YSaC, Vol. 787: “Have you seen my tarantula? He was here a minute ago.”
Act Like an Office Worker for one afternoon
I need 5 attractive young people to pretend like they work in my office so I can impress some VIP’s when I bring them by on Monday, 11/9. You must simply show up at 2pm, wait for me to come at 3 with my guests, then pretend I am a big shot boss and act busy (print files, call the office phone line, hand me messages and documents for approval, etc.) for a few minutes when they are around. We have computers and internet connections so you are free to surf the net for 90% of the time. Just be “on” for the few minutes I need you.
Is it wrong that if I got this job, I would wait until the VIPs were there and then go up to the big shot boss and say, “Alejandro just called, and the smugglers won’t release the ‘shipment’ until you pay $25,000 more.” (I would make the air quotes with my fingers, too.)
Then, a couple of minutes later, I’d come back and say, “I can never remember. How do you spell ‘licentious'”?
And a few minutes later, “The police are in the lobby again. They said something about having a warrant this time.”
Thanks, Tina-cious!
Really? Here’s what I’d do:
Read YSaC while the VIPs are there.
Burst out laughing* wildly for obvious reasons.
When the VIPs come around to see what’s wrong with me, continue to laugh, but change it so I appear to be laughing at the Google homepage.
When asked about it, respond, “Nitrous Oxide is the new LSD, man!”
*I do a mean (and pretty creepy) Joker laugh.
Don’t forget to quote memes at them. “I can’t figure out this catmath…” “What do I think of my boss? I give him elebenty doors!” “Goodbye, and bees be upon you”
Which Joker laugh – the live action show from the ’60s, the animated show from the ’90s, the first Batman movie, or the most recent Batman movie?
I’m just curious.
Go with the 90’s cartoon version! That was the best Joker voice
Well, it’s mostly the Mark Hamill laugh, except I can’t get quite as obnoxiously high and raucous as his, so it’s to an extent just the low to mid-range chuckling.
Also, B:TAS is FTW! Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill are the only Batman and Joker I will accept as the true interpretations of the characters outside of the comics.
The only reason I know who Mark Hamil is, is because of Darksiders.*
*Yes, my life revolves around video games.
This is the guy Mark Hamil does the voice of in Darksiders, if anyone cares. I doubt anyone does, and yet I’m putting the link there anyways. It’s just a picture.
http://media.ign.com/darksiders/img/characters/lge/watcher.jpg
Like I said above, my life revolves around video games.
NMN, please tell me you are joking and not that you don’t know that Mark Hamil is best known as Luke Skywalker. I will not accept age as an excuse.
Luke Skywalker is evil*? Holy Crap!!**
*Joker? Evil. Watcher(see link)? Evil.
**No, I didn’t know that; I wasn’t born in the generation that grew up with the original series, sorry about that. You will HAVE to accept that excuse.
Nyet. If my friend’s five year old can name the actors who played all of the lead characters (including Peter Mayhew, Anthony Daniels and Kenny Baker), I’m not accepting it and you have to wear the Poncho of Shame. Now where did LRC leave it? And where the hell is she anyway?
There is no excuse!
::is depressed::
I was born the year RotJ came out. I’ve seen all of the originals too many times to count. My husband, who is only a year younger than I, hadn’t seen any of them before we got married.
What is this world coming to???
I would rather wear the Poncho of Shame than the shirt from yesterday.
Slightly mind boggling to me. Original SW came out in ’77 when I was a junior in HS. It was in a last pre-release in the Dallas market, so it opened with little advance marketing. I remember a radio DJ talking about “the new space movie” and wondering if anyone was going to go see it over the weekend.
It was a time where FX and SFX were very limited. Star Trek, with its tv budgets was one limit, War of the Worlds, or Forbidden planet were another.
So, the opening scene, with the Star Destroyer over-flying the Rebel ship was brand new, an entire new dimension in the movies. The fact it was a Western, a story line as compelling and inviting as any oater ever made also worked. The rest, as the adage goes, is history.
What are you guys talking about?
Yeah, I’m not stupid….who is that? Taco? Hammy?
Did someone say PONCHO??
Sorry to be out of touch. I went to Dragon*Con. Back now.
(side note: OMG! So much awesome at Dragon*Con! Yay geeks!)
Luke, we are speaking of the time before your broken nose {G}
My first summons that worked!
Welcome back LRC! I’d hug you but..well..you know…poncho cooties.
Oh, I’m gonna try to summon now.
“Where’s Jesus when you need him?”
[Kiwi nostalgia answer]In the butter conditioner, where he should be![/Kiwi]
[Almost-hometime-atheist answer]In the fiction section, where he should be.[/All hail FSM]
How about an impressive-looking folder with a printout of this ad handed to each of the VIPs?
Why does Sparky demand his fictitious office workers be young and attractive? “Attractive” could cover a number of gray areas, given the wide and seemingly endless variety of fetishes out there. I could get numerous facial piercings, paint myself purple, dye my hair day-glo pink, and wear a leisure suit of florescent blue artificial Not. A. Lion fur and there is a fair bet that there would be someone somewhere who would find that “attractive”. Not that I would actually do that – I look horrible in pink.
You left off the Tacothong…..
Grampdaddy,
Put it back on NOW!
NEVER! – I know where Taco’s had it, and I ain’t touchin’ it. Period. End of discussion. No.
