YSaC, Vol. 747: No parents? No problem!

2010 August 3

ISO Male 28-34 With Terminal Illness – m4m – 31


I am seeking males, 28-34 years old, with terminal illnesses, preferrably without any family though not a requirement.
Please reply if you fit this description. Money is negotiable.

This is not for any sexual purpose.

Oh, well, if it’s not for any sexual purpose, then I can’t think of a single thing that could go wrong with Uncle Creepy here looking for terminally ill young men without any family. Nope, that’s perfectly normal. Go about your daily business and don’t worry at all about this one.

Worry instead about this one:

seeking an irresponsible immature teen to have kids with. i pay 4 all. – 30


Get pregant, enjoy the attention and the fun part of having kids. I take care of the rest and you. We can either be a couple or two independents. Will pay hourlt for life. Pay increased with each child we have. To syaty, we meet once a week for a hour of planting seed. Preference given to single teen mothers with absent father, instant bonus.

Something tells me that this IS for a sexual purpose. (I’m clever like that.) And who said that the dissolution of the nuclear family was causing the breakdown of American society? Clearly, terminally ill men without any family and young irresponsible teens without father figures are in high demand! What would society do without people filling these roles?

Thanks, HannaFate and Asha!

198 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 August 3
    sarajean80 permalink

    I sense a disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of people suddenly starting screaming “You idiots!” all at once and just as suddenly fell silent under the sheer weight of the stupidity.

    Adores: 14
    • 2010 August 3
      mudslicker permalink

      Was that a Ren yelling at Stimpy scream?

      Adores: 12
  2. 2010 August 3
    mudslicker permalink

    Hmmm… irresponsible immature teen and a person who can’t spell, construct a sentence and has no moral compass.

    Those spawn will be pulling the Mensa wagon and contributing to the overcrowding of our prisons before you know it!

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 3
      TacoMagic permalink

      Or at least make sure that the Jiffy Lube never has to look very hard for employees.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 3
        mudslicker permalink

        Or bakeries*

        *Cake Wrecks reference

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 3
          Lola permalink

          Mudsy, I think you have just explained most of Cake Wrecks, or at least the origin of the speeling prolbems therein.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          Some of those people do look at life a little differently, don’t they?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Ooo, you just reminded me to submit a wreck I found the other day…

          Adores: 1
  3. 2010 August 3
    kelli permalink

    A 30 year old male trolling for immature teens promising money in exchange for an hour of “planting seed.” [sarcasm] I’m sure this is completely legal, it certainly won’t get flagged, that no police officers will answer the ad posing as an immature teen, and that Farmer McSparky won’t be spending any time in prison for this well thought out adventure. [/sarcasm]

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 August 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      Farmer McSparky has spent way too much time playing Farmville.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 August 3
        Windrose permalink

        sarajean, that’s disturbing. Do you mean if I play too much Farmville, I’ll be posting on Craigslist soon looking for immature boys so I can get them pregnant? The horrors!

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Just think, you could start your own babby farm and breed your own little army of minions.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3

          Giggling at the thought of unsuspecting teenage boys laying eggs 🙂

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          Think of children not in terms of parental enjoyment, reproduction, or continuation of the species. Think of them more as small people who can watch your Farmville account while you’re at work.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 August 3

          Or at Band Camp.

          Get your minds out of the gutter.

          **Marches off.**

          Adores: 0
  4. 2010 August 3
    Windrose permalink

    With apologies to John Denver fans.

    Inch by inch, row by row,
    Gonna make this garden grow,
    All it takes is a rake and ho —

    Yup that’s all it takes. I’ll be seeing these people and all the kids in my office some day.

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 August 3
      Moira permalink

      The Garden Song was recorded by at least three other artists besides Denver. I know because I have three versions of it – but not the one by Arlo Guthrie.

      (John Denver is one of my guilty pleasures. Somehow, though, Peter, Paul & Mary, the Limeliters and the Kingston Trio are groups that I am not embarrassed to own up to liking.)

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 4
        Windrose permalink

        *hands Moira a stack of corey tags* Here, you are going to need these. 8)

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      LimeLolly permalink

      Hey… this is a Baby Daddy that’s going to take care of ‘the rest and you’.

