YSaC, Vol. 814: I was sent by Joe… to buy this car.

2010 October 9

bmw engine 318 i 4cilinders and transmission


I buy. This ingine. For my bmw. The. Mecanic. Tell my. The motor. Is. Lock. But is t. No. True. Is t. Only. The. Clucht. I pay. 500.for the motor and transmission. 138000. Mills. Only. Bmw. 318 ti. 94. 4 cilinders. Whit. Manual. Transsmision. Call ######### i give you. Garanty. O. I buy. You.yunk. bmw 318 it. 93 to 95

At first I thought about making a Christopher Walken joke here. But then I remembered I had already done that.

So let’s try this.. read it to the tune of Hernando’s Hideaway, from The Pajama Game. (Trust me, even if you’ve never heard the title, you know this tune.)

Incidentally, this also works for “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.”

Thanks for the link, Dub!

111 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 October 9

    Uh oh! Sparky said whit. Prepare for a Matt sighting!

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 9
      MandaB permalink

      Sparky said. A. Lot of. Things. One. To three. Words at a. Time.

      Adores: 10
    • 2010 October 9

      [Matt]You guys are really mean teasing her, can’t you see that Sparkette is on her period?[/Matt]

      Adores: 12
  2. 2010 October 9

    I’d like to add that you are an evil genius, Dan. At your request, I did indeed read this to the tune of Hernando’s Hideaway and now I have a fine coffee mist on my screen.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 October 9
      Windrose permalink

      We need some techno genius to record themselves singing this. It would become an instant YSaC classic, like Database Fail Live. 8)

      Adores: 4
  3. 2010 October 9
    MandaB permalink

    If Sparky drives like he types, it’s no wonder the clutch is shot.

    Adores: 19
    • 2010 October 9

      This would be why I don’t want a manual transmission as my ONLY car in Boston…because sometimes. you have to. drive. like this. Now…if I could afford to have a SECOND car…

      Adores: 1
  4. 2010 October 9
    LimeLolly permalink

    Sorry Sparkster, I just had my yunk removed. I don’t need any replacements especially once the mechanic has said the engine is LOCKED.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9
      Laurelhach permalink

      Oh, sorry LL, I’ve heard that’s painful.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 9
        LimeLolly permalink

        Nah, the most painful is the gas that’s stuck right in the exhaust pipe. Neither moving or being useful…

        Adores: 8
  5. 2010 October 9

    Sparky didn’t answer the most important question of all, though.

    Is it minty?

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 9

      Probably, but I’m tired of mint. Isn’t it time they bust out the limited edition seasonal flavors? I could go for a nice Pumpkin Spice Christ shell right about now.

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 October 9
        Astrognash permalink

        Mmmm…

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 9
        sarajean80 permalink

        Mmmm… Festively blasphemous.

        Adores: 9
      • 2010 October 9
        Kae permalink

        My inner Baptist is appalled. My outer Christian Reformed is amused by how Christ can reclaim even the corrupted-by-druids pumpkin.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 9

          Kae, please don’t take offense to this, but when you say inner Baptist and I’m looking at the Fiji Mermaid, all I can think to say is: Stop eating Baptists!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 9
          NotMyName permalink

          “Corrupted-by-druids.”

          Meh, druids are squishy and easy to kill.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 9
          Astrognash permalink

          But Baptits are so chewy, and they’ve got the cream-filled center!

          Oh, wait, no, that’s those caramel bullseye things…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 10
          Kae permalink

          I know it’s tomorrow and all, but in Fiji Mermaid’s defense…Baptists are often deep-fried and not as apt to get stuck in mermaid teeth as Episcopalians. But Lutherans are the tastiest…

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 9
        Kae permalink

        [Matt] Don’t you people realize that Sparky was using the “you talk/it types” feature on his computer to write this ad and he was drowning in his bathtub and could only gasp out a couple of words whenever he bobbed to the surface? You guys are COLD if you can read a man drowning and only laugh at him! [/Matt]

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 9
        SilvaNoir permalink

        Pumpkin muffins are delicious. Now I want one.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 9
          Astrognash permalink

          And now I do too.

          **settles for string cheese instead.**

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 9
          Laurelhach permalink

          Um, Astro, you have a rather unfortunate* typo in your opening sentence two posts up.

          *this is subject to opinion.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 9
          Astrognash permalink

          Oh. I see.

          These are not the {droids|’droids|daleks} you are looking for.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 10

          Well Astro, that’s one way to get rid of the line and alienate 99% of the church-going folks in your state.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 10
          CapnMac permalink

          I settle for farm-fresh apple, sliced, with cinnamon.

          Roll for yoour damage points now, you hungry and fruitless <G>

          Bwahahahahahahaha

          Adores: 1
  6. 2010 October 9
    LurkRealClose permalink

    I don’t get the title, today. Can someone help me out?