HamCan! Stop chewing on the Taco thong right now! Drop it boy! DROP IT! Good doggie!
I was trying to bury it, not chew it…
Oh oh I knew a girl with day-glo pink hair and had a crush on her. But I was young and stupid.*
*I still am.
Sounds like you’re a raver? Bonus points if you put up a disco ball, strobe lights, and blast electronica in Sparky’s office.
You’ve almost described the look I keep threatening to come to work with. My office has a business casual dress code, but because we are in the beauty industry we are allowed any color hair, piercings and tattoos. I really want to get a bunch of fake facial piercings, temporary tattoos, dye my hair five different shades of dayglo, and wear my most conservative grey suit just to see if I can get away with it.
I wish my workplace was as lax about the dress code. A few weeks after I first started, I *tried* to dye my hair a nice dark auburn. The first few days, it was the color of cherry Kool-aid. I was given a stern verbal warning and reminded that we have “conservative older customers.”
Or you could just print out the comments from last Saturday and yesterday, walk up to him and say, “If I get one more of your perverted emails, I’ll sue. What is this supposed to mean, ‘Warty Penis Dalek’?”
“And I’m not wearing your stupid office t-shirt for casual Friday, either!”
“Al Queda on Line Four, sir. He’s tired of waiting.”
*Your mother called, she’s out of rehab and needs a ride.”
“I couldn’t get Sinful Cindy for your party this weekend, but Madam claims Jailbait Jen is just as limber, and has her own bubble machine.”
“TacoMagic on line one sir!”
Happy morning after your birthday, Windy!
Hey, I resemble that remark! Apart from the being-jailbait bit. Or the ‘just as limber’ thing (unless Sinful Cindy is a plank of wood). But I do totally covet a bubble machine!
Did you survive the earthquake OK?
Aww, thanks. 🙂 Yeah, all good on the faultline, all the damage was down South in the Flat And Calm City. No casualties, only two serious injuries and a couple of beautiful old buildings gone. Everyone’s just counting their blessings, really. And mildly shocked that the news has spread so far afield!
Oh good, I hadn’t seen you post in a while and was worried!
Shucks. 🙂 Just been busy with work and extra-curricular funtimes is all. I did check in yesterday, but was too thoroughly squicked out to comment. And thinking about it has put me off lunch.
YSaC – “From Lionel Ritchie Cheese Heads to Amazing Shirts, we’re the only diet plan you’ll ever need!”
By the way – ALL HAIL CHRISTINA! – Her Saturday round-up was spot-on, covered all the bases, copious, and she did it without any helping hands.
It must have been hard to get all of it down.
I quite enjoyed it.
And no, I did not kill Astro. But he’s been doing some nice work on the YSaClopedia, so killing him would be too great a loss at this time.
Awww, thanks Bridgey-B-Zizzle!
“Shoulder knees = BEWBS!!” ?
Only in Lovecraft’s dreams.
Oh, you weren’t here for that, were you? Innana, for a while, switched to a picture of knees because Taco was rather fixated on her assets. So he became fixated with her knees. Then she switched back to her current avatar, and Taco remarked that boobs were “kind of like the knees of the shoulder”. Granted, this is mostly just a clavin*.
*According to the YSaCtionary.
I still think there should be entries on commenters. Obviously no personal information, just what they are like, or what their avatar(s) represent.
I do, too, but there are some problems I can see:
1.) Determining who gets a page and who doesn’t.
2.) Who should write a page on a specific commenter? Themselves? Someone else?
But if you want to do it, join the Wiki and start writing said pages.
Well see, you should write (type?) it Astro; you seem honest enough, and you ask people questions and get their answers and that’s what you put in the wiki.
As to who gets a page, If you have not posted enough comments to make a reasonable impression on your personality, or if you havn’t posted a comment for three weeks, you don’t get a spot. This is also a way to get more people familiar with posting comments, and thus we get new snark from new people, and lower the lurker population.
See, I disagree on no page if you haven’t posted in three weeks, which shoots down historic regulars who left a great impression on the site, such as HHNF.
But if they aren’t posting anymore…people who go to the wiki most likely won’t have seen any comments from them, so won’t have any questions about them. Also, just go through the archives, figure out their personality from their posts, explain what they did for the site that was so historic, and say that they no longer comment on the site. Have two sections, recent commenters and retired snarkers.
Astro’s right that there are some who had a major impact on the site who haven’t commented in a while. We actually still refer to them occasionally, too, so newbies MIGHT have questions about them.
That said, you should join the wiki and start writing your impressions of us. The beauty of the wiki is…we can always edit what we don’t like. 🙂
Awww, crap I’m in trouble…
I submitted a request to join The YsaClopedia. You will know it’s me because I mentioned “yao guai” again.*
*No one got it, so….it’s from Fallout 3.
How will I know I’ve been accepted to The YSaClopedia? Will Bridgete send me an e-mail, or will the message be in the mailbox at wikispaces?
Clothespin Jeebus Spice Christ will come to you in a dream and bestow upon you a the chicken stachue of Wiki enrollment.
Looks like you confirmed your email address before I approved you so wikispaces should have sent you an email. If not…well…what Hammy said. 😉
Hmmm….got it.
Guess I’ll start with HamCan. Also, I’ve never done a wiki page, so it might take me awhile to become competent at it.
