YSaC, Vol. 773: But where’s the ottoman from Ipanema?

2010 August 29

Table Lages


I’m looking for lages for this table if you have them call with your price

According to Wikipedia:

“Lages, formerly Lajens, is a Brazilian town located in the central part of the state of Santa Catarina, in the region known in Portuguese as “Planalto Serrano”.”

Obviously, this table is utterly incomplete without a central Brazilian town known for an annual festival, cattle herding, and wood processing. I can’t tell you how many tables I’ve rejected at yard sales just because they were short an Urupema, a Rio Rufino, or (in extreme cases) a São José do Cerrito.

Thanks for the link, Krystle!

191 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 August 29
    Windrose permalink

    May I just call with my price, even though I have no South American countries or cities? Darn, I never seem to meet all the requirements.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29

      What is your price? I just want to know the value of potential organs for harvest my wonderful YSaC friends. 😀

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 29
        Windrose permalink

        My price is elbenty brazillians.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Elebenty brazillions? Ouch! That sounds painful!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 29
          Karmyn permalink

          Is that a wax or a butt lift?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 30
          sarajean80 permalink

          Yes.

          Adores: 2
  2. 2010 August 29
    Penthaldarian permalink

    They may be looking for a table as well. I see two giant saltines and headlights in a martian dust storm.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 August 29
      ToBScholarly permalink

      Oooo! Is this like one of those Magic Eye posters in the mall, where you stare at it until you see the shape embedded in it?

      I see scenes from Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

      And a sailboat.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29
        ZODIAC permalink

        It’s a schooner!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          Windrose permalink

          It’s a Zodiac!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 29
          abwh permalink

          An inflatable schooner of lager!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          CapnMac permalink

          It’s “RHIB” ed for your pleasure.

          Line? Water has no lines? What?

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29
        Kae permalink

        I see an electrostatic charge and two rejected Picasso sketches.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          I see a wooden blob, and two saltine crackers. Or maybe they are electric sockets in a different country….or from Mars. Ahh, screw it, they’re saltines.

          Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 29

        I could never do those Magic Eye things. As for this – the first pic looks like an alien with glowing eyes of different sizes, and the second one… a couple of polystyrene ceiling tiles, maybe?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29

          Awww look at the fuzzy wuzzy! I’m not immune to the cute, even if it falls into the rodent category.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 29
          SilvaNoir permalink

          Hello, fellow rat!

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 29
        Lola permalink

        I keep thinking the “Saltines” are square buttons from some mod ’60s-ish coat.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Kae permalink

          In a Mondrian print?

          Adores: 1
  3. 2010 August 29
    MandaB permalink

    I have no lages, but if they were able to provide witty commentary I would give them elenenty Brazillian doors. Maybe they could turn those into lages.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 29
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      I’d totally provide that commentary, but the exchange rate from Brazilian to Murkin doors doesn’t make it worthwhile right now.

      Adores: 5
  4. 2010 August 29
    Lola permalink

    I might know some people who know people from Lages, or somewhere in South America where they speak Portugese. Will that count?

    That first photo makes me want to wear sunglasses indoors. The glare!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 29

      The glare is caused by applying too much Brazilian wax on the table top.

      There, I scuffed up the line a little.

      Adores: 12
    • 2010 August 29

      My boyfriend* is from Brazil. Curitiba, though, not Lages. Even if he was from Lages though, Sparky can’t have him.

      *Yes, this is new. 🙂

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 29

        Oo la la! 🙂
        You do know this means open season on Brazilian adore* jokes, right?

        *If anyone can think of anything, that is. I’m still recovering from yesterday’s contact high.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 29

          Of course it means open season on Brazilian adore jokes. I wouldn’t expect anything less. 😉

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 29
        Lola permalink

        Congrats on the Brazilian bf! And you’re just back from France – look at you being all international and stuff!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29

          Well, it happened just before France, but yes, I’m being quite international. 😉

          I’ll be learning Portuguese soon. I’ll be all multi-lingual!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 29

          Portuguese is a wonderful language, Bridgete. Mama Eyebrows was Portuguese, and I remember as a kid at family get togethers all the great aunties and uncles speaking in their native tongue (they had moved from the Azores in their teens). Unfortunately, none thought it important to teach the younger generation. Perhaps someday I will set aside some time and learn it. Living and working in California (almost) requires a person to be bi-lingual in Spanish nowadays, and I believe the languages have some similarity.

