YSaC, Vol. 769: Sonnet DXXLXIX

2010 August 25

outdoor table – small round – $20


round, small, outdoor table, tall, brown. Wrought iron frame. in good condition.

Cash only, $20.

off of 183 and Oak Knoll.

How did thee fail me? Let me count the ways.
Your table listed in condition good
Described it as a species of brown wood
In round of shape and tall upon a gaze.

An outdoor table does the interest raise
With iron wrought the weather withstand should
And with a tithe of cash alone it would
Exchange to hands from off the fine freeway.

I weep for issues with the whole affair
What should be brown and round is square and black
And photos show it clear inside a lair

The lack of iron sets my heart aback
For thee on Craigslist do I thus despair
The pictures show what Sparky’s reports lack.

[With apologies to everyone who has written a sonnet, anywhere, ever ... but especially to Elizabeth Barrett Browning.]

279 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 August 25
    Adranth permalink

    Is the middle part of the table glassed-in or is there a weird time-space continuum thing going on with the table?

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 25
      sarajean80 permalink

      Are you referring to those weird shadow-things by the legs? What are those? It looks like the table moved slightly when Sparky was taking the picture.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 25
        Adranth permalink

        He must have snapped the picture when the table was walking inside.

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Adranth, you’re an awesome lion!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          Adranth permalink

          I think you’re an awesome Enchilada, Mr. Taco, sir!

          Adores: 6
      • 2010 August 25
        EclecticBlue permalink

        I figured it out! It’s the flash on the camera! :-D

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          But the floor shadow is to the right and the leg shadow-things are to the left. They don’t match up.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          Lola permalink

          She didn’t say it was the flash working correctly … 8) just that it was the flash.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think it’s a conspiracy; the table shot JR.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I don’t think that table was originally in that picture. If we use anamorphic satellite video editing technology, we can remove the false image of the table and reconstruct the original image using an algorithmic image processing algorithm.

          *Runs the image through his magical software*

          See! It’s really a picture of a Misjay! But wait!

          *Runs the new image through the software*

          Aha! It’s a life size Bea Aurthur cutout! That sneaky poster almost had us buying it!

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          The Redundant Department of Redundancy is on line four for you, TM.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          It was an intentional jab at some of the software descriptions you get when they’re doing impossible image reconstruction in Hollywood.

          One of my continuing favorites is: “It’s a software program… (technobabble)”

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Ah, that “image enhancing graphics software program”?

          “Write what you know” proves screen writers do not know much more than CL posters.

          But, I’ve never had much luck with image enhancing text programs–though, one might be wanted for ‘descriptive text captioning’ programs.

          Like, “Scene pans to outdoor iron table” is improved to “Sparky swiveled the camera, just then realizing the carpet was a horrifying rust color, so when he snapped the photo of the cheap aluminum end table, not only did the have a twitch, the thought of rust engaged his ferrophillia complusion so overwhelmingly, all he could think of, all he could express, was couched in his unnatural desires for cast iron. Once again, this would lead to Sparky’s downfall.”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          SilvaNoir permalink

          If CSI has taught me anything, it’s that you can endlessly zoom in on a picture and get a perfectly clear image. Even from a convenience store security camera to zoom in on a suspect’s reflection on a spoon on a counter.

          Also, women always put on their best makeup, jewelry, and heels to go inspect a dead body in a dumpster.

          TV wouldn’t lie.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          What is truly remarkable is that you can zoom in on a picture with crappy resolution and it *clears up* as you zoom in!

          Tangentially related, Bones is rapidly becoming the TV show I love to hate. The hubby and I just finished watching season 4 and he picked up season 5 on DVD and I shudder to think what new offences against common sense and reality will be committed. Also, Stephen Fry was awesome and the kid they got to become the “psychiatrist” on the “team” should be marooned on a tropical island for a few years to grow up and become less of a pasty-faced squishball.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          tacomagic permalink

          My wife and I mourned the loss of Stephen fry from the show, no idea why they got rid of him as he was one of the only reasons worth watching it for (well in my perspective anyway). I could listen to him talk all day.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Lola permalink

          Stephen Fry makes everything better.*

          *This may not actually be true, but if it isn’t, don’t tell me.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Gonna give EB a bunch of doors for this one, ‘cuz she’s right about the flash. [corey] The dark shadow to the right of the table is probably due to a bright light source just out of the left side of the photo. (Think large window or patio door.) The shadow to the left of the legs is due to the camera flash. The shadow is not as strong as the one caused by the main light, and the light from the flash is not strong enough to overcome the shadow from the bright source. [/corey]

          In other words, the photographer futzed the lighting up in the picture….

          SaraJean is right also – the table shot JR!

          Adores: 3
  2. 2010 August 25
    EclecticBlue permalink

    Cat geometry? (Dang, I thought for sure I was here early enough for the first post!)

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 25
      Adranth permalink

      I, uh, have no life. And by that I definitely do not mean to imply that I was refreshing YSaC for half an hour before it was updated with today’s post. Because I wasn’t. Yeah.

      Adores: 14
      • 2010 August 25

        No worries, I wasn’t waiting either ;)

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          Meredith permalink

          Me too, I mean neither. Yeah, me neither.

          Adores: 8
      • 2010 August 25
        sarajean80 permalink

        Yeah, I’ve never done that.*

        *Should be read with a metric ton of sarcasm.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25

          Oh certainly, none of us ever do that…nope..no way, nosireebob…

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I certainly would never stoop to that!

          *Click*

          *Sigh*

          *Click*

          *Sigh*

          *Click*

          *Click*

          *Sigh*

          Adores: 14
      • 2010 August 25
        Lola permalink

        No, no, not guilty of that at all. 8)

        … So, who wants coffee?

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 25
          kelli permalink

          I’ve never ever done that. I’m quite shocked that anyone would.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          Windrose permalink

          Two slices, please, Lola. I can honestly say that today I was not anxiously waiting for the update, and nervously looking at the clock to see if I had time for one more refresh before going off to my gainful employment. Nope, not today. Cause it’s my regular day off. My last one, due to operational necessity. Gosh, I hate that phrase.

          Anyone like some banananana cup cakes with your coffee?

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          Meredith permalink

          Wanna lemon bar with that?

