YSaC, Vol. 829: Stop and taste the flowers.
Butt ugly Wedding bouquets
White/ivory cascade $75.00 Lavender mix. $30.00 Red rose $45.00 Mixed bouquet $50.00 contact me if interested can do custom orders.
Now there’s an interesting sales technique. I’m no floral expert, but those look like perfectly serviceable wedding bouquets. I mean, I’d happily eat any one of those. Maybe they’re trying to use reverse psychology on us? Maybe they’re trying to appeal to the hipster crowd, who would only purchase flower arrangements ironically?
Or maybe, the ad was put up by this person:
retail florish
looking for experienced person , for full time to work in local florish shop . need experience with
order taking solfware please !! only experienced need apply # xxx xxx xxxx rob ,janice or betty lou
I usually only feel florish after I’ve had a few too many Belgian Tripels. And, oddly enough, one of those incidents led to me holding a butt-ugly wedding bouquet at a chapel in Las Vegas.* So now this all makes sense.
Thanks, Anne and Jennifer!
*This may actually be true. Or it may not.
Does the florish shop person have MPD?
No, and it appears that they don’t have FTD either
BVDs?
MP3s?
ABC’s?
STDs?
You not me
PVPs?
PCP
Oh, I thought we were doing a Jackson 5 song…
NVB NVB
LSD, that’s why the bouquets are Butt ugly. They keep floating around while the flourish is trying to arrange them
Are they down with OPP? Yeah you know me.
M-o-o-s-e?
Yay Cap’n, thanks from me!
Well, the sing-song “M-O-U-S-E” was in my head, what with all the initializing going on.
(That, and “Domo Arigato Robotto Mu-Su San” did not ‘scan’ well <G>)
BOA’s?
MPD? Oh, the order taking solfware: The MPD Programming Language…..
Actually, I was going for Multiple Personality Disorder which is also sometimes known as Diassociative Identity Disorder*, but the software thing works too.
*It drives me slightly more crazy when people refer to this as being schizophrenic. Schizophrenia is a seperate and completely different disorder.
Did we stop using corey tags? I never got that memo. 😉
I don’t think a shirt that says, “I have MPD and so do I” would be half as funny though.
[peanut butter ot] To me, the “I’m schizophrenic and so am I” shirts and jokes stopped being funny when I was in 6th grade and knew an actual schizophrenic. I do still find the “I do what the voices tell me” shirts funny and I would love an “I have MPD (or DID) and so do I” shirt. We all have different tastes in shirts, humor, and whatnot. As my mom used to say, “that’s why there’s two types of peanut butter.*” [/0t]
*I bet y’all were wondering what this ot had to do with peanut butter until now 🙂
How about a shirt that says, “I like peanut butter and so do I”? 😀
I knew the difference at a young age as well, my aunt gave me her old psych 101 book when I was a kid and I had a lot of fun diagnosing my siblings with it. My mother found it amusing until she realised there were a few chapters devoted to sexual disorders and confiscated it until I was in high school.
My friend and co-irker when I was at the pet store (many, many, many moons ago) was a pysch major and tended to diagnose everyone (including herself) with whatever affliction(s) she was currently studying. It amused some and annoyed others.
When I worked there I thought it was funny and so did I.
Funny, I don’t remember working with a gender changing Goddess. Did you work there before or after it burnt down?*
*actual question a Sparky asked me
[psychiatry corey] thanks for being thoughtful about the DID/schizophrenia issue. The distinction is correct. Schizophrenia is a chronic, usually debilitating mental illness defined by auditory and or visual hallucinations, delusional beliefs, thought disorganization, loss of interest/motivation/daily functionality without depressed mood. Antipsychotics work pretty well but carry a lot of long term side effects and sometimes make people think slower, which a lot of folks don’t like. DID/multiple personality is somewhat controversial as not all psychiatrists are sure it exists, and it may be a side product of overzealous therapy causing patients to eventually believe that different emotional states ar actually separate people….but other folks have had striking experiences with different personalities or “alters.”. So I won’t get much more into that topic, aside from noting it is a rarely seen disorder and somewhat out of the mainstream.
probably more about psychiatry than anyone wanted from YSaCL.
/[psychiatry corey]
Thank you dretak (or is that Dr Etak?) for the cogent explaination.
Way I was taught it, schizophrenics (may) develop another identity yo cope with the stimuli they are perceiving, or they (may) create an identity for those stimuli.
Whereas, in MPD/DID, the “main” personality has “blackouts” where other, often unique, personalities/identities are expressed.
We very much appreciate it, dretak, at least I do. I can’t think of too many other places on the internet where the regulars have a healthy balance of educated discussions and grade school humor without a fight breaking out every third thread.