Edit: Aaaaand….I’m already stumped. Tags? Maybe I should just not do this……
Took me an hour, but I finally worked up the courage to actually do a HamCan page…..since it’s a wiki, I tried to keep the funny to a minimum.
By the way, I’m bolding things that I will eventually add links to another page to.
The internet is SRS business.
Funny should be kept to a maximum to compensate.
Also, considering some other stuff that warrants a page more, I hardly think Jailbait Jen and Sinful Cindy deserve pages of their own. I mean, we don’t even have a page for Bacontini or Not.A.Lion. yet!
We have unlimited pages, so I wouldn’t worry about having too many in terms of the space on the wiki. However, maybe Jailbait Jen and Sinful Cindy should be on one page, along with any similar creations. Something like, “made up characters.”
Nice work so far though, NMN. 🙂
I don’t think I should write my own page, taht should be up to someone else.
Edit: Whoops, that, not “taht.”
Another suggestion: Stop adding everybody’s page to the navigation, and create a page entitled “Regulars” which would be like a table of contents. After all, at the last count (June) we had something like 40 regulars.
I don’t know how.
I’d do it myself, but Wikispaces does something weird with their cookies, and there’s a lot of stuff I can’t access as a result. Maybe Bridgete could do it/show you?
Should I just get rid of the “Include Page List” thing?
Get rid of widget, add a Home link to homepage, then create pages for like, Regulars?
Home was the page Wikispaces automatically created. I think we have to have the side navigation, but since I have moderator access, I’ll see if there’s something I can do so that the navigation doesn’t get clogged up with pages. I’m doing the crossword with my mom right now (we do it online — NY Times has a “solve with a friend” thing) so I’ll have to look later.
Okay, I have an idea. I’m working on it now.
Edit: In a minute, I’m going to put a message in the “discussion” tab on the home page to explain what I did and how you all can create pages that are consistent with what I did. 🙂
No offense, but I thought of these earlier:
Home = obvious
Credits = obvious
Not.A.Real.Person = made up people
Regular Snarkers = me, Taco, Astro, etc
Legends = drmk, matt, corey
YSaCtionary = obvious
For Sale! = tables, paintings, yadda yadda
Please Support = a page that links to the page where you can buy YSaC merchandise
Just an idea. What do you think, Bridgete?
Only hamcan impression I could do would be to roll on the floor and invite belly rubs.
Uhhhh…..I did it wrong….I still don’t understand. Tryed to put SilvaNoir under “Regulars” aaaaand…..it didn’t work. Sorry about that Bridgete.
Edit: Never mind. Figured it out.
I like the page names. I figured we could be more creative later, I just wanted to get the organizational bit out of the way.
Thanks Grampdaddy! Astro added his as well and actually took the time to spell check and use proper sentences, plus he hit a few good jokes out of the park that I completely missed. Many adores, Astro!
I’d just start a small fire in the bathroom, go in there, come out yelling “Fire!”, and spraying down all the VIPs with a fire extinguisher. But that’s just me. Or I’d just tell the VIPs that I don’t work there and the guy* is just paying us all to be there to impress them.
Also, this guy apparently thinks VIPs will be impressed if his workplace looks like it’s in the movies, with hot** and attractive people only working there.
*You just know it’s a guy.
**I’m just assuming.
Hey, can I show up with warrants and writs and the like to serve for obvious age discrimination? I bet that would impress the VIPs.
I suppose sending the Marshalls over to raid the place for illegal use of the computers mught be a bit over the top–but, I hear VIPs are always impressed by full body cavity searches . . .
And this is different from any other office how?
He’s giving permission, instead of just looking the other way?
Hey, the extras (note no mention being paid scale*) could collude to surf sites for most unique pr0n. They could then yell out what they found: “Monkey pr0n!” “Pinniped Pr0n!” “Deluded Sparqi pr0n!”
__________________________________
*Yes, no mention of compensation at all; but an excellent case for the legal beagles for SAG to come and demand a pound of flesh, at union scale, and damages, too. Poor, poor (soon to be impoverished) pitiful Sparquee {g}
Prawn Pr0n!
That made me think of this:
Tron* pron!
*Movie.
Considering Tron is Taco’s little one, that’s just sick.
Wait….I didn’t mean it like that…..guess I’m going to lurker status. Bye.
I honest-to-god did not mean that. Should I actually go to lurker status? I swear, Taco, I did not mean that. Because I will leave if you want me to. I’m not kidding here.
I’m sure Taco knows that you didn’t mean his Tron. You even put an asterisk by Tron and explained you meant the movie. I just pointed out an unfortunate way that could be read. I don’t see a reason for you to stop commenting just because something could be read another way than the way you intended it. We’d lose more than half of our fambily if that was the rule.
Yes. For example:
Now, while that is a false statement as it applies to me, it can be read one way, or another. It is, as the french may or may not say, a double entendre.
Ok. I was about to leave the YSaClopedia too, just in case.
Well, without recourse of asking our favorite barrister, the French might utter “entendre a’doux”–but, I do not know if the French use the expression, as constructed, as we do in English. Not wanting to be the french equivalent of Sparq and “a’vous Français sucez.”
Most companies have hobopron.com blocked?
**winks at christina**
Did you see my videos?
