Edit: Warning. Sneaky corey above.

    Adores: 0
  19. 2010 July 29
    Moira permalink

    In other news, I DO NOT LIKE my computer/monitor at work. On my computer at home, I can see how comments are nesting and that blue photo would have actually been visible. Here at work, pale colors seem to be oddly washed out on this site to the extent that I did not see the blue photo and was wondering what the hell everyone was talking about in reference to the “blue box.” Also, it’s really tough to follow the comment threading.

    I’ve fiddled with my display but it hasn’t improved anything so far.

    Meh. I should just rebuild the whole computer. I inherited it from my predecessor and it has metric butt-tons of free utility software on it that I have no interest in using. It also slows down unacceptably on an intermittent basis.

    Yes, I believe that after backing up all the lab computers today and tomorrow, I will build myself a new system.

    Thank you all for listening to me rant. Carry on.

    Adores: 6
  20. 2010 July 29
    Innana permalink

    You know how you get mental pictures of computer friends?
    This is sort of how I picture some of the commenters here, if YSac was made into a film:

    Paul Giamatti — TacoMagic
    Angelina Jolie — Lola
    Daniel Radcliffe — AstroGnash
    Lou Stool — John Travolta
    Grampdaddy — Will Ferrell
    CapnMac — a NICE Mel Gibson
    LaurelHach — Kirsten Dunst
    mudslicker — Sandra Bullock

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29

      And who are you, Innana?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Innana permalink

        No mortal can portray a goddess!

        But who do you think would best be you??

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Oh I dunno…Rita Hayworth did a pretty fair job of it. 😉

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29

          Me? Well…umm…depends on characters portrayed or actual actors…for characters…I’m kinda like Ouiza Boudreaux in Steel Magnolias…for actors…hmm…sheesh…..do I hafta? I’ll just go with one of my favorites, Cate Blanchett…to whom I bear no resemblance, I’ve just got a girl crush on her.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Ok, back now after visiting the f/b sites of several of the named above.

          And, Simon Pegg, only old (very old) and with dark hair (gone half gray), might be better for me.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 29
        T-Miggles permalink

        Tinkerbell as played by Uma Thurman.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29

          Or this works…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          —Tinkerbell by Uma? Very creative thought!!
          However, Innana the midEastern goddess would be MUCH STERNER than Tinkerbell, and a lot ballsier. She is Queen of the Dead and of War, as well as Fertility and Invention. But I like this thought!

          I call dibs on Cate Blanchett! She is my idol, too.
          I think Tilda Swainton might be a better match for edginess, though.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          At least it’s not Poison Ivy as portrayed by Uma Thurman.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Tilda: *shudder*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          True, but I’m referring to the post-YSaC Innana. It’s like a new testiment Innana who’s more about punishing suckage with cutting wit than she is about war time slaughter.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29

      Taco seems more like Chris Farley to me.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        But less dead.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          Except for the smell.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29

          :mops keyboard to clear it of post-lunch diet coke:

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          If that was a Diet Coke with Bacon, I can understand the spraying.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29
      mudslicker permalink

      Oh yes…Sandra Bullock!!!

      Has anybody seen Jesse? He needs to cut the grass.

      I’ve always pictured Taco as Heath Ledger… a LIVE Heath Ledger. Or Daniel Tosh.

      🙂

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 29
      mudslicker permalink

      You forgot sarajean and Windrose

      sarajean: Sarah Silverman
      Windrose: Diane Keaton

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        mudslicker permalink

        ..or Sigourney Weaver

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          I think Sigourney Weaver is more the Llama-nun.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          Okay, so who would star as the Ostrimu alongside her in YSaC: The Movie?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Kevin Kline.
          Michael Biehn.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Giovanni Ribisi = Bianchi Sound
          HamCan = Russell Crowe

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          My hair has a little* more silver in it…but I actually do look like him.

          Mudsy, have you been peeking under my can?

          *Lot

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Bianchi needs to be played by Eddie Izzard, so he can show off the goddess side of the character.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          HamCan: Can you fill out a gladiator suit well? I’ve got an idea!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          As long as it does not involve Not.A.Lions!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh..but it does, it does. Strength and honor! But you get to kill Joaquin Phoenix, if that’s any sort of enticement (it SHOULD be).

