YSaC, Vol. 835: Panic!
swm 58 iso affordable sf or pass,? – 58
hi! there i,m steve semi tall large never very neat after you get back from one of your long drives i mostly use my assorted bycycle to get back and forth on ,? mostly to groceries and other,? i would maybe ,? like to connect but at the end and the beginning of each month i don,t have a lot of extra $ to begin or end with i currently reside in a house thats mostly paid for ,? i have a small building and deck out back that i normally hide out in inbetween odd jobs and more ,maybe some time if u still want to get together to consider one moment at a time or less and what else would you like to know more recent fitted for pants and shirt casual to wedding 36w/29″ inseam and shirts 17″ kneck and 36″ sleeve but i,m still 6’1″ and around 215lbs +/-
Lynne (who was also responsible for the ad for the Sundance film with no cast or crew) strikes gold again with this one. I can’t do much better than her response, which is this:
“I honestly don’t know where to begin w/this. Well, dear steve-semi-tall-large-never-very-neat (can I call you SSTLNVN for short?). Are you never very neat ONLY after I get back from one of my long drives… and what if I don’t want to go for a drive, steve? Huh – what do you say to that? Would you pick me up in your assorted bycycle? Would you steve? Maybe?”
And, I’m not sure if Lynne realized this, but about a month later she sent in another ad that is almost certainly by the same Steve:
look i allready have a nearby for drinks – 58
PROBALLY LESS THAN A MILE AWAY BUT I FEEL THAT I WANT AND DESERVE A WHOLE LOT MORE,? IF,? FOR ONE THING HER DRINKS R TO FAR AWAY I KNOW THAT HER LESS DECEITFULL REPLACEMENT WILL BE ALOT CLOSER TO ME AT 1ST GLANSE,? I,M NEAR THE COMMUTER OF [LOCATION#1] BUT OVER INTO [LOCATION #2],? IF I,M NOT GOING TO BUNK WITH [LOCATION #1] WHAT MAKES U THINK,? I,M HEADING FURTHER OUT ,? LONG TIME AGO ANOTHER WAS MUCH CLOSER AND I MADE CONTACT WITH HER,? BUT TEARING AWAY A MUCH BIGGER THAN I WAS WILLING TO GET OVERINVOLVED WITH AFTER ,? BACKTO SQUARE 1 ,WITH OR WITHOUT U BACK TO MY DAYLY SCEDULES EACH DAY IS DIFFERENT,? LET ME STOP THERE FOR A MOMENT ,? NO NEED TO LIE TO ME NOW AND SAY YOUR SAFE BUT ON SQUARE ONE SURGICAL ON SQUARE #2 CONSIDER ADDING TOPICAL TO THAT ,? SQUARE #3 IF U R A LADY DECOY IT LOOKS LIKE A MUCH LONGER NIGHT WHILE I CAN CONTINUE TO DOMUCH BETTER ELSE WISE HI I,M STEVE AND I,M HOPING THAT YOUR NIGHT IS TURNING OUT AS WELL AS YOUR DAY IF YOU,RE NOT MORE INTRESTED TO SHARE MY CABIN AND THE DAYS NEWS AND TV 1ST,? IF U SUDDENLY DECIDE TO PANNICK AND GO BACK TO SAME OLD NOT SUCH ANY GREAT U R FREE TO LEAVE AND I,LL STAY BEHIND KNOWING FROM MY PAST THAT BETTER CAN FIND ME LATTER VIA YOUR CUTTING BACK TO LESS?
If there’s one thing Steve needs, it’s for his drinks to be less than a mile away — after all, square #2 has had surgery, and requires topical anesthesia. I hear Cuervo is a great anesthesiologist. I wouldn’t drink the stuff, mind you, but if you hit someone on the head with the bottle it does a great job of knocking them out, at which point it’s really easy to steal their wallet … oh, erm, I mean … it’s easier to perform surgery on the lady decoy? This is getting weirder and weirder. I think I’ll panic.
Thanks, Lynne!
Color me flummoxed.
What other, besides flummed.?. can one do to oxen?
I’m glad.?. I have a football game.?. to go to.
See ya.?. kiddies!
Play nice, we have the black helos here today, and they are nervous.?, nellies.?. after yesterday’s too-much excitement.
(M.T.–if the SatPhone goes off, it’s not me.)
The first one was bad enough, but I really struggled to read the second. As for
LET ME STOP THERE FOR A MOMENT ,?
well, yes – please do stop there. And then turn around and leave, because you’re making my brain hurt.