I sure did, and I’ll never look at a “will work for food” sign the same way again. *shudders*
I hesitate to imagine the “work.” Does it involve pulling a rickshaw?*
*If anyone knows what I’m referencing, just know that I’ve only seen that episode once.
Really, I’d like type something to make this funnier, but I got nothing.
Maybe this magic t-shirt will help you come up with something.
Wait, Sparq and the VIPs are making a rush at a trio of these volunteers?
Which makes this a perverse blend of dodgeball and dogpile?
Hey, this is some sorta pre-verted sex thang, ain’ it!?
I’M JUST GOING TO THROW THIS OUT HERE (IT’S IN ALL CAPS TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION): drmk, YOU SHOULD TRY TO GET SOMEONE TO PUT A CHATROOM ONTO THE SITE. THAT WAY PEOPLE CAN TALK ABOUT RANDOM STUFF, AND WILL ALSO KNOW WHO IS THERE TO JUST TALK. JUST A SUGGESTION. TYPING ALL CAPS IS ANNOYING. I’m done with that forever. Ignore all this if you want, but I don’t know how people can type all caps….maybe it’s because they use the caps lock function, whereas I stay as far away from it as possible. Anyways, drmk, it’s just an idea. Don’t hurt me for suggesting that the site isn’t good enough, it is. It’s great. I should stop talking now.
Silly NMN, everyone knows Chatrooms encourage Lolspeak and make your palms go blind and your eyes grow hair.
In response to that, you should know this is coming….
WTF BRB LOL LMAO LMFAO AFK BBQ OMG ROFL ROFLCOPTER….
Meh, I play WoW, so it’s not that bad to me.
Lie after Lie
By:
Middlefinger
I remember faking work for an hour or two
Every day, you bring big wigs in with you
Looking out from my lonely cube, day after day
Bring them in, babby, make it soon
I’ll surf the web for you
I remember holding meetings so you could cheat
All day, I heard the lies that you leak
Looking out of my lonely cube, day after day
Bring them in, babby, make it soon
I’ll surf the web for you
*golf clap*
*appreciative nods*
I just realized I don’t understand the title at the top of the page.
I assumed it was something else to say to Sparky in front of his guests?
Oooooh I get it….
“Yeah, it’s over there near my mongoose.”
Edit: Mongoose is NOT a euphemism.
Don’t feel bad, I only get about half of them.
You could also wear all your clothes back-to-front, answer any question with the word ‘aardvark’, or just be sure to smell of whisky.
Or you could just grow a beard and go dressed as
Robert PattinsonMr. Winkey.Ooh, ooh! I want to dress up in a 60’s era costume, à la Mad Men, and smell of whiskey.
What’s wrong with whiskey? Philistines.
Easier to wash out of clothes than plum brandy.
Attracts fewer wasps than Boone’s Farm (and less embarassing to ask for at the liquor store).
Smell of whiskey, but wear one of those pine tree car air freshener things as a necklace. Carry around an obviously empty coffee cup and keep pretending to drink out of it.
BHWAHAHAHAHAA!
Bucket of ice filled with flasks all hand-labeled “Bleach”!
(Zam pak to and Rukia Kuchiki costume optional {G})
Act Like an Office Worker for one afternoon
*Anagram fun*
Kookier Welfare Caffeine Cartoon On Front (Mr. Winkey’s newest T-shirt)
Fanfare, Acetone Crooner Finlike Footwork (Flammable fish dances and sings)
Kinfolk Enforce Ocarina Footwear Oftener (Hillbillies are flute of foot)
Officer, Take Antenna off Loonier Coworker (Cop removes crazy cube mate’s foil hat)
Foreknown, like Oceanfront Cafeteria Roof (Restaurant shingles made of tarot cards?)
*Warning: Video game reference*
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Offices?
Slightly OT, but I won’t eat at a place downtown because its name is Enoteca. All I can think of is that it is acetone backwards and that kills my appetite. Yes, I’m odd.
Don’t worry, I’m odd too……
Two people have replied to this comment so I refuse to reply. :p
But…you just di-
*Head-splosion*
I wonder what he plans on paying these workers.
I wonder what type of business he runs that:
1) He is the only one employed at one particular office
2) The VIPs don’t follow payroll enough to notice that last week they were only paying one fella but now there are 6 people in the office
3) Sparky needs an office at all – I thought most emails scams were run from home/mother’s basement/South America.
Oh I know. He “manufatures” Most Amazing Shirts.
Edit: And that’s why he needs “attractive” employees…he’s having a hard time and needs “assistance.”
What line? THERE WAS NO LINE!!!!
I’m surprised no one said anything to this…..
Don’t feel bad, no one says anything to most of my posts…
*Whispers* I think they are trying not to encourage me.
P.S. Margarine.
You shouldn’t even have access to margarine. Try peanut butter instead (I sure hope I figured out why you always say margarine, because if I’m wrong then this is awkward).
Peanut butter is for Lola’s toes.
Oh, that’s why she’s been absent!
I’m totally going to reply to everything you’ve posted so far Hammy. Mind, I didn’t say my replies will make any sense. 😀
The margerine remark from Hammy goes back to me cutting him off from dairy after he told me that butterfinger is what he calls his alone time.
*Must buy stronger brain bleach.
That’s OK, most of my posts don’t make sense either 😉
I’m gonna go with subtlety on this one. I’ll show up looking very professional and appear to be very hard at work, typing very important memos. I’ll greet the VIPs with submissive politeness and show great reverence for the big shot boss.