      Why would he lie?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        linnee permalink

        Exactly. He promises to pay hourlt for life.

        Adores: 1
  5. 2010 August 3
    sarajean80 permalink

    Anyone else thing Sparky #1 is a really lazy serial killer trolling for victims?

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 3
      Windrose permalink

      Or harvesting organs. Or collecting insurance money.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        I don’t think you can harvest organs from terminally ill patients, unless it’s for … culinary purposes.

        The insurance money thing is probably spot-on.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          Windrose permalink

          *scratches Harvest Organs From Terminally Ill off of get rich quick schemes to try*

          Good point. Excuse me, I have an ad to cancel.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 3
          SilvaNoir permalink

          I saw a special on one of the news stations maybe a month or so ago… the black market for body parts is very profitable. They just lie about them having illness. Usually they wait until they’re already dead and take them from funeral parlors before being cremated, giving the grieving family a pile of random ashes instead. Looks like this guy want them fresh. Creepy creepy CREEPY.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3

          Maybe he’s a grief junkie…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          MandaB permalink

          I would like to nominate “Grief Junkies” for band name of the day. Sure, it would probably be a lousy poser emo band but still… solid name. Then they could get beat up by the Cowboy Junkies.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 3

          I think he wants to paint their toenails while singing “This Little Piggy”.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 3
        kelli permalink

        Maybe he’s trying to make his own zomb

        Adores: 8
      • 2010 August 3
        mudslicker permalink

        I see an installment of Urban Legend II coming out in theatres by Christmas.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          You think it would take them that long to make the movie?

          I think they could put it together in 3 weeks and have it out by the end of August without any discernable reduction in quality from the first movie.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          They’d definitely want to snag the holiday crowd. Nothing says Ho! Ho! Ho! like Santa and slasher movies.

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 3
      Meredith permalink

      They won’t even hide under your car and wait to slash your ankles anymore….sheesh.

      Effort fail, or ingenuity win???

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        At the very least they should hang out at random street corners and stalk women based on the manufacturers of their handbags.

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 3
      tigprincess permalink

      I immediately thought he was after their inheritance / insurance money … but organ donor is also a possibility. After seeing The Lonely Bones last night I’m spooked out.
      Its A Single Man tonight – no sadly not a romantic encounter but a film.
      Reminds me of a joke:-
      old lady – cinemas these days. I had to change my seat four times
      friend – were you being interfered with?
      old lady – eventually !
      *Boom! Boom! … homage to Basil Brush … UK fox puppet*

      Adores: 4
  6. 2010 August 3
    MandaB permalink

    Just curious. How much does “immature, irresponsible breeding machine” make per hour?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 3
      Addicted Reader permalink

      You would get less because you don’t fit the “absent father” criterion. Grampdaddy, as scarring as he may be, is definitely present.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      mudslicker permalink

      Because they’re irresponsible, they’ll either do it for:

      1. Bragging rights in the cafeteria
      2. Free OBO vintage cereals
      3. The price of a bag of weed
      4. The price of a bag of weed

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 3
        Lola permalink

        If they’re super irresponsible and impulsive, there may be
        5. The price of a gram of coke

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Man, a gram of Coke is barely anything at all! A can is about 370-400 grams, depending on the source… So a gram would be just enough to taste, if that. Totally not worth it.

          Oh wait…

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 3
          DietBacon permalink

          But I leave a nice bacony after smell…

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 3
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Hey, DietBacon, I found you on facebook!
          http://www.facebook.com/pages/Diet-Coke-with-Bacon/100772595494

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          DietBacon permalink

          Impostor!

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3

        6. A pack of gum.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      MandaB permalink

      I don’t qualify anyway. I’m only immature, but generally not irresponsible.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      Math time!