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9

      Guys get over here now! LRC needs us to help her out of the poncho! I think the lice finally breached her minty robot shell!

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 9
        LurkRealClose permalink

        I do feel a little woozy.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 9
          Windrose permalink

          Lucky little woozy!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 9

          And there goes my second cup of coffee! 🙂

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 9
          Windrose permalink

          christina, do you have a drinking problem?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 9

          Yes, I havea localized drinking problem. it appears to be located here at YSaC.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 October 9
          Astrognash permalink

          I have a drinking problem. I keep missing my mouth.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 9

          Do you like movies about gladiators too?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 9

          Ever been to a Turkish bath house?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          Looks like it’s less of a drinking problem and more of a swallowing problem.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 9
          CapnMac permalink

          Airplane! FTW

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 9
      Chthulhu permalink

      By request from Windrose (who is currently making French toast):

      http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thepajamagame/hernandoshideaway.htm

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 9
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Windy — I’m making Lemon Meringue pie. How about a trade a piece of pie for a piece of French toast?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 9
          Windrose permalink

          Artsy, I tried, but the toast won’t fit in the slot on my PC. 8/

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 9
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          stupid computers anyway

          Adores: 3
  7. 2010 October 9
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    500 bucks. For. Shatner’s. BMW engine? I’ll. Take it!

    Kaaaaaahhhhhnnnnnnnn!!!!!

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 October 9
      Laurelhach permalink

      I’m starting to think that Shatnerese is a required course at Sparky University.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 9

        I think you mean Sparky’s Second Chance Vocational Academy, now open in Location, Ish and Yonder!

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 9
          Grampdaddy permalink

          And there is a new branch soon to open in the suburbs, Over Yonder. (It’s on the North side of town).

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 9
      MandaB permalink

      It’s a. Hard on. To get. Started.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 October 9
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        You Klingon. Bastard. You. Stole my. Line!

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 9
          BianchiManda permalink

          Stole. Your line? I. Did. No such. Thing.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 9
          NotMyName permalink

          Speaking of which, why haven’t we crossed the line at all today? It’s just sitting over there, smirking and sipping lemonade…someone say something line-crossing, already!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 9
          Astrognash permalink

          Sorry, that’s not lemonade.

          **zips up pants**

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 9
          NotMyName permalink

          Hmmm…..should have said…uhhh never mind.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 9

          Shhh! The line’s been onto us for a while so we’re lulling it into a false sense of security.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 9
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      I was. Thinking.

      PRECISELY!

      The same thing.

      Adores: 3
  8. 2010 October 9

    It’s the Mills that interest me – if there really are 138000 of them, it could be important to know how many are still operating, and whether they’re windmills, watermills or donkey mills. There are so few still in use these days.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9
      kelli permalink

      I think they are pepper mills that Sparky has stolen liberated from restaurants.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 9

        I didn’t know the McDonalds inside the Walmart was high class enough to have peppermills now.

        Adores: 7
  9. 2010 October 9

    I dot you

    By: Solidus and Caret


    They say he’s young and he don’t know
    He won’t find grammar until he grows
    Well I don’t know if all that’s true
    ‘Cause he dots .my. and maybe he dots .you.

    Beemer
    He dot you Beemer
    He dot you Beemer

    He says a comma won’t punctuate
    Better then a dot and a space
    I guess that could be so, if we smoke a lot of dope
    But at least I have a Garanty on the ingine I bought

    Beemer
    He dot you Beemer
    He dot you Beemer

    Adores: 9
  10. 2010 October 9
    Litarider permalink

    I got. it one. Or two. Words. At a. Time.
    It. Will cost you. 5000. Dimes.

    With the greatest respect and most apologies to The Man in Black.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 9
      Grampdaddy permalink

      This B. MW should. run just fine.
      because. it’s mine.
      I. type.just.fine.

      I.find it. really really. to be true.
      I. make a. gar. ar. anty. just for you.
      If you like. I buy. your yunk. from you.
      because. it’s mine.
      I. type.just.fine.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 9
        CapnMac permalink

        To.The.Breech.To.The.Breech.
        Or.Wall it.Up.whit.Our.English,Dead.

        In Peace.Not.becomes.A.Sparky.
        As.meek.Mils.and.D-Mean-er.
        But.In.War.Against.The.Space(bar)
        As.To.Be.Not-A-Lion.and

        Ripp’d.Our.English.Tongue.from.
        Our.Sensible.Heads.
        To Lie.Laid.low.
        Dash-ed.
        Like.Poor.Harfleur.
        Under.Mined.and.More.than.
        Half-Reduced.
        Sack-ed.Complete
        E’en.Agin.Our.Ire

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 9
          Astrognash permalink

          Say it with me:

          I, am. the. mutant, love.child. of Christopher, Walken and. William. Shatner. and, Im’. proud,

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 9
          christina permalink

          The Profiteers of Craigslist

          I am the mutant love child of creepy personalities
          I’ve minty shells and whit nestors and pick up trucks with lots o’ bees
          I know the coreys and the matts and quote them both for many memes
          From Location to Lower Ish, I’ve seen my share of shoulder knees

          I’ve also got some kibbles here for thinking cat-mathematically
          I understand that square tables do measure twenty by thirty
          I have a red table for sale that you can have as cheap as free
          Of lacawates valtrus-suka i gotta ask, WTF are these?