I’ll then collect my pay and leave quietly before anyone realizes that my “memos” were malicious code, my web surfing was to every known phishing site and that I decided to help clean up the network by deleting unimportant items in the registry.*
*Something tells me Sparky isn’t smart enough to block admin access to casual users.
Beautiful.
Hey, I said that 5 minutes ago, ^ up there some’where. Man, I feel so less original now {pouts}
Worse than unoriginal, Cap’n, you’re thinking like me. When you start saying “good morning” to the NPR hosts and singing songs to your pets about how terrible their breath is, make an appointment with the therapist.
Singing is not much a worry, not being able to carry a tune with handles bolted on it.
Don’t listen to NPR much, but I’ll tell a Point-of-Sale device it’s welcome when it displays “Thank you” at me after the intermable wait for the SykNet to deign to notice we biologicals.
I may be luck, my catulator does not have stinky breath (but he will engage in happy cat flatulence at maximum purr).
I’ve read him TS Eliot though (and you have to “do” the voices, it is Eliot after all).
I speak along with the Kroger self check out seeing as I have her whole routine memorized. When she gets to “Do you have any coupons?” I just yell “NO” and mash the button before she can ask me about coinstar. Considering my local Kroger is usually full of college kids in jammies and crazies who always mutter to themselves, I don’t think I’ve yet earned the notice of the employees for this.
I turn the voice off at the self checkout.
Probably better. A professor I know always selects Magyar for the voice.
What he does not appreciate is that he’s the only person who knows how to read the “Select Language” button after he goes . . .
*If the ad was posted by Snoop Dog*
Act Like an Office Wo’ka’ fo’ one afternoon*
—————————————————
I need 5 attractive yung sucka’s t’pretend likes dey wo’k in mah’ office so’s I kin impress some VIP’s when ah’ brin’ dem by on Monday, 11/9. You’s gots’ta simply show down at 2pm, wait fo’ me t’come at 3 wid mah’ guests, den pretend ah’ am some big shot Man and act busy (print stashs, call de office rap rod line, hand me messages and documents fo’ approval, etc. Co’ got d’ beat!) fo’ some few minutes when dey is around. We gots clunkers and internet connecshuns so’s ya’ is free t’surf de net fo’ 90% uh de time. Just be “on” fo’ de few minutes ah’ need ya’.
*I know, Al Sharpton line 2.
“Hand me the rap rod, plate captain.”
“We’re having a great time: food, wine, a little personal abuse, and the universe going foom.”
Geez, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.
“Didn’t I tell you? I’ve got a brain the size of the planet. No one ever listens to me of course.”
Yo dawg, I heard you like replies to your comments, so I tricked out dis space wit a minty reply! How you like me now?
This is not her story.
Forty-two
” ‘Slartibardfast’ like I said, it’s not important.”
Well, I must have chased Lola off, or caused her to post under another name. I have made myself sad.
By the way Sparky, 11/9 is a TUESDAY.
Ijit.
Um, this ad was from 2009. I found it languishing in my “Yes” pile.
So take note: just because a submission doesn’t appear right away doesn’t mean it won’t appear eventually!
Why does drmk have a different color…..I’ve never noticed it before. There’s no real point, we all know who the llama-nun is, bees be upon her.
Edit: I did NOT mean for that to sound rude….
Edit2: Ahhggghhh….it still sounds rude….sorry drmk.
It’s just part of the style sheet or something. Whoever is listed as the author of the post gets a different color when they comment. When Dan writes a post and I comment, it doesn’t happen.
Oddly, the color seems to be held over from the previous theme I used for the site, and I can’t figure out how to change it.
Darnit, and here I thought I was smarter than Sparky.
TBS, if you put your underwear on backwards every day, brushed your teeth with corn syrup and rode a pogo stick to work every day, you’d still be smarter than Sparky.
Mmmmmm…..corn syrup……
What?
mayonaise.
Is my web cam on?
Margarine!
HamCan, have you read the entry on you? No one is going to fall for the margarine trick ever again.
Margarinas better be on sale!
Hey, I just noticed….”4,511 people like You Suck at Craigslist” looks like “4,511 people like you suck at Craigslist.” Please tell me someone else understands what I’m saying….
There used to be sign I saw every day on my way to work:
Natural Hair Care Products!
Was this an ad for hair care products made from natural ingredients or products for the care of natural hair? The world may never know.
Punctuation is so essential during these times, don’t you think? You can place it wherever you would like to reflect your different moods.
I’m-a-joiner mood:
4,511 people like: You Suck at Craigslist
Low-Self-Esteem mood:
4,511 people, like you, Suck at Craigslist
Valley Girl mood:
4,511 people, like, You Suck at Craigslist
Indecisive Insult mood:
4,511 people like You Suck… at Craigslist
My name sucks (but I’m popular) mood:
4,511 people like you, Suck, at Craigslist
Even without punctuation, the English language can be marvelously ambiguous. For example, we all know what “You suck at Craigslist”means in this context, but it could also mean that one is sucking while present at Craigslist, or that one is sucking ON some part of Craigslist.
Craigslist has teats?
AWESOME!
I did NOT need that image in my head….cows are forever ruined for me now, Hammy….thanks.