      [corey]Let’s say the irresponsible teen is eighteen (doubtful, but that’s the current age of consent), what exactly would the “hourlt” wage be? Let’s say Li’l Momma lives to be seventy eight, that would be sixty years or 21,915 days – a total of 525,960 hours. The federal minimum wage right now is $7.25 which gives us $63,553.50 per year or $3,813,210 for the entire sixty years, not taking into account future raises in the minimum or taxes and whatnot or the sudden demise of Sparky at some point.
      Where would all that money go? If she goes into menopause at fifty, that would be thirty two childbearing years. Say an average of ten months per child, that would be about thirty eight kids, barring twins or triplets. That would be $10,0347.63 per child spread out over those sixty years or about $1,672.46 per child per year or $4.58 per child per day.[/corey]

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 3
        mudslicker permalink

        You lost me at “Let’s say…”

        More coffee slices please….

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Sorry, it’s a slow morning here and I’ve got too much free time on my hands right now.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          LimeLolly permalink

          I started zoning at Math… pass me a slice please?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3

          I followed it easily. But here’s my addition.

          [corey] Age of consent in many states is 16. So add two possible years during which it actually won’t be illegal (unless he’s in Oregon, where it’s 18, and probably a few others). [/corey]

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’m told that there is no age of consent in Alabama, and probably no statutory rape laws either.

          I was told this by an aspiring pedophile that I used to work with. He moved to Alabama within a month of telling me that. I wasn’t terribly disappointed to see him go.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3

          Hmm… *researches*

          [corey] Your former coworker was misinformed. I found the Alabama statute, the age of consent is 16. So, hopefully he ended up in jail based on his mistaken belief. [/corey]

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 3
          Moira permalink

          I was told by a clavin that there was one state where the age of consent was 16 if the girl was a virgin and 14 if she wasn’t.

          *I propose “clavin” as the name of a totally unsubstantiated corey based on hearsay.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’m not really surprised that he was wrong about the laws of Alabama. This guy was 12 of the stupidest people I’d ever met.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          I second the clavin motion.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I thought I was skeeved out to the limit by Taco’s co-worker story, but Moira, that piece of information is really too disturbing to handle.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          Moira permalink

          Sorry ’bout that.

          I could provide you with rationalizations and theories but I will spare us all that pain.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          Moira: “clavin” as in Cliff Clavin of Cheers?

          Cliff Clavin: “It’s a little known fact that smartest animal is a pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner you can eat them.”

          I third that motion!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3

          Taco, I like how he was 12 stupid people all in one. If you tell me that’s a typo, I’ll be sad, I’d like to tell some people they’re 12 of the stupidest people I’ve ever met.

          As for Clavin — I like it!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          It’s not a typo. It was something my father once said of a fellow he knew in college and now I use it whenever I describe somebody profoundly stupid… though I do change up the number depending on how stupid they are.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 3

          Well, I like it. I’ll have to remember it…I encounter a lot of profoundly stupid people.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 3
        EclecticBlue permalink

        SJ: *blinkblink* You sure know how to make it feel like a Monday morning again… 🙂

        Taco: Yeah, my husband had to work with a guy he’s convinced is/was an aspiring pedophile… He (the other guy) wanted to spend all their free time at parks, so he could take pictures of the kinds playing. *squick* *prepares the Bleach Jacuzzi*

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          EclecticBlue permalink

          so he could take pictures of the kinds playing.

          Wow, I just BARELY noticed that I typed “kinds.” Where’s Isaac when you need him??

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 3
        Maureen permalink

        Actually, I think the houlrt in question is the one spent planting seed. “Hourlt for life” means that only hourlts that result in conception will be paid for. Because paying for nonconceptual hourlts would be too close to something illegal, and we wouldn’t want that.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          A Hourlt is like a C.H.U.D. (way differen’t than just your run-of-the-mill chud). Periods are very important in this instance.

          [tongue-in-cheek-Edit]: Astro, if you’re in band camp break, do not under any circumstances look up the word “chud” in the Urban Dictionary.

          Everyone else can just Google their little chuds out.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          That’s chudding awesome!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          OOhhh…btw, nice peppers Taco!

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 4
        moonkicker permalink

        Nice job on the math, sarajean80
        I love it!!

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 3
      Meredith permalink

      I would say 5 Xbox playing hours per day, plus commission for each fertilized egg brought to full term child, payable in Mountain Dew, Cheetos, and Xbox Live Points.