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 25
        EclecticBlue permalink

        I think I have a good excuse… I was up at 7am to work out…. I need me energy powder :-)

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          Meredith permalink

          I’m already at work by 7, so 9 am feels “late” to me. When I’m home and still in jammies at 10, I feel like a failure. Not that there’s anything to do even when I’m dressed, but still.

          I know the post shows up at 9*, but that doesn’t stop me from checking at 7:10, and 7:45, and 8, and 8:03, and 8:05, and…well, you get the picture.

          *Eastern Standard time, US.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25

          Shoot…I got y’all beat…I’m UP every morning at 3:30 CST, and at work by 5:30-6:00….every.single.weekday.

          By 9:00 a.m. I’m like the Army ad says, I’ve done more than most people do all day.

          And, it’s not like I go to bed every night at 7:30…nooooo….

          Is it any wonder I require mass quantities of caffeine?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          need me energy powder

          Case in point.

          9 am EDT is 7 am for me… I used to get up at 8:20 to leave the house (with a husband and a baby) at 8:40. But since I started working out, I have seen “7:00 am” on my clock a loooot more than I’m used to. So, I check in really quick, and then again when I’m done, and when I get to work the real snark begins :-p

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          It seems like EVERYONE is typing like me this morning.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Nerp de derp de der. I actually went back and corrected a lot more typos on that post before I hit submit. It’s evidence of my mental state that I edited, and STILL left one.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I do that all the time too. Most of my posts get edited 2 or 3 times, and I still miss a lot.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          Mindfield permalink

          So … so … I’m not the only one who doesn’t do that? I don’t feel so alone anymore.

          *sniff*
          *click*

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, if a person is insomniac, they get can pollute the fora with tedious drivel.
          Like a tunne is a cask of about 100 cubic feet, or about 20 barrels.
          Or, so I’m told.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          SilvaNoir permalink

          And I have CJ beat… I’m up at 2 to get to work by 3:30 AM.
          But I’m usually home before 10 (am)
          I figure since I’m not a morning person, I might as well work those hours and then have the afternoon for free time/ working on art.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Cool, thought this was about to devolve into the Monty Pythou geezers’ sketch where eventually every one grew up and the woke up before the went to bed, and did not even had a hole next to the raod to live in, as they were still building the road while fending of mastadons and the like.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I lived in a paper bag at the bottom of a lake! And every day when we got home our parents would kill us and dance on our graves.

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 25

      Cat geometry? (Dang, I thought for sure I was here early enough for the first post!)

      I worked this out with my catualtor and the answer is always the same….

      Pie are square!

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 August 25

        So the table is a pie? Let me get a fork. Mmm oaky.

        Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 25
        EclecticBlue permalink

        CAT geometry?

        Also, mathcats.com makes my eyes bleed.

        Adores: 5
  3. 2010 August 25

    Can I give an adore to the Llamanun for her Don’t Suck Box worthy poetry?

    Adores: 17
    • 2010 August 25

      Great, except for the egregious grammar error in the first line that convinces me once and for all that drmk isn’t an English prof.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 25
        TacoMagic permalink

        Awesome! We’ve narrored it down to no less than 143 possible topics!

        Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 25

        It’s supposed to be a takeoff of “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways”. If I’d changed it too much, it wouldn’t have been immediately recognizable.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25

          That’s no defense for using an objective-case pronoun as the subject of your sentence.

          It makes you sound like Bizarro Ben Jonson or something. You might just as well have said “HOW DID HIM FAIL ME?”

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Well… how did him fail you?

          Don’t leave I hanging like this Isaac! Myself needs to know!

          *Walks quickly out of Isaac’s blast range.*

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 August 25

          Isaac: pfffft.

          Adores: 23
        • 2010 August 25
          Whirlwitch permalink

          Him was English prof. Isaac was left wondering how him failed he, for surely correctly grammar Isaac used always.

          And what was “excessive pedantry” supposed to mean, anyways?

          [Supposed to be under Taco's comment.]

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          Lola permalink

          Elebenty adores for the mental image of the Llama-Nun going “Pffft!”

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          MandaB permalink

          I am reminded of the immortal words of Ralph Wiggum.

          “Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 August 25

          That’s right folks, step right up! Get your tickets to the showdown of the century! It’s Llamanun vs Pedanticles[sic]! Who will reign supreme?
          Tickets are $5 each or two for $20 (also accepting cash only barters or vintage [ERROR: ITEM NOT FOUND].

          Adores: 15
        • 2010 August 25
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Christina – will you take obo’s?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25

          We talkin’ firm obos here?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I don’t have any vintage [ERROR: ITEM NOT FOUND]s, but I have a couple [ERROR: MOVIE NOT FOUND]s on VHS that I picked up at a yard sale last weekend. VHS is kinda vintage now, right? :-)

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Are those, ahem, “used” firm obo’s ?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          My firm obo’s ripened, they are semi-soft now.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25

          My sentence no verb.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25

          It’s a pet peeve of mine.

          If you’ve read a Shakespeare play or dabbled in the King James translation of the bible, a sentence like “thee has a bubo on your oboe” ought to sound wrong, both in the pronoun and in the verb.

          The archaic nominative form has to be thou, and the second-person archaic pronouns are going to want second-person archaic conjugations, like “hast” and “didst.”

          If you’re going to pfffft me, think what all our Sparkies would pfffft as we scrutinize their spelling, capitalization, and geometry.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25

          Isaac: pfffft.

          The need for context (i.e., the ability to immediately recognize the parody on EBB) trumps your pet peeve.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25

          But his pet peeve just had kits, and you wouldn’t want to put the infant peeves’ mother out on the street while they’re still nursing!

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 26
          Moira permalink

          Isaac, I entirely sympathize with the twich you get when second-person singular forms are abused. There are games and movies galore that just make me want to visit the creators with a flame-thrower and a nice chart of conjugations and diagrams of proper pronoun usage.

          That said, the poetry was inspiring and so I am pleased to overlook a slip (though I did mentally re-write it).

          Also,
          A “pffffft-ing” llama is awesome!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 28
          Wolfgang permalink

          Like the sonnet. I think people would still get the shakespearean reference even with the correct “thou” for “thee,” though.

          Also, I know I’m late getting to this post, but isn’t the roman numeral incorrect in the sonnet title? I think the first two “X”s are probably meant to be “C”s – as written it’s not a Roman number. Unless there’s some joke in there I’m missing.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 25
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Seconded.