          P.S. Wheeee! A new boyfriend! 🙂

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29

          Oh yes. My former roommate and one of my best friends from law school became fluent in Portuguese when she was the general manager of a restaurant (LOTS of Brazilians working in restaurants in the Boston area). I went to a party with her once and enjoyed listening to everyone. I’ve also been to a party or two with my boyfriend, but they all were mostly speaking English for my sake. 😉

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 29
          Windrose permalink

          Archie, I am trying to teach myself Spanish with the famous language people’s CDs. I play them in my car while driving to and from work. I am just starting, although I picked up lots of Spanish from coworkers and clients, and had a couple years of it in grade school. So far my favorite part is learning to introduce yourself to people. The man doing the Spanish part has a deep, sexy voice, and when he says his name is “Antonio,” well, I giggle hysterically.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 29

          My brother-in-law has the Rosetta Stone version and is going to put it on my computer the next time they come up for a visit. That way I can learn when convenient. Probably will have to look to Mr. Eyebrows to provide the deep, sexy voice part though.

          Side note: While here in our area of the left coast where agriculture dominates, Spanish is the needed second language, Eyebrow Daughter #3 found her own unique niche. She insisted upon taking three years of French in high school, despite pointed suggestions to the contrary. Lo and behold, she found herself a position with a winery owned by a prominent French family, and she is the only one other than he on premises that speaks French! Big fat bingo!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 29

          I took French because NY was closer to Canada than Mexico and ended up spending my adult life in California* and Texas. The wee bit of Spanish that I’ve picked up has been dubbed Franglicanized by one of my Spanish-speaking friends.
          *Vietnamese would have been a better language to know in my neighborhood though.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          Busy Bridgete has a Brazillion boyfriends…

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          Windrose, tu no tienes cajones.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          I have no clue what that actually means, it was on tv.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          If episodes of George Lopez have taught me right, you may have just crossed the other line that was here illegally.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, if NMN means “cullottes’ for “cajones”–that would, should be an issue for her husband.

          And, seeing as our WR–bees be upon her–is female, not having external gonads would be entirely appropriate.

          No soup for you NMN; you’re new, else it would be narfling the Garfog.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 29
        Addicted Reader permalink

        Welcome back, and congrats/good luck on the new relationship!

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          Thanks! I’ve known him for about 6 months so hopefully that will help. 😉

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          Windrose permalink

          Bridgete and Boyfriend
          Sitting in a tree!
          K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

          I feel so middle school today. Welcome back, hope you get to make frequent trips to the land of charm, and why not get Mr. Brazil to log on to YSaC! We’ll be gentle with him. At first.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 29

          He’s read over my shoulder a few times (he’s reading as I type this). We’ll see about logging him in. 😉

          Adores: 1
  5. 2010 August 29
    Is.An.Avatar permalink

    I’m sure just a typo – Not lages but rather lager. Sparky’s looking for beer for his table. Quite understandable. Any brewers out there……..

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 August 29
      Not My Name permalink

      I know you guys already know this, but they are looking for legs for the….uhhh….blob in the first picture. It looks like someone took a picture of one of those big wooden shipping crates. Maybe the table is inside the crate? Also, why would anyone give a person the legs of a table? Then the other person wouldn’t have legs on their table.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Any brewers out there……..

      Calling Moira!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29

        Well since Moira isn’t responding, let’s try Jim. Wait, no, he’s hanging out with Dave Chappell and the guys from yesterday’s post.

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      That’s exactly what I thought!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29

      “Beer for my tables,
      Whiskey for my chairs.”

      Adores: 5
  6. 2010 August 29
    Julia permalink

    They might also be looking for some clones of German musician Klaus Lage. Or Lage, the town in Lower Saxony, plus Lage, the town in Germany.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2010 August 29
    LimeLolly permalink

    Can you charge more if your Lages have a green card?

    Adores: 7
  8. 2010 August 29
    ToBScholarly permalink

    Lieges!
    Nothing says “fancy-schmancy table” like four loyal feudalists holding up your furniture.
    Using regular wood is for the peasants.

    Adores: 25
    • 2010 August 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      There you go, TBS, look at all those doors you got! (Aren’t they addictive? :-p)

      Adores: 2
  9. 2010 August 29
    Julia permalink

    I seriously don’t know what they actually want. Ledges? Lug nuts?

    …. Oh… LEGS!

    I had to think about it for a while, but it’s so obvious now!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29

      Philospohy 101:
      Is a table sans legs still a table?

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 August 29
        Windrose permalink

        christina, no it’s not. It’s parque.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 29
          abwh permalink

          When your legs turn to butter?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 29

          Nope, that’s an armoire.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29

          When your legs turn to butter?

          Are butter legs anything like butter face?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          No, abwh, it’s when you run around like an urban ninja!

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29
        ToBScholarly permalink

        A table with no legs will certainly fall. If it does so in the middle of the forest and there is no one to hear it, does it create an inherently badly-worded philosophy joke?

