YSaC, Vol. 817: Of all lies, art is the least untrue.

2010 October 12

I just got back from a little trip to a country you may have heard of. It’s called Europe. It was kind of weird over there, because they were all speaking with some funny accent that made it really hard to understand what they were saying. I mean, it’s like they weren’t speaking English!

Anyway, while I was there I went to something called a Kunstmuseum. Imagine my surprise when it turned out not to be a slightly dyslexic strip club at all, but rather to be a whole bunch of boring old pictures hanging there on the walls, only some of which were of naked people! And there were people walking around and looking at the walls, and pretending to be interested in all of it, and not just the naked people.

Well, after I got kicked out for trying to put dollar bills in the waistband of that lady’s pants (you know, she had a tag on that said “Docent”, but I wouldn’t really call her docent-looking. She was kind of ugly.), I went on Craigslist to see what the big deal with this whole “art” thing is. And I found this:

painting – $1200


every nice painting

I just don’t get it. If I can buy every nice painting in the world on Craigslist for less than I spent on my car/house, why do those Europeeple go stare at art? I mean, it’s obvious those aren’t the nice paintings, since the nice ones will be hanging on my wall. Unless they’ve never been used, in which case they clearly wouldn’t be hanging on a wall.

Thanks for the submission, Ashley! By the way, if y’all haven’t encountered the “Most Wanted Paintings” from around the world, it’s pretty funny. The US’s “most wanted” painting is a landscape with a family and a randomly inserted George Washington. It probably says a lot about me that I like the “least wanted” painting WAY more than the most wanted.

288 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 October 12

    Every nice picture what? Does fine? This feels incomplete to me.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 12
      Meej permalink

      Deserves fudge.

      No, wait, that’s not right, is it? I can’t find the “N” key on my piano. Maybe that’s the mnemonic for a concertina?

      Adores: 14
      • 2010 October 12

        I thought it might have ben a device for remembering how to spell ‘empty’ in Sparkaneese, as in, “the glass is half en-p.”

        Adores: 4
  2. 2010 October 12
    Artsy Computer Geek permalink

    After careful review of the “most wanted” paintings, I didn’t see a single one with Dogs Playing Poker. Can you fix that Dan?

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 October 12

      After looking at the most wanted paintings… weird how similar most of them are! A blue sky, something in the left hand corner, some vegetation, water, a random person standing or random animal or both. The least wanted are almost all modern art. Except Holland who chose the modern art painting. I guess Holland dares to be different.
      Italy’s least wanted is the funniest… Elvis, a power ranger, and a naked headless guy.

      What does it say about me that I don’t want any of them?

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 12
        Lola permalink

        You have taste, talent, and those twits at your art school were wrong?

        Adores: 11
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          I imagine that I would enjoy art (of all mediums) that conveys emotion; joy, sorrow, unbridled wrath*, etc.

          *See: Mother Nature.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 12

          Aww thanks :)

          I’d have to say my most wanted painting is this:
          http://gunnerromantic.deviantart.com/art/flesh-and-gold-46277796

          (I should really buy a print of it one day… there’s just something cool to me about that gigantic goldfish)

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 12
          Windrose permalink

          Silva, that is beautiful and romantic! I understand your attachment to the painting. If only there was a rat on the shore, it would be perfect!

          Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 12

        I couldn’t figure out why the Germans picked two painting in similarly horrible styles as their most and least wanted.
        Also, what does it say about me that I giggled childishly at the Danish least wanted?

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 12

        I don’t want any of them either. None of these paintings say anything. They’re just there. They’re the unobtrusive things you put on the walls of a hotel to make it look less “plain”. Even the “least wanted” modern art things could go on the wall of a hotel without getting much of a reaction.

        Adores: 4
  3. 2010 October 12
    NotMyName permalink

    That isn’t just a painting, that’s a sideways painting whose picture was taken by either a cell phone or camcorder. Notice the little date? Wait, that’s the only nice painting ever? What about the Mona Lisa, Sparky? Oh she has no eyebrows? Well neither do those flowers! And what kind of weird painting is this anyways? Oh it must be one of those “impressionist” paintings….or maybe it’s surrealism. Yeah, that has to be it! It’s a new-age Dali, or Monet.

    Sideways Picture of Flowers Taken by a Cell Phone, by Dali “Sparky” Frawd.

    This turned out to be a longer comment then I expected.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 October 12

      Mona’s lack of eyebrows always freaked me out…

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 12

        …and what was up with the smile? I never got it…she looks constipated, not amused…

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 October 12
          Lola permalink

          [urban legend corey] I seem to recall hearing/reading at some point that at one time it was hung in a bathroom someplace. Maybe the facial expression is the result of what she saw/smelled/heard? [/urban legend corey]

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12

      [corey] I went to a thing at OMSI that was going through a scientific analysis of the layers of paint in the Mona Lisa. The idea was to try to figure out what it looked like when first painted, when the colors were fresh, since the type of paint DaVinci used wasn’t made to last. Anyway, these analysts believe they found evidence of faint, very thin eyebrows on the painting — plucking to very thin lines was the style at the time, and since the paint faded so easily, those barely-there eyebrows were the first to go. [/corey]

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12
        J-Dog permalink

        Bridgete, are you a fellow Portlandistanian?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12

          I was, I grew up there. I live in Boston now.

          Adores: 3
  4. 2010 October 12

    Ah, yes…the little-known “Irises in Sideways Repose” by the famous artist, Vincent Dan Vogue.

    This piece is quite extraordinary as it still contains the date stamp on it. That is, after all, one of a very few ways one can validate a painting’s authenticity..the others being the absence of mustard stains and the ability to still see the numbers under the paint.

    In this rendering, Vogue has brought forth the most elemental styles to ask the eternal questions….

    Do irises grow sideways?
    Can I get this on a velvet canvas?
    Would the Home Shopping Network be interested?

    As well as deeper, philosophical meanings….

    Does the depiction avoids sentimentality or aggrandizement?
    Can I get this on a velvet canvas?
    Would the Home Shopping Network be interested?

    Yes, my friends this work of art is truly a work of art.

    Adores: 17
    • 2010 October 12

      Can I find it hanging at the local cheap-eats breakfast place with a business card stuck to the corner? (I seem to always see flower paintings like this at places like that)

      Speaking of tacky velvet paintings… when I was a toddler my father bought one of a woman with very large shoulder knees proudly on display and hung it on the wall where it stayed for a year until it nearly gave my grandmother (on my mother’s side) a heart attack from being so mortified to see it on a visit … shortly after it went mysteriously missing thanks to mom.
      It wasn’t the only velvet painting he bought… there is also one of a very creepy ship’s captain that I swear is haunted… the kind whose eyes follow you around the room. I’ve told my parents when they die, I’m going to burn it. I’m not joking.

      Adores: 16
      • 2010 October 12

        Obviously your father was a connosieur of the tacky.