          Of lions all I know is that their stripes are always so pretty
          And Spice Christ gives good little bots [FEMALE TRAITS 43]
          In short, in matters minty shell and pick up trucks with lots of bees
          I am the mutant love child of creepy personalities!

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 October 9
          Astrognash permalink

          On the subject of Cat-Math, even Einstein has to BS his way through explaining it:

          http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7318265

          Adores: 2
  11. 2010 October 9
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Being a BMW, I think Sparky translated this from German. Looks to me like, “Ve haf vays uf making you type!”

    *Schnell, schnell – Herr Sharfstein ist am line zwei!!*

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9

      I thought a BM W was one of those trucks that deliver portable blue water toilets?
      Or is that a dump truck, I can never remember?

      Adores: 4
  12. 2010 October 9
    Grampdaddy permalink

    OoooooooKkkkkkkkk. Just read christina’s comment in the Box. Except, I read ‘drink’ as ‘drmk’. REALLY changes the meaning. Just could not understand why christina would want to dump drmk on her head and kick her in the crotch. This is generally a fairly peaceful group…..

    May the Llamanun (bees be upon her) be off her head and crotchless.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Oh… I did too! haha… now I can’t decide if a llama falling on one’s head would be painful or fluffy… (but one kicking you in the groin definitely would be full of ouch)

      Adores: 5
  13. 2010 October 9

    The national anthem of Sparkanada*

    Oh can I dot?

    All words in my ad?
    True punctuation is not at thy command.

    With no exclamation marks, we see no surprise,
    The True intent is lost when comma free!

    Some BLS just died,
    Oh can I dot?, Just a period or three?

    Jeebus keep our ads punctuation free!
    Oh can I dot?, Just a period or three?

    Oh can I dot?, Just a period or three?

    *No offence meant to our Canadian snarkers

    Adores: 8
  14. 2010 October 9
    Indigo permalink

    So sad…
    So sad….
    Sparky is sobbing as he types.
    All his hopes, dreams, visions of joy as he again cruises in his beautiful car have been dashed by this dastardly engine. He was salivating at the thought of a
    repair for under $5000. Each dot is a single tear spilling from his eyes.
    And.Now.He is.Going. to spend. A ForTune. No.W.onder.
    Have.some.com.passion. (Or comppasion)

    Adores: 3
  15. 2010 October 9

    Made even stranger in context because that was a hypothetical conversation where Cap’n was doing the talking and Lola was doing the slapping.
    Yay I’m in the…hey! There’s a puppy in here! Aww look at the liddle puppeh, who wants a scrub? Who wants a belly ru-NOOOOO!!!

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 October 9

      Well, at least you can listen to show tunes while I’m in your…in the…ummm.*

      *Wags*

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 October 9
        Astrognash permalink

        Don’t pet the puppy!

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 9

      And we’ll just pretend I hit the reply button and this is under Grampdaddy’s comment above.

      Adores: 4
  16. 2010 October 9
    Astrognash permalink

    You Suck at Craigslist (LIVE!)

    Adores: 21
    • 2010 October 9

      LOL

      You Suck at Craigslist (ZOMB!) seems more appropriate…

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9
      sarajean80 permalink

      That was awesome. Here. Have a. Door.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9
      Laurelhach permalink

      Very nice XP

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 9
      SilvaNoir permalink

      So this is what the bots look like… *tosses a door your way*

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 9
      christina permalink

      That was. really. cool. Astro! I. give you a. door.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 9

      *hurls doors and other things, too many to list, at Astro*

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 9
      otter permalink

      Many, many, many doors, Astro!

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 9
      Camille permalink

      I give you a door too. Coincidentally, mine is the door to Hernando’s Hideaway.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 9
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Astro, you have way too much free time on your hands – please continue to do so! Really fabulous- catch many plenty doors – even some red ones so you can make a table.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 9
      MandaB permalink

      You know, I was doing fine until he got to the line, “O. I. Buy. You.yunk..” at which point I dissovled into a fit of giggles. Even now I can’t stop laughing. That was fabulous, Astro!

      Adores: 2
  17. 2010 October 9
    CapnMac permalink

    [wonders]
    If a motor is installed under the hood, does that make it an “in-gine” ?