      Sign on bonus of one set of Dane Cook tickets.

      Adores: 6
  7. 2010 August 3
    Addicted Reader permalink

    I honestly more disturbed by the 1st ad. Sure, the 2nd is majorly sketchy, but at least he’s open about what he’s looking for. I can’t figure out what the point of the 1st ad is, and the possibilities scare me.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      The mind (mine at least) tends to drive past the “It’s a loving, caring individual with a strange yet harmless fetish” camp and veer directly towards the “It’s an insurance scam or serial killer” camp.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 3
        TacoMagic permalink

        Two words:
        Human Centipede.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          kelli permalink

          Snuff film.

          *excuse me, I need to go look at rainbows, kittens, and smiling babies for a while.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 3
          Meredith permalink

          I hate you, TM.

          Next on agenda: Human Lincoln Logs.

          For SCIENCE!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3
          SilvaNoir permalink

          WHY WHY WHY do people keep bringing that movie up?! I keep trying to forget I ever saw the trailer. The trailer alone has given me multiple nightmares. I need to go swimming in an entire ocean of brain bleach.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Wouldn’t stacks of males be more like Legos than Lincoln Logs?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 3

          **looks far into the distance** If I squint, I can just barely see the line.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          HamCan would so rather be a Lincoln Log than a Lego.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3

          Tinker toy

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          … or maybe one of those metal erector sets.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3

          I thought that was already established…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          Either way, it’ll certainly have an easy carry handle.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          Kae permalink

          Nooooooooooooooooooo!

          (D**n you. It’s a good thing I’m reading “Driving Miss Daisy” now, so I can get THAT mental image out of my head.)

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3

          Just out from Stephen King, “Driving Miss Daisy to Fargo”

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          If it’s Stephen King it would have to be Driving Miss Daisy to Castle Rock, Maine.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3

          Heeeere’s Miss Daisy Johnny!

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      Litarider permalink

      I’m thinking he wants to start a support group like in Fight Club. Only this way he can exclude Marla.

      No, I’m thinking he’s either a serial killer or an insurance scammer.

      “But I just want to hug you and squeeze you and call you dead.”

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 3
      LimeLolly permalink

      Relax.

      This is obviously a Dr. Kevorkian student looking for more victims patients to sign up so he can complete his clinicals.

      Adores: 5
  8. 2010 August 3

    My biggest question is what is “to syaty?” Is that some sort of slang I don’t know? Could someone define that for me?

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 3

      Seriously, Ama, of all the creepiness this invokes I kept getting stuck on the same thing…

      Maybe it’s because in the worlds of creepy this exists that stands out as incomprehensible and creepy.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3

        I keep imagining it’s some sort of acronym for something. Something that’s common knowledge in the underground world of planting one’s seed in irresponsible immature teens.

        Okay, I think I just creeped myself out.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          CapnMac permalink

          Makes me wonder if some bright person will cobble up a T9 back to English translation engine.

          I suppose one of the anagram paradigms might be used, although filtering gibberish from gibberish would complicate matters.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      Judging by the context, it must be some sort of farming term.

      “I went out to syaty the sheep this morning, and boy am I tired!”

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 3
        Lola permalink

        “I went out to syaty the sheep this morning, and boy am I tired!”

        *throws up in mouth a little bit*

        Thanks, sarajean! 8)

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          That explains why that one sheep was wearing wellies on his back legs.

          Thanks sarajean AND Lola! 😉

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3

          Please remember to properly clean and lubricate your sheep before you syaty them.

          They might not fit into the truck otherwise.

          No, I have no idea what that second sentence could possibly make the first one mean, I just threw it in so that I didn’t just blatantly violate the line as I crossed it.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      Lola permalink

      As someone who typos all too easily, I think it is (per adjacent typewriter keys) “to start.” Although “syaty” just increases the creeperifficness until it’s off the scale.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 3

        :snort, giggle:

        Creeperifficness? I am totally stealing that!

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          Here’s another one I came across last night:

          “Everything I say is pulsating with usefulness.”

          I’m waiting for the opportunity to use it.