      Adores: 3
  4. 2010 August 25
    Meredith permalink

    I don’t know that I have ever been so impressed by a post. That poetry…words fail me.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 25
      Lola permalink

      Words, or the correct ones at least, fail the original poster, too.

      Adores: 6
  5. 2010 August 25
    TacoMagic permalink

    And better yet it converts directly into a Haiku!

    round, small, outdoor tab
    le, tall, brown. Wrought iron frame. in
    good condition. Cash

    See, perfect!

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 August 25
      EclecticBlue permalink

      We may have had this discussion here before, but do you say “EYE-urn” or “airn”? Because I say the former, so that threw me off even more :-p Other than that, you’re right, it’s perfectly haikuabled!

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 25
        TacoMagic permalink

        Airn in these parts. I think I’ve been here too long, as it used to be I-ron for me *cry*.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          It’s ok. I spent too much time in upstate NY (with Mudsy and drmk, apparently) and I still say “baaah-gl” instead of “bay-gl.” (And sometimes it’s “I’m going to get the mahl.” instead of “I’m going to get the mail.”) Silly Raahchester.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25

          It’s always been Ra-cha-cha to me.
          *psst-it was Manda, not mudsy. And me, Grampdaddy and I think Addicted Reader and Lola gets a techical for schooling in Albany. Did I miss anyone?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I had some friends who say Ra-cha-cha. I think they’re silly :-p

          Also, I could have sworn it was Mudsy who lived in Webster, and had a brain fart about it being west of Rochester instead of east. But my google-fu is failing, and I can’t find any of the places I KNOW were mentioned in the conversation. Ah well…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          MandaB permalink

          Nope. That was me (and obviously Grampdaddy), growing up in Webster , on the western east side of the Roc.;) Or Ra-cha-cha. We call it that too.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25
          mudslicker permalink

          Couldn’t have been me. I never have brain farts. My cerebellum is completely free of air biscuits.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Wow, apparently I’m having one of those days. Sorry for the slander, Mudsy (about having a brain fat, not about living in Rochester ;-) )

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          LimeLolly permalink

          According to my son, there’s three ways to pass gas: toots, poots and farts.

          Farts are stinky
          Toots are all noise, no stink
          Poots are noisy with a surprise left in your underwear.

          These are the things he learns at school. How wonderful is public education?

          (edit: stuck this on the wrong gaseous thread… sorry)

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          brain fat

          *brain fart

          Can I just go back to bed, and call redos for later? Also, I’m just going to go ahead and blame everything on the ghetto, sticky-keyed Mac keyboard I have to use. That’s what I get for spilling my caffeine in my nice one… -_-

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh, it’s all good.

          I slandered libeled LimeLolly the other day by anticipating that she’d have a shit fit because Gramps and I had crossed the line so early in the day.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          LurkRealClose permalink

          I would like an honorable mention, as my father grew up in Greece, out Ridge Road towards Spencerport, and across the bay from Webster. And I know and love Wegmans.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Meanwhile, down in Charlotte we went to “Abbott’s” for custard, and then headed off to Chili….

          (There, let those non-Rochesterians try to figure out how to say that!)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          Ok, curiosity time!
          Take the quiz and go post your results in the Forums.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Oh, I miss Wegmans so much… Maceys is nice, but Wegmans rocked my world. Especially the Pittsford Wegmans, with all those rich people out there…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I am very definitely NOT from upstate NY. I’m from the part of NY that is really suburbs on NYC, but is called upstate by the snobs to the south and east. But there are no cows.

          I looked at going to college at Albany, but didn’t. I went to Brandeis, in Boston. I also looked at Cornell, but suicide rate aside, I just didn’t want to deal w/ that much snow.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Lola permalink

          AR, when people think anything north of Yonkers is “upstate,” I get a little cross, having actually lived upstate (but not even North Country). Of course, Sing Sing is considered upstate (e.g. “gettin’ sent upstate”), and Ossining is in Westchester, so it’s hard to argue against it. But to me, the idea that anything north of the Bronx borough line is upstate is, well, myopic.
          /geography rant*

          *not really a corey or matt, I don’t think

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I agree, Lola. I used to live in Philadelphia, NY (next to Fort Drum, about 25 minutes north of Watertown) and THAT is upstate.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25

          I grew up two miles from the PA* border and I’m from upstate. Of course, by now Bronx is probably upstate.
          Grampdaddy: You already gave Chili away in a previous post. I know Charlotte is shar-LOT. I’ll add Medina to the list of odd pronounciations.
          *we never said Pennsylvania either, just pee-ay.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Addicted Reader permalink

          In my defintion, Upstate:

          -does not have a high density of residents who commute to Manhattan.

          -has cows.

          -has multiple radio stations that play only country.

          -has a low density of Jews. (Same probably holds true for most non-Christian or non-European-ancestry groups.)

          -votes Republican in national elections.

          -is a city surrounded by this type of area.

          I grew up in Rockland County, NY. Here’s the conversation b/w me and the average “north of the Bronx is Upstate” idiot:

          Me: You know where Westchester is?
          Idiot: Yeah.
          Me: You know the Hudson River?
          Idiot: Yeah.
          Me: You’ve heard of the Tappan Zee Bridge, that crosses the Hudson from Westchester?
          Idiot: Yeah…
          Me: Do you know what’s on the other side?
          Idiot: ::blank look::
          Me: That’s Rockland, and it’s not Upstate.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25

          Well my area had cows (about 15 miles outside of town), the ratio of Catholic to Jewish was 50/50, politically VERY democratic (huge Italian and Irish area), and we had one radio station that played country (NYC had several last time I was there). I’m not trying to pick a fight, I simply think the term “Upstate NY” is silly because “up” is not a term I’ve seen on a map. Besides, to the other states, we’re all New Yorkers, and that means we are mean, unstable and bad drivers ;)

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        CapnMac permalink

        In my neck of the woods, structural steel is “ARN,” specifically “Raid ARN” (for the color of the galvinitic paint coating usually applied at the steel manufactory; but also ecompasses structural steel in zinc oxide coating, which is a pale yellow-green to sage color).

        The golf club, though is often an “EYE-ron” (when not referred to simply numerically).

        Adores: 2
  6. 2010 August 25

    Square, black top with silver legged table was sick..sick and tired of small round outdoor brown table getting all the attention.