    I guess only a mecanic would know in such a clucht.

    Ooh, look, ofotblla! I must to the far-seeing-aparatus (fernsehenapparat)!
    [/wonder]

    Adores: 5
  18. 2010 October 9

    Maybe it was posted by Will.I.Am.

    Adores: 5
  19. 2010 October 9
    NotMyName permalink

    I keep coming back to this page, but can’t think of anything to say. So, [OT] I hate stinkbugs. [/OT]

    That is all.

    Adores: 1
  20. 2010 October 9
    NotMyName permalink

    This man or woman clearly has a terminal case of puntuacion mal, a rare but serious malady from the eastern coast of Spain. I recommend a treatment of 1st grade remedial english, and then he/she should be discharged from St. Llamanun’s Hospital with a free dictionary, as well as some anti-idiotics.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 9
      CapnMac permalink

      Actually think this really nothing more than too-lazy-to-scroll-to-spacebar-on-the-phone-screen.

      And, if “Big Pharma” ever gets a working recipe for “anti-idiotics” (beyond simple narcotic bliss as an “instead”)–we will be doomed to being penniless-ness. Of course, the tough part would be a testing group bright enough to show actual results . . . (Oh, snap, anti-idiotics could never pass FDA approval–what was I thinking?)

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 9
        NotMyName permalink

        It could.Be.That.But I just.Couldn’t.Resist using the.Word.Anti-idiotics.

        Do you know hard it was for me to type that? I keep automatically hitting the spacebar.

        In fact, I recommend 20 milligrams of anti-idiotics to every single person who has their ad on this site.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 9

        Except. if you. look. closely. there is. a space. after. each. period. And multiple. words. between. periods. with spaces. in between. Therefore. your hypothesis. is incorrect. Capn.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 10
          CapnMac permalink

          Ah, but there are a number of “auto-correct” toutines out there that append a space to a period as a line-ending convention.

          So, it still could be possible.

          Could also be that sparly has dropped a four-cylinder motor on his phone to many times and only a third of the keys work, under garante.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 10
      NotMyName permalink

      I am personally surprised no one yesterday noticed that I had said this person had a terminal illness, and that I would be willing to discharge them from the hospital….oh well.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 10
        Astrognash permalink

        Really? When? On who’s authority? Where?

        Adores: 0
  21. 2010 October 9

    OMG.
    I MADE A REFERENCE TO LLAMANUN** LAST NiGHT AND i ForgOT tO giVe somE beEs.
    I MeAn, how Can anyone pOSsiblY do thaT?
    SrSly?
    SRsly.
    It’s noT liKe it’s a hard tHing to Do.
    yoU poSt a commeNt, and aDd An asTeriskes or foUr, and BeeS bE bestowed upon theM

    kay?

    ima gonna go
    asleepy time
    now…

    NNGZZZNZ…

    .
    ,;.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 9
      NotMyName permalink

      Yeah, and he just did it AGAIN. I mean, how could anyone do such a thing. It’s easy, you just put an asterick next to Llamanun* and type at the bottom, as a footote, “bbes be upon her.” How could anyone forget to do that?

      *See definition: irony.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 9
      Astrognash permalink

      This is what happens when you don’t give the Llama-Nun* her bees. She smites your mental faculties.

      *May many, varied, and minty bees be upon her, forever and always.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 9
        NotMyName permalink

        I would much prefer the old-school kind of smiting. You know, locusts, plagues, volcanos, teen pop music, etc. It would make the Llamanun* so much more….bee-lievable.**

        *Bees be upon her. Keep the bees as far away from me as possible. Here drmk, take them.

        **I couldn’t think of a more suitable adjective.

        Adores: 3
  22. 2010 October 10
    Windrose permalink

    Got to. Make. A hundred. comments.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 10
      Laurelhach permalink

      One hundred.and.one.

      Adores: 3
  23. 2010 October 10
    Windrose permalink

    Almost. Out of. Thyme. Eas t coas t. Already asleep.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 10

      On a Saturday night? Nah, the bars haven’t let out yet. Maybe we’ll get some drunk postings.

      Adores: 1
  24. 2010 October 10
    Windrose permalink

    What. Else is. There to. Say?

    Adores: 2
  25. 2010 October 10
    Windrose permalink

    Oh, Right! christina! Hammy! Punchity. Punch. Punch.

    G’Night, Sleeptite!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 10

      Ouch! That’ll leave a mark. Ah well, better than a kick to the groin by a llama!

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 10

      Ouch, you hit me right in my B flat!

      Adores: 1
  26. 2010 October 10
    Janett (still lurking) permalink

    What the junk?! What I want to know is…how can someone who can’t string together a line of comprehendable english can afford a damned BMW! OH MAN! This really burns me!!

    Yes, I had caffeine today.

    Adores: 1

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