        I once worked for a man who owned a large chain of retail outlets…you’ve probably heard of them. This guy was the CEO and had a plush corner office with marble floors, leather couches, mahogany desk and bookshelves, a ginormous saltwater fish tank, and…huge round-framed pictures of dolphins on velvet – complete with blinking lights to simulate the stars in one and light dancing on the water in another.

        He also had a fondness for those lamps that “rain” water down around naked statues of women with large shoulder knees.

        Adores: 14
      • 2010 October 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        My parents had one painted on burnt orange velvet, a scene of ducks flying over a pond. I always thought it looked like the sky was on fire.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I want a Thomas Kinkade on velvet with twinkling lights and the sound of a bubbling stream. Or something that Andy Warhol has peed on.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 October 12
          Lola permalink

          Mudsy, I’d TOTALLY hang a Warhol oxidation in my house before a Kinkade, any day.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I would have to guess that Komar & Melamid would disagree with you since most of the “most wanted” pieces appear to be of the landscape, instead of the seascape peescape, variety.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 12

          *hopes she’s not opening up a can of bees*

          How did Kinkade get so popular? Ugh.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I HOPE everyone realizes that I absolutely HATE Thomas Kinkade. I was being snarktastic.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12

          You’re safe, ratwoman. I felt your snark and added mine. I have a dear friend who is absolutely virulent in her adoration of everything Kinkade. And while I just love her to pieces, sitting in her living room requires an extra martini…or two.*

          *Unfortunately, this does not improve the perspective.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          I really think that Kinkade became popular if the identification ADD, ADHD, A** etc. …… look something sparkly, shiny, glowing ,,,,

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12

          [can o' bees corey] Thomas Kincaid became popular because he is manipulative and targets Christians. I’m not going any farther than that. [/bee corey]

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12

          My half-sister adores Kinkade. I kind of enjoyed putting together a puzzle of one for her (my mom glued and framed it), but only because the way he paints, with so little color variation, made it a rather challenging puzzle. Challenging puzzles are more fun.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          Windrose permalink

          Psst! Archie! You mean Mudsy, right? Not ratwoman. But she’s safe too, I would bet.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          *whispering*

          Thanks, Windy. My avatar/name recognition synchronometer was on the fritz. I hate when that happens.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      Lola permalink

      CJ, CJ, CJ …
      How do you expect anyone to buy this if you don’t mention the part of it which symbolizes man’s inhumanity to man? That’s like a prerequisite for being real art!

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 October 12
        NotMyName permalink

        The dish the flowers are in represent man’s inhumanity to man. They show that they will always be there, trying to hold the rest of mankind back, and keep them from growing.

        Adores: 7
      • 2010 October 12

        Well, Lola, I thought that was obvious by the fact that the irises were so precariously balanced over the abyss…but I guess I was wrong..so amend the above to say…

        “….and it obviously makes a broad statement about man’s inhumanity to man…”

        Adores: 11
      • 2010 October 12
        CapnMac permalink

        Isn’t it an affront to the inhumanity of Man, that auto-correct made “avery” into “every”?

        After all, poor sparky went to the silversmith-of-the-malls, and only got a picture that is forever sideways. . .

        Camera must be broke, or sum’pin’

        Man’s struggles against Uncaring Nature are represented in the way the decimal failed to appear–$12.00 for Avery painting being a different proposition than $1200 . . .

        *poets break into interpretive dance on the decline of the anarcho-syndicalist society oppressed by the violence inherent in the system on alternate Tuesdays*

        Adores: 5
  5. 2010 October 12
    Camille permalink

    Nice paintings finish last.

    Adores: 6
  6. 2010 October 12

    I would just like to say I only charge $100 for MY very nice paintings
    http://silvanoir.deviantart.com/journal/34701500/
    and much less for drawings.
    [/ shameless plug]

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      If you turn your paintings on their sides you can charge twelve times that!

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 12
      bombdude permalink

      My bank will only accept money orders from outside of the U.S. with DRAWN ON U.S. DOLLARS

      So if I send you a money order and draw some dollar bill pictures on it, it’s cool? If so, can I get a “Dogs playing rummy, please?

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        I knew someone would want that!!!!!

        Adores: 2
  7. 2010 October 12
    CoffDrop permalink

    Nice, but cannot touch my Velvet Elvis……….

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 12
      MandaB permalink

      Well, the ad says this is every nice painting. I think that implies that your velvet Elvis is in there somewhere.

      Probably hiding behind one of the leaves. Look harder, it’s in there!

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 October 12
        CoffDrop permalink

        No!

        Velvet Elvis is mine!
        Is one of a kind!
        Look but won’t find!
        Not even behind!

        Time for my meds……….

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          I like that little rhyme. Short, sweet, and to the point.

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12

        Speaking of Velvet Elvis, any of you Portlanders ever been to the velvet painting museum? That place is totally on my bucket list.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 13
        CapnMac permalink

        There is definitely something to be said for a pan-dimensional frame containing every painting ever made.

        You only have the one frame to hang, for one. No worrying about if it lines up with other frames.

        Of course, the “leakage” of/from pan-dimensional entities could be tough to live with. Or, when the materials paleolithic painters used were, ah, still, er, “fresh” (“What is that smell? Where is it coming from?”) to then have the dimensionality shift and the image be something else.

        But, “tidal forces” around the event horizon could be amusing, like Oncle Lecroixes standing too close and his toupee flying off into extradimensional space.

        Dang it, just remembered that quantum reality would require some of those dimensions to be ones where van Gogh was sane; Warhol an accountant; Augie Rodin a brickmason . . . le sigh

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 13
          NotMyName permalink

          I want to say something Pan related…I keep coming back to Pandora. That leads me to Pan-adore-a, which isn’t even remotely funny.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      Lola permalink

      Don’t wanna touch your “velvet Elvis.” My mother told me to beware of guys with euphemisms.

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 October 12
        CoffDrop permalink

        Mom raised no fool – you could be basting the formaldehyde turkey if you associate with euphemistic gents…….

        Adores: 3
  8. 2010 October 12
    LimeLolly permalink

    All my nice paintings are slowly being replaced with crayon/marker art. And it’s way cheaper too.

    I want to give all my doors to drmk*. The blog posting is absolutely hilarious this morning.

    *Bees be upon her

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 October 12
      Lola permalink

      I agree. I’m glad I’m not the only person who thinks Kunstmuseum sounds potentially smutty.

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 October 12
        J-Dog permalink

        I’m thinking of opening my own Kunstmuseum, but speeled in English. I wonder if that posting for the giant U, N, T, and C sign letters is still up.