    It had started innocently enough when round had been bought at the fancy furniture store after square’s owner finally finished college and landed a decent job.

    But then…slowly, subtly, things began to change.

    At parties, the guests were always using round for drinks and canapes, remarking on round’s glowing brown-ness. Eventually, square table was relegated to the bathroom-of all places! There square sat in the corner, covered in towels and magazines, suffering in silence and darkness. It’s no wonder square snapped.

    What was wrong with putting a drink on a square table? Why didn’t anyone like square any more? What had square done?

    Day by miserable day square waited for an opportunity to get rid of the smug round table.

    And then, one day, her owner set her in the middle of the living room floor, and after giving her a swipe with the ratty dishtowel, her picture was taken.

    Later, left in the middle of the room, square table could observe her owner at the computer…she was typing something. Square could tell it was a classified ad for…for…oh NO!! It was for HER! Owner was selling beautiful square table!

    This could not be! Hadn’t she been there, since the 70′s, never complaining about the rings left behind by wet beer bottles? Or the Cheetos smashed into her surface? How about the time owner’s boyfriend sat on square? Hadn’t she stood up to it all with grace and dignity?

    And now…this…the ultimate betrayal…

    Square fumed…and as the owner’s cell phone rang in the bedroom and she went to answer it, square saw her chance….

    Adores: 26
    • 2010 August 25
      Lola permalink

      Square isn’t wrought iron, she’s overwrought iron …

      Adores: 23
      • 2010 August 25
        Grampdaddy permalink

        and undernourished…

        Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 25
      TacoMagic permalink

      It’s like a darker version of Brave Little Toaster, with the same devastating impact on obsessive hoarders.

      Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 25

      That is wonderful.

      If drmk ever gets a book deal*, she ought to have a couple chapters just of the poetry and prose we all compose here.

      *Oddly enough, I think the lack of this may be because YSaC is unique in the way the commentry is something of its heart and soul, and it would be difficult to translate everything into a book.

      Adores: 5
  7. 2010 August 25
    Lou Stool permalink

    You people should be ashamed of yourselves. This is clearly a case of the poster accidentally uploading the wrong picture. Every time I come here, everyone is so filled of *interruption* hold on a minute…….*mumbling in the background*………. Who’s Matt?

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 August 25
      Adranth permalink

      My brother?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 25

        I have a brother named Matt too. OMG! Andranth, I’m your sister! :p

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 25
      Windrose permalink

      I think you forgot these, Lou: (/matt) (matt/) Er, no, wait, that’s not right. I’ll ask Astro.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Astro’s been taken back to CHS prison with the rest of the escapees.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25

          My first two classes are in the 2000 Building Prison Tower.

          Also, the Thilmanator Big Brother is watching us.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 25

      Dave’s not here.

      Adores: 6
  8. 2010 August 25
    kelli permalink

    Squares are round now? Things sure have changed since my day.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 25
      Adranth permalink

      I’m curious to see what it was like in Gramps’ day, then…

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 25
        TacoMagic permalink

        In Gramp’s day they didn’t have shapes! Everything was an amorphous gas. And they were thankful that they were gaseous.

        Adores: 13
        • 2010 August 25
          mudslicker permalink

          And everybody got to play Lava Floor — for real!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25

          I don’t think everyone was thankful he was gaseous.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 25

          We could ask Manda if he’s still gaseous.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          MandaB permalink

          Yes he is. And no, we’re not thankful.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I knew I could count on your guys to take things in this direction. :)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25

          C’mon you guys, CJSC!* ewwwwwwwwww!

          *Clothespin Jeebus Spice Christ

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          Spice Christ may have been why everything was so gaseous.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          MandaB permalink

          There was an exhibit at the natural science museum, When Spice Christ Tacowind Roamed the Earth

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          So that’s what killed the radio star the dinosaurs!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          mudslicker permalink

          That’s WWCJSCD*

          *What Would Clothespin Jeebus Spice Christ Do

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          MandaB permalink

          Spice Christ, Tacowind, & Fire – Irregular Fractal’s Earth, Wind, & Fire cover band OR tragic chain of events? You be the judge.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 August 25
          LurkRealClose permalink

          IF’s cover bands are one of my most favorite parts of YSaC. Thank you, Manda, for adding another one.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Grampdaddy permalink

          But only if you were upwind. Downwind from the amorphous gasses was not a good place to be. And we had to make them ourselves – oh, wait, let’s not go there…..

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Spice Christ, Tacowind, & Fire – Irregular Fractal’s Earth, Wind, & Fire

          Your powers combined I am Captain Assplode!

          *PFFTKERBLORT!*

          Oh Gods, why?! It’s everywhere!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Is it “full of stars”?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25

          **you see a TV screen materialize in the Snark Lounge. On it is what looks to be a Filmation show featuring TacoWind and Spice Christ.**

          Spice Christ and TacoWind: TacoWind and Spice Christ UNITE!

          Spice Christ: Shape of… A Square Table!

          **turns into circular table**

          TacoWind: Form of… An Enchilada!

          **turns into CapnMac**

          Adores: 6
  9. 2010 August 25
    Not My Name permalink

    Due to the fact that people don’t seem to be able to type or describe what they are actually selling, I have come to the conclusion that humanity is doomed.

    Sorry about the boring comment, I just had to say it.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 25

      But isn’t it a lovely day for it? The sun is shining, the clouds are white, and the birds are starting to turn brown and fall out of the trees. Yessiree, a beautiful day.

      Adores: 16
      • 2010 August 25
        CapnMac permalink

        Hey, after a week or so of 99-107º highs, it cooled down to 95º today–practically a cold front.
        Not that it has rained since June, other than in hit-or-miss fashion. So, all the grass is a lovely khaki color, the tree leaves are wilted. Any drier and the animal shelter is going to run of flea powder for the fish.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I almost wish it was that hot here. If it was, my car would have gone into gear this morning and I could have gotten MrEB to work on time -_- When it gets down to the 50s or so at night, the car gets grouchy in the mornings…

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 25
      Lola permalink

      “Humanity is doomed” is one of the tags here. Drmk didn’t use it in this case, but we have definitely see prior evidence.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 25
      Windrose permalink

      NMN, we’re all about honesty here*, and letting our feelings out. Don’t be afraid, you are among virtual friends!

      *except on Wednesdays, and days that end in a y.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 25
        abwh permalink

        Or begin with a y, as well.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          Or containing the letter a.