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Well…Can I at least feed Joaquin to the Not.A.Lions as the method of his death?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Hehe…

          Bianchi —> Eddie Izzard —> Or Davie Bowie

          Then I’m making Taco Giovanni. Somebody has to be played by him.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          I’m sure eventually the Not.A.Lions will be fed with a plate of WahKeen.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Only if I write him the line:

          “And we’ll be looking on Craigslist for Unobtainium… Ok guys, who came up with that name? Seriously, we had 280 million dollars and that was the best we could come up with?! My cat leaves more inventive names in the sandbox!”

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29

          With the YSaC carols, I pictured HamCan as a snowman with Burl Ives’ voice.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          Actually, this is making me possibly want to write an actual extremely convoluted and most likely both extremely bad and extremely funny script, based on the random tangents we all get off to within the comments. It would, of course, be nowhere near feature length, as I haven’t got that kind of time or attention span.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Sounds like you have yourself a NaNoWriMo project.

          I got mine from a discussion on gingerbread zombies we had here about 3 months ago.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Yeah for YSaC tangents!!!!

          I was getting tired of commenting on DJSparky’s ortofon sphincter stylist/slylist.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          Oh, well, I actually started writing. Scene 1 is Taco, Sparky, Drmk, Dan, Isaac, and Al Sharpton on a safari. Sparky sees a tiger, and calls it a lion. Drmk tells him it’s seriously not a lion, at which point it notices them. Taco remarks that if it gives chaise [sic] they’ll have to run faster than a Mexican across a border. Al Sharpton proceeds to fill out his contract as YSaC Human Resources Manager and call Taco on Line 1. Isaac corrects Taco on his chaise/chase mixup.

          That’s as far as I’ve gotten. I can’t decide whether or not to add a ridiculously old regular or not, or whether or not to have them be chased by the Not.A.Lion.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          They should be chased…chaste… chaired…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          So uh Astro.. I’ve got a question.

          What’s a Tiger doing in Africa?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          [Meme Afri-Corey]
          It’s a Not.A.Lion, could be anything other then a lion, maybe it’s a Cheetah, or a warthog or a Gnu or a Tse tse fly…
          [/Meme Afri-Corey]

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          What’s a Tiger doing in Africa?

          Ummmm…guessing….

          Burning bright
          In the forests [of Africa] in the night?

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          True, Sir Can, but in this case:

          Sparky sees a tiger, and calls it a lion.

          If it’s a Monty Python reference, then well done then. Otherwise I was just pointing out that Astro will need to explain why there is a Tiger in Africa.

          Mudsy: The other acceptable answer would be, “Whatever the heck it wants.”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          Maybe Sparky needs glasses?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Yes, but they’re not on an African safari. They’re on a safari in the wild savannas of Kclhm.

          Also, some casting of note I’ve decided to employ:

          Sparky – Will Ferrell
          Al Sharpton – Himself (or perhaps Chris Rock)
          Captain Jean-Luc Picard – Patrick Stewart
          Corey – Jim Parsons
          Bob – Bill Murray
          Christopher Walken – Himself
          Bacontini – George Lopez
          Depressy – Robin Williams
          Ten – David Tennant

          Oh, and how do you all feel about Hugh Laurie as Isaac?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Touché sir. I have met the enemy tin of processed meat, and I am his.

          Astro: Is that the one near [location] or Ish?

          How about either Stephen Fry or Ben Stein? Both would do a good Isaac. I always associate Hugh Laurie with either silly humor or being a jerk. Whereas Stephen fry is a little more high brow.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          The one near Ish.

          Hmm… you’re right. I’ll go Ben Stein.

          But I want Hugh Laurie and Alan Rickman in there. I’ll have to see if Windrose would want either one to play Chthulhu.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Damn, now I’ve got Stephen Fry’s narrative voice in my head reading all the lines from the commenters. I’m going to have to go play Little Big Planet or something.

          “Look at that face. It looks just like a smacked bottom.”

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Bacontini —> either Ricardo Montalban or Antonio Banderas

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          What about Mandy Patinkin for Bacontini?

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Alien Nation Mandy Patinkin???

          With the splotches skin condition?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          But Antonio Banderas is doing the dubbing for the voice of LimeLolly.