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 October 12

          I knew a girl who’s last name was Kuntzman. How she survived junior high, I do not know.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          Lola permalink

          There were people at home whose last name was Kunze. I thought that was rather unfortunate as well.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Having the last name Bunn was a slice of holy hell in school. It ranged from the annoying (“Hey, we should call you Honey! Get it? Honey Bunn!” Yeah, really clever. Like I’ve never heard that before.) to down right crude.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          LimeLolly permalink

          My child calls them ‘weenie buns’… and I have no idea why… since my whole family absolutely adores those confections.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I’m sure adding “weenie” into the mix, thrills sj to no end.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          LimeLolly permalink

          SJ .. do you prefer ‘honey’ over ‘weenie’…. or… maybe I should just let this topic go on by.. :blushes:

          *walks away muttering “I can’t believe I said that”*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Lid licker.

          Hehe…

          :)

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Oh, I’ve heard them all; most tended to be of the “I wanna stick my hot dog in a Bunn!” school of thought. Because teenage girls simply adore being referred to as bakery products. Way to go, Captain Oblivious.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          LL – I don’t mind Honey so much, it’s just Every. Single. Person. who has called me that thought it was so freakin’ clever and original. I am a female (with honey-blonde hair) with the last name Bunn living in a part of the country where everyone is called “Honey” or “Sugar” at some point. Chances are someone has already called me that once or twice.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          LimeLolly permalink

          SJ… you are too kind in overlooking my double-entendre wording. I hear you on the constant names over and over… after all, that’s where I got my user name from. Used to drive me insane because of course it had to be the cute, popular guys that teased me with that ditty and absolutely killed my afar off crush on them. And now, I look back and appreciate the memories… no, they are not good ones, but memories nonetheless and I can see how it shaped the person I am now. So for that, I can appreciate them. Cause I like the me that I am now. :)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          drmk permalink

          I so wish I had thought of that when I was writing this post.

          (This is in response to J-Dog’s comment about the U, N, T and C letters.)

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          LL – Having to deal with the Captain Obliviouses (Oblivioi? Oblivioum?)helped me become the well-adjusted smartass I am today.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          SJ. That would be “Oblivion.” Maybe. I didn’t look it up at all.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          Lola permalink

          I’m going to go with Captains Oblivious.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 12
        CapnMac permalink

        Well, then there is künstliche, which looks to be one of those mashed-together German words, “Arts” + “like”/”ly” (and scans rather smutty in ‘english’).

        But is not, it means artificial, in the sence of being created by artifice (as opposed to erzatz).

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12

      Indeed. It smacks of potential.

      Adores: 3
  9. 2010 October 12
    Meredith permalink

    If the lovely painting of Kramer is not included in this list, then it’s not worth nearly 1200$. I feel that truly says “I am refined and dignified, but with a quirky sense of humor and a irreverent style”. Oh, but I just want the print. You don’t have to frame it or anything, some tape will put that sucker up just fine.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      I dunno, I don’t see Dali’s Melting Clocks piece either. That breaks the deal for me.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12
        NotMyName permalink

        Oh wait I thought you were talking about the ad….I didn’t look at the list. Carry on, and just ignore me.

        Adores: 3
  10. 2010 October 12
    TacoMagic permalink

    I’m sorta back, but swamped today.

    I’ll regale you with stories of my body painting escapades later.*

    *This may not occur.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      *God, it’s “Insert name here.” Please don’t let TacoMagic regale us with his possibly amusing and probably disturbing tales of his body-painting experience.*

      No offense Taco, I’d just rather not know.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12
        kelli permalink

        Wait, does that mean he painted on bodies or he painted bodies on something? And if he painted on bodies, were these bodies living?

        I have questions!

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I agree with kelli…. Inquiring minds want to know!

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 12

      Taco we look forward to your massive links and incredible misspellings with great anticipation!

      Also, we need to hear about the gravy incident in more detail.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 12
        bombdude permalink

        *wonders if the “gravy incident” and the “body painting escapades” are part of the same story…*

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think there was something about dry mashed potatoes and fixing his pin connector in there as well, so they could be related.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          He got grease on his dockers at one point as well. The man shouldn’t leave the house.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Wow, we are one stalker-iffic tight-knit community!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          kelli permalink

          You call it stalking, we call it love.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          Lola permalink

          You call it stalking, we call it love.

          Funny, that’s what a guy said this weekend before I called the cops … 8)

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12
      Lola permalink

      Did you Tacosplode at any point?

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 October 12

        If tacosplodin’ and body painting are in the same story, we DO NOT want to know!
        Srsly.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          LimeLolly permalink

          Actually… I kinda want to know. Morbid curiosity.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          LurkRealClose permalink

          I want to know if the gravy and ‘sploding are part of the same story.*

          *This may not actually be true.

          Adores: 0
  11. 2010 October 12

    Hey! Who took a picture of the zero G flowers in the cave of technological wonders?

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      I did, in my new awesome DARPA* suit.

      *No I don’t work for DARPA. DARPA, please do not launch kinetic missles at me. I’m talking about the suit in Vanquish.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12

      *Uses tractor beam to slap NMN*

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 12
        CapnMac permalink

        Resistits using power of Master Chief Yeoman . . .

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Get rid of Yeoman in “Master Chief Yeoman,” what do you think I thought of? I have no clue what “Master Chief Yeoman” would be otherwise.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          Meej permalink

          “Resistits”?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          bombdude permalink

          I never resist…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Resist! Resist! Resistance!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Yeoman in Naval use refers to a rating primarily oriented towards administrative tasks, but includes all those pesky manpower issues, like staffing, drafts, and the like.

          It is a rating that person who started in other ratings can ‘transfer’ over to, too.

          The Rank of Chief is conferred at E7. One gets a whole new set of uniforms to further distinguish the conferee as a senior NCO of experience and skill.

          The rank after Chief is Senior Chief, or E8. For those exalted few who then continue to achieve, the next promotion is Master Chief (E9). Such persons have spent a great deal of time learning how to part oceans, gather up thunderbolts, such similar transcending mere corporeal planes. One does not dice lightly with such near-Olympians.

          It is not merely that they know which skeleton and which closet as much as remembering when the closet was built, who built it, and the last person to chip and repaint it, too.

          Adores: 2
  12. 2010 October 12
    Windrose permalink

    Tankerbell is in the Golden Lotus! Hooray! One of my favorite ear worms of all time. OF ALL TIME!

    Okay, going to get coffee now.

    Adores: 5
  13. 2010 October 12
    Artsy Computer Geek permalink

    — yesterday afternoon, I picked my daughter up after a sporting event. She asked if I could give her friend a ride. No problem. I asked this child were she lived, which she told me and then said that she couldn’t get in the house anyway. My daughter asked if she could come over to our house. I said sure, call your Mom so she’ll know where you are. She can’t get hold of her mom. I asked this little (11 years old) what she was suppose to do after the sporting event. She said that her mom told her “to find a friend drug addict, pedophile, whatever to go home with”. Said mom calls about 8:20 to get directions and proceeds to beep the horn in front of my house for daughter to come out.