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 29

          I have to have broken Taco’s record by now.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          Speaking of which, where is Taco?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          On the weekends, he’s busy keeping his crotchfruit from assploding the universe, I believe.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I thought he doesn’t show up on the weekends? *stalk stalk stalkity stalk* According to facebook, he is TACO SMASH!ing. Sounds fun…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          Yeah, I’m pretty sure Taco generally doesn’t show up on the weekends. Although I believe he’s been here on a Saturday or two…or maybe my days are off since I tend to be unaware of what the day of the week is lately.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          Crotchfruit? Okay, what am I missing here?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          Crotchfruit is what the saber tooth crotch crickets feed on.

          What?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 30

          Crotchfruit, as in the fruit of his loins.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Moira permalink

      That makes much more sense than what I was thinking which was leaves. However, I suspect neither leaves nor legs will be easy to find for a purported table which we cannot see due to glare and poor lighting. Some photo of where said legs should go would also be helpful.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29
        I_Love_Lola permalink

        Moira, the second picture is of the bottom of the table. The things that look like saltines are where the legs mount.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          I figured that out earlier, but it’s more fun to pretend they are something else.

          Adores: 2
  10. 2010 August 29

    Bonjour, tout le monde! J’ai retourné hier soir. Je n’ai pas voulu partir, mais je pense que Paris n’est pas amusant si on n’a pas d’argent, alors, j’ai dû retourner.*

    Yes, my French improved quite a bit. For those of you who didn’t follow the Facebook updates, one day had me translating for the whole table at lunch because the waiter didn’t speak much English.

    I have to go back and read the past week’s posts now, but I wanted to drop by and say hello first.

    *Translation: Hello, everyone! I returned last night. I didn’t want to leave, but I think that Paris is not fun if you don’t have money, so, I had to return.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29

      Gesundheit.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 29

      Bonjour! We missed you! I want to hear all about your trip en Englais, si vous plait, my Français is very rusty.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29

        Yes, I can see that it’s rusty.

        My comments all link to my blog, where a post about the trip should appear in a few days…en anglais, bien sûr.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          Ah, that’s not rust up there. When you get to yesterday’s post you’ll see that my inner dictionary is malfunctioning. I’m not to be held accountable for speeling errors until I’m off the meds.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Lola permalink

          Christina’s not rusty – that’s, er, green stuff. 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Crusty?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Hey, it’s Sunday, and not 1900 yet, no invoking Clowns withut good reason!
          You might scare the small chilluns (or wake depressy, which would make Lola sad).

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          And if Depressey wakes up, a certain hobo might come to play. Also, if his name is invoked or his trademark mentioned.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          *sets out a fresh bowl of souls*
          Here Depressey, here boy! Who’s a good little murderous clown?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 30
          Depressy permalink

          Depressy HATES soul food!

          Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 29
      Moira permalink

      WooHoo, I actually understood that without your translation!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 29
        EclecticBlue permalink

        I got about 3/4 of it… Surprisingly, since I haven’t formally done anything with French since 2003 :-p

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          SilvaNoir permalink

          Whee, same here. Last time I had a french class was highschool, and even though I had 5 years of it (began in junior high), we mostly goofed off and made crepes and watched Disney movies in French. Good times.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I stabbed myself in the palm with a fondue fork during a French club party…. I had to run down the hall with blood cupped in my hands… I was teased about that by my friends for the rest of high school. “How did you manage to stab yourself with a fondue fork???” :-p

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          If a spoon and fork is a spork, is a fondue fork called a fondork?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 29
          Laurelhach permalink

          Only if it is, in fact, made of melted cheese or chocolate.

          Adores: 2
  11. 2010 August 29

    These Lages… do they have Koneez?

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Laurelhach permalink

      More importantly, do they have Sholeder Kaneez?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 29

        Thank you for the context, Laurelhach. I thought Astro was asking about hot dogs from the boardwalk.

        Adores: 2
  12. 2010 August 29
    Indigo permalink

    Rumor on the streets: A certain glass-topped Camel Table of Repute is holding the lages hostage.
    The ransom demands: Meet at a tacky outdoor cafe, remove the hideous glare, and the lages will be returned in even better form. (The lages have been bedazzled and had stunning deer hoof decorations added.)

    *hexagonal, square, and free red tables will be lurking behind decorative mirrors to ensure no harm is done

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 August 29

      It was the camel king? I would have guessed the naked bronze lady.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29

        If it was the naked bronze lady it would have been the camel toe king.

        What?

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 29
          Laurelhach permalink

          *gets out binoculars*

          Nope, line’s waaaaaaaaaaay back there now.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Agh, Ham, you got to that one before I did! I was thinking it, and then scrolled down, and there it was! (That happens to me sometimes…)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          You scroll down and see a camel toe?

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Erm. Yeah… that didn’t quite come across the way I wanted. Next time I will be more careful with the various positions of my pronouns 😉

          Adores: 5
  13. 2010 August 29
    Addicted Reader permalink

    I see a smiley face in the first picture.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2010 August 29

    Lages, protective garment worn by Scottish Highlanders to keep Haggis drippings from staining their kilts.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 August 29

      If their haggis is dripping, stains are the least of their worries.
      *bye bye pesky line!