Let’s see…If you’re schizophrenic, you don’t know you have multiple personalities…or is it the other way around? I forget.
[corey] Schizophrenics do not have multiple personalities unless they also have MPD (extremely rare). Schizophrenics do hear voices and form complex alternate realities in which they try to fit our actual reality. There’s more to it, but I really don’t have the pysch background to lay it all out. [/corey]
We do not!
Yes we do!!
You be quite it’s my turn!
Quite WHAT?!
Poor Hammy seems to be letting his inner Taco out.
Is that what we’re calling his feminine side now?
Thtop it!
As long as the minge is not let out, all will be good
I’ve talked to Interested and he said he can’t do custom orders, sorry.
Well, it makes perfect sense to me. If you want flowers in the town of Ish, you go to the Florish.
Nope, I’ve got no idea what they call them in [location].
[Mumifacation] ?
Only in California, if you are a Realtor.
I think that would be the florist in Egypt.
Nope, I’ve got no idea what they call them in [location].
They call them “Floration”, of course. If all the businesses of this type have closed, then the town is in the state of “Defloration”, or has been “deflowered”. This may or may not have been done with a florish.
You know, I always thought “deflowered” meant something quite different…
It’s when you get the white stuff off your hands when you make a cake.
I thought it involved white stuff, but I didn’t realize it had anything to do with baking a cake.
Apparently you had quite a prom.
I insist that you bake me a cake if you want to deflower me.
You’re supposed to get cake? I didn’t even get a sympathy card!
Cheesecake ok?
The. cake. is. a. lie.
That bad, huh?
I thought it involved white stuff, but I didn’t realize it had anything to do with baking a cake.
(Singing) “If I knew you were coming, I’d a baked a cake, baked a cake, baked a cake. If I knew you were coming I’d a baked a cake, Howd’ya do, howd’ya do, howd’ya do.”
Do you get to lick the beaters?
What?! – it was a cooking question!
Bridgete, Yes…yes it was.
When I was photographing weddings, I’m sure I photographed all of these bouquets – and much more, too many to list.
Did the “much more” involve a mirror on your shoe?
elebenty million doors
Betty Lou
By: Bud Seger
Have you heard the news
It’s all over CL
If you ain’t read it boys
You better sit down
I got the ad here
It’s hot off the press
Brace yourself now
And take a deep breath
Grab a hold of something
Hold on tight
Betty Lou becomes a florish tonight
First read the ad down by 12 little couches
The poor Sparky he was going insane
His stuff is selling out like never before
He finally had to open an ugly flower store
All the bouquets were getting ready to wilt
Betty Lou becomes a florish tonight
Betty Lou becomes a florish tonight
Betty Lou becomes a florish tonight
She was bad
Boss Janice got mad
But now Rob said it’s all right
All the bouquets were getting ready to wilt
Betty Lou becomes a florish tonight
Betty Lou
Betty Lou
It’s all true
It’s really true
What do you think about ugly bouquets
I’ve got a raging sinus headache from hell this morning so I may be missing an obvious joke, but, can someone explain the eating the flowers comment to me?
I always threaten to eat flowers.
Seems like something a llama would do, so no worries.
Ah, thank you. I wondered if there was some sort of wedding tradition where the girl who catches the bouquet has to put it in her freezer and eat it a year later in order to make the prophecy come true.
(I opted for the Vegas wedding to preserve my sanity.)
My brother just got married and I caught the bouquet. I sincerely hope I am not supposed to eat it.
Dearest Llama-nun, may these bees be upon you.
http://animals.icanhascheezburger.com/2010/10/21/funny-animal-videos-buzzing-to-breakbeats/
One of my favorite lolcats (yes I like select lolcats) is one where a cat is looking into a box with a flower arrangement in it and is making a face that looks totally delighted. The caption says “This will make wonderful pukes!” in lolspeak of course.
I think edible flowers are really cool but I am not partial to roses.
I was thinking that I make silk flower arrangements and have made wedding bouquets. And that, if you ate them, they would make beautiful … results.
Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
Bees be upon you……..
And – super buzz Windy…..
CD, it’s odd I’ve never seen the movie. I read the book and watched the TV show. I will have to check it out.
Glad you liked the hive mind music!
Have you ever had these? Or these? We sold them for French Club in high school. They’re interesting.
Aww, my links were too massive. I’m being moderated.
Je vais prendre deux de chaque Bridgete – ils sont faibles en glucides – droit?
Oui, je pense.
I ate at a restaurant (in NY btw) that had edible flowers on the menu. It was so long ago though.. I think the first course was an acorn soup with lots of petals floating on top.
It tasted okay…but I had a heck of time getting rid of the bees and chipmunks that kept following me.