          Adores: 6
      • 2010 August 3

        That’s what I think, Lola. I think the left hand index finger just got shifted one over to the right.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          And fixing it would have been just too over the top.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          Run: Proofread
          Processing…
          Error# 40721: Brain not found or too tiny for operation, aborting.

          Post.

          Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 3
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Sauté ?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        And now “baby farm” has an entirely new and creepifying meaning.

        Thank you for that.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          SilvaNoir permalink

          baby back ribs have to come from somewhere, right?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          Yeah, but getting babies with ribs on their back is hard. You need at least 3 generations of cousins marrying.

          Or two of siblings marrying.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Unless there is some genetic tinkering. I’ve seen pictures of ears grown on mice; how hard could it be to add a couple of ribs to a baby?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          mudslicker permalink

          South Park did an episode of the mouse thing…only they grafted Mr. Garrison’s ummmm “erector set” to a mouse—and of course it escaped. Hillarity ensued.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Google found me a photo of the ear-mouse, it looks all bald and wrinkly like a tiny hairless cat.

          But it’s a mouse.

          And there’s a human ear growing out of it’s back.

          Enjoy!

          http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1945000/images/_1949073_mouse_ear300.jpg

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3

          Oh, I saw that on the Science Channel.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3

      Misspelling of satay perhaps? Mmm…babby Thai kabobs!

      Adores: 5
  9. 2010 August 3
    Lou Stool permalink

    If Sparky#2 really wants a baby with a teenager that badly, why doesn’t he just wait outside the stage door at the Maury Povich show? TONS of single teen girls just itchin for some sweet sweet baby-makin action. I just hope he doesn’t wait outside on the “Am I a man or woman?” day, although hilarity would ensue.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 3
      mudslicker permalink

      “Maury….I’ll do what I want!!!”

      Adores: 0
  10. 2010 August 3
    LitaRider permalink

    Jeeze, I’d make the absent father a requirement in ad # two. I mean you don’t want said teen’s father coming around to initiate statutory rape charges or leveling a shot gun at you. In fact, it’s probably a good idea for mom to be absent too.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 3
      Lola permalink

      I was thinking the same thing – it isn’t that they don’t want dad around because they like girls with daddy issues, they just don’t want their sorry @$$ beaten. Doesn’t say anything about protective older brothers, though … hmmm.

      It also occurs to me that ad #2 is in fact NOT some skeevy dude looking to pollute the gene pool, but is in fact just a new attempt at getting teenage girls to have sex – preferably a lot, and unprotected – with him. He is either sterile or has had a vasectomy and knows he won’t be able to knock them up, and won’t have to pay them for getting pregnant, but will “try” to impregnate them for as long as they will let him.
      *dives into Olympic-size brain bleach pool*

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 3
        TacoMagic permalink

        You would think he’d start out with more than an hour once a week though.

        Granted, I’d imaging that after the first meeting the teen in question would end up trapped in his basement living as his 5 to 11 babysitter in the spare, yet nicely furnished room.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          Maureen permalink

          Taco, I’m assuming that weekly is as often as he can get it up. Although it may well be that he’s expecting such a cornucopia of answers to his enticing proposition as to provide him with a harem of desperate lovelies, such that an hour a week is as long as he can spend with any of them. But I like my first explanation better.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 3
        Kae permalink

        Do you think he also will have a line of excuses as long as his arm for why they aren’t getting pregnant…and most of them focus on a) the girl’s marijuana use, b) the girl’s past sexual history and c) needing to have more sex?

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          He probably wouldn’t make them up himself, he’d post an ad and get someone else to do it for him.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        EclecticBlue permalink

        I assumed that the father that was absent was the father of the single teen mother’s other kid(s). Both make sense to me… You wouldn’t want HER father to be around because of the whole bodily-harm aspect, and you wouldn’t want her previous procreative-partners around because of the competition aspect. But…. Really? Really? The whole situation…. Maybe if I soak in the Brain Bleach(TM) long enough, I will regain my faith in humanity.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          Moira permalink

          Preference given to single teen mothers with absent father

          Sounds like he’s looking for a few kids that are already made that he can be a stand-in daddy for in addition to a bevy of irresponsible teen girls who think pregnancy is “fun”.