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 29
      Lola permalink

      That comment is even better* with the current cutest-ever puppy avatar. The peeping puppy! Puppy! Pupppppeeeeeehhhhhh.
      *ahem* Sorry, carry on. As you were, then.

      *may be a relative concept, depending on sense of humor and susceptibility to puppies! Puppies!

      Adores: 2
  15. 2010 August 29
    M5ind permalink

    Maybe they’re Dutch, posing as Brazilians, from the municipality of Laag-Caestert…Wonder if they’ll take those.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Litarider permalink

      Now they want casters too? They’ve got some rolling plans for this table top.

      Adores: 2
  16. 2010 August 29
    Indigo permalink

    Obviously a case of over-efficient Brazilian waxing.
    Even the waxee’s legs are removed!
    Terribly painful…
    Causes blackouts, and pitiful photographs.

    Adores: 11
  17. 2010 August 29
    Moira permalink

    Okay, I can understand how one might need a leg or two for a table. Four seems a little careless, but perhaps they were all damaged by over-excited puppies and whatnot. I am at a complete loss, though, as to how one might have a set of legs for this particular table lying around unused.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Lola permalink

      Unused, and owned by someone who will read this ad. The odds are … heh!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29

        *Unscrews legs (lages) from my dinning room table*

        Me, “Hello Sparky”

        Sparky, “Yes”

        Me, “I’m I have a set of lages (legs) for your table”

        Sparky, “Really, how much?”

        Me, “$2000”

        Sparky, “WHAT!!?”

        Me, “Well yes, now I have to buy a new table so I can get a set of “lages” for my old one”

        Sparky, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

        Me, “Because you are an asshat”

        *Click*

        Adores: 9
    • 2010 August 29
      Not My Name permalink

      Oops, I put my post in the wrong place. It’s under christina’s way up there.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29
        Windrose permalink

        There are no penalties for incorrect placement of comments, because sometimes WordPress helps us out with that, and we have no control.

        NMN, your avatar is very colorful!

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          Thanks, it’s War.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          Warning: do not click this link, if you are near children, the elderly, or people who dislike mature games. Also, if you are at work, as bosses tend to frown upon using the internet to watch videos while at work.

          http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-2008-darksiders/36515
          That’s one link, but I’m gonna provide another (drmk please don’t yell, at me, I’m not advertising the game, I’m sharing it; there’s a difference*).
          http://www.gametrailers.com/video/exclusive-hero-darksiders/52418
          By the way, the part at the end of the second trailer (if you actually watched it, I’m not going to force you to), you actually do that.

          *Not necessarily true.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Windrose permalink

          NMN, WordPress again will sometime put comments on moderate if there is more than one link, no matter how massive a link. 8) I continue to wish for a time stamp as well as a date stamp. Sigh.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          CapnMac permalink

          I’ve been battering at the Jestro Vilgiance theme to see if just such a customized product could be offered to our benevolent hosts–bees be upon them.
          no joy so far.

          Adores: 0
  18. 2010 August 29

    Table Lages
    *Anagram fun*

    Bagatelles (Lalalalala)

    Ablate Legs (Ah hah!)

    Gables Tale (Where’s Ann)

    A Stable Leg (Hmmmm)

    Tea Bag sell (Line!)

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 29

      This needs to be a daily feature, or at least a weekend feature.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 29

        HamCan needs minimal encouragement. Especially if it leads to the line…and beyond!

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 29

      I like anagrams. Do this frequently. 😉

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 29
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Are you doing these yourself, or running them through an anagram generator?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29

        Some of both, anagram generators have no sense of humor but they are time savers.
        I do prefer doing them myself, that’s the fun bit 🙂

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Anagrams have never been my strong suit. I can pick smaller words out of bigger words, but using all the letters is often beyond me.

          Adores: 1
  19. 2010 August 29
    Not My Name permalink

    It’s the guys from yesterday. They found someone to clean their friend’s apartment, and found a table with no legs. They decided to try to find legs for it, and used Craigslist since it worked great yesterday. However, they were stoned while taking pictures, and everyone knows being stoned makes you hungry. That’s why there are pictures of saltines.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 29

      After taking the picture they made pizza by covering the saltines with chocolate sauce, avocado, bacon bits, cheetos and bleu cheese.
      “Dude, This is the best pizza ever! We should totally sell this to Dominos.”

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 29
        Addicted Reader permalink

        I was looking for a stronger way to say this, but I think this gets the point across fine:

        EW.

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 29

      When you are stoned having a table with no legs is the safest way to eat pizza.

      Adores: 6
  20. 2010 August 29
    CapnMac permalink

    [Adm Akbar voice] It’s a Trap! [/voice]

    Lagos is the capitol of Niger.