Butt Ugly Wedding Bouquets does a lot of business, based on some of the weddings I’ve attended. I believe they’re in the same strip mall as Gag Me With a Spoon Wedding Cakes and the very popular Cringe-Inducing Bridesmaid Dress Boutique. Their slogan is “Sequins and ruffles are not enough – let’s put a giant bow on your ass!”
Wouldn’t it be a little hard to shoot an ass bow?
The arrow storage seems like it would be painful too.
The quiver would make you quiver?
Well, the Romans called their donkey-carried crossbow an “onager” just to be really confusing.
That’s what a string bikini is for.
I think the other slogan is “Your big day is the best excuse to dress your friends in teal and puce!”
Remember brides, you’ll look twice as lovely if your bridesmaids look like the Teletubbies puked on them.
One idea for my wedding was going to be asking everyone to wear the ugliest bridesmaid’s dress that they had to wear for someone else’s wedding. I thought this was a brilliant idea until Friend X pointed out that she would have to wear the dress from Friend Y’s wedding — and that Friend Y would be at my wedding.
hell, just have them dress like the teletubbies. Make sure one of them is that creepy giggly baby in the sun.
drmk*, I love that idea! Although my best friend and I have agreed that we will not make each other wear ugly dresses. I suppose even asking her to wear an ugly dress someone else put her in still violates the agreement.
*Bees be with you.
And this is just one of the reasons why I didn’t have bridesmaids. They never forgive you. I certainly never forgave those for whom I was a bridesmaid.
I am proud to say I will never have to be a bridesmaid.
Don’t be so sure of that, Astro. I’ve been to plenty of weddings where the maid of honor was a straight male or the best ‘man’ was a straight female. These are not traditional times we live in.
Yeah, the right person askes you to stand by their side when the wineglass is broken, you’ll likely do just that, and sweat the titles later.
It might be a safeer, Astro, for you to aver that you will not wear a bridesmaid’s dress to a wedding except in the most extremely unlikley occurance.
Some that I have seen more resemble teal and puke…
I’m pretty sure that’s how puce was named.
You can’t see the special design that allows the “Single handed wedding gown hoist” that is so popular. It’s an anti- gravity device to defy the downward slide of the wedding gown which leaves the Bridal Boobs on full display.
The only deficit…no glitter on these bouquets!
Nothing says lifetime commitment like cheap silk and plastic flower arrangements. Except for maybe gold-plated tin wedding bands, bridesmaids carrying parasols or a DJ playing the chicken dance.
I may have to challenge you to a duel. 😉
I love the chicken dance and I’m not afraid to say it!
Me too, Manda! You and I can do it while ToBe mocks us – we can take it.
I’ve done entertainment at more wedding receptions than I care to remember, and the Chicken Dance has always been requested by the bride if it was played.
I KNOW!! One of my nightmares is a memory of my sister-in-law’s mother doing the chicken dance!
Had I known I was going to lose 55lbs after getting married, I would have opted for gold plated tin rings, or plastic gumball machine rings for that matter, instead of the non-resizable titanium. I’m currently rocking a stylish hair elastic to keep the ring from falling off until I get the new rings (husband has the same problem).
hey, be happy you both lost it! I am fighting with weight watchers right now and I would love to have that problem with my rings.
Bless you, Christina! I lost about 60 on Jenny Craig, and now I found it all again and more, and am wondering if I need to go to some inpatient eating disorder place. And if Pizza Hut delivers there.
Maybe you and hubby can get new rings as a celebration of your achievement!
Thank you both. 🙂
I was only able to do it because I didn’t have a choice, it was either stay the way I was and end up on insulin, or make some lifestyle changes. Considering I have an aversion to needles, I was willing to give up venti mochas and white bread. Atkins might have been a fad, but you’d be surprised at what a difference a few carbs makes.
I demand science create a pill I can take once a day, or twice at the most, that will allow me to eat all the chocolate and fresh bread and cheese I want, and still lose 2 lbs a week. In half a year, I’ll be off the diabetic meds, off the high blood pressure meds, off the cholesterol meds, and maybe off the anti-depressants. Then I just have to take the pill once in a while.
I hope to take more proactive steps once I get away from the Social Worker From Hell Boss I have now, and if that means retiring, then I will be walking daily and eating sensibly. I always eat less at home than at work. Too many cages to clean here. 8)
Now if you’ll excuse me, the fever is insisting I go back to sleep.
Windrose, dark chocolate (more than 80% cocoa) is low in sugar and has the added bonus of fiber, antioxidents and can act as an anti-depressant. True, it has a lot more saturated fat, but you don’t need very much to be satisfied.
My mom was on everything you listed above until just recently. She started going to the gym about two years ago, walking the treadmill, lost 40lbs and she’s off everything except metformin.