          Maybe Jonathan Goldsmith as Bacontini?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Bacontini=Hervé Villechaize

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Taco: Gorillas in France can do whatever the heck they want as well!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Astro: Bacontini —> Fernando Llamas[nun] then?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          I was thinking Mandy Patinkin as he portrayed Inigo Montoya.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29

          I think I’ll go Jonathan Goldsmith for Bacontini. I think it’d be funny to have Bacontini be played by the most interesting man in the world. Unless you’d really rather not have him played by him.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh! Is THAT who Jonathan Goldsmith is? Good call.

          Bacontini is so multi-faceted (octo-faceted in fact). It’s hard to pin him down to just one person.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Update:

          Okay, I’ve added the Tardis appearing, and Ten and Laurelhach enlisting everyone on the Safari to help. Corey has created a Tardis of his own, and our heroes must find him before he finds Drmk’s secret identity and goes back in time to take over the unspecified university where she works, thereby erasing YSaC from the timestream.

          By the way, who should play Disraeli?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          This story seems to be missing something…
          I know! A Bard

          * Volunteers*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Okay. By the way, I’ve got you and SpamCan down as Russell Crowe. I’m going to have it as an evil twin thing.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          I think Hugh Laurie would be a good Disraeli since you were looking for a part for him.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Casting Holes:

          Meredith
          MandaB
          PenCon
          Artsy Computer Geek
          SilvaNoir
          Bridgete
          HHNF
          Abwh
          Tigprincess
          Jen
          Arched Eyebrows
          Christina
          Chthulhu

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Artsy Computer Geek—>Malinda Gates

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Casting Hole: Meej is missing an alter-ego.

          and….

          ISAAC!!!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          I said that I had cast Ben Stein as Isaac.

          By the way, the script so far:

          SCENE 1-THE SAFARI

          [TACOMAGIC, ISAAC, DRMK, SPARKY, AL SHARPTON, and DAN are wearing pith helmets and hiding in the brush in the savannas of Kclhm. Off in the distance, a Tiger can be seen.]

          SPARKY
          (whispering)
          Dudes, it’s a lion!

          DRMK
          (raises an eyebrow quizzically)
          Really, Sparky? You still think that that’s a lion? After all these years? I mean, it’s obviously Not. A. Lion.

          [Everybody laughs as Drmk does commentary on Sparky’s observation. Suddenly, the Tiger hears them, and looks up.]

          TACOMAGIC
          Shh! If it gives chaise, we’ll need to run faster than a Mexican across a border!

          [Al Sharpton dials his cell phone, and TacoMagic’s phone rings. ]

          TACOMAGIC
          Oh, goody! A text message!

          [Taco takes out his phone and reads the message.]

          TACOMAGIC
          I think there’s an ointment for that, Al.

          ISAAC
          Psst! Taco! It’s chase, not chaise!

          TACO
          D’oh!

          [Suddenly, the Tardis appears before our intrepid band of beings. TEN and LAURELHACH step out.]

          TEN
          (acting like he’s a bad actor in a 60’s sitcom)
          Oh, mighty Llama-Nun and minions! I need your help urgently! COREY has disrupted the time stream by sending out his minions, ATTILA THE HUN and BENJAMIN DISRAELI, to take over the unspecified prominent university at which Drmk works to try and prevent You Suck at Craigslist from ever being founded! We must hurry before he figures out your secret identity, oh Llama-Nun, and destroys all of Kclhm!

          [Everyone gasps and Dan sticks his head in the sand. ]

          ISAAC
          That’s terrible. However will we stop him?

          LAURELHACH
          We need to voyage through time and space, through the history of YSaC, trying to track him down. He’ll be using the new Cyberspatial Adapter to physically explore past posts, looking for any sign of Drmk’s identity. A warning: He has a head start, and may have already altered the past with his destructive way of looking for information. So this will not be the You Suck at Craigslist you all know and love. Come on!

          [She motions for them all to follow her into the Tardis, and they crowd inside.]

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Astro: that would have required me to actually READ that. It got lost in that long string and I missed it TWICE. Ben Stein would be perfect!

          Taco Buehler, Buehler… Grammar police on the prowl.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Hey, get Chris Walken to play Jeremy Irons, then vice versa.
          They can be [corey] and [matt].

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 29
          Jen permalink

          Oh wow. Just wow. Astro, have many, many adores – almost too many to list! “Dan sticks his head in the sand” made me laugh so hard someone poked their head into my office to see if I was ok.