    The deputy minister of administering deputies is alleged to have deposited 3478459045 tables (6132e34928 brazillian doores) in an account for you. If you forward this email to elebenyty people before yesterday, and wire 11,238 obos (10456 firm; 345945 baritone) you will be given ottom, bees be upon you.

    But, only if you slack-headed dopers clean the kichen before I get home from work! One more pizza box, and you are al going to the Pound!!

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 29

      No way, not falling for that scam again. Last time you told me I would get a red table for free but my bank account kept getting debited.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 29
        CapnMac permalink

        “And by ‘clean out the kitchen’ I do NOT mean eater everything but the baking soda and the jalapeño-kumquat jelly! Get to work you ganga-fied goons!”

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29

          So what you are saying is that the baking soda and kumquat-jalapeno jelly are fair game? Woo-hoo human volcano time! Hey! Hold my beer and watch this!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 29

          Famous last words.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Agh, I did it again… But this time I had the comment in my head about 20 minutes, ago, and then my browser crashed, and I forgot about it -_-

          Adores: 1
  21. 2010 August 29
    nonsensicalcat permalink

    If they want to get there right away, I see that round-trip plane tickets to Lages are around $1800. But that’s for a person… how many seats will this table need? It must be large if Sparky couldn’t even get far enough away from it to show the whole thing in the photos…

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 29
      Mel permalink

      Hm, I wonder. I’m guessing at least three, but since we’re talking about a legitimately handicapped table, maybe the airline will cut it a break and only charge for one. Although they might have trouble getting it into one of those airport wheelchairs.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 29
      CapnMac permalink

      Well, in a sensible world, the table ought get a discount, for not needing lage-room. [rim shot]

      Airlines having a habit of hiring lowest-bidder programmers, I’d expect the table to always get a ticket on an exit aisle, and i’d be force to trade with the intoxicated thing . . .

      Adores: 0
  22. 2010 August 29

    I’ve been attempting to post more snark on this all day. But I keep getting mesmerized by the first picture. Meh. Perhaps Table Lages is the Yin to The Table’s Yang?

    Adores: 1
  23. 2010 August 29
    CapnMac permalink

    Ok, for some reason, the sound of leg pronounced as “LAIG” just clicked.

    “Hey, Bubba, hows yew spailt ‘laig’?”
    “Junior, what eye tolt yew bout ax’in’ me kwayshuns when eyemt a drinkin? Gots tue be an ‘Ail’ t’start, doan it?”
    “Yuhn, bub, but it lookit funny spailt L-A-G.”
    “Junior, yew ijit–gimme notherbeer–iffin itz a long ‘a’ yew puts an ‘e’ at the end! And git me some chips!”

    Arrgh, to know the habits of H. Sapiens Rurigenae so well . . .

    Adores: 6
  24. 2010 August 29
    CapnMac permalink

    Ok, and I’ve been away gabbing on historical events and the realism in depicting them (good day for it, “In Harm’s Way” has been followed by “Midway” on TCM).

    But Dan’s–bees be upon him–title just clicked with me.

    My rememory of the beach at Ipanema is that there is always a lot of ottom showing.

    Pretty much all lage from waist to toe . . .

    What, too much?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 29

      “The Girl From Ipanema” was the hold music at my last job. I spent five years with that earworm and now it’s back. Good thing I actually like that song. Yes, I know that’s weird.

      Adores: 1
  25. 2010 August 29
    Not My Name permalink

    Do you ever get the feeling that the tables are out to get us? I mean we have the red table, this table, the blech-colored table, dolphin table, evil skeleton table, camel table, and naked bronze lady table. I get the feeling that there’s a conspiracy afoot here.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Octohexagon table, Topper, the danish modern dinning set, message table, enema table, the whole dinning table and other closets….. and much more, too many to list. Now, if we wanted to get started on couches….

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 29
        Not My Name permalink

        Oh, and let’s not forget dressers….and chester drawers (yes I know).

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 29
        Not My Name permalink

        Wait, enema table? What’s….no wait, I don’t really want to know.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Here you go…. “Enjoy” 😀

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Not My Name permalink

          Can not unsee….enema table…..almost as bad as certain other things I’ve accidently looked up.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 29

        [Matt]How dare you all forget The Table! I’m righteously indignant that you would leave out such a landmark event in the history of Kclhm![/Matt]

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Isn’t “this table” The table? Silly misplaced Matt :-p

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          I thought “this table” referred to the subject of the day’s post.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      SilvaNoir permalink

      or even aleg

      Adores: 2
  26. 2010 August 29
    SilvaNoir permalink

    We’ve got quite the zoo here now. Birds, puppies, cats, rats, a lizard and a llama.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29

      Don’t forget the Ostrimu.

      Also, I’ve been known to become both a Walrus and an Otter on occasion.