In the first ad I’m mostly concerned about the shed out back where Steve hides inbetween jobs. I wonder if those “jobs” have something to do with the long drives his girlfriends like to take.
He mentions both a shed and a cabin. Two places I immediately associate with serial killers, but I thought serial killers were supposed to have crossed the line from genius to insanity. Stevie boy skipped a step.
I was convinced this was the world’s worst spambot, but then there was post #2. I can’t even blame ESL, unless we switch the meaning to English is Severely Lacking.
Either way, this calls for a few more coffee slices.
I had a waayyyy off topic vignette to share yesterday (since I wanted to be semi-anonymous and not put on facebook), and somehow I just ‘knew’ that today would be the better day to share it.
Driving home yesterday, I pass this ranch-style home with white fencing around the yard. Next to the gated entrance is this big sign that says “The Glory Hole est 1975”. This…. house… is located approximately 5 miles from my house, and I snicker uncontrollably every time I pass it, but in all honesty… it’s much too far away to visit everyday, and much too close to square 4. I sure don’t want to be having drinks there. No matter how neat and tidy the yard is.
Are you sure it wasn’t originally a…errr…bordello?
Oh wait, established 1975. Also, edit function is apparently gone; I must have missed the memo.
ah take a chance.? if u suddenly decide to pannick and go back to same old not such any great u r free to leave………
There seems to be an echo in here today……….
LOL… now I have a ads for Big & Tall Apparel and an Oral Surgeon. Can I pannick now?
Only on the streets of London. Or Birmingham, which might be closer, they never specified which Birmingham.
There seems to be an echo in here today. . .
It’s so lonely at the top, huh Windy?
*
In this case, I’m forced to assume that by “more,” he is either a part time hitman or serial killer, and he hides under his back deck when the police are looking for him.
*Obviously, I cleaned up the sentence. It’s a force of habit.
I always say “force of rabbit.” I’m not even sure where I picked that up.
ah take a chance.? if u suddenly decide to pannick and go back to same old not such any great u r free to leave………
*blinks*
*blinks again*
Erm….*sips coffee*
Uh…..*sips coffee*
*blinks*
*rubs eyes*
42?
Probably.
“42?”
Well, no, “Two Marks, while you’re thinking about it.”
Maybe you should splash the coffee on your face, it might work better.*
*This was meant in a kidding way, not to be mean. Also, YSaC does not condone the throwing of coffee into your face, and the court will not accept it.
If I can’t splash coffee on my face, how am I supposed to wake up?
CJ, I see your problem:
*sips coffee*
This ad clearly calls for gulps and chugs. Or splashing coffee on your face.
May I recommend a coffee high colonic? – wakey wakey……..
always 42, now determine the question
It is the bid you cannot make as I have three of your trump and a double.
< manaical, sleep-deprived, laughter >
Shed + Cabin =
Shabin, n, Eng, Describes domicile of various hermits, anchorites, and serial killers.
Ex:”Did you see the Dahmering Steve did to his Shabin? Tres Gein!
Dahmer as a verb! pure genius!
I love that steve semi tall never very neat gives his inseam measurement. Just in case you wanted to buy him some pants.
Pants aren’t all I want to buy for him.
Steve semi tall never neat should hook up with Sarah Plain and Tall. You know, as long as she lives near Square #1, we wouldn’t want to make ol’ Steve put too many miles on the assorted bicycle.
I actually read that initially as Sarah Palin, which seemed totally reasonable.
And I am now getting an ad for designer jeans.
I’m baffled by his inseam, actually. I’m not even 5’8″ and I buy pants with a 32″ inseam. Yeah, they’re a bit long, but not ridiculously so. If our pal Steve is 6’1″ and his inseam is 29″, I think he’s shopping for capris.
Or most of his height is from the neck up….. what a fathead.
I don’t know, some guys are more torso than legs. My husband’s inseam is 32, mine is 33 and he’s three inches taller than me, which puts him at 6’3″.
LADY DECOY is going to be my Patti LaBelle tribute band.
He DID leave his shirt measurements. We could pool our money and buy him a straight-jacket.
Wow …
That’s just …
Wow.
Steve sounds like a really … special kind of guy.
At first I was wondering where everyone was, but then I remembered: It’s the weekend.* I will now translate that to lol-speak out of sheer boredom.
Atm, I (like) wonderd were evry1 (like) waz, but then I was (like), its (like) teh weekind!!1!
Yes, I truly am that bored. I’m just trying to amuse myself.
(Like)
You need more ?’s.
NMN – Bored? How would you like to pull some weeds?