          Except for alternate Thursdays in months beginning on a Friday; that’s when we play Blernsball.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          And weekends and holidays and all throughout May.

          And you’ll always be wrong no matter what you say!

          (That’s a hard rule…)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25

          “Except for alternate Thursdays in months beginning on a Friday; that’s when we play Blernsball”

          …except at night, when we play Fizzbinn.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          Not My Name permalink

          Fizzbinn? Blernsball? Yeah, judging by those two games, you all are even further signs that humanity is doomed. Also, I only play Fizzball.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          MandaB permalink

          I only play Calvinball.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          You just entered the spin zone, Manda, start spinning!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          NMN, we are inordinately fond of obscure pop references. I don’t think I have heard of Blernball but Fizzbin sounds like something from MASH. I belive that it was played by Hawkeye and BJ with bits of incomplete games they happened to have around.

          Edit: Damn, I got it wrong. It was Star Trek.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I played Parrises Squares when I got the chance. But I had to stop, my doctor told me I couldn’t play like I was 21 anymore and she couldn’t heal a broken neck.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          Blernsball is from Futurama, it’s the baseball of the future with incomprehensible rules. I believe bungee cords, pies, and a scooter are involved at some point.

          Actually sounds like a lot of fun.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          And the game Hawkeye plays with BJ is Double Cranko.

          Hawkeye actually plays this with BJ, in the Season 6 episode, ‘Your Hit Parade’. Hawkeye tells Radar, “Bishops are worth three jacks, checkers are wild, and you have to be 21 or over to open,” and Radar declines to play because, “Whenever I lose, I always like to know why.”

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25

          Don’t forget opposite day, which falls ever January the 12th, but only if the first day on the month was a Wodin’sday and it was snowing in Cape Hatteras.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 26

          Moira – YEAH!!! I was sooooooo concerned no one would get my extremely obscure reference of the greatest sci-fi show of all time. OF ALL TIME!

          Adores: 1
  10. 2010 August 25
    LimeLolly permalink

    When testing for Kindergarten, my son correctly identified all the shapes and colors put before him. At what point after high school do people forget the basics? Because, I think I’m just going to have my son in school for the rest of his life….

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 August 25
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      I think that has something to do with the dominate stupid gene. It seems to surface sometime around puberty. Some people overcome it and some don’t.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 25
        sarajean80 permalink

        Still others exploit it for a career in the entertainment industry.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Or being a disk jockey or news caster.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          Isn’t newscaster one word? Spelled that way it looks like a game character.

          Carlos the Dwarf Casts – News – on Ricardo the Elf

          Ricardo – “Ahhh! Can’t…stop…chattering…inanely… with attractive blonde! Must … bleach…teeth!” :runs away:

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Yes it is. But spell check didn’t call me on it.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Not My Name permalink

          SaraJean, it seems like you have discovered the new class in WoW.

          Yes, I play WoW. Please don’t mock me. I can quit whenever I want.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          You want shame? I played UO for 6 years.

          To be fair, though, it’s just WoW with crappy graphics and death penalties.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          LotRO… You’re among friends.
          I tried WoW but it was too Disneyish for me.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Oh wow (NPI) a new way to rate local newscasts–roll for HP of inanity.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          You want real shame? I play…:sob: Farmville.

          Stupid adorable cows…

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I now feel really good about all my spelling and grammar mistakes. Thanks SJ!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25

          I still occasionally log on to Mafia Wars.

          I used to play RuneScape.

          The most embarrassing?

          Until 9th Grade, I regularly played Club Penguin.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Not My Name permalink

          I may degrade myself enough to play WoW, but I have never ( and probably never will) played Farmville. Then again, that may be because I don’t belong to Facebook…..or Myspace….or even Twitter. Wow, I bet I’m the only person in my generation in the United States who doesn’t belong to those sites. Oops, I’m rambling. Sorry.

          Adores: 1
  11. 2010 August 25
    Windrose permalink

    Mindfield! Here, boy! *whistles* Come on, Mindfield, get in the box! There’s a good smiling doggie.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 25

      The dog is in the box? This isn’t going to end up like that poor kitty that Schroedinger had, is it?

      *Congrats Mindfield, your ninja adventure was epic*

      Adores: 9
    • 2010 August 25

      Try putting a treat in the box, it works every time :)

      Adores: 2
  12. 2010 August 25
    Meredith permalink

    All I can think is:

    Tables of round
    abound
    abound
    But this isn’t one of them.

    What would we call this? It’s not exactly poetry. Is it considered prose?

    I consider it a highly annoying earworm that won’t let me work in peace.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 25

      “Two by two,
      Hands of blue.”

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 August 25
        LurkRealClose permalink

        Oh, no, they’re not after us, are they?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25

          Malaguena has been my earworm for the past week.

          I was hoping arranging it would help, but it’s not.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 25

      If I can slip into my pedant garb for just a second, I’ll field your question seriously, Meredith.

      It’s definitely not prose. The medium of prose is one in which sentences form paragraphs and aren’t broken by the author’s own line breaks. The medium of verse is the one you’re writing in.

      Not every specimen of verse is poetry. Songs, for example, aren’t poems, but they’re written in verse.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 25
        Meredith permalink

        Oh, Issac, you just made me feel so much better about myself.

        There is a person close to me who has felt the need, for Lord knows what reason, to make me feel as though I am a complete imbecile who was raised by other, more neurotic, imbeciles. I wrote something recently and said it was “simply verse” and he proceeded to correct me, saying that it must be a KIND of verse. Being already broken down from many years of this correction, I simply chalked it up to one more example of my inferior education which ,up until I met him, I had thought was more than adequate.

        But I AM RIGHT! I do write in verse, plain and simple. Next time he smiles at me like I’m too stupid to know better, I will send him to you, dear Isaac.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Don’t forget to sell tickets to that grudge match. I’d totally buy one.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’ll make the popcorn!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          I’ll bring brownies but only if I am allowed to taunt him mercilessly after you and Issac are done with him.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Hey, I know a couple ‘boys who claim they can geld anything alive–want I should send tem along? Might be as fun as mixed-martial pedantery

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25

          MMP?

          **pictures Mixed Martial Pedantry**

          **here’s how it goes:

          ISAAC throws a swift right parenthesis! DRMK dodges, and hits him with an Oxford Comma! ISAAC is hit, but counters with a semicolon! Oh, the huge manatee!