          P.S I am sometimes told I look like Kiki Dunst when I have partaken too heavily of alcoholic beverages (hooded eyes, vacant expression). However, I detest her heartily so am more than happy to have her assigned to butcher play a different role. If it helps, my profile pic during Facebook Doppelganger Week was Orlando Bloom as Legolas.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          So I’m thinking Liv Tyler, then?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Astro, if you’re casting me as a Hole does that mean I’ll be played by Courtney Love?
          *sings* I am, possessed doll parts, evil face, sadistic heart…
          Oh geeze, I just realized that Curt Cobain died before you were born.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          Jen permalink

          Oooh that’s scary.. So scary it scared the upright line clear off of Kurt’s initial. *ahem*

          Here’s a replacement: |

          If we get to nominate, can I pick Natalie Portman? No resemblance, she’s just awesome.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 30

          Eep, thanks Jen. Chalk it up to years of correcting Kristina. My maiden name started with a K so people had a tendancy to assume the alliteration meant matching letters.
          *note: I bear no real resemblance to Ms. Love, nor any well known Christinas, but apparently I look like either the girl who played Winnie on The Wonder Years or Lucy Lawless as Xena. There’s a reason I don’t wear bangs (fringe for you furriners).

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        I’m not that screechy. I’m kinda partial to Janeane Garofalo as me, but I’m blonder.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          At least I was close. Janeane Garofalo reminds me of Sarah Silverman on about 600mgs of Lemon 714s.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 30

          I’ve always said that if someone made a movie about my life, I should be played by Janeane Garofalo.

          Oh, and Dan should be played by Ewan McGregor … in which case I’ll be playing myself, and doing a LOT of rehearsing for the love scenes.

          (Nathan Fillion would also work. Or Jason Bateman. But we’ll still need to rehearse a lot.)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 30
          LimeLolly permalink

          Naturally… lots of practice. 🙂

          It needs to be Oscar-worthy.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Windrose permalink

        Hmm, I like Diane Keaton, but I think I more resemble John Travolta in Hairspray. 8)

        Chthulhu would be Hugh Laurie. *nods emphatically*

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29

      Interesting. I always pictured Grampdaddy as Adam West. Taco appears as an anthropomorphic Taco voiced by… er… the guy who played the goofy one on Full House. Wikipedia tells me it’s Dave Coulier.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        T-Miggles permalink

        I perfer to think of myself as the pre-family friendly Bob Saget.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Kelsey Grammer with hints of Garrison Kelior for the midwestern “thing” {G}

          And KG is ever so good at carrying off deadpan humor, and would not mug the typos.

          Ooh, wonder if we could talk Rip Torn into playing GrampDaddy?

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 29
      LimeLolly permalink

      This is intriguing.

      I’ve never much thought about it, but I can picture those celebrities as the YSaC crew. Who is writing the script for the movie?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        EclecticBlue permalink

        Joss Whedon is great with large casts of characters. He’s good with the snark and wordplay, too 🙂

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          But then one of us would die unexpectedly.

          I vote for not me.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Oooh, true. Not it!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          It’s probably be me… with the TacoSploding and all.

          But then again, that might be a little too obvious for The Joss.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          It will probably be like, Bacontini or Depressy or something. Or maybe Graham. He’s not here to debate that, after all.

          Or he’ll just write me as dividing by zer

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          I bet it would be a Tacosploding, but with collateral damage. Take out a few innocent bystanders.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Tacosplode not so much a problem if converted to a Kenny McCormick style plot device. (And the opportunity of a chorus of “Notha iste!”)

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          Jen permalink

          If it was Joss it’d be half of a couple, more than likely. Say, where have Graham and HHNF gotten to?

          *DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN*

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 29
        Innana permalink

        I’d kinda like to have this movie modeled after Inception. You know, creepy ideas planted in other people’s minds.

        “In a world where no one’s mind is protected, one team handles the insane Craigslist attacks on human sanity. Their targets? Sparkies. Their method? Snark.

        With the humor of Avatar and the edginess of The A-Team, this film will have you believing your mind is not your own!”

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          My sarcasm meter just exploded again. Wonder why that happened.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          Innana,that.was.brilliant.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Inception or Event Horizon.