      Oh, and I almost forgot. Do you think Mr. Winkey counts as a zoo animal? He is rather… furry and unkempt.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29
        Lola permalink

        Astro! If by saying his name you have summoned him, you are going to be in a lot of trouble, young man! 8)

        Mr. *sigh* Winkey is definitely a creature of some kind … zoo animal may be right.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 29
        SilvaNoir permalink

        Ostrimu = bird (Windrose being the other bird)

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Not My Name permalink

      What am I considered?

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Laurelhach permalink

      And me! You can’t forget the heavily-mutated Skaran* lifeforms!

      *What is the demonyn for a resident of Skaro? Skaroese? Skaranite? Skaregan?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 29
        Not My Name permalink

        Wait….is that a Dalek with a tutu on? What the heck?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          {G}

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Lola permalink

          Yes, Dalek with a tutu, got it in one!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29
          Laurelhach permalink

          Congratulations, you win 3 M-class planets, complete with level 4 civilizations just waiting to be thrown into slavery! Think of all the possibilities!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Careful, she might just
          E-Labor-Ate

          oops, too late!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 30
          Not My Name permalink

          What do I have to do to win a working Tardis?

          Adores: 0
  27. 2010 August 29
    Not My Name permalink

    This is my last post of the night.

    Adores: 1
  28. 2010 August 29

    (I’m thinking of making this a nightly “feature” adding everyone’s submissions from the day before…yes/no? Once it gets to big I’ll put it in the forum P.S. It also needs a title)

    The mother Meme returned to the nest where six (maybe eight) Meme chicks were waiting, mouths open wide.
    Having flown about Craigslist all day her belly was full of misrepresented and misspelled items from across the globe, a good number of firm OBOs held in her bedazzled hoof-talons.
    “HarkHarkHark” Went the mother Meme, as she began regurgitating items for her babbys to feast upon…

    First came a giant banana! Chick 3 got that one. Chick 1 was upset, because he thought he was supposed to be first, and so mama bird regurgitated…* (Comment added by EclecticBlue)

    *Ok everyone, continue the story!!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      {Pssst, you forgot NMN’s submission, a red table! Or was it not the right story-continuing format?}

      Adores: 1
  29. 2010 August 29
    Addicted Reader permalink

    It’s been a pretty busy weekend. Windrose, you going to be able to recap it all?

    It’s been a busy day, and the next month will continue to get busier. The Jewish holiday season starts next week, and there’s a lot of prep to do. So I may be scarce around these parts for the next week, and then I’ll be missing days at a time for the holidays. I’ll miss you guys!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Windrose permalink

      We’ll miss you too, AR. I’ll try to get into the habit of updating the Don’t Suck forum thread.

      I JUST finished recaping yesterday. I don’t know when I will get today done, if at all. Yesterday was SO BIG I had to split it into two parts. Stay tuned!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Lola permalink

      Best of luck getting ready for the holidays.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29

      Holy crap 2010 is flying by! We’ll miss you too! Try to stop in and snark every once in a while.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      CapnMac permalink

      Stay rested. Remember to you have done great mitsvah here, too.

      Adores: 0
  30. 2010 August 29
    Camille permalink

    Just in case anyone is keeping track, I am back in the USA.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Windrose permalink

      Hooray! 8) Welcome Home, Camille.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      Lola permalink

      I love that our snark has international flair, both from people traveling and participation outside of the US.

      Adores: 1
  31. 2010 August 29
    Windrose permalink

    Saturday Round-up 08/28/10 PART ONE:

    Clean Dudes and 420 Friendly in the ad, Laurelhach wondered how people so elderly could work a computer. Christina thought they should have been 409 friendly and LimeLolly suggested Mr. Clean. Windrose noticed christina’s puppy avatar, but Christina warned that it may be a trap. She had a fun fun fun morning planned with her dentist and a root canal, but left us slices of coffee and toasted donuts for sale on the red table, take them for free. Laurelhach had to go blow the whistle at Wal-Mart after she sold her soul to her band director for a free root beer float.

    CJ felt sympathy for Christina, but not enough to keep her from thinking up evil ways to bring about more pain. Christina played the vicodin card and raised a caffeine buzz. NotMyName needed help with coffee slices, and Windrose complied. The name of Taco was invoked. CapnMac was saucy, Christina was jonesing for more caffeine, and Capn took a more is better stance. NMN assumed the free refreshments were for sale, and abwh warned against the 420 friendly brownies. Duuuude. Smedley applied the coffee directly to the forehead, and Christina sent a text.