The importance of punctuation:
“Let’s eat, Grandma!”
vs.
“Let’s eat Grandma!”
I think Grampdaddy say’s both of those quite often…
What?
**sits and waits for Gramps to make a funny and/or MandaB to be squicked out by Hammy talking about her mother like that.**
Well, I do most of the cooking, so I guess that could be true.
But I don’t call her Grandma – more often, ‘Honey’.
Which, of course, takes me to the subject of bee-keeping. Our motto: ‘Be Healthy, Eat Your Honey’.
Japanese Beetle Traps.
I’m sorry but….WTF?
Traps for Japanese Beetles or Beetle Traps made in Japan?
What do they have to do with the comment you were responding to? I understand what you are saying, but there’s no punctuation to confuse people.
“Act Like an Office Worker for one afternoon.”
I did this for many afternoons for many years. With benefits.*
*No, not that kind. The insurance and 401(k) kind.
Taco? Why is my mouse acting weird? Why is my computer not working? Do you speak english? Why are you an IT guy? Are you annoyed by stupid questions like this? I know I would be……
I think it’s a loose nut behind the keyboard.
I see what you did there…hmmmm….
*looks in keyboard*
Why is there margar- HAMMY!
Margarine goes on the “mouse” not the keyboard…sheesh
Well, obviously there was “spray,” Hammy.
Hmm, spray margarine=Pam
How convenient, now I don’t have to carry those pesky sticks around anymore.
Thanks!
I heard Pam’s hired extra security since the Borat incident. But she is a member of PETA so she might fall for the puppy costume.
I thought she went into the insurance business, what with NationPam and all?
HamCan, is that your dog? Or is it just something you found on the internet?
She is mine, her name is Ana.
All my avatars are or were my dogs.
Even the picture of Canned Ham?
That ones goes in the, “or were” category.
What?
What a lovely mental image to go to bed with. Thanks.
‘Night all.
Is it just us four commenting now? Because I have a question about SilvaNoir, or rather her art.
Click on her name and it will take you to her Deviant Art page, she has an email addy there.
What would like you like to know about me or my art?
My avatar is Vinnie the vampire rat, from a comic I”ve been making for the past couple of years. He carries an unbluber on sunny days because you know how vampires are with the sun. The lineart to this particular picture was done by a friend (who almost exclusively drawns cute animals) and I colored it.
I wanted to know if you do anime. Not comics, just pictures.
There’s an entire section of my deviantart gallery devoted to Bleach fanart (the anime/manga “Bleach” not brain bleach or the household detergent). Also scattered through is some fanart of Blame! , Blood+ … and even one of a SailorMoon character (redesigned).
Most are in my own style, however.
The one that’s most popular and has an anime style would be this:
http://silvanoir.deviantart.com/art/Raven-in-the-shell-25044098
a crossover between “The Ghost in the Shell” tv series and the “Teen Titans” cartoon.
It’s a 5 year old drawing and looking at it now, the gun and her the way her arms are drawn is terrible.
1) I know what Bleach is. I’m 18, anime is kinda my generation’s shtick.
2) I meant art that looks like anime but isn’t from an actual manga.
Oh, and I like art too….but I don’t have any programs for making art…..or any idea how to start, or where to get said programs. Do you know where I could get them (legally)?
Nope… I don’t do anything anime style unless it’s fanart of an anime, and even then most of the time I draw it my own way.
What do you mean, YOUR generation? I grew up on Sailor Moon (and the boys around me on Dragonball Z) which were both airing when you were just a toddler.
So….I can’t just email you some images and ask/pay you to combine them into an anime-like image?
Edit: Or a description?
Free and legal programs- (I’ll list them one at a time, because this site doesn’t like multiple links)
Oekaki is free, and you draw online. You can’t make great art with it, but it’s fun to play around with.
http://www.oekakicentral.com/fp/fp1/index2.php
Gimp is also free http://www.gimp.org/
I hear it is photoshop-like but I’ve never used it
My FAVORITE free program is Open Canvas 1.1
http://wistinga.online.fr/opencanvas/
It is what I drew the llamanun, not.a.lion, and Windrose’s avatar in.
It is for drawing only, not photo editing
You drawing will come out best if you know the basics of art and have a tablet, not a mouse. You can draw with a mouse… but it’s harder.
Catmath was done in PaintshopPro7, but that it not free
MONEY FOR MY ART? I LIKE MONEY!
If you want anime-style, I can give it my best shot ^_^
Ummm how much is a tablet, and will it work with a laptop (if you know)?
This is the tablet I have http://www.wacom.com/bamboo/bamboo_fun.php
and it works fine with my new laptop. As long as your latop has a somewhat decent graphics card, memory available, and a usb port, it will work. Doesn’t matter if it’s a mac or a pc.
Best Buy has a wacom in black for $70 (if you don’t have BestBuy where you are, try another store or site that sells computers/electronics)
There are places without Best Buys?
Edit: Thanks for the info.
Ja, s’called Not-America.
Well you could be in another country, for all I know, or some rural out-of-the-way area.
EDIT: what Jen said
and you’re welcome
“I’m poor and need money. I like to draw. Let’s make a deal!”
I cracked up when I read that.
{nostalgia}
We were getting Metal Hurlant from France in the mid-70’s and had a number of debates on whether the US-produced Heavy Metal was better or worse. (Really moot, as the Continenta; content was hald in esperantu, and subtitled when not; by 1980, the text was re-inked anyway.)