          I’m yacky today. I’ve got a case of blog post diarrhea. Apologies.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          [tangent]Event horizon one of those rare birsd where the movie was as empty as the book.[arctangent]

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      I think Anne Hathaway could do a decent EclecticBlue. She or Tina Faye… They’re my celebrity pseudo-twins :-p

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 July 29
      T-Miggles permalink

      I’m thinking GrahamT should be played by Nathan Fillion

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29
        EclecticBlue permalink

        Mmmm, Nathan Fillion…

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          And I guess we can let IF be played by Neil Patrick Harris, since he’s already got the costume.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29

          Speaking of Patricks, I think Patrick Stewart should do a cameo as Captain Picard.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          LurkRealClose permalink

          Mmmm, Nathan Fillion…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          Astro’s right, we need Picard to keep us in line.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Mmmm, Neil Patrick Harris…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Line Crossed.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Finally. I’ve been trying all day…

          That’s what he said.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, better PS plays Capt Picard than say, Othello or Titus Andronicus.

          But, he could also be allowed to camp it up, and insist upon things like that it is “Piquarrde” and not that “Star Trek person!”

          And, with the right beard applied, he’d be a good Disraeli . . .

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        I’m sorry, I stopped listening after “Nathan Fillion”.

        Mmmm… Captain Tightpants.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          I’m making IF —> Johnny Depp

          Mmmmhmmmmm. Yowzah!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 29
          Steph permalink

          Mmm, Cap’n Tightpants indeed…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          You got that one right Steph!

          Even as Jack Sparrow with barnacles on his nuts.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 July 29
      MandaB permalink

      Re: Grampdaddy – had you said Steve Carrel you would have been nearly dead on.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        T-Miggles permalink

        I would have pictured more a Nathan Lane.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          Also a possibility.

          Taco, I kind of had you pegged as Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Ooooh. I like that.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        mudslicker permalink

        And here I was going to go with Gramps as John Stewart.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          MandaB permalink

          He will be flattered!

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        MandaB permalink

        Meredith – Kate Winslet. But Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Kate Winslet, as opposed to “Did the boat sink yet?” Kate Winslet.

        As for me, I think I would best be portrayed by Lois from Family Guy.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29

          Meh. **Does not like Family Guy at all**

          Would you be insulted by being portrayed as Lois from Malcolm in the Middle instead?

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        MandaB permalink

        Meh. Lois schmois – whatever. I prefer Lois Griffin, but I’m easygoing. Malcolm in the Middle Lois is just a bit angrier and spastic. Of course, if I had those kids I probably would be too…my three little monsters angels have identified the point at which they must retreat before mommy goes off the deep end.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      LurkRealClose permalink

      I would like to request I be played by Joan Cusack. Thank you.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29
        Innana permalink

        Good one!

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        MandaB permalink

        Love her!

        I didn’t know we could do requests. I’d like to be played by…hmmm…I have no clue.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          If Daniel Radcliffe isn’t available, I’d like to be animated, with my voice done by Robin Williams.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          kelli permalink

          I humbly request Felicia Day to play me.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          LimeLolly permalink

          Can we do requests?
          I choose to be represented by:

          Piper Perabo

          Failing that… Valerie Bertinelli or Kate Beckinsale.

          And they don’t have to be nice…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29

          Kate Beckinsale, my other girl crush.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh LL…I was thinking the green lizard could just play you. He’s adorable!

          But I guess you deserve to be represented by a warm blooded mammal. I hope Piper Perabo knows how to lick her eyeballs.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Michael Cera —> Astro

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Meh. Darn Canadians.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          I didn’t know we could be animated! In that case, I want to be voiced by Holly Hunter.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Cera probably getting a bit old, too.
          Dan Radcliffe is widely alleged to be lees than a keen scholar. Not a thickie, but, would need the more clever bits explained. In detail.

          Hmm, now that Eric Per Sullivan is older . . .

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Lou Stool permalink

        If we’re doing requests, hows about the new kid in town be played by Jacko the excitable Aussie from the 1980s Energizer commercials? (Although I have been told I’m a dead ringer for Edward Norton and found an amazingly exact likeness to put as my doppelganger facebook pic)

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      Supreme Ruler permalink

      But a NICE Kirsten Dunst.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        Jen permalink

        A nice Kiki Drunkst? That’s unpossable!!