          To me, this is looking more and more like a build-your-own-commune-cult kit.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 3
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Once again, Moira, I’m creeped out. The idea of Sparky2 starting a cult is too terrible to think about.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        Litarider permalink

        I think Lola is right. And I’m not being swayed by shoulder knees either.

        Clearly Sparky only thinks dads beat/defend against statutory rape/corruption of minors.

        Father figure/father/cult leader/felon. Yep, sounds bout right.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          Clearly Sparky has never met my mother. If such a skeeve started sniffing around one of her kids or grandkids, I would just start looking for a nice quiet place to dig a shallow grave for whatever’s left when she finished with him.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          Moira permalink

          SJ, your mom sounds like the kind of lady described in Flinty Kind of Woman from Dar Williams.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 4
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, there is that tired old adage about
          friends being people who help you move;
          real friends helping move bodies–
          naturally, true-blue friends just bring the backhoe over without asking a lot of questions . . .

          Adores: 3
  11. 2010 August 3
    Is.An.Avatar permalink

    My mind flashes to Soylent Green (first post) and Shirl, an attractive 24-year old “kept woman” (euphemistically known as “furniture”) who comes with the apartment (second post).

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 3
      mudslicker permalink

      Sounds like a re-make of Almodóvar’s Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!

      Adores: 3
  12. 2010 August 3


    It happens to me every night
    Can’t sleep, the Sparkys will eat me
    They always want to take a bite
    Can’t sleep, the Sparkys will eat me
    And if you think this isn’t real
    I’ll show you wounds that never heal
    To them I’m just a happy meal
    Can’t sleep, the Sparkys will eat me

    I never thought I would say this but…Sorry Mr. Coopper.

    the remainder of the lyrics can remain the same.
    http://www.dongrays.com/alice-cooper/song/cscwem

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 3
      TacoMagic permalink

      I would have gone with “Feeding My Frankenstein”. Seems appropriate for the theme of the day.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3

        Clowns are creepier.

        Feed my Frankenstein is my ring tone*

        *This is true

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 3
      mudslicker permalink

      Only Women Bleed….

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 3
        LimeLolly permalink

        WIN!

        Er… maybe shouldn’t have announced that, I guess.

        Adores: 0
  13. 2010 August 3
    LimeLolly permalink

    Pretty sure these are premises of movies.

    The first one is a sequel to ‘Lost Boys’.

    And the second is a prequel to ‘Twilight’.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 August 3
      TacoMagic permalink

      Well I will hand it to Edward Cullin; he may be a creepy stalker, but at least he picks his targets extremely well.

      If you’re gonna stalk somebody hardcore, you pick a target like he did: limited intelligence, pretty and superficial, no idea what the difference between love and destructive infatuation is, and easily tricked with reverse psychology. You get a target like that and you’re on easy street.

      Of course I like more of a challenge.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        The squirrel costume would tend to stand out in an urban setting.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 3
        CapnMac permalink

        If you’re gonna stalk somebody hardcore, you pick a target like he did: limited intelligence, pretty and superficial, no idea what the difference between love and destructive infatuation is, and easily tricked with reverse psychology.

        As was posted the other day on f/b by one my HS classmates, “[J]ust what sort of 109 year old is interested in teenaged girls?”

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          That does make him some sort of uber-pedophile.

          “I’m older than your grandparents – wanna cuddle?” doesn’t seem like it would be a particularly effective pick-up line.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          Nor would,

          “I’m 109 and a virgin. I’ve been saving myself for just the right teenage girl.”

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          Moira permalink

          “[J]ust what sort of 109 year old is interested in teenaged girls?”

          One who has, himself, never grown emotionally or intellectually beyond that point.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          One of the least possible things in a series filled-to-‘sploding with impossible things.

          What normal teenaged boy would wait ninety years to … dip his pen in a girl’s inkwell?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          Moira permalink

          “I’m 109 and a virgin. I’ve been saving myself for just the right teenage girl.”

          The sad thing is, this pick-up line *could* work now, thanks to that series.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          There would have to be some major manscaping, glitter application, and specialty contact lenses involved, though.