[EMS corey] Titanium rings are frowned on by the ambulance staff due to the fact that you can’t cut them off with the ring-cutter most ambulances carry. [/tourniquet amputation corey]
Chicken dance? I’m in!
ooo! Parasols! Thanks for the idea!*
*just kidding**
** maybe
Check out this site if you enjoy weddings from hell… some really mind-boggling, uh… fashion.
Not this chicken dance, surely?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJF6PBhAhlo&feature=related
Butt ugly Wedding bouquets
*Anagram fun*
Wounded Squiggly Butt Tube (Problem during a colonoscopy)
Guys Quibbled, Dog Went Tutu (Argument over which dog widdled on the Dalek)
We Tout Bugling Buddy Quest (Charge!)
Toque Bulging Busty Wet Dud (And he found out they were fake)
Bedbug Quietly Dug Two Nuts (OUCH!!)
Nudge Wobbly Gut Stud Quiet (Bad belly button piercing)
Bowleg Quintets Buy Dud Tug (Five identical cowboys purchase a bad boat)
_____________________________________________________________
retail florish
*Anagram fun*
Sir, Hero Ill Aft (Sinbad barfs off the poopdeck)
Hot Air Fillers (Politicians)
Fart Oil Relish (Yum, not)
Filthier Orals (Dirtier Roberts)
First Hole Liar (
she was not a virginCheats at golf)Ah, Hammy. May your anagram explanations always make Diet Coke a dangerous proposition.
I’d like to apply for the florish job.
Voilà!
Voilà! Voilà! Voilà!
When do I start?
I was going to apply, but I am much better at brandishing.
I prefer wielding…wait what?
I like welding.
I think I have a bike.
I think I have $1
My skills are welding have called, well, many things, “brandishing” and “weilding” would be the least-offensive imprecations I could imagine bowlderizing said critiques.
Viola! Viola! Viola!
One shy of a string quartet?
And you need at least one trumpet player to be a mariachi band <g>
I’d like more information before I rob Janice or Betty Lou. Which one has the biggest tips? Do either of them know martial arts? Is Betty Lou over 60?
solfware sounds like golf software. Either that or they are speaking old English when letters became other letters for the fun of it.
I thought a person was Flourish if they had one Walloon and one Flem parent . . . ?
Walloon.
That’s a fun word to say.
Walloon.
Walloon. Walloon. Walloon.
Walloon.
*ahem*
That will be all.
99 Flem Walloons
Auf florish Weg zum Horizont
At the BOA Regional this weekend, the Towson University Band performed 99 Red Balloons as part of their exhibition. It was a good performance.
Astro, I keep thinking you would make a good Miles Vorkosigan if they ever film any of those books. 8)
Those books?
What books are “those books”?
Ah, sorry. The Miles Vorkosigan series by Lois McMaster Bujold. Actually starts before Miles is born with Shards of Honor.
Future book club selection?
Ohhh, great idea! 8)
You know what? I don’t care if they’re long books. I suggest Off Armageddon Reef, and subsequent books. There, I said it.
I get the butt ugly. I mean, this florist is unloading her blown roses on some poor unsuspecting bride who’ll be lucky to have any petals left by the time she gets down the aisle. This might be kind of interesting in a symbolic deflowering of the bride kind of way, though.
The blown roses also go a long way toward explaining why she’s charging so much less for most of a bunch of roses than she is for one or two stems of lilies, even if they are Stargazers, which I can’t quite tell from the picture.
And then there’s the whole feathers and creepy plastic spirals thing. Ew.
I appreciate her honesty. Not, you know, a lot.
See, I was assuming they were fake flowers. Either that or samples (as in “These are really the only ones I can do, and I’m aware they’re not that great”).
Blown Roses is the name of HamCan and Grampdaddy’s Guns N’ Roses cover band.
Or the name of my Stone Roses cover band.
You’re doing WHAT to roses?
Astro, someday you will learn the true power of roses…
http://astrognash.deviantart.com/gallery/
Just wanted to let you all know that I’m uploading a few photos from the YMCA Camp we stayed at for the BOA Regional to DeviantArt. I’ll also be uploading more later.
If you really like my photos, I would vastly appreciate the purchase of prints.
Meredith, what is this pattern I see developing? You’re in the Golden Lotus with a bear! On a Hat Stand, no less! Tsk Tsk. Well, share this among yourselves: Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Vegas!
PS, sorry I didn’t Round-Up Saturday. If I stay home ill tomorrow, as I just may have to, I will try to do that during my lucid moments. 8)
It would probably be more interesting if you tried to do it during your less lucid moments. Just saying.
Here I am, too late for Sunday’s post, too early for Monday’s…
So is this just reverse-psychology marketing, or is it supposed to mean something that makes sense? This is bothering me, a lot.