In case I wanted more props, I know some of the nice folk at Aniplex who are bringing us pruduct here in the US. Mind you, I’ve connections to people at id productions (but from before the Quake III debacle).
Now, I also have to admit to having cut out the “middle man” in going straight to an IBM/Lenovo X41 ThinkPad tablet. No separate interdace to keep up drivers for (or clutter a bag). Also, pretty cool handwithing recognition available for all programs. The feedback is right there on screen, too. Something I find a bit more natural than a tablet periphreal.
Downside is that tablet PCs run to 2x cost of “regular” laptops (the Lenovo X201–tres uver cool–has an MSRP of $1650, but, you are getting stylus, touchstick, glidepoint, AND smarttouch on the screen for input at that price; $400 cheaper w/o smarttouch).
The very first animes I ever saw, and some of the first animated movies I actually remember watching were Unico and Kimba the White Lion. Of course, being 3 or so at the time, I had no idea what anime was or that they were from Japan. SailorMoon was the first thing I was aware of growing up that was a cartoon from Japan.
I still want Unico on DVD, but its rights are tied up to the point it proabably never will be.
[blockquote]EDIT: what Jen said[/blockquote]
Hehe, sorry, Silva, I’m all up in your brainspace today. Off home now though, whee!!
The first animes I remember seeing were DBZ, Pokemon, and Sailor Moon (and I’m a guy; awkward*).
*Wait…scratch that….anime girls have…errr….large “assets.” Don’t deny it, look up any anime and show me a teenage anime girl who does not have large “assets.” I’ll wait….forever.
It’s ok, lots of guys watched SailorMoon for the very same reason (girls in short skirts). Sailor Moon herself is only 14 at the start of the show but with an 18 year old’s body.
Worst offender of this is Yoko from Gurren Lagann. Go ahead and google image search her. I won’t post a link due to her teeny-weeny-bikini. She’s also meant to be 14 at the start of the show (yeah, right!)
Hmmm….now that I think about it….I can’t think of any Japanese video games where there are any teenage (or older) girls without large “assets.” Maybe this is why Dead Fantasy* appeals to me….oh and the combat.
*Don’t know what it is? Go to Gametrailers right now!! Or not. Whatever.
As for animes that do feature girls that are drawn with appropriate bodies for their age (and not big “assets”)
look up the character designs of by Yoshitoshi ABe
especially Serial Experiments Lain or Haibane Renmei
example:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Reki_and_Rakka.jpg
Since we’ve swerved so far OT, and it being Monday on my timezone . . .
Abe is up there on my list of character designers. With Yatate and some of his ilk. I’m a huge Watenabe fan, and really like how he seems to inspire Kano Yoko to come up with incredible musical scores for his projects.
As to build, age and garb in anime, I find it fascinating that this is considered so de rigure that “fan service” is almost required, if not de facto necessary. (Yet another reason I am a GITS fan.)
Requirements of anime that will attract guys:
1) Girls must have super-model like assets;
2) girls must be in their teens; and
3) girls must be in revealing clothing.
Oh forgot:
4) Girls must be in compromising situations; and
5) There must be alot of fight scenes and double entendres, for the older guys.
Tell me, how many of those points can you see in your favorite anime?
Edit: Then again, I never really said I was compaining about the anime.
Please, someone reassure me that nothing is wrong with me. I’m worried at this point.
LoL! You are 18, whether you are right or worn stil lvaries with the time of day. Biologically you are neither fish nor fowl as well. You still have seven more years fore the reamining skeletal cartillige begins to ossify. You have, presumably, been taught how to think. But, you have not had enough time to decide upon what to think about. All while surrounded by more stimuli than a gymnasium full of parakeets and kittens.
In olden, less-enlightened days, we would have dressed you i nlayers of wool clothing given you a rifle and a pack and made you run and hike and close order drill until spent. You would then have excellent focus for a few hours until the cycle needed repeating.
Those were not the glory days, just the olden ones. 18 y/o were just as screwed up (or not) then as they are now. They just had sweat a lot more to no great gain. (Tho- dehydration and sleep deprivation will tend to prevent insomnia from debating whether a person is messed up or not.)
My day is ended, finally, and I can now away, to wend my two hours’ home again.
Good night Dunder-Mifflin
What is squick, exactly? I want to add it to the YSaCtionary.
1) Think about yesterday’s posting.
2) Think about picking up yesterday’s posting.
3) Think about your reaction to (1) and (2).*
That’s ‘squick’
*or think about rubbing the “puppy’s” tummy…..
*Wags*
“Squeamish” plus “icky” with an imperitive sort of immediacy and an adhesive-like inability to be rid of.
Dang it, should have posted that in the Dictionary [faceplam]
I don’t think squick counts as a YSaC term because it is widely used elsewhere. In fact, EB or someone recently posted a link to a squickipedia.
Well, that’s something which will complicate any dictionary, we tend to have to include terms used elsewhere for those with less experience on other sites.
This is an on-going debate when ever FAQ are compiled. Having been the consultant hired to do all that writing, getting the people who enjoy pointless meetings from wanting the Encyclopedia Galactica tucked into the FAQ “but not in a busy cluttered way, it needs to be ‘friendly’ to people who don’t use a computer that often”–which causes a need to “resist using the Fist of Death” all too often.