    This completely upset me all evening long. What kind of parent does this shit??? Sparkette, I guess.

    Thanks, I just needed to get it our of my system.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 October 12
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      I think I dropped something — anyone see the missing .

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 12
        NotMyName permalink

        The missing handcuffs and jailtime for the terrible parent? I have them both right here.*

        *Not really. But I wish I did.

        Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 12

        Fixed.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Thanks so much drmk — bee be upon you.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12

          Just one?

          Adores: 15
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          You forgot to finish “this little (11 years old)” WHAT?

          Not to be nose picky.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      Lola permalink

      Wow. I grew up in a couple of different little small towns in the ’70s, and even then knew not to get rides with strangers! I think I would have started walking before I did that.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 12
        Windrose permalink

        My kids always resented that we had to know who they were going somewhere with, meet the adults that would be there, and would not sanction any last minute changes. If it wasn’t approved ahead of time, the deal was off. But now that they are grown and safe, I think they appreciate the hands-on parenting style they received.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Thanks Windy.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12

      [effingparentcorey/matt]One of my all-time pet peeves is bad parents. In the ’90′s I worked with emotionally disturbed junior high students at a school near my home. Parent-teacher conferences were a joke. Either the parent(s) never showed, showed up drunk/high, or showed up and proceeded to lecture US on how WE should be “raising” their kids – i.e. teaching them manners, etiquette, hygiene, etc. I nearly bit my tongue clean in two listening to these scum, and my heart broke for their precious children. We did what we could to stabilize their lives (at least in school) and hoped for the best. I recently heard that one is a rather successful artist and at least one went on to college. Doesn’t change the fact that their parent(s) were useless, but it does point to the resilience of children[/endeffingparentcorey/matt]

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12
        Lola permalink

        CJ, I was going home one evening on the same subway car as some kindergarten teachers coming back from their conferences. One was telling the other how one of the moms was worried because the school was not letting her daughter socialize enough. Godforbid she go there to learn! School’s all about just hanging out until you get knocked up and drop out, right?!?

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          just hanging out until you get knocked up and drop out, right?!

          Probably due to too much Biology class.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          All that learning stuff just gets in the way of tweeting.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          I know I’ve said this before, but I had to be the only person in my grade who didn’t belong to either Myspace or Twitter, nor Facebook or Livejournal. In fact I just joined Facebook last week. We were at school to learn, not to socialize; no one seemed to understand that.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12

      ACG, I had a similar incident occur when Daughter #3 was in elementary school. I, like you, was absolutely infuriated with the parents. They didn’t know me from Adam and had no idea where I lived. One of the more chilling aspects was that the child was so unconcerned because this was the [i] norm [/i] for their household. Say what!!! Sadly, this type and worse happens daily. It is one of the more heart-wrenching aspects of Mr. Eyebrows occupation.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12
        Lola permalink

        Archie, you just reminded me of something: I once babysat for some people who were “regulars.” The mother apologized to me because they ended up with an additional child, who, when she left for work in the afternoon, would be under my care. It was actually fine; as I recall she napped most of the time. What was totally disturbing was that the mother showed me a couple of lighters that were in the girl’s bag of toys that she had brought with her. They were pretty much empty of fluid, but still not a toy by any stretch. She asked me to point them out to the father when he picked her up, so that he would be aware that the girl had them and, theoretically, avoid this in future. (The parents were some kind of friends of friends of the family for whom I babysat, and she didn’t know them very well.) I showed them to the dad and his attitude was a cavalier “Yeah, they’re empty. We let her play with them.”
        [matt] I was 25 years younger at the time, and in someone else’s house, so I didn’t say anything, but today I would be all “SAY WHAT?” and “Who in the Wide World of Sports thinks a lighter is an OK toy for a child, period?!?!?” [/matt] I mean, never mind whether you approve of smoking, or smoke. or not, that’s just not safe!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          kelli permalink

          [bad parent lighter ot] My nephews (from the sister I don’t like who is not on FB) were relatively young and while Mommy and current “Daddy” were busy shooting up in the bathrrom, two of them decided to play with Mommy’s lighter in their room and set their mattress on fire. My mom should never have pulled me off of her when I was pounding her head against the stoop (after a different incident involving bad parenting). [/ot]

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12
      bombdude permalink

      Right there with you all. Unfortunately, my own daughter is one of those types of parent, which is why my first wife has custody of our two grandchildren.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12

        bomb…sigh…another phenom of our age, grandparents raising kids…we bought some land a few years ago from a couple in their sixties raising their two under-8 yrs. old granddaughters while their mother (couples’ daughter – still with me?) was serving time in prison for felony narcotics possession with intent…at least your grandkids have someone to go to that I presume is responsible?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          LurkRealClose permalink

          My brother in law and his wife are in their 50s and raising a grandchild. That child’s sibling is being raised by a great aunt and uncle. But, knowing the children’s mother, this is for the best.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          bombdude permalink

          CJ – Yeah, while not my idea of “top notch” parenting skills, she is responsible, and takes care of them. We also pick them up here and there for a week at a time, but as we are in NC and they all (daughter/ex-wife) live in TN, they have to live there by court order.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          [parenting corey] My parents adopted me when I was 2.5 years old. And I lived happily ever after. [/parenting corey]

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 12
          Windrose permalink

          Hooray for adoption! I got some of my favorite relatives that way.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I got a brother that way as well. Unfortunately, he still needs a little work.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12

          @ mudsy: Sounds like you and I have had the benefit of hitting the “parent jackpot” in being adopted by wonderful people. Always considered myself very lucky, too. Nor have I ever had the desire to look into the past to find my “roots” as has become commonplace.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          bombdude permalink

          I had the opposite story, but still have no desire to go find the bio-parents. I gots what I gots, and it’s enough to keep me busy, why go lookin’ for more trouble?

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12

      I’m right there with you and everyone else, Artsy. I have neighbors who let their toddlers wander into the street late at night. It makes me so angry, and of course, I don’t have kids, so I have “no right” to tell others how to raise theirs.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 12
        Windrose permalink

        I am a mandatory reporter of child endangerment due to my job in Health and Human Services. If a child were to get run over, and I knew the parents allowed the child in the street, but I never called CPS, I would lose my job and be liable. It’s the greatest excuse in the world to tell people what to do with their kids. I had to report a neighbor here because he let his teenager and friends set up a pipe rail ramp for their skateboards right around a corner in our street. They usually parked a big work truck right before the corner, so when I edged my way in to my street, I would have to wait for the sullen teens to get out of my way. I warned them the first time that they were breaking the law, and they needed to move the device and stay out of the street. The next time, I called the police. The father apologized to me, the kid came by later and asked why I didn’t want him to have any fun. I told him I didn’t want him to be killed or maimed in the pursuit of his fun. Haven’t seen him in the street again.