    MandaB wouldn’t smoke ‘em if she got ‘em, M5ind and Smedley went caroling, and Windrose feared a low comment day. She requested lurkers to say something. M5ind suggested we offer the lurkers Cheetos and to smoke them up. HamCan grossed out some people with a dead cockroach story, causing Cheetos to be banned in the Snark Lounge, and Lola to redecorate her kitchen. Lou Stool jumped on the Gross Story bandwagon, followed by Yancy who used to be a pyromaniac. Lola read a book about it. Christina on drugs made an uneducated cockroach theory guess, but HamCan cleared that up. Silva Noir and Christina continued gross things in food stories. M5ind switched all the cheetos to Doritos. NMN added Cheezums and Smedley demanded Cheesy Poofs. NMN invoked the goddess of cheese, surprisingly not Bianchi Sound, but kelli still wanted Cheetos. Moira felt that if Cheetos don’t kill us, they make us stronger, and Bianchi wanted to run around in a clear plastic tube. Christina offered a good price to see that.

    Silva Noir learned to start snack food fires in 8th grade. CanpMac gave a fat speech, and Silva Noir reduced it. Astrognash has a personal Fire Marshall who follows him around.

    ToBeScholarly lamented that dime bags go for 420 these days, while NMN thought it would be funny if the advertisers got what they wanted. Adwh and M5ind played the memory game. Nonsensicalcat couldn’t decide if the stoners were too high to clean, unable to clean due to gender, or just asshats. Moira felt they were loveable but stupid. Lola added useless. Astro thought it was a couple. Smedley guessed they were hoping for Penthouse Forum-worthy wacky hijinks. Moira ran with the seemed like a good idea at the time defense. LimeLolly had a religious experience. Litarider feared ulterior motives from the stoners, and confessed she was selling items on Craigslist. Then she saw she was still in the Don’t Suck box from Friday, and was impressed. Windrose pointed out the misconception, and Capn thought the punch needed more punch.

    Is.An.Avatar felt the $20 offered in the ad might be an overpayment when the amount of cleaning done is assessed at the end of the day. Capn took the twenty to order pizza. Bianchi proposed a corollary between 420 Friendly and Don’t Have Much Money. Christina liked Sparkoli and recognized the corollary to Spiccoli. Bianchi was pleased.

    HamCan sketched out the Work Day for Cleaning Girl. Bianchi cast Mr. Demi Moore in the roles. Ron felt the ad was all wrong, stoners don’t clean as well as coke heads or speed junkies. Lola had heard of a plan to lose weight and keep the house clean. Christina made a funny with a misspelled word in it. Three posts later, she admitted it and was reprimanded by Windrose. ToBeScholarly and Christina discussed a movie. EclecticBlue threw a line right over christina’s head. Three posts later, after a musical interlude, Christina caught it. Smedley visited the Way Back machine.

    Indigo proposed that the apartment to be cleaned actually belonged to the advertiser. Moira put on her horns and picked up her pitchfork. Bianchi felt the pay was reasonable. Christina borrowed the pitchfork from Moira. Windrose lamented hoarders, and Mel agreed. Lola, Moira, Lola again, Moira again, Lola again again, Moira again again, discussed hoarders they have known and decided they weren’t ones. HamCan admitted to having a girlfriend once. Kae has solved her hoarder tendencies. Silva Noir’s mother is a serial hoarder. Lola began to clean to prove she’s not a hoarder. Lou Stool invoked the One Year or It Goes Rule. Lola felt that was too harsh. Christina confessed that she is in to leather. Moira battled weeds and spiders to prove she’s not a hoarder. Capn compared hoarders to people who are not allowed to every finish what they start. Moira planned to fix a doorknob to prove she’s not a hoarder. Capn expanded on the theory. NMN thought the stoners should just clean the place themselves.

    Kelli admitted she believes in fairies. Smedley asked for strawberry milk. But fairy wings cost extra. NMN wanted to pay with Ben and Jerry’s. Kelli swapped out peanut butter cookies for the strawberry milk, and obos for the wearin’ o’ the wings. NMN was confused by the obos. Smedley took the job. Moira put the obos away to prove she’s not a hoarder. Astro confused Christina with his wings story.

    Capn proposed the stoners are really squatters. Silva Noir recounted the joys of living with college guys. Capn complimented her on being well adjusted. We think. So drmk (may bees be upon her) recalled her own college joys, and EB stated mean stuck-up weepy girls are better than stinky yucky boys. Or not. HamCan admitted he’s self-taught, which cleared up a lot of questions we all had. Eb lamented the loss of her toilet paper, and Capn agreed he had a good time in the military.

    Thus endeth Part One.

    Adores: 5
  32. 2010 August 29
    Windrose permalink

    Wow, Walla Walla Text! Hang On!

    Saturday Round-Up 08/28/10 Part Two

    Stoners who were gainfully employed amazed Lou Stool. Moira stopped playing on the freeway long enough to state she had seen it before. ToBeScholarly confirmed that stoners make bad parents. Moira confirmed they would soon graduate to something stronger. Windrose thought the grass was greener where TBS worked, but TBS debunked that theory and confirmed her own desire to go back to church. Moira gave hugs all around. Capn lamented not having any job, and Moira taught him to hug the way her grandma taught her to hug.