          **

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 25

        If I can slip into my pedant garb for just a second

        Are they colored undies like what superheroes wear?

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 25
      sarajean80 permalink

      It has a good beat and you can obsessively paint your toenail collection dance to it.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 25
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Thanks for the visual reminder.

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25

        While you paint them*, you really out to sing:

        This little piggy went to Craigslist…
        This little piggy stayed home…
        This little piggy got french tips**…
        This little piggy got clear coat**…
        And this little piggy was up for rent all the way home!

        *Regardless of what you type, I will always picture it not as a collection of toenails, but as one of severed toes.
        **No idea what these terms mean, so corey away if you feel the need.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25

          Well since you asked…
          [corey] Clear coat is the finish that is added after paint has been applied to an automobile. It’s what makes the car shiny and what allows one to buff out light scratches with a mild solvent. Back in Grampdaddy’s days clear coat was an option where as now all cars have it. This is why you may see an older car with a matte finish, no clear coat.[/corey]
          I believe you were looking for top coat, which is a clear nail polish that is applied to painted nails for added durability, or to bare nails for shine. :)

          Adores: 2
  13. 2010 August 25
    Windrose permalink

    Sparky did get one part correct. The table is round. The legs, at least, are cylindrical. So it’s not a total failure.

    Wonder what Sparky was drinking when he (and we always seem to think it’s a he) posted this?

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 25

      Drano?

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 25
        sarajean80 permalink

        This seems more like the visual hallucinations you would get from gasoline.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Or pure Mercury.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        CapnMac permalink

        Leave the late Fredie out of this.

        Especially when it’s obvious that Sparq lubs his Sterno™

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Capn, you type the prettiest incoherence I ever dun read.

          Adores: 5
  14. 2010 August 25

    If I connected this to my stereo would I get squaround sound?

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 August 25
      LimeLolly permalink

      Surrond wrap sound

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 August 25
        Kae permalink

        With a creamy Summoner center.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Would it be sugary? Because then the hummingbirds would be all over that.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25
          Kae permalink

          Yeah. That would be good.

          Adores: 1
  15. 2010 August 25
    Kae permalink

    And now the round table knows that Sparky was cheating on her with a square table…

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 25
      sarajean80 permalink

      What, you’ve never felt like a round peg in a square hole?

      (Could that count as line-crossing?)

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 August 25
        CapnMac permalink

        I thought the “squares” were the ones who did not go around sampling, err, “pegs”?

        Adores: 1
  16. 2010 August 25


    Amazing disgrace, how small and brown,
    Posted by a wretch named Sparky.
    It once was square but now its round.
    Was he blind, that Sparky.

    Adores: 7
  17. 2010 August 25
    Camille permalink

    Hey, if octagons can have six sides on Craigslist, then it seems perfectly reasonable to me that circles can have four.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 25

      Maybe it’s an oval. Because oval would make more sense. I don’t know why it would make more sense, just trust me on this.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 25
      CapnMac permalink

      “SparKay!SparKay!SparKay! Meeting in the ish Fairgrounds squared circle, Cast iron and Aluminum! Act Now! Tix going Fast! SparKay!SparKay!SparKay!”

      Adores: 0
  18. 2010 August 25
    TacoMagic permalink

    I’m feeling a little Gordon Lightfoot this morning.

    Now gather round and hear the tale of a table so brown:

    The legend lives on of the wood table so brown
    And of the roundness they did square and fool me
    The table, it is said, never was very red
    When twas built out of kit for my TV.

    With wrought iron frame – not evident the aim
    Of a builder who’s more fond of plastic
    To build tubes so plain and to paint them the same
    And then top with brown wood so fantastic

    ‘Cause brown wood was black as a vampire bat
    So as not to give away its true colors
    And round was the square shape it had was that
    It couldn’t be one or twould be duller

    So now our tale ends the table for sale
    And the seller who should have been fettered
    Both shapes and wood, and two colors it failed
    To sell on Craiglist to those who knew better.

    My appologize to Gordon Lightfoot and his “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 August 25

      No, it’s Gordon who should apologize…well, to everyone for that excruciatingly long nasal discharge song.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 25
        TacoMagic permalink

        Hey now! It takes real talent to sing a 20 minute song through your nose!

        Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 25
        Windrose permalink

        Watch it, you might be insulting a GL fan who really really really loves that song, and remembers when the Edmund Fitzgerald sank. Maybe.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’m a closet Gordon fan.

          I guess it’s a glass closet now.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Gee TM, I guess that is probably true since you said you were “feeling a little Gordon Lightfoot this morning.”

          (maybe a little over the line, eh, don’cha know)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Sorry I mistyped that earlier.

          It should have been:

          I’m feeling the little Gordon Lightfoot this morning.

          What?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          The majority of the songs on Gord’s Gold have 4 or 5 stars in my iTunes, so there. I’m having an urge to list all the other extraordinarily embarassing singers that I love to listen to in order to prove that Lightfoot really isn’t that bad but I think I will spare us all the shame.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Does it count if one is an Edmond Fitzgerald fan?

          (Tolled the bell for the Lakes steamer men a time.)

          Adores: 1
  19. 2010 August 25
    MandaB permalink

    We’ve seen ads like this before, and every time I have the same thought. “Can you imagine playing a game of Pictionary with the genius that posted this?”

    *Draws a circle.*

    Sparky: Oooh! It’s one of them uhh… triangles! That’s it! Triangle! No….that ain’t it. Oh! A pentagon!

    *beats head repeatedly on table*

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 25
      sarajean80 permalink

      Maybe that’s how it got square; too many headdeskstables knocked the round bits off.

      Adores: 6
  20. 2010 August 25

    Hey fider fider, the catmath doesn’t figure,
    Sparky got out on parole.
    The hypno dog laughed to see such an asshat
    And the Micro Fish ran away with the grave bowel!

    Adores: 7
  21. 2010 August 25
    EclecticBlue permalink

    I like how the table is both small and tall.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 25
      Camille permalink

      Sort of like a cup of Starbucks, no?

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 25
        TacoMagic permalink

        Yeah, coffee houses and their pompous size names bug the crap out of me. Especially big chains like Starbucks who don’t have true baristas working there anyway.