        Oh, dang, that’s long! I’d say the P word to lighten the mood but I don’t want to offend anyone.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Ponyyyyyyy….

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          EclecticBlue permalink

          That’s kinda funny that the p-word comes up (heh heh) (I think my double-dose of caffeine is bringing out my inner 14-year-old) (I’m claiming the extra caffeine is in honor of Taco’s return) because yesterday I had to scour the internetz for pictures of said p-word…. At least I found what I was looking for, which was dead, preserved, dissected, and labeled photographs… Weird job, huh? :-p

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 13
        CapnMac permalink

        I don’t have kids, so I have “no right” to tell others how to raise theirs

        This has bigged me a time or two.

        Especially when I am assigned their “kids” and have to, once again, see if “old habits” can be rubbed off with new, “good” habits. And, by 24, 25, or so, it’s right tough to have one “formula” that works. Some need more discipline, some less; some just need recognition; others just need good examples (sadly, some just need to be sent to where they can do the least harm to themselves and those around them).

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      J-Dog permalink

      It’s a mighty scary world when it’s safer for a little (11 years old) what to get into the car of a YSaC’er than to find a friend, drug addict, pedophile, whatever to go home with.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 12
        mudslicker permalink

        Little (11 years old) whys are even worse, but little (11 years old) maybes can be so indecisive about whom they go home with.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Everyone, thanks for letting me vent and for your support. My kids think that I’m overly-protective (probably so); but I know where they are, who they are with and what they are doing. All of their teach know me also.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          J-Dog permalink

          Mudsy,

          I’ll bet that you were a buttload of trouble when you were a little (11 years old) wtf.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I was a perfect angelic Catholic schoolgirl in my 11 year old wtf years. I didn’t learn that I could be a buttload of trouble until my 20s. And I still can’t seem to be able to turn it off.

          ;)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          BrainStew permalink

          This whole lack of editing thing is showing everyone’s true colors (green for poor word choice and grammar, and red for the correcting of these errors via snark).

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I think Taco’s going to have a hard time adjusting to not being able to edit.

          —-

          I can’t wait~!!!! MWAAHAHAHAHA!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          EclecticBlue permalink

          BrainStew, it’s just bringing out our inner Taco.

          …Ewww…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          BrainStew permalink

          I’m not sure about anyone else, by my inner taco is not really meant to be ‘brought out’…though I think there is a surgery for those of us who would like to switch from a taco to a hotdog…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          BrainStew permalink

          Just to be clear, I am happy with my taco, but am also totally cool with those who want to switch. Hot dogs are cool. I’m just not up for one.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m a little curious as to what a taco made with hot dogs would taste like.*

          *Meant in a totally non-dirty, strictly food-preparation way.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          Lola permalink

          Would this be better or worse than a spaghetti taco?

          Discuss.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          bombdude permalink

          I was always under the impression that the “inner taco” was occasionally brought out in social situations, usually after generous quantitties of adult libations…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          BrainStew permalink

          Perhaps my and your definitions of ‘brought out’ are different. I would call that unveiling. I would say bringing it out is a much harder action.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          CapnMac permalink

          You two seem to be slightly logger-headed on a distinction between “evulsed” and “evinced” (tho- “evidence-ed” might be more apropos, if less melodious).

          Something about one being a result of alien infection and the other of tequila injestion . . .

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          CapnMac permalink

          WooHoo, LoLa for the meme-that-lived.

          Who would have thought that a throw-away nickelodeon line about spaghetti tacos would now have recipes and followers and cogent discussions on which ingredients make for better product and all.

          If one has a taqueria handy, white-corn tortilla shells are spiffy with sausage bolognaise & penne “tacos”. Yellow corn taco shells are better with a plain vermacelli and meatsauce. Home-made mac-n-cheese is not a bad taco shell filling, for that matter.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          Tankerbell permalink

          Red beans n’ rice. Best.Taco.Filling.Ever.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, my eggs-n-bacon-y pappas fritas “hash” is rather nice, too.

          But, “burrito” style with some tasso or andouille, yeah, that’d be pure-dee-righteous (but, I’d crave a Jax every time I had one, sure as shootin’).

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      CapnMac permalink

      Bad part is that the little one will likely develop all the organizational skills momma sprayed herbices upon herself to prevent.

      Poor child will probably develop a Pavlovian response of hysterical laughter towards the mother figures in both 2½ Men and Arrested Development, and not know why . . .

      Adores: 0
  14. 2010 October 12
    Windrose permalink

    Off topic continuation of random Facebook conversaion.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 12

      fish

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12
      Lola permalink

      I like cheese, too.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 12
      kelli permalink

      Mock indignation at mention of subject here. Indication that subjection was considered to be closed.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 12
        Windrose permalink

        Over-reaction and threat to leave forever.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          kelli permalink

          Placating response

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          Uneasy chuckle

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          *pop*

          Serves champagne

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          CapnMac permalink

          *holds up flute glass*

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      CapnMac permalink

      Yay for friend who is having labor induced today–been tough, her not having margaritas this long a time.

      Adores: 3
  15. 2010 October 12
    Tankerbell permalink

    Are we playing non sequiturs now? Ok… Catalytic converter!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      Is a non sequitur a random word? If so, mattress.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        [word corey, courtesy of Dr. Wick E. Pedia] It is a comment that, because of its apparent lack of meaning relative to what it follows, seems absurd to the point of being humorous or confusing, as in the following exchange:

        Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb?
        A: Fish.

        The use of non sequitur in humor can be deliberate or unintentional. Literally, the expression is Latin for “it does not follow.” [/corey]

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          LurkRealClose permalink

          It’s like a tangent that isn’t connected.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          What the moose rockin’ the sweet poncho said.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 12
          bombdude permalink

          Tangerine?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          CoffDrop permalink

          Thunder and Lightning, fire and snot
          Thirteen Orangutans tied in a knot……..

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Tantrum.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          schwantztucher

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Bless you.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          Lola permalink

          Grampdaddy! I’m telling!

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      I can do this. I’d like to convert my Cadillac to BMW.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 12
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Oh … then I mean ……. chocolate.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          kelli permalink

          Mmmm, chocolate Cadillac

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Yumm, I could use some chocolate… Cadillacs are what, 2 tons or so? I should have at least a little bit left over to share…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          kelli permalink

          No fair! I want a ton of chocolate. I’m telling Mom you won’t share the right way!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 13
          CapnMac permalink

          Ok, just pictured a ’78 Eldorado, GVW about 4200#, in lime-green chocolate and white walls . . .

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      Marzipan!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 12

        mairzy-doats!!

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Margaritas!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12

          Mojitos!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          I kinda got a hankerin’ for a frosty beverage now.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12

          Bacontini!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Ah, the wonders of distilled spirits; resisting that temptation, though.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          and little lambzy tivey

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12

      Sesquipedalophobia!