NMN, how about working up some anagrams for us? 8)
I’ll attempt that. Might be a bit, though.
Never mind, every site wants me to either sign up, or download, or pay. And I can’t do it by hand, sorry.
Try this one.
iso affordable sf or pass
Sassafras Boodle Ripoff – What I think this guy is actually trying for
Baa Offloads Serifs Pros – Sheep gets rid of professional typesetters?
Airbases Offloads Profs – Paratrooper Professors!
Affordable Ass Proof Sis – What every Sis should be!
Adorable Ass Riffs Poofs – NOT this poster. I can’t tell if he’s riffing on poofs or not but “adorable”, not so much.
Abrade Far Fossil Spoofs – Perhaps he’s making fun of sanding distant trilobites?
Nicely done Moira, Hamykins would be proud…..
Just call me, pass. Pas de problème
Dern… I miss edit function. dang comma.
No edit function puts us closer to understanding the Sparkies of the world.
Yes, I would certainly comment more if I wasn’t so terribly afraid of looking stupid.
Laurel, you needn’t worry about looking stupid when I’m here. Besides, I think Taco sets the bar these days.
After reading the first one, I thought that maybe the fella was simply anxious and slightly confused in his hunt for love. After reading the second one, I feel the need to flip through the trusty old DSM to see what I can find…
He seems to have the word salad for schizophrenia, but he seems to have some avoidant tendencies coinciding with a fear of being rejected or ridiculed, so I’m gonna guess that this was posted on the Axis II branch of Craig’slist…
And people wonder why I’m still single.
Because you look for dates on Craigslist? Or because your luck only leads you to meet guys like Steve-O here?
This is NOT Steve-O*! Unless he had an unfourtunate accident involving his head and the fire truck ladder.
Didn’t he come back a few months ago? It seems like he’s been gone a long time.
*Former snarker, not the Jackass guy.
mmm, there’s been a few former regulars who have faded away from here.
If any of those people are still reading, say hi once in a while 🙂
OT, I just finished watching the Rally with Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, and I think many others may have been doing the same thing. Very cool show, very cool presentation. Jon Stewart for President!
Their speeches were so funny, and so true! =D
I’ll have to see if that’s online later. I was helping my MIL move all day, and only just missed Ballpark traffic (yay us, finally!).
inthe midst of all these other shady bits is a bit of zen or existentialism (probably by pure chance): “consider one moment at a time or less”. the mind boggles…
drmk, I sent you an email saying that comments were closed and that I wasn’t sure if you had done that. Please disregard that now, seeing how comments are now open again. Thanks.
Thanks for the email, though — I don’t know what happened with the site, and I can’t replicate it now.
HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME IT WAS MINDLESS RAMBLING WEEK,? IT’S RAINING TODAY, SPEAKING OF RAIN MY CAT CAUGHT A MOUSE LAST NIGHT,? I LIKE DIET COKE, DO YOU LIKE ORANGES,? I WENT TO THE LAKE, MY DOG IS BLUE WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HAMSTER,?
CAMELS HAVE HUMPS, ZIPPEDY DO DAH. I HAD A PICKLE, IT WASN’T BLUE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A DOUGHNUT,? MARRY HAD A LITTLE LAMB BUT FRED HAD A DINOSAUR.
U2 IS A BAND, ONCE I ATE A RUBBER BAND , WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA, ? GREEN JELLO, GREEN JELLO, GREEN JELLO, GREEN JELLO, GREEN JELLO, GREEN JELLO, GREEN JELLO, ?
HI!! FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN ELEPHANTS RAISED THE TITANIC AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH A GREEN OGRE IN A LAND FAR FAR DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MY GRANDMOTHER, ?
ONE MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG (NAMED LEBRON AFTER THE BASKETBALL PLAYER., WHICH IS IRONIC BECAUSE IT’S A DACHSHUND) REMINDS ME OF YOU HAMMY BECAUSE HE IS A WRIGGLY LITTLE EXCITABLE PUPPY THAT WAGS HIS TAIL ALL THE TIME AND ROLLS ON HIS BACK ASKING FOR BELLY RUBS.
IT WAS CLOUDY HERE BUT NOT RAINING,? I DON’T LIKE DIET COKE BUT I DO LIKE ORANGES APPLES ARE OK TOO,? I DON’T HAVE A HAMSTER I HAVE A DOG WHO IS NOT BLUE,? I DON’T WANT A DONUT BUT I WILL TAKE SOME TEA,?
(typing in that much capslock hurts)
Rather noisy too…..