        I make a point to call them Small/Medium/Large. First, because I’m a pig-headed jerk who likes to drag the more uppity employees into pointless arguments about the naming conventions (Specifically that “Grande” means large and that Vente is a made up word by Starbucks), and second because…

        You know there really is only the one reason.

        (At small coffee houses where they have actual baristas working there I do acknowledge that they have some right to be pretentious.)

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25

          To be fair, tall means medium and there is a small size, the “short” which can be ordered even though it’s not on the menu anymore.
          I like the word venti. When people ask me what size I wear, I tell them venti.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          “Venti” is how I order my Shiner at the bar–does that count?

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 25
        Whirlwitch permalink

        Aha! You’re onto something, Camille. Starbucks coffee is indeed both tall and small, it is also round and brown. And in my experience, if the Starbucks has a patio, it is outside and has iron furniture.

        Clearly, our Sparky was posting this ad from a Starbucks patio, waiting for the morning coffee to kick in, which it didn’t quite. Hence describing the beverage and surroundings rather than the purported item.

        Next time, he should try a slice of YSaC homebrew.

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          Sparky must not have seen any pretty ladies with designer purses yet.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 25
      Moira permalink

      Perhaps the one adjective refers to the diameter of the table and the other refers to the height. Or perhaps I am giving Sparky too much credit given the discrepancies between the picture and the description.

      Then again, perhaps Sparky figured that people might not be able to figure out what a table was and so this picure is merely a representative of the class “table” though not meant to be the particular table for sale. From the description, then, we replace the various attributes of the pictured table with wrought iron, apparently brown in color, and tall in stature.

      Yeah, I’m still not sure how that works…

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        CapnMac permalink

        So, it’s a verbal Venn diagram of sorts, and the photo is merely for topological reassurance?

        Naw, I’m still voting for an excess of ganj-oregano and not nearly enough doritos

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 25

          Captain, I’m going to print off some of your comments and ask my English teacher if he can decipher them for me.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 25
        Windrose permalink

        Moira, welcome to the Gives Sparky Too Much Credit Club! Membership in the GSTMCC includes unlimited optimism, daily seconds of Humanity is NOT doomed! (Ala Eddie Izzard in Mystery Men)and discounts at the Paved with Gold thrift store.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          Thanks, Windrose. I think I have been a member for quite some time but I can’t seem to find my membership card. (My first pair of glasses had lenses that were tinted pink.)

          Adores: 1
  22. 2010 August 25
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Of the 5 “sentences” in the ad, 2 are capitalized and 3 are not. Is it bad that this bothers me more than the incorrect picture?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 25
      TacoMagic permalink

      It just means that your transformation into Isaac MK2 is nearly complete.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 25

        Why did you capitalize the K in your abbreviation for “Mark”?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Because my pinky didn’t want to lift off the shift button.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25
          mudslicker permalink

          Hey TM, aren’t you glad Isaac is back?

          :)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          He lets me know people actually read my posts :) .

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          [corey]
          In military nomenclature, the Brits are a bit anal about using the form “Mk”.

          US usage (largely only USN now) seems to follow a “caps locked in excell” sort of rule, and only ever use “MK”.
          There are some NSNs out there in other forms, and since that employe now does something else entirely, it is the one and only way to scribe the item, even if “mK-nn Mod y” looks dumb.
          [/corey]

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 25
        Addicted Reader permalink

        Sweet! I *love* correcting people! Do I get paid for this?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          Nope, but you get all the typos, spelling mistakes, and grammar flubs you can eat. Don’t worry, I’ve always got more.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I guess if I get free food, that’s almost like getting paid.

          Errors are tasty.

          Adores: 1
  23. 2010 August 25
    ToBScholarly permalink

    In the spirit of general fact and snarklessness, I would like to point out that this table is sold as a set of two by a giant, non-union, soul-killing retailer who shall remain nameless (but whose name rhymes with Schmall-Mart) for $20. They are made of plastic and flakeboard.

    How do I know this? My mother, whose interior design tastes potentially include framed velvet Jesus wall hangings and those glass clocks with the 3D waterfalls in motion, bought me these. They have been relegated to my kids’ rooms and precariously hold a maximum of two hard cover books and an alarm clock. Anything more than that, they completely fall apart.

    Well how about that? I did manage a little bit of snark after all.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 August 25
      TacoMagic permalink

      [corey][/corey]

      *Psst* You dropped these.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 25
        LimeLolly permalink

        Are those the [corey] tags I threw in the garbage?

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        ToBScholarly permalink

        I wasn’t sure that my mother’s lack of discernible style or her incessant need to vomit truckloads of tacky crap into my house was worthy or a corey tag.

        If anything, I debated using the [therapy][/therapy] tags.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          [corey corey]Mostly that first section where you established the true origin of the table, the price, and the materials it was made of. The rest didn’t need them as it was snarky.[/corey]

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 25
      MandaB permalink

      Just consider YSaC to be your daily dose of snark therapy.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 25
      Moira permalink

      Puppy!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        ToBScholarly permalink

        That is Reggie. One of two drooly, movable welcome mats that live in my house. I figured with all the felines on here, perhaps we could use a little balance.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 25

          **stares at puppy**

          D’awwwww….

          **clears throat, straightens up**

          errmm… I mean… FOOTBALL! MONSTER TRUCKS! REFRIED DEEP FRIED FAT*!

          *I wonder how long it will take before they start marketing that at the State Fair. Also, ew.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 25

          Puppies represent!
          I’ll get back to my mutt avatars soon as well. We already had the kitty mafia, how about the puppy yakuza?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25

          They can dump kitties in trash bins*!

          *When a woman putting a cat in the trash as a joke becomes an international news item, I know humanity is doomed.

          Adores: 2
  24. 2010 August 25
    Not.A.Commenter. permalink

    Is it just me, or do this guy’s directions make it sound like his outdoor table is sitting at or near a street corner, and not at his house?

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 25
      TacoMagic permalink

      Indeed. There is almost a hint of “For $20 I’ll show you which neighbor is remodeling their living room so you can go through all the stuff they left on the curb.”

      That might explain the image that has nothing to do with the description.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 25

        Maybe the square table is the bait to catch the round table? You leave the poor square table out on the lawn and when the round table approaches it to see if it is food or a mate, you throw a net over it?