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Evening kids! I’m done! HOORAY!!!!!! I know I said I wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. It turns out I’m too tired for endless celebration tonight, so I came home.

          To contribute: I’m often told I look like Audrey Tautou (Amélie…and the French girl in The DaVinci Code, but Amélie is better). Et je parle français! 😉

          Anyway, I made it all the way down here without snarking. And I read yesterday’s stuff too. My brain is too tired right now. But since you had a casting hole, I thought I’d help.

          Oh, in case you’re wondering…the exam went…fine. The essays were…well, not easy, but they were very fairly written. The multiple choice seemed oddly difficult, but then again, everyone says it’s one of those exams that you walk out of and could swear you didn’t pass, but people do, so…we’ll see in late October. Early November at the latest.

          By the way, 6 hours of handwriting essays…after 6 hours of filling in scantron bubbles the day before…not fun. I’d better have passed, I don’t want to do that again. My hand might rebel against me and run off…sort of like Thing.

          Ooh, time for So You Think You Can Dance.

          :Basks in the glory of guilt-free TV watching:

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 July 30
          sarajean80 permalink

          Yay Bridgete!

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Well, I suppose I have to ask…. Is Will Ferrell a good thing?? (response to some of the previous comments concerning Will from others).

      I do think John Stewart (not Jimmy Stewart) and/or Steve Carrell would be closer based on psycho-togy.

      Adores: 0
  21. 2010 July 29
    T-Miggles permalink

    At least I wasn’t Zach Galifianakis.

    Actually I’m cool with being Paul Giamatti since hee reminds me of Adam Savage from Mythbusters (who I’m told I remind people of because I’m a spaz).

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      T-Miggles permalink

      Hmm… that should have nested under Inna’s comment. I suspect computer gremlins again.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 July 29
        MandaB permalink

        That would explain the comment that I edited earlier that simply showed up as a new comment directly under my previous comment. Maybe Bob has visited us again.

        Love the hip new name, T-Miggles!

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Ooh! Bob might have visited in the night?
          Did he leave presents under the tree?

          Oh, wait, no, that’s not Bob. That’s the Easter Bunny.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          You’re thinking of Benjamin Disraeli.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 July 29
          mudslicker permalink

          Bob took the tooth under my pillow.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          He didn’t touch the milk I left out but all the beer in the fridge is gone.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          Bob took all the apples out of my washtub.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 July 29
          kelli permalink

          Bob took all the elastic from my underwear. Bob is strange.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          At least he left the underwear. All I have is a drawer of fig leaves.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          T-Miggles permalink

          Bob took the bomp
          From the bomp bah bomp bah bomp.
          AND Bob took the ram
          From the rama lama ding dong.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 July 29

          Well then, I’d like to shake his hand!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          I’m not sure I’d wanna touch his hand after all that.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29
          Innana permalink

          Looks like Bob was re-programming my TIVO last night.
          He likes G4.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29

          In Soviet Russia Bob programs you!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 July 29

          He’s also been at my Wi-Fi. It won’t connect to anything that’s not a computer, which includes my mom’s iPod and our scanner/printer.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Draw of fig leaves is scratchy-itchy (and not in a cool, cult, Simpson’s sort of way, either . . . )

          Adores: 0
  22. 2010 July 29

    Warning: while $100 sounds like a great re-homing fee for a stylist, consider the fact that owning a stylist is a huge responsibility! Sure, it may be fun to get a new style every day, and yes, having someone else wash your hair is relaxing, but tell me, how many times can you patiently answer the same small talk questions before your considering dumping them off at the nearest shelter?

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 July 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      And you have to make sure your stylist has been sprinkled or nuttered. Help control the stylist population!

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 July 29
        LimeLolly permalink

        I think some stylists have been sprinkled and nuttered with their own scissors! At least in my town, it seems that way.

        Adores: 1
  23. 2010 July 29
    LimeLolly permalink

    I wonder how much Sparky wants for the red case?

    I have some ritual specialty tools, I need to keep hidden. Dust is no problem. I think I’ll offer some gum wrapped in cartoons.

    Adores: 6
  24. 2010 July 29
    Colleen in MA permalink

    @LimeLolly You totally called me out. Durnit, I *did* type “push mover” in my comment yesterday. In my defense, the CL crazies are catching.