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 12
        Lola permalink

        Bless you.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          kelli permalink

          Oscar Romero

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12

          Haha, thanks Lola.

          That’s one of my favorite words…only because it’s hilariously ironic. It means the fear of long words. ;)

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Catmath converter?

      Adores: 1
  16. 2010 October 12
    bombdude permalink

    Zarzipan!!

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 12
      bombdude permalink

      Oops, this was supposed to be up there with the non sequiturs.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      Gesundheit.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12

      DUDE… are you… quoting my comic?
      http://silvanoir.deviantart.com/art/DrawBlood-pg37and38-101765428

      if not that’s a really weird coincidence

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 13
        Bombdude permalink

        Yeah, that’s what came to mind when I saw “marzipan”. Tje whole “word association” thing kicked in.

        Adores: 0
  17. 2010 October 12
    EclecticBlue permalink

    [OT] Miss Nomer!! I take it from your avvie that you are a Dr. Who fan… Next month, they’re going to to filming a couple Dr. Who episodes in Utah! I don’t know where, and I don’t know when, but I must be there.

    Ahem. Anyways, sorry for the relative absence, all…. I had a big project I was working on for Mini’s birthday party, and now I’ve got another huge personal project that I’m working on (you know, when I’m not actually working on WORK. But I think my boss works on work less than I do, so it’s OK…) (Speaking of which, anybody here do web design, and maybe wants to look at something I’m working on? :-D ). And I’ve been having random mental breakdowns that are leaching any potential snarkage in my head. But the random breakdowns are getting lesser in severity, I think, and the project is nearing completion… So hopefully I’ll be here more :-)

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 12

      RandomlyLeakyEB…erm…welcome back?

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 12
        EclecticBlue permalink

        RandomlyLeakyEB

        No, my son is the one who is randomly leaky :-p

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          Tankerbell permalink

          MiniEB hasn’t posted in a while. Is he too advanced for us now?

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      Windrose permalink

      I will ask Chthulhu, known to me as Honey, because he has a certificate in Graphic Design. He’s not really in to the whole web page design, but he’s very creative and talented and stuff.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        If you call him ‘Honey’, is he related to SJ?

        *See comments concerning “Bunns”, much higher on the page*

        Sorry SJ……, I’m sure there will be a payback…

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          LimeLolly permalink

          *must resist urge to ask embarrassing questions*

          Adores: 1
  18. 2010 October 12

    Flowers on their side
    By: The Adoors

    Flowers on their side
    Flowers on their side
    Into this house they grow
    Onto canvas they get thrown
    Like a hypno dog without a bone
    An act of reflecto porn
    Flowers on their side

    There’s a house on the road
    It’s lawn screemin’ to get mowed
    Take a long alcohoholiday
    Let your children play
    If with this perver they ride
    Sweet spice Christ they will die
    Killer on the road, yeah

    Man ya gotta love your PAM
    Man ya gotta love your PAM
    Take him to buy a can
    Make him understand
    The fact you wears depends
    Our leak will never end
    Gotta love your Pam, yeah

    Wow!

    Flowers on their side
    Flowers on their side
    Into this house they grow
    Onto canvas they get thrown
    Like a hypno dog without a bone
    An act of reflecto porn
    Flowers on their side

    Flowers on their side
    Flowers on their side
    Flowers on their side
    Flowers on their side
    Flowers on their side

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 October 12
      mudslicker permalink

      And here I thought that was the karaoke version of Writers Of The Porn.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 12
        CoffDrop permalink

        Heh – mudsie! A lovely Doors reference………

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Thank you for the link. I often wonder if Jim Morrison, had he lived, would be a big, fat insufferable bore now.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      CoffDrop permalink

      And HamCan too! Now I get it. I’m rather obtuse at times. Speaking of which, time for my meds…….

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 12
        LurkRealClose permalink

        I often wonder if Jim Morrison, had he lived, would be a big, fat insufferable bore now.

        And HamCan too!

        Wait, HamCan’s a big, fat insufferable bore now?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 12

          Yeah, what’s it to you?

          *Uses tractor beam to flip LRC’s poncho-tail*

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 12

          LRC…yeah, I saw that too but was too busy creating a fine mist of water to be cleaned from the screen to comment….*chortle*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Hammy, would the orbiting cave of technological wonders happen to be the space station in this (video game, duh) trailer?

          Note: if the characters in the trailer (if you watched the whole thing; I won’t hold it against anyone if they didn’t, or if they didn’t watch it at all) seem way too emotional, note that it’s a Japanese video game. Let’s hope I got the link right, with the “no editing” problem.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          NMN – Thanks for the Motor Storm suggestion, BTW. I’m getting a copy of Arctic Edge for my Dad (he only has a PS2).

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Sigh…only a PS2….missing out on so many games….
          Fallout 3, MotorStorm in high def, Darksiders, Vanquish (see link in previous comment by me), Assassin’s Creed…I should stop listing them; there’s too many.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Wait….why am I sad about him using only a PS2? I still play some (one) very well-known (highly obscure) American (Japanese) video game from the classic Playstation. Sadly, I threw it out (nope, it’s in my room right now; all four discs of it).

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          He’s not really interested in that many games. He did purchase an Xbox for the sole purpose of playing one game, got tired of the game, and then sold the Xbox and the game.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          NotMyName permalink

          Any clue what game? Hmm…let me think. Racing + Xbox = ??? Even I have no clue.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          I want to say Burnout, but I’m not sure. It was only available on Xbox, which is why he bought one.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          NotMyName permalink

          Hmmm….Burnout…he probably bought Burnout 2. It had to be the worst in the series. Burnout 3 was the best, at least on old consoles. Then Domination came out for PS2. Didn’t like it much. And I still need to buy Paradise, for the PS3.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      J-Dog permalink

      Hammy,

      I’m sure that Jim Morrison is smiling down upon your orbiting techno HQ from his psychedelic haze. A boat load of doors to you…

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 12

      Nice one, Hammy! I love how well PAM works for this.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 12
        PamCan permalink

        What’d I do?

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          Nothing, but I think Jim Morrison huffed you…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          christina permalink

          I thought Pam was the one who got all huffy.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          Fixi.eeee Bike.sssss?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          No Gollum, it’s my ring.

          Whenever I see multiple “s”s after words, I always think “No, it isss oursss, our preciousss.”
          Someone tell me I’m not crazy.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          *crosses fingers behind her back*
          No, NMN, you’re not at all crazy. No one here is crazy. You are all completely sane. :D

          Adores: 2
  19. 2010 October 12
    Tankerbell permalink

    La, La, La… Enjoying my time here in the box (BOX, not something else. I’m down with the rainbow and all, but I don’ wanna be in no golden lotus, no matter how much of an honor it is.).