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’ve suddenly got a David Attenborough narration in my head:

          The Mountain Square Black Table, growing increasingly rare due to human encroachment, is now only found in this one particular stretch of the Andes. Here you can see them grazing with the French Prudential Cabinets and the small Ottoms.

          But not all is peaceful in these mountains.

          A Brown Wooded Round Table. An ambush hunter specialized in using the rugged terrain to it’s advantage, the Round Table uses rocky outcroppings to mask its approach to the herd. And the chase is on! The superior speed of the round table is it’s only advantage over the endurance of the Square Tables, it must make the kill quickly or this meal will get away. And, with a quick jump the Round table digs its wrought iron supports into the flanks of its prey. The hunt is over, and the round table will have plenty of food for the next two weeks.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Or, is this what a domesticated round table looks like?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 25

          I have no idea what David Attenborough sounds like.

          So I read it as if it was Richard Attenborough speaking.

          It was interesting.

          Adores: 1
  25. 2010 August 25
    EclecticBlue permalink

    So, is “small round” anything like Short Round? If so, it’s not very nice to make the kid sit outside on a table all day…

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 25

      Short Round? Seriously? I mean Indy has a great nickname, and all they could come up with – in what is inarguably the worst Indiana Jones movie ever made – was Short Round? Geez…

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 25
        sarajean80 permalink

        That’s a nickname that will inevitably come back to haunt him.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I heard it wasn’t the size, but how you use it that counts.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          TacoMagic permalink

          The fact that we had “dog” (whatever the hell his name was) for the 4th Indy movie and not Short Round stuck in my craw more than even the load of failings of the movie.

          If it had Short Round in it I might almost have approached something akin to enjoyment while watching it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Moira permalink

          The fourth was purely campy homage. I enjoyed it for that and because Harrison Ford is *still* drool-worthy.

          Never go anywhere without your hat!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25

          I’ve heard a fifth one is in the works.

          Adores: 1
  26. 2010 August 25
    Moira permalink

    I loved that movie. People keep telling me I’m the only one who did…

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 25
      Moira permalink

      And by “that movie”, I mean Temple o’ Doom since the comment thread has rendered the original referent obscure.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 26
        sarajean80 permalink

        A shirtless Harrison Ford? Yeah, I could see how that could be fun to watch.

        Adores: 0
  27. 2010 August 25
    Grampdaddy permalink

    I’m really quite stunned. It is late in the day, I’ve spent it with fifty – 50 – first-graders (yes, you read that correctly). and I am the only person who has noted that the table IS NOT A SQUARE. As you all will recall from postings of rugs and artwork, squares are 5 x 7, 3 x 5, or some-such. To suggest that I am disappointed in your powers of observation would be a mild understatement, but I will forgive your oversight because you have not spent the entire day with 50 first-graders……

    *Now where did I leave the Swedish libation?*

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 25
      Lola permalink

      Fifty first graders? You’re a braver man than I, Grampdaddy. That might be because I’m a woman, though.

      *passes flask*

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 25
        Grampdaddy permalink

        And I get to do it all year!

        Perhaps braver, dear Lola, but you are a much better looking woman than I am. Guess that’s for a reason….

        Of course, it just might be that you are far more intelligent than I.

        *Thank you for the flask – do you want this back?*

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 25
      EclecticBlue permalink

      *blink* Did I miss something? Are you saying that in three dimensions, it’s not cube-y? It looks like a square to me, unless you’re picky about rounded corners… *still somewhat confused*

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Hi EB – [rug corey] Remember the square throw rug that measured 5′ x 7′? I don’t recall the posting, but it occasionally comes up along with the six-sided octagonal tables… [/rug corey]

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Oh yes. That’s why I was confused–I was thinking real-world squares. That would be a problem :-p

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 25
        Moira permalink

        In the world according to CL posters, squares either must have sides of unequal length or must not have right angles.

        In *our* world, that table looks decidedly square-like… but what the hell do we know?

        Edit: Add tags as desired.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          tags

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          LimeLolly permalink

          You’re it!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Dangit, I always get caught early! *chases after nearest YSaCer*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Windrose permalink

          NO RUNNING IN THE SNARK LOUNGE! You’ll spill your drink, and you know who has to clean it up.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Edit: Add tags as desired

          The “Texas Association of German Students”?

          A group of over-hormoned HS students just nerdy enough to wander to regional and State competitions based on foriegn languages?

          Not me (and I was a member once {g})

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 25

      50? Sounds like a big job. But I trust you to turn them from innocent little children into the line-crossing daemons they will become by fifth grade anyway properly mold their impressionable young minds into those of respectable citizens.

      Adores: 6
  28. 2010 August 25

    If only the table were red…

    *sigh*

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 25

      Well read, or just passably intelligent?

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      A badger and some spray paint could fix that.

      Adores: 2
  29. 2010 August 25
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Windrose, I need to get some sleep, can you take care of the You Don’t Suck forum thread today? Thanks.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 26
      Windrose permalink

      AR, I probably can, but if I don’t get to it, please accept my apologies now. 8/

      Adores: 0
  30. 2010 August 26
    Karmyn permalink

    $20? You can get two of them for that price at Wal-Mart. Of course you have to put them together yourself and they aren’t ’round’, but they do in a pinch.

    Adores: 1
  31. 2010 August 26
    Windrose permalink

    *click*

    sigh

    Adores: 2
  32. 2010 August 26
    Windrose permalink

    Mindfield! I did not forget you. Really, I didn’t. Punchity punch punch! Good puppy.

    Belated G’Night, Eastern Standard Time!

    Adores: 1
  33. 2010 September 7
    Rachel permalink

    Being a college student in my first apartment, I have no shame in admitting that I have two of those tables.
    1. It is from KMart.
    2. It is barely 2 feet tall.
    3. There is no iron, but silver hollow plastic tubes.
    4. We bought the two for $5.00 each.

    :/ Even if it’s the wrong picture uploaded… Why would you not double check? Very very different….

    Adores: 0
  34. 2010 September 14
    Steph permalink

    I have the same nightstand table. It’s plastic and I bought it from CVS for $10 couple years ago.

    Adores: 0
  35. 2012 September 23
    cassparilla permalink

    I have two of these tables. They’re coated particleboard with plastic legs. They were $20 or less brand new at Kmart. Here’s hoping for the wrong picture!

    Adores: 0
  36. 2013 September 15

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    Adores: 0

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