          Far easier to wait until the hapless young thing has drunk him handsome.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3
          LimeLolly permalink

          Sparky is only waiting until he’s 30.
          Pretty ingenious actually..

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3

          **Ponders the impact of this discussion on her Buffy obsession**

          Meh. Angel was too moody for me anyway, and Buffy was no longer a teenager by the time she hooked up with Spike. She was also a much more capable teenager than what’s-her-face.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 3

          Best T-shirt ever!

          “And then Buffy staked Edward, THE END!”

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 4
        Windrose permalink

        Taco, that just perfectly described my daughter. Sigh.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 4
        Moira permalink

        I had a Twilight-inspired extremely unpleasant dream last night (not a true nightmare, though). Since I have never read the books or seen the movies, I blame this discussion for putting it into my head.

        (There was also some wizened old female supernatural critter living under Edward Cullen’s bed that was trying to overcome her habit of grabbing people’s ankles and dragging them underneath to consume them. I’m not sure WHERE to place the blame for that part.)

        Adores: 0
  14. 2010 August 3
    Kae permalink

    For some reason, ad number one is conjuring up a truly disturbing news story I remember reading from Germany a few years back where two people with complimentary fetishes hooked up through the want ads and the court system got to decide if they could try someone for cutting off, cooking, and eating someone’s penis if that person WANTED them to do it…

    Ad number two makes me think somebody is trying to start his own apocalyptic cult but knows he lacks charisma.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      That would be Armin Meiwes;

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes

      Second weirdest thing I learned in that article – he’s now a vegetarian.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 3
        LimeLolly permalink

        So his fetish is cured now?

        Must have been replaced with a different prison fetish… blech.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        Kae permalink

        I really shouldn’t have refreshed my memory by reading that. Could someone pass the Brain Bleach, please? Or maybe just a Lobotomy Ice Pick? Thanks.

        Adores: 0
  15. 2010 August 3

    The ads today are for cooking magazines and recipe books…

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Creepy… Mine say that microfinance empowers.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      LimeLolly permalink

      I had an ad for a bicycle??

      Oh the places you’ll go..

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 3

      Mine’s a misspelled ad for solar energy…how apropos

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 3
      Moira permalink

      Kiva and then Microfinance (which are the same thing run by different (?) folks).

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        That’s the one I’m getting, it’s been the same for the past day or two.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        EclecticBlue permalink

        Same here. Silly “public service” ads, they’re too boring…

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      mudslicker permalink

      [creepy corey]: Okay, normally the ads reflect the topics covered in the YSaC ad du jour, however, I just happened to do a Google search for the new 2011 Dodge Challenger at the encouragement of someone here at work *ahem*.

      Well, lo and behold, now the ads on YSaC are coming up with 2011 Chevy Camaro suggestions.

      Google service ads have infiltrated my mind—they’ve skipped the website entirely—and now they are multiplying and spreading. I believe they now comprise a hybrid of a 5th Horseman of the Apocalypse (the bedazzled one). [/creepy corey]

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 3
      MandaB permalink

      Mine says “Date the Wealthy”. I thought I made it clear. I am not qualified for the job of immature, irresponsible breeding machine. I’ve got immaturity covered, but I tend to be slightly more responsible than your average teenager. Also, I haven’t been a teenager in xx years. I don’t care how much Captain MakeMeSomeBabies wants to pay per hour.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 4
      CapnMac permalink

      Had “Date the Wealthy” at first, then back to boring old Kiva, after opening the comments page.

      I’ll presume that the first ad was for social connections, and not lopping bits off to count the rings, or send for Carbon-14 analysis.

      Adores: 2
  16. 2010 August 3

    ANSI males need not apply?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 3
      CapnMac permalink

      Good question. And “which” ISO standard should the male comply with?

      Will the putative ISO male need to show documentation or certification, or will having been on a Not.A.Lion QC team be enough?

      Adores: 0
  17. 2010 August 3
    SteampunkGoogler permalink

    So what is “the fun part of having kids”?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 3
      Moira permalink

      The fun part is all the other irresponsible teens thinking you are hot shit for getting pregnant.