    Christina revisited the employed stoner, and Lola added her own experiences to the mix. Capn wanted to make it illegal for prostitutes to advertise on Craigslist. Or something. Moira soothed his fevered brow with Smedley’s strawberry milk and peanut butter cookies.

    Windrose noticed that Christina was in the box, and warned Lou the Round-up might take longer than expected. (Heck, yeah! 238 responses!) Christina asked that her recently dental probed face might be spared vigorous punching. Bianchi wondered if the 409 comment would get Christina a coveted two-fer. Lou agreed. Christina disavowed any knowledge of said snark, noting the Llama-nun doesn’t do two-fers very often, one had been done recently, and noobs get special treatment. She appealed to the lurkers to join in.

    Ratwoman shared experiences with bad roommates. Lola shared a story about a friend’s husband, to prove she is not a hoarder. Windrose bragged about her husband, and Christina, Archie, and Astro felt equally blessed. Christina wanted to know what really happened at band camp. Astro blamed the hot weather on girls not wearing their shirts, and EB found a relative with the same last name as that girl in the photo. HamCan added something funny.

    Astro then tried to explain a band drill so that we could see the mountain and the eagle. Nice try, kid. Moira had a brain cramp, but she’s not a hoarder. Christina had hoped to reach 420 comments (!!!!) so HamCan proposed a game of leap blog. The three of them shared some leaps, and then christina wondered why the line was still in such good shape. HamCan stopped boinging long enough to be bouncy. Moira had a contact high that prevented her from wacky hijinks, which proves she is not a hoarder. EB tried to teach HamCan English, but he’s self taught only. Christina and EB stuck out their tongues at each other, and Moira was happy that some lurkers had stopped in. NMN stuck around, which made us all happy. TBS listed the reasons she lurked for so long. NMN knew he wasn’t quick witted. Moira revealed that she does hoard comedy writers, EB was a lurker, Christina was scared away once, and she and EB tried to be cool. Capn listed the reasons the commentor work so well. I think. EB wrote a high koo.

    Ratwoman lamented the time difference between our two worlds. Windrose and Moira tried to make her feel at home and welcomed. Christina and Windrose had to pull Moira out of yesterday’s post again. Ratwoman answered Windrose’s questions. I think.
    HamCan presented another episode of Anagram Fun, which we hope will be a regular feature here on YSaC. There followed a lot of silliness about new posts. Named Oscar. That don’t exist. EB lowered the bar to 210, so Christina, and Astro, in honor of GrahamT, went down Meme-ory Lane. HamCan turned in his nature report, EB and NMN helped with the visuals.

    Capn and EB did not find the last post. NMN had questions about submissions to YSaC. EB and Capn gave directions. NMN cross-posted from another funny blog. Moira assured him we get plenty of fresh submissions without using other sites’ material. But sharing the funny is always appreciated. Christina begged off at 200 comments, and set up a decoy for later punching. Capn did a time stamp at 209, and EB put us over half-baked. NMN, EB, and Capn discussed avatars. Windrose came back from a wild party to punch Christina, and Usually-lurking Janett stopped in to worry about the stoners. Sadly, no one took her up on her offer to discuss Quantum Mechanics over coffee slices.

    And that’s that!

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 29

      You rock, Windrose! A brazillion adores for that! I had a soy-milk-through-the-nose moment at: “HamCan admitted he once had a girlfriend.”

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 29
        Windrose permalink

        Oh Good! Rave reviews so far. I’m thinking I might need to store these in the forums for easier access. Yes?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 29
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Yes 😀 And yesterday must have been “fun” to do, we got the comments up pretty high for the weekend 🙂

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 29

          Yes!
          Also: Nice pun, EB!

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 29
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Doors galore!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 30
      Supreme Ruler permalink

      Brilliant, Windrose.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 30
      Not My Name permalink

      Wow. Does that happen every saturday post, or every post? Or just every now and then?

      Adores: 0
  33. 2010 August 29
    falcon permalink

    poor Table. it makes me wonder if he was built a quadrapa”lage”ic, or if he lost all 4 in a horrific accident.

    Adores: 4
  34. 2010 August 29
    ToBScholarly permalink

    This was hilarious:

    “Moira taught him to hug the way her grandma taught her to hug.”

    Adores: 4
  35. 2010 August 30
    Windrose permalink

    Good. slowing down at 180-something, Good chance I can do a round up tomorrow on today.

    Ron, I hope some day you come back and realize you were in the box! Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Planalto Serrano!

    *wonders if this is the last comment*

    Adores: 1
  36. 2010 August 30
    EclecticBlue permalink

    Nope 🙂

    Adores: 1
  37. 2010 August 30
    sarajean80 permalink

    Neither is that one.

    Adores: 1

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