We had an entire Volume on the “q” for “g” substitution, so that’s clearly YSAC dictionary. Whether we ought also note “p” for “o” substitution, use of “hte” “fo” “fro” and the like wil lbe debatable.
At least that’s what I think. Today. Tomorrow might be different.
Ickyness.
(This is an answer to NMN request for a definition of of “squick”.)
Another question for the YsaCtionary, one I’ve been stumped about for awhile….
What is this —-> {G}
Cap’n-Mac-speak for big grin. {g} is little grin. Goes back to the dawn of the intertubes when you were but a twinkle in your paternal parental unit’s proverbial.
T-shirt?
Captain’s version of a grin
annnnnd I was beaten to the answer
As was I (but True Blood season ender was on, too)
To NMN, both Silva and Jen are quite correct. Goes back to the most ancient of days before GUI when applications were all monochrome text on a dark background.
So, one of the hip new applications was word processing. And if you needed to change appearance, tag foot or end notes, leave comments, you needed control tags. Many of these used “angle brackets” (that is one of the reasons they are used in html today, they are “control charcters”).
You type out a thesis or two in this lovely pre-Windows, pre-WYSIWTG world, and certain keystrokes will become natural, reflexive, even.
Then, this spiffy thing called IRC (Internet Relay Chat) came out. Strictly text, very much like IM/Chat is today, except you had the entire screen width to type within. This was before emoticons, too. With a high percentage of nerds and academics and the like, who would forget that biting wit and satire require emotional content to be recognized as humor.
So, a body would include emotions tagged as “code” which could then be applied to swathes of text as needed. One would apply <rant> <sarcasm> even <winging> to messages. A common suffix was <grin>, <GRIN> when stronger stuff was mete. These contracted to <g> and <G>.
I still use these things elsewhere, I cannot here as the Ajax assumes and then compiles anything within <> as html. If that code is not recognized, it is ignored and not displayed. Took me a long bit to notice not one of my <g> had “took”, so I have to change convention to {} instead. I use french (fancy) brackets to help prevent confusion with our meme-related tags (and from too many years of using square brackets for manikins while teaching code–in the form of [filename] or [address]@[domain] in gratuitois example).
Idiot editor.
“winging” ought read “winge”
Dang avatar isn’t working….guess I need a second email address and gravatar account for a sock puppet? Now it won’t change back to skull, away from vader.
Edit: OF COURSE it changes after I complain about it not changing.
I was at fupenguin.com, and I got to the Komodo Dragon. I left because 1) there were WAY too many expletives, and 2) no one seems too respectful. Oh yes, let’s blame the animals for having humans take pictures of them. It’s TOTALLY not the humans’ fault for taking embarrassing photos. I’m not going to that blog anymore, plus the blog owner keeps hawking their book. It’s annoying. I’m ranting, I know, but I’m REALLY annoyed at this site. It’s supposed to be funny, but instead it’s extremely offensive. Sorry about this long rant of anger, you should just ignore.
Ok, not annoyed at this site, I meant that site. And you should just ignore ME.
I don’t like that site either… I don’t get it. Cursing out an animal because it is cute or odd is a very one-note joke, something that might only get a slight chuckle on a sitcom.
Well, the only other thing I could imagine was that the authors come from places where all language is laced with invective, imprecation, profanity and expletives.
{Sigh} Language is a tool, why some insist on bludgeoning with a broadaxe when a mere puncture with a main gauche would suffice remains beyonf my ken (and much afeart of those whose FitReps I am required to fil lwith verbiage).
Ooooh weapons…..This is gonna take awhile….
Katana, flamberge, wakizashi, ninjite, shaolin spade, trench knife, claymore, shuriken, halberd, foil, rapier, lance, spear, gladius, nunchaku, you said main gauche, broad axe, great axe / hammer / sword, crossbow, longbow, shortbow, brass knuckles, whip, scythe, scickle, cleaver, blowgun, machete, garotte, running out of steam here (notice theres no guns?), bayonet, aaaaand….uhhh ryyk blades*?
*Extraordinarily obscure reference, if you know what the heck they are, kudos to you.
Hey, NMN, check the Forum.
So….basically, you are trying to politely tell me to stop babbling here, and post it in the forums instead?
Edit: Never mind. Found it.
I was just experimenting with google, typing in YSaCtionary….I got to YSaCti, and it suggested CACTI, as in the plural form of cactus. Also, Google has some kind of new programming which is kind of annoying.
Edit: I just tried YSaClopedia, and SAclopedia was suggested….so I ask, Google, WTF?
The YSAC wiki is new. Give it time to propagate around the intertubes.
Weekend: Great fun but too short.
Round-up: I’ll give it a try tomorrow.
In the Box: Meredith! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Cube Farm!
Where’s the secret message*:
Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheads! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheado! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheada! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheadn! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheadn! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheado! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheady! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheadi! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheadn! Brain Bleach, apply directly to foreheadg!
*I was reading the YSaCtionary and this popped into my (fore)head.
It is, isn’t it? Maybe that’s why we shouldn’t do it.
Oh ok sorry.
I am sad because I saw Bacontini mentioned but Bacontini did not magically appear. At least I didn’t smell vodka and pork.
Busy doing empire stuff: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he4dQTuqtZc