      Different culture, different mores.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        TacoMagic permalink

        Wasn’t there an ABC movie about that? Something like the “Pregnancy Pact” or similar nonsense?

        Because that’s what our high school age kids need. A movie glorifying and romanticizing teen pregnancy. Yes, we’re on our way to a better society already. *Joygasm*

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think there was an episode of Bones like that.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I’m sure there was an episode of South Park like that. Isn’t there always? That and/or Seinfeld.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      Tax deductions?

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 3
        Lola permalink

        Ooooh, party on!*

        *If you’re an accountant.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 3
      TacoMagic permalink

      Embarrassing them with baby photos when their friends are over.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 3
        sarajean80 permalink

        Facebook has taken all the fun out of that. What’s a picture of an innocent child in a bathtub compared to video of the same child, now much older, drunkenly attempting to do a keg stand and breaking three teeth?

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 3

      Giving them up for adoption?

      What?

      Adores: 3
  18. 2010 August 3

    I’ve been trying all day to come up with a somewhat sane reason for ad #1 and I’m drawing a blank. If this was 20-30 years ago, when AIDS/HIV was still a death sentence, I could see this being a completely innocent ad by someone with HIV looking for companionship. However this is 2010, this is Craigslist, and this is YSaC so…yeah, I’ve got nothing, this guy’s a creeper.

    Adores: 0
  19. 2010 August 3
    Addicted Reader permalink

    I am so creeped out by the possible interpretations of today’s ads, I think I’ll stay away until tomorrow.*

    *This is almost definitely not true. I can’t resist you, YSaC.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 3
      sarajean80 permalink

      YSaC is the internet equivalent of chocolate-covered cocaine*.

      *I made that up, I don’t think chocolate-covered cocaine exists. Hopefully.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 3
        EclecticBlue permalink

        Mmmm, chocolate-covered caffeine, sign me up!

        Oh wait, cocaine? Nevermind :-p

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 3
          TacoMagic permalink

          Cocaine is like caffeine on crack!

          Wait… what?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 3
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Chocolate-covered caffeine*?

          My sister swears by these (not necessarily this brand, but this was the first Google hit).

          And yes, I’m back. It’s like the fudge sitting on the table. I keep allowing myself just one more small piece.

          *Why isn’t the I before the E?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 4
          sarajean80 permalink

          Repeat after me;

          “I before E except after C or when sounding like A like in neighbor or weigh.”

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 4
          Addicted Reader permalink

          But there’s no A sound in caffeine!

          Adores: 0
  20. 2010 August 3
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Man, I’ve been so busy planting seeds lately that I haven’t had a chance to comment much.

    What?

    Adores: 4
  21. 2010 August 3
    hourlt permalink

    Will pay hourlt for life? *runs to go find Sparky a willing baby mama* I’ma gunna be RICH!

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 3
      lou stool permalink

      Try the Jersey shore. I spent some lovely summers there. The place is just crawling with “prostitots”, as I like to call ’em.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 4
        mudslicker permalink

        *smacks lou in that swiffer he’s got on his shoulders*

        You got some cadmium red stuck in there Picasso.

        Adores: 1
  22. 2010 August 4
    EclecticBlue permalink

    Off topic, but… Hooray, new avatar! :-p

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 4
      CapnMac permalink

      Not as red as the f/b pic, though {G}

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 4
        EclecticBlue permalink

        True. I made the avatar before I left work (on my way to the salon), so maybe I’ll redden it some more when I get to work tomorrow. It looks redder in the bigger version of the avatar, though :-p

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 4
          Lola permalink

          It’s a nice new look! Likey.

          Adores: 0
  23. 2010 August 4
    Windrose permalink

    Kae, welcome to the Don’t Suck Box! Here’s your card. Or have you been here once before? Anyway, congrats and Punchity punch punch!

    G’Night, Alabama!

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 4
      Kae permalink

      Thank you. I bought myself flowers. And then punched myself. Well, I tried. But I missed.

      Adores: 0
  24. 2010 August 4
    queensbee permalink

    that hits the top of my skeeve-ometer. ewww. yuck. need brain bleeeechy, pleeeeze.

    Adores: 1
  25. 2010 August 5

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    Adores: 0

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