Hammy, can I borrow your cat? We have a rodent problem. I suspect a rat rather than a mouse because it steals whole tomatoes and bananas (yes, the bananas that my husband left on the counter to die, he must have forgot to list them on craigslist this week).
Uh-oh! There’s an ADHD first grader masquerading as Hammy…
As some of you may have noticed by the comments* I’ve posted today, I’ve been going through the archives(again). But I have a small quandary: what’s the difference between an atheist and an agnostic?
*Including two where I’m pretty ticked off.
Atheist says there is no God(or deities). Agnostic says it is unknowable if there is a God (or deities).
So it’s a ‘no there isn’t’ versus ‘no way to tell’ difference. In a brief nutshell.
Hmmm….I always thought I was an atheist…I guess I’m an agnostic instead. Thanks!
still trying to figure out if there’s a name for what I am…. I do believe in a god (and souls, an afterlife, and good and evil) … but don’t trust that any one organized religion has it exactly right.
I’ve always known that as a deist, but there may be other terms. *shrugs*
Oooh that sounds like my opinion Silva. The religions are just trying to convert you, but that doesn’t mean they have it right.
Silva, I call that, being a spiritualist, one who believes in the supernatural aspects of religion, but no specific dogma. I fall into that category as well as secular humanist because I believe that the rule of “be excellent to each other”, which, while worded differently, appears in most, if not all, religions.
So I wikipedia’d Deism… as I’m reading the article I come across the painting of this guy in it and start laughing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Edward_Herbert_1st_Baron_Herbert_of_Cherbury_by_Isaac_Oliver.jpg
look at him, just lounging in the forest clearing, posed as if to say “hey ladies, check out my shield and poofy clothes, see something you like?”
I see a little insecurity in his eyes, as if he knows the horse in the blue frock is trying to steal his action.
I know it’s a million O’clock where you all are and nobody but me will ever see this but I had to comment – that guy makes me snarf Diet Coke out my eyes!!! ROFLMAO!!! And what in THE hell is going on with the person in the background?
His squire is prepping the girlfriend stealing horse for a joust. Ol’ Herby is just maxin’ and relaxin’ before the Main Event. You know, chillin’ like a villain on penicillin, God willin’.
Saturday before Halloween, lots of parties going on. (I’d be at one if I wasn’t sick) Comments were down for a while, and some folks have experienced weather. Guess it’s no wonder we are at 63 comments, and that will probably close out the day. I’ve already done the round-up, but will check back in an hour in case I can update it some. 8)
Ok, re-reding the second ad and putting it into normal-talk…
He went on a few dates. One of them was “deceitful” and her drinks were too far away (perhaps he mean her favorite bar was too far away). Another’s [favorite bar] was close by but he didn’t want to get serious (overinvlolved) with. Third one was a man who had surgery so he could now be a SHE, but still had some obvious scars.
He’s offering a date where you visit his cabin and watch the news on TV. Feel free to panic and leave. He’ll stay behind.
Wow.
*reading, not reding.
time for sleep, maybe…
Sounds like a great catch. Can’t believe no one has put a ring on that!
Saturday Round-up for October 30, 2010
Drmk pushed the “Pannic” button and sent in the lady decoy. Cap’n Mac was looking for a new use for his ox, but had to leave for a football game. Ratwoman invited Sparky-Steve to STOP THERE FOR A MOMENT and put it in reverse. Cindy B. put two (a shed out back) and two (long drives with girlfriend) together and came up seeking a “job.” Christina agreed, adding the cabin and the lack of geniusness. Christina also ran the scope for bots, but not even a slice of coffee could bring all the dials to E.
LimeLolly brought some vinaigrette to the Snark Lounge, and mentioned the Glory Hole near her home. NotMyName wondered if the original business had been a Seamstress shop. He was without edit again. CoffDrop repeated something he’s going to say later. Then he heard the echo in here.
Christina and LimeLolly discussed the possibility of panicking over Big and Tall apparel and Oral Surgeons. Windrose heard an echo in here. LimeLolly lamented the fact that WR was lonely at the top.
NMN ran one of Sparky-Steve’s sentences through the Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation-o-Matic ™ to reveal that SS was actually hiding out from the police. Christina admitted her nasty hobby of forcing cute little bunnies to do that for her.
CoffDrop wanted to take a chance. I think. CJ had eye trouble, but answered correctly, 42. Laurelhach agreed that was probably the answer. NMN lovingly requested that CJ splash coffee on her face. He added that this was not permissible in court. Christina complained that it was the fastest way to make the coffee work. CD recommended the HIGH colonic. Lara mentioned that the answer wasn’t the issue, what was the question?