    No replies to my ad on CL yet. I might have let a little too much bitchiness come through regarding no-shows. Who knows, I might have typed “push mover” in the ad, too. I better go check that out. Better not see that ad up on here, ya all.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      LimeLolly permalink

      But, but… I really ‘need’ a mover.. Honest!

      Effing typos..

      @Colleen, be bitchy. It’s the only way to clear the dreck.. and make it cash only.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 July 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        Unless they can bring you an actual firm obo.

        Adores: 3
  25. 2010 July 29


    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Thy needle is so dusty;
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Thy needle is so dusty
    Comes with a red velvet case I hear,
    But also with a stylist and beer.
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Thy needle is so dusty!

    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Much technics thou can’st give me;
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Much technics thou can’st give me;
    Come buy the Ortofon
    Afford it for 10,000 pennies!
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Much technics thou can’st give me.

    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Thy blue box shines so brightly!
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Thy blue box shines so brightly!
    Free base some crack blocks and club at night,
    There’s lots of scatching left inside.
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    Thy blue box shines so brightly!

    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    How rich cdjs sounds compared to thee!
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    How rich cdjs sounds compared to thee!
    Your reproduction less faithful be,
    I trust in cdjs unchangingly.
    O Ortofon! O Ortofon!
    How rich cdjs sounds compared to thee!

    Adores: 3
  26. 2010 July 29
    Ruffin13 permalink

    What’s a Tiger doing in Africa?

    Uh, making butter for Little Black Sambo? (ducks and runs before Al Sharpton gets here)

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 July 29

      Mmmm, Sambo’s the pre-Denny’s, Denny’s

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29

      Sorry, Al Sharpton’s not here right now. He’s busy rehearsing for his role in the upcoming film You Suck at Craigslist: The Motion Picture.

      In the meantime, we’ve hired a temp. Nelson Mandela is on Line 2.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 July 29

        How about?

        You Suck at Craigslist, Episode 2 Attack of the Corey

        Or

        The Blog that ate Craigslist

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29

          It’s still a working tittle. [sic]
          Also, YSaC Episode II: Attack of the Corey wouldn’t work. The sequel is going to be called YSaC Episode II: Attack of the Cheezburgers

          By the way, to all of you (since we all see him post), does this sound enough like Bacontini to you? The Tardis just jumped into the past, and TacoMagic disappeared, and Bacontini appeared in his place.

          Bacontini confused. Bacontini was wit de ladies wit all de obtuse angels, and now Bacontini here. Bacontini suspect a massive link.
          What? Why everyone laugh at Bacontini?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 July 29
          DietBacon permalink

          DietBacon thinks bacontini is overrated! Gag me with a SPOOOOON!
          Like fer sure!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 July 29
          Windrose permalink

          Astro, sound dead on to me! 8)

          Adores: 0
  27. 2010 July 29
    LurkRealClose permalink

    So much awesomeness today I ran out of doors!

    Hmmmm, somehow, that’s not what I meant.

    Great job, everyone, with special minty vintage Crisco to all involved in the planning meetings for YSaC: The Motion Picture.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 July 29
      LimeLolly permalink

      I have extra doors… but they are hollow-core, so they aren’t worth as much. But help yourself. I get them from the house next door rubbish bin outside the home improvement store.

      Adores: 1
  28. 2010 July 30
    Windrose permalink

    tigrincess! You have the box all to yourself! Er, I hope Lou Stool didn’t leave too much of a mess. Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Wiskansin!

    Adores: 0
  29. 2010 July 30
    CapnMac permalink

    Random thoughts.

    Huzzah³! for Bridgete. Someone pour her a Kir Royale and bring her a hazelnut raspberry torte.

    For some reason, Laura san Giacomo could (almost) play our Lola (except LSG might need coaching in not over-emoting being clever).

    We ought find roles for John C McGinty and Rowan Atkinson, if only for supporting snark in the arts.

    Oh, and we probably need the Pythons to do a bit of MST3k (and CGI Graham Chapman in) to comment on the use of their lines.

    Hmm, was thinking of a way to get Alexander Skarsgârd in here, the better for our distaff to swoon, when it occurs that married couple Anna Paquin and Steven Moyer could be our Dan and drnk, bees be upon her.

    Hmm, wonder if Jen would mind having Keisha Castle-Hughes play her, she’d have the accent right.

    Adores: 0

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