    Anyway, the art in here sucks. If only we could find a cell phone photo of some horizontal flowers, or maybe a giant goldfish preparing to devour a lovely young couple. Perhaps a family at a riverside with a randomly-inserted George Washington (altho i’d never heard he liked random insertion)…

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      Speaking of art, I saw a picture (ok, it was computer-created) of a dragon (I like dragons, sue me) that said, underneath of it, “Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.” That made me laugh.

      Yes that was a random thought. Oh well.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 12
        kelli permalink

        My daughter (the one eating the gingerbread house in my current avie) has a bumper sticker with that slogan on it. No car, just a bumper sticker.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 12
        bombdude permalink

        That quote is variant of “Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger” from Lord of the Rings.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          And I will now alter it to “Do not mess in my affairs, for I am easily ticked off and good with weapons.”*

          *Completely true.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 13

        Ah,my signature tagline….

        “Never anger a dragon, for thou art crunchy and go well with brie.”

        Imagine that in Sean Connery’s voice and it’s much better….and now I can’t remember the movie where he did the dragon-voice.

        Anybody?

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          Dragonheart.

          Adores: 0
  20. 2010 October 12

    This reminds me of the Museum of Bad Art

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 12
      Lola permalink

      MOBA is a bucket lister for me, for certain.

      Adores: 0
  21. 2010 October 12
    Tankerbell permalink

    EB, what in the wide world of sports do you DO that could require pics of apparently non-minty, uh, members?

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      This seems quite randomly placed, TB.* I don’t see a comment by EB near here, not to mention one talking about non-minty “members.”**

      *Can I still call you Andie? It’s easier.

      **Then again, I didn’t exactly look very much.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 12
        Tankerbell permalink

        NMN, of course you can still call me Andie. It is easier, I agree.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Bwa-ha-ha-ha. I work for an online vocational education company (not like Uni of Phoenix, we don’t do degrees), and one of the things we teach is medical billing. In the next few years, the US is required to switch from ICD-9 medical codes to ICD-10 codes, which require a much more detailed knowledge of anatomy. My current (well, previous, I just finished it up today) is comparing our anatomy modules with what the new coders will need to know… A lot of anatomical bits have multiple names, so I need several reference pictures to make sure I’m talking about the same thing. And I love creeping out my coworkers :-p

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 12

        Well you succeeded in creeping me out just with a vague description of the pictures, so mission accomplished!

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 12
        Tankerbell permalink

        Is it bad that I want to see the pictures now?

        Adores: 1
  22. 2010 October 12
    CapnMac permalink

    Ok, to the ‘other’ topic of the day.
    Adores have been off, as well as edit functions.
    Others seem to be able to adore, though.

    Now, metrics are giving me that my connection is only running about 62% of normal speed, too.

    Tried FF from this desktop (circa 1600 CDT) and was given the 400 Bad Request on clicking to comments. IE has been error-free, other than Adores being locked out.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12

      Well the edit’s been turned off, from what I understand.
      Adores show up fine for me, if a bit slow (but that’s probably my connection).

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 12
        CapnMac permalink

        For odd, just noticed that the first four comments are not “+1″, like they had been “clicked.”

        Will try later, after clearing cache & cookies again.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      drmk permalink

      Yup, as per the big ol’ notification bar at the top of the main page, I turned off the edit comments function to test to see if that was causing the problems.

      I’m going to give it a couple of days, but early results seem to indicate that it’s not the cause of the 400 Bad Request errors some folks seem to get.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Yes, as this combination actually managed to “break” the tablet PC as the reliable, goto platform.

        Tablet (about 2200 CDT) would open homepage in FF, but would “400″ on clicking Forums, or Comments, buttons. IE was stable for about 15 minutes, even allowed adores, until clicking an adore got a “Internal Error, try again later”–which means, on my machine, “You have 2 or three clicks before a “400″ error.”

        Now, scrubbed the cache on the tablet, and IE ran normally, FF would not. Adores ran until about 2330CDT. After which, IE would only load “With Errors on Page”.

        Desktop was scrubbed, and IE runs, if with broken Adores. (And a random swathe of “clicked”, i.e. “+1″ Adores in the stack.)

        “Broken” Adores may also be an artifact of the latest-greatest version of AVG, which does some active scanning, allegedly in the backgound, until the “system idle” time out kicks in.

        So, as of 0133 CDT, comments work, not adores, edit functions (as expected) are off.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 13
          NotMyName permalink

          What do you mean? I can still adore people. Here, I’ll adore you right now.

          Adores: 2
  23. 2010 October 12
    NotMyName permalink

    Wow there seems to be no one commenting anymore….it’s so quiet…nice and quiet…someone say something!*

    *Why, yes I am extraordinarily bored right now.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      kelli permalink

      Misthanthropic manly pointers.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Which seems so inappropriate next to that expression over the gingerbread somehow . . .

        (Even as I know the two are not linkied in any way, shape, or fashion.)

        It’s like passing a dog speaking Esperanto–talking dog would not be as surprising as recognizing spoken Esperanto (to me, at least)

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12

      something

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Something

        But, I’ve been out walking, too. Managed to skeer a fellow perambulator (who should have known better, we talked about the possibility of just such a situation just last night–le sigh).

        Adores: 0
  24. 2010 October 12
    NotMyName permalink

    Rereading what drmk said about the ad, I realized something. Europe isn’t a country. Admittedly, I knew that anyways, it’s common sense, but it still didn’t register.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      drmk permalink

      Well done!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 12
        NotMyName permalink

        I do not know whether to be offended, because that could be sarcasm (hard to tell with text), or happy that someone actually responded to me.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          LimeLolly permalink

          I live by the adage: If you always take offense, you’ll always be unhappy… so don’t worry.. be happy. Oh wait… maybe it was a song, or something…..:shrug:

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          BrainStew permalink

          I think you should be offended.

          Almost as bad as someone, a long time ago, asking me how far Paris was from France. Europe is at most a Union…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          Go with happy …

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 12
          christina permalink

          Can I still be offended that New Jersey is a state?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          As long as I’m allowed to be mad that I don’t live in a video game universe….wait….which one do I want to be in….

          *Sits down to ponder that thought.*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          I’m just going to roll with LL’s comment up there, and try to put it like this:
          “If you always take offense, you are paranoid; if you never take offense, you are foolish.”

          Does that make sense?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          I would totally live in Super Mario world…. 1ups, flowers that give you fire power, money floating in the sky just waiting to be grabbed, stars that make you temporally invincible, a dinosaur to ride around on… yeah, that’s the life!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 12
          NotMyName permalink

          But….giant dragon-dinosaur thing kidnaps your girlfriend? Giant fire breathing plants? Meh, I’d rather live in the Ratchet and Clank universe. Everything’s cartoony-ish there, there’s loads of sci-fi….and…..of course my internet connection goes out….guns.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 12

          Castlevania, totally. If I’m hungry I can just hit a random wall and find a pork chop, if I need money I can just smash a few light fixtures. I get to have a whip and a leather skirt…oh…wait, I can already do that…I get to kill zomb-

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 13
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, it is my belief that our benevolent and apiarily-revered host was invoking a sparky-meme of barely being able to idenitfy their own corporeal geography, let alone sort out whycome theys all those collurs on the map over dere.