Smedley defined the word shabin, and used it in a sentence to Lara’s delight. Lara noticed SS gave his in-seam measurement in case we were going to buy pants for him. Windrose hoped to do more than buy pants. Christina played match-maker with Steve Semi-tall Never Neat and Sarah Plain and Tall. Moira shopped for designer jeans. Lou Stool bragged about having a bigger in-seam than SS. LimeLolly thought he might be measuring from the wrong place. Christina has a bigger one than her husband.
Windrose wanted to start a band in tribute to some really old singer that no one remembered. Bear on a Hat Stand took up a collection so that we can get SS a straightjacket. Sarajean80 was wowed by how special SS sounded. NMN was forced to translate stuff into LOLCat Speak. At sword point. LimeLolly offered to throw out more questions, and CoffDrop offered to have NMN pull weeds. Windrose suggested creating anagrams, but NMN didn’t like the generation sites. Moira found a good one, and decoded the fact that Airbases Offloads Profs – Paratrooper Professors! Good to know. Limelolly had to pass due to lack of editing, which Windrose noted puts us closer to Sparky. Ew. Laurel agreed that she would make more comments if she wasn’t afraid of looking stupid. Obviously she doesn’t post on CL either.
Kae resorted to text books to try to diagnose Sparky-Steve’s problems, but they were prepared for her attack, and put the wagons in a circle. Camille felt the ad was proof that being single is a good thing, but Bombdude told her to stop looking for love on CL. Christina made the distinction clear between Sparky-Steve and missing commentator Steve-O. Silva hoped anyone who used to be a regular who might just be reading for awhile now would stop in to say hi.
Windrose and Laurel gushed over Jon Stewart and the Rally to Restore Sanity. Christina will watch it later. She was moving her mother-in-law into the ballpark. Tanz Sixfingers pointed out the zen moment in the craziness. Suddenly the comments were closed. NMN emailed the Llama-nun, may bees be upon her, and behold, a miracle occurred and the comments proceeded once again. No matter how hard she tried, she could not get them to close again.
HamCan showed up with unbridled enthusiasm and some run-on sentences. As usual. SilvaNoir replied in kind, and they had tea. CoffDrop asked them to pipe down. Grampdaddy recognized the signs of an ADHD first grader.
NMN, Limelolly, SilvaNoir, and Laurelhach closed out the day with a deep discussion on theology. Christina and Silva got in to semantics. Baron Herbert got into poofy clothes.
Silva had a moment of clearly channeling Sparky-Steve’s actually intentions and thoughts. Luckily it passed and she’s back to normal now. LimeLolly got in the final snark.
And that’s the way it was.
I just wanted to say. I know who Patti LaBelle is, but I couldn’t think of any snark worthy songs, they might have sung. R-E-S-P-E-K-T….is……should not be one of them.
Creole Lady Marmalade is probably the only one you know. 8)
HamCan, sit! Stay! Wait for it. . . hold. Good Puppy! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Squares One through Three!
,?
Every time I see “,?”, I see and hear Reese Witherspoon in “Legally Blonde” saying “Like, Duh?”
So, Dave, You’re back in the box, but I threw in a little Taco Magic to make it interesting. You’re welcome.
I have but one thing to say (well, two).
Hi everybody!!!
And…Steve looks like the bleak state of Match.com results. Not that I’d know.
Any time I want to make myself feel better about my current unattached state, I browse through the CraigsList personals. Fun fact I’ve discovered, over half the M4M and M4W ads feature photos of penes, but none of the W4W or W4M ads have pictures of lady-bits.
I did not know that. How utterly disturbing. I’d venture more disturbing than the man-milking machine.
Side note: I was just thinking “Well, I’ll just have to look and see what Ghostie is talking about” but I used those very words, just replace “Ghostie” with “my daughter” and her tale of how fellow camp counselors have been warned of a resurgence of bot-fly bites because of the warm winter. The first thing that came up was a YouTube video. What is once seen cannot be unseen.
Ugh. Anything bot-fly related is definitely on my Do Not Google List.
I’m not looking up anything bot-fly related. Thanks anyways. Or not. Not really thanks. There are some things you don’t need to look up to know they are horrifying.
Y’know, it used to be that when I saw a post like this, I’d flag it as “spam”. Lately, though, I’ve been flagging these as “best of Craigslist” because often, they’re funny as hell.
Haha Steve… my drink is less than 3 feet away! Sucks to be you!!!
Dave and Taco, thank you for your donations to the YSaC cause. Cause we love you! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Steve Cutting Back to Less?