          Having committed to that sparky-luge, we were treated to the entire bobsled track run, ommitting only the mullets.

          (Tho- it might have been funnier to suggest poking Looneys up the Docent’s putative g-string.)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 13
          drmk permalink

          Precisely, Capn. In my head, I was hearing the voice of the Texan who was sitting behind me on the plane back from Switzerland; they spent a large portion of the flight lamenting that they couldn’t find a “decent hamburger or barbeque” anywhere they went in Europe. No, really.

          Adores: 2
  25. 2010 October 12
    Tankerbell permalink

    I, too, thought drmk* outdid Herself with today’s post.

    *Bee be upon Her.**

    **Yes, just one. Recession, ya know. Had to furlough some of the bees.

    Adores: 3
  26. 2010 October 12
    Windrose permalink

    TankerAndieBell! You are in line for an official Punchity Punch Punch! And you are fast becoming a contender for the Quarterly Don’t Suck Off! Speaking of which, September ended the third quarter. I got me some counting to do.

    G’Night, Europa!

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      There’s a quarterly “Don’t Suck Off?”

      Anyone else think that phrase was very thinly-veiled innuendo?

      Are there prizes?

      Maybe my mind is just in the gutter…..

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 12

        Yes, you get a Golden Glotus to take home and put on your mental.

        Adores: 1
  27. 2010 October 12
    NotMyName permalink

    So, drmk. I had just finished typing a comment saying that turning off the edit function probably won’t fix the error 405 problem, seeing how the site is working slower than normal with it off. Anyways, I clicked “post comment,” and…..I got an error 405 message. So, I think the edit function being off may have made it worse.

    But that’s just me opinion. Just thought you should know.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 12
      NotMyName permalink

      I’m going to quote myself.
      “But that’s just me opinion.”
      Yarrr. I miss the edit function.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 13
      CapnMac permalink

      I’ve never seen a 405 Method Not Allowed here.

      Had to go pull the error code sheets to see that 405 is a Post error, as is the 400 Bad request.

      That (almost) suggests that it could be a a bandwidth IN error, not an OUT b/w error.

      Or, it could still be that the server farm is staffed by “Clerks” wannabes who randomly get carried away with Rock Hero of Wii Zelda or the like. (Hey, Kevin Smith has not had an NJ movie out in a while . . . )

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 13
        NotMyName permalink

        You mean Metal Gear of Honor: Modern Resistance IXV.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          CapnMac permalink

          Not on a would-be “Jay & Silent Bob” budget.

          These are the guys who got kicked out of their squat-share for not cleaning the kitchen–selling the headsets for pizza would interfere with MGoH.

          Which would not stop them from taping a usb cord to a pool cue and hooking up to the last couple servers in the back part of the floor where their is more room to inline skate (or out of the video cam line-of-sight)

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          NotMyName permalink

          *Wonders if Capn realized that the “game” I stated was a mash-up of 5 different games.*

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 13
      drmk permalink

      Was it actually 405? Or was it the usual 400 Bad Request error?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 13
        NotMyName permalink

        Yes. I have always recieved 405 errors, never 400 Bad request errors. I don’t know what everyone is talking about.

        Adores: 0
  28. 2010 October 12
    Bavec permalink

    So, I’m just thinking here, but assuming the painting isn’t an original painting but a copy of a painting, and they took a picture of a copy of a painting… I could get a screenshot of their picture and print it out for a lot less than $1200, right?
    And then I could take a picture of that…
    Anybody want a picture of a screenshot of a picture of a copy of a painting? It’s going for $1200– like any good painting.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 13
      BrainStew permalink

      I think you mean like every good painting.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 13
      CapnMac permalink

      Bavec hits upon a vaild point, this “art” is not even alleged to be even an artist’s lithograph, which might have that sort of price tag.

      $12.00 pretty stiff for inkjet run print of print of litho shrink-wrapped on foamcore . . . and, no frame, either!

      Adores: 0
  29. 2010 October 13
    BrainStew permalink

    Three days ago it appeared on my wall. I do not remember if I purchased it, though it carries a faded price tag proclaiming it’s worth at 1,200 dollars. It is not unusual for things to appear and disappear like this. My house had become a motel for odd objects; they seemed to come and go as they pleased. But this one stayed.

    Spiny green fingers reach out from a gravity defying bowl that sketched out a perfect circle on the pitch black of the background. These fingers stretch out and end in pops of orchids in purple. The flowers stare. They mock the laws of physics. They eat at my soul.

    I have tried to turn the painting upright. At night, before I sleep, I feel the overwhelming urge to fix it’s blatant statement against nature, it’s defiance of the natural order to the level of physical perversion. I find the image of those green fingers burned on the backs of my eyelids in full color. So I turn it 90 degrees and re-affix it to the wall.

    Each one of these nights I have a nightmare. I do not remember what it is, aside from the feeling of despair that settles into my bones as the dream continues. I know I almost die in the dream, because one image sticks in my mind as I am jolted awake as one often is when nearly dying in a dream.

    It is those green fingers circling my throat. Tighter and tighter.

    I have thrown it out. I have buried it. I have given it away. It always returns. Perhaps I will burn my house down with the vodka that has always been my remedy to all. I think this is the next logical step, though logic seems to have no place where gravity cannot even prevail.

    But when I think about burning the house, the flames filling the sky with a cloud of gray and black to blot out the sun, I always see those green fingers with their purple tips rising up out of the ashes and slithering towards me, closer and closer, unmarked by the flames.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 October 13
      NotMyName permalink

      I got up because I couldn’t sleep. This isn’t going to help…

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 13
        BrainStew permalink

        I write my best (read: creepiest) things late at night…

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 13
          NotMyName permalink

          Then again, it can’t help that I’m also listening to rock music, a la A7X. At 2 in the morning. At full volume.* I’m an idiot.

          *I’m using earbuds, so as to not wake everyone up.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          NotMyName permalink

          What does it say about me that I couldn’t sleep, and decided to try to chat on YSAC?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 October 13
          CapnMac permalink

          That intelligent conversation is its own reward, no matter the cost.

          Why ‘Stew is having my nightmares is toubling, unless she is and escapee from ConSec and needs to up her Ephemerol dose . . .

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 October 13

      Well, creepy or not Brain, this is very, very good. Elebenty doors to you!

      Adores: 1
  30. 2010 October 15
    kiki permalink

    You were in Holland and you didn’t come visit me?????

    Adores: 0

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS